Remembering The Rules

Today I was reading a set of penalties posted on Facebook for parents to use with their kids. It focused on doing good things to earn points to revoke grounding. It was a brilliant idea. It reminded me of the set of "rules" we posted on our refrigerator for our sons when they were teenagers. When they got in trouble they had to read them and specifically focus on the item that applied to their situation. It was posted on the fridge for years and I remember when they finally moved out, I took it down and the paper was all stiff and the ink faded but it was still legible.

As I read over them again today it reminded me that I wasn't a terrible parent. I did do some things right and now, years after I wrote and posted these rules, I can look at my sons and realize that despite their flaws, we didn't do a terrible job. If I compare the positive with the negative I can see that something got through to them. I see caring and compassion men who show respect for others, well, most of the time. No one is perfect here. They love their country and respect its laws and as far as possible, its leaders. They believe in the rights of others and when those rights are infringed, they are incensed. They recognize the dangers of tyranny and want to fix it. 

They love God. This has always been so important to us. We saw how the world was failing and we feared that they would stray far away from their faith and never find their way back. And they did stray but we also watched, with great fear, as they struggled to return to that faith and to reinstate the values we tried to instil in them. We often feared the struggle would end in failure. Their dad is dead now but I know, were he alive, he'd feel so relieved at some of the changes in his sons. He'd be so proud of them.

I am blessed with good boys. There are things I'd change if I could but they became who they are because of who we were and how we raised them. And if there is something I don't understand about them or can't accept, I have to deal with that.  As adults, it is up to them to fine tune their character if it needs it. I hope we gave them the tools to do that. Reading those rules and seeing the results of our work, I think we might have done. I hope so.

Rules of Respect

1. Show courtesy to everyone. Please, Thank you, Sir, M’am, You’re welcome, and excuse me, are all keys that open doors. Everyone likes respect. You get what you give.
2. Ask first. Do not take something that is not yours. If you “borrow” without asking, it is stealing. Get permission
3. Wait your turn. Do not interrupt others when they are talking. Or, if you are not part of the conversation and need to speak to someone, “excuse me” is an appropriate way to get their attention if you have waited for several minutes.
4. Know who’s in charge. If you see a need or problem, do not give orders – find the person in charge and politely mention the problem. If you have not been put specifically in charge, allow the person in charge to give the orders.
5. Refuse to argue. Ask if you can quietly discuss the problem. The Bible says “a soft answer turneth away wrath.” Usually, it is hard to yell at someone who won’t yell back. After a while they get tired. Remember, sometimes it doesn’t work, especially if you have wrecked the car or broken curfew.
6. Allow the other person to be right. No one is right all the time but neither are they always wrong. YOU could be wrong. It is more embarrassing to loudly declare you’re right and be proven wrong than it is to keep your mouth shut and let others loudly declare when you are right.
7. Offer help. If someone is ill, physically unable to do a chore, or simply needs an extra pair of hands, offer to help. Do not wait to be asked. Offer kindly. If your help is refused, say nothing and allow them to do it themselves. If asked -- give your help to the best of your ability.
8. Respect other’s privacy. Do not ask questions about someone’s personal life unless it will affect you personally. For example: You do not need to know about someone’s sex life unless you plan to have sex with them. Do not tell secrets you have been told unless there is a danger involved or a crime. Do not listen in on others’ conversations uninvited. Do not tell something you have overheard in a private conversation. Would you want someone to tell your secrets?
9. Do unto others. If you want kindness, give it. If you want love, give it. If you want help, give it. If you want friendship, give it. If you want understanding, give it. If you want fairness, give it. If you want truth, give it. If you want joy, give it. If you want peace, give it. If you don’t want any of this, do nothing and you’ll get nothing.
10. Overlook the jerks. There will ALWAYS be someone who defies all of the above. And because of it, no matter what you do, it will never be enough or it will always be wrong – to them. Walk away and smile. If you have done your best and followed the rules, you have won anyway. Always, always, always let them go before you. When the axe falls, it will be their head that rolls.

You have been taught a set of values. If you choose to abandon these, we will not avert the consequences of your actions. If you get arrested, we will not bail you out; if you catch a disease, we cannot cure you or even get expensive medical care. Adult behavior requires adult responsibility. You are on your own when you set your own values and rules of behavior. If they conflict with our moral code, you must move out and support yourselves. We will still love you but we made our choices before you were born. We have not changed our minds since then and will not do so now. As a result, we may lose you but if we give in, not only will we lose you but we will also lose ourselves.

The Sovereignty of God

Because I missed church his morning I decided to get back to a book of Bible studies my aunt gave me. I've started it a couple of times. I never get beyond a couple of pages before something would happen to distract me and I'd never get back to it.Today, I actually got to the fourth day's lesson. They're short lessons and I could have finished the whole thing but as usual something else got in the way. But I think it was a good thing.

The study is called Women of the Bible. The first lesson is about Eve. I found it really interesting but about half way into the second part, I noticed that I was getting something important and I figured I better get a pen and paper. Anytime this happens, I know to just let the writing flow and see what comes out of the pen. My notes initially are brief.

Defining God's purpose for Mankind, Creation, and Eve. The second chapter of Genesis clearly define it in three verses. 

God's Purpose for Mankind:
1.to be in God's image
2. to be fruitful and multiply
3 to have dominion over the earth and subdue it

God's Purpose for Creation:
1. To serve mankind
2. To provide sustenance for all life

God's Purpose for Eve:
1. Companionship - to combat loneliness and isolation
2. to share the burdens of life and help in the work of life

At this point I noted an interesting idea that never occurred to me but which I found critical in my own mind. God presented Eve to Adam. She didn't introduce herself. Adam didn't go looking for her. And they didn't need a dating site. God created her and respectfully introduced her to Adam who immediately fell in love with God's choice for him. He trusted God knew this person. Eve must have trusted that God would not introduce her to anyone that would treat her badly. They did nothing to find one another. God did it all. A match made in Heaven, indeed. 

I'm aware that you internet dating type will consider this erroneous and point out that God didn't have internet and the difficulties of a huge population of losers. This is true. That's why trusting God is more important than ever. Moving on.....

At this point in my study something changed. I became aware of another aspect to the story. Eve is more than just the story of the fall. It is the start to a battle that has never ended. Temptation rears it's ugly head and Adam and Eve end up homeless. Sounds like a plot for a really good NaNo novel. I won't use it this time but let me share what I learned.

As I wrote, I remembered the time in my life when I had my own conflict over God's sovereignty. 

The serpent was the most cunning creature on the planet. Once taken over by Lucifer he was literally the most intelligent being on the planet. He was and still is able to twist truth and create confusion with an unmatched finesse. He corrupts the mind and confuses thought. He transformed himself in the garden and based on both old and new testaments he has transformed himself as each age required. As knowledge of man increases, Satan must further transform himself into images that are easily acceptable to humans. 

Why? Because humans have an intrinsic ability to find God and an innate desire to do so. Their initial state was to walk with him every day. Buried deep in our psyche is the desire, no, the craving to return to that state. To walk with the Creator in the cool of the day is the ultimate human longing. Satan must constantly alter his tactics to overcome changing cultures and intellects to keep ahead of man's constant search for meaning, which is actually the search for God. Satan's ultimate goal is misdirection to alter man's course. He does this by challenging God's word on intellectual levels. If he can capture our minds, he can capture our souls.

Man is incapable of understanding the mind of God in its full scope. Satan plays on this by using our own intellect as a measure of God's. We are incapable of comprehending how much we don't know and therefore, we can't possibly be a valid measure of God's intelligence.

He creates doubt in what we hear and know. "Did God really say, "You must not eat from any tree in the garden?" Then, he restates the truth with minute changed to alter its meaning. "You will not certainly die."

Our vanity does the rest, convincing us "we've become as God". We open the door to false information, altered data & outright lies to be inserted into the mind. And we allow someone else to interpret it and tell us that what we heard is not what was meant or that it is a fallacy, or even that we didn't hear it at all. Satan uses misdirection, rephrasing God's statements. Eve was easily duped. Within moments he caused her to think differently about God and his instructions. 

He has caused her to:

1. Doubt God's word

2. Doubt God's motives

3. Suggested that God is keeping good things from her. (By following her God she was actually hurting herself and missing out on something. The suggestion is that everything she needs she can find in herself.)

He never touches her but he immediately altered her thinking. Eve is no longer in control of her thoughts but is listening to a stranger rather than the being that she has been walking and talking with all her life. She never questions what the serpent is saying. She embraced it. 

Once we began to question God's sovereignty and power we are already at risk. Only a strong faith, secure grounding in the Word, and an ability to recognize these deceptions will sustain us. You almost have to be versed in the tactics of a CIA agent to navigate the maze that Satan creates.

The more we measure God by our own intellect, the more our minds will become susceptible to false information. Again, constant vigilance and grounding in the Word and persistent prayer for light and truth is the only defense. These are more powerful than any deception. I can't emphasize enough the need for light and truth. If you pray for nothing else, pray for spiritual light and all truth. 

At all times, even in the most doubt-filled, confused mind one must continue to acknowledge God as sovereign and holy. Regardless of any arguments that come to mind from any source. This must be the paramount response. God is Sovereign. God is Holy. To accept anything other than God's sovereignty will close the trap. We will be forced to chose. There is no middle of the road. Either God is God or he is not. Once we put our own or another's intellect above God's we will be assailed with doubt, confusion, and conflict. 

This internal conflict is the actual battle for the soul. In essence the soul is being ripped apart. When we make any attempt to reconcile our faith and re-install God as King and Priest the conflict will be physically felt. There's a war going on and it hurts.

Once we being to worship our intelligence, the trend it to drift further from God and His Word. The trend will be to accept the wisdom of the world over the wisdom of God. When intellect is brought into subjection, the trend is reversed and the soul is brought back to center. The conflict eases, but may never be resolved. These forces, once they've made inroads, will always be waiting to storm the gates. Anytime anything usurps God as sovereign we can't remain stable. This is the sin of Lucifer. He brought division and imbalance to the universe. The only thing that can give him peace is the total obliteration of any knowledge of God. 

Make no mistake, intellectual study is not a sin. We must be educated and we must examine things with which we do not agree. But we can't fear the things that challenge our faith. We also can't defend ourselves by running away. But we must never, ever put anything above God's sovereignty and his Word. In all things we must acknowledge God as King and Lord. 

Is Anyone Watching?

Today is a work holiday for me and I've spent all morning doing virtually nothing. I swept bathrooms, hallway and kitchen. I'll vacuum the rugs soon. I also cleaned toilets. But that's it.

No one noticed my efforts but Sarah, my 6 year old granddaughter. She's been with me for the weekend. She asked me why I was sweeping floors and cleaning the toilets. Sarah's a bit messy for a 6 year old so maybe she didn't understand the need... or health concerns.

I find it odd that she didn't notice the toilet was very dirty but she did notice last night that her dad left the sink dirty. I took a Clorox (c) wipe and quickly cleaned that up. She said, "You shouldn't be cleaning up after him." I just looked at her and thought carefully about my response. One side of my brain wanted to agree with her. Thankfully, the more intelligent side responded. "Well, he's paying rent and helps with other things. That's how people are supposed to do it. They work together." I know for a fact that this was a bone of contention before her parents' divorce in Sarah's home with her non-working Mom and working Dad. I've heard it more than once. Obviously, Sarah did, too.

Does anyone but me see the dirty toilet and sink? Did anyone but me notice the floors needed sweeping? Probably not since no one comes to my home but my family. My sons are blind to dirt. Really. Probably because they never saw it growing up. I was a stay at home mom for about 15 years. I noticed but the male contingent never saw a dirty house. Would I have noticed had it been someone else's home? Um... I'd have noticed that toilet, let me tell you, but it took me days before I noticed it last night. I think I would have noticed the sink, too. So, yes, I think, if a stranger had come to my home, they'd have noticed.

For me that's the problem. I'm overly sensitive to all this stuff. I see all the details of a messy house and it completely disrupts my ability to cope. I think everyone could see it. I know everyone would see it. So, it needs to be dealt with and disposed of quickly. Sometimes, though, I look past obvious things.

I didn't see what a six year old noticed. She didn't really see the dirt in the sink but she noticed a female household member cleaning up after a male household member. She immediately parroted a response with which I happen to disagree. It is a response based on twisted relationships. I have a problem with that kind of mentality. If there's a mess and you see it, you don't leave it for someone else, no matter who made the mess. Should people clean up their own mess? Yes. But in real life they often don't. I've had people clean up messes I made. If I see trash in the floor at my office, I simply bend down and pick it up. I didn't drop it. There are 12 other people there who could have but ignoring it won't make it go away. We work together. I am sure someone in that office has picked up my mess. In fact, I know it.

Is anyone watching? I think so. It is why I hate the house getting dirty. I'm tired a lot when I get home so cleaning lives up to the word "chore" for me. It is difficult for me to do more than 4 hours of housework. But I do it. Now there's two of us but actually, David is only mildly messy. His problem is in the follow up.

It is hard to live with someone else after years alone. I've talked to David about various things I'd like him to do, for himself and for me. He may or may not do them. I work to not get annoyed because the reality is, he hasn't got anywhere else to go. We discuss it and he tries a bit harder but he's not there yet. Surprising since he is pretty OCD and used to have the cleanest room in the house. What happened to him, I wonder? And then I listen to Sarah give orders to her father as if he were her servant rather than her parent. Where did she learn that behavior? What kind of relationship is it that demands all from one and none from the one demanding?

Sarah was playing with a couple dolls not too long ago and was heard to say, "My friends matter more and if you don't like it you can leave." Maybe when you become invisible, you don't notice the dirt.

I mean, is anyone really watching? Yes, they are.

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