To Much Thinking

I'm trying to figure out why, with all the busyness going one around here, that I can't keep my feelings upbeat. I have all these really great people I'm related to, associated with, acquainted with... whatever. They send me lovely notes, funny jokes, and even hugs. And I feel like crap.

No, really, not sick but just annoyingly sad. Every single thing in my life has this overlay of sad. Yes, everything. All the colors are muted by this film of sad. Do you remember seeing books, usually anatomy books, that had these pictures of the skeleton and these clear overlays with different organs and layers of the body. First the internal organs, then circulatory system, neverous systems, muscles, ligaments, dermis... If you do you're really really old. But that's what its like. All this underlying good stuff, overlain by this grey yuck called sad.

Maybe I'm over thinking this. Godliness with contentment is great gain. Well... duh! I have no quarrel with the godliness part. I try really hard. Haven't attained perfection yet. We're all in a hurry to get there without really considering what that means. Once you're done here folks, you're done! So, take your time with the perfection thing, do it right the first time.

No, its that contentment thing. Maybe that's overrated. I have no idea what it looks like really. Sometimes I think I might have clue but I then find I was mistaken. And I keep asking myself, have I always been discontent? Has there always been this habit of seeing everything with that grey film? I don't remember!

I keep saying, to myself mostly, that life was meant to be enjoyed and I need to do that. Well, I'm glad I'm not dead. Does this count?