In With a Fizzle

  2021 rolled in with a razzberry. I'm not impressed at this point. I hope your New Year started well.

I've actually done a lot this week. On Monday, I vacuumed the den and living room, washed three loads of laundry and put it away, made my bed, and cleaned cat boxes. I straightened up things that were a bit disarrayed with Mike staying here last week. He kept things neat and cleaned up after himself well.

Tuesday, I was pretty much a couch potato. The Monday marathon took its toll and sapped my energy. Today, a beautiful but cold Wednesday, I'm even more tired and I have some stomach issues. I always have the stomach issue for a couple of days after I take my Humira shots. I took it Monday so it is par for the course. I should be fine tomorrow. 

I have to pick up a few groceries today or tomorrow. Honestly, I get so tired of preparing food! You'd think I'd lose weight. But I enjoy eating. 

This week, I'm considering setting up a plan for myself. I get so little accomplished and my mind is so disorganized, I can't seem to focus on things. Perhaps if I create a plan, I can stick to it and see some progress. 

Won't be today. I've been so tired all day and did nothing at all up to this point. I have to go get Mike soon, so he can go to the store for me. Another job I hate! 

The only positive I feel lately is that I'm reading my bible and doing my devotions more faithfully. I've had some really great blessings and felt much better about some things that were bothering me. 

This is short and I don't see where I complained as much, so I hope you don't find it boring. 

Have a wonderful week. I really need to work on making this more interesting. (And proof read.)

A Late Evening with the Dream Stealer

I'm headed off to bed but since I'm in a writing mood, I felt it only right that I post a short blog. Tonight was my online writers group and as usual it was entertaining. Such a nice group of friends I have and it is always fun.

However, I've been setting goals for myself the last several weeks. I spent a lot of time actually putting them down on paper, a calendar. I have to update it every weekend but that is actually helpful. Anyway, since today is Monday and I've finally reached a place where I think I've talked about it enough and filled in my calendar with my goals. I should start today.

May I have a drum roll please? Wait... maybe some soft music to set the mood. Something that builds up to the drum roll.

Where was I? Oh, the writing group closed slightly early for the evening; 8:30 is our usual time but tonight it was closer to 8:15. I did a few things, got a drink, and I sat down at my computer and opened Scrivener. I marked my time on my calender. It was 9 pm. I opened The Dream Stealer. Simon stepped off the pages and into my head.

The thing is a real mess as a result of writing in scenes. My usual method of writing is from point A to point Z. This works really well. The Dream Stealer began that way but in a stupid attempt to fill in holes, I wrote 50,000+ words in scenes out of sequence for NaNo in 2011. This is not a good way to write. It is really insane. I have a surplus of scenes that seem to belong nowhere. Maybe the next book? Hah! I have to finish this one. I have enough words to finish it but as I organize and structure the scenes I find there are still places that are all wrong. So, do I start over? I began to think I must. But there are some good scenes, a lot of them. I may not know a lot but I know when the writing is good.

Anyway, I stopped at 12:00 midnight mainly because my brain couldn't take anymore but also because I actually need sleep. Besides, sleep is where he's does his best work, I hear. Dreams are not safe from the Dream Stealer.

Transitions

I've had a strange month, I think. It is one of those times when life seems to be transitioning in some intangible way. As the word implies, I can't put my finger on it. I've had a lot more pain lately and I have been more tired than I was for a while. Frankly, I think the pain is the reason I tired easily. It wears on you.


No, this is something else. Something akin to  waking up in the morning and not knowing for a minute where you are or what time it is. I'm restless but not so much in a bad way. No, it is just annoying because it is so vague. For me, as a writer, it is even more frustrating because I can't put a name to it.


So I go with the flow and I keep looking for whatever it is.


I'm thinking I need to get away for a bit. I keep making plans that fall through just when I think they'll work this time. I've actually thought of calling a travel agent to see if it will help me. I have never had a situation where I could not plan a trip. Never. Military wives have to be ready to up and move whenever. You usually get a couple of months of warning but you have to be ready to relocate a whole house of items, children, yourself and your spouse, find a new house, arrange utilities, contact schools, and get everything put away as quickly as possible. You have to be organized. Life ceased to be organized for me three years ago. 


I've made attempts to restructure and reorganize things with some success but there are still places in my life where chaos reigns. Getting things done at home is one. I still have the gas company coming on Wednesday sometime to change out the meter. If I haven't explained that here, I won't go into it but let's say it has been a real pain. 


Vacations are probably the biggest issue for me. I always loved it when we could get away for a bit and do something fun. I still want that but it isn't much fun and planning it is nearly beyond me. That makes no sense at all to me. I've moved hundreds of times. Yes, really. I've done two overseas moves, and five interstate moves. That is not counting all the moves within the cities where I lived. Planning a two week vacation should not be an obstacle. Planning a one week vacation shouldn't either. But it is so hard.


My plan last year to go to England was crushed by an auto accident. Financially, I'm still a bit strapped but I was going to take the plunge this year. Then they started going on about the layoffs. My inclination was go anyway. It still is. But my logical, prudent side says wait to see who is gets laid off. It makes sense. If it isn't me I'll have a better financial standing. If it is, well, I'm going to need all the extra cash I can get. So, that plan is on hold for a bit. Not eliminated, just on hold. I figure things happen in their time.


However, I can't keep going without a break. I need a vacation. I need a week in the sun where it is warm and the air smells of salt. So, my plan is to take a week but I really would like to know where I stand job wise before I do that. All this requires patience and that is the one virtue that I've been eternally short of. 


Other things are changing as well. I'm excited by some changes. Such as the group of girls I've met through NaNo who have become writing buddies. We've been meeting online as a group to talk writing. We've done this twice using the G+ Hangout feature. It was really great to "meet" these women and to talk about something I love. As my other writing group is going through some changes and becoming less focused on writing, I am finding the online group a welcome addition. 


The obvious transitions are challenging but it is still this underlying feeling of things changing and morphing into something I don't recognize where I seem to be having the the most difficulty. I get impatient with it but it isn't something I can rush. I'll just have to wait and see.