Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
The shock in his voice would have been offensive if it hadn't been amusing. "In the flesh."
"What in hell do you want?" The line crackled from the force of his voice.
"Actually, I'm not in hell.."
"Sorry to hear that. Where are you?"
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I didn't have a great day yesterday. I guess if you read the blog you could tell. I tend to let things people say gnaw at me. A friend sort of pulled me up by my boot straps and I think I'm less depressed about it. At least my outlook isn't so dark.
My neck and shoulder, however, are miserable. I don't know what to do about it. I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm tired because it wakes me up. I know that the tired can become a problem. I took an ice pack to bed last night. Yes, under the electric blanket. Helped for a bit. I've not been online as much this week because sitting at the computer is a problem. I've mostly just laid around and watched t.v. and tried to read. Even reading is a bit of a problem. Putting any strain on this neck just keeps it going.
I'm really annoyed in some ways. This isn't intended to be gross but if you have a problem with it, just skip to the next paragraph or post. I probably need a breast reduction. They mentioned it before when I had that cervical block to my neck and on the follow-up. I'm blessed, endowed, burdened whatever you want to call it but carrying this around is not good. If they took me back to what I was when I came here, 20 yrs ago, I'd lose at least 10 lbs and a dress size! The benefit would be less stress on my neck and shoulders. Don't know how Dolly does it. She's petite and has small feet. I'm 5'5" and as a teenager what they always termed "big boned". I figured out when I became an adult that is what they called females who were "early bloomers". What stupid things we use to describe people! So my sand was where it was supposed to be. I think the drain is plugged at my waist and the sand at the top won't shift.. maybe a good thing in some respects. Not in others.
I'm glad most of my readers are women.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
things. I can't see stars tonight even if I could step outside and
look up. They're hidden behind clouds. Actually, that's the story of
Chris told me today she thought I felt better when I was with I was
with people. I think she made the assessment after reading various
posts on the blog. It is true.I don't have to think when I'm occupied
with chatter and noise and busyness. I get tired easily from it all
end up nearly collapsed by bedtime but still, I am somewhere else for
a bit. I step out of my world into one that is nearly normal. I
forget, forcibly at times, what's waiting. But I always have to come
You don't have to read any further. It is the same story. At the
moment, I'm wrestling with another headache, neck ache, and truly
dismal outlook. What really frustrates me is that I don't really have
a solution. They told me I wouldn't. That it wouldn't stop hitting me
for years. Yes, years.
I found some relief in October and November. But truthfully, I don't
want to live in a fictional world. I never was one of those soap fans.
You know, they talk about the characters as if they just went to the
bathroom with them and chatted back and forth in the stalls. Not me. I
could never get into that. It's worse now. Watching t.v. doesn't work
for me. The images can be down right painful. Ever watch someone do
CPR on a medical show. I have to leave the room. Ever watch weddings,
funerals, and love scenes? I have to leave the room. Ever see
reunions and leave takings? Yeah, I have to leave the room. Movies,
oh my goodness! I remember shortly after Jerry died, I watch The
Saint, one of my favorite movies. I simply went to bed and cried for
hours at the end of it. How stupid is that? I never cry at movies,
ever... I didn't used to. Another reason I won't go to movies alone.
At least with someone you are to concerned about making a fool of
Reading is almost as bad. The imagery is not as physical. It's more in
my head and easier to escape. Still, I've had several books I've
simply put down and not gone back to pick up in two years. I could
read a dozen books a month once.
I should just go to bed and try to sleep. I don't think about the real
world. The sleep, perchance to dream... Hamlet had his own nightmares.
To die, to sleep—
No more—and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep—
To sleep—perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub!
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
You know, I never understood Hamlet's speech before! I've read the
complete works of Shakespeare and I've read and seen this play. I
never understood it! I did tonight. There's something to be said for
I'm going to stop. There are no stars to wish on and if I could, it
would be wasted.
Monday, December 12, 2011
No so with Blogger, which is just a mirror of my Multiply blog. I had Blogger long before I had either Yahoo 360 or Multiply. And I still like it. Some time ago Blogger added a stats feature. It's really good but it only tells you that x number of people visited your blog for a given time span: day, week, month and year.
This year, I put my blogger address on my NaNo profile and in the first month I had 1000 hits! I was stunned. People were actually coming by? Yep. I'm still getting a lot of hits and always one or two from my profile page. It's interesting and I am left wondering. Who are they?
I know I've gained a couple of new friends from NaNo who have actually told me they read my blog. But 1000? And since the 12th of November there have been over 920 hits. I went from 4500 over years to 7500 in two months. That just blows my mind. I'm not that interesting.
Then, I think, maybe they just go look at the home page and move on. But that blogger stat page... it tells me what pages they visit. Yeah! I can see what post got how many visits.
Then I get to wondering what people think. On Multiply, contacts leave comments and that's nice. People don't tend to do that on Blogger. Some do, but not most. I'm not writing a political rant usually so those who would comment won't. I'm generally not posting some controversial religious rant. I usually am pretty rude about saying "Take it or leave it. I'm not interested in debating." So, that cuts another group. And I don't do book reviews, helpful hints, or recipes. So, another whole sector gone. So, I figure I pretty much remove any opportunity for people to comment.
It's o.k. But I'm so curious about the numbers. Of course it could just be trolling bots clicking the numbers over. Somehow it seems more obscene to think you've had a bot skulking about staring in your windows rather than a real person. Yes. I mean, what do they want with what they learn? Who are they reporting to? Should I be concerned? Are these things plotting to strike at bloggers in some nefarious fashion? Do they take your site down? Do they turn your posts to gibberish? Will they send evil minions to your home to invade your electrical system? Will they take out your internet? Fry your modem? Infiltrate your wi-fi printer and use all you ink?
I'm just curious. And I'm really, really bored.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
A couple of the girls I work with and I were talking about some things at work and I ended up telling them how I met Jerry. Don't know if I ever told that here. But here's the tale.
November 27, 1973 the town of Andalusia, Alabama held its annual Christmas Parade. I was 17. It is a small town and your typical All American but Southern town cheering for the Crimson Tide during football season and their own Bulldogs and celebrating the 4th of July with hot dogs and watermelon. The parade would not be long.
It had rained all day and I did not want to go to the parade. It wasn't my thing. But my brother, Billy wanted to go. Since there was no one else to take him, Mama asked me to do it. I moaned a bit but she said please and I'd do just about anything to please Mama. So I took him.
We found a parking place and then staked out a spot on the town square right at the street side. I had quit school in the spring and was taking correspondence classes at home. One of my school friends saw me and ran over and asked me to come to the courthouse steps. When I attended school I sang in the chorus and they were going to sing on the steps that night. Nearly a dozen of them were friends and were standing in a circle waiting for it to start. My friend told me everyone wanted to see me. So I went. Jerry's sister, Sandra was there. She was a year ahead of me but we had been friendly. I said hello to each one and Sandra turned and said, "Oh, Cindy, this is my brother, Jerry."
I said, "Hi, nice to meet you." And went back to talking to my friends.
When I was done, I started back across the street and Jerry stepped up and said, "Can I walk with you?"
I said, "It's a free street. You can walk where you want."
He tagged along and when we got to the place where we were watching the parade he said, "You mind if I watch with you?"
I said, "No, you can stay if you like."
I don't remember if we talked. I'm sure we must have a bit but I simply don't remember. He would have if I could ask him. When the parade was over, Bill and I started back to the car. I don't even remember Bill being there but he was the only reason I was there, so I know he was. Jerry followed and said, "I'd like to come and see you some time if that's all right."
I shrugged and said, "I'm not doing anything Friday night."
He said, "I'm going to Montgomery Friday to a ball game but would Saturday night be all right?"
"I'm babysitting Saturday night but if you want to come over and sit around with me you can."
He agreed. And he did come by and stayed until ten o'clock. After that we saw each other every weekend . . . until January 11, 1974 when I married him.
After the wedding, Sandra said, "After he came home from the parade that night I ask him what he thought about you."
I asked her, "What did he say?"
"He said, "I just met the girl I'm going to marry."