A Personal Note

I wanted to come in before I conk out and say with as much lucidity as I have had for several weeks now that you are all a lifeline. Your emails, PM's, and comments are a sort of anchor to sanity and hope. I love you all for that. Do not give up on me, please. I really need you all. If I am not here from time to time, it is not because I don't want to be but because I simply can't find the words. And if I have not read all your posts, it is just because I find myself reading the same words over and over and not understanding them. I'm sorry. I always enjoy your blogs and this is hard for me. I feel disloyal to people who have become so special to me.

I went to the doctor today and asked them to give me a stronger medicine that would still allow me to work. They have given me Xanax and I am to try and see how it works. I fell apart on the way home... again. His suffering, I just keep remembering it and it is agony that I didn't, couldn't help him with it. My husband was suffering so much and I seemed to have missed it. I was so unfeeling but he never said, "I'm in pain. I'm not happy. I need help." When I remember, I want to die. As I drove home I could only cry and pray. I know God would not torment me in this way but my guilt is so overwhelming. Why did I stay so angry with him? Why did I not see what was happening? Why would he not tell me, confide in me? Did he think I didn't care?

Of course, Mike was waiting, as usual, to put his arms around me and just say, "It will be all right, Mom." For those who do not know my oldest son personally, we share a long history of heartache that I do not often share for his sake. Mike was born with learning disabilities, is deaf in one ear, and has some other problems. I believe he is an undiagnosed manic depressive. Our life together has been filled with wounds, struggle, rejection and great difficult with the world around him. He is often not understood or liked by most people he meets. But he is the most faithful and loyal son one could ever wish for. I always know Mike will be there when I am in trouble. He went and got the new med and I took it. And he has stayed here with me. He will go home at ten when his show goes off. Just having him in the house is enough comfort. Pray for my Mike. He struggles with daily living, selling blood to pay for his bills. But he never ask me for a single thing. My sister will stay with me when she gets off.

I'm tired now and will be going to bed, I think, when I finish this post. Something I couldn't do with the Ativan I was taking. It helped my sleep but I couldn't shut off my mind. I think the Xanax is helping a bit better tonight.

I am also scheduled to see a counselor on Thursday afternoon. They feel I will benefit from it and well, I just looked at the nurse practitioner and said, "Just tell me what to do." Not my usual mindset at all. Those of you who do know me, know that no one ever tells me what to do. Jerry knew that, too. I always know what to do. But I don't now. I've never been in this place.

When I got back to work after the doctor's appt, my wonderful boss, only a three years older than my son, talked with me. He felt I came back to work too soon but I told him I had no choice because of the money. He said he understood and wants to work out a work schedule that will give me some extra time to recover. If I need to take a two hour lunch I need only to let him know. He wants me to take a four day work week for a few weeks. I again pointed out I needed the money and it wasn't fair to him to allow my own work to fall behind. He said, "Don't worry about that. I'm going to pay you to be off. Besides, I know you won't take advantage of this. I know you'll work to make it up when you can."

If you read my past posts about my old boss you all know how this touched me. I remember praying that God would send me a good boss. I have to say I think he did. Pray for him because I would feel terrible if his kindness caused him any problem. I plan to bring work home to do this Friday. I think it would be good for me to be away from the office and have something to occupy my time. But he could get in serious trouble for paying me. When I mentioned this, he smiled and said, "I'm not worried about it."

To my new friend blicktx, thank you for your personal messages. They have been comforting and encouraging. Jilly was right, you are a great lady and I am glad to have met you.

I've some added others too during this time and you too have been a comfort. For those who have just popped in to be an encouragement, thank you for you kindness. I will eventually get by your sites to thank you properly.

This post sounds almost normal to me and I can't imagine where it is coming from except this med had relieved some of the anxiety, as it is meant to do. Part of me wants that and another part feels I should be suffering. My only concern is that I won't be able to get off this in a reasonable time. Again, those who know me know I am very anti-medication, particularly mood altering medications. For once, I think I'll forget that.

I"ll say good night now. And thank you all. I don't know when I'll be this sane again but I will post again soon.

Say I love you to those you love before you fall asleep tonight. Call them, long distance if you must. Look in their faces if possible and search below the surface. If you wake up in the night, kiss those close to you. You may never get another chance. Never assume everything is all right.

I forgot the one rule my grandmother taught me. Never let the sun go down on your wrath. Never go to bed angry. Never forget to say I love you before you sleep.

Will he ever forgive me? Will he know how very much I loved him? Will he ever know that I would have done anything to save him if he had only talked to me?

No Choices

My life is filled with them. They say we choose our lot in life. I can only remember one choice that was solely mine. Marrying Jerry, over protest from our families. Going to college in case I had to support us. Moving to this wasteland, the worst choice we ever made.

I don't remember any other choices I ever got to make. In fact, I could count the lack of choices and never reach the end. Things just were what they were and I had to deal with it. The latest is that I have to work. I don't have a choice in this. I can't survive at all if I don't. Jerry's income kept us afloat and gave us an ability to breath. Jerry's death has taken my ability to breath and the income that kept us afloat with it. I don't know what I'm going to do, or how I will manage. And for the first time in memory, I find that I don't actually care. It just doesn't matter much today.

I want to go home and sleep. I'm so tired. It's just noon and already I just want to sleep. I want to forget everything.

Home

I got in about 5 p.m. and unloaded the car. Mike left as soon as he got his car loaded and went home. So, I am here alone. I don't know what I'm supposed to do next.

At just that point my phone rang. My aunt called, then I called one of my college friends that had left a message while I was away. While on the phone with her, my brother Bill called. After I hung up, my brother-in-law called. So the last two hours were spent talking to people. I think that is my only salvation at the time.

I'm still alone and I think I will just get my bath and get ready for bed. I have to go to work tomorrow. I don't know how to do anything, it seems. I feel as if time has just stopped or is crawling by. Or maybe actually speeding by.

How very empty my home is. No one is here.

Away for a Few Days

I am leaving today for Atlanta. Mike is going to help me drive and because I can't be alone at this point. I will return either Sunday or Monday.

Thank you all for your prayers.

Three Weeks in Hell

I don't know if I'll ever get home without falling apart. I did manage to stay in control until I went to the pharmacy to pick up my refills. The pharmacy where Jerry worked for two years. When I got home I got Mike to go get us some supper. I sat down to send a note to someone and I so wanted to see him. So, I went to the memorial slide show. I don't think it is good for me to look at the memorial photos anymore. I shattered into a million pieces. All I could do was scream. If I'd been in public I'd have been so humiliated but I couldn't stop. I suppose it is good that my neighbors are so far away and I am the last house on a dead end street.

I am overwhelmed with guilt and I don't know how to stop. Every minute of that last day and the night up to the minute he died and my feeble attempts to do CPR play over and over. I see every thing, hear every word and sound. I see him shoveling the snow and smiling at me playing in it like a kid. I relive every unkind word, every hurtful thing I ever did to him, every time I yelled at him, every misunderstanding, every failure to grasp what was happening to him roars at me like a tidal wave and I am completely helpless to stop it. I hate myself. Not that's too mild a term. I despise myself. This man loved me beyond any thing I deserved and during the worst time of his life I failed him. I lost him because I didn't pay attention to the signs of heart failure. I KNOW this stuff! Do you hear me? I KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE. I SAW THEM! But I was so angry with him. He wouldn't do the things that helped him get better. He took pain killers. I now realize they were to stop the pain he didn't realize was heart pains. Why did that doctor now investigate where this pain was coming from?

My poor Mike, walked back in and found me. I think he nearly dropped our dinner. He did what he could and finally called my uncle. They want me to come there for a couple of days. So, I may drive to Atlanta tomorrow to spend the next several days with them. I have to be back to work on Tuesday. I think I'll have to take Mike with me because being alone is not good right now. I can't deal with the voices and the pictures in my mind. They're worse when I'm alone.

My sister, Phyllis, is here tonight. She is very sick, though, and I am taking her to the doctor tomorrow. She has this terrible cold but she gets bronchitis very badly every year. She has no insurance at all so it is going to cost a mint but I can't let her stay sick like this.

I need to stop now. I'm very tired. I'm sorry this is so depressing. I'll try and do better next time.

An Empty House

I did not do well at work today. Around noon I just broke apart. I had to close my door and it was nearly half an hour before I recovered enough to finish the day.

I asked Mike to come over and be here when I got home so the house wouldn't seem so empty but before I ever got home I was sobbing so badly that I had to get control of myself so I could drive. Mike met me at the door and hug me and let me cry on his shoulder. Once I got back under control I took a hot shower and ate a pizza.

Over the weekend I had bought a lot of puzzles. I always loved doing them but have not in several years. My uncle likes them too and we spent several days working on puzzles. I realized it kept my mind occupied.So, I went and bought some. Tonight I tried putting together a puzzle my sister and uncle had started on Saturday. I have just cried for hours it seems and when I realized the puzzle had done all it could and I simply could no longer focus on it, I came to check my mail before going to bed.

I am simply exhausted. It is a tired I can't ever remember experiencing before. Every step is an effort, every thought a strain. Everyone keeps calling and checking on me and that is nice to know. I just don't know what to say. Are you all right? No. I exist.

Let me say all you that have stopped and expressed your concern and offered your prayers, I am so very grateful and I do read them. They have let me know that there are people praying and at the moment, I don't have much else going for me. So, thank you for both prayers and compassion. I wish I could hug you all.

I'm going to bed now. I just can't really think anymore tonight.

Back to Work

I went back to work to day to be greeted with mounds of paperwork. It was depressing and almost overwhelming. I had to leave early to meet with the Social Security Administration regarding a death benefit they pay toward burial cost. It is small but every dollar helps.

I'm just getting ready for bed. My aunt, uncle and sister, Roselynn are all still here. They have all caught that awful cold I had. I had a relapse after Jerry died and had to get antibiotics. Tonight they all are taking antibiotics.

Everyone has been very kind and my family had just been wonderful. My brothers have been calling nearly every day and though I have missed their calls at times, I am so touched that they have shown their concern. During the worst days of my life, they surrounded me and that was the greatest blessing to me. They are not all living for God but they are such wonderful brothers and sisters. I love them all so much.

I am . . . moving forward. I can't say improving. I can't say coping. I don't think either word conveys what I feel. I am in a fog moving forward, hands extended and praying that somewhere ahead is something solid that will give me stability. There are moments that I wish I could reach out and there he would be. I'd grab his hand and cling for life. But I feel him moving farther away each day. I can't describe this. There is a growing void, a hollowness. I say sometimes, "Jerry, please come home." He can't, of course, but I want him to come home.

At 9:30 p.m. last night no one had to tell me what time it was. I asked my sister, "It's 9:30, isn't it?" She nodded. I said, "I thought so." It was time to pick him up from work.

Everyone says the same things to me. I understand but they are so meaningless. It will get better. You'll feel better. But I feel as if I am simply moving through that fog.

I'm really tired tonight and I am going to go to bed. I have been unable to get some of the images out of my head and sleep has not been good some nights. I am certified in CPR and first aid but I have to tell you that never, ever, ever, ever will I administer CPR again. I am required to be certified at my job but I will never use it again. It was the most terrible experience I've ever had and I am unable to shut out the memories of that night.

Pray for me. I know that God is with me. I know he cares. I know he is watching over me. I just can't move another step because I don't know what direction to move in.

What Do I Say?

I am stopping in to thank all my friends here who have sent their condolences over the past two weeks. I don't know what I can say to any of you. I am so very sad that there are no words to express it and I can't think of anything I to say. What does one say in moments like this? And where does one go from here? I am so lost and confused. I just want him to come home. I want to wake up and find it is all a very bad dream..

The Beauty of the Storm

I am only publishing this today because I found it in my draft box. I had begun it on the 28th of January, the morning after the storm hit. Hours later, the world shifted on its axis.

Last night and this morning we had a serious ice storm, the effects of which are still being felt. No electricity, no heat, no way to get to a safe location are fears many are still facing. During the night, I remembered the words "Let not your flight be in winter." Those are the words of Jesus from the New Testament and he is speaking of the last days when troubles will abound and the world will be in chaos - a storm so to speak. I understood it in a new way last night as I went to bed. I looked out my window and saw the ice falling and that which was already on the ground glistened in the light as if it were a sheet of glass. I prayed for my own power to stay on. So far, that prayer was answered although a few minutes ago I saw the power team across the street.

Life is filled with storms of all types. We are often surrounded and overwhelmed by the torture and frustration that a storm brings. In the middle of the storm we see only the darkness, the raging winds, rain, or the frozen landscape. We are surrounded by dangers and fear eats away at our mind until we feel the need to run as far and as fast as possible. We must escape.

It is difficult to see beauty in a storm. If you've read my post "Out Running the Storm" you know I find storm of any type beautiful. I love them. All that power and me right in the middle of it. Awesome. And dangerous. And foolhardy.

This morning, Jerry went out to try and shovel a path and the drive. While he was out there, I pulled on my snow boots, my coat and gloves and grabbed my camera. I was awestruck at the beautiful yard I now possess. Everything is glazed in ice and frosted with snow. The sun sparkles off every branch, ever wire, every rusty bucket and the world appear created from diamonds. In moments I am nearly blind and I have not sunglasses but I immediately began to take photographs. The world through that small square is a different world. You immediately begin to see what a treasure it is. The hedges are from a fairy tale, branches iced and frosted look like feathers. Just as the sun peeked out I took the shot. The back fence is an interesting puzzle with a tiny snow mound in square of the fence. The yard is a smooth blanket of white, untouched by scars or dirt. Trees that never touch the ground have bowed beneath their weight of ice, as if in homage to the creator talents. For this is where the beauty of the storm lies.

Resolutions

The kids can get the car out and will be coming over here for the day. I still have to get my sister out but I will just have to go get her if necessary. Her house has to be cold because she always turns her heat back when she goes to work and she was out since about one yesterday afternoon and just got home around seven.

I'm not feeling well this morning and I think I am going to lie down. I still have this cold and that coupled with a lack of sleep has left me feeling bad.

I think the roads will be clearer by tonight and maybe power will be restored by tomorrow. I am praying for my power line to have a thaw! That ice is unreal. Looks like about an inch on top of the lines.

Let It Snow... He Did!

I wish I had a digital camera so I could post photos! This is crazy. I may go shoot some film and get it developed this weekend! I have about a foot in my yard and street. My little Focus isn't going anywhere soon. I am snowed in and it is still falling. Under all that snow is about two to three inches of ice. Part of my mimosa tree in the back yard broke about 2 a.m. this morning and woke me. My power line into the house hangs immediately beneath this tree. If the limb over it snaps, both power and phone service will be out. I have a gas heater in the shed that didn't want to work last winter and we took it out to have it serviced but my brilliant spouse failed to get it serviced.... so, we can hook it back up but not sure it would work.

107,000 people are without power in our area and I can't get ahold of my kids. I don't know what their status is. My last word was that the power went out in their area and they have two children with them. They kept a baby for a friend last night because the friend had to take her other child to the hospital. They have cell phones but their service said their towers are down. I still have power and pray it continues. My sister worked all night and arrived at her house to find she has no power. I've been trying to get Becca's mother, who is my sister's tenant, but there cell phone is down. She has a truck and could get in to see about Dave and Becca.

Well, this serves no purpose but to let you all know what is going on. I intend to take the mimosa tree down this summer. This is not the first time I worried about the power like and that tree. It is going to drive me crazy because I can't get out of here easily if the power is out.

Finally word from the kids. The power is out and we are trying to find a way to get them here. My sister got in from work and her power is out too. I will have to get them all over here. AND I have no beds! No carpet! They will be doing the old fashioned pallet sleep tonight unless the roads get cleared and the power back on. The cabs are running but it is a 2 hour delay for priority runs such as this where children are involved. David feels he can get the car out and is going to make a trial run to be sure. He doesn't want to get stranded in the car with the kids.

I'm off for now but will be back later to let you know how things are going. Pray for those with out heat and transportation.

Hie Ho, Hie Ho. . . In Rain or Sleet or Snow

Yes, folks. I am at work today. I woke up to about three or four inches of ice, not snow and slid gracefully out of my drive and to work without mishap. Thank you, Lord!

It is cold and nasty. The stuff falling now is neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow but somewhere in the middle. When it hits you it make a kind of plop and then it is cold and wet. I suspect after dark this will make a sort of hard frosting on the ice pellets on the ground. Lovely!

I was so sick all weekend. This is a nasty cold. I finally had to break down this morning and take my last Imitrex. I stopped at the pharmacy on the way to work and had it refilled. I wasn't sure one would do it. I've battled a headache all weekend but it wasn't like a migraine. It was all in my forehead and just pounded when I coughed. Tylenol helped a bit and actually relieved my very sore shoulder joint. LOL! The doctor has me scheduled for physical therapy for that shoulder! It's almost completely pain free now.

I did have sense enough to bring my lunch in today. I've just finished a ham sandwich and a blueberry muffin. I also brought my Bible with me so I could keep up with my readings. I believe I mentioned once before that I am trying to read it through again this year. I always start well but get off track at about three months. So, I'm taking extra steps to prevent any lags.

I do think anyone who says they are educated should read the Bible at least one time. Not just because you are a Christian. Much of the developed world has societies based on the principles and formulas found in the Bible. The King James Version of the Bible is a beautifully written text and the English language takes quotes from it and they are still in use today. Did you know that "by the skin of my teeth" comes from the Bible? Yep, the book of Job. Hmm, maybe I'll do a post sometime of the strange and enduring phrases that we English speaking folks get from the Good Book. If I can remember the all!

It is true that the language is dated and often difficult for many to read but this is only because education had fallen short of teaching the language to begin with. But there are more modern translations that are easier to read. And there are these things called dictionaries that are a tremendous help! Also, there is a great deal of wisdom to be found in the pages of the Bible. My grandmother used to say that if you had a question about life the answer could always be found in the Bible. I've never found that to be untrue. It covers just about every conceivable dysfunction known to man from psychotics to murderous children, to rebellious teenagers and adulterous spouses. And when society was following the ten commandments the world was a safer place.

Now I'll get hate male from weirdos.

O.k. I'm running out of lunch hour now so I have to get off here. Hope you all have a good day free from ice and cold. Well, at least ice!

Always Catching Something

As I said, I've caught a nasty cold. Headache, sore throat, coughing, sneezing, runny nose all the usual. I had an appointment with the R. A. doctor this morning and was going in to work. I didn't make it to work. I came home and went to bed. I've slept about three hours. I don't feel only slightly better with the headache easing a bit but not a whole lot. I MUST go to work tomorrow even if the snow is above the roof tops. I've been hearing it is going to be 5-10 inches! Well, there is a pile of work higher than that on my desk that must be finished this week.



Now, for something positive that I caught. I've posted a review and a link of the podcast I've been listening to. Run over and have a look. I just love the story! If you like mysteries you'll like this. If you like The Lord of the Rings, you'll like this. If you like both, you'll love this! Actually, while there is a LOTR feel with the wizards and magic the mystery is the jewel of the story. I'm up to Chapter 38 and I can't figure out whodunit! That's not usual for me and so I respect anyone who can keep me guessing that long.

Anyway, take a look at the review and visit Holyfield's site. I told him I'd post the link and the review. He kindly sent me a graphic to put with the review. Yes, I emailed him to tell him how much I have enjoyed his book. And he responded almost immediately! Amazing courtesy but he's a southern boy so I expected it. LOL. But it really is good. I'm waiting for the next chapter now and he said it was due out today. I've spent two weeks listening to it. I suspect I'll be buying the book. I do hope he does another using the two main characters. I really like them.

Onward, my friends. I took more meds for the cold and I've just had a cup of hot coffee. My head seems to have eased off slightly so I am going to find something to do. I may have my son take me to the office. I don't want to but two hours is better than none. I've lost 8 hours of vacation time for this! Drat!

Cleaning Demons

I need about three of them. Well, I'd rather have cleaning angels if there is such a thing. I've no idea where the term cleaning demon comes from and am too tired to look it up. This cold makes me tired and I've been cleaning since I got up, well, actually, I started after I paid bills. That's exhausting work in and of itself.

Anyway, I took down my curtains in the study and tossed them in the dryer to shake out the dust and I washed the sheers so they would be clean and dust free. I wiped down the window frames, too as the dust had been hiding quite effectively there. I realized at that point exactly what a cleaning demon is and how easy it is to let them get out of control. I had to force myself to stay on track or end up all over the house cleaning in spots that caught my eye.

I had to stop and take Jerry to work, take Mike to the second hand store see if they had a sofa he could buy with his voucher. They didn't so we try again in a week. I went to the bread store and picked up a load of bread. Now, I'm waiting for the second set of curtains to shake out and my small lunch to warm up.

I know this is the absolutely most boring post I have ever read. But I honestly feel my brain is fried. I am going to sit down with food and listen to another episode of my pod-cast The Murder at Avedon Hill, by P. G. Holyfield. This is a free pod-cast of a novel and I am really into it now and enjoying it. I had no idea there were so many free pod-cast out there but there are. This is certainly worth it. I can sit here and do other things like clean shelves or even crochet if I wanted to while it plays. Once I'm done with this I think I will be listening to the old radio shows again until I find something else like this novel.

Now, I'm off for a bit. I think the lack of content is probably due to the amount of time I've been spending on here. And I have really fell off in the constructive writing.

Wake up and get busy now with something more interesting. Hope you are all having a lovely day. The sun is beautiful today but it is 29 degrees and colder than a well digger's ankles.

Bug Season

It's cold. But most of you know that.

I have a cold. Drat! Someone has not been washing their hands and I've touched something, somewhere and picked up the virus. My Sarah has it, too. I suspect one of us passed it to the other.

I don't go anywhere but to work and I try really hard not to handle things without washing my hands. But I work in a agency than handles the paperwork for about 2000 people and let me tell you, there are times when I am not sure what they've been doing with it.

So now, I have caught something from someone.

I watched Fringe the other night. It had these freaky . . . bugs on it that were ingested (fed to the victim in a glass of water) in powder for and then immediately grew and killed their host . When they came out they were as big as rats. No I didn't know that would happen when I watch it! Anyway, later the scientist reveals that the bug was a strain of the common cold. As a side note, Sarah was on my lap watching and we both had the same expression on our faces when the bug first appeared. YUK! I cracked up at her expression because it was such a mirror of my own. But I quickly told her it was a bug before I knew and she was happy with that explanation. But I don't think she'll be watching Fringe with me again. Fringe science is a bit over her head at the moment. However, her mother told me today that Sarah had asked to watch the bug movie with Mawmaw. LOL! So, maybe I'll have a movie buddy after all. No one in the family likes the shows I like and it gets lonely watching them alone.

I started this at work this morning and am finishing it up at home. I think the cold is worse. Stuff nose, sore throat, tired feeling. Yep, it's a bug.

So, I'll go for now. I hope you are all spared any colds for the rest of the winter. I think I've gotten rather far without it and had hoped to miss it altogether. Alas, 'twas not to be.

By y'all.

Recovery

I stayed home today. RA meds have not caught up to my pain level and I have a migraine starting. Thankfully, I can take that if need be. I've taken all the other things last night and this a.m. so I hope by tomorrow things will be a bit more comfortable. I think my biggest problem is just being off some of the meds so long. Actually, I feel better than expected. This is not a pain I don't understand but one I'm "used" to, if that a term I can apply.

I had a rather good evening sitting listening to a pod-cast of The Murder at Avedon Hill on my computer. I've discovered ITunes has some really neat podcasts. Since I don't have an IPod I can only listen at my computer but that's o.k. It gives me a way to do something else if I like but I didn't.

I must admit to not doing enough writing last night. I wasted several hours that I could have been tying up loose ends in Mist. I won't do that again. I need a good kick in the pants and get back on track. I've been a bit off for the last week. I've spent too much time blogging and answering emails and playing games. I don't usually let that get out of hand but for some reason I did. Sometimes I just don't pay attention and others I get too involved in things that are just a waste of time.

I did get the bookcases sorted out. Now I can start on another project in my path to organization. I'm in a disposal mood and I better make the most of it. It may not last long. I have a lot of computer stuff that needs sorting out. What do I keep and what to get rid of? Cables are probably a good thing to keep at this point. My old web-cam with out a mic? It works fine but I have this one with a built in mic and so I don't need it. {shrug} something will come up.

I feel as if The End of Winter has hit a snag. I'm floundering between the latest chapter and the endings which are basically already written. I am not sure what to do and it is driving me a bit crazy.

I think I'll go get some breakfast now and maybe something will come to me. I have a couple of things I should do while I am home but I need to pet this headache a bit. Catch you all later.

Thanks so much for all your good wishes, prayers and encouragement. It was nice to know you were all out there . . . for me.

Ten Things

I saw on Riete's blog a post about ten things that make her happy. I gather she got the idea from someone who had 100 things that make them happy. I won't attempt to shoot for 100. I don't know if there are that many but I think I can manage 10. I think the ranking is 10 being the highest.

1. Being in the woods. I love taking my tent to the wilds and sleeping under the stars, cooking over a camp fire, and just sitting with my eyes closed listening to the sounds of nature. My dream is to someday live in the woods!

2. The smell of books. I love to smell open books. There is nowhere in the world you can find that smell duplicated. Even old books have a distinctive smell. It is the smell of unknown places, people, and ideas.

3. The smell of Bibles. This is different from other books and I have no explanation for it. Try it if you don't believe me.

4. Writing.

5. Reading.

6. Learning new things.

7. Traveling to new places. My fondest memories are of traveling to other countries and other states.Meeting new and interesting people.

8. Raising boys. My God that was so much fun! Caught up in a whirlwind all the time. You get off windblown, breathless, and exhausted but it is the ride of your life!

9. Sarah. Anything she does is just wonderful. But watching her mind grow is absolute joy.

10. Worship. I've found no greater happiness than in the presence of God.

A Hose Runs Through It?

All done. I remember nothing. I've ordered a barrel of whatever drug they gave me to make me sleep. It was the best sleep I've ever had! I want more. What's more, I passed my test. Clean as a whistle and with all the air they left inside, I'm surprised I didn't get a whistle to boot. Jilly, never fear. The worst part of this procedure is the stuff they make you drink the night before. {shudder}

Doctor did say I need to add more fiber to my diet. I have some "weak" areas called pockets in my colon where things like nuts or seeds can get hung up and they can become infected. That's bad. Particularly since I love nuts and things with seeds. So, he confirmed the diagnosis. Diverticulosus. I told him that meant I was old. He said it usually happens to people about my age! {spit, sputter, huff, puff} People my age? And what age is that? I'm only 52 for heaven's sake. That comment makes it sound like you're ready for a rocker. Why don't they say something like, "Well we begin to see this process around age 45 or 50. Nothing to worry about, just take extra fiber."

I'm ONLY 52! That is not old. Besides, it is a misprint made by one of God's secretaries. I'm actually 25.

For lunch I got the Sonic burger and fries!! And I just had that cup of hazelnut coffee and the Oreo's! Oh, my was it good. I'm ready to continue my nap now. Later I'll put my eyes back on, my support hose on, and my teeth back in...... grrrrrr.

O.k. and I promise Alice that tonight I'll start the next chapter of Mist and try and finish the next one of Winter.

Old Man Winter Left His Calling Card

We got a couple of inches of snow last night! It is lovely but I dread going out when there is ice or snow. Much better to sit and watch it and drink hot cocoa. My son, Mike, called around midnight last night to get Jerry to MAKE me cancel my appointment. {Looks over glasses at everyone} I don't think so. I didn't drink all that crap and spend the night on the toilet to cancel for a bit of snow. I'll be breaking out skis if I had any.

I leave in about 15 minutes for the test. I can't even have water this morning. Tempted not to brush my teeth just to show 'em but they will be at the other end and it would be lost on them. So, everyone say a prayer this morning that everything is fine. I don't do drugs too well but I think I'll appreciate it better. Hopefully, everything will be smooth sailing.

I couldn't think of a submarine analogy.

I will be back later and let you know how it goes.

All Pumped Up

I'm up now. Yep. Don't want to go to bed. This is not good.

My stars and garters! I am so hungry. I have had soup and broth until it is running out of my . . . my ears. Yep, that's it. And I'm getting giddy, too. I've been lightheaded for hours but now I'm foolish. LOL, I know how to fix the lightheadedness! Drink water. But what's the point! I have a glass of ice water and a glass of iced tea sitting beside me. But what do I want? Oh, no, I want a cup of hot hazelnut coffee with hazelnut creamer and some Oreo cookies on the side. YES! YES! YES! Ever see that shampoo commercial? I'm there but its coffee and cookies tonight.

I already asked Jerry if I could have the biggest hamburger I could find tomorrow. That'll be the Sonic Burger fully dressed with cheese and extra mustard. Or maybe their foot-long chili dog! AAAHHHHHEEE!

I sat looking at those old magazines I was weeding out tonight and found some wonderful looking recipes! I hate cooking now-a-days and I married a man who doesn't cook either. Well, thirty-five years ago he didn't have to! So that little dream probably isn't coming true. But they looked wonderful.In my next life I want a cook and maid.

{snort} Yeah, like that's gonna happen. I'll come back as pond scum in all likelihood.Thankfully I don't actually believe in reincarnation. Nice fictional concept but why would I want to come back here? Oh, unless. . . never mind. That's totally juvenile.

I seem to have become very popular this week. People are inviting me all over the place. So, I've added a couple more contacts. You that have been with me awhile know I am extremely picky. These adds have been pending for a bit and I've been adding them one at a time after several trips to their site.As usual the warning goes out that everything is on speculation, you know. I don't know why I am on this add kick. Months go by and I have no interest. Then some interesting people pop in and I'm hitting the green buttons right and left. That never bodes well for me.

I do hope I don't do anything stupid and careless and add some freak. I really hate that when it happens. Its only happened twice since I started blogging and both times I didn't see it coming. I've recently added Jo Ann and she seems like a sweet lady. I don't think she's a pervert or anything. Just a nice lady who likes company. Tonight, I added Mike and he seems like a very nice conservative fellow. I don't add many men so it is always a bit strange when I do. But I liked his blog. I have two more to decide on this week.

Did I ever tell you that I don't like parties? I hate crowds. It is why I get paranoid about adding people. Well, that and To Catch a Predator. That show just freaks me out. And I used to have the worst stage fright but I've overcome that a bit since I have to lecture a roomful of clients on the policies and procedures of housing regulations and what I'll do to them if they don't comply. You can get over stage fright much easier if you have a whip in your hand! I swear it helps tremendously. And substitute teaching helped ,too. So, I'm less worried about crowds now but I really don't want 100 contacts. I can't keep up with that many. So, I'll be a bit more circumspect from here on out.

Perhaps I should set a limit? I recently deleted some people because there is STILL nothing on their sites. I am eyeing another, too. They are never there! And a second is getting on my nerves. You'll just have to figure out who you are. LOL! Oh, I do like surprises.

See what dehydration will do to you? Makes you slap happy crazy. I have to go to bed before I start chewing on the keyboard. It is beginning to look quite tasty.

To Boldly Go Where. . .

I'm not going to say it. After I thought about it I realized it was disgusting. You can finish it if you are familiar with Star Trek. Yuk.

The Colonoscopy is only 10 hours away. Ladies and Gents, I managed to down the second 36 oz container of the nastiest stuff you ever tasted by 10 p.m.. And it also made me nearly sick to my stomach.

It is midnight here and I've only just been able to stop my trips up and down the hall. I am tired and starving! I am also dehydrated. I checked the skin on the back of my hands and it says so. YOu take the skin on the back of your hand and pull it up. If you are well hydrated it lies down nicely. If not, there is a delay. I have a serious delay. So, I have to get some fluids in me before bed. Did I say I'm tired?

I'll be back in a bit. Got to get the fluids and make a pit stop. Oh, this is just too gross. I'll have something constructive to say later.

Momentary Respite

I am between doses. Oh my God! I am telling you, this is awful. The stuff I have to drink (I've downed the first 32 oz..) is hideous. I thought I was going to throw up. I had one last swallow that I simply couldn't swallow and I just looked at it and figured that that one swallow was not going to make or break the issue. It hasn't.

At about 5:15 I began the trips to the bathroom. Remember I had to drink 8 oz beginning at 4 p.m. every 15 minutes until 5 p.m. Then, I started going to the bathroom. I've been going about every 15 minutes since. I do apologize for grossing anyone out. It is not pretty.

I have to drink the next 32 oz. at 9 p.m. and I simply don't see how I will ever get any sleep tonight. I'm so hungry I could eat the boards off the walls and I am lightheaded. Probably from a combination of hunger and dehydration. I am drinking all I can but I just feel nauseous at the thought of one more swallow of anything. I've been drinking a glass of iced tea for the last hour! They said I had to drink 16 oz of a clear liquid immediately after each liter. Why that's half a quart more liquid and I don't see how they could possibly think I can do that.

Between potty breaks I've been clearing out old magazines. Not for the paper either! I'm trying to break my information addiction. It is depressing. I wanted to stop and see if I had read them all. I think there were a couple I may not have but I believe I had read them all for the most part. But I didn't allow myself a peek. I put them in a box to take to the library and see if they want them. They are all Writer's Digest magazines and they do carry them there. Anyway, can't hurt to see. I hate tossing knowledge that someone else may benefit from.

I'm trying to slim the house down a bit and I think I am making some headway. I still have some things I want to sort out but I need to get my storage cabinet that will store my sewing items done next. I can't really put it where I want it until it is done. I've asked Jerry to get the top done but as usual he never completes a task anymore. I just will have to do it myself I suppose. I can but I thought it he could do that when I'm at work and he's home, it would make it easier for me to complete my projects.

I'm going to stop now. I want a shower so badly and at my next little respite I would like to hop in there and hose down. I feel I need a dip in the horse trough to really do the job right. If one could only heat it first it would be very enticing to find one.

It's going to be a long night so I'll probably be back. I have been working on the stories a bit today so that is something else I'm doing tonight. I've been busy clearing debris this last week that I've fallen behind. Very annoying that is.

If anyone of you are on my Yahoo or MSN messenger, you might try and buzz me here and there. I'm not going anywhere I don't think . . . well, except to the bathroom. If I can I'll pop out and chat with you. LOL.

Starvation Sunday!

We're here at last. I can have nothing to eat today but clear liquids until after the procedure which will be done tomorrow morning at 9:40 a.m. I am dreading it. Say several prayers for me. Already without my pain meds I'm having a lot more pain but I've not reached the unbearable stage, so that is a bonus. I hurt mostly in the large joints, my lower back, shoulder and upper arms and all related to motion. If I don't move around a lot, I'm o.k. I'm going to hit the shower soon for a very hot shower. I would love to have a hot tub about now. Heat helps so much.

I used to be able to fast but now after two meals I began to get sick. I suspect it has to do with my blood sugar but not sure about that. I have clear chicken broth in the kitchen and will utilize that. At 4 p.m. I have to start taking the medicine to clean out my colon. 36 oz at 4 p.m. and another 36 oz. at 9 p.m. I have to drink 8 oz every 15 minutes until I finish each one. I have no idea what it tastes like. I also have to dink 16 oz of water afterward.

I don't want to gross you all out but the last time I did this I got sick to my stomach and thought I'd throw up. I also became raw from the diarrhea to the point I was screaming when I had to go to the bathroom. The stuff literally scalded me every time. The screams terrified my sons who were young teenagers at the time. It was a horrible experience and one I'm afraid to repeat. I have a few things ready should that happen again but there is no guarantee that they will help.

So, as I said, say a lot of prayers for me. I'm going to try and get warm now. It is very cold. I got me lovely electric bill. $300 USD. You heard me. The same as my car payment. You don't want to know what I think of this utility company. And this is with my heat turned back to 50 degrees from 11:30 at night until 6 a.m. the next morning. I also keep it at 69 in the day time. I can only imagine what families are experiencing if they have it warmer!

I will try and drop a note later one to let you all know how it is going. Tomorrow I may not be around. They tell me I will be groggy afterward and probably sleep a lot. I probably need that anyway but I do hate losing a day. I only have so many of those left, you know! Losing one isn't good.

The Priest of Heliopolis

I was reading my daily Bible reading, tyring to catch up three day I 'm behind and ran across something that drew my attention. I've probably read it dozens of times in the past but today, it sort of rang a bell with me and I felt inclined to do a little research.

I'm reading in Genesis of the time when Joseph was released from prison because he interpreted a dream for Pharaoh. The ruler was so impressed he appointed Joseph to be his second in command and to manage the food supply for the predicted seven years of plenty and seven years of famine. At that time Pharaoh gave Joseph a wife. Her name was Asenath. She was the daughter Potiphera. Potiphera was a priest of Heliopolis.

The word Heliopolis (On) jumped out at me today because several years ago I kept running across this area of Egypt in my studies. I even watched a documentary on the History channel about it and a certain Pharaoh named Akhenaten (he changed his name to this from Amenhotep IV. There are variations in spelling of both names).

The interesting thing about this particular Pharaoh was that he is began a rebellion in Egypt established a religion that stated there was only a single God whom he called Aton, rather than the pantheon of gods Egypt believed. The center for this religion it thought to have been at or near Heliopolis.I have given you a link to the History site that gives a bit more detail and there are other that will give you information about Aton, the one God of Akhenaten.

"During the 18th Dynasty the pharaoh Amenhotep III renamed the sun god Aton, an ancient term for the physical solar force. Amenhotep's son and successor, Amenhotep IV, instituted a revolution in Egyptian religion by proclaiming Aton the true and only god. He changed his own name to Ikhnaton, meaning “Aton is satisfied.” This first great monotheist was so iconoclastic that he had the plural word gods deleted from monuments, and he relentlessly persecuted the priests of Amon. Ikhnaton's sun religion failed to survive, although it exerted a great influence on the art and thinking of his time, and Egypt returned to the ancient, labyrinthine religion of polytheism after Ikhnaton's death." From The History Channel - Egyptian Mythology

Now, you may ask why I find this small bit of the Bible of any interest at all. It is a good question. I believe in a single, unified God. I believe He is one single being. So, when I find Joseph, a child raised by a father who also believed in a single God but who is a prisoner in a city where the major religion worships hundreds of gods, being given a wife who is very likely the daughter of a Priest of a religion that teaches there is one, single God I find myself experiencing several emotions. Amazement comes to mind.

Had Joseph been presented with any other woman, he may not have accepted her because of the conflict in their religious beliefs. Or, he may have been drawn away from the God of his father to accept the gods of his wife. But here Joseph is presented with a woman who may very well been taught to recognize only one reigning God.

Amazing.

Of course you could say there is no evidence of Asehath's background. No, there isn't. But I find it a bit curious that we would even be told who this Egyptian woman's father was if there was not importance attached to it. When wives are mentioned in the Bible, their lineage is only important when something momentous is attached to it. Even men's lineage is subject to this peculiarity. For example, in Genesis 36:24 we find that one of the original peoples of Edom was a man called Zibeon who had two sons named Aiah and Anah. Anah is the one who discovered hot springs in the wilderness while he was grazing his father's donkeys.

Now, that single fact has no bearing on anything in the Bible that I know of. But for those repeating the oral history it would be very important for some reason. Perhaps the springs themselves became well known but this was Edom - the land of Esau, and not a place Jacob's descendants would bother with much. Obviously, only important information was added in the lineages of the Bible. You will find this kind of thing here and there where a recitation of names occurs.

Personally, I believe this particularly wife was probably selected for Joseph for the reasons I mentioned. God looked out for Joseph. The religious uprising in Egypt probably occurred before the children if Israel came to Egypt. Imagine for a second, a rogue Pharaoh suddenly breaking with hundreds of years of tradition to establish a monotheistic religion. A single priest of this religion has a daughter destined to become the wife of Joseph and a direct descendant of Jesus Christ. The god/man of Christianity. After the death of that Pharaoh, the religion of Egypt reverted back to polytheism and never again did such a thing occur.

Peculiar, interesting, amazing? I think so.

Drive By Hi!

I am just stopping to dash off a note. I am at work. Just got out of court. I was subpoenaed for a rent and damage hearing against one of my clients. Let me just say, I hate lawyers on general principles. I'm sure there are some sincerely dedicated lawyers but my experience is that most are obnoxious, rude boors. The plaintiff's attorney was the rudest man. Understand these are not MY lawyers but the lawyers for the tenant and the landlord.

Well, started that yesterday and never got back to it! My whole day was like that. After work I went to Mike's to fix his mouse on his computer and didn't get home until 7 p.m. His computer is a mess and needs a good cleaning off. I am going to just reformat him and start clean, I think. Take two days to do it but it downloaded the Service Pack 3 for XP and my guess is that caused the problems. His speed is about the same as mine but he is not running at that capacity at all.

When I got home at 7 I realized immediately something was wrong. Jerry was at work. My heat dials back to 60 during the hours he is at work and at 5 will be warmed back up to comfort level for me when I get in. At 7 it was still 60 degrees! I tried all I knew to get it working but finally called the repairman at 8 p.m. -- after normal business hours. He was really nice and we talked about possibly waiting until morning but I was concerned the pipes would freeze and burst and then I'd have a plumber's service call on top of the heating problem. I hated to ask anyone to come out in that cold and work on it. It was 17 degrees.

So, he came and worked an hour and a half and found the problem. Then, he said he didn't have the part because it is one they don't carry on the trucks. Its an old part. He said he'd get me heat for the night and get the part in the morning. He was going to hard wire it but he went out and cleaned the part and connections and plugged it back in and it fired right up! He thinks it was dirty connections. I had a choice of not replacing the part but I was worried it may be defective and he agreed it could be and there was no way to know. So, now I'm thinking another service call and a part on top of this nighttime call.

You know, I sat in the study for the whole time he was working just outside the window and I prayed for it to be something simple. That unit cost us $3500 when we bought it 11 years ago and it is nearing the time when it has to be replaced again. I dread it because now it probably cost $5000!

When he was done, the final bill for an after hours call was $133. Today the guy called me and told me how much the part is. He says he can sell it to me at cost and just run by and put it in for us at no extra charge but there wouldn't be a warranty with it since he can't tell the company and he could get in a lot of trouble if they found out. The part was only $12 at cost and $20 with their markup. I told him I didn't want anyone to get in trouble and if something went wrong, I might not be able to get it corrected. He agreed and then said he would only charge me $50 for the part and to come by and put it in with new connectors too. So, I feel I came out ahead. He was so nice and I think he would have just sold it to me at cost and put it in for free if I had asked but I really would hate for anyone to get in trouble for doing me a favor.

So, now I have heat. I really need to get a home warranty on my appliances. This is getting expensive. I replaced the refrigerator last year. My dryer is not well. I have an old washer. Now the heat is acting up. So, I better plan now.

I have to get back to work. This has taken me the better part of two days to actually get this far. Tonight I am going to be cleaning out some files and clearing some more clutter. Hope you all have a great day, wherever you are.

Long Days, Short Nights

I wonder why it is that long days are followed by short nights? I never have enough time from 5 p.m. to 6 a.m. to accomplish all my needs and desires. We had David, Becca, and Sarah over tonight and they left around 9 p.m. Sarah was in rare form. We got to sing, dance, read Clifford, and just chatter all over the place. She is such a sweet baby but will not let her mother out of her sight for five minutes when she is nearby. She kisses her and pats her cheek and says, "You so sweet, Mommy. I love you. It's all right." She is just an angel.

Potty training is apparently complete and Sarah has graduated to panties completely. Oh, and three's are too large but they don't sell 2's! So, we have to boil them to make them shrink enough to stay up. LOL! She doesn't wet the bed at all.. I'm talking completely potty trained - #1 & #2 as we used to say. In less than two months. I'm astounded. I should have been so lucky. Hah!

My pain has disappeared except for my shoulder and neck. I have no idea what is going on with that but I have virtually NO pain since Sunday night. Several people had similar experiences at church Sunday night and told about it but I didn't have any special prayer or even ask for prayer. Didn't realize it even until today. I'm thankful and will just say Praise the Lord for even small blessings. No pain is no small blessing.

I'm going to bed soon and try to get some extra rest.

I am really aggravated with myself because there's been no writing in over a week. First I was miserable with pain. Then, I had to move stuff and clean stuff and now, I'm just tired. I have been sticking to a plan though and it has been helping keep things prioritized so I will soon be back on track. Still have lots to clean out and toss away. I can't believe some of the things I've kept and don't remember why! I have realized I am an information junkie.

Yes, folks, I am addicted to information and knowledge. I can't help it. If I find an interesting article somewhere and can tear it out, copy it, print it out, or bookmark it I do. I may read it right away but more often than not, I never get around to it because something more important pushes it back. Eventually, I have this huge file (pile) of information. I do read it but I never get finished with all of it because I keep adding to it. I have several notebooks of articles I printed out to read. I'll be going through those this week.

You know, I've always said I have a mind like a sink. . . . . hole! I used to be able to win every round of Trivial Pursuit. My husband had a friend who loved the game. He came over one night and brought his game with him. We played for hours. LOL, you know, he never asked to do that again! That was about 22 years ago!

I am having a colonoscopy on Monday. As of tomorrow I have to watch my diet and can't take my anti-inflammatory medicine. This is where it could get bad. As of Friday, I can't take the RA medicine either so after that, it may get really ugly. Those are the two meds that keep my disease in check. I stand to be in a very bad place by Monday. So you can see why I really hope that this last two days is a touch from God and it continues. On Sunday I can't eat at all until after the procedure on Monday morning and as I am considered diabetic, this can give me other problems. I'm less worried about that because I produce insulin but my body doesn't utilize it well - insulin resistant.

As of tomorrow I can't have any nuts, seeds, skin, purple foods or red foods. I don't actually eat much red and purple but I love nuts. This kind of diet will be a pain because it is actually looking at my food ! LOL.

That's it for me, folks. I'm ready to call it a night. I hope you all have a great week and you get over the hump without incident.

Gloom, Doom, and A Working Day

I'm depressed today. Not sure why. Lately, I've felt o.k. except for the pain but today, I am just down in the dumps. I didn't want to come to work today. When I went out to my car I had a memory of when I was a child going to school. I hated school and never wanted to go and I had this sensation this morning of being in that place and time again.

We didn't get Sarah yesterday either. When we went to pick her up she wouldn't leave her mother. Jerry is very upset. He never gets to see her anymore and he had his whole weekend off planned around having her. I guess I'm upset too. I hated to see him so upset about it but I can't fix it. He said he's not even going to try and get her anymore. He just can't take the disappointment.

They asked me to sing at church last night. I never sing much anymore and so I have this one song that a lady there likes and I sing it every time they ask me to sing. Well, why learn a new one when you don't ever sing? But I'm bored with it now. I used to love to sing and I sang in church a lot, in the choir and special songs but since I've been here I stopped singing. Mainly, they don't ask and I finally stopped being prepared. So, when they do call on me I am a bit frustrated. I almost said no but my training under a previous pastor held true. I probably don't sing more than four times a year now. Not enough to go to the bother of learning a new song.

Well, I know a lot of songs but I hate singing without practicing. I'm not that good a singer to start with! LOL. I can carry a tune most of the time but there are only certain styles that I do well with and I don't have a large range. I tend to be between an alto and a soprano ... is that a contra-alto? Don't know. I say I sing open letter style. Open your mouth and let her fly.

I stopped and did some work and then went to lunch with Mike.

I'm really depressed and don't even want to write about it. Crazy, huh? How many times do you remember that happening? LOL.

Actually, when I feel like this it means something is wrong or about to go wrong. I hate it. It's like a fire bell but you don't see any smoke so you don't know where it is. I don't know what I can do about it so, back to work with me. I may catch up later at home.

Sundown

The day is winding down. Today is our wedding anniversary. Thirty-five years today. It has been a quiet day around here. Jerry and I went to church this morning and then, had lunch at Captain D's . That's fish for those not familiar with the seafood franchise. I had the fried clams and he had fish. We came home and sat around watching a movie we started last night but didn't finish. Footsteps with Candice Bergen. Really a good movie! It was on Hulu. I really like Hulu. When we were done with that one, we watch an old movie with Joseph Cotton called A Blue Print for Murder. Also a very good movie.

I went and had a short nap and just got ready for church. We are picking up Sarah tonight to take her with us. Not sure why but we are.It's very difficult to take her because I have to wrestle with her during the whole service and I'm not doing very well with the pain. THat means I'll be in more pain and won't get to enjoy service. This is all Jerry's idea and so, instead of sleeping during the service he can keep her occupied.

Do I sound annoyed? I guess I am. I spent all afternoon trying to get Jerry to take a nap and he sat and kept nodding off in the chair while this movie was on. Now I get to sit next to him while he gets his real sleep in church. I hate that. If you aren't going to listen to the minister why bother to go!

The other problem is that Sarah no longer understands what I expect of her at church. She hasn't been with me in nearly a year. I understand at her church her mother lets other people play with her and keep her during the service. I never let my children go from person to person in church and call me old fashioned if you want. Children should sit with their parents and behave. I always carried small toys and books for them to play with and we sat far enough apart so that they could play between Jerry and I. I never had a minute's trouble out of them and they grew up loving church and knowing that they had to be quiet. I've always belonged to shouting and singing church so noise wouldn't be noticed but I meant disruptive noise.

So, deep breath and get rid of the frustration. I'm not going to be a pain about it. I've gotten it out of my system and now I will just do what I have to do.

Sorry I have not written much this week but junk. I'm been missing writing the good stuff a lot. My pain was bad all week and I just sort of lay around. My vacation after vacation, I call it. The weather is just causing a lot of problems. A man in our church sits in front of us and he is so very nice. He has the same problem I have and he always ask how I've been doing and we laugh about our shared aches. Oh God! I'm an old lady. I talk about my aches and pains.

Well, I'm not old. I'm a young woman trapped in an aging shell and I can't get out. I keep telling people to let me out and they just shake their head and say I'm crazy to boot.

Much Ado... No, That's TO DO

I had plans to have Sarah today but apparently they stayed up all night so that isn't happening. Again.

I also planned to do some things round the house that begins shortly. I am rearranging my study and spare room. I'm spreading things out and organizing them. I want to get more functional space in the study and I want a sewing area. I've had no place to sew for several years and I miss it. I need a nice comfy chair, too, sit and read or watch a movie. I can do it in the living room but Jerry and I don't share the same tastes in television or movies. So, I can watch Lord of the Rings and Star Wars to my heart's content if I can get a nice place to sit.

I'm going through books too. I never toss books or even give them away if I l like them but I've decided that it is time to scale back some areas. I keep too much and my children will never share my interests. So, handing books down is silly. Maybe Sarah will one day want some of those that are special to me, but those days are far down the road.

It is so cold out and Jerry and I went out this morning to shop at some second hand stores. I was looking for something. Don't ask me what. It was "I'll know it when I see it" shopping. I picked up Mike a dish drainer and two glasses. I bought him some plastic ones when he moved so he would have something to drink out of but these were two pretty cobalt blue "glass" glasses. I hate drinking out of plastic and everyone needs the real thing. He doesn't have guest as far as I know so I don't know if it matters.

Well, I have to run and get busy. Mike is here doing his laundry and the television is blaring. I hope he gets done soon so the house will be silent! He's not doing anything but Mike is deaf in one ear so things have to be loud for him. A hearing aid won't help him because it is nerve deafness and can't be repaired or aided.

Have a good weekend and maybe I'll be back later with more profound words.

The Importance of Correct Punctuation

I got this joke this morning but it is far more serious that usual. I truly can't reinforce enough how important it is to write correctly. This bears it out. And please, if you have a lack of education or ability, this is NOT targeted to you. It is a joke but one with a point.

I am aware that some people were not trained well and some not at all in communication skills. But you're never too old to learn. Writing is a good way to learn how to write and if you read and use good resources it is much easier than you think! You can actually learn to write by reading!

O.k. lecture over. Now the joke.

The Importance of Correct Punctuation

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are
generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you
admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for
other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever
when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be
yours?
Gloria

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are
generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you.
Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For
other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever.
When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me
be?
Yours,
Gloria
--
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Improving

Tomorrow is Friday and I can't wait. What a week! I'm better but I've been treading lightly with this neck and shoulder. Just lay on the couch propped strategically on a pillow.

I'm a bit depressed tonight and not going to post much. I just wanted to let you all know I'm a bit better. Thanks so much for the concern expressed by all of you.

No writing this week, I'm afraid, Alice. It was more than I could deal with after a day at work and the pain levels. I'm still having joint and tissue pain all over but the neck is much improved and shoulder is not so bad. If I can keep the migraine at bay I'll manage. I'm on my way to bed now.

Have a good week, what's left of it. Say a prayer for my friend, Lisa. She's going through a difficult time with her children right now. They're being juveniles and she's hurt by their actions.

Major Paine. . . Oh, That's Pain!

I left work early with a serious migraine. Did not get the med until too late, after lunch. I left at two and came home. Slept all afternoon, off and on. Woke between five and six. Showered and lay on the couch watching videos of Dark Shadows I checked out of the library. Took a second Imitrex around seven or eight.

I've been hurting for two or three days and today it sky rocketed with this headache. On my way to bed now but wanted to stop in to say good night. I HOPE it will be a good night. I took my muscle relaxant. Lots of shoulder joint pain, leg pain and hands.

Just pray for me. The weather is a bitch. Pardon my language but that is about the most truth you'll find on the planet tonight. I say it in sincere honest. And she's killing me.

Night and not good.

For a Soldier Boy

Please keep my nephew, James Joshua, in your prayers. He is leaving for Afghanistan soon. He has been in Iraq for a while now. He just spent the holidays with his family - my sister, Roselynn - and they are having a very difficult time with this. Pray for a covering of protection over him while he serves there.

Remember to pray for all the sons and daughters who have volunteered to serve in the military services. These people go in with open eyes. They know what they may be called to do and still they go. Some never dreamed this would happen. They just saw those military sign-up bonuses and thought they'd do their three years and be done. Others truly believe that someone must stand on the wall and watch. They knew they may have to lay down their lives in defense. These do not question or argue. They go. So pray for our service men and women.

There are so many of our people serving in this war, in harms way, for an ideal that so many have criticized. We can blame the president, we can blame the congress, we can blame anyone we want. But as a Christian, I am very aware of the forces at work in this present day that would seek to destroy this nation and any nation that refuses to be prisoner to terrorists. Say what you will, if we sit down and do nothing, this monster will destroy us. They know it ,too. They never believed we would do anything to fight. Until 9/11. So, do we wait for another 9/11?

I was wondering exactly what are we willing to give up to stop this war? Shall we sit back while millions in other countries die or become enslaved by these sub-humans? Have you really studied what they do to those who oppose them? There is so much more than what you have see in the news. Do your research and learn what they have done in those countries where they rule. They are intolerant, misogynistic, against any religion but their own, megalomaniac, and believe that the ends justify the means. Whatever they have to do, whoever they have to kill, maim or destroy is just fine as long as the world becomes Islamic. That is what we are fighting. An enemy seeking world domination. They even kill their own people. Look at the factions fighting in Iraq! Saddam was their worst enemy and once he was gone, they turned on one another and began killing each other.

Why do we fight? Because ALL people are created equal. All have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, regardless of their cultural or religious background and no one has the right to infringe on those rights for others. I don't have to agree with you. You don't have to agree with me. But neither of us has the right to enslave the other and enforce compliance.

So, hate the war, hate your leaders, hate the death and destruction. Just remember if we lose, what will you be willing to do when your loved ones head is taken? That's is what they have vowed to do to any who resist their control.

Don't think for one minute I am for this war. I don't want anyone in my family to enlist. I don't want anyone to have to fight. But I look at Sarah and I ask myself if I am willing for her to be forced to live like they make their women live? What would I do to protect her? Would I want my son to become one of them? For Sarah, I would kill whoever got between us. I don't want to die until it is my time. But I don't want to live that way.

So, pray for those who do fight, that God will protect them. Pray for those who don't, that God will protect them. For it the fight is lost, those who failed to fight will suffer even more.



I just know someone is going to rip me a new one.....

Coming Up With Ideas

Sometimes when I sit down here there are just no words and no ideas to put on the screen. My mind is as blank as the page before me. I'm annoyed today. I was going to go to church this morning but we were so late getting to bed that both of us were wiped out. Jerry worked until 9:30 and we took Sarah to see the Festival of Lights. We had to rush because they stop at 10 p.m. Today is the last day of it and we wanted her to see them. Garvin Park is filled with light displays every Christmas for about a month and the proceeds go to the United Way. It $7-$10 per car load depending on the size of the vehicle I guess. You can get a carriage ride too from downtown through the park and back for about $35 but I'm telling you, it is cooooold. I'd like it but not on a rainy or cold night. Anyway, she loved them. Kept saying "Oooooo, it's so pretty."

When we got home we fixed something to eat and played with her but it was midnight before they came and got her. I told him no more. If he wants to visit, he has to get up and go see her before work. I can't keep hours like that and get up early the next day. So, another day of church missed. I'm getting tired of it.

I'm having some pain this morningm too. Oh, who am I kidding! I'm having lots of pain! My hands feel swollen and tight and the joints hurt. My knees hurt and my lower back. My shoulder joints are really painful. Oddly, my neck is only mildly painful from sleeping on my left side. I've tried everything to alleviate that. I wake up when I roll over and get my pillow to support my head but it doesn't really help. It is sleeping on that shoulder that aggravates the pain.

So, I'm a ball of pain. None of it will stop me, of course. I still have to do things. I had a massage yesterday afternoon and felt better for it but it never last. Jerry bought that for me for Christmas. It was at a place I had not been before and I won't go back. The gift was $35 for half hour but I usually schedule an hour and pay the difference where I normally go and an hour is $60 so I just end up paying and extra $25. Well, these people charged me another $35 for a second half hour session! They made an extra $10 off me. When I scheduled it they didn't tell me that or I'd have just gone with the half hour and next time back to my old place.

I stopped here long enough to eat a biscuit and gravy and get a fresh cup of joe. I found some really wonderful gravy mix at Wal-Mart. It makes the breakfast gravy you get at restaurants! Pioneer Brand Country Gravy Mix. It is a very large box and will last a long time for just us but it is a nice change for breakfast. And this stuff is delicious! Scramble up some eggs, fix a bowl of grits and a biscuit and gravy. Heart attack here I come? Well, I won't be eating that every morning, I can assure you. I'd have to get up and fix it! I made some last night and put it in the refrigerator so I know it keeps wel. But unlike my friend Jilly, whose husband fixes and serves her breakfast in bed, I fear my spouse is of the more garden variety. Actually, more of a weed in this respect. He does bring me coffee every morning while I'm getting dressed for work or church. I like that because it saves me time but it also is a nice gesture.

I seem to have solved my idea problem so I'll be going now. I'm going to call up Samantha and Alex (Mist and Winter) and see which of those girls will talk to me. You know, sometimes, they're just down right rude.

Have a wonderful day!

Surrender

I've got my browser open where I can hear the music on my home page and write my post for today.This play list contains songs from my youth. I love John Denver and particularly that first song. I first heard Sweet Surrender in probably 1975 and I have never forgotten it. I had it on a 45 rpm record and played it over and over. For some reason this is a song that simply speaks to my heart. Denver was like that, wasn't he? I like a lot of his songs but this one song has stuck with me.

Surrender is something we just can't get our heads around. We spend our lives fighting to survive, clutching and clinging to everything we come in contact with. I remember someone pointing out that a baby comes into the world with his tiny fists clenched but a man dies with his hands opened. The infant begins life clinging and clutching at life but at death, man realizes there is nothing left to cling to or grasp and all that he held must now be relinquished. It is as if he has learned too late that surrender is the goal.

I once told of the time I had surgery and they gave me the anesthesia to put me to sleep. I fought that stuff so hard. I hate to be knocked out. I remember the anesthesiologist telling me that I had to stop fighting and go to sleep. I couldn't talk but mentally, I prayed and told God that I was surrendering to him and when I let go it was like falling backward into nothing. Frightening and amazing at the same time.

Remember when you were a kid and you played the game where you and a friend took turns falling backward into the others arms? What, you didn't play that? I did. You had to stand straight and fall straight back. And there were only certain friends that you could do that with and you knew who they were!

Surrender.

What a strange concept. To give oneself up into the power of another. To stop struggling against the tide and allow yourself to be carried away. To float on top of your troubles and let them pass beneath you.

Surrender .... Sweet Surrender, live without care

Wow.

Happy New Year... for real this time!

Well, then... I reckon y'all got depressed by my last post. That or y'all are still in bed after a night of partying! But you know, I gotta call it as I see it. And that's how I saw it yesterday. Oh, and today, too.

The new day has dawned and we have entered a new year. I hope and pray it is a blessed year for you. I've lets birthday wishes for some of you with birthday's coming up because as you know, I go back to work next week and it is going to be a . . . well, lets just say not pretty. I have no idea what my time will be like in the evenings.

At the moment, I've run out of steam on the house cleaning. Yesterday was the day for it, I guess. Now, I just want to sit down and do nothing. Jerry is in there sorting medications. He has about 20 bottles of stuff and some is so old it should have been tossed over a year ago. I told him to get rid of it or I would. His meds are sent from the VA and the seem to send too much at one time or they change a prescription before he is done with the first one.

I'm going to get back to work on the novels today. I would like to get about 10,000 words each on them before Monday. LOL! I'll let you know.

Everyone have a great day with your families! Happy New Year!

The Last Day

We finally reach it - our last day. Mankind had reached a nadir while above the sun is shining. On the horizon is darkness and one can only wonder what lies ahead for us all. Will we go on? Was there a better place waiting? Or would the crouching darkness devour our very souls? What will we do?

The last year has been one of radical change, chaos, and confusion. We'd weathered it but there were many wounded and many battle-scarred. Some had died on the field. Even the earth had been assaulted. The villages and towns that still stood were reeling under fiscal problems, energy crises, and joblessness. In many places children cried for food while famine raged in the land. Wars among factions had only increased, their participants splintering skirmishes around the globe.

Terror had become a raging monster fed by a demonic mindset. Children had lain bleeding or dismembered in the streets, a sacrifice to a violent god filled with hatred and minds so twisted by their fables that they believe a lie and are damned themselves.

I scanned the horizon, looking for some sign, some rising star, some glimmer of hope. I saw none. We had obliterated hope along with faith. No one prayed anymore for peace and safety because there was no longer a God to pray to. Or if there was, He must remain hidden in case someone actually grasped His garments in desperation and began to believe in Him. Goodness was servant to selfishness. Mercy lay dying on the alter of intolerance, bigotry, and self-righteousness. No longer was there freedom to speak without fear. No longer could one assert a righteous indignation without fear of reprisal or accusations of religiousness. Death lurked around every corner waiting for a willing participant to utilize his tools.

I sat down on the rotting stump of an ancient oak. It had stood many centuries, growing tall, strong, and full. It's branches had sheltered many from storms, given shade to the weary travelers, and lifted up a multitude of downcast eyes. But long ago they'd begun to hew it down. It had taken a couple of generations to succeed but finally they had chopped it down and burned the carcase. Only the stump remained, a slowly rotting reminder of a time when people actually believed in something good. When ideals, dreams, and hopes were allowed to flourish without dissension.

The sun was lower in the west now, near the time when the darkness would be complete. From the East, it had begun to crawl along the ground, reaching long probing fingers toward us. We stood and watched, making no effort to greet it and none to stop it. I knew that it would overtake us but some part of me continued to search along that dividing line between light and dark, as a thirsty animal searches for a watering hole. Still I saw nothing but approaching darkness. The light behind me dimmed further as the power of that darkness began to overwhelm it.

Then, it came. One moment a fleeting glow suddenly shut out by overwhelming blackness the consistence of tar. My heart pounded so hard I knew others must hear but I couldn't see beyond my outstretched fingertips. I felt tears begin to course down my cheeks and my stomach twisted in knots as I stood in a a night deeper than any well I'd ever seen. I had no measure of how long it lasted because without the sun, time didn't exist.

Just as the last flame of hope in my heart began to gutter like a candle in the wind, I raised my head and hands and strained my eyes to the void. Suddenly, from the farthest reaches of the heavens came a tiny flicker, so faint it would have been undetectable to the casual observer. But I was searching for that flicker and as I watched through blinding tears, it grew and expanded and blazed forth with gathering strength, until it broke through the darkness and glowed brightly -a single star in a vast expanse of nothingness. All around me I heard gasps as first one, and another and then, another star broke through until all the heavens were filled with brilliant starlight, their beams stretching to touch one another.

I looked at the horizon again and saw where the earth and sky formed a line and stars blinked along it the way diamonds do on a necklace. I turned back to my ancient stool for a seat to observe the wonder of it all. At the base of the stump, where gnarled roots snaked away and into the ground, a single green stalk now stood. Tender green leaves had unfurled during the long dark night and now began to reach to the lightening sky.

Then, it came, blazing from the east and banishing the darkness to the depths. A fresh breeze began to blow and dawn came with a chorus of songbirds. We were here.

Now, what will we do?

Impending Cosmic Event

A new year is on the horizon! Well, what did you think I meant?

Morning to all my visitors, friends, and wannabe friends. I hope as the end approaches you are taking the opportunity to spend time with your families, feast, and frolic. The end is near . . . when you have to go back to work.

For those already working, you have my sympathy. I've been off since Christmas Eve and will return to work next Monday. I'm not looking forward to it. It isn't that I am not thankful for my job, I am. I just hate working in an office 9-5 five days a week. I work with some fun people. I have a variety of duties that demand my time and provide a level of interest that allows me to survive until 5 p.m. But I'd rather be writing, reading, sewing, playing with Sarah, fixing up the house, writing, reading . . . oh, already said that.

This week my plan is to get this house in order but it has already hit several snags. Mike came over and helped me move the table back into the den (the one with no heat and junk headed for other areas, such as the dump if I have my way). But after that other people had places to go guess who was in charge of transporting? Jerry had to be at work at three so after three nothing got done. I had to get ready for church by six. He got off at 8:30 while I was still at church. I got in around 10:30. Uh, well, we have real church... singing, shouting, preaching, shouting, singing and praying. Not that other kinds of church aren't real . . . but I wouldn't know how to act. We are in the middle of Winter Warm-up at church. Great service last night and I expect another tonight.

I've been up since 7:30 and Jerry's still sleeping. I'm going to get dressed and get started but now I don't know where to start! LOL! There's plenty of places but what first?

I want to do some writing this afternoon. I'm working on Mist and have done two and a half chapters this week. Alice will be in clover! I need to get as many done on Winter. I have six months for that to be completely done and I reeeeeally want to do it.

So, I'm off for a bit. When I am home like this I find time to pop in more but the content is abysmally boring. So bear with me.

I have a couple of invitations pending out there. Please do not think I am ignoring you. I'm not. I just declined a couple that have been pending for a couple of months. I have a couple of posts . . . well, actually about four I think, on the process I use to add folks. If you're lazy and don't want to look them up, here they are in a nutshell. Being too lazy to read my posts will probably not get you added, by the way. They are listed as favorites on the home page and so should be easy to find.

1. I want to see an actual site, with "stuff" on it that will tell me "who" and "what" you are
2. I want to read several posts, usually several week's of posts
3. I try and pray over each one I think of adding before I add them
4. I look for things in common, of interest, or unique to your site that will keep me interested 'cause I will read it and don't want to waste either of our time (if you never post, I will eventually delete you . . . cause you're not home when I stop by! Well.... unless you're related to me. {sigh} Exceptions are not good and so rare.)
5. I will add NO ONE with inappropriate content and will delete anyone who adds it later.
6. I am religious, very much so but I do not expect you to share my feelings. But I do expect you to respect them and I welcome respectful disagreement
7. I am, at times, funny, interesting, boring, sad, angry, frustrated, annoyed, irritated, and just spitting mad. I'll be saying so. This blog is all about ME. If that's going to be hard to live with, you may want to reconsider your invitations.
8. I AM NOT LOOKING FOR BOYFRIENDS - I've had a husband 35 years. I'm over it. Although, here on multiply, I've had fewer marriage proposals . . . gee, I'm wounded.

So, there you have the gist of it. There is probably more.

I suggest you visit my current contacts to see what I like. I have some people I added for interest, some for entertainment, some for comfort, and all because I like them. Can you believe, I've actually added people at THEIR request and they later deleted me without explanation! How rude is that? They were "friends of friends" and I no longer accept these based on that relationship until I check them out for a bit.So, before you add me or invite me, be sure you want to be seen here. I certainly don't want to embarrass you or be embarrassed by you!

Now, daylight's burning and I have tons of work to do yet! Have a great day everyone!

Monday Morning Mission

I'm still adjusting the theme. I'm on a mission this morning. In about 30 minutes I will begin CLEANING MY HOUSE! I'm telling you, I 'bout had enough of this mess. Mike is coming over to help me move some things and I want to clean out closets and shelves and take down my tree. I never leave it up anymore until New Year. I want to start the new year fresh and clean and uncluttered. I have two days to do it. LOL!

Y'all better be praying for me, too, because I see major pain looming on the horizon after this. But it has to be done. I'm serious. The place is becoming a hazardous waste site. I told Jerry this morning he either cleans his side of the room up or I'm moving into Mike's old room. I can't stand it anymore.

I don't know what is wrong with him but he won't throw anything away and leaves his dirty laundry in the corner so he can do it himself. Now, why he can't take it out of the hamper, is beyond me but apparently that's too difficult. We have a small room and he can't put a hamper in the room. Besides, who wants dirty laundry in their bedroom? He can't remember to do his laundry if it isn't lying in front of him? I don't know. This is a person who was obsessively clean for decades and suddenly he hordes ever scrap of paper, every plastic bottle, every useless item he can and it is driving me nuts.

O.k. that's way more than I intended to share. Suffice it to say, I'm cleaning out some of the garbage. It has to go or I do. I'll see y'all when I get a spare minute.

I say Mike is helping. I suspect he'll help some but I'll have a time keeping him off the computer. He's a cyber-junkie.

Ta Ta for now!

Messing Around

As you can see, I'm messing around again with my page. Those blinking stars are a Google skin I added as a background. Bit busy but for now, I'll leave it as it is festive.

I've been working on the books again. Lordy, BOOKS! Two at once. I've never been this crazy! Only managed to write several pages in Mist thus far tonight. I was going to work on Winter too but I lay down at 7 p.m. and slept until 8:30 when I had to go get Jerry fom work. Since we are down to one car, I can't go to church on Sunday night if he works. He gets off at 8:30 and would have to stand in the cold for over an hour. I think I was really tired. I'm still tired and probably going to go to bed shortly. I am hoping to get a lot accomplished tomorrow and the rest of the week. I have several things I want to do before Monday.

I hope you are all enjoying your week. Some of you will already be into Monday and anticipating the New Year celebrations. My church has Winter Warm-Up every year the week of the month. Usually two to three nights. This year it is Monday and Tuesday night. Since Wednesday is a holiday, we are not having church that night. A lot of people do family things on Christmas and New Year so we usually cancel services that fall on those days and have it earlier in the week. Since Warm Up is earlier in the week. . . well you get it by now. LOL

I'm off ladies and laddies. Have a great evening if you're just starting and a great day if that is about to begin.

Whew! Glad That's Done

You know, I love holidays but I'm so glad when they are over. I really wanted a lovely Christmas day and for the most part it was. My sons argued and I sent one home before lunch! My sister got snotty about where she had to park Christmas Eve! I have a large drive area but you can only get so many cars in it and she said my husband was "double parked"! In his own driveway! So, she threatened to leave. How stupid is that? And then she didn't come to Christmas dinner because she had a headache. Whatever! I didn't point out to her that when I go to her house I have to park in the street. I don't know why she makes this issue about the parking here but she does it all the time and it is so foolish. It's my drive, for heaven's sake!

LOL, maybe I shouldn't tell all that. Makes us sound like savages. Or dysfunctional. Well, we are dysfunctional. I don't have a normal family and I've reached the stage in my life that I just am too annoyed to pretend otherwise. My sons are jerks for the most part. I love 'em dearly but those two are only about themselves. And they do not take after MY family! Daddy would have beat the crap out of us if we'd acted as they do. Believe me when I say they know better too but they're too old to beat. So, I send them home. I just won't tolerate ill manners any longer, nor pigs in the parlor!

But my son's in-laws, Sue and John, were quite nice and I enjoyed them. WE had a good dinner and visit. I really like Sue and she came over at 9 a.m. and helped me get everything ready. I'd done most of my cooking on Christmas Eve. We had ham, chicken dressing, sweet pea salad, green bean casserole (Sue's contribution), REAL banana pudding, cherry cheese cake, lemon pie, chocolate pie, apple pie and pumpkin spice pie (the last two both Sue's contribution.

Sue is a little woman but let me tell you, she can eat! I laughed because I don't see how a woman that tiny can eat like that and stay tiny! I have to get a photo sometime of Sue and post it. I feel like an Amazon next to her.

They left after dinner and I sent them some food that evening. There was plenty go around. When I make dressing I make tons! My family loves it and I freeze some for New Years Day.

My husband gave me a visit to the spa for a massage. My sister gave me an digital photo album for my desk and I think I will like it. My Dad and my step-mom, Mary, sent us money which was very much needed. I can't tell them how much I appreciated that gift. I am using it to get a new microwave. Mine went out about three months ago. We've been using Mike's because it was just sitting in storage. But he moved out and this week I gave it back not thinking I'd need one for the holiday! Dad's & Mary's gift only arrived on Tuesday and I didn't have time to shop for one. Becca brought her's over and we used it but tonight I needed one again. So, tomorrow I'm shopping for my own. Out of Dad's gift, I paid a bill for each of the boys. So, that gave them some help, too. Again, thanks so very much, Dad and Mary. And I will probably find a better deal now than I would have earlier in the week.

So, my the holiday is over and I can have a whole week to do what I want to do. I plan on doing some rearranging in the house and tossing. Things, not people. I have too much junk and am too crowded. I want my space back and no room to allow anyone to move back home. I've decided to redecorate my bedroom the way I did the study a couple of years ago. I think a hunter green with white trim. Not sure yet but my bed is blond wood and I have to find something to go with it. I don't favor browns much on the walls.

I am working on both Mist and Winter! It is hard but I think it is working for me. I've posted new photos of my little angel. Take a look.

Well, got to get going. I will be in and out. Hope you all have a great weekend.

A Tradition is Born

Amid all the hustle and bustle and seriousness of the season, laughter is another huge part of the Christmas holiday. If you haven't laughed today, maybe you will after this. I suspect you have all seen this in your email several times, as I have, but a good joke is hard to keep down.

It was supposed to be a happy time, but it wasn't. Santa was really angry. It was Christmas Eve, and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in while making toys, and the reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. They had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree, breaking off one of the runners.

Santa was beside himself with anger. "I CAN'T believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world just a few hours from now, and all my reindeer are drunk, my elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"

Just then the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree behind him. "Yo, Santa," he said, "where do you want me to stick the Christmas tree this year?"

And thus the tradition of angels perched atop the Christmas trees came to pass...