Friday, August 26, 2011

And On the Third Day. . .

I fell off the wagon last night. Yep. Had that wrap at lunch and ...well, I hate to waste those ice cream sandwiches. But I felt so good after eating one. Mentally anyway. My stomach didn't seem too happy with it though. I have to get banned foods out of the house. Just in case you all thought I'm strong and have super(will)power... you'd be wrong.

This morning I've climbed back on so we'll see how it goes. Maybe I can get farther along than a day and a half. However, I've decided I can't do this strict induction diet. I simply do not like the food and there is not enough vegetables that I do like. I don't like all this meat either! With each meal I feel a stronger aversion to meat! I never noticed that I at such small amounts of it! I don't mean all the time but most of it. Three meals of meat a day is too much!

I understand the principle and will try and eat some. I fixed two boneless chicken thighs last night. That is not a lot of meat. They seemed small without the bones but I could barely get one down. The other went in the fridge. I grilled them on my George Forman grill so they weren't greasy and it was dark meat so not dry. I hate white meat.

So, this morning, forget the eggs. 4 slices of bacon and a cup of coffee. I'm full. But I did so want my orange juice. I think I should wait on fruit juice until I get it sorted out.

I will also avoid "white" vegetables and starches as much as as I can. But Is simply can't eat all these onions, leeks, artichokes, asparagus etc. EEEEEwwwwwweeeeee! I only eat cooked onions in small portions... like that wrap. It is loaded with onions and peppers and grilled chicken and cheese. It has a breakfast plate sized toasted wrap. Oh yes, delicious! I did forgo the sour cream.

Ok. I have to get my face washed and my teeth brushed. I've had coffee but I'd truly love some juice or milk!

Oh, do you know.... it is Firday! Sue is coming to clean today. Although, there's hardly anything to do! She didn't want to dust to build up!! Gem of a woman, that Sue.

I have to say that after three days of limited carbs I am mentally a bit better. So, that is probably part of my problem there but it is too early to tell for sure.

I'd dearly love to start exercising again. I hate walking and walking alone would be just disastrous. I was crocheting last night and the house was so quiet. Suddenly, I'm in January 29, 2009 at 3 a.m. in the morning jumping out of bed and yelling for Jerry to answer me and telling him to wake up and .... it wasn't nice. It may sound crazy but I ended up dropping my work, covering my face and yelling STOP STOP STOP! Really it is like this movie reel that keeps playing over and over in my head.

The flashbacks never go away. And probably are the worst thing about it all. I can't escape it. I relieve the whole event several times a week. Thankfully, I'm usually alone. I've had it happen with someone talking to me and I usually have to redirect the conversation or leave the room on some excuse. I don't go all crazy in public. Only once in awhile someone ask me what's wrong. "Nothing."

Oddly, my stress hormones were right where they are supposed to be. I would never have believe it but I have more than enough of the "good" one... meaning that I handle stress well. At least, Dr. B said so.

I have to skedaddle now. I hope everyone's Friday is bright and sunny and stress free.

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