Fighting Dragons

It would be so nice if you could reach out and capture a day and hold it in place for a little longer, if you could take a net and gather up moments to store them for darker days. You can't but how nice if you could. 

Sarah has been home since the first of June. She leaves Saturday going back to Ohio where she lives with her dad. I know grandmothers are supposed to be used to the grandchildren living elsewhere, but Sarah spent her first 9 years in my home, sometimes with her parents, but much of it without them. So, to say there is an immense hole in my home and heart when she isn't here is an understatement. This month has given me back laughter and joy. 

I loved being a mom. I had so much fun with my boys and I missed it when they left. It has been the same with Sarah when she came into our lives. 

I'm always fascinated by kids. They're amazing creatures and watching their development, their mental growth is just awesome. Who and what they'll be is a mystery that is solved over time. If we're blessed, we'll see the solution. 

I am always stunned when I see myself in Sarah. We share a love of deep conversation. She's a skilled listener in those moments. I can't tell you when I've discussed issues of faith and prayer and the Bible so much with one person. She is open to discussion, and she asks questions. That's half the battle with teens. But she has far more understanding than I expect. Several years ago, I commented on this to her and she said; I listen when I am in church. It showed. Her attentiveness hasn't waned as I expected and this time with her has refreshed my spirit. It has reminded me of the late-night conversations with Mama and how we would sometimes talk for hours when everyone in the house was sound asleep. It is what I miss most about Mama. But Sarah has the gift.

We also share a similar sense of humor. She's always joking or saying things that have a humorous twist. I'm reminded of a text I read once that said humor is a sigh of intelligence. I'm not talking about playing pranks or making fun of people, that's shifts into psychopathy. Genuine humor isn't about that. She's mastered the art of understatement and I've often been nearly hysterical at things she says.

The month has done more than give me some happiness. I've regained a fragile hope. You worry, you know. When they go through dark times, you worry they won't come out of it. Many children don't. She's lived through a lot of dark times in 16 years. She's done some really stupid things. Children do that. It is how they grow. Life is a series of tests. But what I've seen in the last month, tells me the Sarah I know is still in there. The humor, kindness, compassion, and love I've always seen in her is intact. But she's fighting dragons. And fighting dragons is exhausting. However, seeing the craving for understanding the Bible, her  desire to grow her faith, and her desire to learn more are positive signs that she will not let the dragons eat her. Not without a fight.

Dragons are real. They come in all shapes, sizes, and guises. Facing them takes tremendous determination, strength, and courage. I know this from experience. Thank goodness I had a Sword and Shield and Mama. 

As our time ends, I see a strength in Sarah that I feared she did not have. She's fighting dragons between moments of despair. But she's fighting.

Jerry and I tried to provide our sons with the same weapons. I may have failed them, but I hope not. Still, I made a greater effort to arm Sarah with weapons that could slay dragons. I've spent more time sharing my battles with dragons. We're so afraid of letting our children know about the dragons we face and the battles we lost. That's a mistake. If you want to encourage your children to fail, don't let them see your dragons. And hide your scars. Pretend there are no dragons. Tell them they're the problem, not dragons. Send them out with no warning, no defense, and no faith in them. 

Dragons will eat them.

Songs in My Heart

 I'm not feeling well today. I hurt all over, that wonderful steamroller sensation one gets when you lie down in the road in front of one. I lay down earlier before getting a showerand examined all my pains. They are as follows:

The bottom of my feet, ankles, knees, hips, the palms of my hands, elbows, my left upper arm and shoulder (PT yesterday was extremely rough). The swollen lymph node beneath my left arm hurts and my neck skin hurts. I also have a mild headache.

My sister, Roselynn, asked if I had a fever because my face is very red. I don't run fevers but I am hot after my shower. 

While we sat and chatted, I had a memory. I do not know why, but I remembered a song my Mama used to sing. I can still hear the tune but could find no trace of it online. There are other versions, but they're not at all the same.

A Psalm of Life

BY HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW

What The Heart Of The Young Man Said To The Psalmist.

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,

   Life is but an empty dream!

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

   And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!

   And the grave is not its goal;

Dust thou art, to dust returnest,

   Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,

   Is our destined end or way;

But to act, that each to-morrow

   Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,

   And our hearts, though stout and brave,

Still, like muffled drums, are beating

   Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,

   In the bivouac of Life,

Be not like dumb, driven cattle!

   Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!

   Let the dead Past bury its dead!

Act,— act in the living Present!

   Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us

   We can make our lives sublime,

And, departing, leave behind us

   Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,

   Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

   Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,

   With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

   Learn to labor and to wait.

Imagine my surprise as a teenager when I picked up a book of Longfellow's poems and found that poem in it! He became my favorite American poet, and I found many poems in the book I loved. I read a lot of classic poems as a teenager and it continued as an adult.

Mama also knew the following poem. See, in the period she grew up, education meant learning a variety of things and the educated person knew poems and pieces of classic literature, even little country girls. The following poem is one I always loved, and I too memorized it. However, today, when trying to recite it, I found I'd forgotten most of it. Mama never forgot a word of either of them. 

The Arrow and the Song

BY HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW

I shot an arrow into the air,

It fell to earth, I knew not where;

For, so swiftly it flew, the sight

Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,

It fell to earth, I knew not where;

For who has sight so keen and strong,

That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak

I found the arrow, still unbroke;

And the song, from beginning to end,

I found again in the heart of a friend.

I don't think poems today have such sentiments. People don't think of life as anything but a party until the music stops. And they don't go looking for songs in the hearts of friends.  

April Happenings

 

Y'all! What a year and I'm only 4 months into it. 

As many of you will know if you're on my Facebook page, I had to have my left shoulder repaired. An old rotator cuff injury had become objectionable. This took place on April 4th. As of today, four weeks later, I'm doing pretty well. 

My youngest sister came up from Florida to take care of me and that has been a lot of fun, making a difficult situation far less stressful. We've laughed a lot and I've eaten far more good food than I should. I will be sorry to see her leave in a few weeks.

The only complaint I've had was with the sling. It caused enormous pain in my neck and shoulders and after a week and a half, I had to remove it. My doctor was not happy, but I told him, "The arm doesn't hurt but the neck is unbearable." The PT doctor wasn't happy, and I told him, "I'm already hauling 50lbs around on my chest and the sling too much."

I took painkillers to stop the pain in my neck and back for four days. I couldn't sleep on my pillows without pain. The muscles on either side of my spine were in knots.

As of today, I'm doing a lot better. I still have to be careful lifting things and still have weeks of PT, but I think I'll get through that with little trouble. 

My sister plans to return home around the 10th. After that, I'll have to go back to eating sandwiches. (The meals have been amazing.) 

A Bag in Hand

 I don't think I posted an update on the Peacock bag but here is the finished product. I've been using it now for over a month and I'm quite pleased with it. 

Is it perfect? No. There are still things I want to correct. I used velcro as a closure behind the straps on the inside. It is effective, but not enough, and I simply don't like that. I will eventually put a button or a magnet on it. 

The inside is still not to my liking. I have a purse insert in it and that works, but things still get lost at the bottom. They're easier to find since the inside lining is white, but I have to take everything out to locate missing items. A real pain. 

I'm going to make another one but again, I need to work out on paper what I need to do. I have to say the cotton fabric is easy to work up and is washable. So that's a plus. These were fat quarters from JoAnn fabrics. I made straps from nylon webbing I found on Amazon. A package of 4 rolls of different colors was cheaper than buying one set of readymade handbag straps. 

My goal was to make some things to sell, but I've been sick off and on for months, so it hasn't happened. Oh well. Plans. 

Just wanted to share with my friends who read regularly. 

First Post of 2023! Happy New Year!

 And here we are! A new year, 2023! My 2022 ended on a pleasant note. 

For months I've been battling a deadly fatigue. In November, on a return trip from Ohio to visit my son and family, I fell asleep at the wheel. I woke before disaster struck, but it terrified me. I didn't understand why I was so tired. On my trip there, I was so sleepyI could hardly stay awake but thought it was my allergy pill. It wasn't.

I kept thinking the sleepiness problem resulted from a new medication my doctor gave me and so kept moving meds around trying to find a solution. Nothing worked. When I say I was sleepy, I was falling asleep on my feet on some days. More than once I've had to tell my son, Mike, that I had to go to bed immediately and left the room. Once in bed, I pass out. So, after falling asleep at the wheel, I contacted my doctor. 

As of December, I knew I'd be going back to Ohio for a week and had to get to the bottom of it. I contacted my sleep apnea doctor, and they told me my "numbers" showed that my mask was leaking badly and since they recalled it, I needed to come in and get fitted for a new sleep mask. 

I did. After three days, I was no longer getting sleepy and was more alert. A trip to my Primary care doctors days later and she restructured my medication doses to night. Within a week, I felt amazing and could do things I could not do for months because I couldn't stay awake. I could even write the narrative for my church's Christmas program and record it so they could play it in the program. I couldn't believe the change.

December 26, I drove to Columbus, Ohio to spend a week there with Sarah, my granddaughter. We had a wonderful time visiting thrift stores, eating out, going to a movie and visiting the Conservatory there. She is amazing and such fun. It was like old times, when she lived with me. I didn't get to spend as much time with the rest of the family because they were in Florida on a vacation. (It's a long story, but Sarah was supposed to be somewhere else and it fell through and couldn't be added to the trip at the last minute. I was "babysitting".) 

When I drove home this past Tuesday, I left at 5 a.m. and the weather was horrendous. Pitch black and pouring rain. Traffic was difficult, but since it wasn't rush hour, not too bad. My biggest problem occurred because the lines on the highway were so worn I couldn't see them in the storm. Terrifying since there are no street lights on highways anymore. However, I took my time driving 60 mph. When I got to Cincinnati, traffic had worsened, but the rain was getting better and the sky lighter. I pulled off for breakfast around 7:30, just past Cincy. 

My next stop was about 80 miles from home. I stopped at Loves Truck Stop for a break and to get a drink. After that, I didn't stop again until I parked in my garage. It was around noon. 

The rest of this week has been a slower pace. I've cleaned a little each day. While I was away, Mike came and babysat my cats. I have three, in case you didn't know. He did a good job of keeping things tidy. However, dust and cat hair still rule when I'm not here. So, I've been cleaning one room at a time and washing rugs and vacuuming floors. Tomorrow, the living room and my bedroom are the last I have to do. 

So, here we are. A new year. I pray it will be a good one, but I hold little hope for the world. I trust in God to see me through. May He watch over you as well.