Writers's Asylum Meeting Success

We had Writers' Asylum meeting tonight. It is always such fun to have them over. And we hammered out a slogan.. courtesy of the Snowgoon, aka Goon. ( Actually he said it and the inmates all howled approval.)

Here is the new slogan for the Writers' Asylum Writing Group: "You don't have to be crazy, you just have to be committed."

Kathy is working on the logo. Looks really cool so far.

We critiqued Katie tonight, offering her lots of feedback and suggestions that I think will really help her in her writing. She has a good start to a story. One suggestion we really think is a good idea for anyone wanting to write, take your favorite book and critique it. Look at all aspects of it. Take it apart and study the structure, the techniques used and how the writer kept the story moving.

We finished just a bit later than usual. They sat around and listened to me for half an hour. Now that's friends for you. There is just a warmth and security you can't get anywhere else but in the presence of people who you know really care about you. I always say this but it can't be said enough. I love you gals.... and Goon.

I immediately got my shower and am piled in bed doing my final post of the day. I almost forgot it. I'm tired tonight.

I did my presentation this morning. Went fine. Only about 8 people in attendance. Two just wanted to whine in public rather than call the office. I guess they wanted witnesses to their complaints. Suites me. Doesn't change what is.

Its been a difficult week and I haven't done a lot. Told the group tonight I was at a point I was ready to chuck writing into the Ohio and watch it drift away on the tide. I'm just worn out for some reason. I'm needing more sleep than usual. But it is probably because the days at work have been more stressful and hectic. There were 193 tenants between 8:15 and 2:30! And I was out for about two hours of that. We had a lunch break as well of an hour and a half. So, basically, seven clients for each of six case managers every hour for five hours. Something like that. It was a long day.

And tomorrow is only Thursday.

So, good night all. May the sun shine on you all in the morning.

Downhill...

Considering most of the week has been, I suppose I shouldn't be surprise it is Wednesday. The only redeeming quality I see is that Writer's Asylum will meet tonight. I'll get to visit with some funny people and talk about what we all like to do in our "free" time, which none of us have enough of.

I went to bed at 7:30 because I simply couldn't see very well. I didn't intend to doze off but I guess I did because I had a phone call wake me around 8:30. I was so exhausted last night and wasn't even aware of how much so. I chatted with friends for a bit but I was kind of worried that my nap may have finished my night. Not so. I shut the light out again at 11:30 and I was out in minutes. Slept all night until the clock went off at 6:30. No, I did not want to get up.

We have 193 recertification appointments today between 8:15 a.m. and 3 p.m. with an hour and a half for everyone to take lunch. That is 7 people every 15 minutes for 6 case managers. While that is going on, I have to give a presentation at the Apartment Association at 10 so I will leave within an hour of the start of recerts and probably not get back until after lunch.

Our department has an hour and a half to do the presentations. There will be my boss, one inspector and me. Originally it was planned that two others would go but when I pointed out that we had so many people coming in it would be a mad house, he had to change it.

Ok, got to hit the road. I need about another hour of sleep, I think. But not to be. I'll stop and get breakfast. Have a good day.

No sun again.

One Down and Four To Go

Tuesday. Good Lord, how many clouds could there possibly be? They've taken up permanent residence over Indiana just to keep me annoyed.

There must be a terrible drought somewhere. Clouds are water vapor in the air. So if all that water is trapped in clouds, the ground must be really dry somewhere.

I'm tired. I have a cold that seems to be getting a bit worse. Still it is only a mild one so maybe I should take something. But what? It is a head cold at this point with a mild cough starting now. I need to be in bed but I spent the day there Sunday and it didn't help much.

This afternoon I have an eye exam and my teeth cleaned. I need the glasses but my teeth, well, my insurance pays for it so I'm going. But they always say they're very clean. Helps if you brush your teeth regularly with the right stuff. Get an electric tooth brush, too.

Went to the Y. Arm is o.k. Back hurts and neck and they did before I went to bed. I knew I was straining it because I was in too deep. But the class is too big this time. They let a lot of people in who weren't registered and so it is crowded.

Dave and Becca came over after I came home and we had pizzas and of course stories and puzzles. I told someone she chases the dark with golden hair, sunny smiles and giggles. She is just a doll baby and always cheers me up a bit. David worked on my shoulder some and it helped. Sarah told him "Be careful, Daddy, you'll hurt Mawmaw. She's fragile."

I still didn't go to bed until late. I think I probably should tonight. I'm very tired. Probably the cold on top of everything else.

God, I'm a mess. I should make this kind of stuff private, I suppose. Who wants to read a bunch of whining, moaning, groaning, mess. I have to get to work anyway so I'll stop here.

Don't let me rain on your day. I expect nature will do enough of that. For those who have sun. Take photos so you can remember it. I saw Jilly did. Looked so lovely in her back yard. I'd love to sit on that bench in the corner she has and watch the birds.

Another Gray Monday

No sun today. Once again the clouds have blanketed the sky in thick batting. It isn't as cold as it has been, currently 39 degrees but still cold.

I wanted to stay in bed today. I suppose you could say I pray every morning before I go to work. I'm praying before I ever get out of bed. I don't feel overly pious about it. I'm simply repeating certain phrases. "God help me" seems to be the most predominate one. It would be funny if it wasn't pathetic.

I seem to have a stomach issue. I had it yesterday afternoon and last night. My stomach just didn't feel really good. Still doesn't today. Grumbly feelings and not good. I've had to go to the bathroom several times and I'm afraid I shouldn't go to the Y tonight. But it so helped my arm last week.

The pain has been much better this week, a sure sign it is fibro rather than something else. I suspect when I injured the muscle months ago it set up the cycle for the fibro to attack that muscle. The only thing that helps is working the muscle, even when it hurts. And I have to work through the pain rather than wait for the pain to stop. Just about kills you for the first ten minute but honestly, if you stick it out, it gets better after that. I know it is crarzy but it does work.

So, I'd really like to go, even though I want to go to bed. The lesser of two evils is depression. The pain only makes that worse so if I get relief from the pain, I'm ahead... well, it looks like I'm ahead to me.

On a slightly positive note, don't dare get too may of those in a depressing entry, I'm sleeping better since I moved the bed. I moved the night table to the other side of the bed and I now sleep on that side. I still don't like it much because my back is to the door and that was the side Jerry slept on but moving it has helped. I must know that the phone, light and tissue is on that side because I roll over there now to sleep. Silly. At any rate, it has taken some pressure off the left side. I still roll that way but not as much I did.

I'm stopping now and getting back to work. The day has passed quickly, thankfully. I will make my mind up about the Y later. See if the stomach improves.

A Sunday in Bed

I woke up early this morning, just before 8. The plan was to fix my hair, which I had rolled last night, and go to church. I felt hideous. I shut off the alarm and went back to bed. I've been up twice to go to the bathroom, once to get coffee and the muffin I bought yesterday for today's breakfast. the rest of the day I have sat here in bed waiting for time to pass. It has just gone past the lunch hour. I've been looking at movies to watch but actually, I can't get past the first five or 10 minutes of anything. I've switched several times.

I was reading something, not a novel, just a devotional, around 9 o'clock and out of the blue this amazing . . . vision if you will, rushed at me of me running to meet Jerry and throwing my arms around him and he spinning me around. Stupid, stupid, stupid. No idea why or whence it came. It was cruel and painful and ripped me to shreds. I've been here in bed for hours and I do not know when I will be able to get up and face reality. I do not want to get up. I do not want to think. And I do not want to hear platitudes. If one more person tells me it will get better, they're going to find out how many swear words I actually learned listening to Daddy when he drank.

I want to get something to eat but nothing appeals to me. There isn't really anything in the fridge to fix. I've let it get empty. I'm going to give my large freezer to Dave and Becca. They have use for it. If I need anything else, I'll just find me a small chest type. I have a few things in the refrigerator freezer but I usually fill it up with ice trays. I drink a lot of iced tea, sodas, and water.

I also have a cold... nose was all stuffy for several days now. I think I should go see about food. It really is too much bother, though. I'm just really very tired.

And yes, I'm taking the stuff for depression. I'm not depressed. I don't know what I am. Hollow, empty, dejected, filled with an unendurable sense of loss, a sense of never finding my way back, shrouded in a mist that clears briefly but then shrouds me in a thick cloud.

I tired to sleep but couldn't get to sleep. Kat called around 1 and I talked with her for a bit. I am afraid I was not much in a chatting mood. I was very down but it was a good thing to have to think not think about my own life and laugh at some of the things she has seen while she was there. We, of course, talked about writing and how we were going to handle the next set of scenes in the Inkwell. Initially we had intended to be done by now but life interfered. So we'll be stretching it out for at least another week. We've both been working on things that will fill the week up and I hope by next weekend we can get the culmination out there.

I think we've both got a lot of stuff from this experience and we're read to move to another idea or story line.

I finally fixed something to eat about 2. I was beginning to feel strange and figured I should probably eat and see it I felt better. I don't know if I did or not. I feel very disconnected and not sure what that means.

Then, I decided to take the rollers out and fix my hair. I hate it. It looks horrible. I don't like it at all but it 's up and shall remain. I think part of it is that I looked in the mirror and realized I look old today. I didn't recognized myself for a minute. And all the white hair that was visible on the rollers was a real shock. I hadn't noticed when I was rolling it last night but this morning, there was the nearly white head of hair in the front. I wasn't happy with it and it only served to feed an already bad mood.

I'm still in bed. I have to dress in a couple of hours but until then, I'll stay right here. I need to get something to drink too as I may be a bit dehydrated. I've had two cups of coffee, one glass of juice and a glass of iced tea all day... well, except for the water when I took my pills.

This is a totally worthless, depressing post. Sorry, I can't fix it.

That's All I've Got to Say

I'm working.

I appear to have a head cold.

I was in bed before 10 last night.

It's Friday.

Yay.

Wednesday Why

Why indeed. Wednesday, the mid point of chaos and confusion. A week so busy I'm rarely aware of the time passing until I check the clock and see I've forgotten lunch. Fortunately, it is lunch time when I check but to actually get to lunch without being frustrated that it is taking too long to reach it is quite odd.

I'm going to the Y tonight for the pool workout. It does help a little bit but I'm not really motivated. Why should I care how I look or feel or if I am healthy? I'm not going to get better in that area. So who cares. It doesn't really seem to improve and honestly, there is no one to really consider anymore but me. I had Reese cups for supper last night. I ate until I was tired of them. I skipped breakfast. Had junk food for a snack before lunch. Ate more junk food after lunch. Not much because I wasn't actually hungry. But when I looked at it I thought, why not? I'm just going to die anyway of something and depriving myself of things I like and want to do is just a waste of effort. No one to care how I look but me... and I don't so much anymore.

So if I don't want to take a walk why bother? If I don't want to get up, why should I? If I want to leave paper all over the floor, why shouldn't I? It really doesn't matter. And I am amazed that it all makes sense to me now. I don't have to wash the dishes until I feel like it or need something. That's is not going to happen often since I eat an average of a meal a day.

I don't have to sweep, mop or dust. Why bother? I don't! Never again do I have to care about how things look or smell or feel. I clean up if I know someone is coming. Laundry is piled on the spare bed. Why put it away? I just pull it out again. I'm washing now but it can just lay in the basket when it's done. It's only sheets and towels.

I'll have tons of time to do nothing but sit and stare at the television screen or computer screen. I can play games until bedtime. I can write if I want. Or not. Who blinking cares anyway.

Not me.

Huh, I'm already dead, I guess.

Swimmingly

Just got back from the Y and I am going to find food. Wasn't hungry before but am now! My shoulder is painful but no more than usual so I guess it doesn't matter. We'll see tomorrow. I have PT in the morning. I did not do the exercises that put a strain on the muscles that hurt. Some I couldn't do had I wanted to try. Major pain to row backward. No back stroke either.

I'm gone until tomorrow. I'm missing the writing sessions with Kat. So I am going to go in there and after I eat I'm going to do one without feedback. We'll see how it goes. I know she is probably going crazy anyway being without any computer at all. LOL, bet she comes home wanting to write non-stop.

Which brings me to a question. I'll be gone on this cruise for 5 days. I am debating taking my laptop. I can't imagine not writing for five days! It is just not good. No blogs, no stories, NOTHING! Almost makes me thing twice about it. Oh yes it does. Writing has kept me sane for the last year. It is my new drug of choice. So, anyone ever take a laptop on a cruise? LOL.

Ok, I'm really hungry and tired. Glad I got my shower at the Y. I shall leave you all to contemplate and I'll fill my plate.

Dark Ages

Yes, I think we are there again. Look outside! Gloomy gray clouds, colder by the minute, threats of rain or snow. Yucky day! And yesterday was so promising.

I got up at my usual time this morning. No, I had no trouble going to sleep last night, despite my having a nap from 3- 7 last night! Amazing. I thought sure I'd not sleep at all. I'm glad I did. Must have been exceptionally tired.

Tonight is the Y exercise class. I may go a bit early and see if I can get on a machine for a while. I really need to start toning up. I've lost a few pounds since Jerry died and some things are just not looking too good. Remember the video blog about the mirror thing? Yeah.

Ok, going now because work is calling. Only three and a half hours to go so maybe I can get through it.

Some out there, please send sunlight!

Sunday Night Sign Off.

Went to church this morning and spent the whole day in bed when I came home. I actually sat with the laptop and did things on the computer. You know, emails and some games, then my aunt called and then, I got so sleepy! I lay down and went to sleep.

My son called twice and woke me up wanting to know if I was sleeping! And was I going to church. He really wanted to go. I've got to find a car for him to use. My daughter-in-law called and said she'd call back later. As a result when the calls stopped I went into a heavy sleep and didn't wake up until 7 p.m. I guess I was tired. But in truth, I'd been up since 7 a.m. So I probably had reason. My shoulder was hurting badly this morning. It is better but the arm is just not much use when it is like this.

I'm getting ready to turn out the lights now.

Ok, I'm going now. I'm tired again so I hope I sleep. I must have been really exhausted to sleep so much today. I think the depression is much better this week. That or that shopping trip did me a world of good. But I hate shopping and spending money so I can't really believe that. Everyone have a great week.

Lazy Sunday

I'm sitting here in my bed where I've been since around 2 p.m. I was working on emails and reading blogs when my cell phone rang. It was Kat! I couldn't believe it! I told her before she left to call me if she needed to. Just in case she needed to hear a sane voice while she was in Houston seeing about her mom. In crisis it is often nice to have someone on the outside you can call just to keep you calm. You never know.

As you remember, her mother was found unconscious in the doorway of her apartment and has been in ICU. So, Kat called and she was laughing! LOL, she said "I was just sitting here thinking I can't believe I'm going to call Dixie!" I was happy to hear from her, too.

Her mother is improving but they don't really know what happened yet. She is still not communicating well. She has some kind of kidney infection they are treating and it may have caused her to become confused. Apparently that can happen with older people. Her mom is 89! But she is better. Kat said she could see a big improvement from this morning to this afternoon.

She also said it was too early to tell if there has been any secondary problems. There is a risk of brain damage in hypothermia.

I told Kat you had all sent good wishes and prayers. She sends her thanks. It was very nice to chat with her but we are both feeling the impact of writing deprivation of not writing about Simon and Serge. She doesn't have access to a computer there and well, I could write but we're at a crucial place and it won't work. So, I will have to wait for her return. I told her we should have written ahead and so we'd have things to post in the event one of us went on vacation. But who knew!

She did say it was in the 60's there! Spring in Texas!

Everyone have a good Sunday and hope your week is filled with warm weather and sunshine.

I try to be optimistic.

Coffee's On

The sun woke me at 8 and I've already had a cup. I've given up trying to sleep in on Saturdays. I'm going to sit here and do nothing. Well, maybe write.

Everyone please keep my friend, Kat in your prayers. Her mother is in the hospital in Texas in serious condition. She was found lying in her doorway yesterday morning by a neighbor. They don't know how long she was there and when I talked to Kat last night her core temp was only 87. She is flying down there today and I know she must be very worried and upset. Pray for her mother, as well, that she will recover.

We will be letting Simon and Serge stew for a few days until Kat is back and able to write.

Ok, going away for now. I feel pretty empty today. I had a difficult night last night. and did nothing but watch television shows on Hulu and Fancast. Mindless, mind numbing. Could not bear thinking at all. I miss Jerry so much on the weekends. You don't know how important doing things together is until you can't. No one to share a joke with, or watch a funny or exciting movie with, no one to take a walk with or work in the yard or house with.

Do you realize how much fun it is to clean house with a man? It was always, when he was in a normal job, a joint project. Then we'd go to lunch. We loved taking the kids to lunch on Saturday... even after they grew up. It was always time spent with our children we loved the most.

O.k. not doing this.

Running Out of Week

Only a couple of hours until I'm out of work week. I'm thrilled it is nearly over. I can't tell that Monday was a holiday!

I was sitting here a few minutes ago and looked at the clock and said, "Oh God! Still two hours to go! I feel like I've worked all week." Well. . . . . . .I have. So, I'm ready to go home. I'm supposed to keep Sarah some tonight. I'm just not sure I'm up to it now. I want to go home.

Anyway, another week of chaos is ending and I'm glad. I do not anticipate a whole weekend of loneliness but there isn't much for that. I'm not a shopper, runner, or gad about, particularly alone. I always enjoyed the weekends Jerry and I got to spend together. They became fewer and fewer. We hardly got to see one another at all. We both missed it when he had to work all weekend. And now, I can't ever have that again.

I don't want to become one of those women addicted to my job because I have no personal life. That isn't fun for me. Five days as someones servant is plenty. I don't have an solution. Doubt anyone does. I don't like to think about it much because it upsets me a lot. I know it shouldn't but it does. Life isn't very attractive anymore.

Friday's Gold

Once again the sun gilds the top of the trees outside my window. There was sun pouring into the kitchen window as well when I got coffee. I'm half dressed and stopped to drink it. I am so happy it is Friday. I'll be thrilled if the sun shines all day.

I have a PT appointment this morning at 8:30. My arm has hurt less in the last three or days but I don't think it is because of PT. I think, based on the way this pain is behaving, this is fibro pain. It strikes randomly, it last for days, it seem to not be connected with any particular activity. I remember the calf muscle hurting off and on for over a year, with no reason and no fix. I could exercise and it helped ease the pain for short times but it always came back and I'd be limping. As soon as the calf pain stopped, the deltoid pain came back. I still have calf pain once in awhile but it doesn't last long. So, I'm concerned this is not treatable. I know I hurt that muscle and it is probably why it is now hypersensitive and picking up pain signals. Those are coming from my brain.

We'll see. Right now, I have to get my hair combed and get ready to face another day. For the moment, I'll deal with the hour. My grandmother used to tell me, "Stop worrying about tomorrow. You might not even be here!" LOL, she was teasing of course but I've learned what she apparently knew, life is short. And it is painful enough in the now.

Over the Horizon

I believe, I'm not sure, but I believe that is sun peeking over the horizon. Trees just outside my window have the upper sections bathed in a light golden tint. {sigh} One can only hope.

I have a slight headache this morning. I'm not sure why. Had a mild one yesterday, too. I'm still feeling down. Not the blinding depression of two weeks ago but just very sad. It is never far away, just around the next corner. I suppose total escape is not going to be possible. I can laugh for a while, distract myself with writing, chatting, talking on the phone. But laughter doesn't last forever. I can't write all the time. I get tired of the phones.

And I always have to come home, back to reality and such a very empty house. It isn't home anymore. I've always loved my house, warts and all. So many repairs needed. A complete face lift is the only solution. But I've neither the energy or concern to really tackle it.

I've thought about taking some of Jerry's photos down. Not because I don't want to see him anymore. But because I do. Each time I step into the hallway I face two. I sit in my study and he watches from the sidelines. In my bedroom he hangs over my bed. In my living room he smiles into the whole room. Every photo is a family portrait so taking them down means taking down my family. But really, it is just another burial.


People said it gets better. They don't know what that means. They just know that all the people they've seen who've lost someone to death, seem to get up and go about their business. Maybe other people do. I go through a lot of motions. But they don't really mean anything. It's just a way to get through a day without thinking about much except what you are doing at that moment. You don't think back and you don't think forward. You think now. You don't plan.

I suppose we just live with a hope that it will end. That something will fill the hollow spaces. I keep thinking I'll get up and look out to find something bright just over the horizon. Around that corner, something good will step out and wrap me in a warm cloak. I won't be cold. It won't be dark.

I keep hoping so.

I just don't believe.

Wednesday Writers' Asylum

Did I tell you guys that my writing group now has a name? Writers' Asylum. Courtesy of Snowgoon. He named us and we all agree it is perfect. We decided tonight we need shirts.. maybe hoodies. LOL. And I told him he needs to come up with a logo for us.

We had a nice time and reviewed Kathy's story about her reluctant psychic hot-line detective. It is a funny story and we all see lots of potential in it.

Cassie, our new inmate, came and she said she was so excited to be here and you could see that she was. It is always uncomfortable being in a group setting for the first time with virtual strangers. She was very quiet but seemed to enjoy it. She's younger than all of us but in our previous meetings with her we were impressed by her goals and her drive. We're looking forward to working with her, reading her writing, and just getting to know her.

After we finished Kathy's critique we all just did the usual chatter about whatever comes out of our mouth. It is a nice feeling sitting with this group and no one wants to move to end it. We're all, probably for the first time in days, relaxed and there are no demands on us, no pressures from the outside. Just the companionship of friends. It is hard for all of us to get up and say good night. I see it each time with the lingering good-bys, the hugs, and stopping to say one more thing. I'm glad they feel comfortable in my home. I know when they go, there is light here and warmth.

Slide into Night

The day is on the downhill side and the icy slope as it heads into night is a problem to navigate. I was fine but my mood seems to be darkening and I don't really know why. I noticed around 2:30 that I wasn't feeling myself. Just a general slump. And now it is 3:30 and I'm feeling the weight that will only get heavier. I am hoping that the meeting tonight will lighten my mood.

It would not be so difficult if you could erase images, forget events, sounds, smells. But you can't and they jump out at you at inconvenient times. I can't leave my job and go home to compose myself. So, I simply watch the day darken and wait until I get home to see if I can find some light.

Another Cloudy Day

You heard it here first.

I am about to leave for work. Tonight is my writer's meeting and I'm so excited! I l always love it when these people appear at my door. They are just fun to be with and it is always an evening we get to talk about what we all love the most. New girl should be here tonight to try us out.

Tuesday Masquerade

I hate Tuesdays that masquerade as a Monday. They just don't feel right. Usually by Tuesday you've gotten past the worse of the calls, the heaviest load of paper, the most annoying client. But a Tuesday that masquerades as a Monday is filled not only with Monday's stuff but the stuff that usually comes on Tuesday as well. It is just frustrating.

I'm at the 3:30 mark and feel antsy. I want to go home and write. I have several things I need to get done tonight. I can tell that the depression is better. The pain isn't better... just the black cloud that envelopes me when it is at its worst.

I'll tell you something else. I'm bugged that my fingers have gotten so skinny that my rings won't stay on right! What is that about??? And why is this miracle weigh loss not consistent? Why not my hips? Why fingers and faces? Why not my boobs? I've commented this on in a video blog yesterday that has not been posted yet but will be tonight. I've lost hair. I've lost a ring size. I've lost my cheekbones. I've lost leg fat. I've even lost some in my waist and stomach (not enough). WHY NOT THE TWO MOST ANNOYING PLACES A WOMAN CAN BE OVERWEIGHT - boobs and saddlebags?

And what is with that skin? Someone stole mine and left theirs and they are wayyyyyy bigger than me. Well, not way... but some.

Ok, now that I've aired my most humiliating issues, I'm going back to work and put in the final hour and a half. I'm going to comtemplate a face lift, a boob reduction, a tummy tuck. . . . wonder if there is just a newer model I can buy?

Houston! We Have SUN!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is real sun out there! And a ton of snow! Blindingly beautiful so get on your shades, break out the sun block, only if you aren't D deficient!

I'm headed for the shower. Been up since before around 7:30. Go figure. I give up. Already had three conversations before 9. Wow! Last night after 10:30 I had four in about 30 minutes. Life as a popular girl has it's drawbacks.

I'm off to read my next writing critique for the Wednesday night meeting. And work in some personal writing. I need to do some other things too. Deltoid on the left arm is hurting terribly and for some reason, a spot the shoulder on the OPPOSITE side is hurting! WHAT! {sigh} Whatever.

Up and At 'Em

I'm finally awake enough to think about doing something. Oh, I've been up, and awake. But I've done nothing. Sat here cruising around and put up an old theme that I really like. I want to walk in this wood and capture some of those fireflies. Or is it fairies? I will sit them on my nightstand and fall asleep watching them glow. Tomorrow, I'll let them go again.

No plans at the moment. Got to get a shower and get dressed. I had one last night but I feel the need this morning. I'm going to see about food soon. I forgot to eat last night and grabbed a granola bar around ten o'clock. My stomach says that was not nice but I'll grab something substantial soon.

Maybe back later. Not much I want to do today since the sun is, once again, on vacation. He's gone south to melt their snow.

I know.... I need to write!

What's Up?

Me.

I woke at 6:40. I know, nuts. My shoulder was hurting and it woke me. I simply can't lie on my left side. This is the biggest problem I have sleeping. It hurts my shoulder and neck to sleep in my left. I can't lie on my right for long either. For some reason, I can't sleep with my back to the door. I know, I know, I know. Crazy. For all the years of my married life, I've slept facing the door. The few times I didn't I was still lying on my left side. Always.

I've tried to sleep on the other side. I used to here because I had my nightstand on that side of the bed. But again, Jerry was between me and the door.

In addition, my blanket went off again. Yes, I was in bed by six again. Not sleeping but watching stuff, cruising the net, worked a bit on my post that was due days ago when the depression knocked me on my can.

I considered going to the Y this morning. Decided it was a disturbance in the force and promptly put it out of my mind. But I may still do it. What else do people do this early?

I'm off for now. No one is here anyway. Maybe I'll be back later.

Amazing Things

Isn't is amazing:

How the word Friday just seems to brighten everyone's day?

That a coworker can look at a problem you've been battling a week and say, "why didn't you come ask me?" and the problem is solved?

That you feel as if a weight has been lifted when a problem is resolved?

That three amazing things before lunch are amazing?

Do You Know What Day It Is?

I'm just about to head out for work and decided I better do an update. Went to bed at 6:30 last night. Yes, I did. Took the laptop, put it on my bed table and watched Human Target. Then, I think I watched something else. But I don't remember what. LOL. I kept sort of dozing, not really sleeping. More of a daze. I just lay there under my blanket thinking very little. I tried to write a bit but when your brain is that fuzzy... all you get is lint.

I am praying that several problems are resolved today. They have not responded back to me on this since I asked last week. Two landlords are not going to get paid is all I can say.

I was supposed to go to Dave and Becca's for supper last night but Becca IM'd me to say Sarah had been up coughing all night and wasn't really feeling well and could we do it tonight. I don't have a confirmation on that. My plans are now to come home and repeat last night. I really, really need to just stop thinking for a while and do nothing but sleep.

I got up last night just before I turned out the light at 10 to check the thermostat. It read 16 degrees! I was shocked since the house was quite warm. When I tried to adjust it it wouldn't go up beyond 30. I decided the batteries had probably not been changed since before Jerry died. The are supposed to be changed every year. We usually did it when we changed the smoke alarm battery. Hmmm, that may need it too, come to think about it.

Ok. Got to run. I'm up to two SJW a day at the moment. One in the a.m and one in the p.m. I'm not happy about it but I don't think I'm in a very good place. Hair . . . I can buy a wig... or two.

Briefs

I'm home.

I'm tired. The conversion chaos is ongoing.

I'm getting a shower and taking the laptop to bed to write.

I WILL have lights out by 10.

Oh, writer's meeting last night was nice. Three of my group met with two of the Nano'ers. Had a good time talking shop.

Half Over!

Oh joy, joy, joy! This week is half done! I am so glad.

That's pretty sad when you think about it. I sat up too late last night. Got to writing and forgot the time. I MUST start going to bed somewhere between 10 and 10:30. That's seems to be my limit to get enough sleep and get up in the morning less tired.

Tonight is the writer's meeting at Panera Bread. Not sure how many will be there since the weather has been just horribly cold and nasty. I am betting that the semi slushy show from lunch yesterday is not rock solid ice. So, the drive to work should be interesting for my little Focus. I slid nearly off the road yesterday morning twice. That usually doesn't scare me much because I'm usually very careful and if I slid it is not usually too bad but I nearly turned in the road and there were cars to left of me, cars to the right of me... here I was, stuck in the middle... An old song.

I'm on my way out the door. I have virtually nothing to say at this point. I feel tired. I don't feel horrible. That SJW pill seems to be helping a bit... maybe. LOL, how can I know!

Hope you have a warm day filled with blue skies and sunshine. If you live anywhere in Southern Indiana, that probably won't happen.

Long Winter's . . . Yeah, Right

No nap today. I have to go to work and there is about five inches of snow on the ground. And it is still falling so it won't get better. No plows will be this way so I have to put the shovel in the trunk in case I get stuck somewhere between here and the snow routes. I do not relish the drive. I had a hill in two directions after I get out of my yard.

I'm leaving early so I will have plenty of time.

I went to bed before eleven. . . I think. I called and had Dave and Becca come over with the baby and we had pizza and just visited and watched her be her adorable self. When they left I got online and Kat came on. We chatted for an hour or so. So I had another friend with me in the evening. I do not know what I'd have done without them yesterday. I was exhausted. I can't believe how much I slept yesterday. I have on a pink sweater and that is the only pink I'm in at the moment but I'm not as shrouded in black.

Must go now and get my things together. They are providing breakfast at work today with a meeting. That is just so we don't feel so annoyed by the meeting. It is mandatory. I don't mind breakfast meetings but I had the lunch one. My lunch hour is mine and when they make us come to those I feel they should pay me for being there. The lunch isn't usually very good and I don't really eat a large lunch often. Anyway, enough whining. Hope you all have a good day.

Long Day Nearly Over

I don't remember any day being this long for a while. I've slept all afternoon. That is so terribly lazy. Tonight I probably will take something to help me sleep if I can't fall asleep. But since I feel so very tired, I don't know that it will be a problem at this point.

If you saw this morning's post you know the day started in a bad way. It didn't get any better but my dear friend, Sarah, from my writing group saw my post and offered to come over and stay with me for several hours. She is just such a wonderful person. To understand this you have to realize that the time she gave me would mean that she would not get to do her three hour writing session. She takes her little boy to daycare so she can have that time allotted for her to write five days a week. He is four and as you most of you know young children are very demanding. Babysitting me meant she wouldn't get that precious time. Still, she came, smiling, and she stayed until she had to leave to get her son. I do not think the morning would have been very good had Sarah not been here. We just talked, mostly about my problems. But just having her here and not having to sit in this house in this silence was such a blessing.

She's just been such a great friend and I just love her. What a gift God gave me when he gave me this writing group. These five people have become such wonderful friends. I tell them all the time how much they mean to me but it seems a small thing just saying it.

After she left, I covered up and lay on the couch watching stuff on the internet for about two hours and then, closed it up and went to sleep. I just woke up. I think I'm starving. I still feel as if I could sleep forever. I know that is just the depression. I'll be ok once I get it under control. I just took St. John's Wort. I've decided that today, hair is of minor importance. I can't live in this darkness forever.

I've called and asked Dave and Becca to come over with the baby for a bit. I am supposed to go to the Y but I'm in such a mess. I don't want to go where there is a bunch of strangers and try to be nice. I have to go to work tomorrow and I'm hoping I will be fine by then.

I'm going for now. I need to get my shower early. I got dressed for work this morning and I've worn those clothes all day. Changing seemed such a chore. I really kept thinking that I'd get all right and could go to work. That passed every time I thought about it. It was terrifying. That's crazy but nears as I can tell you.

Black Monday

All right. It is probably official. I'm severely depressed. The whole weekend was pretty much a wash. I am sorry if you came hoping for cheerful thoughts, good news, or funny stories. I don't have them. I have reached a place where I realize I'm out of answers, out of energy, out of solutions, out of hope.

I don't know why... could it be my life? In general it's in the well. I feel sick this morning. My neck and shoulder hurt and that makes my head hurt. I feel a bit sick on my stomach. And pretty much everything that happened over the weekend served only to drive me into the ground. Hence, the well.

Sometimes there are people you wish you had never set eyes on, never heard of. They are a constant source of pain in every situation. There are also well meaning people who say things that just say the wrong thing with the best of intentions. Both of these just obliterate whatever mantle of control you've maintained. I can deal with the well meaning. It is the fools I don't tolerate so well, less so now.

I've done a bit of writing but not as much as I should. Amazingly enough it has been the only thing that made me forget everything else. I try to pray at times. You'll think I'm even crazier but prayer is dangerous for me at the moment. I can't control the darker emotion enough to even try that. And I dare not go beyond a certain point. All I can really do is say please God, help me.

I was going to work but I called and ask for a personal day. I get three a year. I'm not in a fit state at the moment to deal with that stress. I'm going back and lie down. At least I'm fully dresses... all in black. I guess today it matches my mental state.

Another Snow Day

Snow fell last night. Everything is dusted in white. It is 30 right now and it dropped one degree since I started this!

I finally got to sleep in! Got up at 9:30 and only had a mild shoulder pain, probably because I in an awkward position at some point. I went to bed about nine and watched television shows.I didn't even get online for a couple of nights except to check email and post a blog. I tuned off the computer around midnight.

Then, after lights were out the darkness descended like lead. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Will it every get better or ever stop doing that? When it happens, I can't breath. I can't stop crying. I can't walk. I got up twice because I couldn't lie there. Stuff of nightmares and you're awake. I don't know when I finally fell asleep, probably near two a.m.

Good news is only knee pain at the moment. My blankets were hurting my knees last night. They aren't heavy either. Although I like lots of cover I don't sleep under as much since I got the electric blanket. I have a sheet, the electric blanket, a woven spread with my new spread on top of it. Gives me enough weight to feel cozy and I can set the blanket on a very low setting. Just last night my knees really didn't like it. Sometimes my feet don't either and I have to put a large pillow under the covers near my feet to support the blankets. I know. sounds weird.

I need to get moving now.I need to clean up a few things. The house isn't really messy. Just me around so not much gets out of place. But I think I need to clean off my dresser and change the sheets on my bed.

So, away I go. Hope you all stay warm.

A Week without Pain

I just realized that I've had virtually a whole week with minimal pain. Maybe that is why I've feeling better. My neck, shoulder and upper arm have given me the most problems. I had a couple of days I didn't feel well... runny nose, headache or just felt really tired. But all the other... virtually none.

Wonder how long that will last? The weather is wet and it is still raining. They say snow tonight but I am hoping not. The fact that two low pressure cells have blown thorough and I have little pain sort of blows a hole in my theory of low pressure contributing to the pain. Seriously, go back and browse the blogs. You'll see, despite the stress of the last three weeks that my complaints of pain seem to have bottomed out. I do think I had a back problem about two weeks ago but I really think that is because I was sitting too much at work. But if you ask me what is hurting right now.... the trapezoid muscle and neck to my jaw and cheek bone... all related. That's it.

I'm going to go get a hot shower. Then food. Then, I have about three shows I want to watch. I promised Kat I'd get online tonight around 8. Hope to do that too. I shall do it all enthroned on my bed.

Feeling the Rush!

Did you feel it? That gale force wind that just went through. Yes, that one! What a busy day! I'm nearly done. It is after four and I'm coming up on five with absolute joy.

I'm going home and clean up the dishes but first I have to stop off at the store and pick up some stuff for the writers' meeting. I was going to meet Doug for a sandwich before the meeting but too much to do! He invited the whole group but I think we all are rushing around to get things together and get to the meeting. His wife calls us Doug's Writer's Harem. LOL! She was a real sport about it. Not many women would be so gracious. Takes class to be that way, and in infinite trust. Lucky Doug. Lucky Sharon that she can trust him so much.

I'm feeling better this afternoon, although tired. But I always feel better when the group comes over. I'm lucky to have such a great group of friends. And for the next three weeks we have meetings! LOL, we may be sick of each other by then.... NOT!

Ok, got to go and get the desk organized before I go home. I can't stand coming in to a messy desk. I think somewhere in the photos you will find a photo of my office and my tidy desk. I can't function in all this piles of paper, files and .... junk!

Sometimes, I feel almost normal. I wish it would last.

The Masses

They will start arriving at 8 a.m. this morning. The good thing is that cold, rain, and snow tends to thin the crowd. One can only hope.

I'm not feeling very good this morning. I have a mild headache and am tired. I must have slept like a rock because I don't remember anything after I turned out the light. I was in bed by midnight. Tonight is write's meeting and once that is over I'm going to try to go to bed even earlier. But guess what? I woke up at 6:30. Before the clock. So early to bed, early to rise. I'm not healthy, wealthy or wise. You think it is too soon?

I really just don't feel very good. Runny nose is still giving me fits and my eyes are burning a lot. Not sure what that is but I think it is allergy related. I think the filter may need changing on the central unit. But it could be the RA or fibro.

Ok, work is calling. Got to get going. May not be back until tomorrow.

End of the Work Day

It is winding down. I feel as if I've accomplished nothing. And yet, I've worked solid since I got here. I'm tired and ready to go home. I came in late because of the doctors' appointments. They are probably going to send me back to the orthopedic doctor about my shoulder. They think the pain I have in my arm now is related to the rotator cuff. {sigh} Am I really that old? EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART! Jerry used to say about some of our cars, "It is time to take the radiator cap off and drive a new car under it." I don't think that will happen here. Screw off my head and put a new body... I'm good with that but I'd like some work on the face.

Today I'm depressed. It is dark and gloomy and I'm not looking forward to going home alone. I'll spend my evening writing I think. Unless I spend it chatting or watching something on HULU. Read? I am not really able to do that now. I will be so glad when it gets warm and sunny. I saw pictures today of a sunlit wood and so wanted to take a walk. The nature preserve near my house is a lovely place to go but it would be a veritable bog and cold today.

I'm looking forward to my cruise, so much so I am wishing it was April.

Writer's Meeting is tomorrow night and I'll enjoy the company of my zany group. They are such fun to be around. What lifesavers they have been this last year. Without them and all of you I do not think I'd have survived this ordeal. Certainly not with any sanity intact.

Tuesday in Drab Rags

I do not believe it is another day swaddled in clouds. I'm heartily sick of them. Went back to work yesterday after my four day weekend. Not fun. I was dreading it and I found it just as tedious as I expected. Amazing how that happens.

I have a doctor's appointment this morning at the Rheumatologist at 8:40, and then I have physical therapy at 9:45. I hope the fist gets me in and out in a hurry. Last time I had to sit there for over an hour. This morning, I can't do that. And won't. Waste of my time if they can't get it together. Since they moved her office it is just not efficient.

My aunt and uncle left going home as I went to work yesterday. I missed them before they were out of sight. It is very hard every time they leave, anyone leaves. I do not know that I will ever get rid of this sense of emptiness and aimlessness.

They kept me occupied. Sarah kept us all occupied for a couple of days. She had a tea party on Saturday night with Poppy. I checked email several times over the course of the weekend and I had so many phone calls and emails and people coming on to chat with me I did not have much time to really think. That was a good thing. It felt as if I has all these friends stopping by all weekend. Sunday was so cold and there was so much ice everywhere that we didn't leave the house until noon to find food.

Now I have this hollow place in my chest. I do not think I will ever be able to close it. I could put both fists in it. It never goes away, never shrinks, never fades. It just exist.

Someone asked me a few days ago how I feel now. Odd that structure. Right now I'm depressed and want to crawl back into bed. I'm that way most mornings. I can't. No choices. Compounds the depression. Survival instincts are very hard to snuff out. In this case it would be homelessness and that is probably worse in some ways that death. I can't make it if I don't go to work. I've been very stressed there and it isn't helping. If I'd had any sense I'd have arranged a vacation but they'd have canceled it because of this software thing.

I am a rudderless ship, a kite whose tail isn't long enough, a feather in the wind. My aunt said I'm not getting enough sleep. Going to bed is also something of a chore. I lie there and think unless I'm so exhausted I fall asleep immediately. I'm taking my meds and probably should be in bed by ten. But I'd only be up earlier. This morning, I woke around 6:30 despite having gone to bed at midnight. I'm still not rested even though I am certain I slept hard. I don't think I turned over. I was still on my right side when I woke up. Probably not a restful sleep.

I didn't go to the Y. I have a cold and my nose was running and I've been sneezing. I finally got it under control but I still didn't feel up to snuff. I got on about 8 and wrote with Kat for a few hours. That is always good to keep my mind occupied and this was a bit different. We are working on a joint post. Very hard actually. We've laughed over how hard. If you are writing in first person in separate posts, you both can't do that in a joint post. One of you has to write third person. Kat decided she'd have to do it since I'd already started the post. I told her next time she could do the lead on it and I'd do third. But amazing how difficult it was for me to write my part of the scene and leave her to fill in the blanks without really knowing where it was going. And difficult for her too! Blind leading the blind kind of thing. You'll have to read it once we get it up. LOL, but it is going to be another day at least. We got the rough draft down but we are both certain it needs a review after we've slept on it. So, tonight we go over it again.

I"m off now to go to the doctor's early. Sorry I've been away so long. Just too much going on and honestly, I've been battling the depression and didn't know what to say that would be worth anything. Thank you to all my friend and anyone who popped in that wasn't on my list of contacts. Your notes and comments have been a comfort.

Snow Day!

Another Saturday. And at 7 a.m. my sister who lives here called to ask me if I knew the snow was over the tops of her boots. I was so annoyed. I never get to sleep in! People do this all the time. I'm going to turn off my phone next to my bed. I never get to sleep in for any reason no matter what day it is. I leave the phone on by the bed for emergencies but it isn't ever an emergency.

We can't get out so glad I went an stocked up on some things. I'm going now to make chili and eat. I'll pop in later. We've now taken some photos and will post them after while.

The End of the Day

The day is winding down and I'm stopping in to say thank you to everyone for all the notes, emails, the comments, and blogs on my behalf. Thank you for the prayers. I've checked in a few times and each time was greeted by a special contact.

I've had family with me all day. My sister, my aunt & uncle and my granddaughter. I took flowers to the cemetery but it was bitter cold and the day was gray. We didn't linger. I still can't stand the sight of Jerry's name carved into that stone even now. I carried yellow silk roses. Yellow is for remembrance. I remembered that when I was looking for something to take.

It is snowing now, a steady fall of small flakes. It looks soft and lite.

Sarah was here most of the afternoon and entertained all of us to the point of exhaustion. She went home after it started to snow. We now have several inches and it is 19 degrees!

Now, to bed. Thank you all for being with me today!

Home at Last!

I'm home! My aunt and uncle will be here any minute. My boss did not request I come in tomorrow. I went to him and asked that he please not make me to come in tomorrow. He smiled and said "I'm not going to make you!" I was so relieved. The day has gone pretty roughly for all of us. One error after another that is software related and these people are never available for training!

Anyway, I'm off tomorrow. I did say if there was a disaster that simply couldn't be resolved without me he knew how to reach me. I know, I know! But I in fairness, he has been so good to me this past year. Many times when things got bad he sent me home and didn't dock my pay. I can't complain about it. I do think people don't understand what tomorrow is for me. People are just that way. My friend Carolyn seemed to be the only one who really got it. And a few of the other women I work with who recognized how stressed I've been this week.

Anyway, I'm going to be scarce. I'll have my granddaughter all day if I want her. I'm excited about that. She's just such a joy and lifts my spirits when she is around. So that will help.

I'm going off for now. Just want my feet up. I think they just pulled up.

Thank you all for you prayers. Keep me in them this weekend. Seems so silly to be this stressed over a day. But I can't help it.

Wrong Day

I may have to work tomorrow! I reminded my boss I was off and he said he didn't know if he could let me off. There is nothing I can do for this stupid conversion. Everything is behind. Nothing works right. And I do not want to be here. I'm already feeling down and I just want that day away from this place. I had planned to go to the cemetery and take flowers. It will be dark when I get off.

I worked 4 hours three weeks ago and this was to be my day to compensate me. I'm so frustrated I can't even think. Story of my life.

My Friday

Today is My Friday... It's Thursday and when I get off at 5 today I don't have to go back until Monday. And I'm not feeling well this morning.

I didn't go to the Y last night but stayed home. I watched a couple of shows, one on my living room sofa! Did some surfing at the desk but found my back simply would not stand that. Finally, I went to bed and chatted online with Kat a bit. Then, when I turned out the light, I listened to more of the Graveyard Book. It was a particularly long chapter as it turns out, over an hour! I found myself dozing off with about 15-20 minutes left and not wanting to miss any of it or knock my laptop out of bed, I tuned everything off, put all away and tuned out the light. I lay flat and was asleep almost immediately.

This morning, my back feels a bit better. I'm certain the pain is a result of sitting at my desk so much this week. I'm usually like a jack in the box but not this week. I've not had time for anything but data review and that requires sitting, leaned over your desk and looking from the computer to the paper. Horrendous for your entire back. Since I have back problems at times anyway, it is no wonder I'm having pain.

Today, I'll try to get up more but it isn't promising. Now, must run. I've got to get breakfast along the way. I'm still tired. My aunt and uncle should be here this evening sometime. Pray for good traveling weather for them. It is a long trip and this time of year is not predictable.

Oh My Aching.....

Just got in from work and am relaxing on my sofa in the living room. So nice to be unfettered by the desk. It is a bit chilly in here but I have a snuggly if it gets too cool.

I am supposed to go to the Y tonight but my lower back is really killing me. I think it is because I have spent the last several days tied to my desk at work and not getting up and down as much. I've had this kind of flare up before when we had intensive data entry. It is not good for me.Sciatica flares up if I'm not careful. My leg is already feeling a bit of burn down one side.

I'm so tired I really just want to get a hot shower and relax. Of course the pool is warm but not a whole lot. So, still not sure what I'm going to do.

I'm going now and decided what I will do. Maybe if I just lie down for a bit it will stop hurting. Don't know if I'll be back this evening. Depends on how many aches I have by the time I'm done. LOL.

Hump Day Blues

If the early bird gets the worm what does the late bird get? TO SLEEP IN! And I'm just fine with that. That's why they made McDonald's, so you wouldn't have to grubbing for worms.

Yes folks, it is Wednesday. We're half way TO the weekend or we're half way from the weekend. Whatever you choose. It is freezing wherever you are.

I'm on my way out. Supposed to to go the Y tonight but I truly and honestly need to go to bed early. I watched a couple of shows last night from my bed. LOL, and I listened to another chapter of The Graveyard Book. This is a really good book. I'd say adolescence's book but still listening to the author, Neil Gaiman read it, is just wonderful. Lovely British accent and he does the voices really well. If you haven't read this or heard it, you should visit. I listen to a chapter here and there. Listening to two chapters is why I'm tired. I could get the book from the library and read it but as I said, his voice is just made for reading aloud. I suspect he is a very funny man. Here is the link. The Graveyard Book

Simon is quiet, by the way. I've been getting small flashes of stuff but I really need to get on and brainstorm with Kat. It helps tremendously. I think the back story is complete and now I need to move forward.

So, off to work now. I have physical therapy this afternoon. I don't like the person I got on Monday and I will probably have her all week. Next week I shall schedule early again. Just easier that way.

From My Bed to Your Head

Yipee! Dave got the router going and guess what? I'm writing this from my bed! Yes, I am.

Now, I have a back ache. LOL! I"ll be looking for ways to arrange my pillows for maximal comfort. But, I was able to also watch Castle online ... sitting in bed. Ah, I'm content now. I can leave the study once in awhile.

I probably won't sit up so late now either because I can relax and watch movies if I want instead of sitting in a desk chair.

Ok, enough about my laziness.

I'm tired tonight and have to go to bed soon. Actually, I'm feeling better today. But then, we had sun today. When I got to work, I parked facing the sun... well, I do every day but you can't usually see it! Anyway, I sat there with my eyes closed and let it soak into my face for a few minutes. It was so lovely. I am praying for sunshine through Monday. You might toss in your prayers with me.

I'm going now. I should consider turning out the light.

Snow Dust

If Monday dawned darkly, Tuesday has dawned white. I awoke to a layer of snow on the ground and it is bitter cold, 26 degrees. The mercury dropped like lead yesterday and has pushed farther today. It is a biting cold that pinches your extremities.

Went to the Y last night and am a bit sore in some places but not as sore as I usually am from the other things! I was exhausted last night but still got to bed late. I am not so depressed this minutes and if we could get some sun it might help. I do not have much hope there.

Back to work today to try to learn to use this software. We are getting so backed up and it is so overwhelming. I have all these people coming at me for software questions and I can't answer them. LOL, kind of nice to say you'll have to do what I am doing... learn it as you go. They won't. There are about three of us that will be experts in a year but the rest will rely on those three.

I've asked the kids to come over tonight for pizza so I can see Sarah and so Dave can help me connect my router. I really want to be able to sit in bed and surf the internet or sit in the living room. I love my study but I am staying in this room every minute when I am here either watching television or writing or web surfing. If I can vary that a bit it would be nice.

I have not been able to write the last few nights other than getting the back story down for Simon. That fictional fellow has become much quieter since I began to fill in the background. But I want to go back to the story itself. Kat was asking me last night but I seem to be at a . . . well, call it a pause. I had to clarify somethings in my head.

Anyway, headed for work today. Must leave a bit earlier because of the roads. These folks do NOT know how to drive in this and they tend to be reckless. Snow plows? LOL, the city may have two of them. I've never seen them down here and the few times I've seen any on the road they weren't plowing. It isn't that deep, I don't think. The grass, dead though it is, is visible. But I suspect it isn't going anywhere as long at it is this cold. High is expected to be near 30 today.... brrrrrrr!

Toodle Loo!

Into the Dark

Monday dawns darkly. Very phonetic and so true it hurts your eyes. I can't see a way out of this. I've had brief snatches of diversion over the weekend, thank you Doug and Sharon for Sunday afternoon. You've no idea how very much it helped. And Mike for Saturday. And Sarah got in touch with me last night to check on me. Kat chatted with me a bit, too. All people who have given me so much support. All I can do for them is pray God's blessings on them. My thanks is inadequate but sincere.

But at this point it feels very much like a free-fall. Praying doesn't actually help much. Probably not God's fault.

All very a pretty way to I'm in a pit from which I can't get out. I try and think positive. It will pass. It will get better. All those things that Job's comforters said. I don't actually believe it. I feel absolutely sick right down into my soul. And I'm just tired, not so much physically tired but the kind of tired that caves in on you and pushes you into the floor. I don't know how to explain it. Atlas beneath the world. Bigfoot on your back. Mountains falling on you.

But I have to go out into the dark.

So, I'm dressed for work and the clicking of my keyboard are the only sounds in the house. Darkness swallows up everything else.

Five Blinking O'Clock!?

What is THAT about? I woke up. I do not know what woke me. But I woke up. I'm sitting here at seven a.m. getting the directions to Doug's house before I start to get ready for church. I've been working on the back story for Simon since probably 5:30 or 6! My neck doesn't like any of this.

I did try and go back to sleep but it just didn't work. I went to bed probably around 11:30. Can't really remember. I know that at 10:33 p.m. I copied a file to my laptop. I had taken it to bed with me to try and work on these notes but got so sleepy I finally had to stop. And that was probably around 11:30. I'm pretty sure I went to sleep very quickly. I don't have trouble normally falling asleep once I lie down. Just sleeping well and staying that way.

Anyway, I'm going to go in a short while and get my dress on and get this mop of hair up.

Really this is just beyond me. Do you have any idea how very tired I'll be by 6 p.m.?

Mike and I went to lunch yesterday around 12:30 and then to Wal-mart. I had not done any really heavy work that morning. I had simply paid bills and read a bit. During our shopping trip I suddenly felt terrible. I was so tired all of the sudden and I was dizzy. I have no idea why. It came on slowly... I think the dizziness first. I finally had to tell Mike that I had to go home. I just felt so exhausted and unwell. We got the stuff in and sat around for about an hour and watched HULU and then, I took him home and came home myself and got a hot shower. I didn't do anything but read and watch television. Kat came on line at some point, back from her trip. We chatted a bit and then I went to bed.

Still don't know what came over me. It wasn't pleasant but I know if I had been able to lie down I would have gone straight to sleep. I do not know if it may have been something related to the fibromyalgia or something else entirely.

Ok,enough of this. I have to get back to my writing. Hope you all have a good Sunday. They aren't usually very good for me.

Come Fly With Me!

I booked my flight this morning for Florida in April. I am so excited! I will visit my sister Stuck in the Middle for a couple of days. She will get me to Mobile to board for the cruise. I'll be cruising the Gulf of Mexico to Cozumel and the Yucatan for 5 days and then back to Mobile where Stuck will again pick me up and we'll have a couple more days. Then, I'll fly back here. So, two vacations. My sister and I have a good time when we get to be together. I've told her next cruise will be a three sisters cruise.

I got a flight booked right out of my city so I won't have to drive the 2 hours to Louisville. Originally planned it that way but when I saw the price from Louisville it wasn't that much cheaper and a whole lot less convenient. Joy joy for that bit!

Dad called this week to say he had booked us a tour to the Chichen Itza... I believe that is probably right. He actually said he booked a tour for something that sounded like Chickens. LOL, and I guess it does. I studied Latin American Studies for two semesters and Spanish for two years where you also study the history and culture of this area. So I am quite familiar with the geographical area and history. I'm looking forward to having one dream come true. I wanted to go to this area when I was studying it and had hoped take a trip there someday. So you know I'm more than excited!

I've sat here this morning paying bills and arranging flight plans and now I want to get out and find food. I'm probably going to get Mike. He said, "Mom, I'd like to spend time with you today." Which translates, "can we do lunch on your dime?" LOL, I don't mind. He's good company sometimes and when I need him he's there.

I'm going to my friend, Doug's, on Sunday for lunch and to meet his wife and family. I'm looking forward to that. But I've got to get some notes together. I want to also talk to him about Simon. Doug is really good as a sounding board and has given me some good ideas to work with in the past. We love to talk writing.

So, now I'm doing another type of flying. I've got to dress and clean up a bit and then, hit the road. Back later to do some writing. Kat is traveling today to take her daughter back to college so probably won't be talking to her for maybe a day or so. She has a 10 hour drive round trip and she's going to be exhausted. We batted around some ideas last night and I related a bit about Simon's past that "he just told me". LOL, but it was helpful.

Gone for now!

Where's My Worm?

Went to bed around 10:30 but couldn't sleep. Got up made a video that may or may not see daylight. Talked about Simon! Talked about work! Both probably NOT what anyone is interested in. At least Simon is fun.

I'm on my way to PT again. Last one this week. This getting up early IS for the birds! I hate it. Bad enough I have to get up and go to work but to add something to that time is just terrible. I'm tired enough when I get home. I will be taking PT next week in my lunch time or break time if I can. Night is my only time to really sit down and relax. Sometimes it is good; sometimes it is bad. But when I am this tired, it is horrible.

Now, I'm off to find the worm. Nasty old thing. Probably in my office hiding in a computer somewhere!

All Over the World

I was looking at the Accuweather map on my Google home page and the whole country is again covered in clouds. So is Great Britain, Russia and China! South America also has a lot of cloud cover. I don't believe that the whole world is wreathed in heavy cloud cover. What a winter.

But it is warmer...

I stared this blog early this morning and it is still cloudy all over. Rain here all day yesterday, last night, today and tonight.

I'm having a bit of a melt down this evening. Started as I came by the cemetery. Doesn't help that I am simply wiped out. Exhaustion always brings that to the surface. Next week it D-day. My aunt and uncle are coming if the weather permits. If not, Sarah and Kathy from the writer's group say they are my back up plan. I will certainly take them up on it. I'm already feeling the dread.

I met with the Writer's group last night and that was fun but I could see we were all dead on our feet. We laughed and had a good time as we always do but there were these moments when everyone seemed to get quiet. I watch faces and I could see it on each of them. I could feel it on mine. They are such a good group of friends. I'm glad I have them.

Doug arrived early because he works here in town not far from where I live but lives in a neighboring town. So, after he gets off work he either has to stay at work until time for the meeting or find a place to go. He decided to come by early. A couple of the girls have done that once in a while. And I certainly don't mind. Anyway, I answered the door thinking it is one of the kids. I am fully dressed but my hair is in a towel. I screamed and he laughed at me and ask if he should leave and come back later. Of course, I didn't make him do that. And I laughed... while turning beet red. And why! You all know I have no shame about my appearance... I posted those hideous videos of me in curlers and me sick. LOL! Somehow it is a bit different when someone knocks on the door and sees you with a towel wrapped around your head.

So, note to self.... don't wash hair until after the meeting! LOL. The nice thing was that we got to sit and talk about Simon and the story. I got feedback on it. Doug is very good at that sort of thing. And I don't suppose it terrified him too terribly to see me at nearly my worst. Don't know if I mentioned it but he and his wife had invited me to dinner on Sunday. I shall get to meet the mysterious Mrs. Doug and the clan of four.

I'm off now. I'm absolutely exhausted. I noticed just now that the clouds are clearing a bit over the US. Maybe we can have some sunshine for the weekend!

Wednesday's Child

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring.... as all civilized people should be. I'm on my way out to work and it is pouring rain. Finally, a night without a fictional character demanding I listen to what he has to say! After I wrote the last scene it seems he's gone all silent. Probably cleaning up that kitchen..... LOL

I have a new scene started already but will wait for Kat's input. We sort of his a wall... planning next stage. We've got to get to a showdown for these characters if we're to proceed.

Both of us have writer's meetings tonight so I will have a bit of time to think about something other than Simon's demands. I'm guessing the kitchen will keep him busy until Thursday night. By then, we both hope to have woven some sort of coherent thread.

I'm off to work now. Move briefing is my presentation this morning. I AM going to put this on a cd. I figured out a final step in that process a couple of weeks ago and I think I'll work on it again. None of us likes giving the presentation... well, I don't mind but I need a break once in awhile.

Hope you all have a good wet Wednesday. Wherever you are!

Who Is Simon?

Got lots of input on this question today. Cass sent me the name of a person, Kim Philby - big spy guy. As I was listening to a video with Charlie Rose about this guy, I looked over at the side. Went {GASP} I didn't recognize his name, but I knew his face! That was Simon! So, if you want a face to put on Simon, this is as close as it gets. Although Simon's hair is darker and he has sapphire blue, wonderful blue eyes.

Who Simon Resembles

After I researched a bit I realized I have seen him in one movie. Die Another Day... but another Brit in that movie had my eye. Who knew....

So, I'm Working, Right?

You betcha!

And Simon is sitting behind me chatting away. And incidentally, Cass, I think you are right... British. How'd that happen? And who's going to tell me what colloquialism I need to be using. Jilly? Cass? Wendy?

He's well educated... but his accent is only slight...in his job he has to lose it at times. Maybe why I didn't notice it before.

But he's sitting behind me, telling me his story. I'm going crazy cause I really want to leave work and go somewhere and talk to him. He's very interesting. More interesting than this software crap. I just wish he'd stop until I get home so I can be sure I get it all down on paper. I mean, I may forget some of it! And I do NOT want to listen to it again! The man is quite full of himself.

I've got several complements on the story and I think it is just going right to his head. Haven't talked to Kat about her character. A few weeks ago he was talking her head off, too. Note to self.... ask Kat how she got that under control.

Ok, back to the real job. This is how the chat logs Kat and I have been doing go. Wasn't that fun?

Simon... take a hike for about four hours. Then, we'll talk.

So, I'm Sleeping, Right?

I went to bed around midnight. No big deal, really. You know it isn't uncommon for me if you've read, say a dozen of the blogs. I went to church both yesterday morning and last night with a writing spree between. Riete termed it that and it is a very apt term. I've been on a writing spree for weeks now, thanks to . . . well, at first it was Kat. Now, I'm not sure.

For several days, Simon has been in my head.... usually AFTER I go to bed. For the last, oh, two or three nights, as I doze off to sleep he's over here somewhere nattering away. Simon tells me all this stuff. Next morning, I have to jot it down and talk to Kat.

So, last night, I'm sleeping, right? Actually, I lay down and was thinking about the last discussion Kat and I had and I closed my eyes and could feel myself dozing off and Simon said, "You have to write this down. You'll forget it."

I said, "It's one a.m., Simon. I'm in bed. I'm just about to sleep."

He said, "You don't have to work in the morning. You'll be fine."

I lay there a minute, thinking. I CAN remember this.

"No, you won't."

I sat up and tossed back my warm electric blanket. "This is crazy!"

"Take you less than five minutes."

I plod across the hall and turn the computer back on. I wait for Windows to check a thousand switches. Finally, I am able to type an email to Kat hoping that Steph gets it before she writes her next post. The next bit is her's and the information I have is crucial because it is part of what happens.

"There you go. No big deal."

"What if Steph doesn't get it?"

"You'll figure it out."

I consider leaving the computer on. . . just in case. Decided the glow will keep me away and that it isn't going to happen and turn it off. I plod back across the hall, Simon tagging along.

"I'll help you."

"Oh, that's not gonna happen," I said. "I'm going to bed."

He laughs. "Sweet dreams."

Simon is dark. He's the guy everyone loves to hate. I actually like him. . . a lot. I understand him. When you've walked in dark places, the way Simon has, it changes you forever. Not necessarily in a good way but not in all bad ways either.

Sharing a story with someone is very hard. Kat's character - Serge - is a strong character. I termed them the white knight and the dark knight. Seems to fit. Neither is perfect. That's hard, too. Kat can weigh in on her perspective of all this if she likes. We've discussed it, ad nauseam.

But it is hard when you share a story, when you both have to put a part of it in. You have to compromise, give way to the other writer at times, even if you think you're version is better. We sit for hours, unaware of the time a lot, and play a sort of what if game. Serge says/Simon says. We examine and a refine and decide what works for both of us... not for Simon and Serge. If they had their way, they'd both be supermen.

Demanding characters, I've discovered, don't like to give way. Characters have no moral compass so they can get pretty nasty about being relegated to minor or what they consider inferior roles. At least, Simon does. As I said, he's dark and his desire it to hurt those who've hurt him. So, I think it is up to Kat and I to keep the peace, to sort it out and put it all together in a way that makes a good story. As I said, it is hard. I suspect she'll say the same.

Ok, Simon is telling me that I have to get off the blog and listen to him. Actually, there are dishes to wash, a bed to make, and I have to pay bills.

"Hey! Where are you going?" I called to his retreating back.

"I have some things to take care of. Lilac wants to talk to me. Back around bedtime." he calls over his shoulder with a wave.

Sheesh! Do you believe that?

A Sunday.... with Nuts

I'm up and at 'em. Mike called me the moment my clock went off. It was hard to get up but I can't say I'm having a lot of pain at the moment. In fact, pain has not been a major issue except in my arm in the last week. At least, I don't think so. I've been too busy to notice much. And this arm is amazingly better. The miracles of modern medicine!

I did notice that going to the water exercise class helps. I'm not as achy the next day. But the last two weeks were so hectic I don't remember much about them! I may have to read my blog to find out what went on!

Yesterday was spent sitting in a chair and writing. I got up at 10:30 and started and broke only a few times to eat, pick up Mike so he could do laundry, and then take him home. I watched a few television shows and then went back to it.

Speaking of Mike, I may have mentioned at some point that Mike is totally deaf in one ear and doesn't hear well out of the other ear. There is no fix for the deaf ear- nerve deafness. His other ear on a good day is not good and right now he has fluid behind it. The television has to be at a deafening level for him to hear it. most days anyway. So, before he came over I went to CVS pharmacy and bought this $15 Bell & Howell amplifier for him to use. Have you ever given someone a gift of hearing? There is no way to describe their face. He walked to the end of the hall and said, "Wow, Mom! I can hear you down here without you yelling." He sat and watch television at a normal level and I was not a nervous wreck when he left. The batteries are only good for 14 hours of listening so I don't know how much he will use it. He watches t.v. all the time. But I'm probably going to have to get him to an audiologist to do something.

My aunt had called and suggested Jerry's hearing aids and I had forgotten them. Before he died he had one replaced and they were going to replace the other. So I dug them out. The one Mike needs is the broken one but it would have fit perfectly. I can't afford to get aids like that one. Those are $6000 hearing aids the VA provided for him. Even one would be prohibitive. If he lost it I'd probably freak out. So, we have to find another way.

I looked around the house and realized I haven't put laundry away... in over a week. I told you, I was working. Last Sunday was the only day I didn't work and I felt miserable that day. And the rest of the week, well last Monday set the tone as my wedding anniversary rolled in. So, I have to get this mess sorted before Tuesday!

Writer's Meeting is Wednesday night. Doug is supposed to have something ready but I don't know if he will. His schedule seems to have been keeping him overloaded, too. Unless you are someone like John Grisham ... you don't get much writing time.

I'm off to Sunday School. I had hoped I could take Sarah this morning but as per usual, no answer. My day might have been a brighter day.

My depression always lifts with intense writing so I'm not so black today. I'm sure everyone will appreciate that! But I miss taking Sarah to church so much and it always brings sad memories of Jerry weeping over not being able to take her to church. And those things simply can't be borne.

I shall be around this afternoon on the computer so I may pop in. But email always notifies me and so do my messengers. I must not want to lose touch... I have gmail chat, yahoo chat, Windows live chat, and I could turn on the Multiply chat. I turned it off because it kept popping up when people logged in. If it just stayed until someone wanted to talk it would be fine. May try it again to see if it has been improved.

Have a good morning or afternoon, depending on your geography!

Political Commentary from the Right!

Ok, I absolutely love Ray Stevens. Always have. My husband and I had recordings of his songs. We would laugh for hours at his stories set to music. There is one in particular that makes fun of Pentecostals... we laughed at that one too.. we're Pentecostal.

This just came across my email. I laughed and laughed, particularly the Pelosi part. But it is a conservative political statement. Having seen parts of the glorious medical plan and the corrupt methods being used to pass it, it is one I share. Unfortunately, anything you have use bribery to get, can't be good or legal.

So, if you are easily offended at political commentary, DON'T LOOK ETHEL! The one that follows his should please both sides. But there are some curse words in it so it will probably offend we religious types!


See, I've covered everyone!

Friday Nite Light!

I have reached the end. Yes. The very end of a hellacious week. I am exhausted. It isn't over... I'm off on Monday but Tuesday is when the system goes up live and we have to have all our data verified. Like Rome, it isn't going to happen. I suggested to my boss he request they close the department for a week at least to give us the time to fix any problems. He did ask, bless him. We get one day. Idiots.

I sat up until midnight last night having the most fun I've had in a while. I was not sleepy at all because I got soooo pumped by the story we were playing with that I felt high! Seriously! I was writing with my friend and her daughter and we just all got carried away. I was probably feeling the best I've felt in over a year. When I realized what time it as I was astounded and so were they. Even after I went to bed my mind was spinning with ideas.

I have a couple of shows that are up on Hulu and I am going to shower and fix myself a "samwich" (That is for my new friend, Samadri). Maybe have some chips and Coke. I have goodies hidden in a secret place...M & M's. LOL... I'm good for the night.

And I suspect I'll be doing some writing.

Please welcome my new contact, Samadri! I think I'm going to like her.

Thursday with Friday in Sight

I've been scarce this week. The emotional roller coaster has just been too much to cope with and I have done nothing but fictional writing of no great import because that takes me someplace else. I don't want to be here.

As you probably know, Monday was a nightmare.I went home that night and sat in my living room in the dark. I couldn't bear to see the photographs. Once I was able to pull myself up, I went to the Y with my friend Carolyn. It was helpful physically but one always returns to reality. My nightmare simply waited for me. I just had a terrible night. Tuesday I was back at work but not much better and exhausted. I tried to stay out of everyone's way. I had the counselor appointment that evening at 4. I had also arranged to pick up Sarah for the evening.

It was a very stressful meeting after the usual chatting was out of the way. He asked me if I felt relief that I don't have to take care of Jerry anymore. I was horrified! I couldn't believe anyone would even consider that idea. If he'd been bedridden or required special care I might have understood it but I didn't even know he was as sick as he was. I wish I had. I would have done more to take care of him! I told him that was not even something I could consider. I was not relieved of anything. I didn't feel the need to be relieved because Jerry had been so careful to keep it from me. I should have been MORE concerned than I appear to have been. He wasn't well and he was not behaving rationally at the time. He had to have been terrified and feeling so very alone. Relief for me? From what? The only relief I could possible feel is if Jerry were home.

On the way home I conversed with God in the car. I told him I just need to finish this novel... and that I just needed ONE runaway best seller. LOL, it wasn't really funny. I wasn't trying to be funny. I was serious. Now, I must actually make the effort to work hard on it. I'd quite my job move back home.

After the meeting I picked up Sarah and we spent the evening together. I desperately needed to see her. I just wanted to be close to her. She is all that is left. She enjoys time at MawMaw's. Once the phone rang and she is so used to her mother calling. She said, while it was ringing, "I don't want to go home, Mawmaw! I want to stay here." And her parents stopped by to get something for a moment and she told her mother she didn't want to go home. We laughed and told her she didn't have to go home. They picked her up at 9 and by then, she had dozed off on my lap so was ready to go home with no argument.

I tried to stay busy. I chatted on gmail with my friend Kat for a while I think. I don't remember. She chats with me nearly every night and it has helped so much to keep me from thinking about stressful things. We spend most of the time laughing about our stories, discussing what we are working on with our writing, we bat around ideas. She's sent me bits of what she is working on now and it is a good story. And she's listened to my whines, aches, pains and heartaches. All of it helps a lot to keep me focused. I'm somewhere else for those hours. I owe you so much, Kat. I hope I've not kept you from more important things.

But then, on Tuesday anyway, bedtime rolled around and everything just collapsed around me. I simply ran out of whatever strength I'd been using to get to Tuesday night. It was all gone. I felt as if I'd been thrown back 11 months. We won't go into the lying in the dark drowning in my own tears, unable to breath.

Wednesday, was another crazy day at work. We can't work in the new system yet and we can't use the old one. I can't process anything much. I went to the water class after work and then Carolyn and I swam a little afterward. My arm is limiting my ability to swim. I can swim on my back but I have to limit the range of my strokes. When I went home Kat and I chatted a bit and I went to bed. I was exhausted so I vaguely remember the Spanish language cd beginning and not much else.

And here is it Thursday. I had physical therapy this morning at 7:30. Ultrasound treatment on the deltoid and they put some sort of medicated patch on there afterward. It has a battery in it??!! I am to leave it on for 14 hours. She said if it started to itch or burn a little to take it off immediately. She told me another woman didn't and had a blister there. So of course a few minutes after she put it on me it began to itch terribly. I ignored it and it has subsided. But I wonder if I shall have bionic abilities in that arm? Ouch, no, I don't.

I have to say the ultra sound was astounding. I had immediate reduction in one part of my arm. It didn't last but it was nice.

Friday is right there. But I dread having to come to work. I go through these periods where I'm depressed and want to hide out. I need a recharge and if my life were not so complicated, just being alone for a day would help. But it is too complicated, to filled with dark and biting things and stumbling blocks.

My dream would be to find a small cabin somewhere in the woods and write my days away, spend time with my Sarah, and spend time with the friends I've found this year. Life is far to complicated now. It takes so much effort to get up and get through a day in the asylum. I'm tired of it.

The counselor suggested I look for another job. Honestly, there is so much economic benefit from this one, I'm terrified to do that. I could get something much worse without all the perks of this one. And again, my life is too complicated to even know where to begin.

I will leave you here, with Friday in sight. I do now know if I will be back on tonight or later in the week. At the moment, it is so difficult to even know what to say. I want to sleep and wake up somewhere else. Some place warm and happy.

I must say a special thank to samadri. She has not been a contact of mine but is of some of you. For the last year I've received four books about journeying through grief. I mentioned them early on and Riete has also quoted them. She remained anonymous while sending them and only today revealed she was the one who had sent them. I am glad she did it that way and I'm glad I know who was responsible. These have been some of the best material I've been given. And believe me, people give you books on grief. But these were hands down the best and they were short and easy to read. I can't thank you enough, samadri.

I shall be going home in half an hour and I want to just lie down and sleep. I'm so tired. And I do not feel that things are better. I get disgusted with people who smile and say, "You're better." They make me angry. I'm not better. I will never be better. I'm in control. In fact, I am exerting so much self control that I can smile back at you rather than slap your silly face. Life has become something divided up into one hour slots. If I manage to have one or more when I do not feel savaged by some beast, I shall feel very fortunate.

Through the Rabbit Hole

The start of a new week. Our wedding anniversary. It was a Friday when we got married. Marsh land here. Keep walking.

I'm on my way out to the orthopedic doctor's office for them to look at my arm... which has hurt less in the last week. Typical. I have the Y to night. Pool workout unless said doctor say not.

I don't feel well this morning but not sure why. Stomach's a bit rocky. And I'm depressed. Nothing for it. Just close my eyes... don't look.

So, here I go... just like Alice.

Celebrations

Tomorrow is our 36th anniversary, or would have been. It will be the first one I've ever had without hope of ever being able to hug my husband and wish him happy anniversary.

I don't have to buy a card.

No dinner out. We always celebrated special occasions after church on the Sunday nearest his or my birthday or our anniversary by going to his favorite restaurant.

Frozen Stiff

What a morning. It was 7 degrees when I got up.It is now noon and only 14 degrees! It took four hours for the temp to double.

No, I did not go to church. I'm sorry. I wanted to but that is so cold and I simply could not get warm this morning. I finally broke down and jacked the thermostat up above 71! I usually keep it 69 and that, on most days is comfortable. But for the last two weeks or so the cold has been so bad that it simply won't stay warm in here. And when I get cold, things begin to hurt.

I have discovered that the pain is probably worse because the muscles become very rigid with the cold. You all know what that means, Remember standing at the bus stop as a kid, or walking to school when it was cold out and you just felt all stiff. That was the muscles reacting. Lately, that is what happens to me. That's what the term "frozen stiff" means.

When my muscles get like that the pain isn't what I remember from childhood. It is worse. I'm sitting here in a sweat suit, with wool socks on, the heat is going at 72 degrees and I'm chilly. And 72 is not cool by any standards. My hands hurt a bit but my neck, upper back, calves are all stiff and feel cold. Impossible. All I know is they are and that's that. I'm going to find my heavy bathrobe.

So, I'm frozen stiff. I'm not leaving my house until something warms up. So, I've been reading, messing with writing a post to a blog, playing with my movie maker. I learned something helpful about movie maker and can now plan on creating a presentation to use on my job that will make my life easier. Maybe. And I am going to get some stories record for Sarah to hear at home.

So, the next time you hear the term Frozen Stiff, you'll think of me, living in my igloo and blogging while I wait for the Spring Thaw.