Friday, November 11, 2011

Funky Friday

I'm eleven days into NaNo. I haven't done today's word count and I may not. I've been doing fine but tonight is the first night I've had alone in oh, three weeks. My sister felt well enough to go back to her house tonight. She's doing much better after getting more rest. 

But I realized as soon as the house got quiet that I'm really tired. I've been running on full speed for a while and maybe I've just run out of gas. I don't know. I've been in a funky sort of mood all day. When I'm like this I'm my own worst enemy. I say too much, think too much, and I listen to everything I think. I know. That makes no sense but I understand it. 

My mind is moving at a tremendous rate which is somehow very interesting. If you've read over my blogs you know that my mind has been pretty much out to lunch for a while. But not this last several weeks. It seems that the doors have been opened and the windows throw up and lots of light, in the form of thoughts, ideas, and totally impossible schemes are just pouring in. 

I don't KNOW what that means.  And no, I have no idea what precipitated it. I've learned in my astronomically short life not to questions the good things. Take them for granted. By astronomically I mean my age when compared to the life of stars as opposed to my age compared to yours. We're both pretty  young my way. I'll take as much clearheadedness as I can absorb but it is almost overwhelming at times.

Does darkness creep in or lurk nearby? You know when I even write the word I see it. I can feel it. Darkness. The inscribed word takes on a feeling, a presence, a form. I've described it other places in the blog. Suffice it to say, I know darkness intimately. And the answer to the question is yes. Once it has been a part of you, it always hang around. At the moment, he's over in the corner biding his time. Sometimes he touches me. It is not a loving touch. I have a healthy respect for it because I know that one wrong move and it can envelope me in smothering folds.

Why am I writing this post? If I had the answer to every question I'd have nothing to wonder about and lots of money.  I'd be on a beach in some island hideaway soaking up Vitamin D by the gallon. 

I don't know. It seemed like a good thing to do. I told you, funky mood. All day like this. 

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