A Couple of Mice

Tuesday Turmoil

It's been one of those days where anything that could go wrong will. I knew when I got up this morning that I had not had enough of the right kind of sleep. For one thing, my mask was off. I don't know when I took it off but Sarah woke me up at 4 pm and it was off at that point. I believe it was off about 2 hours. I base this on the time I went to bed and the number of hours the online meter says I had with the mask on.

So, I went back to bed as soon as Sarah left. I did not sleep in the recliner. I got back into my warm comfy bed. I slept 2 hours. When I got up I was not feeling well because I had a headache probably because I slept without my mask on during my nap. I should have put the mask on. It was an oversight on my part but I didn't really think I would go to sleep. I felt like I would just rest a minute.

I got up and called Mike to come and change the water filter and the air filter. He came. He attempted to change the water filter and broke it. He successfully changed the air filter. So, now I have no filter on my sink and the water here taste like crap. It comes out of the Ohio River and is processed in a plant using red clay as one of the components. It tastes like mud.

They no longer make this water filter. It was discontinued long ago. I have three brand new filters in storage because they have to be changed every 6 months. So, I Googled it. Lo and behold, on jet.com I found it. It is my exact water filter for roughly $40.00. So I ordered it. It should be here in a few days. I think we can survive the nasty water a day or two. I am not happy but it happens.

It could be worse. Things can always be worse. I'm very thankful for my blessings.

I'm sitting here typing this post on Wordpad with my headset and microphone. I mentioned using speech recognition to type in a previous post. I attempted it using Google docs with mixed results. Since I now have the headset and microphone, I decided to give the windows speech recognition software another shot. I'm pleased to report the result is astounding. Mistakes in the text have dropped to minuscule levels and correction has improved dramatically.
                                                                                                                                                                  I'm sure that my typing is much faster than writing this way. However, this is something I need because there are still days when my hands hurt and I can't type well, so I don't do anything. This feature will allow me to type on days when I don't feel well. I must get in a mindset though to do so. I am used to typing 60 to 70 words a minute when I'm writing. This is slowing me down considerably.

The day is almost over and I hope that tonight I can go to bed early again and perhaps do better on the sleep because yesterday I got a tremendous amount done. One can only hope.

I'd do hope that tomorrow is a better day in more ways than one.

A Jaunt and Story Structure Architect - Feb 10, 2017

They're Here!

 If you've listened to the vlog posts (about 6 weeks ago) you know that in January I ordered a set of chairs from Lazy Boy. Well, they've arrived and I'm so excited. I went to pick them up this morning.

As soon as I got out of the car at the warehouse I saw them sitting in the doorway and thought what beautiful chairs. When I realized they were MY chairs, I was overjoyed. They are much prettier than I expected and so comfortable. Sarah immediately laid claim to one and honored me with the other.

My living room is not very large and now it is full again. I'll miss the space I've had without the chairs but it nice to have them. I rearranged some tables and moved some stuff around after I took the photos but I'll probably post a video later on. I just wanted to share my excitement with you.

Now, no more food in the living room. No putting feet on the furniture. There's no room anyway and this stuff has to last me the rest of my life.

That's it for this post. I'll come back later and catch you up.

Missing Sleep

A Beautiful Day

Friday Morning Foray 01/27/2017

Disgusted

First Day out of the New Year, 1/21/2017

Sleepless in the Car

Happy New Year... Late

We made it! I wasn't sure for a moment there but we arrived, only a little worse for wear.

My I've been away for a while. I've sort of fallen off the grid with this particular blog. To be honest, I've been ill for months, since November, with a hideous cold. I won't go into great detail but NaNoWriMo started in November and things were going well until about the second week. I had a cold that got worse and required antibiotics but despite that, it blew my NaNo to bits. Had it not been for my co-ML and another participant, I don't know what I'd have done. By the first week of December, I thought I was better.

That lasted a week and I was down again with a second round of the cold. This required a second round of antibiotics and I had to come off all of my RA meds for three weeks. I was sick until the first week of 2017. I began to feel human again. But the last several weeks I've battled fatigue that has made it impossible to do anything for more than a couple of hours a day.

I've been trying to write more if I can stay well and awake enough. I told a friend recently I was ready to give up on my writing. It is depressing to sit down and find that you can't think and you don't know what to do or even how to do it. I've been writing all my life and to reach this point is very discouraging.

I discovered over the holiday that Google Docs has a voice typing feature. My computer has a program installed just for that purpose and I've tried it a few times but it just wasn't very good. I could buy a dication program but they are ridiculously expensive and the reviews all say similar things about the inefficiency and need to extensive training. So, this morning I did a short session with Google Docs using the voice typing. I was astounded. It was error free. The biggest drawback was that I am ignorant of the commands to make edits. I'm going to go check for those and see how well it performs. I'm kind of excited about the idea because some days I am not well enough to sit in a chair for a few hours but I think it might be possible to write if I could voice type. We'll see.

As I said, I've done nothing this year so far. We're 15 days in and I've only about 500 words to show for it and a couple of bedrooms switched around. Sarah decided she wanted the full-sized bed instead of the twin. Frankly, it is better in her room. The twin fits better in the smaller room and I'm going to get it set up as a play area for her. She still doesn't like her dolls in her room and they can now have their own space and she'll be able to play with them much easier. They'll even have some drawers for their clothes.

I have plans to do some traveling this year. I don't know about very long trips. My problems with my RA and the fatigue are very inhibiting. I'm kind of afraid of getting off somewhere and being too ill to drive home. Driving with the fatigue is very scary. I had to go someone a week or so ago and it was terrible. I was terrified I'd have an accident because I was unable to focus well. I'm a good driver and never had an accident or a ticket but this was so bad I knew I had to get out of the car. I came home and immediately crashed in my chair for three hours. I slept so hard I felt drugged when I woke up.

Okay, think that's enough for now and it gets me started. I really ought to get a plan for blog posts. I don't think more than a half dozen folks really read this blog but at least it keeps me writing. It was always just a journal and several times I've considered closing it. But it gives me a place to just natter on about the trivial life I live. Sometimes people comment and I  love that. The other two blogs are more directed and I find it easier at times to post there than here.

I hope those of you who are reading have a wonderful new year, wherever you are and however you celebrate. I pray for blessings and grace in your life and may you have only great joy this year and beyond. Thank you for coming by and I hope you'll return. If not, Happy New Year anyway.

A Day Shopping 12/29/2016

Where Have I Been?

No idea. Things have sort of been chaotic. I've been sick... twice. In November, during NaNo, I caught a monster cold the second week. Got antibiotics on the 16th and spent the next two weeks, including Thanksgiving sick. I flunked NaNo, barely able to get 5000 words.

I had a week's respite before the second monster cold hit me. I suspect a relapse. I battled it two more weeks and on the 19th, I got another round of antibiotics.

I am STILL battling this cold. I still have a runny nose, despite the doctor's assertion that I have an upper respiratory infection and the antibiotic would clear that up. I still am coughing and I can tell you my right lung is not letting go of the crud without a serious fight. I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks because I can't wear my CPAP mask. I wake up choking and coughing and have to take it off. The coughing is beginning to lessen and there is less junk in my chest but I'm telling you, it has been bad.

As a result of the second round of antibiotics, I have to stay off my RA meds more than just a week. My immune system is so suppressed that I'm catching everything. At the moment, I've been about 5 days with no meds and I was due for the Humira shot on Monday. I skipped it. I am just thankful that at the moment, my pain is not an issue. When you can't breathe, some things just become unimportant to the brain I guess.

That being said, I had a relatively calm Thanksgiving with my family here in town.  I helped Sarah's mom move into her new apartment. I am going to miss them. I miss little Madi toddling around getting into stuff and giving me morning kisses. It was nice to have someone to talk to and go shopping with once in a while. I suspect I'll pop around regularly to get my kisses. The house was alive again for a bit.

Christmas has also been nice. My youngest son is in with his family from Arkansas. Tonight we decorated the tree, which is a good indicator of how much better I am feeling. I had it up before the 19th last year. This year, I was seriously thinking who needs a tree. But with the help of my granddaughter Alyssa, we had it up in no time and it looks good. I did not put up all my decorations, as I would have liked. Who needs decorations.

So, that's what the last two months have been like. I don't have a clear memory of much else because it all passed in a blur of coughing crud and snot. Yes, I said snot. I need to buy stock in tissue companies in the worst way.

I hope all who are reading this will have a wonderful Christmas holiday. My you find the true reason for the season in your own life. I celebrate the birth of the Savior.

On The Mend

I believe I'm on the mend. I'm coughing less and feeling less achy. I have a headache tonight but I have nearly every day I've been sick, particularly since I started  the antibiotic. I'm also off my RA meds for the time being until the cold is clear. So I could be having pain due to either one or both. I am very tired tonight so will not be doing much on this post. 

I start the week hoping I can knock out at least another 5000 words on my NaNo novel. As I mentioned, this is a previous NaNo novel that was near completion. I'm not stressing about it but it would be nice to start Dec. 1 with a completed draft. I think 5k is a stretch. I don't think it will take that much more to finish. Still, that's my goal, at any rate. I've got a plan in mind to work on the draft, i.e. rewrite, through next November. My next goal would be to edit that draft and get some feedback. 

We'll have to see. I've been known to get very ill when I make such plans. I'll tackle one goal at a time. I'm hoping that the meds will continue to work and I can keep my brain going. 

So, this is good night. 

It's Over!

I'm sitting in front of the fire, in my recliner feeling like yesterday's sludge. I have a cold that keeps hanging on. It has toyed with me for over a week now. I suppose I need to get some meds but when you take about 25 pills a day you don't want to add new ones.

The election is over and I doubt anyone is any happier than I. Trump is triumphant and 50% of the population is in a panic thinking they're going to be assaulted by Republican zombies or stripped of citizenship. Sad that the media has created this environment. If they stuck to political facts instead of personal attacks... well that's not going to happen.

What I find highly amusing is the illegals protesting. You have no voice in this election. No right to complain about our process. Go back to Mexico and straighten out your own country. We got this. Despite your belief, the Constitution only applies to citizens rights, not illegals.

Whew! Sorry about that. It just ticked me off seeing criminals protesting our government. This is the kind of thing Americans are angry about. This is OUR country. If you don't like our laws, get out.

I reviewed my blog posts and I'm very lax about this blog these days. I rarely post here anymore. It has always been more of a journal and I haven't felt a need to journal in recent months. I've either been too sick or too tired or too busy. Not so much drama either. And I've specialized the other two blogs so that takes a lot of what would normally be here. I suspect this blog is dying a slow death. Sad in a way. I started it in 2005 I think, 11 years ago. Lots of life happened.

I'm leaving to listen to the fire popping and try and nap. Only 5 hrs sleep last night and the cold have left me feeling bad.

Why yes, that is a Youtube fireplace.

The Big Moment

So, another day on the patio enjoying the weather. It has been a great week to sit outside and I'm so thankful for the chance to do that. The house is clean and there's nothing calling me away. Well, my unmade bed is making noises but I can't hear them out here. I will go buy groceries this afternoon, with reluctance, but of necessity.

It has taken a couple of months but it almost feels like I'm getting my footing. Of course, I live with the cautious attitude that anything can go wrong, and probably will, but I've reached a place where now is the most important thing. I'm not promised tomorrow and yesterday is finished. I just have to get through today. When you live with chronic pain, you learn not to think about anything but today.

So, I'm enjoying today. Tomorrow can take care of itself.

I hope you'll have a great day. Enjoy your little moments. You can make them big ones. The only big moment you'll get may be right now. Make this moment your big moment and if there is a bigger one later, you'll get double enjoyment. If it is a bad moment, you will have had this moment.

Whirlwind

Out here on the ledge, life does strange things, not always good but not always bad. What's happened since August? Things have been busy and I have had no time to post to this journal. What writing I've done has been in other areas.

I started going to church closer to home. It has been a good decision. I've been able to go more often, almost every service. The later service times gives my body time to adjust and the joints time to warm up. And although the service is longer, there is only the one and the evening isn't exhausting.

The doctor put me on Cymbalta for pain. It was immediate relief. For the last month, I've had very little pain. I am not as fatigued as I was and don't have the associated brain fog.

I've been very busy the last two weeks since my granddaughter's mother moved back to town. We're still friends, even though my son is no longer married to her and having company is actually nice. She's waiting for housing to come through and until then, I actually have someone to visit with.

Mike got second job and seems to be doing well. I'm really proud of him.

I've been reading more since I'm not a zombie. But I am off track with the writing. I'm hoping this week things will settle down and I'll be able to get back to it.

Now that I've updated, I'm going to bed.

Treasures

I found this in the papers I cleaned out a couple of months ago. There is no date but I suspect he was about Sarah's age (10).

Things like this were always important to me and so I hung on to them. No one else cares now but I'll put them all in a file with dozens of letters from family members, some who are already gone. Jerry kept some cards the boys gave him and I still have them. They were important to him, too. Whoever is left at the end of the day can put them all in the garbage.

I'm on the downhill side of my life and I've lost so many of the people who gave my life meaning. Going through the debris left in the wake of living often brings surprises. Running across such things brightens a moment of time.  A bright face seems to just appear, in a twinkling, blinking out before you can grab hold and pull it close.

 Life changes so quickly. You don't see it coming. You anticipate the joys but you can't anticipate the pain.

Just so you know, you won't always get love letters or phone calls. You won't always have someone to tell you they love you. In fact, some of the people who used to tell you will stop long before either of you leave the world. I love you very much.... How long? Only children can make that promise because for them life is long. For those of us who live long, we know nothing is forever. People change, love ends, life ends, and you can't change it or stop it.

So, finding treasures such as this will warm your heart or it may cut it out of you. They're still treasures. Keep them. And if you had one person loved you for even a short span of your life, you're a rich person.

More of the Same

Things have been rather slow since I got back from Arkansas. My RA has been at near peak performance for months and I've grown a bit weary of it. A good day here and there is never enough relief. The barrage of storms that continue to roll across S. Indiana are a constant source of pain and the pain keeps me exhausted.

They are once again going to adjust my Cpap machine to try and reduce my apnea events. Obviously, I'm having too many. Is this why I'm tired? Who knows. I'm in constant pain, usually moderately severe. I sleep in pain and I wake in pain. You don't rest like that. So, I don't know if the adjustment will help.

And no, the Humira has not helped. They said six months to see a change. I'm 3 months in. Very little improvement, if any, is noted. In fact, I see signs of things worsening. I'm gaining weight because I can barely walk most days and have less strength in my legs and arms. Jars present Olympic challenges. Any work performed robs me of days of energy.

Reading is difficult because concentration is bad. Writing is difficult for the same reason and my hands hurt. Sitting hurts my back after long periods but walking hurts my hips. I actually feel better mentally when I can get some exercise if joint pain doesn't make it impossible to bear.

This has been a year of hell. I'm not usually a quitter but I've stopped fighting. It isn't going to get better. I don't want to think about what it is going to become.

Dreaming

I used to have the most vivid dreams. They say we dream in black and white but I dreamed in color and I'd have the most interesting dreams. I stopped dreaming years ago for a very long time. I don't know why but probably due to my sleep disorder. To dream, you actually have to sleep well.

Not dreaming can't be good. They say it helps you work out problems and frustrations in your waking life. I think that is true and I miss my vivid dreams. Perhaps I still dream and they're just not memorable. After they started treating me for the sleep apnea I did start to have a few dreams but not very memorable ones or very vivid.

Until last night. I dreamed and the dream stuck with me after I woke up. It was quite vivid and for some reason disturbed me. It might be because there was so much confusion in the dream. Even now, as I write this post, I'm confused by it. Some of it fades but fortunately, I wrote it down. You can see it is filled with confusion.

In my dream I was going to a funeral, I think. I thought I was with someone (Daddy) and when I parked the car I told them I could find it when I came out. Then I was alone inside a huge church packed with black people and I thought a black person was dead. They all had on white hats and I remember they were singing but not the song.

At first, I was seated toward the back and high up but then I was near the front left on the end of the pew and two white women were seated on my right. The nearest was blond or gray haired. Beyond them were two people I knew, Loraine and Joseph. They used to live in town and moved to Nashville. I didn't know why they were in the church. Or my dream.

I suddenly had a tablet and had turned it on. I don't know why I had it but I was listening to something and the woman next to me told me to turn it off. She was very rude and then the woman next to her was snarling to turn it off. I was frustrated at getting caught with it on, even though I didn't understand why it was on in church. I told them I was trying to shut it down but didn't know how. I finally got it off but the woman said something ugly to me but I don't know what. She pointed out that Loraine and Joseph left and said it was my fault. I could see them walking up the sloping aisle of the church.

I started to leave but went back to tell the woman that she didn't know anything about me, who I was or what I'd been thru and then I felt bad for being nasty to her. I said that I didn't know her either and was sorry for being disruptive and left.

Outside it was pitch black but I saw Loraine and Joseph driving away. I was surrounded by woods. Cars were parked willy nilly around the woods and I couldn't find mine. I was getting panicky, using the emergency button on my key, hoping to set off the car alarm so I could find my car. I felt there were people going to their cars but didn't see anyone. I remembered telling someone I could find my car again.

Then it was daytime and the building was surrounded by parking areas. There was a creek and beyond it a parking area. In the light, I could see that there were parking areas all around. I kept walking trying to find my car, pointing the key and pushing the button. 

Then, I was on the street and it was lined with cars. I walked a moment or two and turned into another parking area. I stopped and dug out my phone and told someone to call home (who?) but saw it had all these games on it. 

I started deleting them until I realized I needed to call home and ask where the car was. Then I realized I didn't have my phone. It looked very weird with a small screen and was a pink color. I didn't know whose phone it was but I knew mine was in my purse. I handed the phone to someone (?) and began to dig in my purse.

I woke up.