Can't Catch A Fish

 I have so much to say! Where to start? I really don't want to give you a litany of my woes, but this is a personal journal and honestly, I need to just get it out. Struggling to cope with a hopeless situation is exhausting, and it affects my health, I'm sure. So, feel free to leave with no hard feelings. 

I haven't posted since January 5, but things have been hectic getting Sarah sorted out and managing a severe infection. However, my sinus infection has cleared up, and the cough is finally lessening. I had so much drainage I nearly drowned from it at night. 

Since October, I've been ill. I've had financial issues related to the car and house that totally wiped me out. 

By December, I worried about how I was going to keep paying some bills. It isn't like I have any hope of an increase in money. There was no raise for seniors when Biden did his pay hike. Retirement is set. Social Security and a widow's pension get a once a year cost-of-living increase. This year they gave us about $50 in COLA. That's average for Social Security. There is no other source and ain't nobody gifting me anything. And Caesar is going to get his denarii and I don't fish. (Matt 17:24-27)

In January, I started renting a room to a friend, and that has helped some. She is saving to buy a house so she won't be here forever, but it has helped keep the bills paid. And she's lovely company when she's here. 

I thought I'd be able to get the bank account revived. Then the home and auto insurance doubled. I had to worry about whether I could drive my car or if I should sell the car. It's paid off. It would get me out of a bind to sell it. So, you can imagine how concerned I was. And there is no one to call for help. 

So I prayed. But then, I have been praying for 8 months about the problems that just keep getting worse. And I shopped for insurance. I called a company I used before and could get insured for half of what the other company was going to charge me. That's $100 a month saved. Answered prayer! But it doesn't solve my problems. 

For a few weeks now, I've thought about finding a job. How do I do that? I can't work full time with my RA. In fact, for two weeks now, I've had trouble walking and holding things. I guess it is a flare, but I can't be sure. I just know getting up and down is literally a pain. 

The bright spot in my world is Sarah. If you've read this blog before, you know she lived with me for about 9 yrs as a child. She has been away with her Dad for about 7. This December she came home to live again. It is so good to see her and for weeks now I've watched her blossom in her independence and confidence. I thought she was gone for good. 

She is amazing. We began working on getting her into GED classes and looking for a job. She attended her first official class today. Tomorrow, she goes to work at Hardee's 5 minutes from home. She got the job on her own. I helped with getting her enrolled in class. Yesterday, I got her work clothes prepared and an outfit for school. Can you believe she is 17? Watching her is so encouraging and exciting.

So there you have the last 6 months in a nutshell. I may have mentioned some of this in a previous post, but I do not remember. I have always been able to figure out a solution to problems and eventually solve them. But now, I have no solution. For the first time in 20 yrs, I don't know what I'm going to do. Wait till the ax falls, the shoe drops, or the end comes. It doesn't seem to matter which. 

I apologize for this post. It isn't very interesting, but it is a peek into what life is like when you have no one to turn to in a crisis. Once, I could handle anything that came. Now, I'm tired.