Wednesday, December 28, 2005

I See Something Coming!

Yes, the new year is just around the bend. I can see the glimmer of the ball on top of that building in New York.

I have an eye exam this afternoon. Really.

I also have a runny nose, a headache, a stuffy head, sneezing, and coughing. Sounds like a cold but I am denying it. By the time the eye doc is done my head will truly be exploding.

I have a four day weekend beginning Friday. I so need another. I discovered that my "novel" has progressed more than I knew. I checked the files and there are 34 "sections" saved on my computer. I don't know if I can rightly call them chapters because some may eventually be merged. Anyway, each one runs about 2500 words except for one which is 10,000 words. So that gives me about 78,000 words. Now I am faced with the task of organizing it into something coherent. Actually, I think it is good. I am very critical of my own writing and rely heavily on my gut to tell me when it is right. A lot of this is "right".

I have one section posted on my website. I think it will be a prologue but not sure. Do visit please and check out the last page for some of the writing. Some of it is rather old. I am working on adding some things but I am spurcing up the pages before I do.

Must go now but I will be back soon.

Happy New Year!

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Christmas Cheer......

Merry Christmas!

Yes, it is Christmas Day and I am here at the blogspot. We are not all up yet, even though it is after 10 a.m. Jerry was sick again last night from taking some of his painkillers. There is one pill that makes him sick when he takes it but thankfully, he has run out of that one.

Today he did not want to go to church and I am disappointed. I have not been to church on Christmas Day that I ever recall and I was looking forward to it. I guess I could have gone alone but then there would be no one to watch that dratted dog and wait on the patient.

It just is not going to be Christmas for me this year. I have tried the music, the decorations, and the thoughts. Nothing has worked. I do not feel any of the usual excitement. Maybe I am tired. Maybe I am worn out. Maybe I have become Scrooge. I have no idea.

Could be that I just had too much to really prepare for it. With Jerry’s surgery on the 1st and then playing nurse after working all day there really wasn’t time to do anything else. I didn’t even have time to shop much.

I did go and buy myself a Christmas present, two pair of beautiful shoes. One pair is a t-strap and the other is similar but doesn’t have the t-strap. I was going to wear the T-strap pair this morning. They are so pretty and feminine. I have been looking for ages for a pair but could never find any. I had some when Mike was small and I loved them so much I wore them out. They were camel colored. These new are burgundy. I don’t have a lot to wear with burgundy but I will! Oh, I love pretty shoes. These have a slender 2-in. heel and will make my not-so-bad ankles look slimmer. Actually, my Christmas presents were the shoes I bought, gift certificates from my Aunt for the Cracker Barrel for the whole family, and my sister bought me a 1-hour massage at a local spa. I can’t wait for that!

I am not obsessed with fashion. I don’t follow trends. I think I can look good by following my instincts. Mama taught me how to dress when I was young and I am one of those people who look best in suits or clean lines. Don’t wear a lot of frills because I began to look bulky but I like delicate folds and lace and ruffles in understated amounts. When I was a size 12 I could wear all those ruffles and bows that were such a fashion in the mid-70’s. What size am I now? Nunya…. Well, let’s say my sand is still where it should be but in a bit more mature amounts. Still, once in a while a head will turn and I get smiles. <sigh> Not as much as I did 20 years ago….

I have one more day of reprieve and then three days back at the job before the next four-day weekend. I can hardly wait! For now, I am going to sit back and enjoy my coffee and try and do some real writing. I have worked on web pages this week and this blog. I am supposed to work on the “novel” sometimes. I need discipline and a less intrusive life.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The Fifth Day of Christmas

Five days until Christmas and I just started putting up my decorations last night! The tree will go up tonight but will come down by the end of next week. I don’t know if I will ever do this again. I don’t really want to do it this year. My heart, I fear is just not in it.

Mama had her stroke on Christmas Eve in 1973 and died January 2, 1974. I have never felt the same about Christmas. We were so happy that week and it all melted like a late winter snow. When I had children, some of the joy of the season came back. We baked cookies, played games, sang carols, and decorated the tree, all together.

The house is silent tonight. I looked at the stockings and remembered there are no children in the house now who will race to find the treats that they would usually be filled with. No one will come dashing down the hall to bounce on the sofa and beg to hand out the gifts. No squeals of “Me first, me first!” No shouts of “Oh Boy! That’s just what I wanted!” No grins!

Tonight, there are no twinkling lights, no smell of cookies baked, no whispers and giggles, no rustling of presents because some one is sneaking a peek. No carols drifting through the house, no laughter, no anticipation, and no sense of wonder. There is only silence and off in the distance, echoes.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Christmas is Missing

Christmas is one week away. I don’t have my tree up yet. My sole concession to the season is a nice Christmas tablecloth and a lovely centerpiece that holds five candles, which I don’ t have. My aunt bought the candelabra for me when I admired it. We found it in a second hand shop that I simply love and from which I have bought dozens of home accessories. It came with a piece of greenery that the candles encircle. Last Christmas I bought some lovely Christmas flowers and some berries and stuck into the greenery. It has a gold net bow and the whole thing is very pretty.
Merry Christmas.

Yesterday I swept, vacuumed, dusted, moved furniture, washed clothes and dishes. I spent the whole day trying to clean up and get ready to put the tree up but by 5:00 p.m. I was so tired I could hardly move. So, I plan to put the tree up tomorrow night! I will! I want my tree up. I want to feel some kind of Christmas spirit.

I have still not mailed cards, although I have them out! No stamps. I should mail them I guess but payday is after the holiday.

Do you ever get the feeling that all this is a waste? That the whole reason has been lost? I don’t have small children at home anymore and something has changed. I used to enjoy the cooking of cookies, and cakes and decorating the house. I liked playing Christmas songs and hearing Alvin & the Chimpmunks sing about Christmas. I love Grandma Got Run Over by A Reindeer, and Silent Night, Away in a Manger, and We Three Kings. I love the song Feliz Navidad! I loved my special tree ornaments. Every year I buy a special unique ornament, but not this year. I like the feeling in the air when it is Christmas but this year there is none of that. I don’t know what happened.

Maybe Christmas never came this year. Maybe it won’t ever again.

Dixie Girl

Friday, December 16, 2005

Office Break....!

Oh for a day of my own! I wish that I didn't have to work so hard. Eight hours at a desk, after that home to pickup, cleanup, and try and find time around 10 or 11 for me!

I need a real vacation! Tahiti sounds wonderful to me, exotic, warm, and sunny. Someday, when I am too old to appreciate it I may be able to go there.

Jerry got the staples removed from his back on Wednesday. He is getting around a bit better but I think he is moving too fast. He wants to do all sorts of things that he should not do such as not getting up the way he is supposed to and moving in an awkward way.

I have slacked off my writing too much in pursuit of an interest that is really not my thing anyway. I need to make a bigger effort. I have looked at finding a net-based writing group but so far they all look rather lame. Not sure I want to do that.

I miss my friend Cecile because we could talk about writing all day and encourage each other. She was a great one to push me. I got very productive when she was doing that. She moved to New York and now I don't hear from her much.

Money is tight because Jerry still is not working. And Christmas will be pretty slim if it exist at all. I am at the point that I am not sure I want to put the tree up or not. Mike and Gina won't be home; they will be at her folks this year. They were here Thanksgiving. They got their presents when they were here. My limit is $50 each. Next year they are supposed to spend Christmas with us.

Dave and Becca are, of course, living with us again because of their own money problems. I have given Dave & Becca part of their Christmas money to pay a debt they must take care of now. They will get the rest at Christmas. And that is it.

The car is bad, very bad. Water is puddled on the floor on the driver's side. It freezes when the temp drops. Frost on the inside results at night and I scrape inside and out so I can see. The seat is broken on one side so I am sitting sidways a bit when I drive and it makes my back hurt. The suspension appears to be a bit ... uh... well it just isn't very good. Tires need replacing. Something is wrong with the transmission. I have been driving along and it just stops, not goes dead, just stops. I have to shift into another gear and then back to drive. THAT is very nerve racking. I am terrified that I will be on the expressway doing 55 and this will happen. So..... I take back streets home and to work most of the time. I avoid the expressway, which isn't an expressway anyway.

I get nervous when we go to church. We have to cross the Ohio River and I am already terrified of crossing birdges. The thought of something stopping me there is something I can't even think about. But I do. We drive about 30 minutes to church, twice on Sunday and if we get a chance we go other nights too.

I never hear from anyone but my Aunt in Atlanta. I get email from my Dad and step mom, and my dad's sister. I get lots of email from friends and aquaintences but no contact from four brothers and a sister in Florida and Alabama. I did try and reply when the sister wrote but it was all about her "poor, mistreated, and misunderstood" self, so I just gave up. Too depressing dwelling on the past, most of which didn't exist anyway. I no longer make attempts to be social, stamps are too expensive and I do not have long distance anymore. My phone card is used for emergencies and to call my mother once in awhile.

My sister, Phyllis, lives nearby and we take a day once in awhile to do girl stuff, like hit the book stores. I love Barnes & Noble. I would love to have my own bookstore but have no idea where to start. I am trying to get enough hobbies to break a record. So far I am up to writing, reading, crochet, playing my keyboard, sewing, remodeling, web design and finally blogging. Let's see, what else could be called a hobby? Eating? Maybe, sometimes. Sleeping? Nah, I don't get enough of that to call it a habit, let alone a hobby.

Anyway, I felt compelled to stop and take a break and dash off some astounding post for this blog. So far boring....... I must get back to the grindstone, the nose feels better now.

Dixie Girl

Friday, December 2, 2005

Center of the Universe

This is our family BDL (before daughter-in-law)

Dave & Becca - November 13, 2004 - She is a sweet as she is pretty!

Dixie Girl