Waiting for the Warming

My Dream Room

The house is warm and I wish I could just stay here and curl up with my warm throw and nap. The temperature gauge on my desktop says it is 36 degrees outside.

I'm waiting on a repairman to arrive to give me an estimate to have the gas log I bought connected in my den. They were supposed to contact me at 7:30 a.m. to tell me when they'd arrive. It is 7:51 a.m. and I've not heard a word. I thought they'd be done before eight and I could go to work without missing much. Probably not going to happen and I'm annoyed. I've been trying for two weeks to get someone to give me a repair estimate!

Most of you know that the last couple of weeks have been very stressful and I wish I could say I've been stoic through all of it. My pain escalated to fairly awful proportions and by the time I got that under control other stresses had multiplied and I was in a pretty bad way.

I started Monday... well, you can read the blog. I did make an attempt, really. I've managed to get through most of this week without a total meltdown or going off the deep end. You pick the analogy and it'll probably be just as good as mine. Anyway, Tuesday I plodded along finding some revelatory thoughts along the way. And I kept trying to keep my eyes on something besides the problems. Admittedly, I found few things that weren't a problem but I was able to find small blessings that usually go unnoticed and unlauded.

So, my goal is to continue looking at the seemingly mundane and small things I often overlook. Today I'm nearly done with the week and for this I am so thankful. My pain levels have fallen considerably. Maybe leaving off the medicine for a month reset my system. Maybe I was in a flare. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I don't care. I'm thankful pain is at a two today.

Sarah spent the night last night and Dave took her to school this morning. She would not go to bed so we were all a bit tired. Becca has some kind of bug and so she thought it would be better if David kept her. I always feel better when Sarah is in the house and I'm always so thankful when that happens.

I'm thankful I have a job and can pay the bills. I don't know what I'd do otherwise. I'm thankful for a bunch of online friends who stop by or email me when life is hard and give me sympathy, virtual hugs and encouragement. The sympathy lets me know they understand, but the hugs and encouragement serve to remind me that I should keep going and look up. It isn't easy.

I'm thankful see my son smiling and laughing and acting like himself. How is it that we can't see other people's unhappiness when it is staring us in the face? I'm not thankful his wife divorced him. I am not thankful others are wounded. I know the pain of permanent loss. I'm thankful that both of them are still here. When people divorce they often say things like, "I'm sorry we ever met." I'm not sorry. Had they not met I would not have two very important people in my life, particularly at at time when my life was as dark as a tomb. I'm very thankful these two people met and gave me Sarah. And I'll be always sorry that they could not make it work.

It is now half past 8 and still no call. I think I'm going to go to work and call another company. It is so annoying but the den is an icebox in winter and I have some things I want to do in there. Once the heater is connected it will only take minutes to warm up. At the moment... I have to wait.

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A Walk At My House

Long Time No....Rant

My son was telling me this week about someone who complained that I never call them. I've heard this before but for those who wonder where I've been or why I don't ever call anyone, I've been exceptionally busy and tired.

As most of you know, if you follow the blog on Blogger or on Multiply, you know work has been pretty.... well words defy me. Let me give background for anyone reading for the first time or for those who have forgotten and feel slighted.

I am called the Landlord liaison (not what I was hired for). I handle 400-500 active landlord accounts and there are roughly 1500 active and inactive landlord files in my office. This means I set up and maintain these files. I answer questions from potential and new landlords and I do training sessions for them. I also give them advice on tenant problems. I make any necessary changes to their files.

My real job is a housing specialist. I'm one of 5 now. We maintain and process files for tenants on the program. We had two firings last month. This increased each person's tenant caseload by 53 tenant cases. I now have 356 tenant accounts. Within six months each person's tenant accounts will number roughly 400. Each of us has to process roughly 140 re-certifications ever single month. It varies by about 40 more or less each month. I answer calls from all of them who call... want to guess that number?

I am unofficially the technical support for my department. This means I am the first person called when computer disasters strike. This means, computer problems for 10 computers come to me before they go to tech. If I can't fix it, tech gets a shot. Most things I can fix. Network problems - we call tech. Problems range from hang ups, printers not working, files not opening, unexplained crashes, and user issues. I determine if we need tech. Usually we don't.

I am one of 5 case managers who do move briefings twice each month. We rotate who does it. And if someone doesn't want to do it or can't for some reason, I volunteer. You stand up during the entire presentation. These are PowerPoint presentations that last about an hour. Um... I create the PowerPoint presentations, create our forms, and schedule the monthly recertification appointments every months. Could someone else do some of these things? Yes but the majority of them don't want the job... they've seen me do it for years and I suppose they figure it's too much work. It is. But could they, yes. And frankly, the time it would take to train them would take longer than it takes me to do it. And they're not going to learn voluntarily.

In the last two weeks at work, we've been preparing for internal audits of process, procedures, duties. I was interviewed over these things one day this past week from 9 a.m. until 11:30. Next Monday, a different group will do a financial audit of our files. I could get questioned over that. I also can't do my other duties during these. So... I get behind.

I come home at 5 p.m. and believe me when I say I have NO social life. I have friends, on my blogs, on Facebook and a few I see in person when they ask me to lunch. I have my granddaughter, two sons, and daughter-in-law that I may see two or three times a week, depending on what they want. Sarah used to come over every Saturday and spend the night. She won't spend the night anymore but when she comes, my time is her's. I see Mike on Sundays and we go to church together, have lunch together and I may take a Sunday afternoon nap . . . if time permits.

On top of all this, I am making crocheted items for Sarah to wear. I write when I'm not brain dead from work. I am in the process of editing a novel. Lately, not so much but it's there. I have to do my own repairs. The children come and help from time to time. Thank goodness Randy did my remodel in 2010. The roof is now repaired and all the things Jerry and I wanted to do but couldn't are almost done. Only a kitchen remodel is left. Then it is just painting. He'd have loved that front porch. We always wanted one. It was my birthday present from Randy. I'm trying to get him to come build a deck on the back. If he doesn't... guess who'll do it?

I have a wall still to repair in the bedroom, all rooms need painting, kitchen floor needs replacing, laundry room needs a new floor, kitchen sink is new but the drain has a leak and needs repair, yard has to be cut every week or so, along the track needs clearing. Who do you think does all this? I do.

I also have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. If you're not sure how these affect me.... because you've not been in contact with me.....if I move furniture, paint walls, repair floor, and carry boxes of files, the next day I can't walk very well, and can't use my hands, arms, and anything requiring my back. I suffer severe pain most days. No, I do not take pain killers. I have to work. I work in pain. I have terrible leg cramps and a bad shoulder that means I can't sleep on either my right or left sides for more than a few minutes. So I'm constantly waking in pain and having to turn over. I have migraine headaches that, for the last few months have been unusually absent... thank God.

Incidentally, the only phone calls I've received in the last 60 days were from my children, my aunt, my sisters, and my two brothers. Obviously, they weren't the ones complaining and they didn't wait for me to call them.

Folks, I'm tired. Very, very tired. All the time. So, if you're feeling slighted, or neglected I'm so sorry! Get over it. I'm too tired to pet you. I'd love to hear from you, or see you, or get an email from you. But if you're waiting on me.... you might want to carry a book to read.

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