Friday, May 1, 2009

Where Has My Mind Gone?

I went to Value City Furniture and ordered the dresser and nightstand that matches my bed. It will arrive on Tuesday. Jerry and I had planned on buying the matching pieces of this bedroom suite when we bought the bed three years ago but it was just so expensive we couldn't afford anything except the bed. We kept planning to buy a dresser or armoire every year but at nearly $1000 for the dresser it was insane. The armoire was about $700. That isn't a bad deal since this is all wood... none of that particle stuff covered in wood look contact paper or plastic wood. Real wood with dovetailed drawers.

It is a small bedroom, and we knew we could only buy one piece, not both. But we never did. We never had the money.

Today, I decided to go and buy one of the pieces. As I walked through the store I was afraid they no longer carried it but I finally found it and the sales person who assisted me was someone I knew. She pointed out a smaller dresser of the same design and color that was half the price! It will be a perfect match and I was able to buy a nightstand, too! Both were less that the larger dresser. I am so thrilled but so sorry Jerry and I could never afford it. And they will take up much less room than the current dresser and nightstand.

There is much I do not talk about here. There are so many things to regret. So very, very many. I try and not think about them. But it is difficult when faced with the quanity. I think the best I can do is tell you to spend it now. Do it now. Go there now. Whatever dreams you have together, make them right now. Because when one of you is gone, the other will suffer terrible regret, regret so deep and so painful that you can't sleep at night, you can't eat, you can't think of anything but what might have been, what is lost.

I can spend every penny I have doing all the things we wanted to do. Completing all the plans we made. But there is little joy in the thought and little joy in the doing.

Normally, I'd say watch your pennies, pay your bills, secure you future. But never mind. Instead, lose you mind now. Tomorrow won't be filled with regrets for what you missed or lost. You'll have warm foolish memories to fill the hollow places and let you smile through the tears.


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