Wash Day

I'm doing laundry today. The last load is in the dryer. I did two loads last night before I got in bed, but I've put nothing away yet. This morning I can see piles of cat hair along the baseboards. That has never happened before! I keep everything vacuumed weekly until now. And I'm just so tired I don't want to bother.

But I will. Later this evening. I am going to my sister's and get her to the infusion appointment. It goes rather fast. Yesterday, it took only 15 minutes. We're working on getting her insurance business taken care of as well. She's got to get the FMLA paperwork in today to the doctor. 

If you rent from Grand Oak here in Evansville, just know they provide little help to people who are crippled. She asked about a handrail, and they said they'd have to get back to her. I'm about to send a letter to them letting them know if they refuse, we will assume they accept full responsibility for any injuries she sustains because of that refusal. I am not feeling nice today, and that foolishness is just not gonna fly. They're terrible at repairs anyway, but this is just foolishness.

I had a rough weekend. It probably showed in my writing. I'm having to pray a lot more because of it. And I lie in bed and worry about my family and everything else. 

We're tired. Mike is only a month out from a stroke, and I get concerned he'll overdo it. I don't know how, but the fear is there. He's doing well, but I'm pretty sure his hearing is worse and his memory is worse. He's helped a lot with my sister's problem, but she has no patience with him. Today I'm going to be late getting over there. I have to do things in this house.

Right now there are so many things that have gone wrong, I can't pinpoint anything that is right. My only consolation is that when this many disasters hit one family, the devil is not happy with them. So, we must be doing something right. It will all come out in the wash. 

Can't Catch A Fish

 I have so much to say! Where to start? I really don't want to give you a litany of my woes, but this is a personal journal and honestly, I need to just get it out. Struggling to cope with a hopeless situation is exhausting, and it affects my health, I'm sure. So, feel free to leave with no hard feelings. 

I haven't posted since January 5, but things have been hectic getting Sarah sorted out and managing a severe infection. However, my sinus infection has cleared up, and the cough is finally lessening. I had so much drainage I nearly drowned from it at night. 

Since October, I've been ill. I've had financial issues related to the car and house that totally wiped me out. 

By December, I worried about how I was going to keep paying some bills. It isn't like I have any hope of an increase in money. There was no raise for seniors when Biden did his pay hike. Retirement is set. Social Security and a widow's pension get a once a year cost-of-living increase. This year they gave us about $50 in COLA. That's average for Social Security. There is no other source and ain't nobody gifting me anything. And Caesar is going to get his denarii and I don't fish. (Matt 17:24-27)

In January, I started renting a room to a friend, and that has helped some. She is saving to buy a house so she won't be here forever, but it has helped keep the bills paid. And she's lovely company when she's here. 

I thought I'd be able to get the bank account revived. Then the home and auto insurance doubled. I had to worry about whether I could drive my car or if I should sell the car. It's paid off. It would get me out of a bind to sell it. So, you can imagine how concerned I was. And there is no one to call for help. 

So I prayed. But then, I have been praying for 8 months about the problems that just keep getting worse. And I shopped for insurance. I called a company I used before and could get insured for half of what the other company was going to charge me. That's $100 a month saved. Answered prayer! But it doesn't solve my problems. 

For a few weeks now, I've thought about finding a job. How do I do that? I can't work full time with my RA. In fact, for two weeks now, I've had trouble walking and holding things. I guess it is a flare, but I can't be sure. I just know getting up and down is literally a pain. 

The bright spot in my world is Sarah. If you've read this blog before, you know she lived with me for about 9 yrs as a child. She has been away with her Dad for about 7. This December she came home to live again. It is so good to see her and for weeks now I've watched her blossom in her independence and confidence. I thought she was gone for good. 

She is amazing. We began working on getting her into GED classes and looking for a job. She attended her first official class today. Tomorrow, she goes to work at Hardee's 5 minutes from home. She got the job on her own. I helped with getting her enrolled in class. Yesterday, I got her work clothes prepared and an outfit for school. Can you believe she is 17? Watching her is so encouraging and exciting.

So there you have the last 6 months in a nutshell. I may have mentioned some of this in a previous post, but I do not remember. I have always been able to figure out a solution to problems and eventually solve them. But now, I have no solution. For the first time in 20 yrs, I don't know what I'm going to do. Wait till the ax falls, the shoe drops, or the end comes. It doesn't seem to matter which. 

I apologize for this post. It isn't very interesting, but it is a peek into what life is like when you have no one to turn to in a crisis. Once, I could handle anything that came. Now, I'm tired.

Another Annoying Week of No Car

 Here we are, mid-February. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I never have gotten anything for Valentine's Day since I was a child and my Daddy would bring in chocolate candy in little heart-shaped boxes for us. I always thought it so sweet. 

My husband did nothing like that. Not in 35 years of marriage. I think I got a card a few times. I shouldn't be surprised since I was the one who remembered all the birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries and sent the assorted cards and, if necessary, gifts. Still, it is one area I still find very hurtful. He never remembered it. 

My sons have bought me flowers a few times when they had money, and that was always nice. Happened maybe twice each in their lives. I only get birthday cards from my aunt and my sister. When they were small, my sister took them shopping for gifts for me on special occasions. Again, that was nice. I have a couple of nieces who have done some special things for me a few times. 

Ever wondered how it feels to be unimportant? Imagine never getting a card or gift from someone you love on special occasions. Imagine buying your own Christmas gift and wrapping it and putting it under the tree. Yep. Sure did. He wasn't very thoughtful in that way. I tried not to think about it. But he wasn't happy when I started unwrapping those gifts at Christmas and raving over my own purchases. He did get Christmas gifts, if he remembered, last minute, Christmas eve bathrobes because what I wanted was already gone and he didn't want to spend the money. I still own two of them. I bought him nice gifts for Father's Day, his birthday, and Christmas. That is something I can say. 

I've never told people that, but I'm kind of in a bad place these days. I'm tired of all the drama of my family. I'm tired of being treated like an idiot because I disagree with their opinions and ideas. I'm tired of being important when someone else needs something and forgotten the rest of the time. It has taken me a while to remember I lived 20 years with no children. It was less painful, and I was pretty happy. I love my kids and they've been a joy growing up. You don't realize the price will often be painful. 

In other news, I still have NO CAR! The title I mailed to the address the claims office gave me never got there and has not been returned. So no payment. I spent $40 to get a new title overnighted to me. I have to spend another $20 to ship the new title to the agent. It will NOT go through the USPS. It will go FedEx. What I've spent on the title alone I could have driven to Indianapolis, an 8hr round trip from my home. How hard is it for an envelope with a TWO TRACKING NUMBERS to be lost?

Lately, I've experienced a tremendous amount of joint pain and cramps. No idea why. I was off my meds for roughly 6 weeks while the insurance worked out my records. That triggered much of it. However, the cramps in my arms, legs, back, sides, etc are inexplicable. I should get back to the gym, but at the moment, I don't know if it would cause more harm than good. The muscle cramps are not good at all. 

My D levels were too high and they've taken me off all vitamins for now. Not sure what happened with that. It's happened twice over the years and I can't figure out why it happens. I suspect that it is another deficiency that is causing the issue. A med I take prevents absorption of D, but for it to jump up randomly is just not logical.

Anyway, we wait and see and recheck in a few months. I hope it remains at a normal level. If I don't have to take extra, that would be outstanding. 

Have a good week. Be kind. Call your mother. Or your dad. Or your aunts and uncles. Say nice things and mean it. 

I'm going to bed now. 

Charges or Changes

Yesterday as I was paying bills, I reviewed some medical bills I received and when I went online to pay it I saw something confusing. They'd billed me twice for the same visit but it wasn't on the bill I held in my hand.

My insurance sends me an Explanation of Benefits that shows what they were billed and how much they paid. It also tells me the amount of my portion and a lot of other things. I always keep these in a file on my desk so I can compare them to the bills I get from the medical providers to ensure I'm not overcharged. Yes, that has happened twice. I pulled out my EOBs and found two for the charges mentioned on the website. They did, in fact, bill me twice for one visit. I lay it aside until I could call them the next morning. That'd be today.

When I called and explained my concern, the woman was very nice and happily explained that a lot of people get confused about their billing. I agreed they had a system that was very hard to follow. I get bills for Deaconess services from three different billing offices. Here's the story.

First, the reason the bill I had didn't reflect the second charge was that I hadn't been billed yet. Good to know but I don't know why they hadn't billed me at the same time since they had already billed the insurance and were paid. But moving on.

So why was I billed a second time? Well, you see, one bill is where you saw the doctor. That was $123. The other bill is a facilities charge of $177."

......

"I see," I said. I didn't but I'd give her a chance.

"That's for the use of the facility," she said.

 "OK." Did she say to use the facility? I didn't go to the bathroom. "Well," I said. "Thank you for your help."

After I hung up, I pondered this conundrum. I paid to see the doctor in their office. I paid to see her and I paid to use the office so I could see her. There is something wrong with this but I'm at a loss as to where exactly it is.

I am paying to use the building to see the person they HIRED to see their patients. And I'm PAYING to see the person they hired to see their patients.

I can't figure it out. One thing I do know it that I'm ready for a change. I think it is time we went back to house calls. If they can charge me a facilities charge, I figure I could do the same.

Catching Up, Checking Out

I did not get into bed until after midnight.The family issues continued until then. I'm so tired today and depressed. I was afraid I couldn't sleep so I just prayed for God to give me a blanket of peace and let me rest. And while, I'm very tired, I'm not collapsing. Not yet, anyway.

As happens when you go to bed your mind often does things it shouldn't. I had to get up and write it all down because I knew I'd forget it by morning. I'm glad I did that. It is going to be a good post I think. I'm working on the title. It is about how we change the will of God. Can't go into it now because I'd get started and mess up my post.

Today we are having our insurance meeting and we're supposed to get stuff ready for shredding... he really expects us to move those boxes? I don't think so. Then we're to do any filing we have. The meeting is at 2 p.m. It will probably last until at least 3 p.m. It will take a bit to get the boxes marked. What filing does he think we can get done in the remaining time?

Today is very warm, in fact,  78 at the moment. I had lunch with my NaNo Writer's Asylum pal, Kathy. I think I complained more than she but it was really nice to see her again. Of course an hour isn't enough to really get much said. I hope I didn't commandeer the conversation too much. If you read this Kathy, you looked great and I did enjoy getting together.

I've got to get ready for the next local writer's meeting. My friend, Snowgoon (aka Doug) is going to talk to the group about the Character Arc worksheet. I shared it with them several weeks ago and several folks felt they needed something like that to help structure their story. I ask him about speaker's fees but he didn't give me a price. LOL, I'm trading on friendship. Maybe he'll take a lunch in exchange.

For some reason my head is swimmy. I move it and I feel slightly dizzy. I think it is the allergies but at this point, I'm taking all kinds of stuff and nothing is working.

Later that day......

Well, I managed to get through the day without getting fired. They announced who was leaving today. One of my coworkers took one of the jobs in another department. The second person is still waiting to see if they get the second job available. As of May 1 we're down to 4 case managers and will be handling between 425 -450 files. This is astronomical. This on top of all our own filing and answering the phones and other support duties. Not support staff. They talked like within a year another cut could happen. If that happens the department is gone. We can't process on this small a staff. My guess is that they know we're going down. I believe in a year, maybe two, it will be outsourced. Time to go.

I'm looking for a telecommute job, folks.


Blood work came back. I have to go see the doctor next Thursday for the full results. My doctor likes to explain all the blood work to you. She's really a super doctor. I apparently have Epstien Barr Virus. Mono. They told me I had a "flare up" of the virus. I said, "Flare up? I've never been sick like this before. And I've never had mono. How can I have a flare up?" Look it up. You can have it and never get sick. You can pass it and not know it. Once you have the virus you have it forever and it can "flare" and you are contagious without even getting sick. How is that fair? That's true germ warfare!

There is something else but she didn't talk about it on the phone. Something to do with my RA blood work. I wonder if it is that discrepancy she noted on the last test? One being positive while the other was negative.

I'm sitting on the patio with a breeze blowing beneath the red umbrella. It is 77 out here and the clouds are increasing. I hear a storm is coming.

I'm going to bed tonight, early. I'm not available for the rest of the evening. Sometimes you really need to just check out.

Do I Have Stupid Tattooed on My Forehead?

I ended a lousy week feeling fairly good. I came home to a house smelling like a slice of heaven, a clean slice. I was looking forward to a relaxing weekend where I didn't have to do anything but enjoy it.

I opened my mail to find that my homeowners insurance was cancelled. Mind you, I just bought it two or three months ago and changed companies so I could get earthquake insurance. Remember all that?

I'm so upset by this. I have 5 business days to find another company! They said my shed, my 20 yr old Walmart shed, was rusty and I had discarded or unstored items that posed a hazard on the property. You've all seen photos of this property. There is a rusty shed that needs painting. It doesn't leak and has nothing in it of value, I don't even lock it! I have three doors taken off the house and two windows leaning against the wall to be hauled away to Habitat as soon as I can get in touch with them. That is all that is here.

The agent came and sat on my front porch in broad daylight to sell this insurance to me. All these items were here. He never told me there was a problem or even might be. Apparently in addition to that, an inspector came when I was not here. I never got a call to discuss a problem, or arrange to meet me and go over it. My other insurance was canceled and replaced before this "problem" was even mentioned! I'm furious. This is very poor business practice. I've never had a problem getting any kind of insurance on this house. And before the remodel it looked horrible!

I called the agent and he knew nothing but he said, "Well they did have another guy who had a problem with a shed and they had to exclude it." ...................So, why didn't you mention this when you walked the property? I didn't ask it. I was fuming. He said he'd call them Monday and try and see what was happening and see if we could exclude the shed. I hate to tell him, but if I can even find someone to insure me they are history. I don't know how hard it will be since this is a company cancellation. I can't afford the state insurance. It will cost me the earth. I am so glad I did not buy their car insurance! They tried but I just didn't feel I should change it.

I also happen to know, having worked in insurance, there is a little agency that governs insurance and abuse by insurance companies. They will be my second call on Monday.

My sister had to go to the urgent care again last night. She was sick for the second time in two weeks. Her gall bladder has to come out. Guess what? Her deductible is $5000. Yes, you heard me. That is the result of the company raising the deductible to cut their cost of insurance. She's lost her house, has put her student loans on hold, and is spending all she can on credit card debt before she has to start paying rent in a month. All her savings are gone. I have no idea what to do but I suspect that she's going to have to come here. That horrible company treats her shabby and now she might as well be working for nothing. She doesn't make $8 an hour as it is.

I've had my vent. I have to get some things done before bed. I'm so angry and so worried. I don't know how I'll get insurance in a week. Becca is calling her agent tomorrow and if I can come up with something by Monday, Farmer's Insurance won't get an extra week of my money.