Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Sunshine & Shadows

I've had a slow morning. I got my coffee and then decided I was going to buy some fabric and make Sarah some skorts. I've been to Wal-mart and bought what is needed to make three skorts and two dresses. I will try and cut them out this evening and make them tomorrow. I can make the skorts in a few hours. The dresses will take a bit more time as they have rick-rack to apply around the waists. I'll post some photos later of the material.

I planned to work in the office and clear it out in preparation to sanding that wall and getting it fixed. But I have all that furniture to move and it is heavy. I'm having some issues from moving things yesterday when I was cleaning. I may not get to the office until tomorrow. I sent Mike home. I needed space.

I have too much stuff. I don't need it. I don't need this big house and huge yard. But I'm here. I need to get rid of some things and get new ones. The huge china cabinet I bought second hand needs to be replaced. The huge desk we bought with matching bookcases. I want to get rid of the desk but not the bookcases. I want a smaller desk. Then there is all the stuff I can't seem to get rid of. Oh, I've gotten rid of a lot but there is more. Too much more.

I've done very little the last four days that amounts to a vacation. I've had very little fun either. I've found myself at the cemetery more this week than I have been in a year. I don't know why. I was remembering today how so much of the last five years we'd not been able to do anything together because the money was a mess and he simply couldn't do anything but fall asleep sitting up. I was unhappy for a long time, nothing has changed, just intensified. I missed him long before he died and I was angry because I didn't understand why he wasn't "there". Now, I know why he isn't here and I'm not angry. I'm unendingly sad and lonely.

There are no simple pursuits. My life was built around another person and now it is just scaffolding standing on an empty plain. It is easy to say "find something you enjoy doing". Everything I've ever loved doing required companionship. I actually like working on the house and yard. I actually like going places and seeing new things. I actually like watching a good movie and laughing at a good joke. I like going to dinner. It is not fun doing these along and some require help. I don't actually want to leave my house anymore. The thought of going anywhere makes me tired. I can sit here for days and stare out the windows. I can crochet. I can clean. I can probably sew. But not constantly. Boredom sets in and I have to stop. Days stretch ahead of me and I haven 't got one clue what to do with them.

I realized last night that I had to plan today or I'd waste another day. At this point, I've managed to use the first half shopping for fabric and visiting the cemetery. This afternoon, I'm hoping I can cut out these skorts. But I'm sitting here resting the leg, which seems to be unhappy that I've required it to walk! From my lower back to my ankle just hurts. I stopped at the pharmacy and bought some more pain medicine to see if it will help. It does at night so we'll see. However, I took it over an hour ago and it isn't better.

I watched show last night called The KGB Psychic Files. Actually it was very interesting and I heard a lot of stuff that shocked me because it fit in with my Simon story as if it were part of it! It was a bit eerie hearing some of my imagination being spouted back at me as a done deal, nearly 100 years ago! Oh please don't tell me there is no such thing as "psychic" ability. Since I seem to "know" things sometimes, and I dream of people dying and they do, and since my grandmother "knew" things, you've come a bit late to tell me that it isn't real. Since I didn't "request" that ability I don't know where it comes from, I just know it is. And since I've prayed NOT to have it and that hasn't worked, I suspect it isn't optional, but standard equipment for humans. It appears we have different strengths and aspects of these abilities. I don't know the triggers or who decides who gets what aspect. I'd much rather be able to pick lottery numbers, particularly since it is currently $200 million.

Besides, we know that the US government funded the remote viewing program for a long time. We know because the documents are there to prove it. They say they no longer have the program. I suspect the simply graduated to something similar. It was apparently useful while they used it. How much so depends on who you ask. There are now "schools" that "teach" it. Google it and you'll see.

I also remembered that if we can imagine it, it can happen. There is Biblical evidence for this in Proverbs. Solomon, you know, the wisest guy who ever lived, said that there was nothing new under the sun. He basically states that every possible thing that we have ever imagined
or done was already in existence before. Before you get all bent over the introduction of the religious aspect let me remind you that Dick Tracy had a wrist watch telephone and two way radio long before anyone imagined it could be possible. Star Trek had Blue Tooth at least 30
years before it was created. Yes, it did... Lt. O'Hura wore an ear piece in the television show that was a wireless communication device. Google for photos of lieutenant U'hura. You'll see. So, Solomon did not lie. I figure he was just as reliable as the comic strips and television shows.

I had several lines of thought going. I thought that if Russian spies and CIA operatives (nice word for spies) could use their minds to this extent, there is nothing impossible for human beings. And if human minds are capable of this much power, how much more so is the mind of God. If we are capable of such power and these abilities are being used in this manner, it is no wonder God hid the tree of life. Whatever they are, wherever they come from, the potential is there. So is the potential for abuse and misuse.We are such horrid creatures and can't be trusted to do good with anything we've been given. If you watch this movie you'll see what I mean. The things the people with these abilities did were absolutely horrible.

I think I'll stop now. It is still hot out but actually it isn't as bad as yesterday, I think. It is nearly 1:30 and only 87 degrees. This time yesterday it was nearly 94. So, a large drop. And I think the humidity is a tad less. I'll go out or I'll sit here and try to write.

Whatever.

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