Slow Row Up River

The week passes like the rows of trees on the river bank as I row my small boat along. Today is Tuesday. I had an enormously busy Saturday with a very painful Sunday. But some positive things got done. Monday dawned bright and the day actually was nice. I got a lovely antique desk, in need of some TLC, for the den that will be perfect for my new sewing machine and even my laptop works well on it. I'm charmed by it and can't wait to sit down and get to work.

I did have a bit of a melt down last night. I'm still tired today because I sat up too late. I must go to bed earlier tonight. I say this frequently. I feel like sleeping is such a waste of valuable time. I've always felt this but as I have aged, my body tends to disagree with me, in various ways, and to punish me if I ignore the demands. So, I have to sleep more. Besides, when I don't get enough, I get even less done.

I've had hiccups off and on all day and it is quite annoying.

I've been listening to a set of cds Becca gave me by a fella called Lou Tice of the Pacific Institute. Motivational speaker. He has some good ideas. Not new but good. He's on YouTube. As a result of listening to these cds I started to do a couple of the things he suggest. One is positive affirmations. I've practiced this in the past with surprising results. Before you go to sleep every night, say these positive affirmations to yourself. For example, tomorrow will be a good day, I will accomplish .... (you add what you want here).  As I said, I've done this in the past. Can't hurt. Actually, I've had several rather calm days and I think it is because of that. So, I'll keep trying it.

Doug made his first post to the Asylum blog. I have to say I am impressed. Doug doesn't really know it yet, I think, but he's got a knack for this. He is probably the leader of the group but we've just never elected him as such. Anyway, drop over and read it.The Writers' Asylum I suspect the Asylum will be doing something different for a bit. I hope the group will want  to try his suggestion.

I've been working on some old videos I found from a couple of years ago. I never posted them and am really doing it so Becca can download them. They are just too precious for words and it was such a great joy watching them. My aunt and uncle will be tickled as well. Everyone seems to love watching Sarah. I realized recently, she's growing up on this blog. That's kind of nice. I'm happy I have so many of these videos of her. I don't have that with my children. And I think she will be glad she has these someday.

I'm off now to try and post the videos I finished. 

Nervous Minister

A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'"

A member of the flock raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that."

The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly: "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes."

Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?"

The member of the flock said, "I sure could."

"How would you do it?"

"With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"

Six of One, Half Dozen of the Other

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I had fun reading this but at the end I had to laugh. America has Hollywood. England has the Royals.

Setting Sail

(You'll notice by the date that this was started a month ago. I suppose I saved it as a draft and forgot about it.)

My vacation turned into more of a bust than anticipated. The last five days were simply terrible because I was sick with some kind of cold or allergy. Tuesday I felt better than I had since I took off work nearly ten days before.

I had a bad time with this vacation. The first five days I could not get myself directed. I sat in this house and became more and more depressed until finally I had to get out. I went to the fabric store and bought patterns, fabric, and thread. I came home and managed to get two days of sewing before I practically collapsed with this cold. From Friday until Tuesday, I was more or less immobile. I couldn't breath. I sneezed and my nose ran. I wiped it so much it became raw. And my emotions became as raw as my nose. I cried for no reason and for every reason for days and nights.

I want to say I can't remember feeling so dark in spirit but that wouldn't be true. The last two and half years have been filled with days of such darkness that I don't want to remember. Keeping the blog has been a good thing in this respect. I have been able to go back in time in a way I would not have been able to had I not written it down. I don't go back often. There are some experiences you simply do not want to relive. But now and then, for some reason I find myself looking at entries from those darkest days. These last days have been very dark. I almost looked forward to going back to work.

The analogy has been with me for some time now of drifting on a huge ocean. In one post I mention islands of happiness in a sea of misery. It still holds true, at least for me.

Wednesday morning I was reading the daily devotional that is always near my chair but which I forget at times. I can't remember what I read at the moment but I remember the feeling that nothing makes sense to me anymore. I feel as if I'm adrift on a great sea and I have no idea which direction to steer. My ship, Life, seems to have come to a halt and the sails I set hang limply from the mast. The sea is glass. And as far as I can see, there is no land.

When you are drifting in the doldrums you have little to do except twiddle your thumbs. Blowing the sails will do you no good and only make you dizzy. You need a stiff breeze fill them up and push your bark forward. So, one searches for help in strange places. I went back to study the charts. In this case, my blogs.

Despite what you may think, I still believe that God is always in control. When the storm blows me off track, it is because there is some place I needed to go and my sails were set in another direction. We're creatures of habit and stubborn. Sometimes the only way we'll change our course is to be blown out of it. I believe I've been blown way off course. I've been struggling to chart a new one.

When one is far at sea there are no landmarks, no light houses. The ocean is a shifting landscape of waves and whitecaps, clouds and sky. When far from land, ancient mariners plotted by the stars. There were times, though, when there was no star to steer by, when the heavens were cloaked in darkness and the winds died and the ship was becalmed. And yet, even during the darkest of nights, when clouds hung heavy and there was no wind, the seamen knew that beyond the darkness, somewhere above, the North Star still hung steadfast in the heavens. They had only to wait for the return of the winds to sweep the heavens clear, look up, get their bearings, and sail on.

Stars and garters

Mama was a lady. She didn't curse. She didn't swear. She didn't even use what she called "by-words". Gosh, golly, darn, dang and shoot were forbidden. "WE" did not use such language. I still try and avoid them but I do slip on a couple of them. She didn't even say "swannee".

When something shocked Mama it was a "My stars!" I have no idea where she got it but it was the closest to a swear word I ever heard her say. Sometimes, she said "My stars and garters." In the newspapers when I was child there was a horoscope, on the comics page usually and it was titled "My Stars and Garters". It is the only other place I ever saw the term.

However, when I Googled it today to write this post in answer to Grammy's question, I found where it came from. And it makes so much sense that she used it. She could have heard the previous generation using it but she read widely and I wouldn't be surprised if she'd run across it somewhere that way. Here is the link:

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It shouldn't surprise anyone that the Southern part of the United States, during the 19th century had strong ties in England. Many there supported the "Recent Unpleasantness" and there were cultural exchanges. Manners, phrases, and some habits caught on among gentry who traveled and did business overseas. These filtered down to the lower classes. Those phrase, until Mama died, still popped up now and again among my family. Every once in awhile my British contacts make comments and references that I quite understand because I remember people saying the same or very similar things when I was a child.

Sadly, the people I know who kept using those quaint terms and expressions have all but disappeared from my life. So, occasionally, I trot out some of them. They are all I have left of a wonderful woman.

My stars and garters! Can you believe what you can find on Google!

Indiana Police Search for Missing College Student Lauren Spierer - FoxNews.com

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I do not know what is wrong with this world. Well, I do, but I can't fix it. Pray for them to find this girl. There is also one in N. Carolina that is missing, a nursing student. Went to get something from her car while working and never came back. These are not girls practicing risky behavior. They are, according to everyone, hardworking college students described as very good students, smart and pretty, well liked by everyone.

I honestly do not know what kind of mind it takes to do these things. Subhumans. Animals, and that's an insult to animals.

Sorry if that sounds harsh and uncharitable but these creatures are a blight on society and a disgrace to the human race.

Hypnotist's On-Stage Injury Leaves Three Audience Members in a Trance - FoxNews.com

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Question: What if he had had not come round for days? Weeks? Months? What if he had died?

I'm sure that some regulation must now go through the HoP in order to insure anyone left in a trance can be brought out by someone else in the event that the hypnotist is incapacitated! American will follow to insure that all Las Vegas acts are also covered.

Oh my stars and garters!

I Wanna Learn to Sew

Cheryl made a comment this morning that she had a new machine and wanted to learn to use it. More than once I've had these comments in the last five days. I usually get it when I show someone something I've made. It's been a while, but it hasn't changed. I've been sewing in since I was an adolescent. So, with that in mind, here is my beginners training session.

Patterns:

Find a simple pattern with a simple elastic waist skirt and a basic sleeveless top. These are the basics for any outfit you make. I always recommend Simplicity patterns but Nina pointed out in a comment that she recommended Butterick or McCalls patterns because the instructions were better. I've used all three frequently but never found that to be the case but everyone has their own preference in patterns. MacCalls always had the prettiest clothes. There are new patterns out that are very cheap and even easier to make. Simplicity has New Look and So Easy patterns. Both these tend to be very simply outfits to make.

All the major pattern companies have websites now. And they carry discontinued patters, too. You may find something that is perfectly functional in there. Some stores carry patterns much cheaper than others. I screwed up this week and bought some patterns at a more expensive store. I forgot, you see. Whatever the cost, use your patterns in ways that make them last a long time. If you use a $10 pattern for five years, you'll paid $2 a year for the use. Don't be shocked, I've used patterns longer than that! If one begins to get a bit frayed, and they will if you sew as much as I used to, you can buy blank tissue paper in fabric stores, too and trace a copy of the piece on it, writing all the necessary information for that piece on your copy. Then cut it out. You will save a lot of money.

Instructions:

Read those inserts carefully. I always took a pen and marked the information that referred to the items I was making. I'd circle the layout so I'd be sure and get the it correct. They show you a dozen different ways to lay out fabric. Invariably you can get mixed up. The same is true for instruction on putting the garment together. Some multi garment patterns had pages and pages of instructions that cover every step for every piece. I virtually never refer to those anymore but I can remember reading them and getting annoyed because I had to wade through instructions for the jacket when all I wanted was instructions for the skirt. I recommend getting a colored pen or pencil (not a marker as it bleeds thru paper) and mark the instructions for the item you're working on. Then, in a pinch, when you're trying to figure something out, you can easily find the things that apply to your garment.

Manuals:

I recommend getting one. I had one by Simplicity for years that I got in high school! No it was not on stone tables! It was awesome. It had every imaginable thing in it. I never used all of it but more than once I have been annoyed because that book got lost years ago in a move. All the major pattern companies have them. You can find them at fabric stores. I've never bought another one but I've come close a few times. I'm considering it again. Franky, you can get buy without it if you have internet. The internet is a huge reservoir of how-to information. Google your problem and you will come up with hundreds of sites with instructions, pictures and videos. YouTube is amazing for instructional videos on all kinds of craft items. I learned several crochet techniques that have been helpful just by watching some of their videos.

Preparation:

Read your machine manual. Get a scrap of useless fabric or buy a small remnant. They're cheap. Learn every function to your machine by going over the manual and running stitches in that remnant. Once you've done that you'll be amazed at how much more comfortable you feel. If you don't have a manual, simply practice by doing. You can look up anything to find out what it is and what it means. If you have an old machine you got to learn on, you might be able to find a manual for it online. I found some for my current machine! I would have had to purchase it but it was out there. You don't necessarily need a manual... well I do but you might not. Just use that scrap and see what happens.

I still refer to my manual at times. I have sewn so infrequently in the last dozen years that I forget how to use some features. And the more complicated the machine, the more you need the manual. A basic machine is really the best thing to purchase if you're just starting out. My first one had only about half a dozen fancy stitches. Unless you're really into crafts you may not ever use that many. I didn't on the current machine but I'm planning to on my new one.

Supplies:

Make sure you have all the supplies you need for whatever you're making! I invariably forget something. Don't do as I do. Do as I say. I went to the fabric store three times for those skorts and dresses. Why? First trip: fabric. Second trip: patterns. Third trip: thread, and zippers. What can I say. I've not done any sewing for years and it was a sort of spur of the moment. I thought I had stuff in my supply box but I don't. Save yourself the headache. Check the pattern list, write it down and take it with you. If you do have to go back, take a swatch of the fabric with you! I had to buy thread. Do you know how many variations of blue there are? I guessed. Fortunately, I guessed absolutely correctly. I'm actually very good at this! Probably because it is my SOP but it isn't working smart. And I'm not perfect and I could easily have gotten the wrong shade.

Same holds true for the zipper. Unless you've checked out the thread aisle, yes aisle, you can't begin to imagine how many colors are possible in the spectrum. It boggles the mind. A zipper that is even slightly off color will make a glaring statement down the back of your dress: BEGINNER!

Relax:

Incidentally, the thread aisle is a great place to find a pick-me-up. All those colors are actually beautiful and soothing. Yes, I know that sounds crazy. I feel the same way about fabric aisles. The ones where they have the fabrics arranged by colors is truly wonderful. Try standing and just looking at them quietly for a few moments. Notice the brilliance of the reds, the coolness of the blues, the sunny aspect of the yellows. After about two minutes you move closer and start examining the details and then you start feeling the textures. Before you get done, you're thinking of what you could do with this one or that one. I absolutely love fabrics.

Restraint:

Don't dawdle. If you stay too long in the fabric store you will spend hundreds of dollars. Don't look at patterns if you're there for thread. Don't look at fabric if you're there for a needles. I'm telling you, it is very dangerous! Get only the items on your list and get out. Once you've learned the basics and mastered the machine, you can plan your next step.

Fabric:

Based on what I said in the last section, use caution. Fabric is highly addictive. Particularly once you touch it. There are some, like the material I got for Sarah's dresses that once touched, they go directly into the blood stream and cross the blood brain barrier. You will not leave the store without it. These fabrics appeal to the senses and the stores know just how to display them to get you to touch them. Long silky drapes of fabric show you the exquisite colors and allow you to run your hands through the silky folds. These are prominently displayed in fabric stores. Read Genesis 2 and take heed. Do not touch it!

Most stores have remnant bins. For small things for children these can be wonderful, particularly if you're just learning. They usually have less than a yard of fabric and that makes a toddler skirt or simple top. My suggestion start here, master the basics and then move of to the hard stuff.

Mind you, I'm only suggesting. You'll have to manage your addiction.

How Much & What Kind:

That depends on your garment. Follow the pattern recommendation faithfully. IMPORTANT: Regimented patterns such as plaids, checks, stripes, ordered designs, and fabrics with a nap, will required more fabric. You must match the designs up as you lay out your pattern to make your garment appear seamless. This is crucial and very difficult. I once made a velveteen corduroy skirt and forgot the nap. One side look shiny and the other side look dark because the nap went in opposite directions. I knew better but got in a hurry. Trashed. Plaids are the most difficult thing you can sew. Done well, they make beautiful suits. Done poorly and you might as well toss it. It will look atrocious.

Silks, nylons, and satins are by far the most annoying fabrics to work with. They slide all over the place. My grandmother made undergarments such as slips, chemises, and panties. I don't know how in the world she did it. I've tried satins and silks and while I can do it, it is very stressful. Pins fall out, the fabric shifts, the needle and thread must be a special purchase. Just all around annoyance. But.... the finished product can be quite nice.

Growth:

Once you've mastered the basics of a simple skirt and top, then plan your next project. If you're comfortable with it, get a slightly more complicated pattern or a more complicated fabric. A dress tends to have lots more straight lines and is usually collarless but those with fancy necklines are not simple to sew. I've made at least one where it was done incorrectly.

Look on each more complicated project as a challenge to develop your skill. This can become an expensive hobby but a very rewarding one. You can actually see, touch and wear your creations. Or you can see your children wearing them. Do only what you want to do. Do only one item at a time. This way, if you find it isn't something you particularly care for you are not out a ton of money. I'll post a photo soon my my fabric bin. You'll be shocked. At one point in my life I was cranking out an average of an outfit a month. And that's a conservative estimate.

Once people know you can sew, expect them to ask you to sew for them. I've sewn for me, my children, my husband, my niece, and assorted friends and acquaintances. Just say no.

SOP = Standard operating procedure.

The End Approaches

My vacation is nearing an end. It hasn't been much of a vacation. The first part of the week I spent depressed and basically mindless. I did read a lot and I did some crochet. The second half I started sewing projects. I've enjoyed that. But in the midst of it I've come down with a horrible case of something. Probably hay fever with all it's attendant misery. I'm limited in what I can take. Most allergy medicines make me extremely sleepy and I can't take them. Some give me heart palpitations and elevate my blood pressure. Some do nothing for me. So, it is unlikely I'll find anything that actually works.

I did do something totally selfish. I actually went totally off the rails. Most of you know I don't usually splurge on much for myself. I mean, a car is about the only thing I seem to really buy for myself. And that is a necessity. Wouldn't have done that if some nut had been watching where she was going. But other things, well, look how long it took me to actually buy a laptop! I talked about it for two years on the blog before I finally bought it. In fact, Jerry and I had discussed it that long and not until the fall after he died did I actually do it. That is the last expensive thing I bought. Until the car, of course. I've been talking about buying one of those ginormous t.v. sets you put on the wall for over a year now. But have just kept putting it off.

So, today I went shopping. Would you like to know what I bought?

No, not a television.

Yes. I did. It will arrive on Tuesday. This will be the fourth machine I've ever owned. I started with my grandmother's Brother at age 11. It was a great machine. Jerry bought me my own Singer machine when we were stationed in Frankfurt Germany in 1978. I had put it on layaway when I found I was pregnant. The day I came home from the hospital from a miscarriage he picked it up and brought it home for me. I have a photo of me cutting out things that week. I had left Mama's machine, to my eternal regret, with daddy and I have no idea where it is now but I think my mother has it. Jerry learned to sew on that machine and would put his own patches on his uniforms. He liked doing it. That was all the sewing he did of course but he did that. I kept my first Singer for about 15 years, too. Jerry bought me the 2210 below in the early 90's and I used it a lot but after college I gradually stopped sewing except for minor repairs. Once I gained weight it was not as much fun because altering patterns is a lot more work and I got frustrated with it. Until then I didn't have to alter the patterns at all. I will now.

I thought about buying a machine all day yesterday. My old machine is working but it is well over 15 years old. It is one of the first micro-computer machines they came out with. Jerry bought it for me after we moved here in 1990. He was still in service because he bought it at the PX in Ft. Knox, when my sister was stationed there. I have had to have it serviced several times over the years but it still works.

When it begins to drop stitches I know it is time to service but with that costing over $60 a pop, it become less and less of a bargain. I've had it serviced about 7 or 8 times all together. So,I just decided I wanted a new one and since I didn't get that trip to England, I figure this will appease me. I've already started saving again from my trip and will be banking vacation days as well. I'm going to have to do a lot of sewing to make up for the splurge. Besides, I've let this particular hobby wasting for too long. Sarah can reap the benefits... well, if I sew for myself so will I.

I plan to go back to work on Wednesday so won't have much time to play with the new toy for a few days but I am hoping that in the evening I'll put it to use. And my work week will only be three days.

I have discovered several things about me this week. I'm not a very happy person anymore. I always thought I was rather happy. I liked my life and doing the things I always did. Somewhere it changed and became a chore. And work is not something I remotely enjoy. I liked being at home and taking care of my family and home. The things that gave me joy and a feeling of security disappeared over night. When I had to go to work, Jerry hated it and I thought he hated it more than I did. He didn't. Much of the stress I feel is from my job. The rest is from my children. I worry about them constantly, more so since Jerry died, and particularly Mike.

I'm pretty certain that nothing can fix this whole problem. I am a "learn to live with it" person. "Like it or lump" it we used to say as children. I knew what that meant then. I don't now. Suck it up, get over it and all the usual cliches. Life is what it is and I suspect we don't have any control over it. I've heard it said we can control our happiness. If that were true, Jerry would be in the next room. Mike would not be a concern. I'd be planning on how we spend the weekend. Happiness is not in my control. Neither is sadness. It is what it is. So, guess the vacation wasn't a total loss.

Now, I'm going to work on that second skort. I also have some other stuff to do, such as paying bills. I forgot it is the first of the month. House payment due. {sigh}

Another Day Ending

I got up late today, 9:30. I felt horrible. Not only do I have some serious aches, my allergies are in full attack mode. I have a scratchy throat, runny, stuffy nose, and itchy eyes. I got up and got sorted out a bit and then began cutting out the clothes for Sarah. I've been doing videos of it and will see how that works. Better than the crochet ones I hope.

Anyway, I've gotten all but the last pair of shorts and skirt cut. I'm getting ready to do that now. I've got to swap tables between the kitchen and dinning room. The one in the kitchen is bar height and that will relieve the pressure on my back and neck I think. I have to take a break each time I've moved to the next fabric because my back is not happy with the angle I have to bend.

However, I'm confident that I can have these run up in two days at the most. They are simple and no frills. I'll tackle the dresses after these are done. I also will be making her a long lavender skirt out of that remanent I bought. It is absolutely a love fabric and it will be a dress skirt. No pattern needed for that one. Just cut it the right length, run up a seam and run the elastic. I'm going to try and make a hair bow to match it. Haven't done that for her but I have some ideas on it.

I truly love working with fabrics. I had forgotten how much. I've been sewing since I was 11. My aunt called and we were talking about how her mother had taught us to sew. Mama was a whiz at needle work. She could make her own patterns and did. I always was the best dressed child in school. And by the time I could stand up to the machine, I hung over it watching her sew. I probably learned most of what I know by simply watching her do it. I had already made myself clothes by the time I reached high school and had to take home economics. My teacher asked me where I'd learned and I told her. I was so bored making that stupid apron! I knew how to make actual dresses and here I was making an apron. I never wore the thing. It was hideous. Like a sleeveless dress dress that opened down the back and had a button at the neck.

I'm hoping that the sewing goes as easily. My neck and back are just such a mess and such work often leads to a lot of pain in those areas. I have to be very careful with the crochet as well.

Ok, break is over. Must finish this last set and then get ready to set up the machine. I might just get busy tonight!

Sunshine & Shadows

I've had a slow morning. I got my coffee and then decided I was going to buy some fabric and make Sarah some skorts. I've been to Wal-mart and bought what is needed to make three skorts and two dresses. I will try and cut them out this evening and make them tomorrow. I can make the skorts in a few hours. The dresses will take a bit more time as they have rick-rack to apply around the waists. I'll post some photos later of the material.

I planned to work in the office and clear it out in preparation to sanding that wall and getting it fixed. But I have all that furniture to move and it is heavy. I'm having some issues from moving things yesterday when I was cleaning. I may not get to the office until tomorrow. I sent Mike home. I needed space.

I have too much stuff. I don't need it. I don't need this big house and huge yard. But I'm here. I need to get rid of some things and get new ones. The huge china cabinet I bought second hand needs to be replaced. The huge desk we bought with matching bookcases. I want to get rid of the desk but not the bookcases. I want a smaller desk. Then there is all the stuff I can't seem to get rid of. Oh, I've gotten rid of a lot but there is more. Too much more.

I've done very little the last four days that amounts to a vacation. I've had very little fun either. I've found myself at the cemetery more this week than I have been in a year. I don't know why. I was remembering today how so much of the last five years we'd not been able to do anything together because the money was a mess and he simply couldn't do anything but fall asleep sitting up. I was unhappy for a long time, nothing has changed, just intensified. I missed him long before he died and I was angry because I didn't understand why he wasn't "there". Now, I know why he isn't here and I'm not angry. I'm unendingly sad and lonely.

There are no simple pursuits. My life was built around another person and now it is just scaffolding standing on an empty plain. It is easy to say "find something you enjoy doing". Everything I've ever loved doing required companionship. I actually like working on the house and yard. I actually like going places and seeing new things. I actually like watching a good movie and laughing at a good joke. I like going to dinner. It is not fun doing these along and some require help. I don't actually want to leave my house anymore. The thought of going anywhere makes me tired. I can sit here for days and stare out the windows. I can crochet. I can clean. I can probably sew. But not constantly. Boredom sets in and I have to stop. Days stretch ahead of me and I haven 't got one clue what to do with them.

I realized last night that I had to plan today or I'd waste another day. At this point, I've managed to use the first half shopping for fabric and visiting the cemetery. This afternoon, I'm hoping I can cut out these skorts. But I'm sitting here resting the leg, which seems to be unhappy that I've required it to walk! From my lower back to my ankle just hurts. I stopped at the pharmacy and bought some more pain medicine to see if it will help. It does at night so we'll see. However, I took it over an hour ago and it isn't better.

I watched show last night called The KGB Psychic Files. Actually it was very interesting and I heard a lot of stuff that shocked me because it fit in with my Simon story as if it were part of it! It was a bit eerie hearing some of my imagination being spouted back at me as a done deal, nearly 100 years ago! Oh please don't tell me there is no such thing as "psychic" ability. Since I seem to "know" things sometimes, and I dream of people dying and they do, and since my grandmother "knew" things, you've come a bit late to tell me that it isn't real. Since I didn't "request" that ability I don't know where it comes from, I just know it is. And since I've prayed NOT to have it and that hasn't worked, I suspect it isn't optional, but standard equipment for humans. It appears we have different strengths and aspects of these abilities. I don't know the triggers or who decides who gets what aspect. I'd much rather be able to pick lottery numbers, particularly since it is currently $200 million.

Besides, we know that the US government funded the remote viewing program for a long time. We know because the documents are there to prove it. They say they no longer have the program. I suspect the simply graduated to something similar. It was apparently useful while they used it. How much so depends on who you ask. There are now "schools" that "teach" it. Google it and you'll see.

I also remembered that if we can imagine it, it can happen. There is Biblical evidence for this in Proverbs. Solomon, you know, the wisest guy who ever lived, said that there was nothing new under the sun. He basically states that every possible thing that we have ever imagined
or done was already in existence before. Before you get all bent over the introduction of the religious aspect let me remind you that Dick Tracy had a wrist watch telephone and two way radio long before anyone imagined it could be possible. Star Trek had Blue Tooth at least 30
years before it was created. Yes, it did... Lt. O'Hura wore an ear piece in the television show that was a wireless communication device. Google for photos of lieutenant U'hura. You'll see. So, Solomon did not lie. I figure he was just as reliable as the comic strips and television shows.

I had several lines of thought going. I thought that if Russian spies and CIA operatives (nice word for spies) could use their minds to this extent, there is nothing impossible for human beings. And if human minds are capable of this much power, how much more so is the mind of God. If we are capable of such power and these abilities are being used in this manner, it is no wonder God hid the tree of life. Whatever they are, wherever they come from, the potential is there. So is the potential for abuse and misuse.We are such horrid creatures and can't be trusted to do good with anything we've been given. If you watch this movie you'll see what I mean. The things the people with these abilities did were absolutely horrible.

I think I'll stop now. It is still hot out but actually it isn't as bad as yesterday, I think. It is nearly 1:30 and only 87 degrees. This time yesterday it was nearly 94. So, a large drop. And I think the humidity is a tad less. I'll go out or I'll sit here and try to write.

Whatever.

Vacation Blues

I'm not sure what I thought a vacation would be like. I've had some rather nice getaways over the years and always enjoyed it. I'm not having any fun this time. I'm stuck in unbearable heat and find I do not want to do anything to work up a sweat. And there is much that needs doing. But then, that doesn't feel like a vacation.

So, I've messed around on the computer for days, spent time reading my book, and playing with Sarah. Sarah went home last night and is in day care today.

I was going to try and do some things in the yard but it is too crazy hot to bother with that. I need to tackle the study and get the wall finished and ceiling repaired. Then, paint it. But it is too much work to contemplate.

I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I have a complete and total lack of interest in anything at all. I would so love to sit outside but don't dare in this heat. You can't find a cool spot anywhere! I suppose I could try and go out under David's tree but it is a long way from the house. Although, I just stepped out there and it is probably several degrees cooler under that tree. I'm going to get several more trees this week and put in the yard. I need shade trees bad, both front and back. The porch is a heat sink so sitting there has not been much fun. But it looks nice. A tree for shade would fix it.  Of course, I may never reap the benefit of them. It has taken nearly 17 years for David's tree to become the shade it is.

Cassie posted her first challenge on the Asylum blog. I have been working on my response to the challenge for about three days and am nearly done. I think I'll post it for everyone to see. It will not be a story as far as I know, just a character work up. I will limit it to my contacts probably.

I'm off now to find something else to get me interested.

Memorial Day Tribute

Blog Crazy

I started another blog..... {sigh}. Yes, I did. Well, actually, I'm hoping that the writing group will co-author it with me. I've set it up and sent them the notices. It would make it easier to keep up with some things for the group. Here's the link if you want to look. The Writers' Asylum

I don't know it they'll want to bother. Doug and I talked about it a little bit last year but we didn't actually group discuss it. And we got no further than the idea stage. I decided to go one step more and toss out the idea in a more concrete fashion. If no one wants to bother... well, I can always delete it. I don't actually have time to do all the posting. I already have several blogs out there but not all are active. Some are just novels I put out there for protection and to make it easier to share when I wanted to share.

Anyway, take a look. We're discussing t-shirts too and the logo is on the blog.

A Sunless Day

Vacation begin under a cloudy, cold sky. It is 55 degrees! I don't know what that is about. I nearly froze to death over night and hurt absolutely everywhere. I'm not in a vacation mood at all. The phone company just left. Still more trouble with those stupid jacks. My fax machine in the study/library/office didn't work. It is brand new and worked in the other room so it isn't that.

I had a writer's meeting last night. It went well but only four of us. Cassie, Doug, Melina and me. Oh, Cassie brought a visiting friend, Faith with her. She said she enjoyed the herself. She is an English major in college. So, lots of youth in the house. They're very energetic.

Doug stayed a bit later but he usually does. We usually spend time talking about his writing or mine. I'm usually a lot clearer once he's torn the whole thing apart with his questions. He really is very good at getting to the core of the story. I have a hard time keeping up at times and have to think about it or ask him to repeat a question. Last night he paced and talked me through Simon's knotty story. I have some clearer ideas this morning but feel absolutely overwhelmed by the scope. I need to get it down. I should probably start taping the sessions!

At one point I explained something to him and he stared at me and shook his head, "You are creating your own Bounty!" Bounty is his book that is probably several and that we usually critique parts of. The scope is very broad and it has become a joke of sorts when we each get into stories that seem to have no end. His story is very good but HUGE. We've been pushing him to narrow his scope and focus on one character and his/her story.

I probably should go and dress. I had to actually turn on the heat because it was so cold and I was in a lot of pain from the stiffness caused by being cold all night. Yes, I took off the electric blanket. But it was 80 degrees, for goodness sake. You can't sleep under blankets. I still have a quilt and a woven blanket and sheet over me. But they aren't heavy and they tend to get cold in themselves.

I'll be dropping in over the course of the week from somewhere. I don't have anything in mind at the moment. Today, I just want to do nothing.

It's Friday.... MY Friday

Yes, 5 p.m. today begins my so-called vacation. Not what I had envisioned, of course, but I'll take what I can get. Work will be exceptionally tedious.

The trip to Mammoth is off. My sister is sick. Glad I didn't book a hotel.It is not my lot to go anywhere. The heat is supposed to get to 90 by Sunday. This morning it is partly sunny. Some heavy dark clouds passing over with bouts of sun breaking in. To the West it seems to have cleared a lot. Might be a pretty but I suspect warm day. Currently 66 degrees but that won't last. There is a stiff breeze.

I've had my coffee and breakfast and will now gather up my gear and head back into the mine, feet dragging, shoulders drooping, eyes downcast.

PLOP!

Eyes forward. Shoulders back, feet dragging.

Decorating and Other Woes

I was messing around with my page layout and design but I wasn't happy with the results and so gave it up after spending too much time on it. I used to spend hours learning CSS and I changed my page sometimes once a week. Now, not so much. I'm just not into it but I do get bored now and then. I saved the code for several of my pages and all I need do is past it in but I still like starting over.
I have been trying to read some. I'm reading the second and latest Richard Castle novel "Naked Heat." If you watch the t.v. show "Castle" you'll know what I'm talking about. If you don't, you won't.
To make it easier for you... The novels are written by a fictional character, Richard Castle, on a fictional ABC t.v. show called Castle. The show is about this fictional writer who shadows a detective as research for his detective novels which are about a fictional female detective and the writer who shadows her on her job. On the show, the character talks about his novels and when they are going to be available. And all the fans, me included, rush out to buy them. It is the ultimate fictional novel! And they are actually good.

The writer, Richard Castle, is played by actor Nathan Fillion. He also played on the sci-fi show, "Firefly" and it's spin-off movie, "Serenity". He is not fictional. He's real.

I could watch him sell soap. He could sell me soap. . . who am I kidding, he could sell me just about anything.

I'm thinking about going to Bowling Green with my sister and visiting Mammoth cave again or at least the area. She's never been and my last experience was not fun. She is off Friday and Saturday so we'd do it then. Nina, how far are you from Bowling Green?
So, now I'm off to bed, late again. But, tomorrow is Wednesday and only two days until I'm off for about 10 days.

The Earl

I made reference in my recent video blog to The Earl of Sandwich. I was shocked that my friend Jilly, a Brit, never heard of the Earl of Sandwich. (John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich (1718-1792) At any rate, here is a link to the short version, both informative and entertaining.

http://www.wordsources.info/words-mod-sandwich.html

The End is Not Yet

We all know the world is supposed to end today. Day isn't over but millions woke today to find themselves still here.

I was going to post this as a comment on someone's blog but realized I'd gone over board. I don't usually preach on my blog. I try to live my faith and show you how I do that by my posts. I hope I am successful. But this is one instance I'm disgusted and will give my sermon.

It is guys like the Reverend (I use the term loosely) Camping that are the reason Christians have to take a lot of flack. He's caused someone somewhere to lose their faith. He's caused fear in others for no good reason. He's made a laughingstock of believers. He has brought shame on the Word of God. Fortunately, none of those are an unforgivable sin!

Let's say someone out there was afraid he was right and knew they were not ready to meet God. Do you believe for one minute that today that person will be rushing out to find the nearest church after the obvious fake prophecy? I don't think so. They are immensely relieved he was wrong and furious that he frightened them for nothing. How stupid to use the Bible and its teachings so carelessly and foolishly.

No one can predict when God is going to call your name. Even Jesus said this in the very book this so called minister of the Gospel says he's got his information. He basically called Jesus Christ a liar and stated that he knew more than even Jesus. But he professes to be a follower!

Bottom line, God is going to come for everyone of us at some point in time. We will ALL die because it is in our nature to die. For the believer, we believe the Bible says that our current bodies can't enter heaven! Even those "caught up" in the Rapture will not be able to take their current bodies. They will be changed. Death of the body is the change, folks. So if you thought you were going to miss that, you're wrong. I may die today. You may, also. Life is filled with last moments. If that happens, we'll meet God right then. He may come back in the moment in a twinkling of an eye for millions at a time. We will meet Him right then. He called the names of thousands on 9/11. Believe me, they were not expecting it. No one was. That is the message the Bible gives to all. "For in such an hour as you think not. . ."

Regardless of how He takes you or when He takes you, you must be prepared to stand blameless before him. This too is the message that reasonable Christians believe and that the Bible teaches. We are not perfect and can't hope to be perfect before a sovereign God. The life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, in our faith, was the atonement for imperfect lives. It covers our imperfections so we can stand. If you don't believe, that doesn't change it. For us it is fact. If you do believe it and refuse to obey it, it still doesn't change it.

The end comes for everyone at some point. I can't tell you when. I can only tell you that I firmly believe there is an end, that there is life after you leave this place, and that we are accountable for the choices we make. We're going to be asked about those in detail.

Mama always said that you should live as if today is your last day on earth but plan as if you will live to be 100. It is advice I've struggled to follow. It isn't easy. But I hope that when my name is called that He finds no fault in me. And frankly, I don't need the Reverend Campings of the world to tell me when that time is coming. I'm not deaf and I'm listening for the call.

A Memorial Day Tribute

Aerial Images: Mississippi River Before and After Flooding - weather.com

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Put your cursor on the photo to see before and after images.

Day Drags Along

I'm halfway through the day and about to take my lunch break. When my co-worker is absent I tend to go later. Makes the day pass much faster. I'm leaving to pick up Mike and then go to lunch. I promised him that I'd take him today.

I worked on the  sweater a bit last night but got so tired I simply had to go to bed. I'm still tired. I think it is the weather. It is still rather gloomy and cool, only 56 degrees today and it was cold last night. I had removed my electric blanket over the weekend and when I got home I regretted it. I got some blankets and put on top of my spread and that was plenty. If all else fails I can turn the electric throw on and it will warm me up.

I have some writing to do at some point but I'm not really inclined, I think. I simply want a quiet place to relax and warm up in the sun. It seems my vacation may be a nice wash out too if the forecast are accurate. Looks as if the weather systems are still going to bring wet, gloomy weather through the next week. So, I'm not taking my vacation early. I have no intention of sitting inside watching the storms if I can possibly avoid it. I've been doing that all winter.

Honestly the who vacation idea has sort of fallen apart. I don't actually have the money to go anywhere I'd like to go and it isn't really any fun at all going alone to some place strange.

I've said all this before. I'm boring.

Ok, enough. I'm hungry and I can go eat. I just heard the boss say he was sleepy! So it isn't just me.

Disaster in Dixie - Foxx News Video

This is such a terrible situation.
http://video.foxnews.com/v/4697211/disaster-in-dixie/?playlist_id=87485#/v/4697211/disaster-in-dixie/?playlist_id=87485

Evansville citizens declared most obese - 14 WFIE, Evansville, Henderson, Owensboro

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Wow, we won?

Mom Reportedly Loses Custody of Daughter After Revealing Girl's Botox Injections - FoxNews.com

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That didn't take long. Some of you will remember this story from Chris' post last week. Shocking as it was I find this very sad. The first blow to a child's psyche.

Mississippi National River and Recreation Area - Mississippi River Facts (U.S. National Park Service)

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In light of all the media attention the flood of 2011 is receiving, I thought this would give those not as closely acquainted with the Mississippi River watershed a little better understanding of exactly how much water we're talking about. The media can tell us in gallons and cubic feet per minute and volume. But take a look at the facts about the river and this watershed that nearly 50% of the nation is a part of.

"The watershed measures approximately 1.2 million square miles, covering about 40% of the lower 48 states." When you consider how much rain has fallen in the watershed in the last 60 days and that the runoff is all racing toward these major rivers and eventually to the lower Mississippi, it is not surprising at the magnitude of what is happening in the delta region. There is a lot of water coming their way.

I think what is happening is both fascinating and very sad. This is one of the poorest areas of the country. Poverty levels are terrible. Most of these folks will lose every thing they own. Much of their livelihood comes from the river.

Alternatively, I'm a firm believer that nature does what is good for itself, meaning that floods are to be expected and are actually good for the environment. If allowed to flow normally, a new river path would have been carved out long ago and some the the problems the delta has had in recent years would have been avoided and possibly eliminated. It would be a healthier delta, albeit slight different.

Anyway, enjoy learning about this fascinating river. It is no wonder it has been featured in hundreds of stories and films.

"What Happened to the Weekend?"

She asked in confusion.

I was released from the hospital around 6 p.m. and am now ensconced in my bed with my laptop. A great investment this little computer.

I'm tired. Mike is staying with me a few days, if I can handle his fidgeting. It is more for his benefit than mine. I think he is worried. He has had very little sleep and I'm hoping to get him to go to bed tonight and sleep. I told him he has to if he stays over.

They have told me to follow up with a cardiologist if I continue to have any chest pains in the next four weeks. I really think this was an anxiety attack. But it is always better to be safe than sorry in these things.

I am considering asking Marques to let me take my vacation starting this week instead of next week. I have Friday off and that's a free day and Monday as well so that would be two days less than I would be using of my vacation time. This lets me save more vacation time for later, when things are a bit calmer. They will get calmer, won't they?

Honestly, my life feels like a roller coaster of calamity. I'm really rather tired of that. I'd take boring for a few months just to see how the other half lives.

Many thanks to all those who prayed for me and who asked prayer for me. Please continue to keep me in prayer. I know it works.

I am so blessed by your friendship. When I was able to check my email and saw all those notes and comments and then calls began to come in, I was so very touched by the concern and love that came from hundreds and thousands of miles from my hospital room. I do not know what I would do without you. And words do not begin to say it. Thank you and I pray that God will bless you because you have blessed me.

First Cup

I'm having the first cup of coffee of the day. I didn't used to drink coffee except in winter and that very very rarely. Jerry bought this coffee for me to try because he knew I liked flavored coffee. I had a terrible headache that day and it cleared it up. So, I've had a cup a day ever since. That was at least three years ago. Despite medical advice telling me to stop drinking coffee, I've not stopped. That first cup altered my life.

I didn't post last night. Once I got home, it was later than usual. After a bath and snack, I actually sat down to read my Bible when my sister called to update me on a family situation. After talking to her for about a hour I called to check on Randy because he was not well but he was asleep and I talked to Lisa, his wife for over an hour. By the time I got done it was nearly ten. I watched a show on the computer until nearly midnight.

I am tired this morning. I've had two late nights in a row and I have to stop that.

The situation we are concerned about can't be fixed or helped. I am upset but not to the extent that the others are. Not because I do not care but because I'm not there with them. That is probably a good thing.

Something happened that has simply devastated my siblings and other members of my family. Because of them I won't share it. But sometimes, choices made long ago have such far reaching repercussions. In my world view the harvest of a person's sin may not be reaped until a generation is past. Usually those who watch it my not understand it and be totally broken by such events. The Bible says that the sins of the fathers are visited on the children. That doesn't mean that the children have no choices. Life is all about choices, some good and some bad. That is what is happening in my family. There were bad choices made and there are consequences to bad choices that wound even more people.

Proverbs says that we have sown the wind and shall reap the whirlwind. In this day and age if a person doesn't think we are living in a whirlwind, they're blind. This generation is reaping the first cup of the whirlwind. We have sown our wild oats and the harvest is a bumper crop. Reaping is hard work and the bigger the crop, the harder the work. This is true in my own family.

Last night, after my calls I picked up an old Sunday school book I had found recently. It wasn't lost, just on a shelf forgotten. It was dated 1985-1988. Then, I remembered 1982, three years before I'd bought it in hardback. Jerry and I had thought we were home for good. We'd come back from Italy to our home town and were there to stay. I could see us sitting in that little church. I felt the happiness of being with my family in the place I was raised worshiping the God of my Mama. Then I remembered the choices that brought us there to that place and how it changed our life forever. Because of those choices we went down a different path. And here I am today.

We make them every day. Every minute. And they seem small taken one at a time. But the cumulative effects of choices is life altering, not just to the person making the choices but to those around them. I started a book on grief shortly after Jerry died. It was about a minister who lost his wife and son in a fiery automobile accident. I remember him saying if she had turned a different direction, if he had held her up just a few moments longer life would have been different. It seems a small thing. But it isn't. That small choice altered multiple lives. He was alone with a small daughter to raise and a church to shepherd. It was a bad choice she made that day but she couldn't know the impact it would have. You say it is life but to negate the power of choice is to make us automatons, robots who have no power to change ourselves or our circumstances. Choice is the gift of God.

If Jerry had not made a bad choice in 1982 life would have been forever altered. I caused him to make that bad choice because of something I did. By the time we realized what we'd set in motion, we were feeling the effects of it. Had I stopped to consider what my actions could set in motion, I'd have never stepped on the plane. Jerry would have still been in the military, have gotten far better medical care and may have added several years to his life. It is very possible I'd not be here alone. My actions began a series of events that have ended up hurting me more than anyone else. Life altered in an unexpected direction. I had choices. I could have made a different one.

If different choices had been made in this current family situation, at least 20 people would have taken different paths. Their lives would very possibly have been radically different. Their choices would have been effected. It is unfortunate that we can't see the effects of choices. Of course, the next generation had choices and in this instance one person's terrible choices have lead to the heartbreak of a dozen.

Joshua said to the Hebrew children "Choose you this day whom you will serve. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

A man chooses to buy a gun for protection. He shoots his neighbor. A child decided, against parental instruction to play ball in the front yard and is hit by a car. Choices made.

Life will not be easy no matter the choices we make. I speak from experience. It will hurt in unbearable ways. Tragedy will happen. People will get sick, die, break, wound. But the choices we all make will affect these things. Consider the choices you make, look down the highway, consider the path you walk or drive. How will your life be affected by the direction you take? How will those you love be affected? Who will feel the repercussions of your choices?

You can't predict everything but you can lessen the impact of your choices if you simply choose this day whom you serve.

The Road to Work

Monday ... again. I truly despise Mondays.

I spent a miserable day yesterday. I won't do that again. Actually, I think last year may have been equally miserable but haven't checked the blog. I went to the cemetery and left some flowers. Another difficult task yesterday.

Mike and I went to church last night and I simply sat and cried nearly the whole service. Fortunately, I belong to a group to which it is not weird so one doesn't have to be embarrassed to show one's emotions. They pray for you. And prayer helps.

This road is filled with pitfalls and potholes. They are unavoidable. Darkness falls regularly. There are lights there in the darkness. Thank you to the friends who came by and offered encouragement. . . ."In the multitude of counselors there is safety." Prov. 11:14

Today I go into the mines where there is little to light the way. I am trying to find some way to make myself less negative about my job. I believe negative energy multiplies and I really don't want to be encompassed by it. I have no choice but to work. So, I have to get my head on straight so I'm not constantly miserable at my work. There are days I pray and ask God not to let anyone come in and not to let the phone ring. A lot of times it works. But I'm not silly. People have problems and questions. I'm having trouble coping with my own and dealing with theirs is very difficult.

Anyway, I have to get moving. I wasn't going to post anything this morning but decided that I needed to at least make up for the crappy one yesterday. At the moment, the sun is shinning, although a bit weakly. I hope the rain holds off.

Blue Skies

The afternoon is quite warm but filled with sunshine and blue skies. I've decided to come out and sit on the front porch and post a blog. I've not been posting much. Mainly because life is, at this point, fairly banal. Floods tend to be exciting, even if devastating for the victims. I am blessed to live on higher ground. But it is a bit anticlimactic. It is kind of like watching a ball game.

Today, I'm not going to be false. I'm probably going to post what I feel. I've been fighting all day with myself trying to tell myself that I was silly or stupid or foolish. It hasn't worked. And since I can't just fall apart because I have someone here, I might as well spill my guts on my blog. That way people can simply walk away if they get disgusted or mad.

Mike and I went to church this morning and had lunch together. I was glad he was with me even though it was my treat. It was not a good morning for me. I got no card and no flowers and no calls before I went to church. Mike said happy mother's day while I was getting ready for church. I finally called to see if Sarah and Becca were going. No.

So Mike and I went. But all I could think of through the whole service was that Jerry would have bought me a card or maybe flowers. I would have gotten a hug and probably a kiss. I told myself to stop feeling sorry for myself. But it didn't feel like pity. It felt like . . . being thrown away.

I finally got a text message from David to say Happy mother's day. My aunt and my sister Roselynn called a few minutes ago. I'm sorry, I did get a card from my sister Phyllis a few days ago. And that was nice. But for some reason, none of it was the least special. I felt like an after thought to my children. And the rose the church gave to all the mothers was simply painful.

I wanted to crawl up somewhere, in a hole and disappear because I felt like I already had and I hadn't noticed.

I don't think holidays will ever mean much anymore. Every one that has passed since Jerry died has become meaningless to me. They are pointless waste of time and energy, usually mine. Jerry made mother's day, anniversary and my birthday special. I did the Thanksgiving and Christmas, his birthday and father's day. But now, one day simply runs into another. I'm not special to anyone. There are no hugs, no hands to hold, no pats on the back, no nothing. I get up and go to bed. It isn't fun anymore and there is nothing to look forward to.

I know, depressing. And I've battled the thought all day. But I've decided its fine. This is what I have to learn to deal with, to live with if I am to live at all. I'm not special. Other people surely have it worse. It just seems silly that I didn't see this before. And it makes me angry that I didn't. This was not what I was dreaming of at 12. Or 20. Or 30. There were supposed to be forever days to keep you going. You know, a really wonderful day to hang onto until the next one rolled around and they came around every few months. Only now they don't. None of them are wonderful.

So, maybe for me it would be best to just ignore these days, to step out of the norm and not do the usual thing. Make no contact and expect none. I should have taken off and shut the house and left everyone at home and found some pool somewhere I could sit and read beside with a swim every hour. No one would notice I wasn't here. I wouldn't be expecting anything.

Half Gone

It is Saturday night and I'm exhausted. I got a late start this morning, not arising until 9:30. I paid bills and sat around until nearly 1 when I picked up Mike and we went for a hotdog at Sonic. Then we went to buy groceries for him. We shopped again for tennis shoes or whatever they call them these days. I bought a pair for me. He found a pair but we had gone to Burlington to look at their selection (where I got mine). I was tied by the time we finished and we will have to go back. He went online and signed in at their site to get a coupon sent to him. That will save us a little bit and we can get them next week.

The roads are improving with several of the busiest thoroughfares now open. However, huge ponds of water still stand where they shouldn't. More rain will not help this.

Tomorrow is Mother's day. I do not anticipate any sort of celebration. Mike will go to church with me as usual. Dave is working. Becca says she and Sarah will go with us but we shall see. I don't know what else to say. I did feel sorry for Mike today. He saw some flowers and was looking at them a long time. He said, "If I had any money I'd buy those." Some things are so tragic that words do not covey how you feel.

I brought three pair of shoes this weekend. I probably wasted a good bit on the two pair of street shoes. One is a really lovely pair of low heels and the other are slip-ons with normal heel. The slip-ons I thought I could wear today instead of my usual shoes. I was too cool for sandals. Don't know why. I'm just cold-natured these days. Anyway, my feet were killing me when I walked at all. Sitting they were fine but walking was awful. So, I may have a problem wearing them as I got them to wear to work. I am frustrated because I can't seem to find any shoes anywhere anymore that don't hurt me. I simply can't walk because the shoes have no insole padding in them. And buying a bigger shoe will cause them to slid on my feet. I am wearing a pair of black house slippers now that are about all I can wear.

Ok, I'm tired and going to bed. I hope you all have a happy mother's day tomorrow.

Follow Me Friday

Downhill

I have been a bit busy. Went back to work yesterday. I do have something to post regarding my day Tuesday but have not had time to do it. I was tired last night and simply sat down and watched my shows on Hulu.

Today it feels like something is waiting to pounce. I hate that feeling. I have no defenses against it except pray for the day to go well and that no harm fall on those I love. If you've read the blog much you know I get these things now and then, with no good effect. I've begun making a habit of noting when I get these feelings. I have to have a reference point and I have to pay attention. If it is just beans I'd like to know. And I'd not mind it at all. We can all have a laugh. But if it is something else, I kind of want to know how to address it.

All right, off to work now. Hope you all have a good day. The weekend is nearing for some of you. Still a day away for me.

Cheating and God: Study ties willingness to cheat, viewpoint on what God is like - latimes.com

The telling statement in this article is "The take-home message is not whether you believe in God, but what God you believe in."

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Personally, and I'm sure there will be oppositions to it, I believe in a God of love, peace, integrity, and judgment. He doesn't think I can attain perfection, he simply expects me to try my hardest to attain the highest mark I am capable of. We are capable of far more than we believe. Honest, sincere effort in any endeavor is what counts. Failure is understood but just as I expect my children to get back on the horse, so too does the God of my faith expect me to do so. But knowing to do good and not doing it is sin. Just because a person thinks God loves them is not a licenses to cheat, steal or kill.

My mama always said a person who would steal would also kill. A thief was no better than a murder in the end. For her wrong was wrong was wrong.

Ok, this was interesting but they are simply stating what Christians have said for at least 2000 years. It isn't news except to the ignorant.

Armadillos and leprosy: The animals pass the disease to humans, study finds - latimes.com

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Who would have guessed! Thankfully, I've never been tempted to try this "treat".

A Morning Without Rain

That's a good title for a book!

The rain has stopped. I woke up to cloudy skies and the phone ringing around 9 a.m. Immediately I stepped outside to see that the water has again receded back toward the drain but it is by no means gone. There is just too much water in the system for the drains to handle it quickly. All the water here empties into the Ohio River and it is out of its banks. Any drainage areas are already inundated and can't handle run off from the streets.

This is the major problem of building cities along river banks. Water doesn't soak into streets and drives. They acts as sluices and the water rushes along them to the lowest point. What you get is backed up drains.

About half the sewers in Evansville are over 100 yrs old. They've been doing major replacement for about 5 years but it is time consuming to dig up whole streets and lay new drain and put the streets back. Weinbach, one of the streets I have to come down to get to my house, was completely torn up for three years while they replaced the entire system beneath it. It was the biggest mess and a huge inconvenience. And the money for such projects has to be obtained from .... taxpayers.

We do have fewer problem in my neighborhood. This is the 4th time in 20 years I've seen water like this on my street. But the rain we have had this past few weeks exceeds the 1937 flood levels. Our levee held but the water simply backed up or over flowed in areas where there was no levee and spread out across the region and tri-state area. This is where the borders of Indiana, Illinois and Kentucky converge as well as the Wabash and Ohio Rivers, two major rivers. I suspect just slightly further downriver where the Missouri and Mississippi converge it is in a similar state so there is nowhere for the excess from the Ohio-Wabash to go but across land. Land that is already saturated by lots of rain. It is like pouring water over a full sponge.

I'm going to get dressed and see if I can get out of the area for a short time. I'm feeling house bound today. I want to see if I can escape. May take the camera with me if I do.Although, I suspect everyone is sick of the videos by now. And I look terrible! Must do the hair today.

I think I see a bit of watery sunshine! Oh... I do. Ta Ta For Now!

Ariel View of Flooding

If you want to take a bird's eye view of our situation, here it is. You will see the are where Mike and I filmed today. Watch for the circular track or the twin bridges. That is where we crossed the river and filmed. This is truly shocking.

Man Dressed as Cow Steals Milk | NBC Washington

Link
Not sure what the cow was thinking.... but it is nice to read something that does not concern politics, war, storms, or violence for a change. Be sure and watch the video.

A New Car!

There she is.... ain't she purty!

Mid-Week Run

I'm back to work and I have had a headache all day long. My knees are
not real happy either. The weather is presumably the culprit since a
co-worker is having the knee problem, too.

I've had a sore throat since yesterday and I suspect walking in the
rain on Monday may be responsible for that. The headache may be a
symptom of this as well. I'm tired and don't feel well but I've
managed to shuffle through a move briefing this morning and this
afternoon, preparing the next months appointments.

Five can't arrive too soon for me. I'm really very tired and want to
take something and lie down. The rest of the week is shaping up to be
a dud.

You all know there is a new car in the parking lot. Well, new to me.
2010 Chrysler Sebring Touring. White Gold with black interior. Roomier
than my Focus and looks a lot nicer, too. I think I got a fairly good
deal and my payment is lower... but the insurance went up so I didn't
get ahead on it. I do like it and am relieved that I have a way to get
about. I don't have to call someone or postpone a trip.

While I had to postpone my overseas trip for the end of May, I have
not canceled my vacation completely. I have to do something to get
away from all this. Really get away. I want to go somewhere that I can
simply sit down and relax and not be expected to do anything for
anyone.

I have to work on the writing a bit more this week. I didn't get to do
anything while I was off. The house was filled and I was on the road
most of the days I was off. When I got home from car shopping I was
ready to drop.

Writer's meeting is tomorrow night but I don't know how many will
show. So far I'm only expecting five of us but that's plenty to go
with. Must clean up a bit this evening but it isn't that bad, really.
Just straightening up and putting away anything we left lying around.

I'm off now until I get home. Will try an post photos tonight.

Did I say it was nice to have a car again?

Rainy Days and Monday

Poured rain most of the night. More to come if you believe the weather maps. Lots more.

We haven't gone car hunting yet. We will later today. I have to take Dave to work and Becca to an interview. He would have done that but had to start his job and she doesn't drive... well, she doesn't have a license. And this afternoon I have to drop her at another appointment. So, my car hunting is going to be punctuated by running for others. I also have Sarah during all this. Not sure how effective we'll be in the car department. But I'm glad Dave got a job so I don't mind so much. And tomorrow I'll ban everyone from the house.

I shall post updates as they occur.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Rain, pouring rain all weekend long and no end in sight! I have to shop for a car in the pouring rain! This is just dreadful.

No, we did not hunt eggs. We could float them but didn't. I'm not sorry and Sarah doesn't know she missed a thing. They had bags of candy filled eggs for the children this morning so she was fine with it. Although, we do not let her sit and eat candy.

I came home and worked on the sweater this afternoon. My aunt and uncle are on their way here. I expect them around seven but we will be at church. I've left them a way into the house so they won't have to sit in the car for two hours. I'm on my way out now, into the downpour and will return later.

Ahoy there, maties! Heave to and hoist the mainsail!

Fit for A King

I'm all dressed in my Easter finery and waiting for my chariot... well, my ride to church. Everyone will be going today but Dave and he has to work.

I know there are numerous folks will be making merry with prize eggs and bunnies and chicks. We didn't do eggs this weekend because it has been pouring rain for days and would only be a mess. I don't particularly miss it. I don't believe in Easter bunnies and eggs. I loved hunting the as a child but you can hunt eggs any time.

There will be numerous folks all decked out today the way we will be. They will be excited because they have a new outfit and will look the best they have looked in a long time.

I not need to search in an empty tomb for the prize. I am dressed in a new garment that bears neither spot or wrinkle. The prize lies in the fact that the tomb is empty. Everyone can win and everyone can wear a garment fit for a King because He lives.

A Real Friday, At Last!

I'm home today. Didn't get up until 8:30. I had to take Dave to his new job and keep Sarah for Becca to have a glucose tolerance test at the lab. She's in the sandbox and I'm here watching out the window. She will start daycare on Monday for Becca to do the Impact program through the state. This, I hope will all help them get on their feet. Impact is a program designed to help families find jobs and become self sufficient. It doesn't work for many because until you have a job you have to go to class. Most of the recipients are lazy I know. They're on my program and more than a few get sanctioned for refusing to participate. Most do it because while in the program you can get financial assistance as well.

Anyway, I'm here in the dinning room/den watching out the window as she sails across the yard in her bakery sandbox. She is always baking. I suspect that someday, Sarah may want to be a cook.

I took a break of about 30 minutes and washed dishes and vacuumed up sand.... The rain started and Sarah has had to come inside. Once I was done with chores, we opened doors and windows and let the freshening breeze blow through the house. We spent several minutes on the porch watching the rain but I am getting pretty tired of opening doors, moving kitchens, and other items. She doesn't seem to like playing alone. I never had the problem with the boys and can only assume it is because she has adults home with her all day.

Becca says she plays in her room but since we don't actually have a play room that's not possible. And she doesn't like going in any room here alone. I've never understood that about her. She always acts as if someone is going to jump out at her.

She just wanted to close the door and I told her no that I liked the breeze. She said, "O.k. I'm going out here and ignore you." I told her, "That's o.k. I'll ignore you, too." Her cold shoulder lasted about two minutes. She is developing her manipulation techniques. I'm not easily manipulated.

It is going on 11 now and I really need to get up and do several things... namely sleeves.

Oh, I wanted to thank everyone for their comments on The Watcher. That story has not been really edited. I did a few grammar checks and spell check but not much else. I was just glad to get something on paper. I like the way the picture generated ideas.

I'm off to do something else. HRH is calling.

Tis Thursday!

Eight hours between me and a long weekend! I am so thankful.

I went to bed before midnight last night. Is that not astounding? In fact, I think I was in bed before 11:30. At any rate, this morning is the first in ages that I have not had to get up and feel as if I were still in the middle of a deep sleep. I was sleepy but not as much as usual. I hope today will productive and wakeful.

I must get to bed before 10. That is the goal to shoot for. I think it was the summer after Jerry died when I was doing that and I was not having nearly the pain problems I've had since. Could have been last summer but I don't think so. I can't actually separate those two years ... odd. I mean, they seem to be blended when I try and think "did I do that in 09 or 10".

Sun is shinning but 43 is not warm. I'm o.k. with it. It is still too early for 80 degree weather. I don't think it is good for plants and animals either. But it would be lovely to have a nice 68 degree weekend... without rain. I want to dye eggs with Sarah and hunt eggs. I want to look for a car and dry weather is better for that.

I didn't crochet last night. I watched television shows on HULU. I actually cooked food. Had black-eyed peas!

Oh... got to run. Time to leave for work.

Howdy Neighbor!

That's what I've been saying to Sarah lately when I see her. She now says it to me with a grin.

I've been busy as a bee. Just got back from the bank. I got two more refund checks on the car loan! I can't figure out where it is coming from! But that means another $500 on the down payment. I'm very glad for all that.

I've finished the shawl. Did I tell that already? I finished it Sunday. And now I need to work on the sweater. Or jacket, as Sarah called it. I've been writing a short piece based on a one of my computer wallpapers. I'll post it for you soon as I feel it is finished.

I've been working on my story for the group critique. Not sure what I'll have done but we shall see. I'm struggling with structure.

I do not sleep well at all without the doxepin. But the trade off is I'm exhausted all day the next day, as if I didn't get enough sleep. So, starting today I'm taking it every other night. I'm hoping once I adjust to it, I can go back to every night. Either way, the sleep is much better with than without. I had a restless night last night without and had a nightmare. I also have more aches and pains without it. The dizziness I've been plagued with is better but no completely gone. I still get mild bouts of it and my ears still fell a bit congested. I can't get to physical therapy for it because I have no way to go.....

Same old song.

I'm going to bed earlier tonight. I did last night and that may be why I was restless. I don't know. I slept but kept waking up, particularly after the nightmare. Very unsettling. I don't handle them so well anymore. Used to, if I woke from one, I would be fine once I woke and saw Jerry. Now, I look around at the doors and windows because I feel as if I'm being watched. Not fun when you've dreamed something is after you or whatever I dreamed. And when I go back to sleep it is a nervous sleep rather than a good rest. I'll wake a couple more times with a start.

I'm on my way to shower and more comfortable clothing. Hope your evening is pleasant.

The Universal Prayer

Lord, I believe in you: increase my faith.
I trust in you: strengthen my trust.
I love you: let me love you more and more.
I am sorry for my sins: deepen my sorrow.

I worship you as my first beginning,
I long for you as my last end,
I praise you as my constant helper,
and call on you as my loving protector.

Guide me by your wisdom,
correct me with your justice,
comfort me with your mercy,
protect me with your power.

I offer you, Lord, my thoughts: to be fixed on you;
my words: to have you for their theme;
my actions: to reflect my love for you;
my sufferings: to be endured for your greater glory.

I want to do what you ask of me:
in the way you ask,
for as long as you ask,
because you ask it.

Lord, enlighten my understanding,
strengthen my will,
purify my heart,
and make me holy.

Help me to repent of my past sins
and to resist temptation in the future.
Help me to rise above my human weaknesses
and to grow stronger as a Christian.

Let me love you, my Lord and my God,
and see myself as I really am:
a pilgrim in this world,
a Christian called to respect and love
all whose lives I touch,
those in authority over me
or those under my authority,
my friends and my enemies.

Help me to conquer anger with gentleness,
greed by generosity,
apathy by fervor.
Help me to forget myself
and reach out toward others.

Make me prudent in planning,
courageous in taking risks.
Make me patient in suffering,
unassuming in prosperity.

Keep me, Lord, attentive at prayer,
temperate in food and drink,
diligent in my work,
firm in my good intentions.

Let my conscience be clear,
my conduct without fault,
my speech blameless,
my life well-ordered.

Put me on guard against my human weaknesses.
Let me cherish your love for me,
keep your law,
and come at last to your salvation.

Teach me to realize that this world is passing,
that my true future is the happiness of heaven,
that life on earth is short,
and the life to come eternal.

Help me to prepare for death
with a proper fear of judgment,
but a greater trust in your goodness.
Lead me safely through death
to the endless joy of heaven.

Grant this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

~ Attributed to Pope Clement XI (23 July 1649 – 19 March 1721)

Sailing with Sarah

I'm sitting on the patio at the moment. When I got home Dave and Becca were cutting my yard. It looks very nice now with the grass cut and green. Sarah was pretending the patio is a ship and she was the crew. We were the passengers. Now she has found her way to the sandbox and is playing.

There is a cool breeze blowing and the sun has now begun to set. I will soon go inside and get ready for bed. I like my back yard and this time of year is always my favorite. I wish I didn't have to work. I'd be back here all day.

The Cardinals are back and chirping up a storm. The bright red is clearly visible in the new foliage of the trees. I saw two males earlier. They'll find a lady to fight over and soon there will be a pair and the lone male will have to find a new territory.

I will close this now and get something to eat.

Wednesday Nite Visit

Sarah came over tonight because she had cabin fever and had overwhelmed her parents. She's been just fine. Played in the sandbox, watched a move, got a bath and played till Dave picked her up at 9. I think she was in a good mood and but was suffering cabin fever. She sees the same people all the time and gets bored.

I am going to bed. My medicine is working. I've been sleeping hard and fast and so I'm going to keep doing it. We canceled the writer's meeting tomorrow night. I have nothing written. I was sick for a couple of weeks and this last week I've been exhausted. The doxepin makes me sleep really good but I have to get enough hours or I'm tired the next day. I haven't got it balanced yet.

So, off to bed I go. TTFN

Euphemisms

I have always loved language and particularly the English language. We
speakers of English, both the pure English and those who bastardize
it, have found strange and often amusing expressions to describe what
we think and feel. One source of a great number of our expressions
comes from the Bible. I said once I'd post some of them.

Today I ran across one that reminded me.

Take "He's half-baked." That's in the Bible. Hosea 7:8 says: "Ephraim,
he hath mixed himself among the people; Ephraim is a cake not turned.
" Ephraim is half-baked.

Another is "I escaped by the skin of my teeth." Job 19:20 says: My
bone cleaveth to my skin and to my flesh, and I am escaped with the
skin of my teeth.

I'll drop these in as I run across them.

Solar Roads?

The wave of the future? And an absolutely brilliant idea!
http://www.wimp.com/solarhighways/

And Back to Saturday Again

I am finishing off my coffee and getting ready to take a hot shower so I can sit and pay bills. I went to bed a bit later than I intended but not as late as usual. I spent my evening watching t.v. shows on HULU and crocheting the shawl.

Last Saturday as I was getting in my sister's car the car door fell on me and as I wasn't in the car, it hit the side of my head just over the lobe of my left ear and my head was slammed into the roof of the car on the right side. Basically, my head was smacked on both sides. It hurt so bad I sat in the car and cried for about five minutes. And I knew it was going to be very painful before it was over. I have had pain all week in the left side of my neck and back. A migraine resulted on Friday and I had to take a pill for that. The pain simply grew worse each day until yesterday. There wasn't much I could do to prevent it.

Care for a rehash of the last month? Feb 27 car totaled. First two weeks of March spend wrestling with no car, insurance and stress resulting for both. Third week, dizzy spell from fluid behind the ears resulting in hours spent in ER and a week where I felt horrible all week. Fourth week, smack on the head and pain all week with headache and dizziness.

I am glad March is over.

The writer's meeting went well last Thursday. I think I mentioned it but maybe not. You can see above that the whole month has been pretty rotten. Even the weather didn't cooperate much. I can only say the dizzy spells have improved with my taking the antihistamine. I had a follow up doctor's appointment yesterday and he is sending me to physical therapy to see if the last of the dizziness can be dealt with that way. If you look up vertigo treatments you will find that PT is used as treatment for some cases.

I need to go find eye glasses but again, I'm needing transportation to do so. I think I really need them because my eyes have just bothered me a lot more recently. Of course the dizziness may be a culprit.

This afternoon I am going to the Home Show with Carolyn. She got free tickets and invited me. This is basically a huge vendor show at the stadium where you can look at things to improve your home and buy services and things you want. I don't know that I want anything but it can be interesting. On thinking about it this morning, I'm not sure it was a good idea. The walking isn't fun on concrete floors and my neck doesn't like being turned a lot.

The above was written at 8:41 a.m. this morning. It is now 1:20 and I'm eating lunch after doing some laundry, cleaning and arranging my bedroom back the way it was when Jerry died. The dust was terrible. I still have several loads of laundry and more dusting to do. My allergies are really bad and so I have to get this under control.

I got all the bills paid. Then, I got a note from the state in the mail saying Mike was cut off his food stamp assistance because he quit his job for no reason. So, now I have to find a way to feed him. I've filed an appeal. He didn't quit the job. He went in to get his form completed for the food stamp program and the guy told him he had quit. We had no way to do anything about it. I'm hoping that the job he had a Clark Security will fix it but no clue.

I now have to go get dressed to go to the Home Show. Carolyn will be here in 30 minutes.