Monday, August 15, 2011

Another Week Begins

I woke up this morning, late. My alarm was set for 6:30 a.m. but I started away at 7 wondering what day of the week it was. When I realized it was Monday I jumped out of bed to get dressed for work. I have no idea what happened to my alarm or if it went off. I was not feeling well at all and very confused. Once I got my bearings I dashed around and was at work by 8, with a quick stop at Micky D's for a breakfast. I had my OJ in my travel mug.

The day had been busy. I've managed to get all of October's files, save one, processed. I will spend tomorrow getting some interim changes done and then, I can, maybe, start November's. One can only hope.

The weather is absolutely wonderful. I've been cooped up all day yesterday and didn't realize how nice it is. I opened the windows last night and turned off the air to save some money. If all goes well, I can do that a lot for the next couple of months. We'll see. It will save me a pack of money if I can. My utility bill runs around 200 a month so not running the air will cut that by about $100 a month. Not a lot but hey, when you are looking at $5000, ever little bit helps.

I am a bit off track with things lately. I think because of all the comings and goings with my sister sick, the house full and running back and forth to the hospital and then Dave, Becca and Sarah staying for a couple of weeks. I had company for a month and once everyone was back in their own space, it hit me again how empty life is without Jerry. Sunday was just a terrible day and Saturday night was not good either. I was achy all over and felt bad but I just was so depressed, starting Saturday night, that I simply thought I'd tip over emotionally at any moment. I don't know that I'm ever going to get used to it. I never seem to. I'm very good at faking it for a short time but really it never changes.

I've said all along it doesn't get better. You simply build walls around you to protect you as much as possible. But occasionally, something breaches it and you have to rebuild it. My walls were knocked down by my sister getting sick. I was reliving things I wanted to forget. I said once I do not want to do death again. It isn't like the movies. The reality is more like Friday the 13th. Anyway, I digress. Today, I'm shoring up the walls again.

I'll be leaving shortly for home. I started this early this morning and am not taking a break to finish it. I don't know if I'll be online or not. It is so nice outside I may sit in the back yard. I haven't done it all summer!

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