Having a Ball, Wish You Were Here

The dog is barking across the way. I can hear him, even with all the windows closed. I suppose they are leaving him out now. I've heard him several times recently. The house is quiet and dark. I had toast to eat and then a cinnamon bun Mike got Sunday. I've had it wrapped in plastic for him but I decided to eat it. He won't mind.

I do not want to do anything but go to bed. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of waking up at 3 a.m. unable to sleep. I'd never get through the day if that happened.

About 3:30 p.m. I went for a soda. Came back to work and had a horrible dizzy spell as I was hanging up my coat. Had to lean against the wall. Took a bit of time to pass off and then I felt bad. Can't explain it. Just bad. When I got home about an hour later I checked my bp and it was 154/98. I know it is high. I take meds. An hour later it was down to 149/84. Not enough.

I'm badly depressed tonight. I was yesterday as well. The sun is shinning somewhere but not here, not for me. And I do not have a way to fix this. I'm beyond the point where I think there is a way to fix it. I do not enjoy my life this way. I do not look forward. I do not look up. I see only the path right at my feet. It is a yawning chasm. Carolyn thinks my vacation will cheer me up.

It isn't one day. It is every day. Smiling, laughing, talking, going through motions that are meaningless and so very exhausting. I come home so very tired now. Never rested, never refreshed. I can hold out for about 2 hours before I need to lie down. Only you can't lie down in an office where there are no closed doors allowed. So you push past it, stay in motion. You don't stop until you get inside your house and then you sit down. And you can't get up again. You can't do dishes, sweep, make the bed, pay the bills, do your taxes, or remember what pills you took.

There is no one to come home to to listen the day I had or fix my supper or curl up next to and feel wanted, needed, and loved. I can't fix it and neither can anyone else. I feel lucky if I wake up and can hobble to the bathroom. I'm freaking 53 years old, not 93. I can't move most days without hurting. I can't read, sew, crochet, or do puzzles without agonizing pain the next day in my neck. Today my hands are hurting. My knees hurt. I can't put my elbow on a table because it feels as if there is a broken bone in there. There isn't. Tomorrow, something else will hurt. I will get up and if I'm very lucky, I can actually walk upright to the bathroom. I... am. . . tired.

I took a nap yesterday and I was dreaming of Mama. My leg hurt and I was telling her where it hurt. She was trying rub it for me. I woke up. My leg hurt. Mama wasn't there. No one was. There was nothing I could do except get out of bed and walk. I was still tired. My leg still hurt.

I'd like to think there is a silver lining, a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I'd like to think there was even a rainbow. Not today.

Yes, this is depression. It is a lot of things. Depression, frustration, exhaustion, aggravation, indignation, agitation all rolled into one big ball. I'm having a ball.

Black Monday

Off to work in a second. Sun is brilliant if the glaring white curtains are any indicator. My mood is dark and I do not want to leave my house. I have no choice.

I'll be out of touch all day. Unless I come home at lunch.

By now you've all seen the videos of Sarah's special mail. I overlooked a card in the package. Sarah had eyes only for the monkeys and the envelop was put on the table. Since it is a heart shaped card and today is Valentine's day, it will be perfect to give it to her and read it. Thank you Jilly, from both of us.

One, Two, Three...

And so on. I've been crocheting on the sweater. Not sure where it is going but I'm going to keep it up. The first one is the tricky one. After that I'll work out where the bugs are. Actually, I'm quite pleased with the way the collar turned out and now my brain is working on getting the body made and attached to the collar with the sleeves to follow. One step at a time.

I have not written in a couple of days but I'm headed for a shower now and plan on doing some afterward. Sarah has been here for several hours but she is not feeling well and will probably not spend the night. I'm o.k. with it because I'm really a bit under the weather myself. I think I'm getting that cold that they have been passing along at work. It's pretty bad. Everyone had to get Z-paks for it. I don't want it. I'm going to try and get some much needed rest and head it off. I hope.

And for the moment, that's pretty much all my news.

Sarah opened her princess mail and was tickled. I did get it on video and will have it up a bit later. I don't' want to give away the surprise.

I never did go over the writer's meeting. I'll give you the summary I sent out to the non-attendees.

Greetings Inmates:
Those inmates in attendance know what happened but this is to share a bit with those unable to join in.

The revival meeting of the Writer's Asylum went splendidly... in my personal view. It was wonderful to see friends, old and new. The remodeled appearance confused some old timers. Cassie thought she was lost. I think Kathy may have as well but she covered it well. Cassie on the other had a deer in the headlight look when I opened the door. I forgot none of you have been around since the building project happened.

Once the greetings were done, we started off by reading part of Chapter One of something Loraine is working on. She admitted she was nervous but she handled it well. She also chose well for her first critique. Although it was a short piece, as we planned in advance, it worked in her favor...leaving us wanting to read more.... always a good sign. She did good.

Doug shared his opening to a short story he is working on. A good opening as well. He had us standing over a bleeding corpse with bated breath wondering who was next.... well, I was....

I shared my "300 Words a Night" challenge. Apparently it was funny because everyone was laughing. I will be looking a bit more closely at it. Doug feels it will come in useful somewhere.

Cassie shared the results of the challenge she issued at Panera bread last month, also causing laughter over the antics of her inebriated duo.

We discussed a variety of writing issues and ideas to keeps us writing.

Next meeting is on the 24th of Feb. at 6:30 p.m. I've already set up the calender and you will get a reminder a week before and probably a day before. You can view the calendar if you need to get a list of dates and times. Just let everyone know if you have a problem. Remember to send out your submission the week before so we can pour over it. Kathy is up for critique next.

I know the email is boring but the meeting was a lot of fun. And as usual, you all left me with lots of ideas! And a bunch of warm fuzzies to keep me company.

Critique Schedule
Kathy
Doug
Cindy
Cassie

And there you have it. I'm due for that hot shower now. Everyone have a lovely night. The sun shone today but I stayed in all day. I'm really rather tired and hope tonight will be one where I get plenty of sleeps. Watch for the video of Sarah opening her mail.

End of the Week from The Banks of the Styx

It is over! Finally over and gone. I don't have to go back aboard until Monday. I can wander around on the peaceful shores of Elysian Fields and relax.

I liked mythology, both Greek and Roman, when I was a child.... what can I say.

I'm tired. I'm going to shower and then write. Maybe I'll be back. Not sure.

A Quick Good Morning

I'm about to head out to pick Mike up and head for work. He is supposed to sell plasma today. I have a Landlord's meeting this afternoon. I haven't done one in a year I think! Actually since Oct of 2009 because of the software conversion and assorted problems with work.

Then at 6:30 I have a writer's meeting. By 8:30 I'll be falling down. So, this may be the only post I get today. I hope you all have a really great day and that the sun shines wherever you are. It is shining here but not sure how long. It snowed all day yesterday so I'm grateful, even it is is a freezing cold 8 degrees!

Stay warm!

Oh, at the moment, pain is low! I didn't take a Tylenol last night because I wanted to see if things have calmed down. The shoulder was better and I think putting that cart under my desk for my keyboard has helped.

Ok, more later! Got to dash!

Midday Musings

The sun is out... yes, it is. I see it through my window. I even see some blue sky up there. I wish I could go home and open the curtains. I also see a few snow flakes! Not sure what that is about.

I put my keyboard on the rack I found last week. I still don't have a board cut but the keyboard tray with the wrist rest is longer than my rack and so it is working for now. Still need the board and I'll get to it but it hasn't been a priority. I'm hoping it will stop the neck pain I'm having.

I told myself this morning I was not going to come in and have a melt down over any of this junk. I'm really just worn out today. I went to bed earlier and found I was still sleepy when I got up. My guess is that this constant fatigue is part and parcel of the fibro or CFC. I'm hoping not. I'm hoping it is just stress. But even when I'm not working I feel this way.

I'm still planning on the sugar fast. Did I mention this already? I can't check from this location. I'm talking myself into it slowly but it is coming. I'm going this weekend to buy some natural juices that I can substitute for sweet drinks. I already drink diet drinks and use artificial sweeteners but I think I need to come off those as well. I am going look for Stevia. They say it is a good natural sweetener without the risk of artificial sweeteners. I've got some information that connects sugar to inflammation and so I have nothing to lose by trying it.

Honestly, I just love good old fashioned cooking but it is too much to cook like that for me. Give me black-eyed peas, collards, turnip greens, mustard greens, corn bread, sweet potatoes... good grief....I'm starving already just writing it! Put ham in any of those and serve the corn bread on the side and you got yourself a poor man's feast!

I'm going to lunch soon with my friend, Loraine. That will be a pleasant break in the day. For now, I will leave you all with good wishes for a good day.

Painful Start

I had to do some neck stretches when I got up. My neck was hurting so bad. I am going to have to call the Dr. R. back to see about some kind of shot. I'm not dealing with it well. Not to mention the sky is so gray.

I am hoping that today will not be another stressful day at work. Yesterday it was terrible. I do have a lunch date today with Loraine. She's one of our local Nano'er's and will be joining our writing group on Thursday night. So that will be a nice diversion.

I did not get the 300 done last night or Sunday. I was in so much pain and so tired I had to go to bed. I was in bed before 11! Had no trouble sleeping unless you count the depressed state of mind I always have when I go to bed. And when I woke up the pain was mainly what I had to deal with.. that and wondering when that independently wealthy thing is going to kick in...

I'm finishing breakfast now and will head out in about 10 minutes. I hope everyone has a good day.

Gone are the Gossamer Skies

Another Monday dawned and I was confronted by leaden skies and a falling mist of snow that seemed to melt on contact. The temps have been fluctuating around freezing with no consistence. I am a mass of aches and pains and depression. Truly I do not wish to be in this place.

It was another day of having the PTB yell for me across the hall to fix a problem. I explained the issue half a dozen times and he still didn't get it. Ultimately what he wanted was me to just say "Give it to me and I'll take care of it." I didn't. Neither did anyone else.

It defies reason for anyone to have a job that pays roughly $50,000 a year and be unable to understand it, answer questions about it, or even solve a problem.

I have decided to go on a sugar fast. For those who know me, this is not easy. I watch my sugar intake most of the time but when I am like I am now, I make no attempts to control it. Stress, depression, frustration, aggravation all take a toll. Still, I have to do something to attempt some kind of effect on this inflammation that keeps me in pain. So, I have to get rid of all my goodies but there aren't many and there is the writer's meeting on Thursday night. That will help and it will be a nice break in the week.

I did go to church last night with Sarah. I told my aunt tonight that "Aunt Kate" is in my back seat all the way to and from church. Aunt Kate was my great aunt, sister to my grandfather ( he and my grandmother raised me). Aunt Kate was a very large woman. She was tall, like most of the Browder clan. But she was large. Best cook you can imagine. And she could belt out a song that could be hear a block away. Mind you, it was good singing. Every church meeting I ever went to where she was in attendance, someone would get up and say, "Sister Kate, will you sing for us?" Of course she would. She loved to sing.

Sister Sarah gets in the car and says, "Put the Jesus CD on Mawmaw." I do. That little 24 pound tot can belt out a song, let me tell you. She sings to the top of her lungs. And she does pretty good. There are 30 songs on that particular "Jesus CD" and she knows a lot of them and if she doesn't know all the words to each one, she fakes it and carries on. It is highly amusing and quite joyful. Before long, Mawmaw is singing, too. Mike won't sing, although he can and pretty good but he won't. I thought last night I wished that the video camera would work in the dark. I may record it anyway next time because you could probably hear her.

I'm headed off now. I have to write my 300 a night. I missed last night because I was really not well. Tonight, if time permits I may try and catch up but I'm not forcing it.

I'm in a funk. Starting Monday's the way this one did is not an auspicious beginning to the week. I'm hoping that this is the bottom of the hill and it is all up hill from here. My luck, I'll pull a calf muscle climbing.

Long Days

The days are lengthening but I don't seem to enjoy them any better at the moment. I'm so tired and my back has hurt all weekend. Sarah has been here since Saturday afternoon but I've had long days so I'm really in need of rest.

I was planning on taking her to church tonight and it is the only time she really gets to be with other children in a group setting. They have children's church on Sunday night and she likes it. So, I wanted to take her. I should have taken a nap earlier today but didn't.

Not sure there will be 300 words tonight either. Just got a lot of pain issues and sitting even doing the blog is not a pleasant experience.

I'm off now. Maybe for an hour I can relax and see if I feel better.

Just a Moment

I'd like to know what PTB assigned me the duties of a super without the monetary reward? I'm so annoyed today. Putting out fires that are not MY fires and leading the PTB around by the nose all morning has simply screwed my work up. I'm now behind. Why do we need a super when said individual does NOTHING!

O.k. I've had my moment.

Back to the breach.

A Gossamer Sky

The sun is shinning in Southern Indiana today. The sky is a lovely

blue with gossamer clouds drifting on the air, air that nearly

sparkles in the intense cold. After the gloom of the past months it is

odd to see that colors seem to be more vivid and . . . present. Even

the bricks of the old Welborn hospital across the street seem an

unusual intensity of tan. One would almost feel hopeful... if one were

not such a pessimist. Well, you know I am. Still, it gives one a nice

feeling of euphoria to look out of a cold, dark office into the

sunlight of a new day.

Was that maudlin enough? I hope so. It was very difficult to write.

I find myself on the edge of my seat hoping that the groundhog did not
lie this year. If he was a smart creature he stayed in his burrow
during that horrible storm. If he came out during all that mess just
to see his shadow, well, I just hope he froze to death.

You do know that all that groundhog story simply means if Feb 2 is a
bright sunny day of good weather, winter will continue another six
weeks. Whereas, if it is a day of gloom... and snowstorms it should
arrive practically on time, which is at least six more weeks... until
March 22... the spring equinox to be exact. When it is supposed to
arrive. Sooo...

I've slept better the last few nights and feeling a bit more rested.
That or I'm coming out of the flare at last. I've had more joint pain
and my back was also acting up. I think the back is the result of poor
posture. I'm going to purchase a tray for my desk at work for the
keyboard. At home, I'm trying to sit more correctly when working at
the computer or with the crochet.

 I started another swiffer sock last night for my friend. I haven't
told her yet. It will be  pink and white since that is the prettiest
colors I've done so far. I should be done with it by  Friday if I work
an hour or so a night. That and the "300 a Night" challenge are
keeping me occupied enough I don't notice much else. I watch t.v.
shows while crocheting. Yes, you can... I also read while watching
t.v. but not recently. Both my sisters do, too. Don't know why we can
do it, we just do.

The sun is higher now, the wispy clouds more intense and the blue a
bit brighter. It is an hour later than when I started this. I have to
start thinking about lunch soon. Carolyn has already asked what I
wanted to do. I've no idea. Thursday is usually our free day, meaning
we don't really have any place in mind to go. Lately Bob Evans has
been a choice. They have delicious cheesy baked potato soup. Fried
bacon and scallions scattered on top. MMMM, sounds good today!

I've been getting post updates to my email and that is quite nice now
that I can't see them online at work. I do try and comment to but that
feature wants to take me to the sites after I send it so not sure it
is working. But nice to read anyway.

My office is freezing. Each time the door opens a chill breeze wafts
in and settles around my ankles. We are not allowed to close our doors
because the PTB are concerned we would be doing something unethical.
Only think I could think of would be sleeping. I crack mine to within
an inch and today, I've closed it twice. It is just too cold in the
building and particularly on my end. My boss doesn't like it and he
knock if he come in either, just pushes it open. I told one of my
co-workers

The day has moved along and the sky is still lovely and sharp. We had
Chinese buffet and it was really good. I love cabbage egg rolls, the
kind with a thin crispy crust. Sooo good. I worked a couple hours and
we took a break, which I just came back from. All together I've
written bits and pieces of this post through out the day during short
breaks.

I do hope everyone is snug and warm and having a lovely day... or evening.

Cut Off!

I'm a bit annoyed. Only a bit. They have effectively shut us out of all "social networking" sites. I can't get to Multiply while I'm at work. Well, I can't get to the site. I can post via email, as this post proves. I'm unable to go in and read everyone's posts and comments and post from the site. I suppose I could get those emails that give me all the posts and comments but that is a lot of email gumming up the works.

Well, they don't pay me to do that, you know. So, I'm fine with it... just a bit annoyed. Suffering withdrawal all day. It was a nice break in the day to read a few posts and even write some. Tonight it will take forever to go over everything. I have that challenge issued by Doug to contend with, which came out o.k. last night, if a tad boring. He's read it and of course found all these twists and turns I didn't see. He suggested, in jest I assure you, a romantic ghost story with a sappy ending. That dog won't hunt. But he did have some interesting ideas he tossed out. I have not read his attempt but he did write and about the same as I did.

So, since I'm cut off from the outside world I shall slave away here in the mines, working for the MAN. I always wondered what that meant. I've decided it is Monstrous Administrative Nazis. I shall return home in about 30 minutes and see what you have all been up to today. Then, I must start my crochet sweater and write 300 words.

Driven, that's what I am. Driven.

A Challenge for Me

My lunch with Doug on Monday ended with a challenge posed by Doug. We are to both write 300 words a day until our meeting on the 10th. That's 3000 words in 10 days. Not a bad goal and not overwhelming, which I think has been a problem for both of us. So, I did my 300 tonight. Here it is. Please remember this is a work of fiction. There is no resemblance to any persons living or dead. And no, I have no idea what it means. Seems pretty useless at this point.

Maddie Walker stepped back and tilted her head to one side, studying the arrangement she'd just placed in front of the tombstone. The brilliant colors of the silk flowers glowed in the sunshine, almost blinding her. They were a nice foil against the white marble. Her eyes caressed the stone, tracing the black letters, one by one. They were daggers that scored her heart. For the billionth time she wondered if that would ever stop and decided not.

Stepping forward, she leaned down and traced the name carved there, gently rubbed the top of the stone as if she were ruffling someone's hair. Sighing, she turned to leave.

Across the drive that wound through the grounds were more headstones of varying styles, sizes, and age. She halted when she noticed someone standing beside a grave only a few rows in. Very seldom did she run across anyone at this time of day. It was a large cemetery but it seemed as if people no longer felt it necessary to honor their dead.

Continuing toward her car parked in the row of slots beside this section, she kept her eyes on the man who stood with his back to her. He was tall, long legged, with broad shoulders bowed as if a great weight rested there. She knew that feeling. Her eyes slid to the grave. It wasn't fresh. She glanced back at her own anchor. One never got far before feeling that pull. No matter where you went, what you did you could always feel it, tugging at you.

Pulling open the car door, she took one last look at the lone mourner. He was gone. She look around. There were no buildings nearby, no trees, no large monuments to hide behind. Nothing. Slowly, she turned in a circle, searching. She was alone.

A silk flower blew across the road and came to rest against her foot. Bending down, she picked it up. She always liked yellow roses. Yellow was for remembrance.

It's Raining, It's Pouring

Ain't no body snoring! I'm at my desk. Just came back form lunch with my friend, Carolyn. The rain is coming down steadily. I long for a comfy chair and a warm blanket with a cup of hot coffee or cocoa with my feet on the ottoman and the curtains pulled so I can watch it rain. It won't happen.

I've decided I want to be independently wealthy.

Yes, I have.

No, I did not say it was going to happen. I said I decided I want to be. I'm sure you will agree it would solve all my problems. Well.... most of them. Probably create a few along the way as well. I think I can deal with that.

I do not have a headache today but I didn't feel too well when I got up. I was so sleepy and my hands, knees, feet, back, and neck were not friendly at all. I'm less tired than I was but then I got quite a bit of sleep compared to usual. I went home and slept two hours . . . did I already blog this somewhere? I should try and go back to my 10 p.m. curfew. I had a period where I was doing that and I did really well with it.... got up earlier but I was feeling a bit better I think.

I'm so looking forward to Spring! I need sunlight again. I can always tell. I'm sorry, you can't put that in a pill, no matter what you do. I'm going to look for some of those special lights I think. If I put them in the rooms I'm spending most of my time in, it would probably help a lot.

I've been reading the blog of a fairly recent friend. I met Loraine through NaNoWriMo two Novembers ago. This year, we chatted in the NaNo chat room quite a bit and recently got together with some other Wrimos for an informal get-together. Now, I find she is quite funny without trying. The PTB have invited her to join our Writers' Asylum group and she will be joining us. I'm giving her Wordpress blog link here if you are interested. I particularly refer you to the October 2010 and November 2010 posts. One is about an incident in her bath and the other a dinner conversation. I found them truly funny. The Doctor & His Wife

I should be doing something, I'm sure. I'm just killing time finding "stupid work". That is stuff that doesn't require a lot of effort or brain power but is legally what they pay me for.

Yep, I've decided to I want to be independently wealthy.

{sigh} It's a thought.

Monday Flop

I came home at 3 with a headache. I've had it most of the day. Had lunch with Doug and thought the food would help but it didn't. I got worse. Once home I put on my p.j.s and went straight to bed and slept until 5:10 pm. I got up and at supper.. grits and a cherry preserves on small biscuits. I bought those biscuits by mistake. They are about the size of a half dollar but actually, for me, three is all I need.

I did have a nice chat with Doug and we've settled on a challenge to get us writing again. He's been given notice that his job will be gone in the Spring as the result of a corporate buy-out. Do say a prayer for him. He has four children under the age of 14 and his wife only works a part time job. It is going to be very difficult for them if he doesn't find something. He's in telecommunications so I don't know what the market is like here. I would hate for them to have to move. Doug and his wife have become good friends and I need all of those I can get.

I did take my Imitrex but I'm not a great deal better. I still feel sickly. I'm going to bed soon. The weather here is iffy. They don't predict any ice or snow here until maybe tomorrow. I went to the store because I was out of milk.... happens with impending storms. Actually was out over the weekend and forgot to get it. I picked up breakfast things because I was out of that too and some fruit and a veggie tray. And I picked up a drink called Naked. Health drink with fruits and or veggies in it. Becca keeps telling me to try carrot juice.She bought a Jack LaLane juicer last year and used it a lot at first and now she's back on it. She got really sick for a while with her blood sugar and says she's doing better drinking the carrot juice.

So, I told her I'd try it. I like juices but I'm not very motivated lately. I can't begin to say how tired I am. I have come to realize that working takes nearly every ounce of energy I have to function. By the time I get home it is almost too much. I don't have a solution since I am not independently wealthy and the small pension Jerry left is nowhere near what I earn. It simply allows me to remain solvent. So, quitting my job is not an option.

What I've found is I'm good for several hours after which I need to rest for a couple of hours. Then, I'm usually good for several more. But working, I don't have a way to break that up and as a result, I'm not recovering so quickly. I've tried to help myself by getting other people to do things like cleaning the house for me but it is hard to find good help. Becca's mom moved away. Becca is in school and hasn't time anymore. And there are few people I trust in my home alone. So, I don't know. Hiring a service would be far more expensive that I want to pay.

Anyway, I'm going now. I think I will take my computer to bed and watch a movie. I bought the Prince of Persia and want to see it. My neck and shoulders are just killing me tonight. I'm doing some things I think are aggravating it. Since I moved my desk at work the keyboard is too high and I can't lower it. I need a keyboard tray but the one I had won't work on the opposite side of my desk. And I need it there. Don't say ask maintenance to fix it... won't happen. I may find me a wheeled stand to slid under my desk, that might work, not sure. I can purchase a clamping keyboard tray for about $100 and will probably do that. Easier than dealing with the strain.

Ok, enough. I'm getting off here. Stay dry, stay warm, and wear grippers on your shoes!

What Follows A Sunny Weekend?

A gloomy Monday, of course! The sky is overcast but we did not get the projected rain. It could be tonight but I'm hoping this one will pass us by. I can deal with snow but the ice is no comparison. It is far more dangerous.

I am going to meet Doug for lunch today and I scheduled a writer's meeting for the 10th. I'm a bit tired of waiting for everyone to get it together. I have four or five people who want to meet up and I'm just going to do it. Doug emailed back and said he was glad I had done it because he needed it, too. Then he suggested lunch. I jumped on that. One thing about Doug, he is funny and sets my brain in motion. We can talk about writing and maybe I'll do more than sit in my chair when I get home.

I downloaded a sweater pattern over the weekend for Sarah and I'm going to attempt my first crocheted garment. We'll see how it goes. Then nice thing about crochet is it is so forgiving. If you make a mistake virtually no one will see it and you can always pull it out and start over! I haven't done a garment before so this will be a bit of a challenge. I used to be up to challenges.

Biggest drawback is my neck. I have a terrible neck ache after making some of those swiffer socks. Not sure if I need stronger glasses or light or what but I've got to work on the posture.

I'm off for now. Been working on this off and on for 45 minutes.

What Happened to the Snow?

I melted but here's the outlook for the next three days. Bleak, I tell you....
http://www.14wfie.com/story/13935925/wintry-mix-headed-to-the-tri-state-on-monday

Winding Down the Weekend

Found this in my drafts and do not know why I didn't publish it. Probably because it seems unfinished. But since I can't go back and what I do say is important to me, here is it.


I don't know about you but Sunday afternoons are the hardest for me. I have the realization that I must go back to work tomorrow but I also feel so tired from all I've done that it is just a daunting thought.

Sarah and I had a fine time and she is napping now. Must get her up soon but getting her quiet is always a feat so the thought of waking her up is a bit hard to handle.

I've posted a few photos of her in her new pajamas, jumping around the den. And in her Sunday Go To Meeting clothes with her hair all dolled up. Of course, after a ride to church and rubbing her head around, her hair is not quite as chic. That's why I take the photos before church.

I also have a few videos that will be up later. They take time to upload and then, you may have to watch them tomorrow! Annoying but too true.

I've really got to find a way to put these video on a dvd and keep them. It is nice having them here but I think someday Sarah might like to have a keepsake, when I and the blog are gone. It is the kind of thing I wish I had of family and of Jerry. Of course, she could probably care less but just in case.

I spent most of the weekend avoiding thinking about Jerry except for the time we went to take flowers. No one does that but me. Mike goes with me at times. I know Jerry is not "there". But we both held similar view about this. People should not be forgotten. And a trip to the cemetery is not a chore.

For me, and for Jerry, it is a gesture of respect and love. We both hated not being where we could visit our parents graves. He had talked about going home in the summer and visiting his folks grave. He so loved his mother and it was very hard on him when she died. The weekly calls to her meant so much. Not being able to visit that grave was painful for him. And were I the one in the ground, you would find him there every moment he could be there. So, while I do not go as often as I know he would, I go. Mike goes. I take Sarah because I want somehow to instill that same respect in her. People, people you love should not be forgotten.

Day of Mourning

End of a Long Cold Week

I'm here at last. I'm exhausted. My cold is hanging on. I had diarrhea all afternoon and last night. I felt so bad I did not get Sarah but my sister had her for a bit so that was good. I sat and watched t.v. and crocheted another Swiffer sock for Becca.

She now has three different colors to use. I'm going to make some for my friend Carolyn. We were talking about the sock the other day and she said she used a Swiffer and that she has a cotton sock that you tie on. The one I have I think it better because it is stretchy and slips on and is reversible. So I'm going to give her a couple.

Good news... my vacation was approved!



Now, I have to buy the airline tickets. I'm really excited about this. I think it will be one of the most exciting things I've done in a long time. I loved my overseas trips in the past. I love seeing new places. I've got to get money sorted out, too. Must call the bank.... And I want to get a really good camera!

I actually have from May 28 through June 12 off work so I just have to coordinate where I will be and when and how!

I'm at work and must get back to it. Just wanted pop in and give the news.