Snowfall 2026

 

At the last measurement, around 9 a.m. We had 6.5 inches. It is still snowing and is 13 degrees. The city has mostly shut down. No church, and I'm guessing most stores are not open. 

I hate the snow. I used to love it. But 2009 did several irreversible things. One was to take the best thing that ever happened to me. The other was to remove any fondness for snow I possessed. I have photos from that event of me playing in the snow with my two yr old Sarah. It started as a beautiful day and ended in a frozen hell. 

So, I'm not enjoying anything about this day. 

I dealt with memories yesterday. I'm not glad to be doing it again today. Let's just say that the last few months have been a deluge of memories that I would rather not have remembered.  

Why I've been having this onslaught of memories is anyone's guess. Most of them, I haven't considered in years. And I mean more than a decade. The only thing I can think is that it's a cleansing. I hope that is what it is because otherwise I probably need some help. 

Cleansing happens, well, in my opinion. That's when things just pop up and you're forced to deal with them. As Christians, we're taught to get any negative emotions out of our life, and that means out of our heart. That's where we carry the garbage. If any exist. If you pray about this, the first thing you're going to notice is that stuff surfaces you didn't expect. Memories of events you forgot about. Feelings you didn't know you had about a person. Attitudes that you thought you'd conquered. 

Laugh if you want, but it's true. 

Start praying over any potential anger issues you may harbor. I'd say in a week, you will have lost your temper over so many things you won't know what hit you. Everything will annoy you, frustrate you, and irritate you like sandpaper. You will have to deal with every level of anger you are carrying. Mild irritation, mid-level annoyance, and vicious anger. Keep notes so you can track it.

Try lust. If you have a problem with that and start praying for it to be removed, you're going to get hit with the biggest, most disgusting things you can imagine. 

Keep in mind that every bit of that stuff is inside you. It's like a boil erupting and spilling out poison. That's what you want it to do. Don't stuff it back down; deal with it. Because pushing it back only makes it worse. 

I think that's what's happening to me. I've been hit with so many things in the last 6 months I can't keep up. Painful stuff that I can't forget or solve. All tied to who I am. 

What's that even about? 

And that anger? Yeah, it's at radioactive levels. At so many people, situations, and events. There's a ton. Sometimes I'm fine, but other times it boils over, and if I were a really nasty person, I would have slayed a dozen folks with my tongue by now. And some of them are already dead. 

I'm a mess and can't get it under control. 

To top it off, I keep running into to people who make it worse. Really nice pieces of work that make me want to bite nails. Or punch them in the nose... no... take a board to them. 

How long can this last? 

I'll let you know. 

Light

 Tuesday arrived quickly. December 2nd. I can't believe we're here. 

Today is another good day. I can't tell you why. It has just been one of those days that roll in and surprise you with things you didn't think you deserved. 

We had a bit of snow overnight. I went to lunch at Firehouse, my new favorite place. One sandwich and I'm done for the day. And it is so good. The girls behind the counter have become pals. It's nice to go to a place and have a person smile at you and you know they're glad to see you. They told me I was their favorite customer, recently. They're my favorite sandwich girls.

A friend called me and talked for a while, and that was a lovely respite from what would have been a boring day.

No writing today, well — that's not actually true. I wrote something on the writing blog and this, of course. You'll have to go see it if you're interested. 

I blog little about grief here anymore, except at this time of year. I think I posted something recently. I will not do that this year. At least, I'm going to try not to do that. I have several years of grief post from January 30th, 2009, through maybe the next six years. There are random posts throughout the blog for more years. 

This year, I want to end it. I want it to stop. I had a difficult week in mid-November. It was as if it had happened yesterday and I couldn't cope with it. I literally fell apart several times. 

 In the last couple of weeks, I realized I want that to end. I want to stop feeling the hurt. I want to stop hearing that ring rake along the headboard. I don't want to see his eyes anymore. I don't want to experience a silence so great that it feels like I'm dead. 

At some point during this last month, I figured out I want life. And I've not been living life for 17 years. I stopped laughing. I stopped singing. I stopped seeing the world around me. In November, the walls closed in, and I was suffocating. It made me lose myself again in the dark.

Then, someone made me laugh, genuine laughter. And a light came on.  

Snow Days, Slow Days

Another snowy weekend began sometime before dawn this morning. The city was already blanketed from last week's snow and ice. Trees and power lines were down all over the county and surrounding counties. Sources reported 60,000 Center Point customers were without power. The city population is just over 100,000 people.

Yesterday, the power company notified us they had finally restored power to everyone. It's taken the whole week and assistance from a number of outside sources to get it all back on. I am so thankful that I didn't lose power and neither did my sons. God is so good to me. 

 I've been extremely lazy for weeks now. I've been running around taking people to appointments, going to my own appointments, and trying to stay on top of the housework. Although, I use the one at a time method for cleaning. I clean one room and if I can, I move to the next. If not, it has to wait on my back pain to decline. I've been taking care of the cats. Lately, that's been difficult. With Sarah moved out, things are more difficult. She did help with several difficult chores, mopping, cleaning the bathrooms, and vacuuming. Those are then things that really hit me hard. 

 David got his apartment and moved out last weekend also. So the house is very quite. Not since Jerry died has the house felt so void. I'm ok but there seem to be moments when it is overwhelming. I have no outside contact other than my family and I've not been doing Facebook much, so things have been ... difficult. 

I've given up on people for the most part. My experiences have given me some interesting insights on Biblical teachings. We Christians are in for some rude shocks, I think. Mama liked the scripture that says, "The little foxes spoil the vine." I believe it is in Judges because it was said in the story of Sampson. The little foxes will be our downfall. 

Depressing when you think about it. You live this "Godly, Holy, dedicated life" and a little fox devours your efforts. Neglect of the small things is a serious thing. I pray that I don't neglect the small things, that I trap the little foxes and be more attuned to the needs of other people. 

 I'm so disorganized that I begin to think I need some ADHD medication. I am all over the place and have been for a long time. It is the time of year again when Jerry's death is nearly a daily memory. The weather doesn't help that. One cold, snowy day the world turned over and everything fell out of place. I've never been able to restore order to my life or mind. Frustration doesn't begin to describe it. I'm about to pull the vacuum out and try to get the den cleaned. I need to dust so bad. 

I needed to sleep longer today but for some reason the universe demands I be out of bed by 8 a.m. and it has contracted with my cat to ensure that I comply. Also, I believe Mike is also on the payroll. If Jet doesn't succeed, Mike will. I'm very tired and need to go back to sleep for about 4 hours. Please have a safe and warm weekend.

A Level Field: For Now

Today was an average day. Pain levels were down, except my knees. Depression lessened. No agitation or frustration to speak of. I wasn't ecstatic, but I wasn't mad either. Like I said, an average day. 

We went to church, getting there about 15 minutes late. I don't know why; I think I was trying to get a jacket that wasn't covered in cat hair. Or maybe I took too long on my teeth. Whatever, we got there.

Service was good. Teaching/Preaching was good. Worship service was good. My neighbors were friendly, and the babies were adorable. (There are about three new babies around me.)

I tried to write the last couple of days but I keep getting so sleepy. It's very frustrating when that happens. I can't stop it or correct it because I do not know what is causing it. So, I just walk away. And lie down.

And of course, at this point in the writing, everything sucks. I don't know why that happens either. For a week, I thought it was great. Today I don't want to look at it, let alone read that drivel.  

Tonight, I watched funny videos and shared them on Facebook. I laughed so much but I feel better. 

Jet is sitting next to me on my desk, in the bed I put there for him. When he gets in it, he's much less annoying. I try to remember to pet him now and then, so he gets the attention he craves. At the moment, he's making biscuits. He only does that in this bed. Very weird.

The house is colder because I'm keeping my heat down lower. The utility bills are simply insane here and they want to increase them. I don't know how they think people will keep the power on. My utilities are now about what my house payment is. I feel for folks who are paying more for their house and have even larger bills. 

I'm getting ready to go to bed for the night. I may shut the cats out. They keep waking me up early and I'm not resting well. They seem to think they can't finish their breakfast without me in the kitchen. Jet has begun messing with my water container, which has a lid on it. He knocked over the lamp when I swatted at him about the water. It is a glass lamp, but he didn't break it. I was still angry with him because it was 7:30 and I didn't want to get up. So, I'll probably lock them out tonight. I really hate to do that to them.

Oh yeah, we had snow this weekend. I got up on Saturday morning and opened the kitchen curtains and was shocked to see several inches of snow. As of today, the snow was gone. We may get more in a few days, but for it to stick around, the ground has to freeze. 

I still haven't finished my handbag project! Will work tomorrow on it. I hope.

For now, I'll get off here and turn in for the night. I hope