MIA and Other Stuff

Friday arrived on schedule.

I've been around but with NaNo approaching, my duties as ML, and my pain problems, I've not been in any position to do more than read your blogs, which I do. I don't think I've been leaving comments. After Grammy sent out a probe I figured I better pop in just to insure everyone knows I'm around. Don't you all go deleting me just cause I'm MIA a few days!

I'm doing o.k. Not perfect... pain was  pretty horrible from Sunday through Tuesday. I was so sick I really needed to be home but I simply can't afford to miss anymore work. I had a hideous migraine but I didn't really know that was part of the problem. My neck was so bad I was contemplating calling for a cervical block. I took an Imetrex to see if it would help on Tuesday at lunch when I realized I also had a headache. I got sicker but that is what they do to me. Feels like you're dying. No, seriously. I went home after work and got the hottest shower I could stand and lay down on the sofa where I stayed for hours just letting tv shows roll. I was better on Wednesday. Today, I'm relatively well although there is still mild pain in and around my neck and shoulders.

My shoulders hurt. I've had to put one of the patches on my left shoulder for week or so now, right on top of it. I think coupled with my neck problem and a migraine it all served to do me in. I do not know what triggered what but I think the shoulder is triggering the neck which in turn triggers the migraine. Just a guess. As good as I get at the doctor.

My plotting & planning meeting on Saturday is all set. I do not know who will show up. I'd like to see 15 but we'll see. The Meet & Greet is set for October 28 at 6:30 p.m at Panera Bread. I've given a couple of hours. We'll see. Really not sure how this is going to go.

November 1 it the start date, as you all have heard ad nauseum. I'm a bit excited but not overly. I have no ideas and that's a problem this year. I fear with my other problems to go in blank might not be a good thing. So, I'm looking for some kind of plan.

I'm attempting to get to bed at night by 10:30 p.m. I have found that it helps since I'm sleeping better. But I'm constantly tired. I never feel I've had enough sleep. I told a friend at work this week that I was getting worse, not better. I do not, truly do not know how much longer I can function at my job like this. It is taking all I can do to keep up now. It's very depressing. I can't quit and I can hardly do it most days.

Oh, that's enough of that stuff. I've got to get back to the piles of stuff waiting for my attention. I'll let you know how things come out tomorrow.

Senior Citizen's Discount

"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!What am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my ife. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

Day Off... Or Two... Whatever

I'm sitting here in Panera. I just had a Fuju Apple Salad, the half salad actually. It was very good. I cheated on my diet, which isn't news. I had a toffee nut cookie. OMS (Oh my stars!) that is the best cookie in the world.

No, I'm not at work. I took off today and tomorrow. I closed on my loan this morning. I hope it was the right decision. Time will tell. It is a 15 year loan. I had only 10 years left on the other loan but in the long run, if I can continue to make the same payment, I'll pay it off just as soon but save a bit of money.

Why did I take the day off? I don't know. I just realized that I wasn't going to be able to take any time off for the rest of the year other than the paid holidays at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I volunteered for this ML position with NaNo and my sister is slated for surgery on the 31st. I have several things that must be done but somewhere in there I forgot me.

Actually, I've felt better this week because I'm getting much needed sleep... not enough of it but more and better. So, I'm a bit more alert, particularly in the afternoons. So, I thought, while I did feel better, I should make the best of it and take what I'm given. I can go back to work tomorrow if I want but I don't think I will. Maybe. I have to go get those back xrays anyway so probably, I'll do that.

At the moment, things are quiet. I need quiet. I've decided that my life has actually gotten more complicated rather than less. I have always been a person who like quiet. No parties, fancy gatherings, social engagements, clubs, etc for me. I liked being with my family, with Jerry or alone. Now I find myself filling up time with things to do, places to go, people to see. I look for ways to squeeze in to every minute. That way I don't think much. I don't sit staring at walls, into mirrors, or at photographs. I'm not introspective. When I crochet or sew I don't have memories jumping out at me. When I am working I don't have time to ponder my past. If I have somewhere to go I'm not wandering around the house looking for something that isn't there.

And I don't like any of it. Oh, I enjoy the craft stuff a lot. I like my writing group. I like church. It isn't that these things are unpleasant in themselves. It is just that they are just fillers. You... I don't feel as if I'm living life. I'm just filling it up with stuff, getting through another day.

So, what am I doing today? I went to the bank at 9 and was done by 10. I came home, played a game on the computer for 2 hours, paid a couple of bills, read emails and blogs. Then I realized I had not eaten all day and decided I better do that. I loaded up the computer and headed to Panera where I have consumed the aforementioned items and here I sit. Small booth I picked is not terribly comfortable and it isn't quiet here. The staff are cutting up and laughing on the other side of the wall. Still, it isn't unpleasant. I don't actually want to leave.

The writer's meeting is tonight at 6:30. I'm glad although lately the group has been small. I know that three of them will be there, maybe 4. Melina is, of course, away at college until the holidays. Cassie says she'll only be by for an hour. Kathy, Loraine and Doug say they'll be there. So will I. I believe Kathy is bringing the cake tonight, the wickedly triple chocolate from Sam's Club. Decadent.

I have to get a plan for Nano. I'm making plans now for the plotting and planning meeting. No idea what I'm doing there, not being a good plotter. However, I find letting people talk about their ideas helps. And often others can offer insights. So, that's scheduled, tentatively, for the 22nd. The 28 is the Meet & Greet here at Panera. That's my birthday, too. A celebration of sorts. Note to self: remember to get name tags for that night. I'm hoping Panera is dead that night and we have plenty of room on the off chance 50 people show up! Fortunately I'd spread it out over two hours. Plenty of time to chat and eat and leave. Be nice to have a real room but there are just not that many places here that offer such facilities. Maybe, if we can get an established, consistent group we can make better arrangements but I'm not going to make huge plans for a uncertain number of people.

All right, I need to move on now. I need to head home. It is going on 3 p.m. and the living room must be straightened before the inmates arrive.

Astounding Website

I googled "crazy events". Yep. 

I'm shocked I've never run across this site before, being the ultraconservative that I proudly proclaim. I'm going to read more when I've got time but just the first few items surprised me. Not only are the articles surprising, they provide a link to the articles they get their info from. http://endoftheamericandream.com/

Warning: This is not a site liberals will be interested in. In fact, some conservatives don't want to hear it either.

Rank Has Its Privileges

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an older man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.

"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."

Drifting Into Saturday

It feels that way. I had a good sleep last night. I took one of those patches and cut it in half and then half again. These patches are about 6x8 and I was using a whole one on my back and taking a half one cutting that in half again and putting it on my knees. It was working great but my neck and arm and hand were just terrible.


On Thursday night I had a frightening episode where my right pupil dilated to nearly twice the size of the left eye. I could FEEL it! I didn't know that was happening at first. For two weeks I'd have a problem driving with my glasses on. I simply found it very difficult and I didn't know why. I kept having all that pain and my head hurt and well, I won't bore you with a repeat of the blogs. I even asked two people if they ever heard of such a thing. Both said no. Well, Thursday I was reading and notice I couldn't see very good. I could see but it wasn't right some way. After finding I couldn't look at the computer, I held something over each eye and realized my right eye was not as clear as the left and was uncomfortable looking at certain bright objects. I looked in the mirror and gasped.


I was scared to death. I've had a pupil dilation before. About 8 years ago I had double vision about 2 hours in that eye and never did figure out what caused it. Since then, I've had mild dilation once or twice. This was more pronounced. I called my wonderful eye doctor. He actually puts his home phone on his answering machine and his cell! He only asked that you call those in a medical eye emergency. This was for me. He asked me several questions and said he thought it might be a migraine and to call first thing on Friday and they'd get me in right away. I called my aunt and asked them to pray for me and they did. Then, since I could do no more and could not read or use the computer, I went to bed.


Friday morning I was at my doctor's by 9 and was taken in immediately. I had a mild headache then because of the neck and shoulder. Everything else was, of course and thankfully, normal. He said again it was probably a migraine. But he checked thoroughly inside my eye with all kinds of light and lenses. I always joke at my normal exam that I leave his office tired. Emergency exams are only slightly different. I went back to work but that neck and arm still hurt and I figured it was the cause of the headache.


Last night I took the large patch I used on my back and cut it in half and decided to see if that worked as well as a large one. I then took the half and cut that in half and put it my neck. I am pleased to report that my neck is much better this morning. Although sitting on this sofa is definitely part of the problem. I need to get a new living room suite.


So, I began the day a bit better off. I have some things I have to do. I want Mike to come over and help me but he has running he wants to do and I don't. So, not sure it will all get done. I'm going to pay the bills as it is first of the month. I still haven't heard from my bank about the refinance. I'm getting antsy.


I'm trying to organize the meetings for NaNo. Not hard since the Library has someplace reserved every day but Sundays which are bad for me anyway. I think I'm simply going to look for those nights when it is after I get off work and make that the official meets and let the other stand for anyone who wants to get together at other times.


The meet and greet is scheduled at the moment for 10/28, my birthday, 6:30 to 9 at Panera. This is the best for me and the location won't have as many people at night. I'd like to do it somewhere else but there just isn't any place I can "reserve" space for possibly 20 people. The time will allow people to come and go as they like and they'll be tempted to buy food and drink, which helps. The time is also an effort to allow some of the more distant to get there after work if necessary.


O.k., I'm out of here. I have some things to get at Lowe's with the rest of my gift card. I also want to go by Value City and look at a living room suite. And... I need to get Mike to see if he'll help me with that wall. I want it fixed a month ago!


Everyone have a nice weekend. Today it is beautiful outside.

Past the Hump

I am much better today compared to Monday. I still have some minor pain but it is minuscule compared to the past weekend. I got my doctor to prescribe those medicinal patches for both my back and my knees. She did. Now I can put them on both places at night.

Today, my knees don't hurt much and my back and right leg are still good. I suspect that as a result of those improvements my left neck shoulder and hand are down to about a 2 on the 10 scale. You know the one that goes from :) to :O.

The weather is absolutely gorgeous and I'm annoyed I'm locked inside. I really would love to be off tomorrow. I don't want to take off only because I can see me needing the time later for some insane reason.

I've been busy posting dates and locations on the NaNo calendar for my region that show the dates, times and locations the library has reserved rooms for writers. I'm only up to the 15th! Well....I am having to do it on breaks.

I've scheduled the initial meet and greet for October 28th. I have no idea who will show if anyone. I may have to reschedule that as it is also Halloween weekend and Boo at the Zoo is going on and probably other assorted celebrations for the dubious holiday.

It is nearly time to go home now and I'm really anxious to get out of here. I have got to finish Sarah's skirt. I've been sick for over a week and just not able to sit at my machine with the pain in my joints. It is very upsetting with all that stuff piled there waiting for me to create something. I sat in a chair for days, doing nothing but watching television shows. I hate that.

But I am caught up on my shows and even found a couple of new ones.

I've done no writing to speak of, not even the blog. I don't know how I'm going to manage to writer 50,000 words in next month. I'm trying to get my head around it and see if I can actually put together a plan. Planning, these days anyway, seems far beyond me.

I'm very tired this afternoon but then usually after a huge bout with pain I am exhausted for days. I need to sleep and I need to stop getting to bed late. There was a period over a year ago now, where I was going to bed no later than 10:30 and I was actually doing pretty good. I need to get back on track for that. It would probably help me.

All right. I'm heading out in 15 minutes to go home. Not sure I'll be back on today so have a lovely evening. Tomorrow is Friday and supposed to be just as pretty as today. I do like fall in the midwest. About the only season I do like here.

NaNo Approaches!

It's Official

I am now the ML for Evansville NaNoWriMo. Wow!

Um...now what?

Moanday Passed Me UP

I must say that Moanday missed me for the most part and by the time
you read this so did Tuesday. I didn't feel great when I got up Monday
but neither was I miserable. The day was blessedly uneventful.

Carolyn was back at work on Monday also, but was so busy we hardly saw
one another. I was glad she was back but I've got myself in a routine
that I am in my chair until I'm hungry and then go to lunch which is
much later than she likes to go. We did go a bit later but not as late
as I would have liked. I like lunch around 1 p.m. What I discovered
during this time was that I work better in the mornings than the
afternoons. So, I may have to start going to lunch alone more often as
my days seem more productive and I don't get as stressed once the work
is out of the way.

I was very depressed most of the weekend. It rained endlessly but I
like rain for the most part. I had no desire to do more than read the
blogs this weekend and I think I left a few comments. I still have the
panorama feature and can just click down the list and read them. I
also  worked on Sarah's skirts - there are two, and started a second
baby shawl, this one for my neice, Alicia.

I don't know Alicia very well. I've only seen the child maybe half
dozen times in her life. She's 17 and managed to get pregnant. What
can I say....my brother and Alicia's mother are divorced and have been
a while. They have four children all of who are absolutely wilder than
elephants. I don't know the others at all....well, I've seen the boys
three times at family gatherings. They were well behaved during those
times. but I think on a daily basis they have issues. They've been in
foster care a couple of times. The youngest is probably learning
disabled and has kidney problems. The twins (middle children)are ....
a problem. Alicia, the oldest, is also a problem. My sister was foster
parent for Alicia and the youngest for awhile. She refused the twins
because they tend to act violently at times. Alicia was constantly
sneaking out and going wild. She was finally sent to a group home,
which she promptly ran away from and was placed with my mother... do
not know the moron who thought that was a good idea!  Eventually, she
was sent away from there. Only the younger child stayed with my sister
for a short time. To be fair to those children, they had the most
atrocious parents and it is like raising dogs. If they aren't treated
well, loved and nurtured, they become vicious creatures with a desire
to devour everyone they meet. They are all, except Alicia, back with
their mother who is one of two reasons they are messed up. I'm not
being mean... I only speak the facts.

So, I did a shawl for Kayla's baby. I felt that I should at least do
one for Alicia's baby. God knows the kid will need all the help she
can get. It is different in pattern and color from Kayla's but is is
really lovely. I don't know if she will care for it or not. I hate to
think all this beautiful work will be dropped on the floor somewhere
and walked on. I've been tempted to just buy her a nice gift because I
am falling in love with this shawl and don't want to think of it being
discarded. But it seems wrong to do that. I may reconsider and give
this as a gift to someone else and buy her something I'm not
emotionally vested in. I'm still debating. Anyway, I'll post photos
soon of all of it.

I totally forgot this post and now it is Wednesday and busy as the
last two days. I don't mind busy. It goes faster. I'm getting ready to
go to lunch in a bit with Inmate Loraine. We're meeting at Panera
Bread. The salad is good and it is a nice place to meet.

Weather is cool and very cloudy with patches of blue here and there.
Not enough blue for me. Yesterday was beautiful outside and I longed
to be out there.

I'm going to get my house refinanced if I can. I decided this week. It
will lower my payments considerable since the interest rates are so
low. It will lessen some of my worries, in fact, after I talked to the
bank yesterday I felt so much better just considering it. I haven't
got the deal wrapped up yet. I still have to do the application and
they have to approve it. I was having a hard time deciding if I wanted
to do it. I finally decided if this is the right decision the
everything will go through without a hitch.

Heat will be installed tomorrow morning. I went with the cheaper unit
even though I'm a bit leary of it. I just don't want to spend a huge
amount of money right now. I'll purchase a warranty for it and if
anything goes wrong, that will cover it. In fact, I'm going to get a
home owners warranty. My sister had that and when her water heater
went out they replaced it at no charge to her! So, home warranty on
all appliances soon. Most are new but you never can tell what will
happen.

Next... pain levels are nearly around a 2 or 3 on a scale of 10. I'm
wearing that patch they gave me for my knees on my lower right back!
The pain in my leg has radically diminished, although I still get
shooting pains and some cramps. I just take a acetaminophen for it.
I'm using the liquid on my knees because it works as well as the patch
if I do it three or four times a day. It did not work on my back as
well. Not sure why. I've started putting it in my neck the last few
days to see if it helps with that pain. I think it does. So, I've been
getting some much better sleep and can turn over more often.

The bad news...I probably have severe arthritis in all those locations
and they are major joint locations that affect my mobility.

But I'm thankful for any relief at this point that allows me to get some sleep.

I'm going now. Work is rudely screaming my name.

Nearly There!

The weekend beckons! I'm at Thursday and running full tilt to Friday. I have been so busy this week that I have not blogged since Monday! I've gone home every night and watched t.v.! All my shows popped up on HULU at one time and I'm playing catch-up. I don't think they will be online more than a couple of weeks and there were 25 on my watch list last night. LOL, veggie time.

Thirty-two years ago today the most exciting thing in my life happened. Michael Courtney Maddox arrived at 5:09 a..m. He weighed in at 7 lb 14 oz and was 21 in. long.

It has been my greatest privilege to have spent my life with Michael. No matter how difficult the journey has been for both of us, Michael has continued to smile through it all. When my life blew apart, Mike was there to hold me up and help me through the long months of gathering up the pieces. He may think he's a failure at many things but his greatest success has been as a son.

Happy Birthday, Michael!

My sister is having surgery to remove that stint as we speak. I am out of days so I couldn't take off but my aunt and uncle are at the hospital with her. This is supposed to be a same day surgery so we are expecting her to be released this evening.

Sarah came over last night for a few hours to visit with her Poppy and Uncle Dale.She absolutely adores my aunt and uncle. To clarify, she calls my uncle Dale, Poppy. But she calls my aunt Phillis, Uncle Dale. This is confusing and highly amusing to everyone but she's done this since she was probably two. She got them confused and we've never dared try and correct her. She's corrected me a few times! Uncle Dale (aunt Phillis) would be furious if we did, she loves it. The story behind this is that on a visit Sarah was asked to identify people, I believe around the table. She named them all until we got to my aunt. Then she said, "I don't know what they call her but I call her Uncle Dale." And Uncle Dale is it.

Moan Day, Not So Much

The day started rather blandly and ended up wet. Poured down most of the afternoon. The week is supposed to turn cooler and I have no heat yet. I have two estimate and believe it or not, the higher one I'm inclined to go with. Only because the product is a better grade. I can't mess around with an item so costly to replace. In 15 years I suspect it will cost $7000 to replace.

Work was rather uneventful and probably because my boss was out. Lots less running for everyone. Tomorrow I suspect he'll be back and the day won't go as well.

I've spend the evening sewing on a skirt for Sarah. I'm not pleased with it. Must get my act together and do better. It is cute but the waist band is not what I planned and I'm annoyed. I got in a hurry. Still, it will do.

I'm off to bed now for some much needed sleep. The last several nights I don't feel as if I slept well. It felt as if I was just dozing. Does that make sense? Not a deep sleep, but one of those just beneath the surface sleeps that leaving you feeling cheated. Morpheus is a fickle devil.

Omissions

My appointment as pastor coincided with the church's appeal for aid for victims of a hurricane.

Unfortunately, on my first Sunday in the parish, the center page of the church bulletin was accidentally omitted. So members of the congregation read from the bottom of the second page to the top of the last page:

"Welcome to the Rev. Andrew Jensen and his family ... the worst disaster to hit the area in this century. The full extent of the tragedy is not yet known."

A Better End to Moan Day

You know.... that's is such a good pun! Moan Day. The first day of the week and everyone of us gets up moaning and I spend a good portion of the day moaning. 


Believe it or not I don't actually like being that person. I kind of get sick of it, as I'm sure do most of those around me or reading me. Too much like my mother, something I have never desired to be. I've realized that I'm not a terribly happy person and probably won't ever be again. No very optimistic of me, I know. But honest. With myself. I have several names for me but since I try not to make a habit of name calling I won't share them. I really don't like who I am now and have been for a long time... say at least 7 years. Life got tough, I got wimpy. 


I had Sarah after work tonight. We had a nice time in the back yard. She played in her sandbox and then caught fireflies. As it grew dark she didn't like it anymore. When I was a kid I loved it when it got dark outside. I could stay out for hours. I usually was with siblings or friends but even alone I was never afraid of it. I'm still not too much. I was for a time after Jerry died. Wouldn't sit out there at all. I've gotten better but the bugs have,  too. 


We came in and she insisted I read the Bible to her. She does that now and it is very odd to me. She's just turned five but for over a year she has asked to have the Bible read to her. Not a children's Bible story book or a child's Bible. The grownup version. Becca says she asks her to read to her, too. I've had two children, 6 siblings, two younger cousins that were like siblings, about a half dozen assorted nieces and nephews. I've read hundreds of books upon request. I once read Treasure Island, the long version, not a kids book, to my cousins (about 5 & 7 at the time & I was 15) and did pirate voices. Took a couple of weeks! Not once in all my life have I ever been asked by a 5 year old to read the Bible to them. It is not their first choice. Nor their last!


So I did. I don't think she cares what part you read to her. I think I could read Numbers and she'd listen! 

A Day in the Weekend

I just spent the entire weekend watching Firefly and was sad when the last episode aired. I have the whole series, which was only one season. My sister has the movie and I should go and buy my own copy so I don't borrow it and give it back. It is such a great story. I get so caught up in it that I can't stop until it is over.

I didn't do much else over the weekend but start two denim skirts for Sarah and play games online. Oh, and I'm over half done with the baby shawl I'm making. I'll have to get photos for you or a video. It's been a bit challenging because I start a row and find myself doing the previous row. It is a row of shells and then the base chain to do the next row of shells. But I forget and just keep doing shells. I'm better now. Not doing that as much but still enough to frustrate me and annoy.

At the moment, I'm doing nothing. I'm tired and I think I'll just get my shower and go to bed. The day did not go as I had hoped and I'm feeling under the weather. Nose stuffy, throat scratchy, headachy. Sarah has been sick all weekend with a cold and Becca was also not well yesterday. So the season has started.

Hope you have had a better one.

Group Calls To Ban Pledge Of Allegiance At Massachusetts Schools, Citing No Educational Value | Fox News

Link

What an OMG moment this is! I'm so mad at this piece of crap I could spit nails. This moron doesn't even know what an oath of allegiance is! A pledge of allegiance is a statement made by the citizens of a country to swear loyalty to that country's law, liberties, and fellow citizens.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America AND to the Republic for which it stands, ONE nation, UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE with liberty and just for all.

This is not rocket science, you idiot. Here is the idiot version just for you: I swear to be bound by the laws of this Republic and defend her without hesitation to insure all people enjoy her liberty and justice.

No educational value?

Again, what an idiot! He doesn't even know his own country's history. It is teaching our children that they are expected to honor, respect, and defend this nation and its citizens. It is an sworn OATH not a poem. Allegiance:. 1. (1) : the fidelity owed by a subject or citizen to a sovereign or government (2) : the obligation of an alien to the government under which the alien resides

2

: devotion or loyalty to a person, group, or cause

HELLO anyone home? OWED by the citizen or alien resident! And if teachers are not educating the children on this point, they're also idiots! I got that when I was educated... in Southern schools, by the way, which are reportedly some of the worst in the nation. Every Redneck in Dixie knows what the Pledge of Allegiance is! Wow, but they don't in Massachusetts! At least in this guy's neighborhood.

I'm still shocked that the President of the United States can't even recite it. So, I don't care what religion you are, what color you are, what your name is, or what office you hold. If you don't want to say the Pledge, I respectfully suggest you GET OUT of my country. The last thing we need is another traitor to the nation.

Frankly, if you go anywhere else, you'll be expected to swear allegiance to that country. Please go. Some loyal citizen needs your job.

Jilly's DPT: Labor Day

This is the after effects. I'm beat. I went to the picnic with Mike and Sarah.She is here with me now but I'm really tired. We left Mike at the church. He just called and he has a ride home. That will help me a lot. I am just worn out for some reason. I'll take Sarah home when he gets here. The church gave me a microwave for Dave and Becca. They have a truck of appliances they are going to sell to raise money. I asked how much it was and told them I wanted to buy it for them. Bro Phil gave it to me. So, saved some money there.

I'm just so tired. I ate too many sweets and starches. But there wasn't much else. I had green beans and some baked beans (they were Bushes Baked beans - I buy the same brand LOL) and a hot dog. I tried some chicken and dumplings but someone had forgotten to season them with black pepper and I didn't see any. Banana pudding was good but that pretty much topped my system. The only low carb on the menu was those green beans. There was a lot of pasta stuff and tons of desert. The church furnished hotdogs, hamburgers, and steak. There is always plenty for everyone so if you're not carb restricted, you're in food heaven. Unfortunately, I wasn't.

I think I wasn't expecting how depressed I was going to get. I don't want to do it again. I thought sure it would be different this time. I have avoided more and more such events for the same reason. They are no longer things I enjoy. Going to family events alone is simply not enjoyable. I do like seeing Sarah have a good time but as soon as she was done we left.

Of course, I did nothing but walk around with Sarah. She played a fishing game and got a prize. She also won the egg toss! The egg she and Libby were using just never broke. Libby is 3 and Sarah is 5 and they tossed that egg like a baseball. It hit the ground and bounced. It was weird. Not a crack.

I doubt I'll do the picnic again. It is far too depressing. I didn't know what to do with myself and there are mostly family members together. I chat with different ones but well, I don't really share a past with anyone there so there isn't much to talk about. It isn't that they aren't courteous but it pretty much socializing with strangers. I don't do it well. And I am not in any condition to play games. It was a bad idea to go because it simply served to remind me I'm a square peg in a room of round holes.

I'm going now. I am going to work on the baby blanket some more. I'm about halfway. So, at the rate I'm going I should be done with it in about two weeks. Then, I'll start on something else.

What a drag this blog is. Back to work tomorrow.

Labor Day Monday

I'm not laboring at all. I'm sitting here in the living room looking out at a dismal cloudy day. I do not want to go to the picnic since it is far cooler with no sun out. It is currently 63 F! I won't be doing any running. Had planned to sit in the shade and watch the games and crochet while chatting.

I'm going but I'm probably only going to stay for lunch. Mike will want to be there all day and I may just drop him off and come home and pick him up later. I'm going to call him.

I'm a bit annoyed. I don't get out much as it is. I was looking forward to this. I'd rather have 90 degrees and sun than 63 and clouds. This is more than likely going to set off some joint pain if I get too cool. So, not sure now what I'll do.

It is ten now so I have to decide soon. I don't know if Sarah is going or not either.

I woke up with quite a bit of pain and that has become the norm. I'm not resting well. No, there doesn't seem to be a solution since I have no idea what is causing it. I am going to talk with both doctors about a sleep study. Something is wrong when I sleep.

I'll be back later to post my Labor Day photo. Not sure what it will be. Did more reading on Boomerang. You get to do 10 free advance posts a month and if you want more, you have to subscribe and pay for it. Sooooo, I can use the 10 free. I'm not paying for it. Sorry I wasn't more clear about that. I just discovered it this morning reading on the site. I figured I better read up on all the features. It is a nice one. However, if you use Microsoft outlook, that feature is installed. But you have to go online for it to work. Window Life Mail also allows you to send later and you can use gmail with it, so I'm going to look at it. I simply use gmail online now for everything because it is just easy.

All righty, off to see what I can see. Have a nice holiday if this is your holiday. If not have a great day in the mines.

Odd Sunday

I went to church this morning with Mike and my sister, Phyllis. We had lunch at Grandy's and I came home to sit and crochet. I had an ocular migraine around 3 p.m. that freaked me out. I felt fine, no pain or warning. Then, while I was doing a crossword puzzle I began having trouble reading the clues. There were spots in the way and I couldn't see the letters clearly. Next came the weird neon lights in my right eye, around the outer edge of it. I had a flashing blue at the top of the eye and a swirling blinking one to the out edge. Joining these were a zigzag, blinking, black and white line.

I called my eye doctor, bless him the best one in the whole world. He gives his cell number and his home number on his answering machine! I felt so bad since it is a holiday calling him but he called me back in under 20 minutes. Listened to me tell him what was happening and told me it should pass off in another 20 but if it did not to call him back. He said if I had any symptoms that persisted I should go immediately to the er. He said he'd been in his office a little while today and could see me if I felt he needed to.

This is not unusual for him. He's wonderful.

It did pass of in about 20 minutes and I was fine. This is the second time I've had this kind of migraine. It terrified me then, too. I get concerned about being in the car when this kind of thing comes on. Last time I drove to his office from work and it was so scary.

After the lights went out I watched a program on Xfinity online.

Tonight I discovered I got Jilly's DPT screwed up a bit. I did Tuesday's on the third, did the third! I think I've mucked it up a bit but I'll get on track. Ran across another tonight for the end of the month. Considering this is my first time doing the DPT I figure I can mess up a bit. I've already got about half of them!

Now, I'm going to use the Boomerang feature for Gmail and send them ahead so I won't have to worry with it. One thing I discovered it it doesn't work in Firefox, although the site says it does. It works in Chrome, which is good because I'm quickly learning to like it for a lot of things. It is so fast!

Hope you all have a great day tomorrow. I'm planning on going to the church picnic with Mike. It is supposed to be sunny and in the 70's and this will be perfect weather to be outside for ball games and volleyball. I am hoping to take Sarah but she's been under the weather today. Her mother says too much cake.

Good night!

The Case of the Delayed Post

No, I'm not writing a mystery... at least not one with that title. It is a pretty good title for a Perry Mason story, though. No, I'm going to experiment on the blog with a plugin called Boomerang. I am supposedly able to send my post through my email at a later date. Since Multiply does not have a feature for this, I've had to improvise. So, here goes.

We had Sarah's birthday party tonight at her house. After the party, we went to the pool and swam for about two hours. Everyone had a great time. In attendance were me, Mike, my sister Phyllis, Dave, Becca and her parents, Sue and John. And of course, the birthday girl. If you have not already done so, you will find the video already posted... if this delayed post worked, that is. 

Also, by now there are photos in the albums. 

I'm off to bed now. I'd like to be able to go to church tomorrow. Everyone have a great Labor Day weekend if you're blessed enough to be in America. It is the last official summer holiday. 

Someone Left the Door Open

I'm at work but it appears the guards are not watching! I will have to make this quick. I had started a post but my whole system locked up and I lost it all! This one will not be as long.

I woke this morning and was achy all over but I have this baseball sized spot in my lower back just to the right of my spine. It feels as if said baseball struck me there. I had problems all night with it and getting up and down reminds me it is there.

Other than that I feel fair to middlin'. I was late to work because getting going this morning was a bit difficult. However, I'm here, shoveling and while they aren't watching, taking a break.

I was so tired when I got home last night that I lay down and got a brief nap, about 30 minutes. When I got up I spent the evening finishing Sarah's little dress and then I did some crochet and watch television shows on the computer. The crochet is a baby blanket for my neice's baby. It is due in a few months and I have to really hustle to get it done. I should be done in a couple of weeks if all goes well and I can keep up the current pace. I'll post photos soon.

I have a writer's meeting this week and must find things that I can have as treats. I've decided to simply avoid white foods i.e. potatoes, rice, bread, things that contain processed sugar, and sweets in general. We'll see how I hold up. Certainly won't hurt me. I was worried about limiting my carbs too much but ran across a website with a post from a biochemist who disagreed with someone who said low carb diets were bad for you. When I began to read the posts I got depressed but that entry really gave me some information that was helpful and educational. She rebutted quite well. Here is here response. If this is, in fact, the case, the low carb diets are the only way for the population to stay healthy. It is also probably why Daddy never had heart problems, high blood pressure, or other common problems. He did not eat junk food... except

"As a biochemist, I am going to have to respectfully disagree with some advice you received here. The ketogenic diet is not unhealthy as long as you are not a type one diabetic. In the absence of carbohydrate, research has found that fat is eliminated from the body via fat breakdown byproducts called "ketones," hence the name ketogenic diet.

Fat storage, and arteriosclerosis: Fat cannot be stored, or build up in arteries, in the absence of carbs, therefore a high fat diet is only harmful when and ONLY when carbs are present. In the absence of carbs in the diet, the glycolytic pathway, (the pathway that metabolizes carbs), is greatly slowed to the point that the body cannot get enough fuel to survive from this pathway. Therefore, the body turns to a pathway called, "beta oxidation:" the fat burning pathway, to provide its fuel. The fat is broken down into ketones which the body uses as fuel. The brain can and does use ketones for fuel when glucose is absent. The heart prefers ketones, and actually uses them exclusively, as does peripheral tissue.

About muscle wasting: the ketogenic diet actually prevents muscle wasting, b/c the pathway that breaks down muscle for fuel is the very pathway, (the glycolytic pathway), that has been shut down. Muscle wasting can only occur when a person restricts calories during a low fat, high carb diet. Muscle wasting cannot occur in a low carb diet, because it is impossible to burn amino acids for fuel in beta oxydation. Therefore, the proper ketogenic diet WILL burn only fat, and preserve muscle, AND it is not harmful for a healthy individual. Nonetheless, before embarking on any diet, you should see your physician first.

Regarding ketoacidosis: ketoacidosis, the dangerous phenomenon where the body's pH becomes too acidic to survive, is not the same as ketosis, and it ONLY happens in type one diabetics. Ketoacidosis CANNOT occur in a person without type one diabetes, b/c of metabolic pathways that would be too long to discuss here. What I will say is that healthy individuals pee and breathe out all excess ketones, thereby the body maintains it's healthy pH. Type I Diabetics cannot do this, and the ketone production runs amuck. A healthy individual cannot go into ketoacidosis.

The other facts: Every night while we sleep, the body fasts and burns ketones for fuel. The heart must have ketones to survive, as ketones are its only fuel source, and so a good 8 hours sleep is paramount to a healthy heart. The worst thing a person can do is eat carbs before bed.

Done properly, as any diet, the ketogenic diet is safe and effective. Again, check with your physician to make sure you should be on a diet in the first place.

So, that said, I feel better about it.

Last night I finished Sarah's little dress and will get photos as soon as possible. I also started on a baby blanket this past week and am about halfway. It is going to be pretty I think. Again, I'll put photos up when I can. I spent last evening watching television, crocheting and working on the dress.

Tonight I will continue on the dress but I need to work on some of the writing stuff. It's been a crazy summer and I see it passing so quickly. I have so many things I'd like to do and just not enough time. Work takes most of it away from me. I have to rest sometimes so that takes more. Not much left for the things I really enjoy. Not sure if I mentioned going swimming with Sarah on Saturday. I'll have to tell you in the next post.

I'm getting ready to shut down for the day. It has been rather slow. My co-worker friend, Carolyn has her surgery tomorrow on her back. My writing friend, Loraine has surgery as well on Friday. These ladies are special to me so just keep them in prayer.

Waves of the Week

It seems as if everything in life is in waves, recurring waves. Like real waves you can't stop it or change it. Take Monday for example. It comes every seven days and is always the worst day of the week for me. I had a terrible time getting up and coming to work. I simply felt terrible. Very depressed and achy. I had eggs and bacon for breakfast. Very boring. I like both a lot but I'm going to burn out on this very quickly I think. There is no variety at all. And don't suggest the 1001 ways to fix eggs. I don't like to cook and don't have time for fancy stuff in the mornings. I've had my work mornings planned to the second for years now and this is causing some issues. I have to get up a bit earlier just to cook the stuff. Thank goodness for my microwave. I fix a cup of coffee, put the bacon in the microwave and get the eggs ready. In three minutes the bacon is done and I scramble the eggs at that point. That takes about another two minutes. Then I sit down to eat. Takes about the same time as it does to stop somewhere and order something to go.

I went to Dave and Becca's on Saturday afternoon and we spent the afternoon in the pool. Sarah has swim vest but she was really terrified of it. We got those little things that you blow up for their arms Saturday and put those on as well and it helped her immensely. At first she was scared to death and had a death grip on my fingers but after about 20 minutes of playing with her and showing her how to stay with her head out of the water and afloat she took off and was all over the place. We really had to watch her after that because she was in constant motion, her little feet bicycling like crazy. The manager told us that in that during the summer's she has the Y come out and give swimming lessons. I think she'll need them.

On Saturday night Sarah came to my house and was going to spend the night. She got sick around 11:30 and they had to come get her and take her to the ER. She was vomiting and with her being so small you can't let her do that long. She simply has no body fat to sustain her and she has very little fluid storage capacity because of that. They were there all night. I had them bring Sarah over Sunday for me to keep while they slept. Becca stayed with us but she did sleep. And so did Sarah. By bed time my back was acting up on the lower right side. Feels like a bruise back there this morning. I put ice on it when I went to bed. At the moment, it isn't hurting unless I touch it.

So, Monday begins. And I am depressed. Some of it could be sleep deprivation. Some could be because I feel as if once again I had no weekend. Although I didn't have a terrible one I needed some decompression time. I didn't get to go to church. I did sit and crochet for hours and that's the cause of the back problem. What I feel this morning is a need to find a place to be alone and sleep. I don't want to be here.

Files lie at my elbow and are waiting for processing. There are about 20 or so of them. By the 7th I'll have another 24-30 waiting for me to work on. Be nice to get ahead if I can.I have more work than that but those files make the biggest pile.

I may get back sometime today but it is doubtful. Too much to do.

The Wonder of The Stars

My post this morning was influenced by Grammy Blick Texas. She is always inspiring.

I love nature and could sit for hours in the woods and listen to the sounds and smell the scents.  I have always been mindful of how awesome is this God who could create such a structure. For me, to look at the stars, at the amazing detail of the universe and the delicate balance that had to happen for it to even be possible staggers my mind and it is at that point that I can only stare in awe and say, "What an awesome God you are to have done this thing." And I am also astounded that he'd even care if we had this!

Some would say that last statement is the reason there can be no God. There is no one out there. Because humans can't create such magnitude, we believe it impossible for any other being to do so.  So, it must all have happened by accident. I would challenge them to read Hugh Ross' "Creator and the Cosmos" and "The Creator and Time" for the chemistry involved in the actual creation and the delicate balance of required to make every single thing in the universe exist. The mind boggles. One fraction plus or minus of any single element and it would not have happened. It wasn't an accident.

"O Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. " Psalms 104:24

"Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created."Rev. 4:11

Despite science's attempts to find "life on other planets" or worlds similar to ours, they've never done it. "It is a matter of time" is constantly stated and yet, even scientist see that time may be running out for them and for this tiny little ball of dust. Here and there I've begun hearing that the planet will not last forever and that the human species might not be as long lasting as was once thought. There are even forces at work that can literally blow Earth apart. The impact on the solar system might be profound but the universe will hardly notice.

In addition, humans have set in motion events that may have tipped the scale and destroyed the only home we have, eventually making it uninhabitable. It is the one creation that we were given dominion over and we showed what we thought of it in a few short decades. Thus is progress, enlightenment, knowledge, and power of the human mind. It's pretty pathetic.

And yet, the universe still stands unchanged by our actions. The billions of stars that hang there will still be there when we succeed in the destruction of this planet. In fact, the Bible only speaks to the destruction of Earth, not the universe.

Science doesn't know exactly when or exactly how the universe came into being. It is constantly debated. They have lots of brilliant minds studying the events from the second of creation until now. Every decade has seen new theories advance on "how it happened". And they try to recreate it in a lab! Today they think they know. But they thought so 100 years ago. Today's scientist say they were wrong back then. In 100 years, if we are still here, another batch of scientist will say the same about the current crop of astrophysicist.

I know, I'm simplifying all that science to the ridiculous. I actually like reading these things. For with every theory they only prove to me that there is a power at work that is to be reckoned with and that with all our lofty opinion of ourselves, with all our brilliant minds the only truth is that what God has wrought can only be imagined.

I think it is fascinating to discover that Pluto is merely a dwarf planet and that there are two others out there. And yet, the only thing it furthers is my knowledge of how much we don't know!

We may climb to the stars, send probes to the universe but everything we learn simply expands our astonishment. "The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork." Psalm 19:1-3 

The information presented in the following articles appears to be "new" information. Science has "discovered" an amazing thing!

NASA Scientists Confirm Liquid Water On Early Earth

Early Earth Covered by Water

It isn't a  new discovery at all!  Peter published it first. "For they deliberately overlook this fact, that the heavens existed long ago, and the earth was formed out of water and through water by the word of God,"  2 Peter 3:5  Was Peter the Einstein of his day?

Science will always make another discovery that will surprise them or that they can't explain to their satisfaction and it will constantly drive them to prove their personal theories and to force them on other people. It is, after all, a kind of religion!

"For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse" Rom. 1:20

Great is our God!

And On the Third Day. . .

I fell off the wagon last night. Yep. Had that wrap at lunch and ...well, I hate to waste those ice cream sandwiches. But I felt so good after eating one. Mentally anyway. My stomach didn't seem too happy with it though. I have to get banned foods out of the house. Just in case you all thought I'm strong and have super(will)power... you'd be wrong.

This morning I've climbed back on so we'll see how it goes. Maybe I can get farther along than a day and a half. However, I've decided I can't do this strict induction diet. I simply do not like the food and there is not enough vegetables that I do like. I don't like all this meat either! With each meal I feel a stronger aversion to meat! I never noticed that I at such small amounts of it! I don't mean all the time but most of it. Three meals of meat a day is too much!

I understand the principle and will try and eat some. I fixed two boneless chicken thighs last night. That is not a lot of meat. They seemed small without the bones but I could barely get one down. The other went in the fridge. I grilled them on my George Forman grill so they weren't greasy and it was dark meat so not dry. I hate white meat.

So, this morning, forget the eggs. 4 slices of bacon and a cup of coffee. I'm full. But I did so want my orange juice. I think I should wait on fruit juice until I get it sorted out.

I will also avoid "white" vegetables and starches as much as as I can. But Is simply can't eat all these onions, leeks, artichokes, asparagus etc. EEEEEwwwwwweeeeee! I only eat cooked onions in small portions... like that wrap. It is loaded with onions and peppers and grilled chicken and cheese. It has a breakfast plate sized toasted wrap. Oh yes, delicious! I did forgo the sour cream.

Ok. I have to get my face washed and my teeth brushed. I've had coffee but I'd truly love some juice or milk!

Oh, do you know.... it is Firday! Sue is coming to clean today. Although, there's hardly anything to do! She didn't want to dust to build up!! Gem of a woman, that Sue.

I have to say that after three days of limited carbs I am mentally a bit better. So, that is probably part of my problem there but it is too early to tell for sure.

I'd dearly love to start exercising again. I hate walking and walking alone would be just disastrous. I was crocheting last night and the house was so quiet. Suddenly, I'm in January 29, 2009 at 3 a.m. in the morning jumping out of bed and yelling for Jerry to answer me and telling him to wake up and .... it wasn't nice. It may sound crazy but I ended up dropping my work, covering my face and yelling STOP STOP STOP! Really it is like this movie reel that keeps playing over and over in my head.

The flashbacks never go away. And probably are the worst thing about it all. I can't escape it. I relieve the whole event several times a week. Thankfully, I'm usually alone. I've had it happen with someone talking to me and I usually have to redirect the conversation or leave the room on some excuse. I don't go all crazy in public. Only once in awhile someone ask me what's wrong. "Nothing."

Oddly, my stress hormones were right where they are supposed to be. I would never have believe it but I have more than enough of the "good" one... meaning that I handle stress well. At least, Dr. B said so.

I have to skedaddle now. I hope everyone's Friday is bright and sunny and stress free.

What Day Is It?

I woke reluctantly, thinking it was Friday and that if I could just get through the day I'd be all right. I took out my pill minder to start gulping down about 10 pills. Imagine my dejection upon realizing that it was not Friday but Thursday. I had two eggs and 4 strips of fried bacon. I won't do that again. One egg and two strips of bacon are plenty. I finally had to have a piece of sugarless gum. Sorry, but it only had 1 carb and I needed something in my mouth that was not greasy.

I am looking for information on the modified Atkins to see how the diet differs. Nuts are not in Phase 1 of the Atkins diet and my doctor said I could eat all the nuts I want. So, this isn't strictly the Atkins diet. But close to it. I love nuts but they do give me indigestion.

Interesting thing I found was that the modified Atkins is being use to treat epilepsy with very good results. In early studies they said  "About 2/3 had a 50% reduction in seizures after 6 months. Many were able to reduce medications." There is also another report here regarding this treatment. I found another that talked about a clinical trials of the effects of Atkins on Tourette Syndrome.

What I find most interesting about both these is that if such major disease are connected to high carb consumption then so could other diseases. And if the connection is there, what does it take to get the problem addressed. It cost more to buy foods for these diets. That logic is skewed.

Ok, enough. I may do one slight cheat today because I need a really good meal. El Charro's quesedilla fajita con pollo is a large tortilla filled with grilled chicken, peppers, onions and cheese. It is delicious. I can't see how that one wrap will throw me for a loop. And if I stick with grilled chicken at supper with no carbs I might squeak by. I'm to have no more than 12-15 carbs a day and these are supposed to come from vegetables.... I have to see. Carolyn said I could just leave the wrap and eat the insides... {sigh} I could. Actually the tortilla will probably send me over the top carb wise but I don't know if I care at the moment. I have a headache.... a sign that my body is craving carbs so {sigh} maybe no tortilla.

I do hope my blogs are not going to be a constant rant about this diet. And I am going to have to sit down over the weekend and see if I can come up with some inventive ways to eat on it. The South Beach has a greater variety of foods but I actually think it is because it is similar to Phase 2 of the Atkins. I need to do the phase 1 for as long as possible. I can tell this morning that I'm not as tired as I have been this whole week. I was when I woke up and still feel as if I need more sleep. It was hard to get up. But the mid-morning crash has not happened. Lunch might be a way to see how that one wrap affects me.

Sue will come clean tomorrow and I hope I'm feeling better by Saturday. The sheer exhaustion I've felt is just impossible to tolerate. I am losing valuable time that I need to finish some projects. I'm not having trouble sleeping. I sleep like a log once I'm down, even having dreams... that I don't remember . . . unless they are like the one on Tuesday night where I woke up at 1 a.m. dreaming a huge spider was on my bed. I jumped up, out of bed, screaming. I flipped on the light and was tossing my bed covers to see if it was real when I finally realized it must be a dream. Really upset me. It is the second such dream I've had this month. NO idea what that means.

I'm supposed to drink 6-8 glasses of water a day and I thought it would be difficult. I do drink water throughout the day and keep a 32 oz bottle on my desk. I seldom drink all of it. I bought a plastic glass with a screw-on lid and straw a few days ago and I like it. It is probably about 16 oz. Yesterday I drank 4 of those at least. I just started my second today. I'm thirstier today than I was yesterday for some reason. I don't particularly like water, especially E'ville water. I have a filter at home and they provide a water dispenser here with bottled water. So it isn't too bad.

I'm off now. We're going to lunch at 11 today so Carolyn can go to her doctor's appt.

Pure Compassion

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman
rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.

As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and
silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a
little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the
wheelchair.

Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom
makes me ride in the stroller too."

The Atkins Diet

For those who've been wondering, here is a link to The Atkins Diet and the foods that can be consumed in the first two weeks. It is a lot of food but unfortunately, spicy foods or greasy foods give me problems. And a large number of these I simply can't stand the taste of.

However, if you read the information on the why of Phase 1 it makes sense. And since my body can't process carbs well, the diet makes perfect sense to me. It uses fat reserves for food. In diabetes, being overweight is deadly and actually makes the disease worse. A diet that would force the body to use up excess fat would be actually a healthy alternative for me. I still get carbs but they have to be restricted.

Let me tell you, I'm having a problem with it. Not for the reasons you would think. I'm feeling depressed because I don't want to do it. I'm stressed because I really do hate meat in most forms. I eat it in small quantities. I've never been a huge eater. Oh certain things I could eat a lot of when I was younger. But that was not all the time. I weighed 130 when I came to Evansville. I was in great shape and worked out every day. As Jerry used to say, "I was stack like a brick cafe." All my sand was where it was designed to be. The problems began when I started college, stopped cooking healthy meals and stopped exercising. I began to gain weight, a little at a time. In 20 years I've gone up three dress sizes.

I have consumed more carbs than is probably healthy for me given my disease. I like high carb foods. I love fruit. I love bread. I love root vegetables, peas, corn, and others. A big cluprit also seems to be processed foods as opposed to raw or cooked from fresh. But bread and root vegetables will always be tabu for me. And that's hard for me to deal with right now.

On top of that, I'm feeling sick. Since there are side effects to starting it, that may be my problem. But, I wasn't feeling well before this so, not sure.

The site above is full of information that explains it all. It is difficult but probably not unhealthy in its full range. I'm in what is called induction and lasts only a short time... which stretches to infinity when you are doing it. Based on what I've read, it is designed to force your body to burn fat by reducing carbs. They aren't totally eliminated, just restricted. And for the rest of my life, if I'm going to avoid the disasters of diabetes (keep my legs, eyes, kidneys, and heart) I have to limit carbs and reduce the over production of insulin. Fat is the only thing that does that.

I remember when I had my glucose tolerance test in 2002. I had to fast. When I came out Jerry ask me what I wanted to eat. We were both surprised when I said, "Meat." That's all I said. We went to get chicken dinners. In light of this diet, it makes perfect sense. My body told me what I needed to address the sugar overload... protein. And I felt better immediately after eating it. Although, fried chicken doesn't seem like a good choice if you know how much sugar they fed me anything was an improvement.

I have a choice here. It is what it is. I can't fix it. I can elect to continue on as I have been but if I can lick it and do this, I have a shot of several things improving. I will weigh less ( I have a slew of pretty clothes packed up). I will probably have a decrease in BP. I will have lower insulin which means I may have less pain. Insulin causes inflammation. RA is inflammation. No guarantees but fingers crossed. I certainly can't feel worse than I feel right now.

Too Much Space

The following link was submitted by Melina. If you're still using two spaces after a period, you're very old school. With the advent of computers, this practice became obsolete. Scalable type on the computer makes the "extra space" unnecessary. The fonts on typewriters is not evenly spaced. So the extra space made sense. Truly the practice was simply so it was easier to see where sentences ended and began. And so you would recognize quickly abbreviations. They never had two spaces after them at all. 

Anyway, have a look at Melina's find. 

Space Invaders

Blood Work

Went to the doctor today for a review of my blood work. Yep, no other reason. This doctor does such a through job of blood work. I don't think there was a test she left out. A full profile. Four pages of stuff! I have copies.

It wasn't really good. My cholesterol didn't look terrible on the normal test but there is apparently a new test she had done. She said she had not heard of it until recently herself. My numbers are horrendous. Well, that's typical for my problems.

Triglycerides were at 397 - I've seen it much much worse so I wasn't shocked at all by that. I have been over 700 after I got a steroid and it took three years to get it below 500.

Thyroid THS 3 & 4 were just fine so that was a relief.

My D levels had dropped, despite taking the same dose the other doctor prescribed two years ago. He never checked it again. I have to take, brace yourself, 20,000 iu for two weeks, then 10,000 iu for two weeks, and then 5,000 every day thereafter. I also have to take 30 gm of flax oil three times a day and 100 mg of CoQ10 a day.

She thinks I'm not eating ENOUGH! I weight... well close enough to 200lbs to wink. And I'm not eating enough?

My blood sugar readings? Perfectly normal. Yes. Normal.

But, here's the kicker, normal blood sugar readings do not mean you do not have a blood sugar disorder. My insulin levels are way too high. Too much insulin causes PCOS. It causes inflammation in the body as well, things like arthritis, and other inflammatory disorders and fatigue. So, some of my problems of recent months that have become worse are made clearer.

You become truly diabetic when you run out of insulin... from a worn out pancreas.

So, I am to eat absolutely no sugar, no bread, no pasta, no peas, no corn, no root vegetables of any kind. None, nada. I am to eat only proteins at every meal and green stuff. I think I can have fruits but maybe not. Have to verify that.

Adkins diet if I ever heard it. She says I go back in a month to see how things are going. I do not care for meat in large quantities but she said I could eat nuts for the protein. I went to the store and bought chicken and pork chops. I love pork chops and can eat all I want within my calorie range. I don't like beef a lot. So, with no bread I'll not be eating that. I don't like steak either or pot roast. I do like a stew beef now and then but mostly the soup and vegetables so will fix that too.

I went to buy nuts, without salt if possible. I read the labels. Soy, wheat, gluten. Why? I want nuts. How hard is it to package a nut without all that junk? What is the point of it? Wheat in nuts? What tree do they grow on? The jar said cashews. Not mixed nuts. Cashews. That was the Wal-mart brand AND the Diamond Brand. I checked Planters. Just nuts. Nothing else. And I paid more for just nuts.

IF you are gluten sensitive or allergic to wheat and you thought you were getting just nuts......

I had scrambled eggs and fried sausage for supper and ice cold milk. {shrug} I'm don't feel as tired at the moment as I've felt for days.

Who knew I was a hunter gather type!

Men's Logic

The following is perfectly logical to all males.

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband returns home with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asked him, "Why did you buy 6 gallons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

The Impact of Soy on Your Thyroid

My advice here is as usual. Don't put things in your mouth that you have not investigated carefully. Long before it became food in the US, soy began as a machine lubricant. Now it is being fed to us more than you may be aware. If you are one of those who consume soy, continue if you wish but before you do, read carefully about the potential effects of putting it in your body. There are two sides to the argument, as usual.

Soy and the Thyroid
Do Soy Foods negatively Affect Your Thyroid?
Welcome to SoyOnline
Soy Foods and Thyroid
Readers Respond:The Pros & Cons Of Soy Foods and Supplements for Thyroid Patients

These are only a few of the articles. You can pick which side you want to take but if you have a history of thyroid problems or suspect thyroid problems, use caution. So, read up and make an informed decision. They are putting it in hundreds of food items and we are consuming more and more.

Inmates Congregate

Writers' Asylum Inmates gathered tonight in the sitting room to stare at the yellow walls. They're yellow to brighten the place up. No one appeared to be in charge but everyone showed up! All appeared properly sedated... or exhausted from the days activities. Pastry was served in the kitchen with all sharp objects safely tucked away. So much so that several Inmate has trouble locating a fork. . . for the pastry.

Loraine is painting. Not art...her house. So writing is, at the moment, not. She shared a beautiful photo she took of the mountains of Tennessee where she has spent her summer. She's had it blown up and ready to hang. It was lovely.

The younger set was in rare form. Cassie and Melina both were in great spirits and filled with lots of energy that the older inmates, me in particular, found charming. I am envious!

Good... no wonderful news? The Writer's Asylum is thrilled to announce that Kathy's book is on Amazon and Smash  Words for sale in the ebook for $2.99. Here's the link at Amazon: Tansy Taylor: Paranormal PI

We've all put our order in for hard copies... autographs, you know.

And now the Inmates have disbanded and all returned to their cells for the evening.

Lock the gates, Igor.

Middle of the Week

I am really not doing so well with the titles. Very bland and boring. But then, so is life at the moment. I so need some kind of break to recharge but it isn't coming anytime soon. The weather is just lovely at the moment and it would be nice to take time off.... if I had some. I had 30 hours last week available to use but I had to be out one day because of the air conditioner. So that cuts into it. I get 13 hrs a month so if I could go four months without have a problem, I'd be good.

I just got back from lunch and am dreading the afternoon. I am just so tired. I have been for a few days. I'm having problems with mild pain, dry, itchy eyes, and runny nose. Believe it or not, all but the runny nose is symptomatic of RA. My eyes were red as fire when I got up this morning and stung. I just use water to was them out with but I've had to problem before.

I've been putting all my appointments in my google calendar. I have an app with my printer that allows me to print out my schedule. I'm going to see how it works. Once I started putting them all in I was astonished. I have two calenders I use. One is the asylum calender of meetings and assignments and the other is my personal calender where I schedule everything else so I can have reminders sent to my phone and email. It is so helpful to have that feature and it cost nothing. I've not used it for work stuff before but now I'm putting that in there, too. If it means I get something off my desk, I'm all for it. I have a Day Timer planner and I like it but I suspect it is on its way out if this works. I use it but is is cumbersome to carry to all my appointments. Combined, the two calenders are packed.

I've been sold on Google calender for a while now. I don't forget appointments I put in it because I can set as many reminders as I want to be sent as many different ways as I want. SMS to my phone, email, and a pop up on my computer!

I now have several swiffer socks crocheted to give to the church to sell to raise money for the building fund. I'm going to look for some other easy crafts to do.

Oops, I need to get to work. Lunch is over!

Another Week Begins

I woke up this morning, late. My alarm was set for 6:30 a.m. but I started away at 7 wondering what day of the week it was. When I realized it was Monday I jumped out of bed to get dressed for work. I have no idea what happened to my alarm or if it went off. I was not feeling well at all and very confused. Once I got my bearings I dashed around and was at work by 8, with a quick stop at Micky D's for a breakfast. I had my OJ in my travel mug.

The day had been busy. I've managed to get all of October's files, save one, processed. I will spend tomorrow getting some interim changes done and then, I can, maybe, start November's. One can only hope.

The weather is absolutely wonderful. I've been cooped up all day yesterday and didn't realize how nice it is. I opened the windows last night and turned off the air to save some money. If all goes well, I can do that a lot for the next couple of months. We'll see. It will save me a pack of money if I can. My utility bill runs around 200 a month so not running the air will cut that by about $100 a month. Not a lot but hey, when you are looking at $5000, ever little bit helps.

I am a bit off track with things lately. I think because of all the comings and goings with my sister sick, the house full and running back and forth to the hospital and then Dave, Becca and Sarah staying for a couple of weeks. I had company for a month and once everyone was back in their own space, it hit me again how empty life is without Jerry. Sunday was just a terrible day and Saturday night was not good either. I was achy all over and felt bad but I just was so depressed, starting Saturday night, that I simply thought I'd tip over emotionally at any moment. I don't know that I'm ever going to get used to it. I never seem to. I'm very good at faking it for a short time but really it never changes.

I've said all along it doesn't get better. You simply build walls around you to protect you as much as possible. But occasionally, something breaches it and you have to rebuild it. My walls were knocked down by my sister getting sick. I was reliving things I wanted to forget. I said once I do not want to do death again. It isn't like the movies. The reality is more like Friday the 13th. Anyway, I digress. Today, I'm shoring up the walls again.

I'll be leaving shortly for home. I started this early this morning and am not taking a break to finish it. I don't know if I'll be online or not. It is so nice outside I may sit in the back yard. I haven't done it all summer!

Beddie Bye Time?

I just got back home. I left around 5 or 6 and went back over to Dave and Becca's. He was leaving to play with his band friends. He plays the drums. Becca and Sarah and I had decided to go for a swim in the pool at their apartment. The water was cold and the breeze got cooler. We only stayed about half and hour because Sarah was freezing and she can't swim so we cut it short. Next time we'll go earlier in the day. There was not another soul there so it was nice. Once dry, we went to supper and I just got in. I stopped before I came home at the drug store and saw a swim vest on sale. It is end of season for swimming. Now her mother can take her during the day, too.

Now, I'm headed for a hot shower and bed. I think I'm ready for that.

What did you do today?

A Day of Nothing

I've had a whole day of nothing. I paid bills first thing and then I took off and went to eat lunch at Burger King. Stopped at Office Depot to look for something and bought Mike's birthday present. It is September 22nd. I also bought me another one of those $4 flashlights. It has about 9 LED bulbs and is sooo bright. I now have one for my night table (hot pink) and the new one for my car (gold). They are about three inches long. Perfect to carry around in your hand bag. And believe me, you never know when you'll need one.

I also went and paid Sue for the splendificent cleaning job she did. It is why I've had very little to do today.

Next, I went to Big Lots and bought Becca a lovely lime green dish towel and two matching oven mitts. Their new apartment has lots of dark wood cabinets, brown carpet, oak table, and dark furniture so she needs lots of color to brighten it up. It really is a nice apartment and an amazing amount of storage. I delivered them.

I came home after that and wandered around in the house. I have no idea what to do with myself when I'm alone. I finished Doug's challenge.. to allow the church ladies to find a body. I'm not happy with it but it is what it is. I'll post it for my contact to read. I feel like I could have done better. I think the problem is there was only one church lady present.

I got very tired and lay down for about 30 minutes but woke up freezing. Yes, the air is working. It is only 79 outside but the humidity makes it feel 83. Still not terribly hot. I'm posting this now and will have to find something to do afterward.

And now I need to break out the crochet. I think my problem is that I've gotten off track with some things. A constant horde for weeks at a time have simple sent me off the rails and I can't seem to figure out what I'm supposed to do.

I'm going now.

Showers

At times I am overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude of such magnitude
that I am unable to express it even in writing. Tonight is one of
those nights. I do not know why, I only know it is so. I also know
that I must try.

As I dressed after my shower, the thought came to my mind that I have
always felt as if God had favored me in some way. I don't have any
idea how or why that would be so. Part of me said that it was arrogant
to think that way. I'm not special! But with that thought came
another. I understood that this is why, when things go so very wrong,
that I feel abandoned and rudderless. Where did God go? Why would he
suddenly turn away when I need him most? No answer came but what did
come was an awareness of how very blessed I have been, that, despite
my feeling of abandonment I was not alone.

I went outside to sit on the porch and watched the darkening sky. I
thought of all that I have been blessed with and found that for once,
I was unable to think of how to write what I was feeling.

From the moment of my birth there is a path of blessings so great that
it astounds me. I looked back over a life of so much turmoil that I'd
never want to live that life again. I was not a wanted child. I was an
"accident" conceived by a young woman who never thought such a thing
could happen to her and would not be inconvenienced by it. I came home
from the hospital to her parents home and never left. I lived with a
Godly grandmother and a backslidden grandfather who drank every
paycheck. They struggled to support two illegitimate children, giving
up any thought of retirement and a life of their own. There are
virtually no happy memories of Christmas or birthdays or any holiday.
Still we were loved. And there was a constant presence.

Never did I want for the necessities. I had food, shelter, and
clothing. I also had this huge family of aunts, uncles, and cousins
that loved me. I was not popular in school. I did not earn high honors
until my 30's. I was quiet among strangers and spoke only when spoken
to. But there always seemed to be people who loved me everywhere I
went. I was liked by most who met me and it was obvious. I never
understood it. It still baffles me. And those who disliked me gave
insane reasons... my hair, my clothes, my accent, my color, my
birthplace.

I practically stumbled across a husband weeks before Mama died. And he
was totally smitten with me until the moment of his death. For 35
years I had, for the most part, the life I'd prayed for. But there are
dark days throughout all those years. All the while blessings poured
in from unexpected directions, in surprising ways-odd events that
should not have happened but did, children who should not have been
born but were, places I traveled I never dreamed of, and people I met
that I can't imagine not knowing.

I had clothing, food, and shelter and knew a circle of people who
spanned the globe. And still blessings came. An income that would
help me live and even help people I loved when they needed it.

Even so, over the course of my life I have lost more than you would
guess, parents, a child, a spouse, the huge family has all but
disappeared. There have been times that I was in such a dark place
that I could not find my way and despaired of any help. But always, a
door opened and light poured in and a hand was extended. It should not
have been so but it was.

Tonight, sitting on my porch, with darkness around me I was faced with
the stunning realization that I could not even begin to count it all.
The scope of my life and the sheer volume of blessing overwhelmed me.
I could not speak words that would adequately express how very
thankful I am for all that I have been blessed with. It simply baffles
me.

I am not sorry for all that I have lived through. I've always
accepted, at times angrily, that life was not predictable and that
some times it would be hard. I am only sorry I did not live with
greater vision. That I did not see, when I was young, the magnitude
and quantity of blessings falling at my feet. I am sorry that I was
not more grateful for what I had before I lost it. Perhaps the path I
walked through the dark places would not have been so miserable had I
looked in a different direction.

I have not done great things. There are things of which I am ashamed,
things I don't even want to remember but can't forget. I have not
changed nations. I have not lead a million souls to God, maybe not
even one. I do not believe I have influenced anyone. I do not possess
great wealth, intellect, or talents but still a voice tells me I am
favored by God. I do know why I feel this. It is not something I have
always been aware of. I only know there is no reasonable explanation
for all that I have seen, for all that I have been given, for all I
have survived.

There are no words to express my gratitude. Were the world to end
tomorrow I would be able to say God has been beyond good to me. I am
so very blessed. And perhaps the very nature of God is best described
when I say that I don't know why.