Friday, March 28, 2008

Is There Anyone Out There?

Do you ever feel as if you are standing in an open field and all around you is absolutely nothing and on the horizon you see roiling black clouds that are quickly overtaking your position. Lightening bolts slash and slice across and through them and strike the ground beneath. You feel the electricity in the air and a strong wind carries the sent of ozone. A terrible storm is approaching.

You know you must run and warn others of what is coming and yet, you can't move. You feel as if you are so far out into this wilderness with no means of communication that will be effective and you want to shout a warning to the top of your voice but it becomes completely lost in the vast surroundings in which you find yourself. There is nothing you can do to stop the coming storm. No one can hear you and if they could, they wouldn't listen.

As I study the candidates for this election and as I study the things happening in my world, in my country, I feel a coldness creaping up around me. It is portentous and insidious. A storm on the horizon that will bring destruction. I am left with a feeling of desolation and futility.

Hogwash! you say. Negative thinking, Cassandrian attitude, doomsayer. Perhaps. I don't know but too much of what I am finding is very frightening. And I find that the fears are not so much for myself but those surrounding me. I look at loved ones, people I like, people I respect and even people with whom I have a passing acquaintance. And I am terrified for them and horrified at their blindness. Can't they see what is right in front of them? What, just tell me, what can cause such ostrich behavior!

Why are we silent? Why do we fear to speak? Is it because we fear being labled a fanatic? A lunatic? I suppose they are valid fears. For many, they already bear the lables but they continue to warn, they continue to scream and yell that there is a storm coming. And yet, the vast majority looks at them, if they even see them, and shake their heads in scorn or misplaced sympathy. There goes another one of those weirdos.

I try not to think about a lot of things because frankly, I can't change a single one of them. I can't fix morals, values, ethics, or behavior. So much that needs fixing and I. . . can't. . . fix . . .it. If you knew me, you'd know why this is the absolute, most frustrating thing that can happen to me. I want to fix it. Someone needs to fix it!

But everyone, EVERYONE, is blind. A small group who sees and knows the storm is coming is standing in that vast wilderness and they are screaming at the top of their lungs, as loud as they can, their voices straining, veins bulging, eyes protruding. Screaming for the safety of those who neither see, hear, or feel.

The Watchmen are calling out. For God's sake, no, for your own sakes, LISTEN!

The storm is approaching! Seek shelter NOW!



Thursday, March 27, 2008

Gotcha!

I think I have a cold. Sore, scratchy throat, so hoarse I can hardly speak, stuffy nose, beginning of a cough. Yes, I think I've been caught.

Language is just so facinating. Why do we say we "I caught a cold"? I mean, does anyone go out and chase one down? And once caught, do you just gulp it down so you get immediate contagion?

"Why are you breathing like that?"

"I just ran four blocks to catch a cold."

"Oh, so you're already feeling it, huh? How's the nose?"

Sniff, sniff. "Still clear but I think if I eat a bit more I can get it really stuffed up, maybe even get a headache and fever."

I don't think so.

I'm the one who got caught. It snuck up on me, too. I thought it was an allergy because it started like one with just a slight stuffy nose and scratchy throat. Today, I feel lousy.

Sneaky little imp.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I Can't Complain... well, maybe just a little.

I've been pretty negative lately and I don't like it much. I suppose that is the nature of pain. It brings out all the worst in us. I apologize to anyone I have depressed and stressed and annoyed by my persistant whine tasting sessions. Really, I do.

I don't know if anyone who is not experiencing pain can really grasp what it means to have unrelieved pain for which there seems to be no pill or recourse. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthiritis about 4 years ago. Actually, the doctor I saw was wishy-washy about it but my primary care doctor had already done the blood test and it was positive. So, I changed specialist and the next one, also relucant, did confirm the original test results... with a caveat that other diseases can mimic RA. I already knew this from my research. (Side effects of a history major are propensensity for research.)

She further concluded that while I do have a mild case of RA, she suspect that the pain I am experiencing is related to fibromyalgia, an elusive disorder that appears for no known reason, strikes at random in the body to cause inflamatory pain. No cause, no cure. Until a few years ago, this particular disorder was considered imaginary. Sufferers appear perfectly healthy on the outside, if you exclude the strained smiles, wrinkled foreheads, tense postures and stiff movements.

Really, if I want to keep it hidden, I can but once out of sight, it is normal to breakdown and cry with pain or just suffer in silence. For example, my right calf muscle frequently feels like a torn muscle that makes it extremely painful to walk. I limp. Someone ask, "What's wrong with your leg?" I reply, "Nothing, just hurts today." They walk on and have no idea that I would rather be crawling down the hall than put my weight on that leg.

The pain in my neck and shoulders is continous, with brief lulls in the severity. I suffer from TMJ and migraine headaches, both of which are symptoms of the disorder. I have had TMJ since I was in my twenties and migrains began in my 30's. Muscle pain in my late 40's. It is a progressive disorder. I do not sleep well and disrupted sleep is thought to be a common problem. Too little sleep and pain escalates which in turn causes you not to sleep.

I did aerobics for a couple of decades and road a stationary bike. I was very active and weighed 70 pounds less. I could move furniture alone. I painted my home, hung dry-wall, replaced floors, toilets, sinks, refinished old furniture, sewed, crocheted, wrote, and took care of my family while I attended college full time in my 30's. Once I graduated, I went to work. I work 40 hours a week. I can no longer do any strenous work for very long and I can't think. And that is the worst side effect of all.

They say exercise is one of the best defenses of the problem but you hurt so bad and are so tired it is a herculean feat to accomplish it. A treadmill puts me in tears after 30 minutes. And I so miss exercising but I cringe at the thought of an aerobics routine.

Now, what to do. There is no known cause. There is no known cure because you can't cure something you can't define. There are medicines to take. They usually don't work. I am taking an RA medicine now and an antiinflamatory. I take Previcid to combat the stomach damage caused by the anti-inflamatory. I am also insulin resistant and have high blood pressure. I take meds for both those. I take a muscle relaxant to help me sleep but it causes severe dry mouth and I can't take if for more than a few days at a time. I take a medicine for migraines when I have them and another medicine that helps me sleep. That medicine has limited effects after a week. There are some new experimental medicine. I won't take them. The RA med has potentially lethal side effects and some pretty scary non-lethal ones, one of which is blindness. I am sick enough already and don't need any more symptoms.

I still have pain. I still don't sleep. I probably should quit work but I am the primary support for my family so, that is not going to happen. Well, not unless God gives me a few million to retire on. So far, that hasn't happened. I'm hopeful but not optimistic.

So there you have what all the whine is about. It goes down better with cheese but my humor is not up to speed at the moment. Still, for everyone who has dropped a word of sympathy and concern, it is so very appreciated. Sometimes, just hearing someone say something nice is the best medicine there is.

I promise to try and be more upbeat. The weather is changing so maybe some sunshine will cheer things up a bit. I am looking forward to sitting in the sun and just relaxing for a few hours on the weekends. I do know how to relax but finding a comfortable position is the problem.

Tomorrow is one day shy of the week-end. We have rain at the moment. This means in Indiana that spring is at the door. I hope you all have a lovely weekend wherever you are.

My final words: God is good. All the time. In the good, in the bad, in the happy and in the sad. And in the midst of great suffering, he is closer that your skin. You just have to open your eyes.

Blessings and good wishes to you all.

Over the Mountain

It is Wednesday and like the bear who went over the mountain, all I see is the other side of the mountain. Paperwork is piled around me in stacks of varying height. I have folders, and faxes, and mailings. Oh my!

It has been a long week and I was off one day of it! My pain levels have been high for a couple of weeks now. Sleep has been another problem. I decided to ask my doctor the next time I see her if she will order a sleep study. Something is wrong because I just can't get enough rest. I don't sleep soundly. I wake several times a night to reposition so I can stop something from hurting. I can't lie on my side because on the left the shoulder hurts and on the right the hip and leg hurts. I can't use a pillow because my neck hurts. I can't lay on my stomach for the same reason, well and because I am a "D" and it is impossible to sleep uphill. The end result is very little recuperative sleep. I'm beginning to wonder how long I can continue to function with the way I currently feel.

A lady here today said, "You should be able to draw Social Security." I am astounded because I have no choice but to work. I can't survive on about $600 a month! At least, not at this point in my life. I've lived at that level before and it is no picnic.

So, I will just keep pounding away in the mine and hope someone will give me my life back. The other day I realized I now understand why some very ill people are not afraid of dying. You can actually reach a point where the thought of rest or no pain or sleep, any kind of sleep is a blessing. I'm not ready to die but I am very tired of living like this.

Got to get back to work. Break is over.

Friday, March 21, 2008

A Short Tale of Blessing

Sometimes you have to let people know that God is still doing good things for people. Not because they don't know but because for the most part, we don't hear much about how good God is but rather, we hear how God is responsible for all the bad that happens in the world.

For several years now, I've been supporting what amounts to three households. Mine, my son and his wife, and an unmarried son who lives with us. We've had car troubles times three, job troubles times three, grocery troubles times three, utility troubles times three, illness times three.

My job is not the end of the rainbow, folks. My husband and I could live reasonably if it were just the two of us. But how many parents are going to see their children do without something it they can help. We all need a car and a job and food and a place to live. My kids are extravagant and wastful with very little money to start with. I know this but when the lights are about to be shut off or there is no food in the house, I am required to do something, if only by my own conscience. They are my children, any character flaws are probably partly my fault. You don't have to agree.

When they are sick, I have to buy medicines. If they need clothes or shoes, I have to help. I grew up fairly poor because my grandparents raised me on social security and child support of $60 a month. My grandfather worked but he drank up any surplus he had after Mama paid our living expenses. I remember commodities with canned meat, powdered eggs and milk and cheese. We gardened. I had flour sack dresses as a small child. Hey, back then it was pretty material and people baked their own breads. God took such good care of me through other people who provided beautiful clothes and sometimes food and even my grandmother's medicines. I would be truly unthankful if I did not give back some of that blessing. So I do more for my children than I should.

The consequences have been that I've had times in the last six years when I had money problems that caused me a lot of stress and I've done without some things I needed for myself. Thankfully, I have good health insurance and a steady job and my husband has a small VA pension and medical care. So, we've survived.

Even before I got my job, in fact, since my sophomore year in college in 94, we struggled with more debt that we could handle that resulted from two years unemployement and waiting on the VA to get his pension. Family sent money here and there when they could but we nearly hit bottom a few times. And there was no housing assistance or food stamps. We had to make it alone. A second mortagage gave us enough money to consolidate debts and temp jobs kept us above water, barely. That extra debt didn't go away once we got jobs. It was one more bill to pay. We struggled to keep from drowning until this last year.

God blessed us by letting us get the house refinanced just before the real estate market bottomed out. I might have gotten a cheaper rate today but I would not have been able to refinance because now, the values of homes has spiraled downward.

During all that time, I have always paid my thithes. There were times when not paying them seemed the better choice but I made a promise that when I got my first job, as long as I earned a dollar, God would have his portion and more if I could do it. I've never backed down from that. And the first two years I worked at my current job, I added $25 every two weeks to my tithes because I had promised God I would if he gave me the job. I had promised to do that for one year but I felt so blessed that I continued for a second year. But hard times came in the form of a teenager who got in trouble. So the extra just wasn't there.

I realize all this may mean nothing to you if you are struggling. The bitterness of hardship lashes out at such tales with "why not me?" Believe me, I know.

I can only say that God has been so very good. He has put people in my path who made my way easier at times. He has opened doors and coffers to fill needs. Not every issue is resolved easily and sometimes something doesn't get fixed. At times, I can't buy something I need. Groceries at times are a problem because I may have to feed six of us for a few days. But we've not gone hungry. The lights are paid, although it has become more difficult here. And we've cut down on going anywhere but to work or to church twice on Sunday.

Today, as I paid my bills, I realized that there has been a little money left over lately that allowed me to start paying down on the few credit debts we have left. I will be clear of one in 60 days and that money can be applied to the second one. I found my student loan payment has dropped to 1/4 of what I was paying. I have no idea why! but I paid more than the minimun, just as I have always done. If God continues to help, I will be able to clear that debt in 12 months... after more than 10 years of trying to pay it off!

In January I got a raise. We get cost of living increases in my job, not that they are anywhere near the cost of living! At the end of the January, during Sunday night service, I felt prompted to give an offering equal to the amount of my raise that month. That's $50. I hesitated about a minute because I debated doubling it. But I stuck with the $50. That is what it cost me in gas each week.

I don't believe in the so called prosperity doctrine. I don't believe that the more you give to a church or a tele-evangelist the richer you will get. BUT I do believe that God takes care of his people. I believe that if we give to God what he asked of us, he will give us all he promised. There may be times we have to struggle but David said that "I've never seen the righteous forsaken or His seed begging bread."

I can promise you, I've never gone hungry but bills have gone unpaid for a time. I always pay my debts but there have been times when it took a little time. I have had to struggle. I have been afraid. And I have cried over my situation. But it is days like today, when I can't figure out what happened to my bills that I am reminded that God is working for my good.






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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Rain

There is something about rain that soothes the soul. I'm not sure why. Something about the sound of the crystal clear drops splattering on a sidewalk or running off the eaves of the house is just the most beautiful sound in the world. I never grow weary of it.

My grandmother used to tell me that it wouldn't rain in heaven and there would be no storms there. I'm sure for someone nervous about storms this was a comfort. But as a hurricane hardened child, I was very saddened by that news and when I prayed, I would often tell God that wherever he put me, I hoped there would be rain and thunder and lightening once in awhile. Streets of gold are all well and good but I suspect that gold won't be slippery enough to do a really good slide if it isn't wet. And the smell of grass is not nearly as sweet as it is after a summer rain. The air of a hot summer is only freshened by a quick thunderstorm that you can smell half an hour before it arrives.

For me, sitting in the dark watching heaven throw flaming arrows at the earth is the most exciting contest I can imagine.

It is one thing I miss most about my Southland. We have wonderful thunderstorms that charge the air with excitement and electricity. Just standing on the porch during a storm with the air sizzling from a lightening bolt and feeling the force of the thunder against your chest and the explosion in your ears gives you a physical impression of raw power that you can get nowhere else and survive. If you aren't cautious, you won't survive that either.

Tonight it is raining. For me, it is one of those nights when the sound of the rain brings a coolness to fevered thought, a freshening of the spirit, and a cleansing of the soul.

Turn your face up to the heavens and let the rain fall.

Just When I Was Feeling Better

You know, sometimes it doesn't pay to read the paper or watch the news or well, read anything at all! I was getting my feet back under me and along comes another domesdayer.

Can We Really Run Out of Food?


I need to just shut off everything, phone, cable, internet, subscriptions, etc. and find a place in the woods where I can grow my own food and live off the land. Sounds good to me.



Photobucket

No Blue In Sight

Gray skies, nothing but gray skies. Gray skies from now on.... Well, it feels like it. Rain is falling. Does rain do anything else? Lately, not much but once it falls, it just sort of lies there. The ground is saturated and I'm beginning to feel as if I'm watching a lake form around my house. Fortunately, I live on high ground so, I'll have plenty of warning if it gets too bad.

I have to say I am having a really bad bout with pain. My back, from my neck to my ankles. feels as if I have been beaten with a stick. It feels just like I am bruised all over. It isn't funny but my butt and upper thighs are probably the worst. I"ve never had pain in that location of this type except when I started doing squats to strengthen and tone that area. I can assure you, I have not done that for years.

This pain thing is just insane. There is no rhyme or reason and no way to predict where it will strike next. If it wasn't so miserable it would be fascinating. I test areas to see exactly what hurts and how it feels and I am always surprised by what I find. But it really hurts.

My husband told me today I needed to see the doctor and get something for it. I looked at him and wondered where he's been for the last two years. I said, "There is no sense seeing a doctor. I am already taking everything they know to give me. It doesn't work. There is no medicine, no cure, no reason, no understanding in regards to this. Until a few years ago insurance wouldn't cover it because it "didn't exist" except in the patient's head. It can't be fixed or repaired or managed."

He looked at me as if I had just sprouted two heads. I'm not sure if this isn't the first time it has really registered that I am really hurting and it is not going to go away. Well, not unless God heals me. And I don't think my husband really gets it yet.


Monday, March 17, 2008

What is St. Patrick's Day?

I was a bit surprised when Riete told me she had no idea what St. Patrick's Day is! But when I think about it, perhaps a lot of people don't. So, I've provided a a link to the History Channel website with the interesting details of this Irish American holiday. We don't take off for this holiday, by the way. It is more of a tip of the hat to our Irish roots... well, those of us who have them.

St. Patrick's Day

An Irish Blessings

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Hope you have a grand St. Patrick's Day.

Well, the Irish do have a great way with words. I believe it is called the Gift of the Gab. I've been told I have that gift, too. I found lots of blessings and prayers. I love this one,
If God sends you down a stony path,may he give you strong shoes.

I could celebrate St. Patrick's Day but since I don't drink beer of any color, it may be difficult. I didn't wear green today and I am too sore to dance a jig! Since I am of Scot-Irish-German descent with little bit of Cherokee I imagine there are several holidays I could celebrate but I have no idea what they are. I'll have to google and find out.

Today is my maternal grandparents anniversary, or would be if they were still alive. I've always had a fondness for the day for that reason.

How will you celebrate today?



Saturday, March 15, 2008

Soap Story

I've slept and my sentiments have not changed much. The compassionate responses are appreciated, of course, but I suspect I've gone beyond the reach of rational thought.

But there is something theraputic about making soap. My husband saves the soap slivers, actually still big enough to use but hard to handle when wet. The cache had become so big I was going to toss them last weekend. He stopped me and said he wanted to use them to make a bigger bar. We've done this before and it works very well but I haven't done it in a long time. Tonight I decided to try it again.

I've had Sarah most of the day and after I took her home, I got the slivers out and put them in a bowl. I must remind anyone who tries this to use a glass ovenware dish. Melting soap is hotter than you can imagine. I forgot this rule tonight and had a small puddle of soap and plastic on the bottom of my microwave. And the bowl was one I've microwaved in before! Wear at least platex golves for handling it. It will still burn if you get it on your hands but it is managable. Getting it melted is a pain because it doesn't all melt at the same time and for some reason it foams rather than melting like wax.

Once you get it soft, add a little water but not to the hot dish, which will also be hotter than you think and will shatter if you add cold water. I put it in a pan and used a metal spoon to mix in a little water. You have to really brake the soap into small pieces and it is best to do this before you start. I didn't. This is probably why it didn't melt very consistently. After finally, getting most of it soft and coated with water I lined a cake pan with wax paper and dumped the mess in. I covered it in the same and used another cake pan to press it. I needed more water. I started over.

I then dumped it all in a plastic zipper bag when it had cooled enough to handle safely. I added a small amount of water and began to smoosh it all around in the sealed bag. Be sure and let enough air out to be able to do this. Then, I began to press it into the bottom of the bag to form a loaf shape. I rolled out all the air and rolled the top of the bag down to compress it further. It is sitting in the kitchen to cool and it will probably be a couple of days before it dries. But I will have the equivalent of two bars of Dial soap.

For those worried about germs. Believe me, the heat of melting soap will actually raise a blister on your skin if you don't protect yourself. Nothing could live in it.

I would also recommend trying this in a double boiler with a smidgen of water in the soap. I think the melt would be more even. You could even add purfume if you are so inclined. As long as it won't conflict with the scent of the soap. I didn't try this but with the slivers I used, there wasn't much but a soap smell.

So, I burned my fingers slightly, created something useful and conserved on soap and money. And my kitchen smells of soap. Better that than the garbage. I have polish sausage in the oven and I am going to have the baddest dog in town.

Tomorrow is Sunday. Maybe it will be a better day.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Chaos Reigns Now

I'm not sure where all my drive went. Perhaps it drove off and left me. The faint of heart need read no further. I am absolutely certain there is something in here to offend everyone. I believe in equal opportunity annoyance.

It has been an absolutely crazy week that started off with a Monday and got steadily worse. The one bright spot was that my boss let me leave an hour early today. The week was so dreadful that, on my way home, I was wondering what that gift of an hour was going to cost me in the long run. Very negative of me, I know, but that is the kind of week it was.

I was told this week that I have a harsh tone but that I do hold people accountable for their actions. My response was, "It is what it is." If the rule says, "Don't" then you don't. If it says, "Do" then you do. As Yoda said, "There is no try. There is only do." Now how hard is that!

I've been thinking about it and remembering the quiet, southern girl who smiled a lot and grew up around very dedicated Christian people who laughed a lot and loved everyone. Where's the girl who was friendly to stranges around the world? I wondered when I got so very hard. I can guess but let's just say the last 15 years have been my own personal hell and has given me a hard outer coating, kind of like an M&M but less sweet. Who I "was" is trapped somewhere inside. The continual irritants I face daily have created the hard shell as a means to protect the inner heart, mind and soul of me.

See, I am sick to my core of the poison oozed by some people. I am disgusted by rude behavior. I have no tolerance for social ignoramouses, ingrates, and ignorant leaches who suck the life out of those extending an hand to help them. I am more than annoyed by whiners who do nothing to help themselves and inflict their misery on everyone they come in contact with so that a hand will be extended which they can then suck on to refresh their energy to whine a little more.

Sometimes, I'm not surprised by all the calamity that befalls the planet. We are a worthless lot bent on our own destruction in an effort to satisfy our insatiable lust for pleasure. And we don't care who we have to walk over to get it.

I am certain that my opinion comes, partly, from the fact that I work in a job where I see rules broken every single day. I hear one lie after another, told in an effort to steal from taxpayers who work extremely hard for their dollar, of whom I am one. I see political appointments and hires that make one wonder what were they thinking!

And it also comes partly from a planet where all the above people live! I am sick of criticism of the decisions every person in authority makes, no matter what party they represent. THEY'RE ELECTED, people, if you don't like them, maybe we can get a dictator next time? Don't worry, that's coming.... sooner than you think.

I am disgusted with amoral leaders who lie to their constituents or expect those of us with slightly higher standards to excuse or "forgive" their getting caught with their pants down. And I am doubly sick of media who milk misfortunes for everything they are worth and then rehash the destruction for days on end. They are like vultures picking the bones of thed dead.

I realized that I have conformed in a way to my surroundings. I have transformed into a person who despises a lot of people because there is no integrity, no truth, no honor and precious little dignity. I speak without sympathy to people who lie to my face and they know I know they are lying but am powerless to stop them. I am disgusted because there are those who think they are deserving of respect simply because of their religion, their sex, or their color and yet they are disrespectful to every person, every ethic, and every value they encounter but deny me the right to respond. I mistrust a lot of people simple because the majority of those I am in contact with and read about and see on television are little more than theives. It is a sad state of affairs and one for which I have relized there is absolutely no cure. And I despise that fact most of all.

We are standing at the brink of a great catastrophy for which we will not find a solution. We seek the answers in the "goodness of mankind", who has shown time and again that there is no goodness in us. We pontificate with pat answers. We write books about god being us, we have power, we are our own salvation. And those are the ones who would have organized religion destroyed because they disagree with their philosophies.

Then those, such as I, who believe in a single deity we call God, are mocked and ridiculed and accused of starting every war in history but we are also usually the first burned at the stake! Or we go out and start a war in God's name! No religion is sacred and only one is true and it depends on who you ask because there are no longer any sacred text unless they appear on Oprah!

And we continue to spiral out of control.

Am I the only person who sees things getting worse rather than better? The environment is a mess, energy cost are skyrocketing, prices are skyrocketing, diseases are becoming untreatable, new strains of bacteria are resistant to treatment, people are nastier than ever and have no tolerance for one another. Perverts are growing faster than weeds. There are wars and rumors of wars. There is hatred, malice, perversions, strife, etc.

Chaos, folks, is in charge. And he is Hell on wheels.

When you see these things come to pass you will know the end is near....


Monday, March 10, 2008

Joke of the Day

I love "kid" jokes. This was so cute I had to post it.

A Thoughtful Teacher

After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at
the kitchen table, eating his afternoon snack, when he
blurted out, "Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I have
any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."

The boy's mother replied, "That's nice of her to take such
an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you
are an only child?"

She just said, "Thank goodness!"

(From the Good Clean Funnies List (gcfl.com)

Sunday, March 9, 2008

No Voy

No, I did not go to church. Shoot me, please. I've laid on the couch and watch Mythbusters blow things up. It was sort of cathartic.

No, the knees don't work, ankles don't work, bottom of my feet refuse to support me, headache coming and going, shoulders in knots and lower back sore. I have no idea what is going on. Surely cleaning the oven is not responsible for all this. I didn't even do it all at once. I did it over the course of 8 hours. I sprayed cleaner and left it. I came back and cleaned the door. It wasn't done so I sprayed again. I waited a couple of hours and returned to clean the door and sides. I sprayed the bottom again because it looked like a swamp --too many pizzas I guess. Hours later, I returned and did the bottom. Looks great and much easier than I remember them. The irony here is I have a self cleaning oven and have never used the feature. I don't have time to figure it out. I just bought stuff for self cleaning ovens. Stupid, right?

Actually, I recommend cleaning an oven this way. During the lulls I did laundry and moved furniture. {Hard smack to the head here}. Could moving furniture do this? I actually remembered this as I wrote it. I did move stuff around, no real lifting, just pushing and scratching an already horrendous floor. I don't care anymore, you see. It's never clean anyway. Sarah played while I cleaned and I would stop to sing and read a story. She is such a joy to be around.

Anyway, that's how it went. So maybe I did this to myself. Yea, that's probably it. God hates a clean oven and house so as punishment, I get a semi backed over me.

Whatever.

You know that multiply posting feature I mentioned, they have fine tuned that thing even more than I realized. I can actually pick a single individual on my contact list to allow access to a particular post! That is just too crazy! How neat. When did they do that?

I also did a neat thing on my Blogger account. I added a translator so now I can be read in eight languages! I'm global! Right. Who the heck cares.

I'm gone. I have a flexiril calling my name. Work might not be pretty if I don't take it.

Four Letter Words

Pain. Yes, really. It is a four letter word that is creative in its ability to allow the recipient to create other four letter words. Of course, it is also a word that can result in bodily harm to anyone surrounding the recipient.

Migraine headache, RA, and fibro picked today to party. My husband came in from work at 6 a.m. and I though my son would take him to church. He can't drive himself because he worked all night and will go to sleep at the wheel. If someone doesn't go on Sunday mornings he never gets to go to church. My son didn't want to go and I had to get up and get dressed and take him to church. Believe me when I say this is a feat worthy of a gold medal or two. When my husband saw the shape I was in he asked me what I wanted to do! I said, "Die." Maybe I already have. I got dressed and hobbled like a 90 year-old to church. Since then, I've been told twice I don't look so good. How nice. So very tactful of folks. Do you know how hard it is to smile and say, "No, I'm fine." when you feel as if you've been hit by a car and backed over? Guess. Finally when a third woman ask if I was all right, I said, "No, it is not a good day." Hey, I never lie. As in true Christian spirit, she beat a hasty reteat with a "Oh, sorry." tossed across her shoulder. I'd have laughed if I had not wanted to cry so bad.

Some of you will be getting notice of relationship changes as my contact. I am utilizing the lovely multiply screening mechanism so I can post more personal information for my nearest and dearest. I did this awhile back and since then, I've added a few people without selecting and it chose for me. Some I just never bothered with. But now, I have too many unsecured openings to post some family stuff I want to post and they won't be pleased if I broadcast some things to the world. And I may just want a bitch session that I don't feel like sharing. Happens. So, these changes will allow me to make certain post specifically for family and people I know personally amd for those times I want to share something with everyone.

No, I'm not booting anyone unless you want booting. If so, you have a way to do that on your end. I promise, if you feel that strongly, it won't hurt my feelings. Today, there is no one big enough to do that.

I've stopped posting as much lately. Frankly, I am re-evaluating my place here and on every other blog. In fact, today I'm re-evaluating my place on the planet. But where the blog is concerned, I've been considering whether to just blow the whole thing off and get back to real life. However, I've learned to not make any decisions when I am in this much pain. so it will have to wait. I started blogging to force myself to write and it worked. And I caught some friends along the way. There are bonuses to blogging. I just have lost sight of it.

I'm on my way to bed and it is only 1:30 p.m. here. The sun is shining and water is pouring off everyting. The snow is melting and it is warmer, 41 degrees. But I'm looking for a bed and something that will knock me out so I don't feel anything for several hours. Church starts at 7 but I like to get there by 6:30 for the prayer room. My feelings are that should I miss that tonight, it will not bode well for anyone tomorrow.

I hope you have a great start to the week. If any of it spills over, toss it this way. I'll need all the help I can get.

Unless I can find that pill. Now, where did I put that bottle....

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Bits and Pieces

Several bits and pieces here. I've posted the next chapter in the Hidden in the Mist saga. For those reading it. I don't think anyone but Alice is but that's ok.

Also, Cajun Girl posted today that Patrick Swayze is dying with pancreatic cancer, a very painful way to die. I find this terrible. In all the inteviews I've seen him in, he always is so well mannered and seems like such a very nice guy. I've never heard of any scandal or bad behavior either. How very sad that someone who seems to have kept his career on track and his life in order should have his life cut short.

I am still wanting to go to the Women's conference that Skeeter has mentioned on her blog. I was checking it out again today, and I want to go. If you are interested in such things, check her blog for the link. There are three in three different states so you may have one near you.

Any of you ladies who plan to go to the Illinois conference, please email me. It is November 13-15 and I will probably take off that Thursday early and drive over. My plan is to find a room at the Hampton Inn (free breakfast and clean rooms) in Marion. That is 16 miles from Benton, where the conference is held. I'm less than two hours away. I'd love for us to meet face-to-face and get to know each other better. I am taking my daughter-in-law because she never gets to go to thise kind of things now and she likes them.

I am taking off the Monday after Easter Sunday. I HAVE to have a four day weekend alone. I thought it would be a day alone but I found today that my husband is also taking off and so, it will be just another day at home. It will at least have a four day weekend.

Not sure what everyone else is doing. Not many post lately from the masses. But then, I've been busy, too. I hope you all have a lovely weekend. We are, again, supposed to have snow. When will it end!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Who Am I?

I saw this on Alisone's blog and thought I see what I ranked. Not bad but the negatives sure make me sound like a school teacher!











- October 28 -
You are very independent and don't care what others think of you. You are genuine and romantic. You love the outdoors, travel and the arts.QuizGalaxy.com
Positive Traits:
a leader, willpower, self-confidence, originality, stamina
Negative Traits:
cold, unfeeling, workaholic, domineering, obsessive

'What does your Birthdate mean?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Monday, March 3, 2008

A Good Monday Morning?

Is there such a thing? I truly didn't want to get up this morning and come to work. It is a rainy day and the weather has turned ugly - rainy and cold compared to yesterday's sunny 70 degrees. On rainy days, I want to be curled up in a cozy corner with a book.

I've been away from here for a bit, except for changing the look of things when I get bored. I want to respond to a couple of comments on the post prior to this last one, the one regarding Sunday morning. A several people made comments and I found them interesting, although not very surprising. I am thinking about my response carefully because I want to take each viewpoint into consideration.

I haven't been writing much either. February was a short month where it was too cold and dreary to get anything done and I was sick for about two of the four weeks anyway. However, spring is in the air and the days will steadily get warmer and sunnier. I hope the allergies don't present a problem but we shall see. I am going to put out weed killer BEFORE they take hold and see what happens.

Does anyone but me find time a problem? I can remember getting numerous things done and having plenty of time left over. Now, there seems to be no time to complete anything and I am always left with something hanging unfinished, never to be completed. I hate that.

I won't get much done today or tomorrow. I have a doctor's appointment today and a dentist appointment tomorrow. A check-up and a cleaning. Still, boring. Loads of work to do before lunch. They won't let us take our lunch out for doctor's appointments. I've decided that I will start trying to set all my appoinments on the same day so I won't have to miss an hour here and an hour there. Stupid if I only need an hour and could use a lunch hour and save the sick time for those days I am actually sick!

You know, I just noticed that several people have left my contact list but they didn't even say so long. How rude! As far as I know, I didn't do anything to them but to just leave without a good by. Anyone ever tell you that it was good manners to speak to your host if you are leaving the party? I added people who requested to be added. I didn't go seeking them. Oh well, Mama always said you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

Now I shall get back to work. I'll try and catch you all later!

Friday, February 29, 2008

A Walk Through the Orchard

Al and Joe took were neighbors and were in the habit of walking each day after work along the road next to the orchard. They each had their own path but sometimes their paths crossed. They would speak politely but walk on. It just so happened that one day they met along the road and fell into step. From that day on it seemed they were always walking together and so it became a routine they both enjoyed. Aside from their daily walk, they seldom saw each other.

Early one Saturday morning they got to discussing how lovely the orchard looked with it’s ruby red apples among the green leaves. Joe stepped into the field to the nearest tree and looked up. “What a wonderful apple. It is the prettiest red I have ever seen. I bet it is so sweet and juicy.”

Al moved to get a look. “Well, I don’t know. It looks all right but you can never tell. I think the apples that come though my plant are the best looking in the world.”

“You work in an apple plant?” Joe looked quizzically at Al. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, it’s a fruit and juice plant but I am an apple inspector. It is my job to inspect every apple that comes through the plant to insure that only the best apples are allowed into our packages or juice.”

“Apple inspector? Wow. You mean that if it doesn’t pass your inspection, it won’t be in the juice?”

Al pulled his shoulders back, hitched his belt and sniffed. “Yep. That’s the way it works. It is my job to make sure the bad apples are identified. Bad apples are dumped.”

“So, what do you look for?”

For a minute Al pondered. “Well, we look for bruising, cuts, scars, color, and bugs.”

“Hmmm. Well, all these apples look fine to me.”

Al shook his head. “You can’t tell just by glancing at the tree. No, you gotta examine it real close to find any flaws. I mean, you can’t find scars and bruising just by looking at the tree from here, now can you?”

Joe hesitated and looked the tree over. “Well, no, but why would bruising, scars and cuts be on he fruit that is still on the tree? I mean, I would think that would only happen in storms or if the fruit gets knocked off someway and lands on the ground. But even then, it might still be good to eat. If you don’t mess with the fruit it won’t get bruised up. Fruit on the tree just needs to be picked and eaten.”

“Only perfect apples get in my juice.”

“Well, why would color matter? I mean a good apple can be any color.”

“Color could indicate ripeness. We want apples that are just the right stage of ripeness. I mean the juice could be bitter if the apple is not ripe enough and the taste might be a little off if an apple is too ripe. No, I have to be real careful about color, too.”

Joe studied the tree. “I still say these apples look great. I didn’t eat this morning and I am kind of hungry. My mouth is watering just looking at them.” Joe reached up to the apple nearest him. “Just look how plump it is and how shiny.”

Al shook his head, “I’m telling you, Joe, unless they are inspected by a trained eye you shouldn’t mess with them. There might be something wrong with this tree.”

Joe hesitated but pulled the apple off and sniffed it. “It smells good, too.” He bit into it eagerly. He closed his eyes, “Mmmmmmm, Al, that is the best apple I ever ate. I am so hungry. Try one, I’m sure you’ll like it.”

“Not me. If I want apples I get ‘em at the supermarket . . . after they have been inspected. Besides, I don’t really care for them much. I see so much bad fruit it kinda turns you off them after awhile.”

Al and Joe resumed their walk. Joe munched on his apple in silence for a long time. Finally, he said, “Al, you ever think about another line of work?”

“No. Why?”

“Well, why do we need fruit inspectors?”

“So, unsuspecting folks don’t get sick from eating bad fruit?”

“Don’t you think a person could inspect their own fruit and determine if it is bad or not?”

Al didn’t respond directly but said, “Well, the owner might not be honest enough to admit he had bad fruit. Fruit inspectors are necessary to keep folks honest. We insure the safety of the innocent. Anyway, I’ve been doing this for 20 years. What else would I do?”

Joe munched his apple for a moment then a light seemed to go off in his face. He looked at Al and said, “Maybe you could GROW apples.”

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance . . . .” Galatians 5:22-23.

We have all read or heard that verse dozens of times but one Sunday morning as the Bible class teacher read, something went off in my mind that I can only describe as a small nuclear explosion. I was awestruck as a new understanding broke over me. As I hurried to write down the thoughts before they slipped away, I remembered something else. Several weeks earlier, on the preceding page of my notebook, I had made a few notes regarding another scripture.

“Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” Matt. 7:20.

Weeks before those scribblings had led nowhere but that Sunday morning the pieces of the puzzle fell together perfectly and the picture that emerged was breathtaking. On Sunday night, while getting ready for bed, came the story A Walk Through the Orchard.

There is one basic question that we all ask when faced with the realization of eternity. “What must I do to be saved?” Most of us believe that we know the answer. But then, I took a walk through the Orchard.

In the Garden of Eden, Eve walked thorough the orchard and passed beautiful, sweet-smelling, fruit-filled trees. The fragrance of the ripe fruit permeated the air around her. But Eve didn’t’ stop and savor those fruits. Instead, she journeyed to the center of the Garden and looked on the one tree she had been forbidden. As she gazed at that fruit, a craving pulled at her soul and consumed her. Her mind registered the visual image of a tantalizing fruit. The image she saw answered three questions that her craving had provoked. She saw that the fruit was good for nourishment, it looked good, and it would make her a better person.

But Eve was not hungry. She had no reason to be. Nourishment was never truly a factor in her craving. There were thousands of trees in the garden from which to choose. She could have walked up to any other tree and picked the fruit of her choice. Any other fruit in the garden would have fulfilled her every need and she could have eaten as much as she wanted. In fact, all the other fruit in the garden would provide nourishment, it would look good, and it would make her a better person. She lied to herself. But, instead of walking away, she looked at the forbidden fruit, the bad fruit. She picked it, she ate it, and she died. We have all been inspecting fruit ever since and, like Eve, it is not because we are hungry.

In Mark 11:12 and Matt 21:17 is the story of a fig tree that Jesus approached in search of figs. When he saw the leaves but no figs he cursed the tree and the next day it was withered and dead. Interestingly, Mark is careful to note that it was not time for figs yet. So, Jesus cursed a tree that didn’t have fruit when He needed it. Jesus was hungry. Jesus was searching for good fruit. He needed something to eat right then, but the tree was bare. Because the tree did not provide for the need, he cursed it. And the tree died.

In A Walk Through the Orchard, Al and Joe marched along different paths for a time but eventually they fell into step. All along their way were trees filled with fruit. Al knew all about fruit. But Joe was hungry. Joe began to search for nourishment. And it is to the heavily laden trees along his path that he turned. He searched and satisfied his hunger with good fruit. But Al, who knew so much about fruit and had fruit all around him every day, had none to share and had no desire for good fruit. In fact, Al was afraid to eat any of the fruit that hung within his reach because he had not inspected it. Al viewed his lot in life as a protector of the innocent. It was his job to root out the rotten fruit. He lied to himself. In reality, he wasn’t protecting anyone.

There are Christians who feel a need, who believe it is their job, to inspect the fruit of others. In reality, they are searching for that which is missing in their own lives. They have no fruit to fulfill the needs of those seeking nourishment nor are they seeking nourishment for themselves. They don’t desire fruit anymore. All their time is spent on inspecting, searching for the bad fruit, not producing. They are barren and only by pulling the fruit off others, do they feel useful.

The problem is, when you start handling fruit, you damage it. You leave bruises, scars, and wounds from all the rough handling. Sometimes, the fruit will be so ready to eat that it can be easily knocked off the tree or bruised. Fruit that is knocked on the ground may never be eaten because it is so badly damaged from the fall. As a result, someone will go hungry because the fruit that was there to nourish has been destroyed.

Christians are NOT called to be fruit inspectors. Jesus never suggested that. At the time Jesus stated Matt 7:20, the disciples were not born again; they were not yet Christians. Jesus was talking to sinners and warning them of false prophets. He was telling sinners that if they were hungry there would be signs telling them where to get nourishment. Later, when he cursed the fig tree, he gave a profound example on the fate of those who fail to feed the hungry. The hungry are supposed to be the fruit inspectors. As Christians, we are expected to have the fruit available to feed the hungry. If we don’t, we will die.

I grew up hearing about winning souls but I never heard advice on exactly how one is to do that in a world where no one wants to listen. And suddenly, in one awe-inspiring moment and with brilliant clarity, I knew. It is the fruit that feeds the hungry. Fruit saves a dying world from starvation. Fruit sustains the weak. Fruit provides nutrients for growth. Fruit answers a craving for sweetness in a bitter world. We can preach a thousands sermons, recite the entire Bible on a street corner, but if there is no fruit hanging out there in the branches, the hungry will look elsewhere to be fed. And so, as I sat through that Sunday morning service, I had an overwhelming desire for fruit. I wanted it so badly I could taste it.

I found myself ashamed. I realized that far too often I spend time inspecting the other trees in the orchard for bad fruit and not worrying about whether or not I am producing good fruit. How many have come by needy, looking for nourishment and gone away hungry because they found nothing. God help me! I want fruit, so much fruit that the boughs break under the weight of it, so much that the fragrance fills the air around me. And I want to be hungry! I want to see a starving world fed with the fruit that satisfies all hunger. Winning the lost is not done with pretty speeches but rather by feeding starving souls. I don’t want to be a fruit inspector. I want to be a producer of fruit. God give me fruit so that anyone who takes a walk through the orchard can be fed!

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Sunday Morning

I am going to CHURCH! Yea! I have not been in two weeks and I need to go.

I'm telling you, I don't know how any person can say they are a Christian and not go to church! People who don't eat waste away and die. The food is on the table and the table is the church. If you don't go to the table, you aren't eating. My guess is you aren't praying much.

"But I don't like the people there." "My church is nature." "I don't think you have to go to church to live for God."

The Word of God says to not forsake the assmebling of yourelves together. That means you are not to neglect going where other Christians are assembled to worhsip. Church is not about YOU. It is about a mass worship of your creator. It is not to give YOU glory but to join in a mass of people giving God glory. You don't have to bother with one person there. You aren't there to make friends. You aren't there to be special. You aren't there to do anything but give God worship. If you can't do that in a public place, with a group of other believers, I'm sorry. I don't believe you will make it to heaven because the Bible says there is a number that no man can number who will be in one place crying Holy, Holy, Holy to God. Since you don't think joining other worshipers is necessary, I doubt God will hold you too it but where are you going once you leave this world? Heaven is filled with worshipers.

Hell is filled with people who worshiped another god. A lot of them didn't think worship of the eternal God was necessary either. Their church was the world, nature, the bars, the job, the games, etc. Now they get to spend eternity listenting to the sound of a numberless mass shouting praises to the God they either didn't believe in or that they didn't think needed worship. And the cry in that place will be deafening and yet unheard in by those worshiping God. The sound or praises will drown out any crys of torment.

Friday, February 22, 2008

New Interest

I've put up another module called History Pages. This one is strictly for historical papers I've written. I hold a B.A. in history and I did a lot of research in college. From that I wrote numerous papers that I really liked writing. I am putting these up to share but they are open to contacts only. Hope everyone understands why.

The weekend is upon us and I for one and thrilled. What a messy week. I've been battling a headache since last Wednesday. It has one several times. Right now, it is better and I am taking advantage of it by posting. Not sure how long I will have this respite.

There is ice everywhere except the streets. They are pretty much clear now. My yard crunches when I walk in it and my driveway (gravel) is a sheet of ice that at any moment, may cost me a bone or two.

I shall try and write a bit more this weekend but I am really wanting to use the time when I don't have a headache to write Mist. Take care, stay warm, and enjoy your weekend.


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

A Writer's Life for Me?

I finished posting another book to a private blog. I put up my NaNoWriMo novel "Shakedown". This was my first year reaching the 50,000 words goal and my second year to participate in the event. Ah am sew proud of mahself! And I am so looking forward to November 2008! I hope some of you will take the challenge and join me. Chris, ya with me?

I like putting my psuedo-novels in blog form. I've discovered it makes it so easy to work with to have it there. Particularly when I have a willing victim... um... volunteer in Alice.

Actually, I haven't asked Alice to proof Shakedown. She is working on reviewing Mist for inconsistencies and incongruities. Well, she's been reading along from the beginning so I think she will have no problem. I am working on finishing it so I can then sit back and work out the kinks she finds. She did volunteer to do that. Well, truthfully, she told me she was already doing it and she'd let me know when she was done.

After I finished posting Shakedown, I realized that this is also a pretty good story. I was a bit shocked. It was another bugger to write. I hated it while I wrote it. Probably because I was forcing myself to do it and like a recalcitrant child, I was determined to dislike what was good for me. While posting, I found myself reading it and since it has been three months, some of my bias has receeded. Shakedown has potential.

Now, for those who have been keeping count, I now have four potential unfinished novels on my hands, all over 50,000 words. Tell me why I do not have a finished novel? Alice keeps asking me that. Nancy asked me that. {sigh}

I don't know. Could it be all the stress that keeps me off track? Adult children pulling me in a dozen different direction? A job I truly don't like most of the time but which pays me very well and therefore, since I like to eat, I can't quit? Problems with pain that I can't fix?

I can honestly say that when I posted Mist and several of the girls were reading it, and demanding (very loudly) more, it was much easier to write. Although some days my pain levels just overwhelmed me and so did all the other stuff. But I had to keep going or they would have hurt me! Sadly, I lost Nancy, one of my cheerleaders but I still have Alice and she's terrific. Keeps poking me with these sharp sticks. So, I am plugging away.

There are times this story stinks. If you read far enough back in the blogs, you will find I hated this story when it began several years ago. Really. It began as freewriting, just writing what popped into my head. Then, I became intrigued as to what that darn mist was and how it worked. Then I really hated it because I saw NO point in the story. But slowly, thanks to all those pokes, I've begun to see beyond the Mist a bit and it makes a sort of sense. I don't know that I will ever like this story. But I think I'll write it.

So, with that said, I am exceedingly tired. The cold is almost gone but it has left me absolutely drained. I've been tired for hours now but I wrote a bit on mist, posted the last of Shakedown, and wrote this post as well.

Ah, a writer's work is never done. Thank goodness!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Monday Morning Musings

I am up late. . . or early depending on how you view these things. I have lain on the sofa for about two days with the most hideous upper respiratory bug. At least long enough to watch the Kingdom Hospital series on DVD. Yep. I've been so sick with this cold. Only tonight did I begin to feel human again.

I've coughed for three days and my head hurt with every cough. I didn't sleep well for two nights and so today, I slept half the day. I am going to bed soon and I am hoping for a better night tonight and a much better day tomorrow. I go back to work on Tuesday and I really hate that my whole 4 day weekend was ruined but I am also grateful that I didn't have to work Friday with this mess. I have a tone of stuff to get done before Friday!

I've visited some blogs and done some writing but ultimately, I was so sick that sitting here was misery and I finally gave it up and made me a bed on the sofa. I either slept or watched television.

I've got a lovely note from Alice on inconsistencies in Mist. She is starting from the beginning with a fine toothed comb and will be sending me a list of items that pose problems in continuity. I've been wanting to do this but when you are writing it you try very hard not to go back until you get it all down. This will help me when I start editing. I'm getting nervous, yall. But I feel very comforted knowing Alice is doing this. Now, i can focus on the "rest of the story" while she is getting me preped for rewrite. Joy, joy!

O.k. time to stop. I believe it is late/early enough to warrent a trip to bed. I hope my long afternoon sleep has not caused a problem. I do not want to sleep tomorrow! I'd like to do some things. Finishing my taxes would be good. And organizing some things too. The weather has been monsterous and if it is not to bad going out would be rather nice. We'll see.

Hope you all have a good holiday if you are off for President's Day. I love America. We have so many celebrations!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Another Day, Another Chapter

I posted another piece of Hidden in the Mist for those of you still reading. Actually, I'm trying to fill in some areas so things may seem to move a bit slow for a time. But I think I like this little bit tonight. However, as Alice pointed out, I have some threads hanging that I have to weave back in and it will take some time. Her pointing them out was a huge help!

I've been sick for three days now and still feel terrible. I want to go to church tomorrow but I don't know if I can sit through it as bad as I feel. My throat is sore. I still have a headache made worse with every cough. And the cough, well, it just keeps going and going. I'm going to bed now and hope for a restful night.

I really am tired.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Dark Matter, Dark Energy and Darkness

I am very interested in science. I actually like reading articles relating to astronomy and the creation of the universe. Yes, I am a Christian who believes in science! God is a lot smarter than we give him credit. He actually understands the theory of relativity far better than Einstein did when HE told it to Einstein! And since time was created as a plaything for man and means absolutely nothing to God, he isn’t all tied up in controversy about how long it took to create the universe. I like that about him. We can talk.

Today, I ran across this article on my MSN home page New Cosmic Theory Unites Dark Forces . It drew me in and I am glad it did. “A new theory says that dark matter and dark energy could arise from a single dark fluid that permeates the whole universe.” © 2007 Space.com. All rights reserved. More from Space.com.

I ended up reading several articles on the topic. It is fascinating reading if you understand basic astronomy and a general idea of the dark matter theories. If you don’t, by the time you read them you probably will have a fair grasp of the subject. It gave me quite a lot of food for thought that, since I am a Southern woman whose culture says food should be shared, I thought I’d share.

A lady once told me that we can find truth anywhere. You just have to look for it. I learned this to be true. If you don’t search, you won’t find. Searching requires that you question everything and everyone. Science is all about questions but Christians are discouraged from asking questions. To us, questions signify doubt. To question God would be doubt and doubt is sin. I know, we're nuts a lot of the time. I lost my fear of asking God questions when he started answering them.

Sadly, there is such enmity between scientist and Christians that I doubt it will ever be resolved but both camps are right about some things. You notice I didn’t say between science and Christianity? It’s people who have the problem. The biggest problem is they both want to be right about everything. That’s impossible.

So, I read, I study, I ponder things not many women my age and background study. I allow myself to question and let those questions percolate. Then I ask God, “What about this? Is this possible?” He usually grins and says, “Anything is possible.”

I’ve spent the last couple of hours reading these articles and formulating questions and tossing out a few of my own. The conclusion I arrived at is surprising. . . to me, anyway. I’ve provided several excerpts from three articles that will reveal my discovery. The links will take you to the articles themselves.

The above article describes dark matter and dark energy: “Dark matter, as originally hypothesized, is extra hidden mass that astrophysicists calculate is necessary for holding together fast-turning galaxies. . . . seems to be everywhere, acting as a scaffolding for galaxy clusters and the whole structure of the universe.”

In other words, everything that exists is suspended from this structure.

“On the other hand, dark energy is needed to explain the more recently-discovered acceleration of the universe's expansion. . . . It supposedly exists all throughout space, delivering a pressure that counteracts gravity.”

Gravity, remember, pushes against things. As I understand this, dark energy acts as a restraint on the effect of gravity. It sounded like cement to me. And what do you know, in the next article I found my confirmation.

“Dark matter acts as gravitational glue, holding millions or billions of stars together in galactic globs or disks. Without it, "our own galaxy should have fallen apart by now," said Frederic Bournaud, an astrophysicist with the French Atomic Energy Commission. "So dark matter — this unseen force — is somewhere keeping it glued together.” © 2007 Space.com. All rights reserved. More from Space.com.

So how do they know this stuff exist? Who says it is even real? Can you see it? Can you feel it?

Well, in Dark Matter Mapped in 3-D Detail the scientist says: “Decades' worth of observations have found that all the matter we can see in surrounding galaxies doesn't account for the gravitational effects of those galaxies. In fact, there appears to be six times more dark matter out there than the ordinary matter we can see. . . . there is no picture of it and there's no known way to detect it directly.”

“Even though the matter itself couldn't be seen, astronomers detected its effect by analyzing the gravitational effect of that matter on light rays from more distant light sources.” © 2008 MSNBC Interactive


This had become positively religious! There is something out there, holding it all together that no one can see. I’ll insert a long pregnant pause here while you digest the ramifications of this. It also means that while they can’t see it, they know it exist because they can see the effects of it on other visible things, like light.

Wow, a substance they can’t see but they believe MUST be there . . . something that holds the universe together.

Do you see it, too?

The final statement in this last article is brilliant and so powerful I am amazed. "Frankly speaking, these are just fancy words we use to name something we do not understand," he said. “If a simpler model (with a single word) can explain all the data, then cosmologists will gladly accept it,” Boehmer said.

A single word?

Uh. . . God?

And Boehmer was wrong. They never accept it.

Awesome

Someone shared this with me and I loved it. So, I am sharing it with you. Worhship is beautiful!



Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Wednesday Wonders

It would seem that my scratchy throat has turned in to a full blown cold with all the accoutrements... stuffy nose, post nasal drip, scratchy throat, tiredness, irritability, and general malaise. My spouse, on the other hand, is running a low grade temp and has an upset stomach. No vomiting yet, thanks be!

I have taken Friday off and that will give me a four day weekend but I certainly don't want to spend it kneeling at the throne. My throne room is quite small and not conducive to relaxation. So, for those of you who pray, please say several for us.

I am frustrated because I've been so tired that I have not felt like doing taxes, reading, or writing. I have only come on to read some blogs and write these boring posts! Come on, they're boring! Say it!

In the last few days I've perused several interesting blogs around the net. Wordpress has some interesting ones. Eleanor's Trousers is one. She writes well and witty. My friend Skeeter has one at Wordpress as well but she seems to have one everywhere and they are each very good. I found a few others I want to keep an eye on, too.

I'm finding that I want to do something different. Not sure what, just a feeling that I ought to find something that encourages me to post content with some consistency. That doesn't mean "regularly" it means with substance. Something with substance. I've been off my feed lately, I think.

I'm off to bed now. I shall tell myself to think on it in my dreams. That always works for me.

May you all have sweet ones.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

What a Tuesday!

Snow and ice and cold. The mess is inches deep and another freeze coming tonight! I don't have to be at work until 10 tomorrow because of the ice but how dumb not to close up today. The temps got up to around 35 I think today but that was just enough to soften up the "snice". tonight it is supposed to drop down into the teens I believe. My Google Desktop says it is already 24 degrees! That will make a nice slab of ice for tomorrow morning.

I had a completely unproductive day. I was tired all day and the computers weren't working right. They performed maintenance on the server Monday and we were down half a day. Today they couldn't figure out why our systems were so slow. We are off site from the main server and wireless with outside antenna on the roof of the building. I asked them if ice could be coating the antenna on the roof and causing us to drop the signal. They didn't say but they said they were coming by to take a look at my computer. When I met with them they said, "We think it is ice on the antenna." Gee, ya think! But being right today didn't do a thing for me. My computer took 10 minutes to open a Word document!

At the home front, I am on my way to hit the shower. I made chili for supper and it was delicious with sharp chedder cheese and Ritz crackers with a side of 7Up! Now, I just want to get something warm and comfy on and read a good book or maybe write one.


Monday, February 11, 2008

Snowy, Snowy Night

We have snow on the ground and sleet has been falling since before 5 p.m. I suspect tomorrow will be an interesting day all over town. It is cold! My Google Desktop says it is 21 decrees. That is cold, folks. I am loving this big screen. I can have several things open and see them all!

I posted Chapter 21 of Mist for the ones reading it. I don't know how many are left. I think Alice is the only one but that's all right. I've been a bit sluggish lately about it and got off track. I've had a few insights this week and I want to start heading in that direction. I know who Reece is (having read back over an early chapter! I know what he wants. I know far more than I did a week ago and tonight's chapter is headed there. Come on, you knew Reece was important!

I will be glad to finish Mist. I started with several readers, of whom Nancy was one of the most vocal. Alice was probably the second most vocal! Today, I was looking at my Y360 mailbox and clearing out old messages. I ran across Nancy's notes of encouragement and praise each time she read up on Mist. Alice, I couldn't delete them. I just couldn't. I suddenly missed her and I wanted to keep them. So, they are still there, in my 360 mail box. I think I will try and print them out.

I was longing for a camera today to take photos of the snowy sea surrounding my house. It is beautiful but treacherous. I really don't want to get out in it tomorrow but unless they close the office, I don't see how I can do otherwise.

Well, I am off to do a bit of writing. Snuggle up and stay warm.

Ignorance Is Bliss?

He lived in palaces, had the best food to eat, a loving family, his choice of any woman in the kingdom, and a job waiting for him when he grew up. Surely Solomon needed nothing to make life better for him. And yet, he wanted to be more than just a king. Solomon wanted to be the wisest king who ever lived. So began a journey that would take him down many paths, some joyful and good, some sad and wrong.

One result of Solomon’s search for wisdom is the Book of Proverbs. If you read it, you may find yourself surprised at the kinds of things he addressed. He frowned on a good many things your mama told you were bad for you. He advised on everything from gossip to immoral women. In the book of Proverbs you can probably find a maxim for any situation that arises in your life . . . if you look.

How did Solomon get to know all this stuff? Did he just sit down and pen all these proverbs off the top of his head? Did his mama advise him, too?

Solomon knew what was required to succeed in life. He knew positive actions bring positive results, and that associating with the wrong people will get you in trouble. He knew that there is a point beyond which it is unwise to go. Solomon had wisdom.

Wisdom is “an understanding of what is true, right, or lasting.” It is not “just knowing”. You may know something but not understand it. Wisdom is common sense to the extreme, and it is gained from either experience or observation. Solomon experienced or observed the things he spoke about in Proverbs and he understood the truth of those things. Sadly, some of the things he experienced were not nice.

Proverbs is filled with positive instruction. You will find advice on how to live a happy, healthy, prosperous, and productive life. It portrays a father instructing his son with all he knows about life. This is a loving teacher, not the “Preacher” of Ecclesiastes. Proverbs contains none of the bitterness and the “all is vanity” of Ecclesiastes.

What happened to Solomon between Proverbs and Ecclesiastes? It almost seems that these books were written by two different people and yet, their subject matter is nearly identical. It is the outlook that changed dramatically and the tone of voice.

In Ecclesiastes, Solomon is old. He has lost his joy for living and his view of life has become cynical, bleak, harsh and unforgiving. The loving father and teacher are absent. In his place, is an embittered, disillusioned old man focusing on his own past failures. He focused so much on failure that he could no longer see life as a gift. It was all vanity. All a man might seek to accomplish in life was vanity, no matter how good.

Solomon had succeeded in his quest for wisdom, but instead of letting it enrich him, he had allowed it to rob him. A journey began in the fire of youth had ended in the ashes of age. He lost sight of all that was important in his search. Never mind all he had done for Israel and for God. He even saw the search as vanity. Solomon’s wisdom told him that once gained, his riches meant nothing, and once understood, life was a waste and death was preferable. “Therefore I hated life: . .” (Eccl. 2:17)

His wisdom told him that God was the giver of all good things, but it didn’t seem to matter because the gifts themselves were also vanity. He learned to recognize folly in his own search for wisdom and knowledge.

Solomon began his journey to find wisdom and knowledge and to recognize folly. During the journey he became wealthy beyond imagination and wise beyond his years. At the end of the journey he was bitter beyond endurance. Solomon took life by the horns, hopped on its back, and rode it to death.

“For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.” Eccl. 1:18.

We should not take this to mean we should not desire wisdom or knowledge. We should pray for this gift. In fact, it is wisdom and knowledge that make life and it’s hardships easier to understand and thereby, easier to bear. If you notice, those who have the most difficult time in trials are those who don’t understand the purpose of trails.

At no time should we seek these gifts for their own sake but to give us discernment and better equip us to serve God. When attainment is the goal, the value of the item is diminished. Solomon sought wisdom and God blessed him. But the more blessings he received, the more he wanted. He was never satisfied, never sated. Eventually, Solomon’s wisdom revealed to him that all his life had been spent satisfying his cravings rather that blessing God.

Four Things About Me

I got this in my email about a week ago and have only just found time to do it. I've emailed it to the person who sent it to me and a few others but I thought it would be an interesting thing to post... if you are interested in me.

And who wouldn't?

I hope you ejoy it! You can play or not.

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. secretary in a garage (15 yrs old!)

2. sales clerk in a Post Exchange in Germany
3. Office Manager with an Insurance Brokerage office
4. Housing Specialist with HUD Sec. 8 Program
Four places I have lived:
1. Mobile, Alabama
2. Frankfurt, Germany
3. Livorno, Italy
4. Fayetteville, N. C.
Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Penscola, Florida
2. Atlanta, GA
3. Corydon, Indiana
4. Mobile, Alabama
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Banana Pudding (the real stuff)
2. My Chili Rice Dinner
3. Lasagna (Stoffer's)
4. El Charro's Chicken Quesedilla's Fajatas
Places I would rather be right now:
1.
Alabama
2. Germany (to visit)
3. In a quiet place with NO television
4. Tahiti (my dream vacation)
Four friends or relatives I think will respond first: Not sure, some folks hate these things!
1.
2.
3.
4.
Now, here's what you're supposed to do, and please do not spoil the fun. Hit forward, delete my answers and type in your answers.
Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who know you.
Remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Or, highlight and copy content, compose a new e-mail, paste and delete my answers and than type in your answers. Have FUN!!

Friday, February 8, 2008

A Pie in the Oven

I got this in my email this morning and thought you'd all enjoy it. I did.



A woman was getting a homemade cherry pie ready to put into
the oven when the phone rang. It was the school nurse. Her
son had come down with a high fever, and would she come and
take him home? The mother calculated how long it would take
to drive to school and back, and how long the pie should
bake, and concluded there was enough time. Popping the pie
in the oven, she left for school. When she arrived, her
son's fever was worse and the nurse urged her to take him to
the doctor.

She drove to the clinic as fast as she dared. She was frayed
a bit more as the doctor emerged from the examining room and
handed her a slip of paper. "Get him to bed," he told her,
handing her the prescription, "and start him on this right
away."

By the time she got the boy home and in bed and headed out
again for the shopping mall, she was not only frayed, but
frazzled and frantic as well. And she had forgotten about
the pie in the oven.

At the mall she found a pharmacy, got the prescription
filled, and rushed back to the car, which was locked. There
were her keys, hanging in the ignition switch, locked inside
the car.

She began searching the mall for a wire coat hanger -- which
turned out not to be easy. Wooden hangers and plastic
hangers were there in abundance, but shops didn't use wire
hangers anymore. After combing through a dozen stores, she
finally found a wire hanger. Hurrying out of the mall, she
halted. She stared at the wire coat hanger. "I don't know
what to do with this!"

Then she remembered the pie in the oven. All the
frustrations of the past hour collapsed on her and she began
crying. Then she prayed, "Dear Lord, my boy is sick and he
needs this medicine and my pie is in the oven and the keys
are locked in the car. Lord, I don't know what to do with
this coat hanger. Dear Lord, send somebody who does know
what do with it, and I really need that person NOW, Lord.
Amen." She was wiping her eyes when a beat-up older car
pulled up to the curb and stopped in front of her.

A young man, twentyish-looking, in a stained T-shirt and
ragged jeans, got out. He was coming her way. When he drew
near, she stepped in front of him and held out the wire coat
hanger. "Young man," she said, "do you know how to get into
a locked car with one of these?"

He gaped at her for a moment and then plucked the hanger
from her hand. "Where's the car?"

She had never seen anything like it -- it was simply amazing
how easily he got into her car. A quick look at the door and
window, a couple of twists of the coat hanger, and the door
was open. When she saw that, she threw her arms around him.

"Oh," she said, "the Lord sent you! You're such a good boy."

He stepped back and said, "No, ma'am, I'm not a good boy. I
just got out of prison yesterday."

She jumped at him and she hugged him again fiercely. "Bless
the Lord!" she cried. "He sent me a professional!"

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Bugs About

The bugs are going around again. The baby was sick Monday and they took her to the ER. Her daddy was sick Tuesday and Wednesday. Her mother was sick Wednesday. I took the baby home with me last night so her mom could rest but could only keep her until midnight. I had to work today. Becca tried to get her mom and dad to keep her over night so she could take care of herself. She was still vomiting and not well. Her parents said they couldn't do it.

Now, these folks don't have a job. They don't either one work. He just got on disability but her mother just doesn't want to work. Becca does a lot for her folks, particularly when they had no income. (At least for the last 4 1/2 years I've know her!) And on paydays, they go get her folks and bring them to their house for the weekend and feed them all weekend. But everytime the girl needs something from them, they just don't have time. It is just inconvenient.

So Sarah went home last night about midnight. I felt bad I couldn't keep her longer because Becca was still sick. Even so, I am really tired today. I just want to sleep for about 4 hours! I am praying NOT to catch this. At the ER they told Becca that over 100 babies had been through with this nasty bug! Adults are getting it, too. Fever, vomiting and diaherrah are the symptoms and last about two days.

I am all set up on the computer except for some software I have to still load that is not crucial at the moment. But I find there is either something wrong with my glasses or one of my eyes. It appears to have been revealed by the larger screen. However, I love the machine! It is soooo fast! Quad core, folks, is awesome. I don't get hung up opening several programs and it zips through everything. AND I was able to get it with XP!

I have not been writing lately. I wanted to drop in today and see how things were going. I have been visiting some blogs, just not posting on mine.The computer took my time last week and now I am in the midst of tax filings. I did Dave & Becca's. I'm working on mine. My sister will probably want help and I have my other son, Mike's to file.

It is colder than a well-diggers ankles today. I even saw a tiny snowflake or two. I can't wait until spring! Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Saturday Delay

I've been away for a few days getting the new computer set up and transfering data from the old to the new. This is a tedious task as I have to load files on a flash drive and copy them to the new computer. I looked for alternatives but without buying something to make it easier, this is the simplest and cheapest.

I have been reading blogs here and there and trying to keep up but it seems as if everyone else has been as busy as I. I won't write long here because I still have several things to do today and I got a late start. I haven't really felt good all day and I have either a mild upper respiratory problem so it is probably that. Had a mild headache all day and I think I may have run a fever later today. So, will those ills aside, I have not finished all the task I wanted to finish.

Hope you are all having a great weekend. I hope I can be back by the first of the week and do some serious writing. I must get back on track with Mist. Several things have happened along the way that derailed my intentions. I really feel that my disorganization is becoming a problem. Must put that on my list of things to check on.

Everyone take care.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Microsoft Hungry

Good Morning America has announced that Microsoft has made a large offer to buy Yahoo.

With all the troubles Yahoo has had lately, I'm not surprised. Gates' little known middle name is Midas so it probably won't hurt the company but it probably will change it dramatically.

Of course, Yahoo hasn't accepted....suicide?