Showing posts with label illness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label illness. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Covid 19 Arrived at My House

 Mike and I caught the bug. Yep. But we survived! We've been sick for about a month, as far as we can tell. It could be 6 weeks. We thought we had sinus problems, but this got worse until we were coughing. We thought a cold. Then came body aches and nausea. We realized late that we had no taste and smell. Well, I did. I had some taste, but it was all nasty. Soda tasted like cough medicine, a nasty one. So did orange juice. Milk was delicious! 

And through it all ran a fatigue that we could not recover from. So we've slept. Both of us slept off and on for days. Today, we're still fighting the fatigue. I average getting about one thing done a day. Today, it was my hair and getting clothes out of the dryer. That's it. Our bedtimes are roughly 8-9 p.m. and even if I get up at 6, I'm back in bed asleep from 10-noon. A week ago, I'd be in bed again from 3 to 5 p.m. It's been monstrous..

Let me say there are people far sicker than either Mike or me. Mike was sicker than I was, and he coughed far more and far worse. We're still coughing, but it is getting better. 

I bought electronic feeders for the cats and got them the day I tested positive. I was so sick. There is a video on YouTube if you don't believe me. I had people telling me to go to the hospital. So, I couldn't set them up right away. It allows me to schedule 4 feedings and I don't have to get up at 5 a.m. They're working beautifully. I got them set up yesterday and the cats, a bit stunned initially, are adjusting to a machine that feeds them. I reloaded this evening and am ready for the next 24 hours. So much easier than worrying about feeding too much or too often. 

I'd write more, but I'm tired just from this much. I hope you all have a lovely holiday with your loved ones. I'll be at home having a sandwich. Mike is coming over to "hang out". Maybe I'll fix Hawaiian meat balls. 

Neither of us really cares. It isn't much of a holiday for us. 



Tuesday, September 1, 2020

Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me

Returned from a quick trip to Ohio yesterday. We left Saturday to take Sarah to her Dad. He's moved there recently and since he has primary custody now, she'll live with him. It was so difficult to leave her. It didn't help that I was very sick. I kind of lost it as I was leaving.

I've had a toothache for the last week and by Saturday night it was horrible. My jaw hurt, all my teeth hurt, and the side of my head hurt. Wearing my glasses caused pain over my ear.

Earlier in the week, about last Wednesday, I found that beneath a bridge I have on the left side the gum had swelled. It is a tight fitting bridge, and the swelling presented as small bubbles and it was so painful. I thought I had something under it, but using floss there is difficult on a good day. This wasn't a good day. I needed to call the dentist, but the entire week was one disaster after another. I'm having so much pain walking that even taking the garbage to the street is difficult. Sarah and I both had this ennui and could not accomplish a thing. We didn't even pack until the night before and the morning we left!

We did clean house and do laundry so she could carry everything she needed. Dealing with all that is always exhausting. When I got home, I realized the act of packing for a move creates its own mess. I have to sweep and clean her room, make my bed, and it seems there is stuff everywhere. I'm glad I bug bombed while I was away. That's at least one thing I don't have to worry about for 6 months.

When I arrived home, I called my dentist and saw him on Monday afternoon. They looked and gave me a Z-Pack and referred me to an endodontist. I may need 2-3 root canals and I need a crown on the opposite side. The pain is from the right side, so at this point both sides of my mouth are giving me trouble. ALL my teeth and my jaws hurt. As of this morning, there is improvement, but not a lot.

Sarah began school in Ohio yesterday. They're doing 2 weeks online with limited attendance. After that, I believe they'll be going full time. I know she dreaded it, but I hope this will be a fresh start where she gets the help she needs. The environment is clearly better than the toxic one she was in for 8 months. Her Dad is working, but he's also job hunting for something full time. There are a tremendous number of opportunities there compared to Podunk, Arkansas. 

I'm exhausted from all the stuff I'm battling. My RA hasn't been too bad but my legs, my teeth, my fatigue, and my back have ganged up on me and coupled with the stress of Sarah leaving again, well, I'm worn out.

For now, I'll leave it there. I'm still very blessed. I just wish he would bless me with less pain. Of course, it could always be worse.


Monday, January 16, 2017

Happy New Year... Late

We made it! I wasn't sure for a moment there but we arrived, only a little worse for wear.

My I've been away for a while. I've sort of fallen off the grid with this particular blog. To be honest, I've been ill for months, since November, with a hideous cold. I won't go into great detail but NaNoWriMo started in November and things were going well until about the second week. I had a cold that got worse and required antibiotics but despite that, it blew my NaNo to bits. Had it not been for my co-ML and another participant, I don't know what I'd have done. By the first week of December, I thought I was better.

That lasted a week and I was down again with a second round of the cold. This required a second round of antibiotics and I had to come off all of my RA meds for three weeks. I was sick until the first week of 2017. I began to feel human again. But the last several weeks I've battled fatigue that has made it impossible to do anything for more than a couple of hours a day.

I've been trying to write more if I can stay well and awake enough. I told a friend recently I was ready to give up on my writing. It is depressing to sit down and find that you can't think and you don't know what to do or even how to do it. I've been writing all my life and to reach this point is very discouraging.

I discovered over the holiday that Google Docs has a voice typing feature. My computer has a program installed just for that purpose and I've tried it a few times but it just wasn't very good. I could buy a dication program but they are ridiculously expensive and the reviews all say similar things about the inefficiency and need to extensive training. So, this morning I did a short session with Google Docs using the voice typing. I was astounded. It was error free. The biggest drawback was that I am ignorant of the commands to make edits. I'm going to go check for those and see how well it performs. I'm kind of excited about the idea because some days I am not well enough to sit in a chair for a few hours but I think it might be possible to write if I could voice type. We'll see.

As I said, I've done nothing this year so far. We're 15 days in and I've only about 500 words to show for it and a couple of bedrooms switched around. Sarah decided she wanted the full-sized bed instead of the twin. Frankly, it is better in her room. The twin fits better in the smaller room and I'm going to get it set up as a play area for her. She still doesn't like her dolls in her room and they can now have their own space and she'll be able to play with them much easier. They'll even have some drawers for their clothes.

I have plans to do some traveling this year. I don't know about very long trips. My problems with my RA and the fatigue are very inhibiting. I'm kind of afraid of getting off somewhere and being too ill to drive home. Driving with the fatigue is very scary. I had to go someone a week or so ago and it was terrible. I was terrified I'd have an accident because I was unable to focus well. I'm a good driver and never had an accident or a ticket but this was so bad I knew I had to get out of the car. I came home and immediately crashed in my chair for three hours. I slept so hard I felt drugged when I woke up.

Okay, think that's enough for now and it gets me started. I really ought to get a plan for blog posts. I don't think more than a half dozen folks really read this blog but at least it keeps me writing. It was always just a journal and several times I've considered closing it. But it gives me a place to just natter on about the trivial life I live. Sometimes people comment and I  love that. The other two blogs are more directed and I find it easier at times to post there than here.

I hope those of you who are reading have a wonderful new year, wherever you are and however you celebrate. I pray for blessings and grace in your life and may you have only great joy this year and beyond. Thank you for coming by and I hope you'll return. If not, Happy New Year anyway.


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Amazing Recovery or Fluke?

Ok, maybe not amazing. I have no idea what has happened. I have felt so good today that I actually went out and put my flower seeds in the flat so they will spout. I may not get to plant them for two weeks but I'm good with that. If I could feel this good every day, life might be bearable.

I came home and prepared supper for me and Dave. Mike came in and so he ate, too. Dave had Sarah this evening so Sarah and I spent the evening in the back yard putting the seed in and even planting marigolds around the post on the patio. She loves planting things. She pick up her first wiggle worm, earth worm to those of you not raised in the South. It was hysterical. She squealed and said, "He's so cute!" Have I mentioned here that I tell her that her nickname is Ellie Mae? For those who don't understand the reference, Google The Beverly Hillbillies.

It was a good evening. I took some photos with my new phone and even a video which, when I save them, automatically uploads them to a G+ album. That is so cool! I have access to all my Google features - email, calendar, G+, photo albums, contact list. Everything! So nice to have. But I hate these honking big phones. I bet before it is over they'll be as big as the first cell phones. I loved my LG flip phone. Did what I wanted and all I had to do was say "Call _____" and it repeated it verbally, then it dialed the number for me. I can say that to this phone and it ASK me in text if that is the number I want, I have to then tap the text and then it dials. So, if I have to use my hands anyway, what good is that feature? And the constant need to recharge! I have always gone a week without recharging my phones. What is that about? Wimpy batteries or power hungry apps that serve no purpose.

Anyway, felt very good today. I actually think my problem may be blood sugar related. I'm going to get a meter this week and start checking it when I have that horrible feeling again. If it isn't blood sugar, I don't know what else it could be.

I go for a massage tomorrow to a therapeutic massage place. Dave working on my back and neck last night really made a difference and I'm so looking forward to the one tomorrow.

I have to start packing for the trip soon. I haven't even begun because I've been so sick I wasn't sure I'd be able to go. I still don't know what will happen between now and Saturday. One day at a time.

Must go now as it is getting late and I am trying to get to bed earlier each evening. Lack of sleep is making things a lot worse. I slept really good last night and hope for the same tonight.




Just Tuesday?

I am still alive but yesterday I was so sick! I went back to my doctor again after lunch because of how I was feeling. It was just awful. However, she found nothing unusual. I told her it felt as if I had jello in my brain for about 2 hours.

So, more blood work. This time we're looking at possible diabetes. I'm insulin resistant. I've avoided the full blown disease up to now. I have no idea what happened yesterday but it felt like I was going to pass out as any minute. I had a bowl of grits for breakfast and toast. Delicious but very high carb content. For lunch I went home and had an egg sandwich. High fat and protein content even though there was the carbs in the bread. I had my sister come by and take my blood sugar count. It was 84! That's actually good. So.... after lunch, while I was at the doctor, I was a bit better. I wondered if my blood sugar had dropped too low.

She instructed me to get a massage because I have multiple trigger points, some I didn't even know until she pressed them. So, I get one tomorrow after work. David, bless him, gave my back a very good rub down last night. He knows exactly how much pressure and where to take out the kinks. I still had terrible neck ache and headache yesterday. The doctor felt all the tight muscles in my back were contributing to it. I took too acetaminophen and after he worked on my back, neck and shoulders, it did feel much better. And today, not so sore. No real headache either.

I have no idea what I'm going to eat. She's taken me off any sweetener..... even artificial. Just water or natural unsweetened drinks such as tea or coffee. NO breads. NO milk. NO rice. NO potatoes. NO processed sandwich stuff. I'm to try and get rid of as many chemicals as possible. I'll probably have to go to the grocery every day to buy something fresh to eat.

I did another chapter of Hidden in the Mist. If you have a link you can go see. That monster is just a mess. I wish I could get enough energy to sit and just write it all out and be done. I went to bed around 10 last night but I dozed on the sofa for hours. Missed half of my show I was watching and had to rewind it. Anyway, I think I actually like this little bit I wrote... the writing not so much as just how it directs the story. I've been trying to teach Sam that the Outland situation is unjust and the reasons for that but in this scene Reece lets her make the point very nicely. Now to find out if she recognizes it.

Ok, post done. I'm still feeling wooly headed today. I would like to get past that. It seems impossible. Prayers would be appreciated.


Saturday, May 11, 2013

Dance of the Hausfrau

Today is a wet, gloomy, chilly day. The last three days have been wet but it usually warms up by noon.  I don't expect the whole weekend to be any better. I'm not going to get flowers out again before the 1st of June it appears. I wanted to do it today but I just don't see how I can. Next Saturday, the 18th will start my vacation. I'll be in Florida for four or five days and back by Wednesday. So maybe I'll have time then to do them then. I am going to get them into the flats to germinate. I can leave them on the patio while I'm gone.

I thought Saturday would never get here. It felt like the longest week. However, I am glad to report that I am so much better than I was week ago and if I remember how I felt the first week of April, I'm not the same person. Lord have mercy, I never want that virus again. 

When I woke up on Thursday, it was the first day I did not feel like I'd been hit by a truck in two months.  When I came home on that evening I thought, I'll sit down and read and relax. I fixed supper for Dave and I and showered. When I finally sat down I read in the den for about a minute and passed out. It was around 6:30. That old couch I kept is the best sleep machine ever.

I woke up at 9:30 to a ringing phone. I sat up on the couch saying "Hello? Hello?" I thought Jerry was in the next room for some reason. Once I got my brain working I got up and got ready for bed. I was in bed by 10:30 and I think I went to sleep within a few minutes. I worked on Friday, still tired. When I got home I lay down again and napped for about 20 minutes but I sat up way too late last night so it didn't really matter I guess. I am hoping this is the end of it. 

I have not had a lot of joint pain with the virus. I have had headaches and terrible neck pain. I quit taking the acyclovir, I think on Wednesday. I was really sick on Monday and had a headache all weekend. Something said, "Stop taking the antiviral." I thought about it and finally decided the voice in my head probably knew more than I did. So I stopped. Headache went away and neck pain got better. And by Thursday, I almost felt what passes for normal for me. 

My house is so dirty. I've been sick for two months and things are really in a bad way. It will take me weeks to clean it and I suspect the last few days of my vacation will be spent here, trying to clean it up before I go back to work. 

Now, I'm going to have to get dressed and wade into the mess. I really need a cleaning lady. Haven't found anyone yet. First I need to get ride of a lot of junk. But I won't get it done sitting here. I'll see how long I can hold out before I have to stop.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

More Wasted Days

I had about two good days after I saw my doctor and it has been mostly downhill since. I'm so tired and today I've had a headache all day. I am taking my second Imitrex now and hope that will get rid of it. I came home as tired as if I'd worked for two days with no break. The only bright spot is I may have defeated the sinus infection.

I don't know when it became such a chore just to put one foot in front of the other. I can't remember. I don't want to do anything. Even sleep is not good. I wake up as tired as I was when I went to bed. I'm tired of it. I just want to sit down and never have to get up again.

I go back to the doctor the last week of the month. I'm supposed to go on vacation beginning the 18th. I don't know if I will be able to go anywhere. I can't see sitting in the car for 12 hours feeling like this. It just isn't worth it.

Days pass and I don't know what I've done. I don't accomplish anything. I've been working on a shawl for two weeks. Last night I had to pull out five rows of work. I only had about 4 rows left but I did something wrong and didn't realize it until I reached a place that simply did work right. I had to back track visually and figure out what went wrong, rip it out and now I'm working on putting it back right. Normally, it wouldn't be a big deal but it is now. I don't have time to waste repeating work. What brief moments I have of clarity and strength I have to use for what must be done. I can't waste time on hobbies.

I looked at the yard and found a whole section that wasn't cut. So, now people want to cut the yard but only what they don't have to get off the mower to cut. I'll have to be the one pushing the old mower and using the weed trimmer for the places the rider doesn't reach, I suppose? This is ridiculous. Where did the real men of the world go and how did I end up with a bunch wimps? I'm embarrassed to say these people are related to me. I refuse to call them men. I've had nothing but trouble over the yard for years. They are the laziest human beings I've ever seen.

Enough whine. Another waste of time.







Monday, April 29, 2013

Banal Monday

Well, not that that's out of the way. Monday is over for me, well, the hard part of it. It wasn't a great day but it wasn't the worst I've had either. I still have sinus issues. I am almost where I'll call the doctor to ask what to do but I am far better than I was two weeks ago so it seems silly to do that.

I have only minor pain but I am really tired. I sat out side while David cut the yard and I examined what I was feeling. It is a feeling that you've had this huge workout and you need to lie down. I don't want to lie down. I want to do things. I still feel tied but since I'm not focused on the feeling as much at the moment, it is not quite so intense. It is still there, just pushed back.

Remember my saying I was going to think of a way to use this: The Wandering Dragon Inn? Well, I started it. No idea what it is going to be or if what I wrote will remain. I just feel it is something I need to hang onto for now.

I'm going to go crochet on my shawl some more. I'm nearly done with it. I'll post photos when I finish it. I don't know if I like it or not. It isn't as large as I expected it or maybe I'm just bigger than I expected. I suppose I could modify it and make it larger but I'm not sure I want to bother. And I still have several rows so it may turn out all right. We'll see.

I want to start some other projects soon. I am hoping that my physical situation will remain this good. We'll have to wait and see.

Nothing happening at the moment. Eye of the storm comes to mind. Not a good place to be really. I had a feeling a few days ago that I always dread. Like something bad was going to happen. All I can do when I have those is pray. In general, I'm not usually wrong but I so wish I was.

Signing off now to finish cooking supper.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Little Green Men and Conquered Mountains

The week started relatively lousy because I seem to have caught a cold on top of my other maladies. The virus I've been battling seems to be getting better but what I thought might be allergies turned into something ugly. I think I now have a sinus infection. I don't know if I can throw it off myself or not. It doesn't seem to be getting worse, is markedly better than initially, but I don't see it improving over the last three days. Seems that now it is just taking up residency in my sinuses and ears. I believe it is alien in nature as all the signs point to little green men. Yeah, I know. Gross.


As you may or may not know, we have to do front desk duty for three hours, one day a week as we only have a part time receptionist. Her last day was today. Now we'll each be doing desk duty two and half hours every day. On Tuesday I was on my rotation and a person came on and wanted to know why she had not received her letter about her name coming to the top of the waiting list. She had been passed because we sent her letters and she didn't respond. She showed me a change of address and stated she had moved. I asked her if she'd turned it in and she said, "I'm giving it to you now." I explained it was too late to do it now. I even called the Admissions office and they told me to tell her to put in a request for a hearing. Knowing that she only missed her time by two days it was a good chance she'd be reinstated and allowed to start the process. As I began to tell her this, she ripped up her paperwork, threw it through the opening in the plexi-glass into my face and told me to keep my @#%@^ mess and walked out. I stopped talking and let her walk out. Gee, that's too bad.

Wednesday was move briefing day and I simply felt lousy. I didn't get a lot done in the afternoon because I was just miserable. However, on Thursday, I decided to turn on my ITunes and see what I could find to listen to. I figured if my mind was occupied then I'd be able to work a bit better. I was right. I listened to podcast of a minister that I listened to years ago on the radio. It was so good and I enjoyed it so much. By the end of the day, I had done a lot more work.


This morning when I got in I put together the folders I completed yesterday and then got to work at my desk. I pulled up ITunes and  found some good preaching podcast by Ravi Zachariahs. I stopped only for lunch and listened to it all afternoon.  I had a really productive day! I did 13 recertifications and that's a boon for me. I returned all my calls on top of that and talked to a couple of crazy people without breaking a tooth. Seriously. Ok, that was unkind. They weren't crazy. Disturbed maybe. 

I was able to finish the week feeling like I was on top of the mound of paperwork rather than it on top of me. Despite the little green men... it was a comfort.


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Blah, Blah, Blah

I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, at noon actually  I am taking half day off because I need to and because this doctor usually takes a couple hours to get in there, see her, and get out. If she ask for any other tests, I have to do it another day, especially blood work because I have to fast. So, I'll use the time to do something at home that needs doing.

Tomorrow I have another doctor's appointment with my other doctor to review my blood work. That won't take as long and it is after lunch. So I'll take my lunch and go.

I am tired this morning but I think it is my fault. I forgot the time and didn't get to bed until just after midnight. That is something I try hard to avoid. It is never good the next day. I've been going to bed around nine or ten for a over a month because I was so sick.

For the most part, I'm much better. I still have bouts of tiredness and have to stop what I'm doing but I'm not blind with it. I feel sicker today than I did yesterday but I forgot to eat breakfast this morning. I had to call Mike and ask him to bring me something. I won't get lunch till late because of the doctor's appointment and I really don't think I can go that long.

The day feels humid out and it is a mix of sun and clouds. The trees are greening and the flowers blooming. I'm glad we've had rain because it keeps the pollen count within a tolerable range for me. Poor Mike has had a terrible time with his allergies lately. He always has it worse.

Back to work now. What a boring post!


Monday, April 15, 2013

Another Manic Monday

I was on my way to bed actually, when I thought I'd better post something. I went to work this morning, put my behind in the chair and basically worked myself to a frazzle. I'm tired.

What is a frazzle? I mean, I've worked my fingers to the bone and worked my self nearly to death. But what is a frazzle? Who thought that up anyway?

I've been sick as a dog for a month. I'm feeling better this week and I am praying that it last. But how is being sick as a dog worse than being as sick as I was? If a dog had been that sick ... he'd be a dead dog.

I love the language.

Moving on.... I didn't get to my actual work until after lunch. If this continues I'll be a month behind before the end of the month. I asked if we were replacing the receptionist. He said he was meeting with the ED in the morning to discuss some things and he thought that would definitely be on the agenda. Well, I hope so! Because now, we will each be on the phone a whole day ever week and we'll have a meeting three to four days a month, we'll be answer all our call, filling hundreds of pieces a paper a week, several hundred files, and processing all that paper coming in. Not to mention trying to meet with ever person who wants to tell you about their nasty neighbors.

I've applied for two jobs. I don't know exactly what they are but similar to what I'm doing. I'm praying for them to pass me over if this is not what is best for me. I don't want another job that will kill me.

Oh! I'm taking an online creative writing class and I'm really looking forward to this. I had signed up for Forward Motion, another writing clinic that lasts over a year. But I simply could not get into it. I was a few weeks into it when this sickness started and now I'm abysmally behind. Forward Motion is an ongoing writing class so I can try again.  The new one is a university class and is a series of video/audio lectures taught by Brian Sanderson. The class last several weeks. Your supposed to write 50,000 words in 4 months. LOL, piece of cake if I decide to write. I may just listen and take notes. Doesn't matter really. I'm not adding any pressure to it. Fortunately, I'm doing the 2012 class and it's recorded.

Anyway, very busy writing. I told my friend, Doug, today that I was no longer beating myself up about what I'm writing. I'm writing and that's what counts. That's what I want to do. I started the new blog and I feel good about it, if a little intimidated. It is different and I can already tell it is going to be a different way of writing. I'm not sure I'm going to have a lot of creative control. Frankly, I'm fine with that.

I got the notice that the Library let me reserve the room for my writing group on the 27th. We're meeting and talking about Character and Story Arcs. I like the monthly meetings on a Saturday afternoon. I am more relaxed and really enjoy it much better.

Keep me in your prayers. I'm moving things in my life and that is always hard and sometimes painful. While I am better, I'm still not over this sickness. I still get unusually tired over simply duties. I over did it Saturday and paid the price Sunday. I want to be better by the weekend because David has a friend coming to town he wants me to meet.

Once again, I'm up too late! Night!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Time, Time, Time

I'm really miserable. Tired and feel as if my insides are bloated. This is apparently not unusual as liver and spleen can swell. I will probably have to call my doctor if this isn't better in the a.m. Although, i really don't know what they can do. All my research indicates nothing can be done. 

The next question is how long? Depends on who you ask. Everyone knows someone who's had it and it varies from a couple of weeks to months. I don't have months.

And speaking of time shortages. Our front desk person just turned in her notice. She'll be gone the last day of the month. We are now down to four case managers, one inspector, on inspection clerk and one admissions person. There is absolutely no support staff. We will be doing it all, phones, filing, copying, mailings, interviews and processing the information. I can't do it. Really. There is no way we can do it. 

I've sent out two applications. I ask only that you pray for me to find the right job, whatever it is. I've sat up too late doing this but at least I've done something.   Only time will tell.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Moving the Rocks on the Ledge

I got to work on time. I'm not where I was last Wednesday, but I'm still battling some fatigue. Not as much. I've got some dizziness as well. One ear is really ringing. So why one ear? I have congestion in my head, so maybe that's it. But wonder of wonders... very little pain elsewhere. Praise God! Dealing with one thing is way easier than a half dozen.

I'm job hunting. No, they didn't lay me off. In fact, I just got my evaluation and my job performance was 100%. However, he gave me an 85 for my attendance. Don't know why since I'm only out on vacations and if I'm sick. I've had a lot of issues this year with illness, but I use the sick time I'm allotted and I only get two weeks a year. And I usually have sick time to take so if I was abusing it, how could that be? Of course, this is the same person who can't figure out how to fix a paper jam in his printer.

I'm working on my outlook. I've been so busy feeling awful that it's pretty hard to see anything but gray skies. I watched some video's this weekend by Beth Moore. I've got one of her books and I really love it. She's a Christian speaker, and she's amazing. Anyway, I watched a video When Life has you Paralyzed. I have to say it was meant for me. I've also been reading a book called The Secret Place. Both have been what I needed to hear while I was sick.

I'm also about to limit my extracurricular activities to things that matter most. I am spreading myself too thin and doing things that do not push me in the right direction. That's got to stop. A lot of things are just excuses not to do something else. Mostly, I am trying to change myself and surround myself with the things that build me up. I realize that this means removing things.

There is so much that is empty in what we do, what I do. I don't want that anymore. It is making me unhappy. Some of my "fun" things are a waste of time and really going nowhere. Some things I think I have to do are boring and really unnecessary. Some things I'm doing out of habit are time stealers. And I don't like my job anymore.

So job hunting. Removing the bad habits. Stopping wasting my time on dead-end pursuits. Will I accomplish them all? If I can get one thing done, I suspect it would help with the others. We'll see.

I'm going to try a go to the Y two or three times a week. That's hard for me because I'm really tired in the evenings. It will cut into internet time but that's one of those dead end things so I'm trying to reorganize how much I spend there. I've done less mindless internet stuff this past week than usual. So, I've started. We'll see.

Writing is a priority. I'm working on doing more but not hard enough. Rather than talk about writing, I want to write. The blog may morph again soon or I may start a new one with a different goal. Lots of ideas churning around because I couldn't do much but sit and stare out.

The title I thought sums it up. I'll be posting the usual about Life here on the Ledge.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Unknown

The shutters of the day are drawn and night arrives. I'm about to turn in myself. I'm tired as usual but I had a bit longer period today where I didn't simply collapse from exhaustion. Maybe a couple of day off helped. I managed to get the shopping done and that's a plus. I hate shopping.

One more day off and I go back to work. Stand to reason that being away from the job would help. I think the job is exacerbating the problem. I wish I could just stay home but the bills won't get paid if I don't. I saw an amusing graphic of Tweety Bird on someone's Facebook page that said, If I had one dollar from one million people I'd be a millionaire. I never thought about it quite like that. I could start a fund raiser. With my luck I wouldn't raise enough to buy gum.

I couldn' think of a title... either too tired or I just don't have the imagination tonight.

Good night, sweet prince, wherever you are..... 

Friday, April 5, 2013

Wanted: A Mountain Cabin & Two Bad Dogs

The vampires have been sated. They took about five vials of blood. I followed doctor's instruction and simply got up, dressed, and went. I hurt everywhere. It is astounding because I have not hurt this much in years. But I've given my blood to find out what is wrong. I hope that is enough sacrifice.

I actually had trouble sleeping. I took my medicine but drinking coffee apparently has a counter effect. Go figure. I wanted coffee. (See below.)


I've spent most of my time off reading and unsubscribing from things. I'm eliminating the excess baggage. It is time to eliminate the things that are counterproductive to my well-being. This morning I've been praying for insight to that end. Maybe everything should go and I should start over with more positive pursuits. After reading up on this adrenal fatigue, there is some hope to correct at least some of the physical problems. Clearing out one's life can be healthy. I always liked it when the Army moved us. I loved starting over with new friends, places to see, and things to do. It was like a second chance every 4 years. That's very liberating. 


I went through a period of wanting to throw away everything after Jerry died. Every three months for a year I did a stem to stern cleaning and hauled out truckloads of junk. I was horrified at the piles. I have photos to prove it. I am feeling that same need now. The junk isn't all material but is junk nonetheless. I'm hoping tomorrow will dawn sunny and warm and there won't be a lot of pain and I can clean some junk out of the house, the material stuff. My problem will be that I'm only good for about 4 hours before I crash and burn and for the rest of the day I may only be fully functional for about three hours total, and not consecutively. 


I looked up Adrenal fatigue. I never heard of it. Thanks to my friend, Nancy, I know a bit about Cushing's Disease but not adrenal fatigue, which is not Cushing's but both are caused by problems with the levels of the adrenal hormone, cortisol. And apparently they both wreak havoc on the body. Here's a list regarding adrenal fatigue I found on a site called Women to Women. They are eerily familiar.


Symptoms and health risk of sustained cortisol levels:

  • Lightheadness & salt craving
  • Fatigue and weakness
  • Suppression of the immune system
  • Muscle and bone loss
  • Moodiness or depression
  • Skin problems
  • Hair loss
  • Autoimmune disorders
  • Insulin resistance
  • Thyroid imbalance
  • Weight gain
  • Insomnia
  • Aches and pains from inflammation
  • Lower sex drive
Sustained high cortisol levels are dangerous because they:
  • Slow down healing and normal cell regeneration.
  • Co-opt parent molecules needed to make other vital hormones
  • Impair digestion, metabolism and mental function
  • Interfere with healthy endocrine function
  • Weaken your immune system
There are apparently things I can do. They tell you and basically the same thing my doctor told me is what I have to do. 
  • Avoid gluten — a protein that many women with adrenal imbalance may be sensitive to.
  • Eat adequate protein at every meal — important for energy and stamina.
  • Eat within an hour of waking — helps restore healthy blood sugar levels.
  • Eat healthy fats.
  • Eliminate all "white" food – refined sugar, flour, and grains, at least temporarily.
Now, I just have to get the blood work results and see what's really going on. But based on what I've read this is what fits all the problems I am experiencing.

Oh... and I have to avoid all the things I'm dealing with in my life...

Things that make demands on the adrenal glands:

  • Lack of sleep
  • Work stress
  • Personality conflicts
  • Yo-yo dieting
  • Relationship turmoil
  • Reliance on stimulants like caffeine and carbs
  • Digestive problems
  • Too much exercise
  • Illness, infection or surgery
  • Unresolved emotional issues
  • Overwhelming responsibilities at home

Yeah, that's gonna be easy. I'd get me to a nunnery but I'm not Catholic. But a cabin in the mountains has always had an appeal. I used to tell Jerry that we'd retire to one. There'd be one road in and one road out and a couple of very bad dogs roaming the woods. The image is always in the back of my mind. 


I have to go now. Just had a dizzy spell and feel sick. I've been up since 7 a.m. and it is nearly 11 a.m. now. That's 4 hours. Right on target.

My heartfelt thanks go out to all those praying friends who have responded to my requests for prayer. I've made many this week. Despite all the medical knowledge in the world, I know where the only solution to any problem lies. When I can't help myself, I know He does. 


Saturday, March 30, 2013

Short Post for a Long Day

The end of another day of bone weary exhaustion. I thought, around 7 p.m. last night that today I might feel better. I had about three hours where I suddenly felt really good. I did some laundry and then watched a movie with Dave and Sarah. I went to bed and today, I managed to go out for about three hours with Sarah. By the time I got home, I was as tired as if I'd run a marathon. I simply sat down the rest of the day and watched movies with David.

At the moment, it is raining here. Tomorrow is Easter and I'd like to be able to go to church and not feel as if I need to lie down on the pew.

I'm making this short. Thank you all for comments, notes, and emails. Prayers are much appreciated also.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Long Journey Through a Short Week.

Never was a Thursday so welcome as this one. I am off until Monday. I plan to sleep late tomorrow and then I hope that I have the energy to do some things around the house. I have several things that need doing.

As I suspected, I have a cold. Could be a bit of allergy along with it. I've been coughing up stuff, sneezing up stuff, and my head is stuffy. When that happens, I have dizzy spells. Around and around we go. It never ends, does it.

I want to do some writing. I'm planning to limit my online presence this weekend. We'll have Sarah for three days and with her here and my trying to do constructive things at the same time, it won't leave much of me left to do anything.

There is a streak of vanity in me. I love pretty shoes and wearing heels. I love basic black and that I look good in it. And I find that I like watching my stats click along. I'm about to go over 25,000. I used to not even notice it because ... well it seldom moved. These days it is moving at a fast clip. I've posted about this phenom before. Most are coming from G+ and I've had more new people commenting. I love it when people comment. Means I didn't waste my time. Of course I don't view  my blog as a waste of time. I do it for me and if someone else finds something to like about it, great. Yet, it is a very seductive to watch those stats. They kind of make you hope for more.

It was an insane day at work and I'm exhausted. The  pills have helped ease some of my stress and I hope I won't need them for long. I just wish I could get past the tiredness. I need to do stuff!

Mike is coming over this weekend end and I'm going to try and put up some of the cabinets. I need them and I'm tied of waiting for the "right" time. It is now. I'll take photos. Those of you who have been with me for years will remember other posts of my home improvement jobs and their interesting outcomes. We usually have success but it is a circuitous route to get there.

May you all have a blessed Easter. Remember the reason is not a warm fuzzy bunny but a Savior who loved you enough to give his life for you. Even at your worst, you matter to Him.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Icky Day, All Day

The weekend was wet and cold and Monday is more of the same. I am home sick today. I don't know what I have...  some sort of stomach virus. I seem to have all the usual ugly symptoms that accompany stomach upset except vomiting. God is good cause that particular symptom never ends well for me. I still feel rather icky. My stomach just doesn't feel very good.

Last night I worked on my WIP a bit. I did some moving of scenes and getting the structure more organized. I actually felt like I accomplished something at one point. It suddenly seemed as if some things were jelling. We'll see. The thing needs a huge rewrite and that terrifies me no end. I'm going to continue to get the random sections from NaNo 2011 woven into it and then see what's missing. I see more writing in my future. I just wish Simon would start his incessant chatter again. I write much better when he just dictates it to me.

I ate scrambled eggs at lunch and some bacon. Well, I was starving by then since I was too sick to eat breakfast. And I felt like my stomach had settled down. However, the eggs didn't set well and I felt worse afterward. In fact, well... never mind. Best not share that bit. Suffice it to say that I could have driven to Florida for free. Must go now. Stomach just doesn't fancy sitting up. I've been lying down most of the day, watching Midsomer Murders. Probably why my writing sounds suspiciously British today. LOL.

Anyway, I'm thinking soup for supper. We'll see. Hope your day has been better than mine.