Thursday, February 26, 2009

Midnight Wonderings

I am on my way to bed and decided to stop and put a few thoughts here. I am to see the counselor tomorrow at three. I have to go to the bank, go to the funeral home, and I have brought work home to do over the weekend.

I took my medicine later tonight and I am really tired now and can hardly keep my eyes open. Dave and Mike were both here earlier tonight. Mike left around 9 and Dave around 10. It is strange and I don't know what to make of it but tonight is the first time things have felt "normal", whatever that means. Maybe taking the medicine later makes it work better.

I stayed at work until 6 to tie up loose ends and I was beginning to feel a bit stressed by then. I almost took the meds when I got home but I don't think I can handle another sleepless night and function. I was really dragging the last two days and felt very down at times.

I am not crying at the drop of a hate but I am analyzing things to death. Perhaps not a good choice of words. I'm getting lots of calls from family and friends and that is helping keep me focused on other things for a bit. But the constant analysis of all that happened to Jerry are hard to deal with. I keep trying to understand what happened, how I missed so much, why he didn't talk to me.

I'm going to bed now. My eyes are just too heavy. Maybe tomorrow will bring answers that I can understand.

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