Thursday, March 30, 2006

When's the Prayer Meeting?

I was reading my Bible Sunday morning and ran across a verse that I don’t recall ever reading or hearing preached. The verse is interesting to me because as I read it, I was led to some other interesting verses that set me to thinking about prayer.

Many people often ask when to pray and how often or if they should pray at all. One would think that, if there was a specific scripture in the Bible that comes close to an answer, then everyone, every Christian, would be plastering it on the wall in a fancy plaque, embroidering it onto pillows, cross-stitching it on fabric, wearing it on a shirt, or writing about it in a book. And yet, I don’t know of one book out there that answers the question, “When should I pray?”

Yet, there it is in Exodus, summed up in two verses. The minimum daily requirement is twice a day.

Exodus 30:7&8
7. And Aaron shall burn thereon sweet incense every morning: when he dresseth the lamps, he shall burn incense upon it.

8. And when Aaron lighteth the lamps at even, he shall burn incense upon it, a perpetual incense before the Lord throughout your generations.

As far as I can recall, Jesus never told his disciples how often to pray. He gave them a formula in the Lord’s Prayer on how to pray but he didn’t say a thing about how many times a day we are to pray according to that formula. Could it be that Jesus, knowing this scripture was there, expected everyone to know how often they were to pray?

I decided to do a search of the word “incense” in the Bible in an attempt to better understand how it was being used. I found that incense, in scripture at least, seems to represent prayer and there are many Old Testament scriptures that mention incense, hundreds, in fact. I recount only a few here that I felt were important and support my theory.

Leviticus 16: 13 describes praying for mercy.
“And he shall put the incense upon the fire before the Lord, that the cloud of the incense may cover the mercy seat that is upon the testimony, that he die not: . . .”

Exodus 30:27 mentions an altar of incense. That would be an altar of prayer. In Numbers 7, the formula for the dedication of the altar is described and one of the things mentioned is an offering. “One golden spoon of ten shekels, full of incense...” This is an financial offering given with prayer.

Next in Numbers 16, God was about to destroy the people because they were mad with Moses and talking about him. The day before God had destroyed Korah and his family for the same offense. The Hebrews were scared to death then, but the next day they were complaining about it. God had just about had enough of this whining bunch of wimps who couldn’t follow directions without someone drawing a picture. Here is what He tells Moses and Moses acts quickly to save the people.

Numbers 16: 45-47 45.
45. Get you up from among this congregation, that I may consume them as in a moment. And they fell upon their faces.

46. And Moses said unto Aaron, Take a censer, and put fire therein from off the altar, and put on incense, and go quickly unto the congregation, and make an atonement for them: for there is wrath gone out from the Lord; the plague is begun.

47. And Aaron took as Moses commanded, and ran into the midst of the congregation; and, behold, the plague was begun among the people: and he put on incense, and made an atonement for the people.

When I read this, I felt the sense of urgency that Moses must have felt. He’d had several conversations with God. He had seen people struck down and swallowed up. He knew what that one statement from God would mean for Israel. He and Aaron acted quickly and interceded on behalf of the people with fiery prayers, not just in the temple, but by running among the people with burning incense. Total destruction of Israel was averted.

In 2 Kings 22 Josiah is king and the priest comes to him when he finds the book of the law in the house of the Lord. The book is brought to Josiah and read to him. Upon hearing it, he is so upset he tears his clothes, a sign of grief. The book revealed to Josiah that the nation had not been keeping the law. He sent his priest to talk to a woman who lives in the college. Whoa, dude! An educated woman preacher! Who said it was a male dominated society?

Here is what she said to them in 2 Kings 22:15-17

15. And she said unto them, Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Tell the man that sent you to me,

16. Thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will bring evil upon this place, and upon the inhabitants thereof, even all the words of the book which the king of Judah hath read:

17. Because they have forsaken me, and have burned incense unto other gods, that they might provoke me to anger with all the works of their hands; therefore my wrath shall be kindled against this place, and shall not be quenched.

(Note of interest: she doesn’t even call the King by his title or name until she is repeating what the Lord has told her. She refers to him as “the man” -- an educated woman, unimpressed with titles.)

Josiah sets about to destroy every place where incense has been offered to other gods! He purges the nation of false priest, religions, and gods.

Psalms 141:2 also emphasizes that incense represents prayer in scripture.

Psalms 141:2
2. Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.

Prayer is important and in scripture it is compared to incense drifting up to God. The lifting of the hands is a sign of surrender. So this verse could be said to signify surrendering to God and petitioning or worshiping him. When should you do this?

Exodus 30:7&8
7. And Aaron shall burn thereon sweet incense every morning: when he dresseth the lamps, he shall burn incense upon it.

8. And when Aaron lighteth the lamps at even, he shall burn incense upon it, a perpetual incense before the Lord throughout your generations.

How you pray is important. What you pray is important. Who you pray to is important. And yes, when you pray is very important. And if you want to pray more than twice a day, it sure can't hurt you.

  • Footnote: One of the few places in the Bible where one is told “when” to pray is in 1st Thessalonians 5:17 -- Paul said to “Pray without ceasing.” Seen in light of the Old Testament events surrounding the use of incense, one can understand the importance of his instructions. For a perspective on Paul’s verse, visit and visit the story page to read “Time, A Place to Pray”

Ignoring with Bliss

She sat at her computer and pondered the expanse of white that waited for some gem to appear in black letters. Nothing happened.

It wasn't unusual. It happened frequently of late. This staring at the screen, wondering how to grasp a thought, clutch a feeling, or wrestle an idea and splash it across the virtual page. Right now she just sat, her mind as blank as the page in front of her, one feeding off the other.

The phone wasn't ringing, no one was at the door, and no one tapped at her shoulder for attention. There was pending catastrophy in her inbox, frustration awaiting in the file drawer, and messages in her voice mail. It could all just wait. She would ignore it all. She would sit and write something profound if it took her all day!

Someone knocked at her office door. "Yes?"

"Yada, yadayadayada yadayadayadayada, yada. Yada, yadayada, yada?"

"I will be right up. Have them take a seat."

Break is over. Well, at least the page is no longer blank.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Trend Setting by the Numbers

Ok, there has to be a trend here. Let's review.

  1. Jerry has back surgery Dec 1
  2. Dave & Becca have to move back in around the middle of December.
  3. Dave & Becca can't make their car payments and I take the car over.
  4. Jerry falls and breaks his hand.
  5. The car broke down and had to be repaired.
  6. The breaks on my other car need fixing.
  7. The phone company says I have to pay Dave & Becca's phone bill since we had it under our account.
  8. The washer breaks down at last. We knew it was going to happen since oil as been pour from beneath it for 6 months or more.
  9. Our medical expenses are averaging $250 a month, nearly one week's pay for me.
  10. Jerry still can't work.
  11. David's hours were cut.
  12. Becca still can 't work.
  13. My mother is in the hospital with kidney failure.
What do you suppose will happen on the 1st of April?

Monday, March 27, 2006

Monday Memories

Do you know that Monday repeats? It does! It is here again. I could swear that it was Monday... just last week.

I moved furniture on Saturday in my living room and cleaned it top to bottom. I also cleaned mopped the floors in the living room and both bathroom. The whole house smelled better. Every time I walked in lately the house smelled bad and I could not find what was causing it.

So Sunday I was in terrible pain. RA is bad enough but when you move furniture... well, let me just say that I had a hard time finding a place that didn't hurt! I sat in a chair all day at the computer because that mean I didn't have to move anything but my arms.

Today, I am back at work and mostly my legs hurt. So maybe by tomorrow, everything will clear up. I am not counting on it but hey, I might get lucky!

I am so homesick lately. My brother, Bill, came through last week and spent the night. He drives a truck and was in town making a delivery. It was nice to see him. We visited and it was nice just being with him. I miss him a lot and he comes for a visit once in a blue moon. In the 18 years I have lived here he as been in my house two times.

It made me just want to see home again. There is no one else to see really so I don't know why I feel that way. Jerry and I are talking about a trip to Andalusia to see his brother and sister and maybe we can run over to Mobile to see my aunts and grandmother. My mother is in Florida and I could run by there on the way home. But this would mean about 5 days travel and that is no fun for me. Actually, I'd just like to site-see in a couple of places!

I never see any of my family unless I go to them. Except for my Aunt and Uncle, they come visit once a year and it is so nice. Right now they are visiting Austraila. I try and get to their place every year or two. We tell each other we are the only family we have. It is a joke, of course, but seems very real.

I used to have a big family. I was the oldest of seven children but they lived with our mother but Bill and I lived with our grandparents (Mama & Daddy). The others are only half brothers and sisters never really cared as much for me as I did for them. Maybe because they had each other. Anyway, the emotional attachment was greater for me than them. However, I discovered that when people stay away long enough, you stop missing them. You feel sad for what was lost but that is about it.

All the adults my life was centered around are dead now. The only person I have never stopped missing is Mama. I think about her every day. Somedays I miss Daddy, too.

And we aren't going there today because I have to work! The 15 minute break is over.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Junkyard Living in the State of Depression

Yes! Yes! Yes! Another Friday is here. I survived another week! Can't believe it. And I am much better tonight. Bit ticked off but much better. Do ya'll think I stay that way?

I do feel better but I had a bit of help. Prayed first and then was remined by a voice at my shoulder that I have several nutritional supplements that I have not been taking in ah... well.... awhile. Alpha lipoic acid, B complex, Ginko Biloba, Gensing, Milk Thistle... all good for insulin metabolism. But one is St. John's Wort.

Goodness, yes, I get depressed. You couldn't tell? People with my disorder are already chemically unbalanced. That's CHEMICALLY unbalanced, I said! They can suffer from depression brought on by imbalances in their insulin. Basic chem.

Years ago, oh about nine, I became so severely depressed that I was suicidal. Talked to God; talked to my doctor. God was the only one who listened. He told me I had a great mind and could figure this out. I agreed with Him. So, I went to the library and checked out a dozen medical books on women's health issues. I started researching for causes of depression. Did you know that lots of things can cause depression and it is not all demonic? Really! Diet, lack of sleep, stress, and many health conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure, hormone imbalances, menopause . . . well, you can see the list is long.

So, once I found potential causes in myself, I began self-medicating with nutritional supplements based on my extensive research. Bad diet can cause depression but I had medical problems on top of financial stress (we were both unemployed for almost two years), on top of family crisises. I was a mess but with much prayer, proper nutrition and more prayer, in six months I was a new woman. I took St. John's Wort for three years beginning with one pill, 3x a day and by the third year was down to one pill, once a day.

Then one day, I went off them all together. Never had another episode, except when I am very stressed and short of sleep, both of which make each other worse. But in the last two years now I have taken SJW once and then only for about three days.

But about Wednesday, the big guy standing at my shoulder said I should take the things I knew were good for me and would help me feel much better in a couple of days. This week I have taken it again. In two days I am feeling much better and have slept better. And the lights are back on, dim, but on.

I am sure there are those out there who will have their own idea of depression but save it. I don't care. I know what worked. And tonight, I am living proof that once again listenting to that quiet voice at my shoulder is always a good thing.

WARNING: Herbal supplements can have severe side effects and may interact with some medications. NEVER take an herbal supplement until you discuss it with your doctor and with a pharmacist. I suggest you obtain a good book that will give you thorough information on supplements and herbal medicines. I did not discuss taking herbals with a doctor because the doctor was not listening when I talked about my depression. My repeated statements that something was wrong were ignored and I got sicker.

Not until I changed doctors did I find one who was very open to natrual medicines and worked with me. I was "well" by the time he saw me and his comment was, "Whatever you are doing is working so I don't want to mess with it." So, do your research and if your doctor will not discuss it with you, find another doctor. Expensive prescriptions with dangerous side effects are not always necessary.

You MUST not take St John's Wort with any other anti-depressant medication! Seek medical help if you are severely depressed. My way is NOT the best way. I had no choice. I had to find help where I could or die. As for prayer, it will help you get better and/or help you find the strength you need to seek help. It certainly won't hurt you... unless you have bad knees. But a pillow works wonders for that.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Bloggy Mountain Breakdown

The two post prior to this one were actually done Thursday night and then Friday around noon, respectively. I tried to post them both when I did them but the system kept telling me there was an error. It was nerve wracking, let me tell you. I am still new at this blog stuff and I have no idea of the havoc that can result from one misspent message. Is that how you spell misspent?

I kept getting a message that said an engineer was contacted and would check the problem. Never one to trust engineers, (everything ends up on a diagram that even other engineers can't read) I had my doubts. But I guess he did because now it is working and I actually did three post!

I am tired and I am going to bed. No late night carousing on the web tonight.

The Long Road Home

It's Friday. Is there any day more lovely than Friday? Friday, 5:00 p.m. is the loveliest time of the week. When I reach that place, there will be dancing and music. I will hear choirs singing.

Friday, 5:00 p.m., the end of the weekly journey to Hell and Back!

I am hours from there.

I hate long drives.

Searching for the Oasis

The struggle to survive seems so very exhausting at times. You look for places to lie in the shade and sleep for just a few minutes so you can continue the journey but the desert surrounds you and there is no water in this land.

You look for a different road to turn and there is no road at all. The desert wind blows sand in your face, and scours you mind and heart. You can't build here because when you try and lay the foundation for a shelter, the winds shift the sand and your walls come down. You are raw and broken, and so very tired.

So you continue to trudge through the drifts. Hoping, hoping so hard for a place to rest, for a green oasis where cool grass will refresh your eyes and cool water soothe your parched throat, and you can lie back and close your eyes in the shade for just a moment. Just until strength returns and your heart quiets. A place where all the world is quiet for just a moment and you can forget.

I only know of one thing to do but I still feel so defeated that even prayer seems a failure. Did you ever reach a place where you looked up to the face of God and said, "Let me rest. Let me just put my head here in your lap, for a little while, and rest. Give me peace so that my soul can rest. I am so weary and I just want to rest."

I have.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Some Days Life Is A Challenge

I am on my lunch hour. Eating in the office. I hate doing that but the lunch was free and since they say there are no free lunches I thought I should take advantage of an apparent one.

I usually have to get out of the building because I need a break from the stress. Today, I am doing that by blogging. Have you seen how many I have done in three days. That is what stress will do to you! I said in a very early post that this was my opportunity to rant. I think I have proven it.

Did you ever get so sleepy that you could literally slide off your chair into a puddle? I feel that way now, after eating. That is not a good thing. I have metabolic disorder called insulin resistance. Not diabetes ... yet. It is a precursor. I think it is getting worse but can't be sure. I take a medicine called metformin that aids in insulin utilization. I could tell the difference immedialy after I started taking it. But now, some days, I don't know.

Diet is a major factor in diabetes. I try not to eat a lot of sweets, but I do eat some. Sadly, despite what the "experts" would have you believe, it is NOT cheaper to buy foods that are good for you than it is to buy food that are bad for you. You go try and buy ground beef. The leaner the meat the higher the price. And go try and buy a sugar free desert item. Higher than the one with sugar. Try buying fresh fruit and vegetables. Way more than canned and the cheapest canned is nasty! We all know that the nutritional value of canned is very poor when compared to fresh. So, if you have a metabolic disorder they would rather you be on medicine... which cost more than food!

My biggest problem is not enough physical exercise. I need to move! But there are too many things I want to do, too many thoughts I want to think, too many books I want to read! I don't have time to exercise. And then there is sleep. I just never get enough, ergo, I am sleepy at noon!

So, today I am trying to stay awake, think positive, and get a lot of stuff done. Some days life is a challenge, isn't it?

Fitting End to an Unfit Day

It's over. Today, or rather yesterday now, is over. What a day. But in some respects it was good for me.

My little run in with my little co-worker was good. I was so distressed when that happened that I closed my office door and just prayed about it. I wanted to brain the brainless. But I prayed. And moments later I got an email from a wonderful lady that gave me some comfort even though she had no idea of what was happening.

I email her back and told her that her message had helped me and I explained, much briefer than I explained below, what had happened. I asked her to keep me in her prayers. I went back to work.

In the mean time, later that afternoon, another co-worker came and told me that she had asked the thoughtless one "what was that all about". Co-worker #1 told co-worker #2 that she had made a mistake. She had failed to read an email that would have explained what was going on. Of course she could have asked but she didn't. DUH! Did she come to me and say she was sorry for her behavior? No. I guess that would make her look bad.

Will she apologize? She might. This is not the first time she has done something like this. This is the third such incident with her in the last six months. She did apologize once before. Even if she doesn't forgiveness is required but I doubt I will ever see her the same way again. How foolish people are and how careless of the things that should be valued. Until recently, I had considered this coworker a friend. Today proved how much she thought of me.

Ten minutes after this happened I checked my email and I had a reply from my email friend. She told me she had prayed for me immediately. She had even written her prayer in the email and sent it to me. And the issue, for me anyway, was already resolved before I knew she had prayed over it.

Needless to say, but I will, I sent her a quick reply to say that God is good! And confirmation of His control is wonderful when you are stressed. I needed that confirmation to lift up a very beaten spirit.

God IS good.... all the time.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Is the World Filled Idiots?

I am trying not to allow nasty people to control my life but some days it is difficult. I had a co-worker come into my office while I was doing some work. She began to berate me because she did not like the way I was doing it. Her reason was that "you're trying to make the rest of us look bad". How stupid is that? Standing in the hall ranting because I was working.

If you have enough time on your hands that you can walk to my office and scream through the doorway about how my working is making everyone else look bad.... How difficult it is? I am last on a long hallway... everyone but the director is at least two offices, an exit hall, and stairwell away from me. When 5 people on this hall are gone, now one can hear me if I am in trouble.

Here's the deal. We have to send out approximately 200 packets a month. We generally do this in the kitchen as a group either in the a.m. or after lunch. No time is ever set we just meet and do it. We also share phone duty because we are short staffed and my duty today was at 9:00 a.m. Some people just don't like doing the packets and will straggle in but it doesn't matter because those doing it just do it.

But this morning, a bit before 8, I was getting water to have at my desk and I saw the packets on the table and thought I'd just get them done. Another coworker did all the letters and lables yesterday. So, I picked up the packets and brought them to my office, got envelopes and sat down to stuff them.

While I was doing this, a second coworker stopped by and asked if she could help. I said sure but I want to do them at my desk. I stuffed, she stampped the return and we both then put on address lables for approximately 165 packets. That left only putting the letters in the envelopes, lables on the files, and letter copy in the file! So, is this a problem so far? I didn't think so.

During the process, the crazy co-worker came in, actually stood in the hallway and wanted to know why I had come to my office with all the packets to stuff them. I said I just wanted to do it and sit at my desk. She proceeded to tell me I had no business doing it that way, everyone was supposed to do the packets. Her comment was that I would go to my supervisor and make everyone else look bad for not helping. I explained I had not asked for help and I was not the person in the department who carried tales to the director. I had simply chosen to do the envelopes early at my desk and what was the problem! She accused me of trying to start a fight! My response was that she came to my office, I did not go to hers.

She continued to rant and rave about how it made everyone else look bad for me to do them like this. I informed her she could go pick up the letters and files and sit at her desk and do them if she wanted to.

Incidentally, this is the same moron who was on phone duty the day my husband broke his hand and she was too busy to leave the desk and let me know I had an emergency phone call. Yet she has ample time to leave her office to rant and rave at me because she doesn't like the way I am working! SHE might look bad.

Someone tell me exactly what this is all about. Is the world filled with idiots?

Monday, March 13, 2006

Road Rash of The Soul

What weekend! Rain, thunder, lightening. It was wonderful. I love storms and could sit and watch for hours. I have a story on my website called Out Running the Storm. The site link is at left.

For some reason I am at a place where it seems the road has ended and I have no where to turn. And I just drive around in circles. I can't explain it better than that. Sunday night I went to church early so I could go to the prayer room. Sometimes, often in fact, prayer is the only thing that helps. It was one of those times when I felt like someone who has just wiped out on a motorcycle... you know, road rash of the soul. If I close my eye, I can visualize vast quantities of my inner self stripped of skin, bruised, scrapped, raw, and unable to pick myself up. And I want to scream in pain.

The trip to the prayer room did help. I did pray, for me and others but the strangest thing happened. I suddenly found myself praying, "Hide me." Yes, I was saying over and over, "Hide me." It was very strange but I realized it was what I wanted so much that it hurt. I just want to slip off somewhere and hide, put my head on a pillow and curl up in a warm, dark cave and feel that someone else was worrying about things outside. I wish it were that simple. Yes, I feel better but road rash takes a while to heal. And I still have to find the road.

I also suffered from a migarine that started on Saturday and lasted until Sunday afternoon. Believe it or not, a cup of coffee helped! I usually take Imitrex but unfortunately, at the moment, I am not able to pay the co-pay on it and so have nothing to take. Spring and fall are the worst times of the year for me in regard to migraines. I seem to get more during those times than any other.

I am a bit annoyed at myself, too. I have not been writing lately. I got back on that history board and totally derailed. I am also behind in sewing for Becca. I have several things cut out and ready to sew. Must get those done this week. She won't have any clothes if I don't.

Now it is Tuesday, and my post is a day late. I gotta get back in a groove! I hope this week is uneventful.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

The Clocks are Ticking!

Ok, everyone, look up. See that little bar with the baby? That tells us approximately where we are on the baby scale. Isn’t that cute? Another way to tell time.

Speaking of time, if you look to the left you will see the list of months in which I made a post. Did anyone realize this is the fifth month since I started this blog? I certainly didn't. I can't believe it has been that long. It feels like a few weeks ago but looking at that list tells me I am wrong.

It goes back to that time dilation thing I mentioned in an earlier post. A moving clock runs faster than a stationery one. I am telling you, that Einstein was a real genius. It is an interesting theory and one I seem to be able to prove at the drop of a hat! I find it utterly engrossing to think that a little thing like gravity can affect time. And the Bible mentions this fact. “One day is as a thousand years with the Lord.” God’s time moves at a different, and faster, rate than ours.

Gravity: Grave consequence; seriousness or importance
[1] ALSO The natural force of attraction between any two massive bodies, which is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. [2]

We don’t have the luxury on earth to pick the amount of gravity exerted on us. We can’t adjust it. There could be serious consequences with more or less gravity. With less gravity we weigh less (yahoo!), can run faster, jump higher, and our joints just might last longer. More gravity would mean we would be heavier, have difficulty running, jumping, and could be crushed under the weight over time.

Yes, gravity can affect your whole life. Choices with consequence equal problems, exerting a force against you. The farther you are from the problem, the least amount of force it exerts on you. We all know that worse a situation gets the slower the clock moves!

According to Einstein, everything is relative. We may be stuck on planet earth at the moment, but we choose the level of gravity we live in. Gravity = Problems x distance. G=Pd Whoa, dude! Algebra!


Einstein’s Universe by Nigel Calder – a good book for a novice with a basic background in earth sciences that did not include physics (like me). Explains a lot of good stuff about Einstein’s theories that are truly awesome when contemplated from a Christian viewpoint. And they were easy to understand. Does take a bit of time to read unless you are riveted by physics, even though it is a slim book of less than 150 pages. Me, I get riveted by anything that has to do with time, creation, and stars. I fumble around in the morass until I get some sense.

Also, any book by Hugh Ross, Ph.D. in astral physics AND the founder of Reason’s to Believe. His books are tremendous for Christians who believe there is a scientific foundation to creation that can be supported by the Bible. This is NOT for short time span creationist. He believes in long creations days. When I say long I mean in terms of time, thousands of years. I pretty much agree with him and believe the Bible supports that belief.

[1]Excerpted from American Heritage Talking Dictionary. Copyright © 1997 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
[2]Excerpted from American Heritage Talking Dictionary. Copyright © 1997 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

Feeding the Jackass

Today on my job we are doing client recertifications. It is always a busy time because we see about 150 people in one day, individually. There is tons of paperwork to complete and shuffle. I work in Section 8 housing. I am a caseworker. My name is not Friday.

Basically, I manage a caseload of nearly 300 tenants and I process the paperwork for all of them. I am also the landlord liasion for all landlords participating in the program. There are approximately 900 of them. I manage all their files. I am very good at what I do. No one else wants to do it, so I must be. They pay me fairly well for the job. They don't pay me enough for the job hassels.

I also give landlord orientations twice a month to familiarize new (or confused) landlords with the program and to help them understand what they can expect of the program. It helps some and there are a couple who have attended several briefings and still don't get it. They aren't paying attention to what I say unless it involves how much money they can get. These are the people who have problems with tenants later and call me to whine for half an hour on how the latest tenant catastrophy happened. I listen, offer help if I can, and silently tell them they should have listened more in the briefing instead of dreaming of dollar signs. You won't get rich as a Section 8 landlord.

And I am the general computer bloodhound. I am given a problem with a computer or software and I sniff out it out. If I can figure it out and fix it, I do. If I can't I call Tom. He is tech support. He gets paid for it. I don't.

My job is interesting sometimes. Sometimes it is not. I work with some nice people. I work with some jerks. If they read the blog they can decide where they fall. I am not here to make friends. I am here to feed my family. I don't really care if someone is a jackass, as long as they don't get in my way. I don't have time to feed hay to the jackasses in the world. I have work to do.

Ya'll have a nice day now. I have something better at home but I was too tired to post it last night. I'll get it later tonight. Maybe.

Anyone get the impression I am not having a good day?

Saturday, March 4, 2006

Relative Success

When I started thinking about creating a website for myself it was just a passing fancy, messing around creating a site using programs designed for that. In my case, I used Microsoft Office Publisher. During my play, I had an idea that I could do one for my church as well. So, I did it and actually posted it first. It was nice but the side effect of that was I wanted to do it better. So, I used what I learned to do my own site. And I was pretty pleased with it, even while thinking it was silly. At my age! Then, I wanted to do it better!

So I did updates, scronging the web for ideas and fancy scripts and codes to play with, new little gadgets, moving stuff around, adding and dropping pages. After the second update I had added some of my writing to my personal site. I got compliments and requests. Then, I wanted to do it better! So, I did.

I found that the programs just didn't give me the creativity I wanted. I realized that the problem was I didn't really understand how to work with the codes. I decided I had to learn to create the pages from coding so the writing pages would look better and I could make other changes within the program formated pages. Two birds, one stone.

So, I cruised the web for sites to teach me, I printed off manuals. And I did it. I learned the basics and created some pretty, simple pages. I think they look beautiful. Nothing fancy, just nice and focusing on the writing rather than gadgets. Ah, but then, I wanted to do it better. So now, I am looking at style sheets and thinking I have to learn this next. I still rely on my good old Publisher to do the heavy work.

In the midst of learning html and creating pages, I decided on a blog. You are seeing the results of that. I love the learning process but it became a struggle. I almost quit a couple of times. However, tenacity is my secret name. It was whispered in my ear by God just before my birth.

He gave it to me because He knew I would need every ounce of it to get through the muddle people made of my life until I could take the reins myself or give them to Him. I realized early that He steered much better than I do. Occassionally, I take the reins back, just because I want to get better at it but He is a master charioteer. Riding next to Him has been an awesome experience.

I realized yesterday, when I saw the sonagram pictures below that I was having fun at all this. I am in the middle of turmoil, stress beyond imagination, pain nearly beyond endurance, broke most of the time, and frustration at my inability to fix it all. But I am having fun!

My oldest son recently visited my website after the recent update. He said "Wow, Mom, you have accomplished so much in your life!"

I had to step back and think about what he said. "What accomplishments?" I asked.

He said, "You have two grown sons who are married and on their own, you have two websites, a blog and your writing is on the web. What more could you want!"

In a couple of sentences he had boiled my entire 50 years down into its simplest terms. I can't write that well! And his view was a bit overstated. But just the fact that he stated it so succinctly annoyed me. He was complimenting me and I was annoyed by it!

I was forced to ponder life and my successes. I don't know that I have any. But I realized a couple of things. I dreamed of them. I worked at them. Some I attained, some I have not. It seems failures far out number the successes. The important thing is that I keep trying. Mama would have said it is the little things that are important. And Mike had seen right to the core of my life. I don't know whether I will be a published author or not. I don't know if my sites are a success. I don' t know if I will ever have a car that doesn't leak or stop in the middle of the road without warning.

I do know that it is unthinkable to stop. The road is a ribbon running through hills and valleys with hidden curves and bumps. I am in a red convertible and the top is down, the sun is high and the wind is filled with the scent of pines. Today the road is mine.

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

It's a Real Baby!

Yahoo! Baby pictures are here! I have attached a copy of my first grandchild's picture. Isn't it adorable? These were taken this morning! If you click on the picture you will open one that is a bit larger. Use your back button to come back to this page.

We don't know if it is a boy or girl yet because it is too early to tell. But they said it could be left handed. You can see the left hand just below the word "Hi" in the picture. During the sonogram it kept moving the left hand to its face and didn't move the right hand at all. Becca was so worried she asked if it had a right hand. They laughed and showed it to her.

The left handed idea is not too farfetched. Becca is left handed and both grandmothers (her mom and I) are left handed. So, the odds favor it. There is not anyone in my family that we are aware of who was or is left handed. I am the only leftie in the Gilmore, Browder, Patch clans as far as I know. Neither of my sons is left handed. Strange, huh? But my son married a left handed girl who everyone thinks looks like my daughter!

Get this. The due day for above baby is between September 12 and 16. My due date for my other son, Mike, was September 12. He was born on September 22! We are hoping that that this baby will be born on Mike's birthday too. Every kid needs an Uncle Mike and to share a birthday with him would be awesome for both of them.

I think once we saw today's photos we all got excited. Becca said the baby was very active on the sonogram and the nurse said everything looked great. They also gave her some more medicine to help her not be so sick. Today she felt wonderful. She is such a fun girl to have around when she feels well.

I am going to bed now!! Really! Isn't it cute?

Monday, Monday

It seems that every time I think something is going to get better that something else happens to prove I am wrong. I don’t know what it is. I don’t believe in luck but it seems of late that dark clouds seem to follow me in mass.

On Monday, Jerry fell in the yard, onto the patio. He broke and dislocated his two middle fingers of his right hand. He had a small break but it was in a place where a ligament was attached and the bones broke through the skin causing what the doctor called an open dislocation. The exact piece of bone where the ligament was attached, the volar plate, is what broke off. The doctor put the fingers back in their proper place, sewed up the open wounds on the palm side of his fingers and sent us home. I had three hours sleep that night. I spent Tuesday morning at the orthopedic doctor’s, had lunch, then spent the afternoon at the rehab waiting while they put a splint on him. I went home and spent the evening playing nurse and fixing supper. I tried to take a nap but Becca was sick and needed something and I had to get up. So, I didn’t make a further attempt until midnight.

I was so sick today, Wednesday morning, that I just could not get up and go to work. I slept until 10:30 and was sluggish until about 2 p.m..

Since Monday afternoon, I was also angry because I was at work when this happened and my family had to call five times before they could get the moronic girl on the switchboard get someone call me to the phone. Actually, I was on the phone with a client. She told them she just didn’t have time to fool with it.

Tonight I am going to go to bed on time well, for me anyway. It is now 11:00 p.m. so I better get to it. Next post will contain some positive substance!