Wash Day

I'm doing laundry today. The last load is in the dryer. I did two loads last night before I got in bed, but I've put nothing away yet. This morning I can see piles of cat hair along the baseboards. That has never happened before! I keep everything vacuumed weekly until now. And I'm just so tired I don't want to bother.

But I will. Later this evening. I am going to my sister's and get her to the infusion appointment. It goes rather fast. Yesterday, it took only 15 minutes. We're working on getting her insurance business taken care of as well. She's got to get the FMLA paperwork in today to the doctor. 

If you rent from Grand Oak here in Evansville, just know they provide little help to people who are crippled. She asked about a handrail, and they said they'd have to get back to her. I'm about to send a letter to them letting them know if they refuse, we will assume they accept full responsibility for any injuries she sustains because of that refusal. I am not feeling nice today, and that foolishness is just not gonna fly. They're terrible at repairs anyway, but this is just foolishness.

I had a rough weekend. It probably showed in my writing. I'm having to pray a lot more because of it. And I lie in bed and worry about my family and everything else. 

We're tired. Mike is only a month out from a stroke, and I get concerned he'll overdo it. I don't know how, but the fear is there. He's doing well, but I'm pretty sure his hearing is worse and his memory is worse. He's helped a lot with my sister's problem, but she has no patience with him. Today I'm going to be late getting over there. I have to do things in this house.

Right now there are so many things that have gone wrong, I can't pinpoint anything that is right. My only consolation is that when this many disasters hit one family, the devil is not happy with them. So, we must be doing something right. It will all come out in the wash. 

New Update on What's Happening In My World

I've had two people in the hospital. My son Mike was in for a week after a stroke. Then, a few days after he came home, my sister went into the hospital with a severely infected foot. They've saved it, but we don't know for how long. She's a bad diabetic and had a hole in her foot where a bone was working its way out. They took out the bone and the one next to it, and according to the doctor, will work its way out as well. Tomorrow they will go back in to check the foot and see how well its healing and if they have the infection under control. 

This week, Mike and I put his apartment back in order after I had it cleaned while he was in the hospital. He is going home to his place tomorrow. The doctors said he has to be monitored yearly for problems in his brain with blood flow and veins. 

I'm exhausted, y'all, tireder than I've ever been. And I'm better than I was a week ago. I thought one day I was just going to pass out because I had dizzy spells for a couple of days. My driving was horrible,and twice I had a couple of near misses. I couldn't stop because there was no help. No friends, no family. I've never lived in a place where there was no one to call for help and comfort. 

There are a couple of other issues that we're concerned about that I won't share. We've decided how to handle these, but it's still depressing. We've reached the end of our strength and tolerance. 

One thing I've learned during all of this, you find out who you can turn to in troubles. I've been praying about an issue for months now, and this weekend, the answer brazenly presented itself. It isn't what I wanted, but helped me make the decision. 

Don't become reliant on people or institutions. They'll never be there when you need them. I don't care what rewards you're promised. Only God never fails. He always answers. His schedule is never too full. 

Snow Days, Slow Days

Another snowy weekend began sometime before dawn this morning. The city was already blanketed from last week's snow and ice. Trees and power lines were down all over the county and surrounding counties. Sources reported 60,000 Center Point customers were without power. The city population is just over 100,000 people.

Yesterday, the power company notified us they had finally restored power to everyone. It's taken the whole week and assistance from a number of outside sources to get it all back on. I am so thankful that I didn't lose power and neither did my sons. God is so good to me. 

 I've been extremely lazy for weeks now. I've been running around taking people to appointments, going to my own appointments, and trying to stay on top of the housework. Although, I use the one at a time method for cleaning. I clean one room and if I can, I move to the next. If not, it has to wait on my back pain to decline. I've been taking care of the cats. Lately, that's been difficult. With Sarah moved out, things are more difficult. She did help with several difficult chores, mopping, cleaning the bathrooms, and vacuuming. Those are then things that really hit me hard. 

 David got his apartment and moved out last weekend also. So the house is very quite. Not since Jerry died has the house felt so void. I'm ok but there seem to be moments when it is overwhelming. I have no outside contact other than my family and I've not been doing Facebook much, so things have been ... difficult. 

I've given up on people for the most part. My experiences have given me some interesting insights on Biblical teachings. We Christians are in for some rude shocks, I think. Mama liked the scripture that says, "The little foxes spoil the vine." I believe it is in Judges because it was said in the story of Sampson. The little foxes will be our downfall. 

Depressing when you think about it. You live this "Godly, Holy, dedicated life" and a little fox devours your efforts. Neglect of the small things is a serious thing. I pray that I don't neglect the small things, that I trap the little foxes and be more attuned to the needs of other people. 

 I'm so disorganized that I begin to think I need some ADHD medication. I am all over the place and have been for a long time. It is the time of year again when Jerry's death is nearly a daily memory. The weather doesn't help that. One cold, snowy day the world turned over and everything fell out of place. I've never been able to restore order to my life or mind. Frustration doesn't begin to describe it. I'm about to pull the vacuum out and try to get the den cleaned. I need to dust so bad. 

I needed to sleep longer today but for some reason the universe demands I be out of bed by 8 a.m. and it has contracted with my cat to ensure that I comply. Also, I believe Mike is also on the payroll. If Jet doesn't succeed, Mike will. I'm very tired and need to go back to sleep for about 4 hours. Please have a safe and warm weekend.

First Post of 2023! Happy New Year!

 And here we are! A new year, 2023! My 2022 ended on a pleasant note. 

For months I've been battling a deadly fatigue. In November, on a return trip from Ohio to visit my son and family, I fell asleep at the wheel. I woke before disaster struck, but it terrified me. I didn't understand why I was so tired. On my trip there, I was so sleepyI could hardly stay awake but thought it was my allergy pill. It wasn't.

I kept thinking the sleepiness problem resulted from a new medication my doctor gave me and so kept moving meds around trying to find a solution. Nothing worked. When I say I was sleepy, I was falling asleep on my feet on some days. More than once I've had to tell my son, Mike, that I had to go to bed immediately and left the room. Once in bed, I pass out. So, after falling asleep at the wheel, I contacted my doctor. 

As of December, I knew I'd be going back to Ohio for a week and had to get to the bottom of it. I contacted my sleep apnea doctor, and they told me my "numbers" showed that my mask was leaking badly and since they recalled it, I needed to come in and get fitted for a new sleep mask. 

I did. After three days, I was no longer getting sleepy and was more alert. A trip to my Primary care doctors days later and she restructured my medication doses to night. Within a week, I felt amazing and could do things I could not do for months because I couldn't stay awake. I could even write the narrative for my church's Christmas program and record it so they could play it in the program. I couldn't believe the change.

December 26, I drove to Columbus, Ohio to spend a week there with Sarah, my granddaughter. We had a wonderful time visiting thrift stores, eating out, going to a movie and visiting the Conservatory there. She is amazing and such fun. It was like old times, when she lived with me. I didn't get to spend as much time with the rest of the family because they were in Florida on a vacation. (It's a long story, but Sarah was supposed to be somewhere else and it fell through and couldn't be added to the trip at the last minute. I was "babysitting".) 

When I drove home this past Tuesday, I left at 5 a.m. and the weather was horrendous. Pitch black and pouring rain. Traffic was difficult, but since it wasn't rush hour, not too bad. My biggest problem occurred because the lines on the highway were so worn I couldn't see them in the storm. Terrifying since there are no street lights on highways anymore. However, I took my time driving 60 mph. When I got to Cincinnati, traffic had worsened, but the rain was getting better and the sky lighter. I pulled off for breakfast around 7:30, just past Cincy. 

My next stop was about 80 miles from home. I stopped at Loves Truck Stop for a break and to get a drink. After that, I didn't stop again until I parked in my garage. It was around noon. 

The rest of this week has been a slower pace. I've cleaned a little each day. While I was away, Mike came and babysat my cats. I have three, in case you didn't know. He did a good job of keeping things tidy. However, dust and cat hair still rule when I'm not here. So, I've been cleaning one room at a time and washing rugs and vacuuming floors. Tomorrow, the living room and my bedroom are the last I have to do. 

So, here we are. A new year. I pray it will be a good one, but I hold little hope for the world. I trust in God to see me through. May He watch over you as well. 

May Update

May arrived with showers instead of flowers. I hate this weather. I have nothing noteworthy to mention and to repeat a litany of my aches and pains will bore you. I'll spare you this month.

Plans for May:

•     Get back to the gym.
•     A trip to St. Louis Zoo may happen as well. Madi is coming to see me and we may run over there. 
•     Go South for a few days at least, maybe to Atlanta and then to the Gulf. 

Fingers crossed on that last one. I need some sun and some warm weather. I could also use some warm sand against my feet. 

I'm fairly disgusted with all my writing attempts. I've been unwell for most of 2020, and the start of 2021 does not bode well. I'm so tired of being sick, tired, and in pain. Bad enough to feel bad but the exhaustion that comes with autoimmune disease is simply miserable and hard to bear.

Mike has started his third week of employment with Amazon. I'm so proud of him for stepping out and doing this. If you have read this blog, you know he has some medical issues and some learning issues that make it hard for him to employ. And finding employers willing to work with his hearing problems and learning problems is very difficult. They usually just fire him rather than trying to work with his situation. This driving job seems to be designed for him. Prayers for him in this job. 

Sarah is in Ohio. I no longer get to see her unless I go there, but they have no place for us to stay and I can't afford hotel rooms. I get messages from her now and then, but that's all. I'm trying to ignore the intense pain it causes me. I thought it would be different that when she was in Arkansas, but it isn't. 

I have been doing the housework better. I found a video on YouTube that showed me an exercise for my lower back that really seems to help. It isn't a cure, but it helps lessen the pain. It also clarified for me, where the pain is located. My SI joints seem to be the problem =  sacroiliac joints.

I'm trying to watch my diet again. I lost 20 lbs last year before Covid lockdown. I gained it back plus. Going barefoot aggravated my plantar fascitis, so I now have to wear shoes constantly. But I can walk again. Another good reason to get back to the gym. 

For several months, I've been cleaning out rooms and closets, but I haven't gotten rid of nearly enough junk. I'm considering storming a room at a time and emptying it and then putting only necessary items back in it. I'll put everything in boxes and then decide what goes to charity or the dump. It would make it easier in the event I actually decide to sell the house. I keep thinking it is the best solution now. I have nothing left to hold me here.

That's May in a nutshell, I think. I am trying harder to come in and update this blog regularly. It seems I've lost my desire to write much of anything. I find life more pain than not and no one wants to be bombarded with reports of that all the time. 

If you're still a reader of this blog, thank you. And I'm sorry if you get tired of my whining. We all want to be heard, especially when we're in pain. When I look back over this blog, I see there has been a lot of pain. And loss. And I'm no hero. 

Have a good week and be blessed. While you're at it, bless someone else.

In With a Fizzle

  2021 rolled in with a razzberry. I'm not impressed at this point. I hope your New Year started well.

I've actually done a lot this week. On Monday, I vacuumed the den and living room, washed three loads of laundry and put it away, made my bed, and cleaned cat boxes. I straightened up things that were a bit disarrayed with Mike staying here last week. He kept things neat and cleaned up after himself well.

Tuesday, I was pretty much a couch potato. The Monday marathon took its toll and sapped my energy. Today, a beautiful but cold Wednesday, I'm even more tired and I have some stomach issues. I always have the stomach issue for a couple of days after I take my Humira shots. I took it Monday so it is par for the course. I should be fine tomorrow. 

I have to pick up a few groceries today or tomorrow. Honestly, I get so tired of preparing food! You'd think I'd lose weight. But I enjoy eating. 

This week, I'm considering setting up a plan for myself. I get so little accomplished and my mind is so disorganized, I can't seem to focus on things. Perhaps if I create a plan, I can stick to it and see some progress. 

Won't be today. I've been so tired all day and did nothing at all up to this point. I have to go get Mike soon, so he can go to the store for me. Another job I hate! 

The only positive I feel lately is that I'm reading my bible and doing my devotions more faithfully. I've had some really great blessings and felt much better about some things that were bothering me. 

This is short and I don't see where I complained as much, so I hope you don't find it boring. 

Have a wonderful week. I really need to work on making this more interesting. (And proof read.)

A Clean Sweep & A Crazy Week

Don't ask me what I did in the last week. I don't think I can repeat it all, even if I could remember. From Monday onward the whole week was a mad dash. I spend hours calling about appointments to get a sleep study set up for me and another appointment for Sarah, running around on errands, foraging, and trying to get the garage cleaned out. I did a couple of hours of writing in all that, not nearly what I wanted, but better than none.

The garage was Friday's project. I expected it to take about 4 hours. It took a full 6 hours not counting the hour and a half we took for lunch. But the end result is an extremely clean garage, shelving installed, every item put away and three bags of trash out by the curb. I still have to reorganize stuff in there. I have three boxes of "thingies" that have to be assessed, put in the appropriate container (trash or storage) and a couple of items that have to be disposed of just because they've been sitting there forever and I don't really need or have room for them.

The garage project took its toll. As we neared the end of the job, my feet began to hurt terribly and I could barely walk by 6 p.m. It only got worse. By Saturday morning, my hands, feet, and knees were swollen and my back, legs, and hips hurt. Today is marginally better.

As a result of all that, I didn't get any major things done yesterday. I did finish up the blue crochet blanket, which entailed weaving in the yarn ends back into the fabric. I decided to put a border on it and I expect to finish that in a couple of days if my hands function appropriately. Then, I will try to get that mailed this week. It is a baby gift and will be big enough to use as a crib blanket. The yarn is amazingly soft. I used I Love This Yarn, from Hobby Lobby. It took 5 skeins and about two months to finish, with everything else I have going.

Now I can get back to the other afghan I'm working on. I had to lay it aside to finish the blue because of the baby due date. I also want to start a new sweater for Sarah. She needs one for days when it is too warm for a coat but not warm enough for just a shirt. She's outgrown everything I made previous. I just bought long sleeved tops this past week for her, about 9 of them. She still needs skirts. I am going to try and make her a bunch of the frilly western style she seems to favor. I need to find some old jeans her size to use for the yoke and put fabric on the bottom. She loves those.

I'm working on my short stories for the Anthology and that is not getting enough attention. While doing that, I got a glimmer of an idea for NaNo, which as you all know, begins on November 1. The kickoff is Saturday afternoon. I just hope NaNo is productive. I so want to work on some other writing projects.

The photo at the top left is of a birthday card my friend Jilly, in England, sent me. She makes them and it is simply beautiful work. It is a nice surprise to know she was thinking of me. It will be a lonely day since I don't get to celebrate anymore. My birthday isn't until the 28th, but it will be nice to look up and see the card in my work area.

Mike remembered my birthday was coming, too. He bought me a Chromecast and gave it to me early, helping me set it up. I'd been talking about buying one because the current streamer I have is just very limited. With the Chromecast, I have all the media I could want and then some. I still don't have cable and don't need it. I have to say, when Mike has the money, he puts a lot of thought into gifts for me. I always like what he gets me.

 So, there you have a summary of my crazy week. I'm going to make a pot of chilli and chill with a book I think. I'm still so tired I can hardly sit here. Sue is coming tomorrow to clean my house. I'm just too sore and tired to bother. I'm hoping to get the whole place spick and span. Maybe for my birthday, I'll have a nice clean house and the pain will have gone by then.

Is Anyone Watching?

Today is a work holiday for me and I've spent all morning doing virtually nothing. I swept bathrooms, hallway and kitchen. I'll vacuum the rugs soon. I also cleaned toilets. But that's it.

No one noticed my efforts but Sarah, my 6 year old granddaughter. She's been with me for the weekend. She asked me why I was sweeping floors and cleaning the toilets. Sarah's a bit messy for a 6 year old so maybe she didn't understand the need... or health concerns.

I find it odd that she didn't notice the toilet was very dirty but she did notice last night that her dad left the sink dirty. I took a Clorox (c) wipe and quickly cleaned that up. She said, "You shouldn't be cleaning up after him." I just looked at her and thought carefully about my response. One side of my brain wanted to agree with her. Thankfully, the more intelligent side responded. "Well, he's paying rent and helps with other things. That's how people are supposed to do it. They work together." I know for a fact that this was a bone of contention before her parents' divorce in Sarah's home with her non-working Mom and working Dad. I've heard it more than once. Obviously, Sarah did, too.

Does anyone but me see the dirty toilet and sink? Did anyone but me notice the floors needed sweeping? Probably not since no one comes to my home but my family. My sons are blind to dirt. Really. Probably because they never saw it growing up. I was a stay at home mom for about 15 years. I noticed but the male contingent never saw a dirty house. Would I have noticed had it been someone else's home? Um... I'd have noticed that toilet, let me tell you, but it took me days before I noticed it last night. I think I would have noticed the sink, too. So, yes, I think, if a stranger had come to my home, they'd have noticed.

For me that's the problem. I'm overly sensitive to all this stuff. I see all the details of a messy house and it completely disrupts my ability to cope. I think everyone could see it. I know everyone would see it. So, it needs to be dealt with and disposed of quickly. Sometimes, though, I look past obvious things.

I didn't see what a six year old noticed. She didn't really see the dirt in the sink but she noticed a female household member cleaning up after a male household member. She immediately parroted a response with which I happen to disagree. It is a response based on twisted relationships. I have a problem with that kind of mentality. If there's a mess and you see it, you don't leave it for someone else, no matter who made the mess. Should people clean up their own mess? Yes. But in real life they often don't. I've had people clean up messes I made. If I see trash in the floor at my office, I simply bend down and pick it up. I didn't drop it. There are 12 other people there who could have but ignoring it won't make it go away. We work together. I am sure someone in that office has picked up my mess. In fact, I know it.

Is anyone watching? I think so. It is why I hate the house getting dirty. I'm tired a lot when I get home so cleaning lives up to the word "chore" for me. It is difficult for me to do more than 4 hours of housework. But I do it. Now there's two of us but actually, David is only mildly messy. His problem is in the follow up.

It is hard to live with someone else after years alone. I've talked to David about various things I'd like him to do, for himself and for me. He may or may not do them. I work to not get annoyed because the reality is, he hasn't got anywhere else to go. We discuss it and he tries a bit harder but he's not there yet. Surprising since he is pretty OCD and used to have the cleanest room in the house. What happened to him, I wonder? And then I listen to Sarah give orders to her father as if he were her servant rather than her parent. Where did she learn that behavior? What kind of relationship is it that demands all from one and none from the one demanding?

Sarah was playing with a couple dolls not too long ago and was heard to say, "My friends matter more and if you don't like it you can leave." Maybe when you become invisible, you don't notice the dirt.

I mean, is anyone really watching? Yes, they are.