Monday, January 12, 2009

Gloom, Doom, and A Working Day

I'm depressed today. Not sure why. Lately, I've felt o.k. except for the pain but today, I am just down in the dumps. I didn't want to come to work today. When I went out to my car I had a memory of when I was a child going to school. I hated school and never wanted to go and I had this sensation this morning of being in that place and time again.

We didn't get Sarah yesterday either. When we went to pick her up she wouldn't leave her mother. Jerry is very upset. He never gets to see her anymore and he had his whole weekend off planned around having her. I guess I'm upset too. I hated to see him so upset about it but I can't fix it. He said he's not even going to try and get her anymore. He just can't take the disappointment.

They asked me to sing at church last night. I never sing much anymore and so I have this one song that a lady there likes and I sing it every time they ask me to sing. Well, why learn a new one when you don't ever sing? But I'm bored with it now. I used to love to sing and I sang in church a lot, in the choir and special songs but since I've been here I stopped singing. Mainly, they don't ask and I finally stopped being prepared. So, when they do call on me I am a bit frustrated. I almost said no but my training under a previous pastor held true. I probably don't sing more than four times a year now. Not enough to go to the bother of learning a new song.

Well, I know a lot of songs but I hate singing without practicing. I'm not that good a singer to start with! LOL. I can carry a tune most of the time but there are only certain styles that I do well with and I don't have a large range. I tend to be between an alto and a soprano ... is that a contra-alto? Don't know. I say I sing open letter style. Open your mouth and let her fly.

I stopped and did some work and then went to lunch with Mike.

I'm really depressed and don't even want to write about it. Crazy, huh? How many times do you remember that happening? LOL.

Actually, when I feel like this it means something is wrong or about to go wrong. I hate it. It's like a fire bell but you don't see any smoke so you don't know where it is. I don't know what I can do about it so, back to work with me. I may catch up later at home.

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