Sunshine Overhead, Dark Clouds on the Horizon

The sky is an icy blue and the sun is sliding through it the way a hot knife slices butter. It is 20 degrees! Ten o'clock is gone and eleven just got here. I got up around 8:00 a.m. and I didn't go to bed until 2:00 a.m. Not sure it is enough but I didn't want to waste it in bed. Besides, the neck and shoulder were screaming for me to get off them. So, I did.

I'm sitting here in sweatsuit and house shoes with my hair twisted in a banana clip... looks more like bear claws to me but they call them banana clips. Why? Combs joined by a spring. Go figure.

My house is very quiet. I've read my Bible this morning. Prayed. Am working on my second cup of coffee, eating pancakes and sausage on a stick... like a corn dog but different. I had two with sugar-free syrup.

I've been trying to get around to reading everyone's blogs. That panorama feature works well for that. But I still like going to the blog directly now and then, to see what designs everyone is using.

I just learned a neat little trick in Firefox. If you hold down the shift key and roll your mouse wheel it will take you either back to the page you were on before or forward to one you were on before you went back! Found it by accident! I knew that if you hold the ctrl key down and use the wheel it increases or decreases the screen fonts in Firefox but this shift key thing is new. Neat.

So, what's on the timetable? Nothing. I look around and see things I should do. I don't want to. I'm finding there is little motivation to do much of anything anymore. I just don't want to do anything. I always has a partner to do the things around here. I had some hobbies of my own, crochet, sewing, writing, reading but everything else was a joint effort. If the house needed cleaning most of the time, I had help. If something needed repair, we did it together. If I wanted to rearrange things, I had help. If I wanted to clean out a closet or cabinet, I had help, maybe just with the lifting and checking to see that I wasn't tossing something important. But there was that other person who makes any task or journey easier.

In the last two years I was doing more and more alone, blissfully unaware of any reason for it, and I hated it. Things began to not get done. I got angry and fussed all the time about it. To no avail. I never got an explanation for it. I remember telling him one night that it felt like I was living with a roommate because he was never "there". He looked stunned but I don't remember him saying much. I was a nasty bitch a lot of that time.

I just sit here now and look around me and think, that needs repair. No strength in my left arm means I'm not going to try and pick it up, move it, or anything that will move the deltoid muscle, the one on the back of your upper arm. Just in case you think it isn't much use, think again. That's the one that, if you use it enough, you won't have flabby upper arms. Yeah, that one. You use it for virtually EVERY motion you make, except lifting your arm straight ahead and straight behind you...both pretty worthless motions for day to day activities.

Lift your arm straight out to the side, palm facing down, level with your shoulder. I can't do that. I get my palm about a foot from my thigh and then someone stabs me with a butcher knife or meat cleaver. I can't go to a drive-thru at the bank or pharmacy and use the slide out drawers or automated tellers. I can't prop my arm on anything shoulder height. Can't carry a purse or lift a box down form a shelf. Anything overhead is almost impossible, even hanging a shower curtain.

And forget carrying anything over a pound for more than a few minutes. That muscle is what allows you to carry anything heavy. It takes the brunt of the weight when you carry a piece of luggage or handbag by your side.

So, if the elves don't do it, it probably won't get done. Actually, I've done a few things I realized later I shouldn't but I can't let stuff just lie around forever. I try and find a way to get things down from shelves that won't leave me in the floor or doubled over clutching my arm.

Now that I have ragaled you with my woes and observation and played the old lady by reciting my ills I will leave you. I hope your New Year is way better than my old one. Gee, I hope my New Year is better than my old one! I hope this first day of this new year finds you with people you love. Remember the ten foot rule... all you truly care about is within ten feet of you. Hold on tight. My computer is a bit bulky but it's warm.