Tuesday, February 17, 2009

No Choices

My life is filled with them. They say we choose our lot in life. I can only remember one choice that was solely mine. Marrying Jerry, over protest from our families. Going to college in case I had to support us. Moving to this wasteland, the worst choice we ever made.

I don't remember any other choices I ever got to make. In fact, I could count the lack of choices and never reach the end. Things just were what they were and I had to deal with it. The latest is that I have to work. I don't have a choice in this. I can't survive at all if I don't. Jerry's income kept us afloat and gave us an ability to breath. Jerry's death has taken my ability to breath and the income that kept us afloat with it. I don't know what I'm going to do, or how I will manage. And for the first time in memory, I find that I don't actually care. It just doesn't matter much today.

I want to go home and sleep. I'm so tired. It's just noon and already I just want to sleep. I want to forget everything.

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