Into the Dark

Monday dawns darkly. Very phonetic and so true it hurts your eyes. I can't see a way out of this. I've had brief snatches of diversion over the weekend, thank you Doug and Sharon for Sunday afternoon. You've no idea how very much it helped. And Mike for Saturday. And Sarah got in touch with me last night to check on me. Kat chatted with me a bit, too. All people who have given me so much support. All I can do for them is pray God's blessings on them. My thanks is inadequate but sincere.

But at this point it feels very much like a free-fall. Praying doesn't actually help much. Probably not God's fault.

All very a pretty way to I'm in a pit from which I can't get out. I try and think positive. It will pass. It will get better. All those things that Job's comforters said. I don't actually believe it. I feel absolutely sick right down into my soul. And I'm just tired, not so much physically tired but the kind of tired that caves in on you and pushes you into the floor. I don't know how to explain it. Atlas beneath the world. Bigfoot on your back. Mountains falling on you.

But I have to go out into the dark.

So, I'm dressed for work and the clicking of my keyboard are the only sounds in the house. Darkness swallows up everything else.