Showing posts with label rheumatoid arthritis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rheumatoid arthritis. Show all posts

Thursday, September 24, 2020

Cleaning Closets & Coming to Terms


Ah, children! Fall arrived with a whisper. The days gradually cooled, and the nights became cooler. The last month I've had so much pain I hardly noticed. 

But yesterday I woke to find I had so little pain that I felt refreshed. That allowed me to get small things done. Yesterday was a good day. 

This morning, I woke hurting all over and found a light rain fell during the early morning hours, explaining why I felt so bad. It's taken hours to feel functional, but the sun is shining now, so  I'll take it. 

Mike came over to do his laundry and is napping on my sofa. I didn't realize how bad his sleep apnea was until the weekend trip to Ohio. He's worse than me, I suspect. 

I'm coping with the stresses of Sarah being gone, but it has been difficult. The house is simply hollow without her, and I have times when I hear her down the hall or I feel that I need to get her to bed. That's probably the worst.  

I'm isolated to an extreme degree. No one comes here, but Mike and I can't go very many places with my suppressed immune system while Covid is still a genuine threat. I want to go to church so bad and may try this weekend. It isn't just the virus. I have trouble sitting or standing for long periods. My back and legs are still a problem. 

I have figured out what is causing the severe leg pain. My hips and legs have hurt so bad for months now and I've tried everything to get relief. I could barely walk most days. This week, I went into commando mode. The doctors keep blowing me off, so I used one of my topical meds that I don't use often. There is risk associated with Diflonec, but my pain levels became unendurable. So, I started plastering my hip and lower back with this medicine. 

Hips are difficult to medicate this way. Unlike knees, the hips are deep in the tissues and are a socket in addition. Getting topical meds to the affected areas is nearly impossible. In the past, I found that by putting one foot on a stool, the rounded part of the hip joint is more pronounced. So, I propped my foot on the toilet and put the medicine on and all around that area on each leg. I also do the area to either side of my lower back, closest to the hip. I have been doing it three to four times a day and wearing a Diflonec patch on my back at night. The pain is better, but at some point they're going to have to look at this for a better solution. Or I'm going to be in a wheelchair in terrible pain.

I've done no writing, focusing instead on getting rid of stuff. I have to work in small time spans and focus on a specific area, but I've cleared out some drawers. I must completely gut the closet in the spare room and organize that room. As I'm cleaning things in other rooms, if there is something I need to keep it goes in the spare room. I also need some shelving in there for my sewing and crochet items. At the moment, they're all over the house and I want them centralized. 

 I'm attempting to get rid of clothes I've finally decided I'll never be able to wear again. At some point, I have to just let go, give up. Things will not change. I'm never going to be a size 14 again. I'm never going to be 25 again. I'm never going to be me again. I have to learn to live with this body, this age, and who I am now. I don't like her much but, as I always say, it is what it is.

An unexpected disappointment came up this week. I brought my family dining table home from Mikes. We put it up but must not have tightened the leg enough. I had to move it and messed up the bracket. Getting a new one has proved impossible, so my only recourse is to have a metal worker create a new one. One is $125 and 4 is $150. Since I have neither amount, it isn't happening. I have to move it back to Mike's where he'll store it for me since he has room. I so wanted it up, but perhaps it is time to give up on it. Solid oak and 32 yrs old. No one is interested in it, and I have no family left to sit around it. I think it is one of the most difficult decisions I have to make. So many memories of meals, holidays, and game nights. I can get by with a tv tray but that table. We were so happy around that table. 

I suppose I should stop now. As I read back over it, I can't find anything that could interest anyone but me. And that's doubtful, too. I never thought of my life as exciting, but there was a place, a point in time, where things happened. Fun, exciting, and frightening. Life happened and I feel as if I missed it. I remember walking down streets in Frankfurt, Germany and feeling as if I was in a dream. I was, I think. Did it really happen? 

In case you had not noticed, I'm a mess. I'm broken in some way I can't comprehend. I can see it, and feel it. I'm not sure how or exactly where. I just know I have no way to fix it. 

I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Make the most of every moment, right now, while there's time. Living life on the ledge isn't always fun, but you'll make some wonderful memories along the way. 




Thursday, December 13, 2018

Wednesday Rant 10/12/18

I just needed to vent, I guess. Sorry if you're bored or annoyed but I feel ever so much better! There is some kind of hiccup about two minutes in and the audio is out of sync. I've tried to fix it but it was so time consuming I got aggravated. May do that later but hey, this is just for friends and family anyway.






Monday, January 16, 2017

Happy New Year... Late

We made it! I wasn't sure for a moment there but we arrived, only a little worse for wear.

My I've been away for a while. I've sort of fallen off the grid with this particular blog. To be honest, I've been ill for months, since November, with a hideous cold. I won't go into great detail but NaNoWriMo started in November and things were going well until about the second week. I had a cold that got worse and required antibiotics but despite that, it blew my NaNo to bits. Had it not been for my co-ML and another participant, I don't know what I'd have done. By the first week of December, I thought I was better.

That lasted a week and I was down again with a second round of the cold. This required a second round of antibiotics and I had to come off all of my RA meds for three weeks. I was sick until the first week of 2017. I began to feel human again. But the last several weeks I've battled fatigue that has made it impossible to do anything for more than a couple of hours a day.

I've been trying to write more if I can stay well and awake enough. I told a friend recently I was ready to give up on my writing. It is depressing to sit down and find that you can't think and you don't know what to do or even how to do it. I've been writing all my life and to reach this point is very discouraging.

I discovered over the holiday that Google Docs has a voice typing feature. My computer has a program installed just for that purpose and I've tried it a few times but it just wasn't very good. I could buy a dication program but they are ridiculously expensive and the reviews all say similar things about the inefficiency and need to extensive training. So, this morning I did a short session with Google Docs using the voice typing. I was astounded. It was error free. The biggest drawback was that I am ignorant of the commands to make edits. I'm going to go check for those and see how well it performs. I'm kind of excited about the idea because some days I am not well enough to sit in a chair for a few hours but I think it might be possible to write if I could voice type. We'll see.

As I said, I've done nothing this year so far. We're 15 days in and I've only about 500 words to show for it and a couple of bedrooms switched around. Sarah decided she wanted the full-sized bed instead of the twin. Frankly, it is better in her room. The twin fits better in the smaller room and I'm going to get it set up as a play area for her. She still doesn't like her dolls in her room and they can now have their own space and she'll be able to play with them much easier. They'll even have some drawers for their clothes.

I have plans to do some traveling this year. I don't know about very long trips. My problems with my RA and the fatigue are very inhibiting. I'm kind of afraid of getting off somewhere and being too ill to drive home. Driving with the fatigue is very scary. I had to go someone a week or so ago and it was terrible. I was terrified I'd have an accident because I was unable to focus well. I'm a good driver and never had an accident or a ticket but this was so bad I knew I had to get out of the car. I came home and immediately crashed in my chair for three hours. I slept so hard I felt drugged when I woke up.

Okay, think that's enough for now and it gets me started. I really ought to get a plan for blog posts. I don't think more than a half dozen folks really read this blog but at least it keeps me writing. It was always just a journal and several times I've considered closing it. But it gives me a place to just natter on about the trivial life I live. Sometimes people comment and I  love that. The other two blogs are more directed and I find it easier at times to post there than here.

I hope those of you who are reading have a wonderful new year, wherever you are and however you celebrate. I pray for blessings and grace in your life and may you have only great joy this year and beyond. Thank you for coming by and I hope you'll return. If not, Happy New Year anyway.


Monday, August 15, 2016

More of the Same

Things have been rather slow since I got back from Arkansas. My RA has been at near peak performance for months and I've grown a bit weary of it. A good day here and there is never enough relief. The barrage of storms that continue to roll across S. Indiana are a constant source of pain and the pain keeps me exhausted.

They are once again going to adjust my Cpap machine to try and reduce my apnea events. Obviously, I'm having too many. Is this why I'm tired? Who knows. I'm in constant pain, usually moderately severe. I sleep in pain and I wake in pain. You don't rest like that. So, I don't know if the adjustment will help.

And no, the Humira has not helped. They said six months to see a change. I'm 3 months in. Very little improvement, if any, is noted. In fact, I see signs of things worsening. I'm gaining weight because I can barely walk most days and have less strength in my legs and arms. Jars present Olympic challenges. Any work performed robs me of days of energy.

Reading is difficult because concentration is bad. Writing is difficult for the same reason and my hands hurt. Sitting hurts my back after long periods but walking hurts my hips. I actually feel better mentally when I can get some exercise if joint pain doesn't make it impossible to bear.

This has been a year of hell. I'm not usually a quitter but I've stopped fighting. It isn't going to get better. I don't want to think about what it is going to become.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

It's a Ledge But It Isn't Life


As I leaned against the bathroom wall this morning I don't think I've ever been so close to wishing I was dead. I don't ever put that into words anymore. I think we've all done it at some point in our lives, when we were young and didn't really see the value of life. We were stupid and just said what popped into our heads. But I stopped saying things like that a long time ago. Words have power. 

Today, I'm close. The pain is in every joint. Nothing is helping. I spent the next several hours lying in a chair trying to sleep. 

I don't know how I'm going to get through the next five days like this. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next five hours. I've tried to figure out what I did to deserve this kind of torture, because it is torture. It feels like your joints are being cooked from the inside, slowly. The cramps in my legs from the knee pain make lying down uncomfortable. And my neck, while it may look ok, is not. I can't sit in certain positions, like reading or crochet angles, so I'm constantly shifting for something that minimizes the pain and doesn't make my neck and shoulder go numb. I'm not reading or crocheting these days for more than minutes. That spreading numbness is very scary.


I've looked for all kinds of answers and I'm pretty tired of the effort. I really don't want to do it anymore. I've finally realized that there are no solutions. None.

What is even more frustrating is that I can't seem to get anyone to understand that there is nothing anyone can do to fix it. It is like talking to three year olds. They either think, because I'm up walking around that I don't have a problem or because I managed to get to work, I must be o.k. People seem to refuse to believe there isn't some magic potion to make you better. There isn't.

And I have to say when you are in pain, people tend to say the stupidest things, as if you haven't frantically searched for something that will help you. Yes, I know they mean well. Yes, I understand they are upset by my state. Yes, I do appreciate it. But to spare me any further pain of dwelling on the hopelessness of it please educate yourself on my disease. Google the hundreds of pages I've Googled. 

"Do you need to go to the hospital?" No.I can't afford it and they can't do anything anyway.

"Did you take something?" No because there is nothing else I can take. I am allergic to an ingredient they put in the medicines to treat the disease. That allergy will kill me if I take it.

"Can you call your doctor?" No. My doctor knows my condition and nothing has changed.

"What about .....?"  NO!

"Or .....?" NO!

"Maybe if you ...." NO, NO, NO!

Stop it already. 

Believe me when I tell you that in the middle of the worst pain, I've sat sobbing over Google looking for something that will fix it. I've read medical reports and articles, I've talked to other people with the disease. I've researched alternative medical sites. I've read junk science. It can't be fixed. There is nothing I can take. There is nothing I can do. There is nothing you can do. There is no place to go, no one to see, and no one to talk to about it. You can't help me. I can't help me. The doctor can't help me. 

So, I leaned against the wall, waiting for the water to get hot and said, "This isn't living. This is living death. And I don't want to do it."

I was surprised I meant it. 




Sunday, March 9, 2014

Death in a Bottle

I elected to not take the Methotrexate this weekend. It was a difficult decision and one for which I have no doubt I will suffer painful consequences. But I was already suffering consequences from the decision to take it. Within one month of starting it the pain in my joints was 100% better. The trade off was that the glands in my neck started to swell and I developed some kind of severe pain in the side of my neck below my ear that rapidly worsened to the point that turning my head in certain positions was agony. I developed numbness along the bottom of my jaw on that side and if I kept my head in that position long enough, the numbness crept up the side of my head and down to my shoulder. I had no explanation for it.

It was obvious to me that something wasn't right. When I returned to the doctor about two months later, I told her the problem and she completely ignored it. Made no reference to the neck pain at all. I mentioned I went to my Primary care physician and she thought it sounded like torticollis. She didn't seem interested and did not check the neck and gave the lymph glands a passing probe. "Yes, they're slightly swollen."

I became more and more depressed, to the point I was spending a lot of evening alone in my house crying. I also mentioned this to her but she didn't feel it was an issue, despite the flyer for the medicine saying this was a side effect of methotrexate, as are the swollen glands.

The swelling worsened. Those under my arms were a bit tender. I was using heat and cold packs on my neck day and night when I was at home. They helped a bit. The neck pain and stiffness got slightly better. It has not gone away. But as of the morning, after not taking the once a week dose yesterday, my glands have dramatically shrunk. I've felt exhausted for a while now, as I think I've mentioned on here. I'd  have to look back but I think ever since I've been on the Methotrexate I've been more tired. Yes, I did hurt less in my joints but my quality of life has not improved.

I've felt for years that my situation was the result of a virus. I watched a video that scared the heebee jeebees out of me a few night ago and kept me up most of the night with what I heard. It was horrible. I will not post the link here. If you want to watch it on YouTube look for Dr. R. E. Tent and a video about autoimmune disorders. I warn you it is insanely scary and sounds like a science fiction movie of epic portions. That was just the first hour.

The second hour, which I skimmed because I was in shock by then, he talked about his patients. He indicated Epstein Barr is connected to rheumatoid arthritis, headaches, and chronic fatigue. Last year, the first five months of the year, I was sick with what my Primary care doctor said was a "recurrence of the Epstein Barr virus". I couldn't believe that then because the symptoms I was having were not familiar to me when I was sick last year. That's mono and I had never in my life had that virus. Apparently, I did. You can have mild cases or just be a carrier.

In light of what I know now, it makes so many thing much clearer. And instead of throwing poison at it there has to be something else. No, I have no idea what. I just know that I believed for years that my condition was the result of a virus. I have no idea why I believed that, I just have always done so. It acts like a virus to me. And no, I'm not a doctor but I read and I pay attention to my body. I listen to it.

So, despite the devastating effects that are probably in store for me with the RA and the pain I am very familiar with,  I see no reason to take a medicine that has, in four months, made me as sick, if nor more so, as I am with RA. In the video, he called Methotrexate "Death in a Bottle".

If you pray, if you know someone who is able to pray for healing please bring my name to their attention. If you take Methotrexate or have in the past, I would like to hear your experiences on it. And if you know of reputable alternative treatments to any of these, I want to know.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

On the Mend

 The sinus infection seems to be waning. I've just been taking stuff to allow me to breath and using saline nasal spray for days. Seems to be working. I'm not an advocate of running to the doctor for every little issue but had this not shown signs of breaking up, I would probably have had to go. Antibiotics are the reason we are now battling super bugs. The body has defenses to address most infections but our arrogance in thinking our science was better than nature has resulted in our bodies not being able to combat these bugs. It will only get worse. We've actually weakened our immunity to disease by putting antibiotics in our food sources and over prescribing them.

Anyway, that aliens are leaving I think.

No real pain except today my left hip has a catch in it. Usually my right one bothers me but today both of them do. That's about the only pain I have at the moment. Thank God for that huge respite. I'm always so thankful for pain relief.

I had plans to do some things this weekend but with David's return and my half day trip to the airport nothing got done at all except laundry, which needs putting away. I've spent the day keeping up with Sarah and I didn't go to church tonight because I was simply exhausted an in need of some alone time. She's a joy but dynamite comes in small packages. She blows me away.

It is a late night and I'm about to go to bed. This is a wrap now. If I go much longer, I will be really exhausted tomorrow.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Plethora of Miscellany

I'm home today. I took two vacation days off from work because I haven't got enough time to be sick. I'm still sick. But I did sleep until nearly 9 today. I'm going to lunch in a minute.

I'm considering job hunting. I need to call around some places first and see how that's going to hit me financially. It will be a huge drop in income. And benefits. I've got 5 weeks of vacation a year, 14 paid holidays, 2 personal days a year, and 2 weeks sick time per year. I will lose all that and take probably a 50% pay cut. Not to mention, a retirement plan that they pay 8% a year on. I really need this job but this job is a good chunk of the problem. And it is going to get worse with staff cuts.

Here's what we think is happening. We believe they are trying to force people out so they can restructure the jobs with less benefits, less pay, and fewer people. In a this kind of job, if all staff in one job leave, they can re-post those jobs for less money and benefits. Our agency is a high performer in with HUD. This means we're never late on our submissions to HUD. That's what you want to be. However, if you cut staff, your ability to stay at the high levels decreases exponentially. During a recent meeting with the ED, I specifically asked what happens if we're so short staffed we can't continue as a high performer. I pointed out with the promised cuts in staff, that would probably happen. The ED said, HUD would step in and administer the program. That means everyone in my department would be gone completely. HUD would come in, take over, at no cost to the agency, and then at some point, the agency could restructure the department and rehire at reduced administrative cost.

If you google corruption in federally assisted housing, you will find it is a highly abused program. Across the nation agencies are consistently misusing funds and those in charge are frequently the culprit.. This is to the determent of those receiving the assistance as well as the people employed. Having worked in the industry for 15 years, I can tell you, fraud is not that hard to detect if there are checks in place to flag it. But honestly, it is an easy system to manipulate if no one watches.  Here's a HUD report of how prevalent the problem is. http://www.coburn.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?a=Files.Serve&File_id=641349c1-4667-4c9b-9bf9-1ec5b52ccd5d

And past scandals abound: http://www.downsizinggovernment.org/hud/scandals

So, maybe it is time for me to consider something else. I would so miss the luxury of all that time off. I'd be working more for less. I don't know if I can do that. Not anymore.


I'm still having trouble with exhaustion, dizziness, headache, muscle pain, joint pain, ringing in my ears, and anxiety. I've been going to bed 9-9:30 nearly every night. I sleep. I'm better the first four hours of the morning and then I come crashing down. I may have a few hours in the afternoon when I feel o.k. but I generally get very sick in the afternoon.

This has been going on for a month now, progressively worse. This week... on Sunday I told the boys I felt like I was dying. They weren't happy with the assessment. I'm not thrilled either.

So, what to do. Nothing. If it is fibro, there's nothing they can do. It is RA, there's nothing they can do. I see my RA doctor in two weeks. I called my primary and they'll see me today at 2:15 but I'm suppose to go to the bank at 3:30 and close on my house! We'll see.

Did I mention I went to the Y with Dave on Tuesday night? I managed 30 minutes on a bike. I had leg cramps that night and the Wednesday. No, I didn't use resistance. I just got on and peddled at a leisurely pace while reading.

I am hoping to get my head clear enough to writing some over the weekend. I simply don't know. It has been such a nightmare for weeks trying to do anything.

Now for lunch. I should have time to go grab a salad before my doctor's appointment around 2. I can sit and read for a bit maybe. I'm already feeling tired and I've done nothing.


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A Patch

I've reached my limit. I've had a horrible month. I anticipate this time of year being difficult for me but I expected more around the first of the year, the anniversary of Jerry's death. I was so busy it slipped by unnoticed for a week or more. So, I guess it just caught up with me.

Instead, in the last two months, I've simply been on the slippery slope where I was physically ill with a variety of things. In February, I had a rash on my ankles and legs that I have no idea what caused it but that cost me several nights sleep and a trip to the urgent care. I had pain in all major joints, was unable to walk without limping for days, was not sleeping well, even with medicine. I had increased ringing in my ears, more lost sleep, coughing, sneezing, and now, pain in my hands.

 I've been struggling with pain in my hands the last couple of days that was so bad I was having trouble working. I do tons of data entry. I write. My hands are my living. And they were in bad shape. Tonight, they are better. I asked people to pray for me and I started putting some medicine I use on other major joints on my hand. I still have pain but not nearly as bad. I am hoping by tomorrow that the pain will be gone.

And then there has been the last three weeks of overwhelming exhaustion that had me barely able to get through a day at work without falling out. Some days I had to simply find some place and put my had down because I was so tired I couldn't hold it up. By the time I dragged myself home I was in tears because I was so tired I couldn't bear it. It is a tired that you can't begin to imagine. No, you can't. I can't imagine it either. And when I lay down I could not rest. Things hurt.

The sheer volume of what I'm dealing with has become unbearable. I simply can't take it anymore. The proverbial brick wall lies in shambles from the impact. And when my mind starts reasoning that what I'm doing is not living, but dying slowly, in pieces, then I know I'm in a bad place. It is a road I've traveled several times and it ends on a ledge overlooking a bottomless pit. You're too tied to do more than stare down into it and think about how very easily it would be to just close your eyes and lean over and let go. It isn't going to get better.

I came home from work today and took Ativan. They prescribed it for me when Jerry died. I was on it a couple of months. It is amazing stuff but I stopped taking it after a while because it is highly addictive. I have enough problems without an addiction. I've taken them a couple of times since then, for about a week at a stretch. But I still have maybe 25 pills. Tonight I started again. This is the point at which addiction is a very minuscule issue.

No, it isn't a fix. I've decided nothing can be fixed. It's nothing but a patch.





Sunday, June 17, 2012

Morning Aches

I had intended to go to church this morning and take Sarah with me. She spent the afternoon here and was going to spend the night. She was up at 3 a.m. and wanted to go home. I don't know what the problem is. She said I snore but I doubt anyone snores louder or more terrible than her dad and she sleeps in their room! She used to spend the night a lot on weekends but just stopped. 

Anyway, I woke up to a bad headache, my back felt wrapped in a vice, neck hurts, and walking was difficult. I'm going in a moment to get a hot shower to see if it will loosen things up a bit. I so wish I had someone to rub my back. That "locked" feeling is the worst thing. All the muscles simply won't move without resistance. 

It has been miserably hot, so much so that you can't be outside. No rain again for days. What little we got has simply evaporated. I need to water the flowers but going for the hose is misery. I'm thinking of moving the sprinkler into the front yard and simply turning it as needed. Whoever cuts the yard can simply move it around. That would save me a bit of effort. 

I'm still meeting with my writing friends online in the g+ hangouts. That works so well! Very much like getting to meet face to face without all the bother with deserts and special clothing. Well, we do wear clothing but I can simply slip on my most comfortable PJ's and I'm ready. I've enjoyed these hangouts a lot and if you haven't tried one, you should. 

OH! Forgot to mention. I bought an HDMI cord for my computer and can now link it up with my television. It is very cool really. I can watch all sorts of videos on my television now via Youtube, Hulu, Netflix or any other source. Mike and I use the same Netflix account and I pay half so that helps him. I was doing HULU but most of the content that I got was the same thing as nonpaying. Only difference was I could put most of it on the t.v. The content was still very limited. Netflix has much more content and so far everything can go on the t.v. 

I'm going to watch the season 4 finale to Dr Who (David Tennant), The End of Time. I haven't seen it. I'm dreading it a bit as I just adored him as Dr. Who. The reviews I read about it say it was a very sad show. I just spent the last several weeks watching all the seasons he was Dr. Who. I  used to watch them when they were on but for some reason I stopped. I think it was the night it came on was a conflict for me. Anyway, I'm going to see the finale today. It is 2 hrs long! May have to watch in parts.... You know that death stuff really upsets me and this is a favorite character. 

All right, got sidetracked and now an hour has passed and I'm still aching. I'm going for the hot shower now. 

Sunday, April 22, 2012

A Positive Outlook

I overslept. I sat up too late, as usual when I'm more or less a slug. I sat around and did nothing yesterday. Only left the house to go eat and came right back to my chair. I read off an on but mostly just wasted time. It annoys me. It is as if my mind belongs to someone else and they've taken my body hostage.

Sarah came over late and watched t.v. while I just sat. She did cut up with me a bit but mostly we both were slugs. Well, she's only 5 so it is a bit unusual for her.

Today it is cold and I'm stiff and achy. So, when the clock went off, I didn't respond very well. And now I'm feeling very guilty about it.

Because... I don't want to be this way. I want to jump out of bed, awake, feeling good, and be out and doing something that means something. I don't want to have no energy, stamina, and interest.

It is just one of those weekends where I've given hours of my life away. I know part of it is the weather but I keep feeling like it is my fault. I should just get up and move. Then, my body informs me that it simply doesn't like what I'm asking. Today, my hands and feet are bothering me but it is mostly just this tired. I was doing well most of the week. Beginning to get to bed earlier and get more, not better, sleep. I could tell it was working. I blew it the last two nights. I simply have so little time when I can do my own thing, a weekend is not enough, and so I sit up too late. Just like I did for years. Before I was given this fibro curse.

I am going to get dressed. I am going to get lunch. I am going to read something besides blogs. Maybe doing it will give me a more positive outlook.

If I can just get up.



Saturday, February 11, 2012

Misery and Bitter Cold

It is 18 degrees and the wind has been insane all night. That low pressure we had was pushed out by a high pressure system the sun is shinning finally but no way am I getting out in that!

As a result in the shifting pressures, Friday night's editing plans went down the tube. The weather turned vicious... to me anyway. By 9 p.m. I was hurting nearly everywhere and my neck and shoulders were the worst. I found a chair I could sit in in the living room and I managed to get a position that wasn't too bad but I couldn't believe how much I was hurting in so short a time! And there was nothing to take that late. The generic tylenol only last 8 hours. I'd have woken in the middle of the night in pain.

I am going to take it this morning, however. I'm hoping, as the high settles down that I will get better. I went to bed I think around 11. All I did was read. I'm up this morning at 10 and in about half an hour I'll pay bills then I hope I can start on the real work.


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

One Day Down...Three to Go!

Felt like I'd stepped off a curb just as the proverbial bus happened by. My right leg did no want to work this morning. I'm not doctor but this just isn't right. And they keep ignoring it. I shuffled down the hall until I could get it moving but I nearly fell. And on the way here I had sharp pain in the lower right quadrant of my back... (sigh) And my left shoulder and neck hurts. I just took two acetaminophen.

I go over this sort of stuff because it is the easiest way to keep a record of it. LOL, so you can skip that part if you like.

Regarding WRoE, I finished merging last night. I didn't get started till late but it took about an hour to finish it up. I ended up with roughly 66,000 words all together according to Scrivener. About 8,000 of those I have no idea where they go in the story. All of them won't for certain. Remember this is a work I started as a lark and it has changed considerably over time. And there is more writing to do. 

I'm dreading the rest of it. The opening is still not clearly defined. But... the tedium of merging the two stories is done and for that I am truly thankful.

I started my work morning watching Celtic Thunder. I love this group. You either smile or you cry but either way it is a pleasure. I posted videos, as most of you probably know by now. I have to get some CD's! I'm a sap for Celtic music anyway. 

O.k. who knew Celtic men could sing like that and look so good. Must plan a trip to Ireland or Scotland. Problem is the language barrier.... I love the sound of their speech but can't understand them sometimes. Of course, I could just sit and listen and not worry about understanding if a fella looked like these guys! 

All right. Now I have to go clean the keyboard ... drool everywhere. Hope you all have a good day.



Monday, January 9, 2012

A Gilded Monday

We don't, of late, get them very often. The sun is shinning in a blue heaven covered with sheer, gauzy clouds. It is still cold at 43F but when you can look out on such a day from a warm room it is bearable.

I feel o.k. Which, when you think about it, is a slight improvement. I didn't feel o.k. last week. The neck is a bit better. I've stopped sitting on the sofa for several days now. Saturday night I used the kitchen table again but moved to one of the living room chairs. I put a cushion on the coffee table and put my feet up and got my portable computer table. I spent the afternoon there yesterday watching t.v. and crocheting. 

I also took acetaminophen for pain and I think it helped a bit. I slept better the last several nights but that never last. One takes what one gets. 

I am still working on the novel merge. It is a laborious process. I have about 12,000 words to go. I will be so glad to get done with it. I still need to decide on how to open this story. I have the beginning of the story but the opening scene has to be a very big hook and that's where I'm having problems. I have to convey this is a psychic spy in that first scene and it is harder than you think. I can't say  he's a psychic spy. I have to show it. So, challenge but one to be dealt with later, thank goodness.

I went to church yesterday morning and last night. I'm so out of practice doing that and I now get so sleepy by 9 p.m. that it was very difficult. I thought about doing that Saturday service instead of the Sunday night one before and I may revisit that. I may try it and see how it works first. 

Tonight I will go home and make every attempt to finish the novel merge and be ready to start on the real work after that. My idea is to work on some sort of outline first. I really need to get the full story arc in my mind and then take each section. 

Now I must get back to work.