Rubber Band Rule

Wednesday at last. I did not believe I'd arrive. Not in one piece. Not sane. I went to bed around 10 and watched a movie there. I don't remember what it was.. oh, Castle. It was Castle.

I'm alone again for lunch today. I could call Mike but sometimes Mike isn't helpful in the company department. I adore him but today it wouldn't be a good idea. Maybe it is better if I just go home for a while.

I have to go to the doctor and I have to have a mammogram. There is a problem. Maybe not a big problem but I have to have it checked. I don't know.

There is a rule, maybe I made it up, called the Rubber Band Rule. You can stretch a rubber band a lot and a long way. But there is a limit to it's flexibility and stability. We're all subject to this rule. It is the point beyond which no one should have to go. I'm there. I'm stretched as far as I can go. I do not feel that I can bounce back, bend, or remain in one piece. I've already begun to fracture physically. Mentally, I"m not sure where I am but it doesn't seem like a good place. Emotionally I'm pretty much broken. I can't bounce back.

This has taken all day to write. I do have to work in between.

I emailed Doug about 10:30 and asked if he could free for lunch because I was bored. He said he had already eaten but wanted to get out of the office. So we met at Penn Station. I ate and he talked, to me, at me and about his writing and the need to find a new job. By the time I left I was not collapsing from the weight of my own problems. I felt bad using time he could have used elsewhere for his personal use. He was nice and said he had wanted to get out of the building anyway.  I don't know. I just know I needed a relatively sane person to ground me for an hour. I've managed to get through the rest of the day.

I do not know what I would have done these last two years without the friends I've made through NaNo and the writing group. I know for sure there would have been days I would not have made it. The same goes for the friends on Multiply. Some days you were all that kept me from imploding.