Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Three More Days

Wow, it has been a busy week.. and it is only Tuesday! I had a rough weekend. On Saturday I cut the yard and enjoyed a beautiful day. Saturday evening had to go to the ER for a severe case of vertigo. Now some of you who know me will say you always knew I was a dizzy dame, but this was not a joke. I couldn't stand up for fear of falling down. They gave me fluids, radiated me and fed me to the vampires. When they didn't get sick, they sent me home with a diagnosis of unknown. I either was dehydrated or had a spell of.... vertigo!

Either way, I was tired on Monther's day and spent it alone at home. It wasn't as sad as it sounds. Mike took me to lunch so that was nice. I rested all day. The dizziness was gone before I got up that morning.

Monday, I worked around the house a bit, went to the cemetery and walked half a mile. I didn't think I would be able to finish it. I was in a lot of pain by the time I was done. It passed off and I returned to began work painting the den. It hasn't been done in at least a decade and a half. It is time. I'm in the priming stage just now and I hope to get half the room primed by tomorrow and the rest might be done by Saturday. Then, I can put on the top coat of paint. I think it is just going to be bright white.

River City Writers Crossroads
Last night, I attended the River City Writers' book signing at Barnes & Noble. We had a great turnout and a lot of fun. This is such a great group of people and I'm very proud to be a part of this effort. They all worked really hard and I think the book turned out pretty good. It was a lot of fun meeting people who wanted your autograph, too.

Today, I had breakfast with my newest friend, Lisa. She is such a sweetie and it was so nice to be invited out.  This is the second time she's asked me to breakfast and I've enjoyed it so much.  We just sit and talk and when I am done the day seems much brighter. We talked about meeting up to walk. She's just started doing that again. She said she rode 11 miles on her bike yesterday and asked me how far I think I could ride and would it be easier on my hips. Well, I don't know but yes, it would be easier. So I'm considering it. I may need to get my bike out and do a test run.

Now, I'm jotting down this post before I get back to painting. I was going to walk but realize my hips are not happy with me for yesterday and besides, it is over 80 out now and I'm just not feeling a walk. We'll see tomorrow.

Tonight, I believe I have an online meeting with another writer friend. We're sort of our own support group and we try to meet twice a month but with two toddlers, it is a huge challenge for her.

And that wraps up today. I'm stunned at how much  I've experienced in three days. And to think, I have three days to go.

I hope you'll have a great day today. Take time for yourself.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Watery Day Wandering

Rain. All night. Days of it.

I'm OK with it. Really, I am. I've had some really good days during the whole mess. Writing is all but dried up and it is the only thing dry. But I am OK with it. Really.

It is the cold I hate and the dreary rain has brought cold. We had some lovely weather ... a while ago ... what? A week. It was nice and I was not well and so, I could only stare at it from the windows. The way I stare at the gloomy skies from the same windows today. I spent time cleaning the house and putting away that darn laundry that continues to grow, despite constant weeding. I still have some to put away but not much. Of course, I have three loads to wash. Mmmmm.

The wind is blustery today. I can hear the trees fussing in the house.

Did I mention it is cold?

I was contemplating a vacation this morning. I need to go someplace warm, with a pool. Where I can relax and sit by the pool, in the shade, of course, and write, taking a swim now and then. I can dream. Mmmm.

I have no idea why I'm writing this post today. I feel as if my head is stuffed with cotton wool. I think I got enough sleep. I haven't checked the numbers from the CPAP yet but 7 hrs is plenty. Most of this wet week has been a good one for sleep. I've been rested. Of course, I've been on the road a lot and got nothing done at home.

The back yard is a puddle. I really need to have a load of dirt hauled in to fill the bad places. And I need to clear around the garage so the water will drain away from it. it just pools around it and seeps in under the blocks. Very annoying. I can't decide if I need to create a drainage trench or pile dirt up to prevent the seepage. I guess I could talk to someone about that. If you have ideas, please share.

Jerry used to take care of things like this and I simply am stupid in this area. He could find the answers and deal with it. Amazing how marriages work. One part of the couple has one set of strengths and the other has a totally different set. If you can adjust to it and accept that, you can make a marriage work. If it bugs you, you have problems. LOL, we managed quite well. I let him do his thing and he let me do mine. We didn't starve and we accomplished quite a few things. We had some nice arguments, too.

I'm leaving now. I'm good to get in here once a month. I guess I don't feel the need to spill my woes here anymore. Well, I don't have that many woes anyway but seems as if I've gradually run out of rants.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Into the Dark

I'm not sure where the road of my life deviated from the one I had planned. Glancing over the map, I could pick a few places where I took roads that weren't the norm but over all, things have been pretty regular. Until Jerry died.

I suppose that's the deviation. One day you're a cheerful person, whistling along a sunny path. The next you've fallen into a dark, dank hole of unknown depths. You manage to land on a ledge but you have no idea where the bottom is and no way to climb back up. You'll have to shred your clothes just to make a rope and hope it reaches the bottom.

And there you are, naked, in the dark, hanging from the end of a rope. Lord knows how far you're going to have to fall. What do you do? What can you do? I mean hanging from the end of a rope is death.

Many years ago a woman in my church made a comment, half joking, half serious. She said, "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." Easy to say when you're not the one on the rope.

Anyone who's skinned a cat on the playground or done hand over hand on the monkey bars, knows hanging on isn't a problem... for about three minutes. After that decisions have to be made. Even then you worried about how far you had to fall. It didn't look far but the impact on your feet is always kind of there, in your head. It just doesn't feel good.

So, sit on the Ledge and wither away or climb down that rope into deeper darkness and hope something doesn't eat you. 'Tis a quandary, to be sure.

Of course, sometimes you get pushed off the Ledge and end up doing a free fall. Those aren't fun either. I've known sky divers. They're just insane. Who jumps out of a perfectly good plane for fun? I've knows a few whose chutes didn't open when they wanted them too. That fall put them in the hospital. Mine may not be so critical in that respect. But it is still painful.

What's my point? I haven't lost sight of it. I've had some good days this week but during those brighter days, I've been depressed and feeling like I should turn around and go back. Impossible to go back, of course. All the bridges burned in the fires I left behind.

Maybe I should have taken a different path. I'd have totally missed that hole if I'd just taken a side road. Or I should have been watching the ground more carefully. Then I wouldn't have fallen in.

And never mind the delays to the journey. Those false starts, detours, and places where you have to stop and wait. Any change to the route would have resulted in a different outcome. Right? Well, maybe but I'm one of those who believe the end result can't really be avoided. I heard a psychology teacher once say that as we age we become who we are. I didn't like the comment then because it sounded as if we had no choice and at that point in my life, I wanted to be more than who I was. I was pretty happy with my life then, but I wanted more and to get there I had to be  more. These days I think the journey makes us who we become and who be become determines where we end up. The course is set for us.

Of course, if you've stuck around all this sounds like the mad ravings of a disillusioned woman. Maybe it is. I think I'm evaluating what I'm doing and who I am and how I got to this state. Paul said in Philippians 4:11 that he'd learned that in whatever state he was in to be content. Paul's state was not Florida. There wasn't sunshine and sandy beaches. He fell in a pretty dark hole and I suspect he ran out of rope long before he reached the bottom. His end was disastrous for him. And yet... he said he fought a good fight, kept the faith, and looked forward to a crown of righteousness.

If you look at it, that seems pretty simple. Stand tall, pull your shoulders back, fight your battles with honor and integrity, keep your faith, and keep going, even if it is into the dark.

Shameless plug follows:

Buy the new River City Wriers Anthology: Crossroads
Try it. I think you'll like it.