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My doctor says all my numbers are perfect... except my BP. I've been issued a diuretic. Y'all know what I'll spend the day doing tomorrow? And it is recertification day.... 160 people in 4 hours for six case managers.

He wants me to continue the Xanax but half in the morning and a whole one at night for the next two months. I agreed but when I tried a half one on Saturday, by noon I was feeling it. This is not an anti-depressant. I'm not depressed. There is no dark cloud hanging over my head. I've known severe depression and this isn't it. But it could lead to that.

So, I'll take the drug for now. I do not like mood altering medications. I don't believe in taking them for extensive periods. This particularly med is very addictive they say and I would think so. You don't worry on it. We live in a society where worry is killing us.

I realize now that part of Jerry's worsening depression problem was another symptom of his heart problem. I can't go there now but so many things have become so very clear where his health is concerned and I can't believe that some of the doctors he was seeing never connected these things. He saw the pill pusher about every two or three months. No heart scan for a guy who kept saying he was tired all the time and needed B12 injections? Why would you give those to him all the time and not check to see why he was tired? Did she check his b12 levels? My doctor is doing that. Why didn't she?

I'm going to ask for copies of the medical records and talk to an attorney. I want to know exactly what kind of treatment my husband got or didn't get.

Anyway, physically, I'm probably fine. Watch my diet, exercise, and take the meds and I'll be fine. As long as I don't think a whole lot. My BP is a problem and has been for a while. Not excessively high but not where it should be. I am genetically predisposed to High BP, diabetes, and heart disease. {sigh} And I did aerobics and exercised faithfully for 30 years. So, don't tell me it is all about exercise.

Getting ready to go to bed now. I hope you are all doing well. Please say a prayer for Roselynn. She is going through a difficult problem right now and is also looking for a job. Anyone job hunting probably knows what she is facing there.

Do I feel better? For the next five minutes maybe I will. Or maybe the next 12 hours. I don't know.