Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Unsurpassed Tuesday

I think I mentioned I had a head cold yesterday. I woke up this morning sick... really sick. I was seriously off balance and felt if I got up, I'd be dizzy. I was stuffy. My eyes felt like they'd been taken out and put back in backwards. My vision didn't want to work correctly... I don't know what that means. It means everything looked weird to me. My brain felt as if it was sitting in a jar somewhere and I was getting relays from that. 

Does that help any?

I sent a text to my boss that I was sick and wouldn't be in. I rolled over and went back to sleep. I woke at 9:30 and when I tried to get up it was horrible. My brain simply felt saturated from that stuff in the jar and I couldn't focus very well. Mobility was wonky, too, and I was a bit concerned I'd fall. I was dizzy. Had I been taking some kind of meds, I would have thought I was having a drug related reaction. I had not. I only used a nasal spray the day before, the 12 hr kind, and that only opened my sinus up so I could breath. 

My son needed to borrow the car and I had to drive over to his house, about 5 minutes away. It wasn't pleasant. He drove me back and I crash landed on the sofa and did not moved until around noon. The dizziness and visual chaos passed off after about half an hour and I was at least able to read while lying down. But I was still a bit dizzy when getting up for the usual things...bathroom, drink, food. 

I've been drinking a lot because I obviously in need it with a cold. Oddly enough, this could also be a fibro flare on top of the cold. The symptoms of fibromyalgia include all the above except sneezing and stuffy nose. At least, I haven't run across them. But the fog is well known as are the exhaustion, confusion, dizziness, balance problems, and a slew of other things. If it is a flare, it is probably the worst I've had yet and that concerns me. 

On the bright side, the cold has not required a second dose of medicine to allow me to breath. That may be a good sign. I'm upright, breathing, although still stuffed up. My ears are really blocked and my head still feels as if it is sitting in a jar but I can breath. We'll see.

What was I reading? City of Bones, by Michael Connelly. I've never read Mr. Connelly even though he's got a about a dozen books out there. This book was given to me along with two sacks of other books. I picked it up and read the first chapter and I was hooked. Mr Connelly writes well and the story moves quickly, short chapters help. I really like the main character, Harry Bosch and this particular story is really good. It is very good and I'm impressed. I'm half done and it is a large hardback. I will probably read more of his books now. I don't usually read cop books but I do tend to read a lot of books written by men. 

NaNo is three months away. I need to start planning something but under the current conditions, constructive thought is difficult. I have no ideas for any story but then, I usually don't so I won't really get bent until November 1st.

I'm going to stop now. I think I actually need to take a nap. I have to be better tomorrow as I have to go back to work. 

Monday, July 30, 2012

Weekend Wrap-Up

The weekend went well. We went to St. Louis and stayed at Pear Tree Inn on Market Street. This was a really nice hotel for the money and I'd stay there again. It was clean and the service was wonderful. The breakfast buffet was free and huge. Snacks at 5 p.m. were free with free drinks. The pool and hot tub was indoors. I could have sat by the pool all day and been fine. 

We had some interesting adventures searching for places to eat and it became our big joke of the day. On Friday, we were looking for a specific restaurant. The Tom-Tom gave us directions. We put it in. We arrived 30 minutes and miles later. Building was there, restaurant was gone. We picked another and we followed the directions. They were wrong. Becca and I are a bit annoyed but we decided we better call to make sure the restaurant was actually THERE before we headed out again. We did and after an hour wandering around we arrived and had lunch. We returned to the hotel to relax and spent the evening in the pool. Later that evening we ordered pizza.

We took Sarah to the Science Museum on Saturday morning and you should have seen her face when she saw the dinosaur exhibit. He moved and roared and was life-sized.   Obviously, she never dreamed exactly how big  he would be and when faced with it her mind sort of boggled. Her face was priceless. She was awestruck and a bit terrified.There were lots of things in the museum but they were a bit old for her. We went to the Planetarium and we all enjoyed that show. It lasted about an hour. We chose to lie on the floor on mats. Mike dozed off and started snoring. I had to wake him up. 

Our next adventure began. We searched for a place to eat and thinking that Burger King would certainly never disappear from the earth and that Hershey Pie sounded perfect, we headed out only to find that it too had moved and the building was now the Noodle House. We continued our search until we came upon an oasis. 

"There's a Steak and Shake, David." I said. "Pull in." And we did. After a ridiculously expensive meal of burgers and ice cream we headed home.

The drive went quickly and I was thrilled to be in my own house. Sunday was a bust as I was so exhausted and my mysterious allergy revealed itself to be a full blow head cold. I returned to work this morning and now I sit in my living room, about to head off to the nighttime adventure of sleep. 

I'm sick. I can't breath well. My head hurts. My throat hurts. I cough and my head hurts. I am so tired and I am achy. Every time I leave my house I catch some disease. I might give up vacations all together. 



Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Over the Hump....at the Bottom of the Hill?


Today is hump day, the day when the rest of the week goes down hill... I'm not sure why we would think that is a good thing...but we do. I'm just glad I have one more day to work this week.

I took Friday off. I am taking Sarah to St. Louis to the Science Museum and if it isn't too hot, the Zoo. If it is too hot we'll do something else. We will all stay in a hotel tomorrow night and spend Saturday exploring. I'll have Dave & Becca and Mike along, too. I know they'll all have a good time and maybe I'll stop being so bummed out after a day away from home.

I posted the "final" chapters of The End of Winter so the gals in the writing group could read it. If you are one who read this during my 2008 NaNo and want to see the end, let me know. You will know who you are and need only send me an email to my email address... which you will have if you know me.


I am still tired. This afternoon after work I came from home, got a shower, put on  babydoll PJs, and had a personal pizza for supper while watching t.v. It is now just after 10 and for the first time in weeks, I don't feel buried under a black cloud. I'm still tired and will go to bed soon and I'm still not very cheerful. I do feel a bit less stressed. I had my writer's meeting on Monday night and those girls keep me laughing for a couple of hours and I always feel better after that. I spent the rest of Monday night and Tuesday night reading.


I sat up late the last two nights reading the BEST book I've read in a long time. Really. The writing was so tight I found myself looking for things wrong with it! The story was really good and a lot of fun. Typical old fashioned mystery. P. B. Ryan's Still Life with Murder. I highly recommend it. It is the first in a series and I got it free from Amazon. It is considered an historical mystery because it is set in Boston just after the Civil War. The main character Nell Sweeney is intriguing and I'll be getting the other books in the series just to learn more about her. I simply could not put it down and the ending was a surprise, which almost never happens with me. Although, these days, I'm not very attentive to details so it is possible someone else might not be as surprised.

I'm reading the start of the second book because it was included in the download... I'm already hooked by this 18th century female detective.



I'm having less pain this week I think. Yes, I'm not sure. My knees are sore and as I said, I'm tired. I'm not supposed to sit up late. I must get enough sleep. But I've been so disinterested in reading for so long that when I find a book that hooks me I hate to stop.

What I really want is to be able to retire. I am thinking about getting a site set up for donations. Yes. You heard me. I said donations. I'll direct people to my depressing posts and give details on my situation and condition. Then, I'll have a Pay Pal account set up so people who truly understand and want to help me can put their money where their mouth is. Look, I've had over 14,000 hits on this site since I began it. Over half those came in since November 2010. Something tipped the scale. Not sure what. Maybe I made a name for myself on the forums. Where are they all coming from? Russia and the US are apparently at the top of the list, with Russia in first place.

~(:\)

What have I said that would appeal to 100 Russians? What could they be interested in? My wit? My charm? My good looks? My audacity?

And now, I shall post this blog. I started it on a break early today and finished it just now. It should bring everyone up to speed. Tomorrow.... who knows.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

A True Sarah Story

Today Sarah came and spent the afternoon with me. We went to Panera for me to have lunch. She didn't want to eat but wanted a chocolate chip cookie. They had a plate of cookie samples on the counter, each one on its on toothpick. I told her she could try one to see how it tasted. She chose one, twirled it, and then bit into it. She said, "OH, chocolate chip on a stick!"

The cashiers cracked up.

We picked up Michael later and he helped me get some yard work done. We finished about 8:30 and before taking them both home we decided to go eat supper. When the chicken place had no dark meat, Sarah said, "How about fish? I like fish." So we headed across town to Captain D's.

I ordered the double dozen shrimp dinner and while we were eating, Mike looked at me, frowning and said, "Mom, why are you eating that? You usually eat clams."

I said, "I do eat clams but I wanted shrimp."

Sarah suddenly looked at me, her face a mask of shock and horror. "YOU EAT CLOWNS?"

A Time Capsule and Paris' Human Zoo?

Stumbled across an interesting site that I just have to delve in much deeper. Here are two links.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

The Reason for Blessing

I ran across this photo and I remembered something that a very old woman once taught me. Her name was Kate Fletcher. She walked everywhere she went, despite the ill fitting prosthetic leg, sometime even turning down rides because of the difficulty getting out of vehicles. When I knew her she was in her 80's.

Sister Fletcher was a member of my church and seemed to appear in my life at a time when I needed a counselor. I was 18, newly married with no mother. She was a woman of great faith and wisdom and more than once I sought her counsel. She never failed. More than once I showed up at her home after midnight and she was actually at the door looking out. On one occasion she said, "The Lord told me someone was coming but not who."  Another time she said, "I was waiting for you."

When I found this clip I remembered a time when I was searching for something and I went to her home. She prayed for me and she told me, "God will not give anyone more blessings than they can handled." It was an unusual and surprising concept to me.

God's blessings are unreserved in depth and scope. We have only to be faithful and obedient to our calling. But they are not endless and they are not without limit.

Parent's reward their children based on how they behave. Yes, you do. Good behavior reaps good rewards. Bad behavior, if you are a good parent, reaps negative rewards. You wouldn't give a child a ice cream cone for slapping a parent or screaming at your guest. Well, maybe some people would but they end up with odious children.

As your child grows, the rewards become more advanced. Good grades may get better and better rewards. Allowances increase based on performance but bad performance, bad grades reduce the rewards. You bless them according to how they preform. You may do other things for them for no reason other than because you love them but there are blessing you give only because of what they do.

You may bless your teenager with an inexpensive car to do their running on but repeated traffic violation result in the loss of that blessing. They simply can't handle the responsibility of obeying traffic laws. You take the car and they take the bus. I've been here. The rule was your car, your fine. And they paid them. That is not a blessing. That is a penalty for not being responsible.

You may help your adult children with the down payment on a new home, if you have been blessed with the money to do that. They neglect to make the payments and they lose that home. They were not able to take on the responsibility of maintaining a home.

God blesses only according to what we are able to be responsible for maintaining. The concept she introduced me to that day has gotten me through some terrible times. The more I am responsible and the longer I am faithful, the greater the blessings become. There are times I've been overwhelmed at what I have been given for no apparent reason. I am not blessed because I'm smarter or better than anyone else. I am blessed because God has trusted me with some things that even I didn't think I could handle. I don't always think I deserve things He has given me but it isn't what I think that matters. It is what He thinks. And the knowledge that He thought I could handle something is in itself a blessing and and overwhelming concept. Some days I'm literally stunned by it.

I know people who seem to constantly be down on their luck. They can't get a break. Everything they do fails. All efforts to "get ahead" set them further and further behind. Nothing they set their hand to prospers. If you talked to them, they just don't understand.

In every case I've seen of people I know personally, I see the same thing over and over. Their walk with God had faltered in some fashion or ended. Their attitude, their behavior has become negative and in some cases, they are obviously not living as they know they should. They have gone farther and farther away from what they believed and become almost hostile. The blessings that once seemed to flow in are now flowing out. But all they see is the falling tide, and the absence of things. The don't see the cause.

Like a child they see everything that happens as unfair or someone else's fault. When a marriage gets in trouble, they need a new partner. Things would be better if I had a better spouse. When finances fail, it is the other spouse's spending that caused it. Or it is the other person's fault they lost the job. When children are unmanageable, it is the schools, friends, or other relatives fault. Like all children, we refuse to look in the mirror and see that we are the reason that we are blessed or not blessed. Instead we clench our fist, stomp our feet and scream, "IT IS NOT MY FAULT! I am a good person. I love God. I...... I..... I....."

My life is miserable. You heard me. I have pain so much that there are times I just want to die. Really. I don't say that much because the devil has a way of using our words to beat us up. In my mind, I know I don't want to die but I want the pain to stop. Some days I can hardly walk. My legs won't work, my feet hurt, my back is in agony. I have family that I can see are not being blessed and I am struggling with watching them fall farther and farther away and deeper and deeper into trouble. They don't even see what is happening. They can't see the chasm that is looming at their feet. I spend days praying for something to wake them up. I lost my husband and best friend and I have no one to talk to and no one to turn to when I'm in pain and suffering heartaches. I spend hours in my home and no one calls or comes by. Yes, I attend a church. And no, they don't.

So, how could I see any good in all that? What can make up for the losses? Ah. I see things that no one else sees that I know are blessings that I can't possibly have deserved. They wouldn't mean a thing to others but they are enormous reminders that I am not forgotten by God. Yes, sometimes it seems like it but I know I'm not. I'm not a bestselling author but I've been blessed with enough talent to bless others with my writing.  My husband was taken from me, and nothing can replace that, but because of his service and his faithfulness I have other benefits I wouldn't have had if he had not done some of the things he did over the years. He took care of his family, was faithful to us and God and provided for us even when he was dying. He told me once that he believe his disability was a blessing from God and he never asked God to heal him. That disability resulted in his death. What he suffered resulted in my blessing and in my ability to bless others. I've been blessed with a job that allows me to meet my needs and provides me with health insurance. I'm not wealthy, far from it. Yet, I've been blessed enough to bless my church and my children. The lack of local friends resulted in a circle of online friends who I talk to several times a week. They make me laugh, encourage me, share their lives with me, and some of them pray for me. Those who don't pray, I know they wish me well. You see, all the places in my life that hurt have had a blessing added to it.

I don't know why but for some reason, I've been trusted with these things, the good and the bad. My life is usually chaos and I'm stressed and wounded and heartbroken. But in the middle of chaos there is the eye of the storm that I strive live in. Sometimes the storm overtakes me. I'm overwhelmed by it but I have to keep moving in the right direction to find the eye again. I can't stop the storm. I can only stay in the eye.

Sister Fletcher was right. God won't bless anyone with any thing greater than they can handle. It isn't good for us. What does that mean?  Some blessings become our destruction. How many people have you seen on the news with millions of dollars and they commit suicide? They had everything but were not happy with the blessings. Why? Yes, I know mental illness is the explanation for everything. Its convenient. But it isn't always true. Sometime they get lost in the storm. How many divorced couples have you seen who were even more miserable afterward? How many people have you seen who left a good job for a better one only to find they hated it? How many people have you had to listen complain about all their troubles and you're wondering what's wrong with them because they have everything anyone could need? You know you have!

Like all children, we choose our blessings and we choose our curses. You won't necessarily see it that way. That's unfortunate. If once you could see the flow of blessings as something significant, it would change your whole outlook on events in your life. If you can just connect the dots you can see the whole picture. It isn't the blessing that is important. It is the reason for the blessing that is so important.

I'm blessed, not because I think I deserve it, because He thought so.

How much can God trust you?



Friday, July 13, 2012

70's Flashback

I loved this group back in the 70's!


A Lonely Boy

Ok, this is a keeper. Laughed so hard.



Flying Home

As a former world traveler, I found this extremely amusing.

A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii and my red suitcase to London."

The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, but we can't do that."

"Really? I am so relieved to hear you say that, because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"

Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Bad Place


I don't know why I elected to write a blog today. It isn't the best time to do it. I'm in a pretty bad place. You can gasp now and cover you mouth and hurry away to do something more important. I said. I'm. In. A. Bad. Place.

I know people that by now, I should be fine  and life is moving along as it should. I've no doubt it is moving along but for me, it is not moving as it should. I struggle with this monster, Grief, daily. Yes, every single day. And yes, after all this time!  Oh, you won't know it, not really. If you saw me face to face, you would think I'm my old self. I blog and vlog and talk with people daily at work, mostly people who don't really care what I think or feel.

I've learned a lot from death and about grief. Most of it I've tried to clarify in my blog. I know it isn't fun reading but I made a pact with myself in the beginning to tell people what this was like for someone living it. I decided that after I learned people do not really understand grief and the average person doesn't care about other's grief until they experience it for themselves on a level that shakes their foundation. You have to actually watch someone die to know how I feel? Pretty much. It's why people avoid the grief-stricken. They don't want to know or be reminded.

January 29, 2013 will be four years since Jerry died. I do not fall apart in front of people. I do not fall apart every four hours. I don't even fall apart every single day. I probably average every other day. It doesn't last as long as it did because like all exercise, the more weight the easier it gets to carry it. But you still carry it. One learns how to build a facade that no one can see beyond. There are some wounds you cry about and then there are wounds that hurt so bad you can't cry. When you can't cry, pain can actually get worse.

I've learned that you don't get over it. You don't stop hurting. You don't forget. You don't stop missing, longing, and hoping. It is a hopeless hope. You hope, knowing it won't, can't happen.

I've learned that you can hide huge amounts of sorrow from the world. You can hide numerous secrets from people simply by smiling and saying, "I'm fine." The average person will go no deeper than that. One could say, "Actually, I'm terrible." As I did at the start of this blog. The response would be, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." And that's it. The average person quickly moves on to find someone else with a happier outlook or some really good gossip.

I've stopped seeking most company. I spend virtually all of my days and nights alone. I see no one outside of work and no one calls. Yes, I could call people. I have a few I could call. Why? I don't have anything to say. There is nothing to tell anyone. There is nothing in my life that is worth relating to anyone. And no one wants to hear it. One out of town family member calls regularly. Mike calls to check on me a couple of times a day and before he goes to bed. He's afraid, I suspect, that something will happen to me and no one will find me in time. He knows about living this way better than I do. He lived it first. He has no one but me. And for me, after four years, nothing has changed. It hasn't become easier. I just have no choice. So, the walls go up, mortar and brick carefully laid.

I think about going places. I even start planning where I could go. There are lots of vacation ads at the moment, ads with lots of smiling people and laughter. People cooking out, camping, running on the beach, dinner with lots of smiling faces. I stay home because there is no point. It won't be like that for me. Ever.

I am very tired. A sure sign of depression and fibor flare. I sleep when I go to bed but I could also sleep hours a day if I had a chance. When I'm home and not sleeping I sit and stare at the walls, Jerry's photos, the furniture, Jerry's photos, watch whatever will keep me interested for more than 30 minutes so I'm not thinking and not staring at Jerry's photos. No I won't put them away. This is where he lives. This is his home.

I do the housework myself now and maybe that's a good thing. It gets me moving for short bursts. And then, I have to sit down. I stare at the walls again. I read in short bursts. I've read over 20 books since I bought my Kindle at the first of the year, some good, some crappy. I may dabble at writing. I go to bed. I don't remember going to bed, usually. As soon as I lie down I am asleep.

So, in the grand scheme of things, life is uninteresting and empty.  I am empty. Yes, I've tried filling it. But the hole in the vessel is too large.


Citation: Health Benefits of Crying

Monday, July 9, 2012

What Is An American?

Found a really wonderful speech when searching for something else. I have to put the link here because it is just wonderful. I wish I'd found it before the 4th of July.

What Is An American

VJ Day, Aug. 14, 1945

What a great memorial to the men and women of this era who bravely served America. Thank you for your dedication and desire to serve and protect our country and for the sacrifices you made to defend us. You serve as an inspiration to all those who desire freedom.





VJ Day, Honolulu Hawaii, August 14, 1945 from Richard Sullivan on Vimeo.

The Death of a Nation?

This nation survives, and has for over 200 years, on a document that was so forward thinking that is still survives. I don't care what party he is with, the Constitution has worked, very well for a long time, long before the current administration. However, our current president has tried to choke the very life from it by various questionable means. He has tried over and over to bypass or limit and even alter the document that gives this nation life. Do I think he will succeed? Yes. 

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/07/03/obama-has-now-broken-free-constitution/?cmpid=googextension

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Obama's Gun Controll Plans - July 27, 2012

An Enlightening Evening

Just spent nearly three hours working on The End of Winter! Go figure. Started from the beginning and started reading and correcting. I've decided I actually hate most of my stories. They just suck all around. But its ok. Life's too short to bother worrying about it. 

I'm just shy of halfway with the first read through. I've been cutting, correcting POV since I seemed to have flip-flopped all the way. LOL. Most of it is utterly boring but there is a little story in there. This is one of two NaNo's which have a full arc. I know beginning, middle, and end. So, I'll do the read through, patch up the holes, fill in the gaps, and let go of it. 

I've felt so bad that I'm pretty much resigned to being done with it all. It currently isn't a decision I'm feeling regret over. And that is somehow amusing.

Birds of a Feather


You may think that who your friends are not important. You may even say that you'd never behave the way some of them do. This isn't true. My Mama used to say you are known by the company you keep and I've always found it accurate. 


If you pay close attention to who you hang around and how you act you will begin to notice the way in which you emulate them. Your speech, your mannerism, and even your opinions begin to sync with those in whose company you spend the most time. You may have already had people comment on your being "just like" someone else. It actually will take a conscious choice to not do it but the longer you are around someone, the more it becomes ingrained.


Several years ago I realized I had picked up a couple of habits I found annoying from some people I worked. Well, I was them 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. It was a close working environment. They weren't earth-shaking habits but they were things I didn't like to see in myself. I noticed that my whole attitude was being affected and when I was with certain people, I actually felt worse afterward even though we got along well. I had to start monitoring my own behavior to try and break the bad habits I picked up. Even I was surprised by how much I was being affected.


Choose friends wisely because you will become them. At the least, be the best person you can be so those you meet will become more like you.

Dead and Dying

We got a little rain at the end of the week but nothing since. It is about 5 degrees cooler but that isn't enough to even notice when it is this hot. Walking across a parking log is miserable and even a room at 80 is cool once you get inside.

How bad is it? It doesn't get much worse. Crops are dying. People are dying. And if storms follow this heat wave, they will probably be horrific, probably spawning tornadoes as the cooler fronts slide in. More people will die. At the moment, it is 92 here, the coolest it has been in weeks at noon.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Ponderings and Perturbances

I've been a bit frustrated, as my title would indicate. At least, I think it does. I haven't been writing blogs for a while now. Not because I don't actually want to but I simply haven't felt that anything I was thinking or feeling or doing was noteworthy. It is a difficult place to be for someone who wants to write. I've done a bit of writing on a couple of stories but it amounts to almost nothing. 

The truth is that I've been completely exhausted for weeks now. I have slept just fine, well, at least, as well as I ever do. In fact, some nights I slept so hard that it was hard to get up. I felt like I'd just been several rounds with Morpheus and he was winning. 

Pain is really the only thing that gets me out of bed. Anyone know the Greek name for pain? Oh, here it is -  Algea was a spirit of pain! One of several daimones (demons) who wreak havoc on the world. I'd love to loll around for an extra hour in that lovely midway land between sleep and waking that seems to ease you into a day. I can't. I am awakened by gouging, wrenching pain either in my lower back, my hip, or my neck. End results is exhaustion piles up.

I've made efforts to keep the house clean. I no longer have Sue to clean for me. She got a full time job, two weeks ago. She needed one as my little housekeeping gig wasn't enough. However, all I can do is a little every night. I've been doing laundry every few nights. With the water conservation, they want only full loads but I'm not waiting a week to do laundry and spend hours putting it away. My machine is one of those water efficient ones so I'm already using less than the average and my bill has gone up steadily as they increase cost. So, I've saved nothing by it.

I am working on putting another story in Scrivener. I've managed to get three in there and now the fourth is nearly done. I'm hoping this will make it easier when I flit from one to the other. I've been reading my old nano's as I put them in. I have a couple that are actually really good. As a few friends mentioned, now I need to write the endings. I have two where I actually know the full ending and have that in notes. So, I'm thinking Simon and his aimless wanderings will have to go on a back burner for now, even though he is the most fun.

I came home from work and did nothing important. I tried some exercises. I've got to find something I can do. I'm gaining weight and that is not good. I found a single push up is impossible. I have no strength in my upper arms and my wrist simply can't handled it weight in that position. My shoulder, the bad one, isn't good with it either. The arthritis is too painful when I try. So, I've got to get something to build strength in my arms that won't hurt my joints. I think I'm going to have to find a gym and do weight training. I'm concerned because my blood sugar is only going to get worse with more weight. I'm going to try and stay off the carbs again and I'm going to cut down on how much I eat. I found a Chrome app called Lose It! that helps track what you eat, calculate the amount of calories you need, and how much you burn in exercise and consume in food. So, its a start. I knew my strength and muscle loss was very bad. It was distressing to realize how bad. I used to do aerobics three times a week and I was able to move all kinds of things. At 40 I could stand on my head! Now, I even have balance issues. That is a just one of the physical symptoms of fibro. It may be that I have to take off pounds before I can actually do much of anything. I know I won't be 40 again but I know people almost twice my age who have far more  strength and energy. 

I'm off now. I think I'm going to bed early. I've got a couple of places I need to go tomorrow and I don't want to be tired when I get up. Stay cool. We got some rain here today for about 20 minutes. {sigh} Not nearly enough. The farmers are going to be bankrupt.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

A New Puzzle

Cooking Down The Greens

Happy Birthday, America




Oh Beautiful

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassion'd stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness

America! America!
God mend thine ev'ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law.
O beautiful for heroes prov'd
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country lov'd,
And mercy more than life.

America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev'ry gain divine.
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears.

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea.

A Walk At My House Part 2

A Walk At My House


Sunday, July 1, 2012

WRoE - July 1, 2012

Wrote a chapter in Hidden in the Mist and began a second one. I did do some notes on Dream Stealer and even considered a new opening that would shift the dynamic a bit and clarify the inciting incident. I was actually a bit excited about that. Someone once suggested something along those lines. Proving once again that we don't actually forget anything, we just let it stew a bit before trying it. I think writing something else actually helped me a bit. Maybe loosened up the cogs or something. 

At any rate, small amount of writing but not according to my own rules. Will the person who said "rules were made to be broken" please email me. I need some more insights.


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