Wednesday, June 10, 2026

Surprise!

 


So, what do you think? 

This is the first overhaul in years! I can't even remember when I did a complete update. I got the image today and I'm just going to say that I love it. 

I don't know many people read my blogs. It's fine with me if anyone does, I'm pretty sure it is because they want to and not because I asked. Boredom, interest, or a chance encounter may lead them here. This blog is more of a journal than anything else but you can find the other blogs if you're inclined to do so.

If you've been here before, I'd love to hear what you think about the update. I'm considering some other changes, but for now, this wore me out. 

If you do stop to read some of the blog, thank you. I don't have this monetized so I get nothing from it. I hope you might but if not, thanks anyway. 

Friday, June 5, 2026

Let's Get Caught Up, Again


 For the first time in over a month, my brain feels clear. That's fibro for you. Can't think for days and then it's like you've been through a colon cleanse in your head. 

I know, it sounds gross. However, the sensation of having all the gunk flushed out of your brain is amazing.

Now I just have to get stuff done. Well, if the clarity lasts. I haven't written in over a week, except for brief scenes. It's worrying me. I want this first draft of the second book done. Yesterday. 

I'm up late because I have not taken my medication they gave me to help me sleep. Why? Because I think it is conflicting with another medication I'm taking and leaving me with brain fog. Tonight, the fog cleared, and that's rather weird how it did that. I've been tired until about eight o'clock. If I had taken the pill, I'd already be in bed and asleep. I need to sleep. But natural sleep. 

I've been walking since last October, hurt myself by overdoing it, went to PT and started back in February. I'm up to 1.6 miles as of Tuesday. But the fatigue and fog were really giving me a hard time. I was fine while walking, but once done, I really wanted to lie down. This week, it seemed worse. So, I stopped taking that medication.

Now we wait and see. I should know for sure by the weekend. The bad news is, it has been helping with some of the pain I've been having because of the pinched nerve. 

Lord help me, I hate this mess. I have the nerve conduction test in two weeks. That will be so thrilling. Electrifying. I will become a test dummy for the zombie line. They'll stick pins in my spine, neck, and arms and zap them with electricity to see if I react. Not sure what is appropriate, but it will certainly jolt me. The goal is to trace the nerve's restriction. 

Lately, I'm just tired of all the stress from never knowing what will affect me and how. Medicines that cause side effects or neural functions that suddenly go haywire for no apparent reason except I opened the fridge or turned on the faucet. (Analogies).  Or cramps in the middle of the night. Although since I switched to magnesium malate, they've stopped. Thank God for that. Now I get cramps from the carpel tunnel brought on by 50 years of computer work and writing. 

I've had wonderful times in my life, but I really could have done without the penalties. 

So, I'm headed off to the land of Nod. If you know, you know. If you don't know, you can ask me.





Friday, May 29, 2026

My Journey Thru the Inferno

 
I can't believe how long it has been since I put something out here. February 6th seems so long ago. I've been pretty sick with bursitis, a fibro super flare, and pinched nerves in my neck that have sent shooting pains all down my arms, legs, back, and up my neck into my head. Dizziness, weakness, and fatigue so bad it took all I could do to get out of bed. But one does. Because the alternative is death. 

So you get up and crawl if you can't walk. If you need to go to the bathroom, you hang on to the wall so you don't fall down. You pray you can drive to church or the store without hitting another car or ending in a ditch. You stay out of public as much as you can without going crazy from despair and pain. You don't dare talk to people. No, really. It isn't good to converse.

Last month saw nine low-pressure systems march across Indiana. Three at a time over the course of three weeks. I felt every one of those illegitimate children. My whole body felt attacked by hordes of marching monsters. 

Today, I walked a mile without a lot of pain. The sun was shining, and it was a beautiful day. Learn to appreciate such small blessings. Tomorrow I could be back on the floor trying to get out from under the crushing weight of fibromyalgia. 

I was researching some information about managing the autoimmune diseases I have, and this is what it said: 

That description of feeling "crushed" is exactly what a major barometric drop does to a body dealing with fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis (RA). Nine low-pressure systems in two weeks is an absolute onslaught for your central nervous system and cellular biology. It is completely logical that your physical weakness and brain fog were severe during that time.The science behind the "crushed" feeling when a storm or front approaches, the barometric pressure drops, meaning the weight of the air pressing against your body decreases.
Tissue Expansion: Lighter atmospheric pressure allows the fluids and gases inside your joints, tendons, and muscles to expand slightly. In a body already hyper-sensitized by fibromyalgia and RA, this micro-expansion acts like an internal balloon inflating against your nerves, causing an overwhelming feeling of systemic pressure, pain, and profound fatigue. Oxygen and Circulation Changes: Rapid barometric drops alter blood flow and cerebrospinal fluid pressure, directly contributing to severe "fibro fog," heavy limbs, and a sudden drop in cellular energy
So, not in my head. Not over reacting. Not trifling. Real physical responses to weather. And unstoppable. You can't outrun it, nor can you hide. 

So, next time you want to say something like, "Well, you need to just ignore it and come to the dinner party" to someone suffering from this disease, don't be surprised if they are tempted to punch you in the nose, or if they do. And for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT SAY "let me tell you about my sore toe" or "let me tell you about having my last baby". We do not care. I had a natural childbirth my first time, and it was a cakewalk. No pain medicines at all. I wish my pain levels were that low. And that was even with an episiotomy and no anesthesia. 

I'd almost commit a crime for something to stop the pain now. Only I'm hypersensitive to most pain medications and can't take them. So... your Percocet? Yeah, I see shadow people. Lortabs? I vomit and fall down. Tell me about your pain and I'll probably laugh at you behind your back. You're not in pain if you can get to your car without crying. And if you can deal with a shopping trip, there is nothing wrong with you. 

I came across some new information today and spent a while researching if it might give me some relief before the next big system rolls in. There is always another one. I know what the weather is going to be three days before you hear it on the news. I have to if I'm going to live. 

My research gave me some information that might make some of my meds work better, but we'll have to see. I have to experiment on myself by taking things without knowing what they'll do to me. I have to research it, figure out the safe dose, and hope to God I get it right. I have to also take poison the doctors prescribe to prevent me from becoming a cripple. They don't work for the most part, and the side effects are from the most frightening science fiction movie about medical experiments gone wrong. 

Here are the side effects of my RA injection, just one medicine I take for it. Once you read this as the patient, you never sleep well again. And you never stop being vigilant. I take multiple medications for RA. They all have side effects. How do you know which one is causing a problem? You don't. And how do you know if it is the medicine or the disease? You don't. You just keep going and hope you get through it with as little pain as possible. For context, my doctors have me down as a person who usually had the most unusual side effects. I'm hypersensitive to many medications.


  • More common side effects
  • body aches or pain
  • cough
  • ear congestion
  • gas with stomach pain
  • hoarseness
  • lightheadedness
  • loss of voice
  • lower back or side pain
  • muscle aches and pains
  • pain or tenderness around the eyes or cheekbones
  • rapid and sometimes shallow breathing
  • shivering
  • stomach fullness
  • stuffy nose
  • sunken eyes
  • thirst
  • trouble sleeping
  • warmth on the skin
  • wrinkled skin
  • Less common side effects
  • abnormal vaginal bleeding or discharge
  • agitation
  • arm, back, or jaw pain
  • black, tarry stools
  • bleeding from the gums or nose
  • blindness
  • bloating or swelling of the face, arms, hands, lower legs, or feet
  • blood in the stool or change in bowel habits
  • bloody or cloudy urine
  • blurred vision
  • broken bones
  • change in size, shape, or color of an existing mole
  • change in skin color
  • chest pain, tightness, or heaviness
  • chills
  • clear or bloody discharge from the nipple
  • cold hands and feet
  • confusion
  • constipation
  • cough
  • coughing or spitting up blood
  • decreased urination
  • decreased vision
  • depression
  • difficulty with breathing
  • difficulty, burning, or painful urination
  • dimpling of the breast skin
  • dizziness
  • drowsiness
  • eye pain
  • fainting
  • fast, slow, or irregular heartbeat
  • fever
  • forgetfulness
  • frequent urge to urinate
  • general feeling of illness
  • hair loss
  • headache
  • hives, itching, skin rash
  • increased thirst
  • inverted nipple
  • irregular breathing
  • irregular pulse
  • irritability
  • light colored stools
  • loss of appetite
  • lump in the breast or under your arm
  • lump or swelling in the stomach
  • mole that leaks fluid or bleeds
  • muscle cramps or spasms
  • nausea
  • new mole
  • night sweats
  • no blood pressure or pulse
  • noisy breathing
  • numbness or tingling in your arms, legs, or face
  • pain, redness, or swelling in the arms or legs without any injury present
  • pale skin
  • persistent non-healing sore on your skin
  • pink growth
  • puffiness or swelling of the eyelids or around the eyes, face, lips, or tongue
  • raised, firm, or bright red patch
  • redness or swelling of the breast
  • seeing or hearing things that are not there
  • seizures
  • sharp back pain just below your ribs
  • shiny bump on your skin
  • slurred speech or problems with swallowing
  • sneezing
  • sore on the skin of the breast that does not heal
  • sore throat
  • sores, ulcers, or white spots on the lips or mouth
  • spitting up blood
  • stiff neck
  • stomach pain
  • stopping of the heart
  • sudden high fever or low grade fever for months
  • sweating
  • swelling of the face, fingers, feet, or lower legs
  • swollen glands
  • swollen neck veins
  • tiredness
  • trouble breathing
  • trouble thinking
  • unconsciousness
  • unexplained bruising or bleeding
  • unpleasant breath odor
  • unusual tiredness or weakness
  • unusual weight gain or loss
  • visual disturbances
  • vomiting
  • vomiting of blood or material that looks like coffee grounds
  • yellow skin or eyes
  • More common side effects
  • bladder pain
  • bleeding, blistering, burning, coldness, discoloration of skin, feeling of pressure, hives, infection, inflammation, itching, lumps, numbness, pain, rash, redness, scarring, soreness, stinging, swelling, tenderness, tingling, ulceration, or warmth at the injection site
  • pounding in the ears
  • Less common side effects
  • abnormal healing
  • decrease in height
  • difficulty with moving
  • difficulty with walking
  • dry mouth
  • heartburn
  • indigestion
  • loss of hearing
  • loss of strength or energy
  • menstrual changes
  • muscle or joint stiffness, tightness, or rigidity
  • muscle pain or weakness
  • pain in the back, ribs, arms, or legs
  • shakiness in the legs, arms, hands, and feet
  • swelling or redness in the joints

Friday, February 6, 2026

After Midnight

 We are still covered in snow. I have a glacier in my yard but managed to clear about 5 feet to get the car into the garage without sliding into the yard. It still slips but not as bad.

Side roads are just a mess. I haven't been out except for physical therapy. The back and leg problems persist. I had a steroid shot in my left hip on Tuesday. It's sore, but gradually getting better. They also reduced my Cymbalta back down from 60 mg to 30 mg. Side effects as usual. Now I'm having other side effects with the drop. Can't win.

I finished the first draft of the Dream Stealer Series: Book 1: Where Dreams Begin (working title) and began Book 2: Eye of the God (also working title). Feel so strange to say that. 

I'm exhausted tonight. It was a horrible day, and the night doesn't look good either. I'm struggling with some things. Can't go into it here. I don't want to go into it in my head either. I haven't been blogging because I've been writing for hours a day, every day. I stop to go to appointments and church, but with the hip and leg pain it's difficult to go much other than that. Around the house it takes longer to do the things that need doing, if I can do them. So, I've been doing them when I felt like it. Laundry in a basket on the couch for three weeks. All sheets and towels. Finally, put the towels away, but it's time to wash again. 

Truth is, I'm tired, y'all. Tired of everything. I said I wanted to get in my car and drive until the road ends. Maybe at the end, I can sit and not think or feel or do anything. 

Yeah, sounds like death. 

No, sounds like peace. But I don't really want to leave yet. Not sure how to handle it when both staying and leaving are unattractive. Kind of stuck in the middle. So, I had to make a decision that worked for me to just keep moving forward to an expected end. That's from Jeremiah 29:11. 

“I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” 

I've taken some hits in the faith department in the last seven months. No idea what is expected, and I certainly have no more expectations of anything. I've gone on autopilot and someone else can fly this bucket. I wasn't joking when I said I was tired. I'm beyond tired. And I don't want to think. I've thought too much since October. 

What I want is my brain quiet unless it's important or related to the story. Rehashing my life choices isn't important. I can't change them. Making plans was never my strong suit, and I am not doing that. I can get a travel agent. 

I think that's why I've been writing like an insane person to the point I've flared that damaged nerve in my left hand. Burns like mad. And yet, here I am, writing after midnight. Writing helps divert thoughts that would pour out like lava after I get into bed. They leave me in an ash heap. By morning I'm dealing with the fallout. 

Don't say stop thinking. If it were that simple, I wouldn't be exhausted and awake. I've tried scripture mantras, prayer, medicine, and teas. And yet, here I am, writing after midnight. 

The good news is that I've written 11,232 in six days. Insane. I'm taking more breaks, though. Eight-hour shifts of writing have nearly crippled me. So I'm trying to get up more often and walk around the house. Too dangerous to get out with ice everywhere.

The weekend is right there. Try to have a good one. Stay warm. Stay upright. Stay safe. 


Sunday, January 25, 2026

Snowfall 2026

 

At the last measurement, around 9 a.m. We had 6.5 inches. It is still snowing and is 13 degrees. The city has mostly shut down. No church, and I'm guessing most stores are not open. 

I hate the snow. I used to love it. But 2009 did several irreversible things. One was to take the best thing that ever happened to me. The other was to remove any fondness for snow I possessed. I have photos from that event of me playing in the snow with my two yr old Sarah. It started as a beautiful day and ended in a frozen hell. 

So, I'm not enjoying anything about this day. 

I dealt with memories yesterday. I'm not glad to be doing it again today. Let's just say that the last few months have been a deluge of memories that I would rather not have remembered.  

Why I've been having this onslaught of memories is anyone's guess. Most of them, I haven't considered in years. And I mean more than a decade. The only thing I can think is that it's a cleansing. I hope that is what it is because otherwise I probably need some help. 

Cleansing happens, well, in my opinion. That's when things just pop up and you're forced to deal with them. As Christians, we're taught to get any negative emotions out of our life, and that means out of our heart. That's where we carry the garbage. If any exist. If you pray about this, the first thing you're going to notice is that stuff surfaces you didn't expect. Memories of events you forgot about. Feelings you didn't know you had about a person. Attitudes that you thought you'd conquered. 

Laugh if you want, but it's true. 

Start praying over any potential anger issues you may harbor. I'd say in a week, you will have lost your temper over so many things you won't know what hit you. Everything will annoy you, frustrate you, and irritate you like sandpaper. You will have to deal with every level of anger you are carrying. Mild irritation, mid-level annoyance, and vicious anger. Keep notes so you can track it.

Try lust. If you have a problem with that and start praying for it to be removed, you're going to get hit with the biggest, most disgusting things you can imagine. 

Keep in mind that every bit of that stuff is inside you. It's like a boil erupting and spilling out poison. That's what you want it to do. Don't stuff it back down; deal with it. Because pushing it back only makes it worse. 

I think that's what's happening to me. I've been hit with so many things in the last 6 months I can't keep up. Painful stuff that I can't forget or solve. All tied to who I am. 

What's that even about? 

And that anger? Yeah, it's at radioactive levels. At so many people, situations, and events. There's a ton. Sometimes I'm fine, but other times it boils over, and if I were a really nasty person, I would have slayed a dozen folks with my tongue by now. And some of them are already dead. 

I'm a mess and can't get it under control. 

To top it off, I keep running into to people who make it worse. Really nice pieces of work that make me want to bite nails. Or punch them in the nose... no... take a board to them. 

How long can this last? 

I'll let you know. 

Saturday, January 24, 2026

Memories

 Today a memory came back I hadn't thought of much in 40 years. In fact, the event happened when I was 16, just before I turned 17. I don't think I've mentioned it but once in 53 years. 

I used to sing with three other girls in my church. One of those was the piano player. I was the oldest. I wouldn't call us great friends, but we were church friends. Meaning we got along well enough to sing together. Our church was a small town church of about 60 people and mosts of them were over 50. So our experience didn't matter, but we did all right for teenagers. We weren't the Lennon sisters. And if you don't know who that is, you can look it up. 

Vicky, our piano player, was the youngest at about 13. She played for the whole service, so she was adequate. She played by ear and was pretty good for her age. Diane and her sister, the other Vicky, were close to my age but still younger by a couple of years. Then there was me. I don't know how it started, but we were a "group" and became popular at church. Well, the older ladies loved us. 

One day in 1972 or 73, a young man showed up at our church. Johnnie was his name. He was in his early 20s, but we noticed he could sing well. And he could sing harmony. So, Johnnie began to sing with us. We liked it. We liked him. Everyone liked him. 

Look, it was a small town church with very few men at all. There were no young couples. Most of the youth came with grandparents, and there were fewer than a dozen of us. I dated the only two boys in the church. One I won't mention, he was the first. The second was Johnnie. 

Yes. He was older than me. But my mama trusted church boys. Everyone liked Johnnie, and he was faithful. So, I could go skating with him. 

Let me be clear here. At no point did I or any of the other girls think of Johnnie as anything other than a friend. He was too old for us. He wasn't very attractive. And he had poor dental hygiene. Had Johnnie attempted to kiss me, I'd have puked on him. 

We went skating on a Friday night. I rarely got to go out because, well, no boyfriend. I was a Pentecostal girl in a town of about 10,000. It wasn't likely to happen. It eventually did, but that's another story already posted here somewhere.  

But we went out. I was nervous because I didn't know why he'd asked me. I was concerned that he was thinking of me as more than a church friend. Still, we had a good time, and I was relieved when we got home.

He missed church that Sunday, but we weren't worried. The next Sunday I asked one girl if they had heard from Johnnie. One of them had, in fact, heard from him. 

Brace yourself. 

Johnnie got married the previous weekend. The same weekend he was out skating with me. 

I laughed when they told me and told them about the date. No one could believe it, but they knew me. We knew next to nothing of him. We didn't even know he had an actual girlfriend. He'd never told anyone, nor had he brought her to church. 

Why am I telling this? 

I do not know. 

Why did I remember it? I think there is a reason, but I'm not sure. Sometimes I know things, but from the back door, not the front. Meaning, I won't get it until it reveals itself as true. 

Is that mysterious enough for you?

Thought so.

At any rate, today when that memory came up, so did the word "placeholder".  I understood that. Johnnie couldn't go out with the girlfriend on Friday because they were getting married. But he had a friend he could do something with that weekend. Me. We were friends. We attended the same church and talked, and I wasn't interested in him any other way. But I became something a bit more important that weekend. A placeholder. 

And just like that, 50+ years later, I got angry about it. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Had he asked my mama if he could come over and hang out and told us why, she would have friend chicken for him. To be used for entertainment until you get what you want is not a nice thing. 

My mama liked him. Everyone liked Johnnie. Until they didn't. 

He came back to church a year later with his wife and child. I didn't speak to him. I don't know who did. 

Years later, 1980 to be exact, I met someone in N. Carolina who knew Johnnie. What are the odds? 

They were a military family from Alaska, and we were all stationed at Ft. Bragg. Her dad was a pastor in Alaska. Johnnie had been a member of the church in Alaska with his wife and kids. And Johnnie had messed up badly. Johnnie was in prison for rape. 

I was surprised. But I don't know if I should have been. I was just glad my mama was already gone and never knew. Mama would have been so disappointed. 

Today, I think I received a memory that reminds me not to assume everyone is good. My personality is such that I am open, getting closer than I should. Because of that, I can stray into areas I shouldn't and end up with bruises. 

That memory. It was painful in a way today it never was before. 


Monday, January 12, 2026

Rundown of the Weekend

 The leg is better. Have I told you about the leg? 

My lower back (SI joint) has flared up. I overdid it at the gym one week and walked the next week. Felt good at the time, but I did too much. Results were an inflamed SI joint and bursitis in my left leg, flaring all the way to my knee.

They started PT last Friday. It helped a great deal. For a couple of days, the pain was so much better. It came back, but not as bad. Today I'm wearing my diclofenac patch. That actually seems to help the most, but I have trouble keeping it on my back. It isn't glue but a kind of foamy, sticky substance that thins over 12 hours. Hits the pain hard, and I feel good if it stays where I put it. But it slides around. 

I will have PT twice a week for about six weeks. They used a TENS unit, and that was amazing. 

Writing has kind of stopped with this latest pain but I think tonight I'll start back up. Or tomorrow if I am too tired. 

I'm not sleeping well most nights. Either too worried, too upset, or too excited. My brain just doesn't shut off. One night I spent all night writing in my sleep! It wasn't a deep sleep, and I kept waking up. I considered getting up and writing. But I was so tired. 

I think I am going to plan a trip home. I need to go. And it would get me out of my head for a bit. Mike goes to Indy for an appointment with the neurosurgeon to get his brain disease checked for treatment. We know there's only one treatment at this point. But we need to know his status. Maybe when I get back, I can head home. 

Planning on getting rid of at least one cat. I simply can't cope with three anymore. Also, I may get rid of the second one. I love her, but again, I'm at my limit. And I want to get away more. Of course, Jet is not going anywhere. I think he's too attached and wouldn't do well if he were re-homed. Besides, I talk to him a lot. I actually talk to them all. And they try to answer back. 

Reading four books at the moment. I haven't done that in a while. Mostly because I had been reading a book a day since November. Once I began writing, I couldn't read a book a day. It took three days. So, I finished one yesterday and began two today. There are two others I was already reading. And yes, I can keep up with them. 

For now, I'm headed to the shower. 

Saturday, January 10, 2026

Life in My Own World


 What do you do when your world constricts to a period? 

Yesterday, I realized that is what my world has done. While working on my novel, I realized I don't live in the real world anymore. I'm in the Matrix. I didn't even watch those movies. I've seen bits and pieces but never the whole movie. I'm living there! 

My family is for the most part all dead. Well, I am 69. Parents, grandparents, and a sibling dead. Siblings left are either in jail or far away. My sons have their own lives, and my only grandchild remembers me about twice a month and either texts or calls for a few minutes. I go to church, have items delivered, get my reading online, and talk to my cats. Doesn't that sound like a place you want to live?

The only world I experience now is fictional, and I created it. I meet good and evil people. The evil people are worse than any I ever met in the real world, but I can kill them off. The good people are also no reflection of the real world. There is no real affection, but there isn't much in the real world either. 

I made a comment after Jerry died that 6 weeks after the funeral everyone forgets you're alive. No one has proven that wrong. He's been dead 17 years and I've sat right here, buried. It has taken me this long to realize what happened. Well, I was kind of traumatized watching someone die that way. But yeah.

Yesterday I decided that I'm going to live in this fictional world. I'm tired of trying to fit in the real world or find kindred spirits or a new life. But there is a dark, empty depth you can sink where there is no way out.

I'm too tired to mess with it.

So, it's less stress and less work to sit down and open a portal to a fictional world where everyone knows you. They rely on you for their existence. If I must be a spectator, I might as well make myself comfortable in a place I like. The alternative is much darker and emptier. 


Wednesday, December 31, 2025

New Year's List of Don'ts

No resolutions for me, thanks. Tomorrow is the last day of 2025. I had thought to start my new year on a positive note. Things in the last couple of months looked up, but I expected far too much and didn't see what was coming. So rather than resolutions, here's my New Years List of Don'ts

Never take the initiative. Just follow the rules of your existence. It won't look like anyone else's. And no one will notice.

Never presume. The universe hates presumptions and will put as many stumbling blocks in the road as possible to ensure that you do not get out of line. It will also slap you silly if you step out of the line it has instructed you to march in.  

Never say someday. That doesn't exist. Today. That's it.

Never utter a word about your plans. This should probably be #1. 

Never desire something beautiful. You'll break it. Or it will break you.

Never stop moving. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It's harder to hit a moving target. 

Never let them see you cry. Your strength evaporates with the tears. 

Never ask questions. Particularly if you don't want to know.

Never give advice. You'll be to blame if it fails. 

Never give away your shovel. There will be a million things you need to bury. Parts of your self included.

Never, ever, ever trust your heart. Jeremiah 17:9: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?".






Sunday, December 28, 2025

The Last Day Revisited

The Last Day

 I share this post from time to time. It's one I like and it never goes out of date. I find that fascinating and sad. 

What do we do with that last day? How do we spend it? And what about tomorrow? Will we make it better? 

I don't know the answer. I hope I do something to make it better, but I'm only one. I think, looking back on this year, of Charlie Kirk. He sought to make the world better, one mind at a time. They silenced him. For a brief moment, the darkness seemed overpowering. 

The darkness mentioned in The Last Day post, won. The stars didn't shine;. The tree didn't bloom. People were lost.Until the stars came out around the globe. People stood up and made their voices heard. 

Still, the problems are not fixed. Other people would silence any dissenting voice. It is a real war that too many do not wish to fight.  

It isn't The Last Day yet. There is time to make a difference. 


Have a happy New Year!

Friday, December 19, 2025

A Week Outside the Bubble

 

Life looks nice in a glass bubble. From the outside, anyway. I don't live there.

It's been a strange week. Woke up on Saturday and couldn't walk. Inflamed bursa in my leg. The pain was terrible. I forgot I can't wear flat shoes or go barefoot. 

Plantar fascitis means I need to wear heels. I love heels. But not to wash dishes or vacuum. And I don't own any real pearls. 

That is going to go over the head of anyone who didn't watch 50s television. Think Leave It To Beaver's mom.

Today is Friday. I've been to the pain doctor, and he's sending me to physical therapy because we both believe that fewer drugs are better. Today I have my annual torture session at the Breast Center. It makes me a better person. At least I tell myself it does. On the 30th, I see PT. 

I'm alternating between depression and a weird happiness. No idea, so please don't ask me to explain. I know where the depression is coming from. The weird happiness, too. I'd like to reconcile them so I only feel one a day. Or maybe just one and not depression. Weird happiness isn't bad. It just isn't genuine happiness in the sense that you feel secure. It's very shaky. Like skates. I don't skate well. So, yeah, that's what it feels like. 

No holiday decorations, but I've reconsidered it a bit. A wave of immense guilt washed over me when my son asked me to fix a ham, remembering I no longer celebrate Christmas at all. Well, he's been away from home for the holidays for years. Now he wants a ham? 

Don't get me wrong. I celebrate the birth of Jesus. I don't need trappings to do that. They're nice. I love them. I enjoyed decorating. But decorating an empty house is not weirdly happy. It's utterly depressing. So, since I'm already battling that beast, I won't feed it. 

Writing? Yeah, that's been going full blast. Only this week, I've kind of hit a bump. The leg pain means sitting for lengthy periods is pretty uncomfortable. I usually can't walk for several minutes without pain. Also, wearing heels leads to foot pain in the metatarsal area. Heels are not for daily wear, although I did it when I worked. I don't know how! Regardless of that; I have to wear a shoe with at least an inch and a half heel if I want the pain to lessen. 

So, 66,612 words for November and December is a lot of writing. I began on the 12 of November, and that's the count as of today. And I still seem to have a lot of it left. It's so odd because I haven't done this much writing in years. Not in one book. Weirdly productive? Maybe. Hope it last till I get it done because the storyline has now made it impossible not to have a book 2! I do not know how that happened. 


I'll wish you a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year. 

May the dreams you dream come true and the wishes you wish do too.

CM

Monday, December 15, 2025

Let Me Tell You About 2025 ONE LAST TIME!

 There's a lot of blogging going on around here. I think I was frozen for a long time. Well, that's the thing. I wasn't thinking at all. My mind seemed to have locked up. I spent a long stretch of the last year crawling out of bills. Usually, I pay everything with little problem. Minor things like an oil change or a leaky sink. Life. 

Not 2024-2025. That was the year of blown tires and later replacing them all. Then there were electrical problems in the garage. Two mechanical breakdowns on the car. At the same time as the electrical. And last but certainly not least was sewer line repair. Yeah, that was fun but I saved $900 by digging the hole myself. Hey, don't knock it. I may be kind of old, but I'm not decrepit.

So, it was not the best years. 

There was my son's brain disease diagnosis that will require brain surgery and my sister's near foot amputation, and the fibro explosion that resulted from the stress of caring for two sick people consecutively. For now, that should finish out my 2025 year . The flare is now under control, and I'm so much better.

I went to the gym two days last week. Did eight miles on the bike each day. The next day, my leg assaulted me, and my lower back agreed. Well, it has been a bit since I went to the gym, but it's kind of hard to be in two places at once. And I've had the problem before, but it is annoying. Still, it will clear up... eventually. The back is being medicated today and feels better. 

My desk is covered with paperwork from the novel I'm working on. Various chapter outlines, character records I've compiled. There is more saved, but I only pull those when I'm working on it. I've gone over 66K since the 12th of November. It's a bit insane, but I'll take it. 

There are fifteen days left this year. I may just lock the door, turn off the lights, and keep my head down for the duration. 

I won't miss much about this year. I'll let you know about next year.


Thursday, December 4, 2025

Escape


I said in a post I wouldn't write many more posts about grief, but I must have lied. Or maybe I anticipated. There's that. 

Crawling out of a grave sounds like a good thing. Overall, I think it is. But you don't know what you're crawling toward. And that darkness — it follows you.

Something happens when you try and get out of a grave. It's the stuff of horror movies, actually. Things have wrapped around you, grown over you, tangled in your hair and limbs. 

It's a terrifying endeavor. 

You can get out, but the struggle reaches a point you question whether you actually want to get out, or whether it's safer and warmer, and easier just to give up. But it's so horribly dark. 

Last night I shared with a friend a scripture that I carried with me for years after Jerry died. It was the only thing that seemed to anchor me. On my worst days I'd find that scripture and read it over and over. Lamentations 3:21-24. You'll probably be familiar with it. Hopeful, if not helpful. It is a verse of comfort in a dark place. 

Later, when I was going to bed, I remembered something. I used to read the whole chapter. I had a vague idea of the contents. Jeremiah is in a dungeon. Last night I tried to read it again. 

It is not a chapter to read in dark places. It is a chapter to tell you someone else has been in that place. That someone else probably understands. Once you read it, when you read it, and you will, you may relive the darkest moments in your life. But for a minute you won't be alone there.  

I cried all the way through that chapter last night. And many nights before. I think that will happen every time I read it in the future. Because once you've been in dark places, it follows you. You'll always wear the marks of the battle to crawl out and it will always follow you. 

That's when you read Lamentations 3. 

In the last few weeks, I attempted to step out of the dark. The light was blinding. And the pain of crawling out is excruciating. There is a point where I had to decide to leave parts of myself there, in that box. My God, it hurts. Never would I have imagined how painful it is to leave a grave, not once but twice. 

The first thing you notice is you can't breathe. You're chest is tight. You're throat closes, and your nose gets stopped up. Then things start to hurt. First it's just that tight chest but then you have pain across your back and neck. Vision is a challenge. You head hurts. 

It's a kind of dying.

It is the Lord's mercies ... it doesn't feel merciful. It is painful. But you keep crawling. 

We are not consumed. But it feels as if you are. The box has devoured you. It isn't locked but it saps all your strength. It is easier to just rest. 

But it isn't rest. It's death.

I'm not writing this to make you feel better or to make me feel better. I'm writing it to tell you that staying there is death. Crawling out feels like death. They're not the same. 

I went to bed in tears. Again. 

Don't assume there is anything to crawl toward. I woke up this morning to a kind of goodbye text. I cried again. 

It's sun up. I can't see. But I know it's up there. 

I'll just hope in Him.





Tuesday, December 2, 2025

Light


 Tuesday arrived quickly. December 2nd. I can't believe we're here. 

Today is another good day. I can't tell you why. It has just been one of those days that roll in and surprise you with things you didn't think you deserved. 

We had a bit of snow overnight. I went to lunch at Firehouse, my new favorite place. One sandwich and I'm done for the day. And it is so good. The girls behind the counter have become pals. It's nice to go to a place and have a person smile at you and you know they're glad to see you. They told me I was their favorite customer, recently. They're my favorite sandwich girls.

A friend called me and talked for a while, and that was a lovely respite from what would have been a boring day.

No writing today, well — that's not actually true. I wrote something on the writing blog and this, of course. You'll have to go see it if you're interested. 

I blog little about grief here anymore, except at this time of year. I think I posted something recently. I will not do that this year. At least, I'm going to try not to do that. I have several years of grief post from January 30th, 2009, through maybe the next six years. There are random posts throughout the blog for more years. 

This year, I want to end it. I want it to stop. I had a difficult week in mid-November. It was as if it had happened yesterday and I couldn't cope with it. I literally fell apart several times. 

 In the last couple of weeks, I realized I want that to end. I want to stop feeling the hurt. I want to stop hearing that ring rake along the headboard. I don't want to see his eyes anymore. I don't want to experience a silence so great that it feels like I'm dead. 

At some point during this last month, I figured out I want life. And I've not been living life for 17 years. I stopped laughing. I stopped singing. I stopped seeing the world around me. In November, the walls closed in, and I was suffocating. It made me lose myself again in the dark.

Then, someone made me laugh, genuine laughter. And a light came on.  


Sunday, November 30, 2025

A Good Day

  Today has been a good day. I post this here to mark it down. I never know, nor do you, whether a day will be a good day. At least not in the sense of nothing going wrong. 

Since Jerry died, any day above ground was "good". But let's face it, if you read any of these blogs, you'll find that no day is that good. And grief often turns days into nightmares . 

But today was a day the Lord made indeed. I woke rested, with no pain, and fairly energetic. I dressed and put my hair up and had half-hour to spare. So good indeed.

I have not been doing much at home but writing. Hours a day but I have lost 12 lbs because I forget to eat. Trying to remember to drink water. Food has become less appealing. This is just bizarre to me. It would appear that writing is an appetite suppressant.

 I should have known this. One thing that I did before Jerry died was write, a lot. Afterward, I wrote a lot just to keep my mind off death. But RA and fibro got worse from the trauma and I couldn't write.  The writing came back in a dump truck. The story was pouring into me at a rate I couldn't believe. Thrity thousand words in a week. 

It feels good, and today was a day of clarity. I felt like my brain woke up overnight. Still don't know what I'm doing, but I'll just ride this road for as long as I can.

Friday, November 28, 2025

Happy Endings

Another holiday finished for a year. What a month it was, too. If you've read this blog long, you know that November through February is a difficult time. In the last few years, it hasn't been terrible, but this year, that mess just blew up in my face.

Starting November 12th, 2025, I began working on a new novel. That wasn't the plan. I have a story I've been working on for a long time and suddenly wanted to write the backstory of those characters to see if it would help me. What happened is confusing and surprising to me.  

As of today, I'm at 35,991 words. That's 2249 words a day, and there were a couple of days I didn't write at all. For non-writers, that's a lot of words.

What was confusing was the emotional turmoil I experienced for the first five days. I cried every day. Every time I wrote and after stopping for any reason. I was just wrecked. It took five days to figure out why. 

My husband died 17 yrs ago this coming January 29th. It was the greatest trauma I've ever experienced. While writing the new story, around the third day, I realized that many of the character traits of the main character reminded me of my husband when we first married. The way he treated the female love interest, the attitudes, and his actions were all my husband. Even the initial meeting of the characters was a reflection of meeting my husband. With that realization, any control I had disappeared. And from that point on, there were moments I had to stop writing at all. I even fell apart in front of my son. 

I don't actually know what would have happened if I had continued without talking to a friend. They gave me the freedom to talk and to let me cry. I felt like a fool and was embarrassed, but it gave me a way to find some control, albeit shaky at best. 

Now, sixteen days in, the story is still flowing like water. I don't know whether anyone will ever read it. I don't care. Though the experience was and is traumatic, the beautiful memory of being loved and cherished is mine to keep. Jerry was the only person who ever wanted me. Maybe we find that only once. I would not like to believe that, but I do. I don't know what he saw in me. I doubt there are many men who can see that deep. 

I still have to get through finishing this story. Then I have to do an edit or two. Every time I go back to check something or read a passage, it breaks me again. How do you survive that?

I don't care. Just this once, I'll finish the story. There will be a happy ending. Something I never got. And maybe that's why this story came to me. Everyone deserves that much.

Thursday, November 27, 2025

Falling into Cactus

 What does it mean when everything you touch becomes painful? Like falling into a cactus. And each spine you pull out, hurts again. By the time you're done, you're a holey, bleeding mess. And everything is gushing out through all those holes.

I'm bleeding out. 

I started the Rendered Praise blog because I wanted to be more positive, to focus on something other than the dark I was living in. Or at the least, find light in the dark. I've begun to think I'm the dark because no amount of light I shine on it matters. Dark is dark, and it can't comprehend light. 

I'm a researcher. I've always known where to find the answers. People ask me about something, I find the answer and tell them. But I can't find the answers to my own questions. I know where to look. I know what I'm asking. 

Maybe I'm asking the wrong questions; maybe I'm looking in the wrong places; maybe my questions just aren't important.

I'm a little old to be asking about the meaning of life. I thought I had figured that out. The whole duty of man is — 

Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. Ecclesiastes 12:13.

 He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8.

Not hard at all. Right? I thought I was doing all of that well. At least, to the best of my ability. Now, I admit, I don't know. And this time, I don't know where to find the answer. 

I had three different sources tell me this last week I "live in my head too much". I don't know how to live anywhere else. When your world shrinks, where do you go? And what does it even mean? I researched it. It depends. And that is no answer at all.

If I find something to stop the bleeding, maybe I'll find it. 

Right now, tonight, I'm tired of searching. I don't think there are answers.

Tuesday, November 25, 2025

Stumbling Along

 Life throws things at you randomly to keep you on your toes. I started back working on my book, The Dream Stealer, on November 12th. It may get a new title. For the next nine days, I wrote day and night. By the ninth day, I had around 30K words. My mind was blown. I wasn't sleeping; I lost 10 lbs because I wasn't eating. I could be slimmer if I wrote day and night. I forgot to eat. 

On the second day, I cried and cried nearly every day I wrote. You write what you know and what was going into the story; I knew. And it was painful, beautiful and painful. I went into an immediate depression. I denied it, of course. I couldn't explain what was happening in my head. Until about the 4h or 5th day. 

That's when I realized that the way my character thought and behaved was very familiar to me. I had experienced them in another life. 

Who knew that could happen?

The ages of my characters were very close to ours when I married my husband. The relationship between them was so reminiscent of my marriage in those days, I couldn't stand it. A word, a look — all were like knives. I stopped watching a clock and just wrote. Hours at a time. And I cried between chapters and during breaks. 

You may ask why I didn't stop. Because I couldn't sleep. The story was like a dam break. It kept pouring in and there was no outlet unless I wrote it. So.... I'm close to 35K now. With each scene, I also get a little more insight as to why I have been so impacted.

If you could relive a moment with someone you love, even on paper, what would you do? The thing had a hold on me, and it felt as if I wrote it. Or it was meant to kill me. 

I didn't die, but I can't say I came out of the flow unscathed. I won't know until I finish it. 

I'm still working on it. Over the last four days, I've spent more time talking to friends or family. I know I have to sleep more. And I have to put the past to bed, while still keeping the memories without pain. Because the actual truth is, I'm stuck. 

Mike is waiting for an appointment with a neurologist in Indy. They have his request and are waiting for his medical records.

David is working, and I think he finally found a job he really enjoys. However, he's the strong, silent type and never says. 

Tonight, I'm out of words. Truly. It hit me suddenly in the middle of a conversation that my ability to say something had simply ended. So, I'll end this post and say good night. 

Sunday, November 9, 2025

The 4-Pillar “American Renewal Plan”


 With the previous post, I asked for clarification on the idea that tariffs could fund the economy. If you want to read it, it was in the post before this one. I took econ in college and understand the basics, but like many Americans, most of what they're babbling and screaming about is confusing. AI did lay it out in a way that I could grasp most of it. 

Now, I've ask for an acceptable solution that would improve our economy. This is even more understandable to me. Hopefully, it will be for you. 



Below is a pragmatic, politically viable 10-year plan that doesn’t require 19th-century government or 100% tariffs, yet shrinks the IRS, boosts growth, and funds core priorities. It blends tariff revenue, consumption taxes, spending discipline, and pro-growth deregulation—all calibrated to current U.S. realities.


The 4-Pillar “American Renewal Plan”

Goal: Raise $3.8–4.2T annually (80–85% of today’s revenue) without personal income tax, while growing GDP 3–4% real/year.

Pillar

Policy

Revenue / Savings

Rationale

1. Smart Tariffs

35% avg tariff on non-essentials (electronics, apparel, autos); 0–10% on food, medicine, energy

+$900B (after -25% elasticity)

Funds ~40% of income-tax replacement; protects manufacturing

2. National Consumption Tax

10% broad-based VAT (exempt food, medicine, rent)

+$1.4T

Progressive via spending; simple; replaces payroll tax regressivity

3. Spending Reform

Cap entitlements at inflation + 0.5%; means-test Medicare/Social Security; block-grant Medicaid; sunset corporate subsidies

-$1.8T over 10 yrs

Brings spending to 18% GDP (from 24%)

4. Pro-Growth Deregulation

Repeal 50% of federal regulations; full expensing; energy dominance (drill + nuclear)

+2–3% GDP growth

Expands tax base; offsets revenue loss


Year-by-Year Revenue Mix (Target: $4.0T)

Year

Tariffs

VAT

Corp Tax (15% flat)

Excises/Fees

Total

1

$600B

$1.1T

$400B

$300B

$2.4T (transition)

5

$850B

$1.4T

$450B

$350B

$3.05T

10

$900B

$1.5T

$500B

$400B

$4.3T

Personal income tax → phased out over 8 years.


Key Enablers (Non-Negotiable)

Need

Solution

WTO exit

Replace with bilateral deals (UK, India, Mexico) + tariff-revenue sharing

IRS → Customs

Shift 70% of IRS staff to AI-powered border enforcement

Inflation buffer

Fed mandate tweak: target 3% NGDP growth during transition

Safety net

Universal $1,000/month tax credit (replaces EITC, child credit)


Economic Impact (CBO-Style Projection)

Metric

Baseline

Renewal Plan (10 yrs)

Real GDP growth

1.8%

3.2%

Manufacturing jobs

+0.2M

+2.1M

CPI inflation (avg)

2.1%

2.8% (Year 1: 4.5%)

Federal debt/GDP

140%

95%

Median wage (real)

+1.1%/yr

+2.4%/yr


Political Sell: “The Fairness Formula”

“You keep your paycheck. You pay when you buy foreign stuff. The rich pay more—they buy more. Government shrinks. America builds again.”

  • No tax return for 90% of households

  • Prices rise 6–8% once, then stabilize

  • Energy cheaper (drill + nuclear) → offsets import costs

  • China pays (via tariffs) → U.S. workers win


Risks & Mitigations

Risk

Fix

Retaliation

Stockpile ag exports; subsidize farmers 2 yrs only

Shortages

Critical stockpile (chips, pharma); DOD contracts for domestic production

Regressive hit

VAT rebate for bottom 40% ($2,000/family)

Congress stalls

Sunset income tax in 2033 → forces action


Bottom Line

Yes — a tariff + VAT + lean-government model is the only realistic path to:

  • Eliminate personal income tax

  • Simplify life

  • Grow the economy

  • Fund defense, debt, and a modest safety net

It’s not 1890. It’s 2025 America, rebuilt.

Start with tariffs + VAT pilot in 2027. Phase out income tax by 2035. The math works. The politics? That’s the real fight.



Funding a Modern Economy Through Tariffs


A tariff-based fiscal system—relying primarily on duties levied at the border—once sustained the United States for over a century. Today, with federal spending at 24% of GDP and income taxes supplying 50% of revenue, many dismiss tariffs as a relic. Yet the question persists: could tariffs again fund a significant share of government, perhaps even replacing income taxes? The answer is yes in principle, but only with sweeping structural changes, aggressive rate hikes, and acceptance of economic distortion. Below is a rigorous examination of how it could work, its historical precedent, and the real-world constraints.

Core Mechanics of Tariff Revenue

A tariff is a tax on imports, collected at ports of entry. Revenue equals: R = Σ (Váµ¢ × táµ¢) where Váµ¢ is the customs value of imports in category i and táµ¢ is the ad valorem tariff rate.

In 2023, U.S. goods imports totaled $3.3 trillion (services are untariffable under WTO rules). At an average effective rate of 3%, tariffs yielded ~$100 billion—barely 2% of federal receipts. To replace the $2.2 trillion from individual income taxes, the average tariff would need to reach 67% on current import volumes. Even replacing half of income tax revenue requires ~33% average duties.

This is mathematically feasible but assumes static import volumes. In reality, demand is elastic: higher prices reduce quantity imported, shrinking the tax base. The Laffer curve applies at the border.

Historical Precedent: High Tariffs, Low Spending

From 1870–1913, U.S. tariffs averaged 40–50% on dutiable imports (covering ~60% of total imports; the rest entered duty-free). Combined with excises, this funded a government spending 2–3% of GDP. Per capita federal outlays were ~$15 (in 1900 dollars)—versus $22,000 today. The U.S. then was a net exporter of commodities and importer of manufactured goods; tariffs protected infant industries while taxing foreign producers.

Crucially, the federal role was minimal: no Social Security, Medicare, or standing military of scale. Defense was 35% of the budget; today it is 12%, but entitlements dominate. A tariff-only system today would require either (1) reverting to 19th-century spending levels (politically impossible) or (2) tariff rates far exceeding historical norms.

Scaling Tariffs to Modern Needs

Suppose the goal is $4 trillion annually—roughly current income + corporate tax revenue. With $3.3 trillion in goods imports:

Avg. Tariff Rate

Revenue (Static)

Revenue (Dynamic, -20% import drop)

50%

$1.65T

$1.32T

100%

$3.30T

$2.64T

120%

$3.96T

$3.17T

Even at 120%—prohibitive by global standards—dynamic effects (substitution, smuggling, retaliation) would erode the base. Supply-chain reconfiguration would take years; firms would relocate production domestically or to non-tariffed allies.

Strategic Design of a Tariff System

To maximize revenue and minimize deadweight loss:

  1. Tiered Structure:

    • 0–10% on essentials (food, medicine)

    • 50–100% on consumer durables (electronics, autos)

    • 200%+ on luxuries (jewelry, yachts)

  2. Anti-Evasion Measures:

    • Rules of origin enforcement

    • Digital customs tracking (AI + blockchain)

    • Tariffs on transshipped goods via allies

  3. Revenue-Enhancing Policies:

    • Eliminate duty drawbacks on exports

    • Impose harbor maintenance taxes as quasi-tariffs

  4. Complementary Excises: Pure tariff systems are brittle; pairing with domestic consumption taxes (VAT, carbon, sin taxes) stabilizes revenue.

Economic and Political Consequences

Upsides

  • Simplicity: No IRS, no 1040 forms. Compliance cost drops from $400 billion annually to near zero.

  • Progressivity via consumption: The rich import more luxury goods; base broadening captures untaxed foreign income.

  • Industrial policy: High tariffs force import substitution, potentially reviving manufacturing (see 19th-century U.S., post-WWII Japan).

  • Sovereign leverage: Tariffs double as bargaining chips in trade deals.

Downsides

  • Regressive impact: Low-income households spend higher share on tariffed goods (apparel, appliances). A family buying a $400 Chinese-made TV faces $200 extra tax at 50% rate.

  • Inflation spike: CPI could rise 5–10% initially.

  • Retaliation: China, EU, Canada would tariff U.S. exports (soybeans, aircraft, tech). Farm states and Boeing suffer.

  • Supply chain chaos: Just-in-time manufacturing collapses; shortages in semiconductors, pharmaceuticals.

  • WTO violation: Requires withdrawal or renegotiation; global trade system fragments.

A Hybrid Path: Tariffs as Income Tax Replacement

No serious proposal suggests 100% tariff funding. A realistic model:

  • 30% average tariff → ~$800 billion

  • National sales tax (10%) → ~$1.4 trillion

  • Corporate profit tax (flat 15%) → ~$400 billion

  • Excises + fees → $300 billion Total: ~$2.9 trillion (covers ~65% of current budget)

This slashes income taxes, simplifies compliance, and retains progressivity via spending patterns. Defense, debt service, and core functions remain funded; entitlements require reform or partial privatization.

Global Case Studies

  • Singapore: Near-zero income tax; relies on GST (9%), corporate taxes, and land leases. Tariffs minimal due to trade hub status.

  • Gulf monarchies: Zero personal income tax; funded by oil (a natural resource “tariff” on foreigners) + low excises.

  • 19th-century Britain: After repealing Corn Laws, shifted to income tax; before, tariffs + excises funded empire.

No large, diverse, high-spending democracy runs on tariffs alone today—because none existed when government was small.

Conclusion

Funding a modern economy through tariffs is possible but not practical without radical downsizing of government or tolerance for economic pain. At 19th-century spending levels (3% GDP), a 50% tariff on $3 trillion imports easily balances the budget. At current levels (24% GDP), even 100% tariffs fall short after behavioral responses. The true constraint is not revenue math but political economy: voters demand services (Medicare, defense) that tariffs alone cannot finance without crippling trade.

A tariff-centric system could replace half of income taxes if paired with spending discipline and a consumption tax. It would reshape global supply chains, inflate prices, and invite retaliation—but it would also dismantle the IRS, simplify civic life, and reassert national economic sovereignty. The choice is not fiscal but philosophical: how much government, paid how, by whom?

Can Tariffs Fund a Modern Economy? A Concise Analysis

Core Math
2023 goods imports: $3.3T
To replace $2.2T individual income tax → 67% average tariff (static).
Realistic elasticity (-20% import drop) → 83% tariff needed.

Target Revenue

Static Tariff

Dynamic Tariff (-20%)

$1T

30%

38%

$2T

61%

76%

$4T (inc + corp tax)

121%

151%

Historical Benchmark
1870–1913: 40–50% tariffs on dutiable imports funded 2–3% GDP government. Today’s budget is 8× larger relative to GDP.

Feasibility Conditions

  1. Spending cut to ≤5% GDP (pre-1930 levels)

  2. Tariff rates 50–100%+ on non-essentials

  3. WTO exit + retaliation tolerance

  4. Domestic substitution (5–10 years)

Trade-Offs

  • Pros: No IRS, simpler compliance, industrial revival

  • Cons: 5–10% inflation, regressive, export losses, supply shocks

Hybrid Path (Realistic)

  • 30% avg tariff → $800B

  • 10% national sales tax → $1.4T

  • Flat 15% corp tax → $400B → Eliminates personal income tax, covers ~65% of budget.

Verdict
Pure tariff funding is possible only with 19th-century government size. At modern scale, tariffs can replace half of income taxes if paired with consumption taxes and spending restraint. The barrier is political, not fiscal.


💲💲Question: In your estimation, is this a feasible alternative to the tax-based economy?




Expanded Analysis: Are Tariffs a Feasible Alternative to an Income-Tax-Based Economy?

The United States currently collects ~$4.8 trillion annually in federal revenue, with individual income taxes (50%), payroll taxes (36%), and corporate taxes (9%) forming the core. Tariffs contribute just 2% (~$100 billion). The question is whether a tariff-centric system could realistically replace income and payroll taxes while sustaining a modern government. Below is a comprehensive, data-driven assessment across fiscal, economic, political, and global dimensions.


1. Fiscal Mathematics: The Revenue Gap

Item

2023 Value

Notes

Goods imports (tariffable base)

$3.3T

Services ($600B) untariffable

Current avg. tariff

3%

Yields $100B

Individual income tax

$2.2T

Target to replace

Payroll + corp tax

$2.6T

Full replacement goal

Static Revenue at Various Rates

Avg. Tariff

Revenue (Static)

Revenue (Dynamic, -20% import drop)

30%

$990B

$792B

50%

$1.65T

$1.32T

75%

$2.48T

$1.98T

100%

$3.30T

$2.64T

150%

$4.95T

$3.96T

Key Insight: Even at 150% average tariff—a level unseen since the 1830s—dynamic effects leave a $1T+ shortfall against current revenue needs.


2. Historical Benchmark: When Tariffs Did Work

Era

Govt Spending (% GDP)

Avg. Tariff (dutiable)

Revenue Mix

1870–1913

2–3%

40–50%

57% tariffs, 37% excises, 6% other

2023

24%

3%

50% income, 36% payroll, 2% tariffs

Critical Difference:

  • 1900 federal budget: $520M (~$18B today, inflation-adjusted)

  • 2023 federal budget: $6.1TGovernment is 12× larger in real terms, 8× larger as % of GDP.

Conclusion: Tariffs funded America when the federal role was defense, debt, post offices—not Social Security, Medicare, interstate highways, or student loans.


3. Economic Feasibility: Elasticity and Substitution

Import Demand Elasticity

  • Short-run: -0.5 to -1.0 (imports fall 5–10% per 10% price hike)

  • Long-run: -1.5 to -2.5 (substitution, reshoring, smuggling)

Example: 50% tariff → prices ↑33% (pass-through) → imports ↓40–50% → revenue peaks then collapses.

Laffer Curve at the Border

python

Revenue = Import_Value × (1 - elasticity × tariff_rate) × tariff_rate
  • Optimal revenue-maximizing tariff: ~40–60% (depending on elasticity)

  • Beyond 70%, smuggling, transshipment, and domestic avoidance dominate.


4. Structural Requirements for Tariff Dominance

To make tariffs >50% of revenue, all must align:

Requirement

Details

Feasibility

Spending ≤6% GDP

$1.5T budget (defense, debt, courts only)

Politically impossible

Tariff rates 50–100%

Tiered: 0% essentials, 200% luxuries

WTO violation

WTO/GATT exit

Unilateral tariffs trigger retaliation

Export losses: $150B+ ag/tech

Domestic manufacturing surge

5–10 year lag for steel, chips, pharma

Capital + labor constraints

Anti-evasion regime

AI customs, origin rules, transshipment bans

High admin cost


5. Realistic Hybrid Model: Tariffs + Consumption Taxes

Component

Rate

Revenue

Notes

Broad tariff

35% avg

$900B

After -25% elasticity

National sales tax

10%

$1.4T

On $14T consumption

Flat corporate tax

15%

$400B

On profits

Excises + fees

$300B

Alcohol, tobacco, carbon

Total

$3.0T

62% of current revenue

Outcome:

  • Eliminates personal income tax

  • Simplifies compliance (no 1040s)

  • Requires $2–3T in spending cuts

    • Phase out Medicare Part D

    • Means-test Social Security

    • Block-grant Medicaid


6. Economic & Social Trade-Offs

Impact

Pro

Con

Inflation

↑5–12% in Year 1 (CPI-weighted)

Distribution

Taxes consumption

Regressive (poor spend more on goods)

Industry

Reshoring incentive

Supply chain chaos (chips, drugs)

Compliance

↓$400B annual cost

↑Smuggling, black markets

Global

Trade sovereignty

Retaliation: EU/China tariff U.S. soy, Boeing


7. Political Reality Check

Stakeholder

Likely Stance

Voters

Oppose: fear price hikes, job losses in import-dependent sectors

Congress

Gridlock: GOP likes tariffs, hates entitlement cuts; Dems reverse

Business

Split: manufacturers yes, retailers/Walmart no

States

Panic: loss of federal transfers (education, transit)

Historical Precedent:

  • 1894 income tax passed amid tariff backlash

  • Pollock v. Farmers’ Loan (1895) struck it down → Tariffs breed demand for progressive taxation, not the reverse.


8. Global Case Studies (Why None Scale)

Country

Revenue Model

Why It Works

U.S. Applicability

Singapore

GST + corp tax + land

Tiny welfare state

No

UAE/Qatar

Oil export tax

Resource rent

U.S. not petrostate

Hong Kong

Low flat tax + land

Minimal govt

No safety net

No large, democratic, high-spending welfare state runs on tariffs.


Final Verdict: Feasibility Spectrum

Scenario

Feasibility

Conditions

Pure Tariff Funding

Impossible

Requires 1890-level government

Tariffs Replace 70% of Income Tax

Unlikely

Needs $3T cuts + 80% tariffs + WTO exit

Tariffs Replace 50% + National Sales Tax

Plausible

$2T cuts, 35% tariff, 10% VAT

Tariffs as Supplement (10–20%)

Current Path

Trump/Biden-era policy


Conclusion

Tariffs are not a feasible full alternative to an income-tax-based economy in the modern United States. The fiscal math fails, the economic disruption is severe, and the political tolerance is absent.

But a tariff-first hybrid system is viable—if paired with:

  • A national consumption tax

  • Deep structural spending reform

  • Decade-long industrial policy

This would eliminate the IRS, simplify civic life, and reassert economic sovereignty—but only at the cost of smaller government and higher consumer prices.

The real barrier is not revenue—it’s what Americans expect from Washington. Until that changes, tariffs remain a tool, not a foundation.






*Researched via Grok AI