Tuesday, February 10, 2009

An Empty House

I did not do well at work today. Around noon I just broke apart. I had to close my door and it was nearly half an hour before I recovered enough to finish the day.

I asked Mike to come over and be here when I got home so the house wouldn't seem so empty but before I ever got home I was sobbing so badly that I had to get control of myself so I could drive. Mike met me at the door and hug me and let me cry on his shoulder. Once I got back under control I took a hot shower and ate a pizza.

Over the weekend I had bought a lot of puzzles. I always loved doing them but have not in several years. My uncle likes them too and we spent several days working on puzzles. I realized it kept my mind occupied.So, I went and bought some. Tonight I tried putting together a puzzle my sister and uncle had started on Saturday. I have just cried for hours it seems and when I realized the puzzle had done all it could and I simply could no longer focus on it, I came to check my mail before going to bed.

I am simply exhausted. It is a tired I can't ever remember experiencing before. Every step is an effort, every thought a strain. Everyone keeps calling and checking on me and that is nice to know. I just don't know what to say. Are you all right? No. I exist.

Let me say all you that have stopped and expressed your concern and offered your prayers, I am so very grateful and I do read them. They have let me know that there are people praying and at the moment, I don't have much else going for me. So, thank you for both prayers and compassion. I wish I could hug you all.

I'm going to bed now. I just can't really think anymore tonight.

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