Thursday, March 5, 2009

Broken Switches

It seems that every switch to every part of my brain has broken. When I need to think clearly, I can't. When I don't want to remember things, I can't forget. When I need to remember things, I forget. When I try and shut off the fear, I'm overwhelmed. When I try not to cry, I cry. When I laugh, I feel guilty. When I breath, it hurts.

Nothing is working right. Nothing has worked right since January 29. Every thing I was disappeared in a dark frozen night. When the sun came up, I was somewhere else, somewhere I've never been, where I don't know anyone, where no one knows me. I keep looking for the switch to open the gates. They're all broken, too.

I can't get back. I'm caught in a place where nothing is stable or secure. The ground is constantly shaking under my feet. Flight or fight is a continuous struggle in my gut. I feel as if I've been running or as if someone is lurking around the corner to jump out at me.

I'm going to bed. I'm suddenly very tired.

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