Where to Start, Where to End

 

I don't know where to begin with this post. It has been a horrible year all the way around. My aunt died May 22nd, funeral several days later, then home. Then I hit a curb at CVS just over a week ago. I blew out the tire, road side couldn't fix it ($200), had to tow it ($161), both charged me. Then the shop called, and I didn't need just one tire. The other tire also needed replacing ($300). 

Then, a week later, the toilets and tub backed up. Repair man came out. To rod it out was $400. Or I could repair the line because it has an air conditioner sitting on top of it that may have damaged the line, causing repeated blockages ($5000). But, if I could dig the hole to lay the line from the house, around the air conditioner, to a place they'd tie in the new line, it would be cheaper. 

So, we dug the hole with a shovel. On the 9th David worked 45 minutes, but I knew it wasn't deep enough and particularly since we had not found the line where they would connect to the main line. Mike and I dug about 45 minutes to dig the trench from the house to the hole where it ended. We dug three feet down and found the main line. They repaired it on the 10th. Yesterday, I had swollen and sore hands. Today just they're just sore. 

How much did digging that hole save me? The repair job was $1900. You can do the math.

So now toilets are working. The car is working. I need to call my aunt. I have needed to call her every day since I got home. I really need to talk to her. She won't answer, of course. 

Today I spent the day reading the Book of James. Nothing else. Just that. It's five chapters, but I took my time highlighting verses that were familiar and considering the meanings and implications. I was surprised to find that we quote so many verses from this small book in the Bible. I doubt we quote Paul as much as we do James. It was astonishing. And I also found that most of those verses, well, you won't like this, but I believe it's true. Most of us simply ignore them. We know them, but we don't follow them. 

Tell me which ones you follow. I'll wait. Because that won't be a long list. Blow up the image and you can see most of them. Actually, don't tell me. Just be honest with yourself. 

I took Mike to lunch in the afternoon and Firehouse rules.

Now, I'm finishing this day with this post. I haven't been writing much for the last year. Most of that time I've been in financial freefall and physical distress. I've spent a lot of time praying and asking why. But I suppose it's just life doing what it does. Casualties sometimes result. But Mama told me that if everything is going wrong, you must be doing something right.

All I could think of when my aunt died was that there was no one left to call for help or prayer or just to talk things out with. She was the last. She knew me longer than my own parents. Sixty-eight years she was part of my life and knew more about me than any living person. There was nothing we couldn't talk about. And just like that, being alone means something different.  

My cousin wants me to move to Georgia. I have nothing here that matters anymore. But I'm too old to start over, and I've already paid for my burial plot next to Jerry. So, unless I win the lottery, I'm here for good. Since I don't play the lottery... well, that's that.

Waiting for the Warming

My Dream Room

The house is warm and I wish I could just stay here and curl up with my warm throw and nap. The temperature gauge on my desktop says it is 36 degrees outside.

I'm waiting on a repairman to arrive to give me an estimate to have the gas log I bought connected in my den. They were supposed to contact me at 7:30 a.m. to tell me when they'd arrive. It is 7:51 a.m. and I've not heard a word. I thought they'd be done before eight and I could go to work without missing much. Probably not going to happen and I'm annoyed. I've been trying for two weeks to get someone to give me a repair estimate!

Most of you know that the last couple of weeks have been very stressful and I wish I could say I've been stoic through all of it. My pain escalated to fairly awful proportions and by the time I got that under control other stresses had multiplied and I was in a pretty bad way.

I started Monday... well, you can read the blog. I did make an attempt, really. I've managed to get through most of this week without a total meltdown or going off the deep end. You pick the analogy and it'll probably be just as good as mine. Anyway, Tuesday I plodded along finding some revelatory thoughts along the way. And I kept trying to keep my eyes on something besides the problems. Admittedly, I found few things that weren't a problem but I was able to find small blessings that usually go unnoticed and unlauded.

So, my goal is to continue looking at the seemingly mundane and small things I often overlook. Today I'm nearly done with the week and for this I am so thankful. My pain levels have fallen considerably. Maybe leaving off the medicine for a month reset my system. Maybe I was in a flare. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I don't care. I'm thankful pain is at a two today.

Sarah spent the night last night and Dave took her to school this morning. She would not go to bed so we were all a bit tired. Becca has some kind of bug and so she thought it would be better if David kept her. I always feel better when Sarah is in the house and I'm always so thankful when that happens.

I'm thankful I have a job and can pay the bills. I don't know what I'd do otherwise. I'm thankful for a bunch of online friends who stop by or email me when life is hard and give me sympathy, virtual hugs and encouragement. The sympathy lets me know they understand, but the hugs and encouragement serve to remind me that I should keep going and look up. It isn't easy.

I'm thankful see my son smiling and laughing and acting like himself. How is it that we can't see other people's unhappiness when it is staring us in the face? I'm not thankful his wife divorced him. I am not thankful others are wounded. I know the pain of permanent loss. I'm thankful that both of them are still here. When people divorce they often say things like, "I'm sorry we ever met." I'm not sorry. Had they not met I would not have two very important people in my life, particularly at at time when my life was as dark as a tomb. I'm very thankful these two people met and gave me Sarah. And I'll be always sorry that they could not make it work.

It is now half past 8 and still no call. I think I'm going to go to work and call another company. It is so annoying but the den is an icebox in winter and I have some things I want to do in there. Once the heater is connected it will only take minutes to warm up. At the moment... I have to wait.

Solitary Saturday

I've paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. It is such a chore and I wish with all my heart I didn't have to do it. For decades Jerry and I had issues with this. When I managed it we did well. When he managed it, we didn't. Eventually, it became my job. And I learned to despise it. And now, there is no one I can hand it off too, even were I of a mind to do so. But I don't want other people managing my money.

Now that it is done, I have to think about food. I feel Mexican I think. Ariba!

I'm trying something new. I'm posting FROM Blogger to Multiply. I haven't done it that way before but if it works, I may continue. You see, from work I can't access Multiply but I can Blogger. And sometimes, I want to post something and I have to go to my email and sent one to Multiply and one to Blogger. So much easier if I can just send one! And... if by chance I can send one email to Blogger and have it post to Multiply... all the better. Means I'll only be going to Multiply to read the blogs.

I've not been posting much anyway. Lately, I just don't have anything to say. Very sad to think I only blog when live is in a turmoil. Must be the only time things are interesting. I'm truly frustrated about all this money I've had to spend this week with the gas line but it must be done. I also told them to just fix my microwave. It is going to cost $100 total. They had a bench charge of $25 to see what was wrong with it and that will be applied to the bill, so I'll only owe $75. Yes, I know I could have bought a new one for that but probably as nice as mine. I like my microwave and if I get another three years out of it, well, it will be a bargain.

The plumber told me not to buy a new water heater until this one just stops. I told him it was here when I move here and was only a year or so old then. He asked me when I bought the house and when I told him he looked at me and said, "Don't change that out. If you've got 22 years out of a water heater it's a good one." So, thank goodness for that.

I have been crocheting a bit, trying to make Sarah a little shrug for the spring. She has some nice summer dresses but she gets cold some times when she goes to church or other places. So, this should help. We'll see how it goes.

Not much writing done. I've had a lot of really bad pain in my leg and hip and I've had to be in positions that were not conducive to writing. Monday night my Writer's Rules of Engagement writing group will do another Hangout on G+. This is such an awesome feature and I really love it. You can have 10 friends online, on webcams all at one time! Amazing! We had four of us last Monday and we had a blast. I got to "meet" two recent friends from NaNo and of course, my long time friend, Kat was there, too. I think we all enjoyed it and everyone was so excited. We hope that Grammy and Chris can join in this coming Monday. We've got a tentative topic to talk about and some plans on how we'll do this. So, I'm really looking forward to it.

All right. I'm off now to get some things done. Hope you are all having a lovely weekend.

How to Install a Kitchen Sink