Friday, February 27, 2009

Missing Pieces

I had a very odd day where nothing much got done. I was supposed to work on files and I had everything planned. I anticipated being ready for file work after noon.

I got up at 8 and I didn't want to but had to have lab work for my Monday doctor's appointment. I was supposed to have it on the 23rd but forgot. Can't imagine why. I didn't take medicine, eat or get my coffee because I wasn't sure if it was fasting or not and the order didn't say. I took the cautious side and didn't eat. I was there nearly an hour despite the fact that there were only two of us waiting for blood work. It was in the hospital out patient lab for heaven's sake.

Afterward, I stopped and got an OJ and a breakfast burrito from McDonald's and ate in the car. That took only another ten to twenty minutes. I like those and it cleared up the hunger pangs.

Then, I went to the funeral home and met with them about the bill. I paid the funeral expenses. I've never written a check that large and it was frightening. And the process was stressful, too. Somehow, this made it final and I knew that I had to get home and take my medicine. It was nearly 11 by then.

Once I got the meds I lay on the sofa and fell asleep and slept until two p.m.! I woke up and still felt tired and had a headache, which I still have. But my counseling appointment was at three so I got my coat and left for that.

I don't actually know what happened at that session. I'm sure it was profound but I simply feel defeated. I'm searching for missing pieces to my puzzle, remember. I'm stressed because I want the whole picture but the missing pieces are preventing it. After searching the room, I suspect my puzzle had a piece missing all along. It is rare but it has happened. I can package the puzzle in the box and take it back to the store and exchange it for one that has all the parts. But I want to find the missing piece.

I will never find the missing piece to the puzzle on my coffee table. I've searched everywhere. Three or four times. It simply isn't here.

I want Jerry home. I want to know what happened. I want to know why I didn't see the whole picture.

And Jerry will never come home. I will never know what happened. I will never know why I didn't see the whole picture. I can't go get a replacement and start over.

I can only finish the puzzle with the missing pieces left out.

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