Thursday, October 13, 2011

Day Off... Or Two... Whatever

I'm sitting here in Panera. I just had a Fuju Apple Salad, the half salad actually. It was very good. I cheated on my diet, which isn't news. I had a toffee nut cookie. OMS (Oh my stars!) that is the best cookie in the world.

No, I'm not at work. I took off today and tomorrow. I closed on my loan this morning. I hope it was the right decision. Time will tell. It is a 15 year loan. I had only 10 years left on the other loan but in the long run, if I can continue to make the same payment, I'll pay it off just as soon but save a bit of money.

Why did I take the day off? I don't know. I just realized that I wasn't going to be able to take any time off for the rest of the year other than the paid holidays at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I volunteered for this ML position with NaNo and my sister is slated for surgery on the 31st. I have several things that must be done but somewhere in there I forgot me.

Actually, I've felt better this week because I'm getting much needed sleep... not enough of it but more and better. So, I'm a bit more alert, particularly in the afternoons. So, I thought, while I did feel better, I should make the best of it and take what I'm given. I can go back to work tomorrow if I want but I don't think I will. Maybe. I have to go get those back xrays anyway so probably, I'll do that.

At the moment, things are quiet. I need quiet. I've decided that my life has actually gotten more complicated rather than less. I have always been a person who like quiet. No parties, fancy gatherings, social engagements, clubs, etc for me. I liked being with my family, with Jerry or alone. Now I find myself filling up time with things to do, places to go, people to see. I look for ways to squeeze in to every minute. That way I don't think much. I don't sit staring at walls, into mirrors, or at photographs. I'm not introspective. When I crochet or sew I don't have memories jumping out at me. When I am working I don't have time to ponder my past. If I have somewhere to go I'm not wandering around the house looking for something that isn't there.

And I don't like any of it. Oh, I enjoy the craft stuff a lot. I like my writing group. I like church. It isn't that these things are unpleasant in themselves. It is just that they are just fillers. You... I don't feel as if I'm living life. I'm just filling it up with stuff, getting through another day.

So, what am I doing today? I went to the bank at 9 and was done by 10. I came home, played a game on the computer for 2 hours, paid a couple of bills, read emails and blogs. Then I realized I had not eaten all day and decided I better do that. I loaded up the computer and headed to Panera where I have consumed the aforementioned items and here I sit. Small booth I picked is not terribly comfortable and it isn't quiet here. The staff are cutting up and laughing on the other side of the wall. Still, it isn't unpleasant. I don't actually want to leave.

The writer's meeting is tonight at 6:30. I'm glad although lately the group has been small. I know that three of them will be there, maybe 4. Melina is, of course, away at college until the holidays. Cassie says she'll only be by for an hour. Kathy, Loraine and Doug say they'll be there. So will I. I believe Kathy is bringing the cake tonight, the wickedly triple chocolate from Sam's Club. Decadent.

I have to get a plan for Nano. I'm making plans now for the plotting and planning meeting. No idea what I'm doing there, not being a good plotter. However, I find letting people talk about their ideas helps. And often others can offer insights. So, that's scheduled, tentatively, for the 22nd. The 28 is the Meet & Greet here at Panera. That's my birthday, too. A celebration of sorts. Note to self: remember to get name tags for that night. I'm hoping Panera is dead that night and we have plenty of room on the off chance 50 people show up! Fortunately I'd spread it out over two hours. Plenty of time to chat and eat and leave. Be nice to have a real room but there are just not that many places here that offer such facilities. Maybe, if we can get an established, consistent group we can make better arrangements but I'm not going to make huge plans for a uncertain number of people.

All right, I need to move on now. I need to head home. It is going on 3 p.m. and the living room must be straightened before the inmates arrive.

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