Snowfall 2026

 

At the last measurement, around 9 a.m. We had 6.5 inches. It is still snowing and is 13 degrees. The city has mostly shut down. No church, and I'm guessing most stores are not open. 

I hate the snow. I used to love it. But 2009 did several irreversible things. One was to take the best thing that ever happened to me. The other was to remove any fondness for snow I possessed. I have photos from that event of me playing in the snow with my two yr old Sarah. It started as a beautiful day and ended in a frozen hell. 

So, I'm not enjoying anything about this day. 

I dealt with memories yesterday. I'm not glad to be doing it again today. Let's just say that the last few months have been a deluge of memories that I would rather not have remembered.  

Why I've been having this onslaught of memories is anyone's guess. Most of them, I haven't considered in years. And I mean more than a decade. The only thing I can think is that it's a cleansing. I hope that is what it is because otherwise I probably need some help. 

Cleansing happens, well, in my opinion. That's when things just pop up and you're forced to deal with them. As Christians, we're taught to get any negative emotions out of our life, and that means out of our heart. That's where we carry the garbage. If any exist. If you pray about this, the first thing you're going to notice is that stuff surfaces you didn't expect. Memories of events you forgot about. Feelings you didn't know you had about a person. Attitudes that you thought you'd conquered. 

Laugh if you want, but it's true. 

Start praying over any potential anger issues you may harbor. I'd say in a week, you will have lost your temper over so many things you won't know what hit you. Everything will annoy you, frustrate you, and irritate you like sandpaper. You will have to deal with every level of anger you are carrying. Mild irritation, mid-level annoyance, and vicious anger. Keep notes so you can track it.

Try lust. If you have a problem with that and start praying for it to be removed, you're going to get hit with the biggest, most disgusting things you can imagine. 

Keep in mind that every bit of that stuff is inside you. It's like a boil erupting and spilling out poison. That's what you want it to do. Don't stuff it back down; deal with it. Because pushing it back only makes it worse. 

I think that's what's happening to me. I've been hit with so many things in the last 6 months I can't keep up. Painful stuff that I can't forget or solve. All tied to who I am. 

What's that even about? 

And that anger? Yeah, it's at radioactive levels. At so many people, situations, and events. There's a ton. Sometimes I'm fine, but other times it boils over, and if I were a really nasty person, I would have slayed a dozen folks with my tongue by now. And some of them are already dead. 

I'm a mess and can't get it under control. 

To top it off, I keep running into to people who make it worse. Really nice pieces of work that make me want to bite nails. Or punch them in the nose... no... take a board to them. 

How long can this last? 

I'll let you know. 

Answers on a Cup

 For over two decades, I've lived in almost constant pain. Real, I can't move pain for over 20 yrs. It went from bad to worse. And some days, I tell God how very tired of it I am. I just want it to stop.

 It doesn't, and neither do I. 

I enjoy being here, but I hate being here on days when so much fog clouds my brain that I can't think, write, or wash dishes. Days when I can't hold my hairbrush, walk without feeling like there's gravel in my feet, bend my knees, or simply sit in a chair on pelvic bones that feel like they've been hammered. And then there's the nerve damage in my arm and the carpal tunnel in both hands. 

On those days, I'm not happy. I'm not mildly annoyed either. No. I'm so angry I could punch walls or scream. One would hurt me and the other would get me arrested.  I also want that annoying person to experience what I'm feeling so I can give them the same treatment I'm getting. 

So, I'm furious on those days and avoid contact with as many as I can, even my family. Being nice is the most difficult thing in the world on those days when pain is using a stone to pound me into the ground. 

Add all that to my family that experienced their own pain. For example, Mike had a kidney stone and then a stroke. Phyllis has her foot in a boot from a near amputation, and David was laid off (he got another job). All that happened in the last 60 days. 

We all got problems, right? 

But today, the pain is less. The sun is shining. And for the moment, the world has not intruded on my psyche. So, for today, as the cup says, I'll just be happy and hope tomorrow is the same. 

What am I saying! I hope the next two hours are the same! 

May your day be pain free. However, I am available to listen if you wish to rant, cry, or whine. Because we should never walk away from someone else's pain.  

 

It Fell

 

On Tuesday it fell. The axe mentioned in the previous post fell on Tuesday. The plug of my freezer, by some mysterious means, became free of it's electrical outlet and I lost an entire freezer of food. Ribs, pork chops, pork roast, chicken, 8 lbs of hamburger, several packages of fish, lots of frozen vegetables, some breakfast items, and frozen dinners. A full upright freezer of food gone. It was more than a month of meals. 

The bright side, if you can call it that, is that I could save the freezer. The weather has kept my garage a steady 100°. It probably took a couple of hours or less once the plug came free. The outlet is next to my garage door that leads into the house. It is possible we bumped the plug when some of us came in and pulled it free. We do not know how or when. I suspect it was without a couple of hours of my finding it since the garage was so heated. Whatever, we just know we lost $300-400 worth of food. 

In the mass confusion, I lost my key fob to the car. I panicked because that would be another $300-400. That sent me over the edge. I was afraid I had put it in the bags of food to throw away. So, had to unload all that bleeding meat and vegetables and check two bags. Couldn't find it. That meant at some point I had laid it down. I checked the house, the car, the garage, and no key.  The bags were to be moved but were heavy, and I could only manage a few inches. I looked down and on the floor lay my key fob. Why did I drop it? When did I drop it? I have no memory of the events at all.

I called Mike, and he agreed to come help me load the bags into the trunk of my car to take and dump it. 

Eventually, I calmed down, at least to a simmer. There is nothing I could do. I can't explain the how. I wish I knew the why. It's become exhausting to have a disaster of some sort happen every month. Every stinking month. For over a year now, I've had this kind of thing going on. I'm feeling as if Job may have been my father. 

My take away is that premonitions are real. And they are totally useless to prepare you. Their only value is to further stress you out once you know they're real. Here's the deal. I don't want to know the future, particularly if I can't affect a change on the negative aspects of it. It isn't a gift to know things. It is a curse.

Life On The Ledge: Sometimes It's Crazy

Life happens here on the ledge and I'm sure, in that valley down below. On the ledge you constantly feel at any moment you could fall over the edge. 

Sarah's mom is moving back to town, and she is going to court to regain custody of Sarah. Sarah doesn't want to live with her dad anymore. Dad is my son. I really love my sons and I've hoped and prayed for them both all their lives. The situation is very sad now. He blames me for her mother trying to take her. In fact, "I planned and plotted this". I actually didn't, but I did not to interfere. I'd been seeing things I had concerns about and prayed for God to take steps. I had nothing to do with her mom's decision. He's not let her mother see Sarah for two years. So, I suppose if someone tried to prevent me from seeing my child, I'd take steps too. 

Wrong is wrong, even when it is my own. 

I've talked to Sarah, and she hates living with him. She loves her dad, but the wives became a problem for her. Sarah is not perfect and has difficulties. They knew she has problems, that she was in counseling for them, and on medication. That all stopped when she left here. She's placed on meds that weren't good for her, taken off meds that were, seeing a counselor who was besties with her then step mom. So, no chance of non-biased help. Then she kicked them to the curb, because she couldn't cope with Sarah's problems. Six months later new wife, new state, a new set of problems. Sarah, again taken off her ADD meds, given anti-depressants, taken off the vitamins she took, gained 15 lbs at least, is having periods lasting months but is told this is normal. No, it is not normal, and all this suggests a metabolic disorder that runs in the family. Yes, I've told EVERYONE. I know nothing, apparently.

We traveled to watch her baptized. She begged her dad to let her come visit (after her mom and my sister asked and were told no). He deigned to give her 3 days. They sent her home in hand-me-downs with one bra and two pair of underwear and flip-flops. Despite our sending her new dresses (they threw or gave away those because the new step doesn't like my style). 

Once in the car Sarah said, "I'm not going back there ever." We were dumfounded. And horrified by her demeanor. However, she's in tears and angrier than any kid I've ever seen. For weeks now, we've worked with her. She's on Ashwagandha for the hormonal problems and back on her vitamins. We can't get her in school because the school was told we kidnapped her. Not sure who spread that around. It isn't true. Her mother and dad share joint custody. 

We didn't think they would allow her to come here because they denied every request made. She simply refused to go back. The police said they can't force her to go back either. So, we have honored her wishes. However, her mom can't get health care for her right now because she is on a plan there and they're not taking her off. She goes to court on the 19th to request custody changes. After reviewing the State guidelines governing this case, I suspect it won't be a problem. In fact, according to the guidelines, he is in contempt of court. I'm disappointed in him because he wants to be a police officer. But if you can't obey the laws, you have no business trying to enforce them.

As for Sarah, after a week of the Ashwagandha and a trip to the gym, she seems to be better mood. I miss the smiling and laughing Sarah that I knew before she went away 2 yrs ago. She's lost that, but in the last two days, there is a glimpse of her. 

There is a list of things that went on that weekend, but I'm so glad we prayed before we arrived and that we prayed for our own tempers to remain calm and civil and be courteous. My family was slammed with personal attacks while we were there. Yet, everyone kept their cool and got through it. I'm not taking part in any further discussions or harangues from anyone about what happened. No one should make a child feel they count for nothing and that the parents' desires are paramount to the child's wellbeing. I don't care who they are. 

If you pray, pray for Sarah. She's what matters.