Up & At 'Em

Woke up with a terrible sore throat and headache right behind my eyes! Not a migraine, thank goodness but still annoying. Swallowing is terrible! I have a write-in at 1 so must get it together. I'm only posting because ... I have no idea.

It is a sunny, sunny day and 52F. Too cold to go without a jacket. I need to go out and get some supplies but I don't want to go. 

I'm really annoyed about the sore throat. No idea where I picked it up but people come in go in my office and some of the clients, not the co-workers, are just nasty. I handle paper that sometimes looks like I need rubber gloves. So, anywhere. I try to be really careful because of the medicine I take but still, invariable, something catches me. [sigh]

Bummer day in my word count, too. I didn't quite make it yesterday. I just wasn't into it and even though I tried, I got so tired last night I simply crashed. So, today I try and catch up. That's never good in NaNo.

Funky Friday

I'm eleven days into NaNo. I haven't done today's word count and I may not. I've been doing fine but tonight is the first night I've had alone in oh, three weeks. My sister felt well enough to go back to her house tonight. She's doing much better after getting more rest. 

But I realized as soon as the house got quiet that I'm really tired. I've been running on full speed for a while and maybe I've just run out of gas. I don't know. I've been in a funky sort of mood all day. When I'm like this I'm my own worst enemy. I say too much, think too much, and I listen to everything I think. I know. That makes no sense but I understand it. 

My mind is moving at a tremendous rate which is somehow very interesting. If you've read over my blogs you know that my mind has been pretty much out to lunch for a while. But not this last several weeks. It seems that the doors have been opened and the windows throw up and lots of light, in the form of thoughts, ideas, and totally impossible schemes are just pouring in. 

I don't KNOW what that means.  And no, I have no idea what precipitated it. I've learned in my astronomically short life not to questions the good things. Take them for granted. By astronomically I mean my age when compared to the life of stars as opposed to my age compared to yours. We're both pretty  young my way. I'll take as much clearheadedness as I can absorb but it is almost overwhelming at times.

Does darkness creep in or lurk nearby? You know when I even write the word I see it. I can feel it. Darkness. The inscribed word takes on a feeling, a presence, a form. I've described it other places in the blog. Suffice it to say, I know darkness intimately. And the answer to the question is yes. Once it has been a part of you, it always hang around. At the moment, he's over in the corner biding his time. Sometimes he touches me. It is not a loving touch. I have a healthy respect for it because I know that one wrong move and it can envelope me in smothering folds.

Why am I writing this post? If I had the answer to every question I'd have nothing to wonder about and lots of money.  I'd be on a beach in some island hideaway soaking up Vitamin D by the gallon. 

I don't know. It seemed like a good thing to do. I told you, funky mood. All day like this. 

Busy Bee

I called in sick today. My lower back is bugging me. I think I slept wrong but it could be because I spent most of the day yesterday, my day off, not getting up from my chair enough. I spent time writing and chatting online and I actually slept in a little. I went to lunch with Dave, Becca and Sarah. If you've seen the video you know that was fun.

Speaking of videos, is anyone having trouble loading them at Multiply? I've actually started loading them on Youtube and using the embed feature because Multiply just is harder than ever to upload. At least this way they cross over to Blogger when the post does.

Today, I'm working on files I brought home on Monday to work on on Tuesday which I did not do. I'll be done in a few hours I suspect. It is just reviewing them to see if they have all the required documents. Tedious and something I never have time for when I'm actually AT work! And these are people who never read their check sheet, or think they are smarter than I am and that I won't notice unreported items, or they're lazy and dont' show up for their appointment and are missing everything!

So, I'm reviewing files. I have about 25 on my desk at work I need to process and another 25 here I'm working on! It is endless.

The NaNo story is going ok. Not brilliant but it is plodding along. I'm probably putting in a lot of junk but it keeps me moving and I do like some of the lines I've got so far. Simon is a very entertaining character to write. I haven't had to consult my British friends yet but I have spent a lot of time looking up slang terms to use. I forgot that a flashlight is a torch in Britian. My problem is Simon has been a world traveler so long that he's less British and more Cosmo. So, while things from his youth and upbringing hang on, it isn't as if I have to pour colloquialisms into it. I need just enough to flavor it so the reader gets it.

I've managed to beat the darkness back that has sort of crept up on me a few days ago. I still feel relatively good. Pain is still there but minor compared to what it has been. I can deal with it for the most part. My brain is what is shocking! Really. It is as if I got this shot of awake and for the most part I can think! You have no idea how that feels! I simply do not know how anyone can do drugs and keep their brain in a cloud of nothing. I hate it.

Ok, back to work. I need to be done in two hours so I can work on my NaNo story.

I'm sorry I've been MIA again but you all know I do this every year and this year it is more hectic than usual and I'm so excited to be, lol, awake that I just haven't had time to blog!

What A Nickle Will Buy

A Dixie NaNo Update

From The Over 40 Crowd

This was sent to me by a co-worker and I was in tears after reading it. Hysterical tear. If you're offended by swear word, I apologize but hey, I'm not sure I haven't been there a few times.


When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill....Barefoot... BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
     
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.  You've got it so easy!  I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!  And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet.  If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!  

2) There was no email!!  We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!  Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there!  Stamps were 10 cents!

3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us.  As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes!  If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!  There were no CD players!  We had tape decks in our car.  We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless.  Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby!  Dig?

6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting!  If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOSH !!!  Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!!  And then there's TEXTING.  Yeah, right.  Please!  You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was!  It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent.... you just didn't know!!!  You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!  We had the Atari 2600!  With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'...  Your screen guy was a little square!  You actually had to use your imagination!!!  And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever!  And you could never win.  The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!  Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!  You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!!  NO REMOTES!!!  Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.  Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves.  If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!  Imagine that!  
   
13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long.  Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort.  And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

14) And car seats - oh, please!  Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on.  If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!  

See!  That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten!  You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970   or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd

True Story

Tonight my sister and I were just discussing fashion and how certain things just are beyond belief in discomfort. I told her that I felt like the high heel was invented during the Inquisition by men. It wasn't enough to have a woman drawn and quartered, they wanted her to strut her stuff down a runway first.


She said, "No it was a Frenchman, the Marquis de Sade."


She mentioned that the bra was another fashion item invented by men. She said, "Titzling."


I said, "He's German."


I also suggested the heels may have originated with Louis 14, he of the red heels.


She said, "That's one sick bunch."


I asked if she had seen these reports of men now wearing high heels. She said, "Lord yes, and carrying purses."


I said, "God, give me a real man wearing cowboy boots, tight jeans, and a hat."


She said, "There are some men saying the same thing."

To Much Thinking

I'm trying to figure out why, with all the busyness going one around here, that I can't keep my feelings upbeat. I have all these really great people I'm related to, associated with, acquainted with... whatever. They send me lovely notes, funny jokes, and even hugs. And I feel like crap.

No, really, not sick but just annoyingly sad. Every single thing in my life has this overlay of sad. Yes, everything. All the colors are muted by this film of sad. Do you remember seeing books, usually anatomy books, that had these pictures of the skeleton and these clear overlays with different organs and layers of the body. First the internal organs, then circulatory system, neverous systems, muscles, ligaments, dermis... If you do you're really really old. But that's what its like. All this underlying good stuff, overlain by this grey yuck called sad.

Maybe I'm over thinking this. Godliness with contentment is great gain. Well... duh! I have no quarrel with the godliness part. I try really hard. Haven't attained perfection yet. We're all in a hurry to get there without really considering what that means. Once you're done here folks, you're done! So, take your time with the perfection thing, do it right the first time.

No, its that contentment thing. Maybe that's overrated. I have no idea what it looks like really. Sometimes I think I might have clue but I then find I was mistaken. And I keep asking myself, have I always been discontent? Has there always been this habit of seeing everything with that grey film? I don't remember!

I keep saying, to myself mostly, that life was meant to be enjoyed and I need to do that. Well, I'm glad I'm not dead. Does this count?

And Friday Rolled In

Gloomy, cold, and damp. At least it isn't raining but the forecast is
for sun! Right.

I have a headache this morning, only a slight one. I didn't sleep well
last night either. I had a bad moment or two. I went to the cemetery
on my way home from work. Let me just say that cemeteries are not
cheerful places on a good day. On a cold, rainy, grey day they're even
worse. I started feeling a bit down around three o'clock. On an
average day my co-workers don't bug me a lot, because I don't let
them. But yesterday, some of them just got on my nerves and it was
silly things that I'd usually ignore.

Suffice it to say, I finished the day tired and depressed. So, hey!
Why not stop by and visit the dead! Good idea. Not.

Look, I've had a terrific two weeks of no pain, or nearly no pain.
I've been able to think and write. All the stuff going on at the
moment has got me a bit frazzled and I'm thinking that is the problem.

Forget that. I'm lying. To myself. Sleep hasn't been as good this
week. I'm not used to having people in the house and even though
they're no trouble at all obviously, house guest always change the
dynamics of your day. Still, I can deal with that. No, what I think is
happening is November. Thanksgiving is coming. Christmas is coming.
New Year is coming and January 29 is coming. NaNoWriMo is a busy time
for me and keeps me occupied but at the same time, I'm slammed with
this absence, this hole in the holiday, every blasted year.

You've all tolerated a lot over the last x number of years. I'll be
very honest here. There is this woman in my head. I don't really know
her but I see her as clearly as if she were in front of me. If I
thought about it I could probably describe what she's wearing.
Seriously. She appeared the night Jerry died. She stands with hands on
either side of her head, covering her ears, her eyes squeezed shut and
she is screaming. Some days, when it was truly bad, she came out.
These days I try really hard to ignore her. She doesn't stop. I don't
know how to make her.

I know. Can't be good. But there you go.

The Green Thing

I love this! SO true.

In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she
should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good
for the environment.

The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green
thing back in my day."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did
not care enough to save our environment."

He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to
the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and
sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and
over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every
store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't
climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two
blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the
throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling
machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry
the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or
sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right; we
didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every
room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief
(remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have
electric machines to do everything for us.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded
up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut
the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised
by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on
treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup
or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.

We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we
replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the
whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their
bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour
taxi service.

We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets
to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget
to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in
order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old
folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a
lesson in conservation from a smarta** young person.

The Green Thing

Oh What a Week

I can't believe I haven't posted since the first of the week! I've
been so busy. I do NOT want to rehash it.

My sister had surgery on Monday and she's been discharged today. She
seems to be doing well but of course now comes recovery time.

Nano, of course started on Monday. I've been trying to keep up with
the regional board and a Facebook group page for the region. It is a
bit hectic but I'm beginning to get a handle on it. I'm answering post
and emails and answering questions for that. I also am writing my own
novel. I'm current in my word count as of last night. Tonight, I'll
have to do my 1666 to stay current. But I'm not giving myself any
grief over this. I'll do what I can and that's it.

I have a write-in to host tomorrow night at Panera. I have a write-in
to host Saturday afternoon at Abbey Road Coffee Emporium. My region is
climbing in numbers. Two weeks ago I think it was about 340-35, have
to check my blogs. Today, it is at 389 people registered with my
region.  That's wild. Of course, I'll never see all of them but the 50
newbies could pop up at a write-in. That'd be a shocker for me! Panera
might be able to handled it and Abbey Road says they can but I dunno!

Still do not have tremendous amounts of pain. I've been saying the a
couple of days the weather was going to change and it did. The hip and
right lower back at my hip has hurt the last two days and it stormed
last night.  The hip felt as if I was begin hit with a sledge hammer.
But neck and shoulder have been just fine. Thank you, God! All over
pain levels are dramatically down. I find myself getting afraid at
every twinge. I've felt so great, so clear headed that I'm terrified
it will go away.

Finally, the lines that were expected for applications dissipated by
10:00 a.m. and now it is a trickle. I'm glad. I can get my own work
done! It was very orderly and no problems but some folks had sat out
there all night! Crazy. Doesn't make the wait any shorter. They feel
like they'll get on faster but there are other things that affect how
fast we process them. So a day won't make a considerable difference.

My friend Loraine is having surgery today. Keep her in your prayers.
She was quite upbeat about it but obviously when you're cut open it is
serious. This is a reconstruction surgery after a colonectomy. Not
sure that's a word but it is what it is. She's been doing very well
since the first surgery and now just wants it all done so she can move
on to other things that are more fun.

Everyone have a good day. It is rainy and gloomy here but the red
leaves across the street are quite cheerful!

Hitting the Pavement

I didn't get far into the light before I fell flat on my face. Literally.

I went to the store and picked up something for Becca to decorate with and was delivering it to her house yesterday before I went to lunch and to do my shopping. She was at the playground with Sarah and that's where we headed.

The sidewalks there have steps at odd places but they aren't marked and tend to blend with the rest of the walkway. She's fallen and I've tripped several times. Yesterday, I did a pancake.

My right foot hit the step and I fell like a falling tree. Straight down on my stomach and chest. I had the forethought, amazing what happens in your mind in split seconds, to arch my back and tilt my head back and use my hands to break my fall, barely. My nose was inches from the sidewalk when it was over. And I couldn't get up a minute.

I rolled over and struggled to a sitting position. There is a fence where I fell. It was difficult because everything was screaming in pain. Mike tried to help me up but I had to just sit for a bit. Knees smacked the ground first and then I fell forward bringing my hands up to brace me. I felt it everywhere. I had a scratch on my knee and my right palm, in the fleshy part near the wrist was scraped. My right wrist was hurting and I know I'd heard something pop. Left hand had a minor abrasion.

Mike looked at my knee and said, 'Well Mom, at least you didn't tear you panty hose!"

{Mom shakes head}

He had yelled at Becca almost immediately. I really couldn't get up! It was crazy but everything was just aching. We went to her apartment where I washed the scrapes and put liquid bandage on them. I iced the wrist. It was achy but I didn't think it was broken. A vein popped up and turned blue but the ice helped. Still, it was stiffening nicely and I decided I should have it x-rayed to be sure. And if I had to file a claim it would be on record.

So, x-ray showed no beaks.l They sent me home. Home, I went. Dropped Mike off at his house and called it a day.

Nothing accomplished.

Today, my usual pain is gone but I'm stiff all over.

How shower in five.

Into the Light?

I'm actually on my way out. I've been absolutely swamped, running all over. I haven't had this much fun since . . . well years. I have had so little pain in years! I'm awake and it feels sort of like Sleeping Beauty must have felt.

O.k. cue Prince Charming, please.

The Meet & Greet was a resounding success. Twenty people showed up and it was tremendous fun to talk and laugh with them all. I got to meet Loraine's husband, who is NOT doing NaNo but I really wanted to meet him and I think she just asked him to join her. The age range of the group was 15 to 55. Guess who was oldest? :-( Everyone seemed to be very excited and really glad to be there. I'm really looking forward to the month. Now if I can just get an idea.....

Cue plot bunnies, please.

Say a prayer for Loraine. She has her second surgery this month. They say it is easier than the first but who knows.

I'm on my way out to do some shopping and pick up Mike. I'm sure he'll want to have lunch with me. He needs hearing aid supplies I think so we'll be going to Beltone, too. Hope no one thinks it for me!

Had an epiphany this week in the car. The thought went through my mind, really a question, "Am I happy?" I really did think about it. My brain is working much better since I'm not dealing with pain and lack of sleep. I had an answer pretty quickly. "I'm enjoying what I'm doing. I am not happy."

I know, bit of an oxymoron. And yet, it is true. I don't actually think happiness is possible anymore. I'm living in a moment. I'm capturing whatever light I can pull around me. I'm latching onto whoever makes me smile, laugh, or feel special. I'm not thinking about tomorrow in any real or long term sense. It will have to take care of itself.

I just don't want to go back in that cave. I really, really don't.

FRIDAY! The Mad Rush to the Weekend

OTGIF!

You've already been apprised of my week. But thankfully, joyfully, splendidly, I've felt wonderful this week compared to how I've felt all year! Virtually NO pain!

Must give God the Praise. Sunday night, Bro Ashcraft visited our church again and I asked him to pray for me again. Remember my feet and how badly they were hurting all the time? After the Sunday night he came over and told me he was going to pray for my feet, I've had almost no pain in my feet. I have not been waking up crippled before I get out of bed. So Sunday I just went up when they asked if anyone wanted prayer. I didn't say what for. And he did.

I had a lot of neck pain that day. By Monday night I have virtually none. I've been sleeping better for a few weeks now but still had pain issues. This week I have one spot that has bothered me and it was so mild I took Tylenol for it!

So, Praise the Lord for that! Will it come back, who knows. I'll take every blessing I get gladly.

I had the Writer's meeting last night. Loraine brought a small cake and she and I and Doug had birthday cake. The others couldn't make it. I talked so much I finally asked someone else to talk because I was babbling. They laughed at me and did! LOL

Tonight, Meet & Greet. In fact, my hair is in a towel now and I have to go get it dry and put on my sweater.

I've had virtual roses in the Smoking Pen and a poem from Dragon (screen name don't know his real name but a nice fellow to write with). I've had a Cracker Barrel gift card from Roselynn, a Starbucks gift card and a birthday cake from Loraine and today my friend Carolyn at work gave me a new beaded watchband. It is really pretty. She always gets me something every year. Must remember her this year! Her birthday is the end of December and she is usually not at work and I don't see her. So a nicer day than I had envisioned. In fact, in the Pen tonight they appear to be gearing up for a birthday party! At least that is what I hear.

So, off for now. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Why?

I'm doing my usual ramble online. I do this by reading headlines I have on my Google homepage. This one, "Mass Alien Abduction Experiment in Los Angeles", struck my fancy.

First, I'm not surprised by the location. LaLa Land is centered in this area. People there do weird thing, well, weirder than the rest of us it seems. If you're from LaLa Land and find this offensive, you proved my point. If you can't laugh at yourself, you're crazy.

Second, and the title of this post, WHY? Why would you do such and experiment if you believe the stories of alien abduction? Did they pick only unbelievers? If so, does that corrupt the data because only unbelievers were used? And if only believer were used, can I trust that the data is not tainted by their FAITH? Takes faith to believe in something you can't actually prove.

If they used both believers and non-believers, what does that mean? Does it mean that they actually were abducted or that it was all in their heads. And if you have an OBE, does it mean you weren't abducted? I mean, we have a soul in my belief system. So, if you're soul leaves your body and goes "somewhere else" without your permission, isn't that an abduction?

I think it leaves far more questions that it answers. The biggest one. WHY!

Mid-Week Mayhem, Madness & Meltdown

Oh my stars and garters! What a week it's been and what a week to come. The past week has been chaotic. We had to help admissions on ... I don't remember the day! Basically, we all had to take applications... oh, last Wednesday, and enter them in the computer. These are the last of our waiting list to be entered. I lost a day of my own work! You all know this happens all the time.

We had a couple of computer issues. Who ya gonna call? Fortunately, it was the nut behind the wheel in one case and in the other a power supply issue that can't be fixed by moi. Call my backup, Jay, supertech! He took the old computer away for repair and hooked up our roaming laptop that we use for briefings for Stacey to use.

Then, I had the weekend with Sarah. Did I take Thursday and Friday off last week? I think I did. I don't remember! I had the P & P meeting on Saturday. Two people showed..... yes I know. But it's fine. They were nice and young and .... intimidated so it was fine. I really am NICE!

Monday rolls around and I'm three days behind. I spend Mon-Tues. catching up and putting out fires in all areas. Today we had move briefing. My day to do the presentation, as it usually is since no one else wants to do it. "But you do a really good job." Yes, I do since I wrote the blasted thing! And my spontaneous jokes are funny... most people laugh. Even the staff laughs. So... it is my one concession to exhibitionism.

After the briefing, which last about two hours, I took the laptop back to Stacey's office and reconnected everything. Then, I went to lunch with Carolyn. Came back to another meeting regarding setting up for the opening of the waiting list. We are opening the waiting list November 3 after three years! We expect ... couple of thousand people to show up. It is only open for ten days. There are 8 of us handling the crowd. There will be NO jokes.

Tomorrow it is software training in the a.m. and HUD training in the p.m. And the piles are growing, folks! Pretty soon you won't be able to find me. OH! Writer's Asylum meeting is tomorrow night!

Friday... God only  knows. Friday night, Meet & Greet for local NaNo's. If you're in the area, come on down!

Saturday I hope to goodness I can relax.

Sunday my aunt and uncle will arrive, unless they come Saturday.

Monday my sister, Phyllis, has surgery to remove her gall bladder. She will come home to MY house with my aunt Phillis and uncle Dale... they're wonderful, really. I don't know what I'd do without them.

We are now into November. Tuesday, NaNoWriMo starts and I have to come up with 1666 brilliant, exciting, wondrous words every night for a month. My original goal was to write at night from Mon. to Fri every week, skipping the weekends. That is 2273 words a day for 22 days... I can do that... really, 2273 words is not much for me.... generally. {sigh} I really, really want to do it that way.

I NEED AN IDEA!

Have I mentioned I'm feeling really, really good? So good that I'm terrified it will end.

A Song & Dance

Tuesday turned into a really pretty day. I just wish I could be home instead of work. However, when the boss is away I actually get a lot more real work done. Imagine that!

Got to tell you, my pain levels are so low it is almost astounding. Yes, I'm using the patches and I'm actually going to bed, if not by 10, at least before midnight. That's no mean feat, let me tell you. The Smoking Pen is open and you all know that when that happens, I'm out of pocket for weeks. The website upgrade has caused delays and difficulties on top of that and I'm trying to keep the ML stuff going. Then, Nano starts next Monday.

The closing on the loan is complete and I have to go by the courthouse today and file the paperwork for the loan. At least I thought I did. They just told me I have a year and I should wait at least a couple of months! Now I'll forget it and that will be a problem, too! Doh! I'll put it on my gmail calendar and it will remind me.

Still have no idea what I'm doing for NaNo. I hate going in blind. I've done it a few times but for some reason it feels all wrong this year to do that. I'm concerned  that I don't have an idea and won't have one!

Believe it or not, I'm blank now, too!

MIA and Other Stuff

Friday arrived on schedule.

I've been around but with NaNo approaching, my duties as ML, and my pain problems, I've not been in any position to do more than read your blogs, which I do. I don't think I've been leaving comments. After Grammy sent out a probe I figured I better pop in just to insure everyone knows I'm around. Don't you all go deleting me just cause I'm MIA a few days!

I'm doing o.k. Not perfect... pain was  pretty horrible from Sunday through Tuesday. I was so sick I really needed to be home but I simply can't afford to miss anymore work. I had a hideous migraine but I didn't really know that was part of the problem. My neck was so bad I was contemplating calling for a cervical block. I took an Imetrex to see if it would help on Tuesday at lunch when I realized I also had a headache. I got sicker but that is what they do to me. Feels like you're dying. No, seriously. I went home after work and got the hottest shower I could stand and lay down on the sofa where I stayed for hours just letting tv shows roll. I was better on Wednesday. Today, I'm relatively well although there is still mild pain in and around my neck and shoulders.

My shoulders hurt. I've had to put one of the patches on my left shoulder for week or so now, right on top of it. I think coupled with my neck problem and a migraine it all served to do me in. I do not know what triggered what but I think the shoulder is triggering the neck which in turn triggers the migraine. Just a guess. As good as I get at the doctor.

My plotting & planning meeting on Saturday is all set. I do not know who will show up. I'd like to see 15 but we'll see. The Meet & Greet is set for October 28 at 6:30 p.m at Panera Bread. I've given a couple of hours. We'll see. Really not sure how this is going to go.

November 1 it the start date, as you all have heard ad nauseum. I'm a bit excited but not overly. I have no ideas and that's a problem this year. I fear with my other problems to go in blank might not be a good thing. So, I'm looking for some kind of plan.

I'm attempting to get to bed at night by 10:30 p.m. I have found that it helps since I'm sleeping better. But I'm constantly tired. I never feel I've had enough sleep. I told a friend at work this week that I was getting worse, not better. I do not, truly do not know how much longer I can function at my job like this. It is taking all I can do to keep up now. It's very depressing. I can't quit and I can hardly do it most days.

Oh, that's enough of that stuff. I've got to get back to the piles of stuff waiting for my attention. I'll let you know how things come out tomorrow.

Senior Citizen's Discount

"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!What am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my ife. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

Day Off... Or Two... Whatever

I'm sitting here in Panera. I just had a Fuju Apple Salad, the half salad actually. It was very good. I cheated on my diet, which isn't news. I had a toffee nut cookie. OMS (Oh my stars!) that is the best cookie in the world.

No, I'm not at work. I took off today and tomorrow. I closed on my loan this morning. I hope it was the right decision. Time will tell. It is a 15 year loan. I had only 10 years left on the other loan but in the long run, if I can continue to make the same payment, I'll pay it off just as soon but save a bit of money.

Why did I take the day off? I don't know. I just realized that I wasn't going to be able to take any time off for the rest of the year other than the paid holidays at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I volunteered for this ML position with NaNo and my sister is slated for surgery on the 31st. I have several things that must be done but somewhere in there I forgot me.

Actually, I've felt better this week because I'm getting much needed sleep... not enough of it but more and better. So, I'm a bit more alert, particularly in the afternoons. So, I thought, while I did feel better, I should make the best of it and take what I'm given. I can go back to work tomorrow if I want but I don't think I will. Maybe. I have to go get those back xrays anyway so probably, I'll do that.

At the moment, things are quiet. I need quiet. I've decided that my life has actually gotten more complicated rather than less. I have always been a person who like quiet. No parties, fancy gatherings, social engagements, clubs, etc for me. I liked being with my family, with Jerry or alone. Now I find myself filling up time with things to do, places to go, people to see. I look for ways to squeeze in to every minute. That way I don't think much. I don't sit staring at walls, into mirrors, or at photographs. I'm not introspective. When I crochet or sew I don't have memories jumping out at me. When I am working I don't have time to ponder my past. If I have somewhere to go I'm not wandering around the house looking for something that isn't there.

And I don't like any of it. Oh, I enjoy the craft stuff a lot. I like my writing group. I like church. It isn't that these things are unpleasant in themselves. It is just that they are just fillers. You... I don't feel as if I'm living life. I'm just filling it up with stuff, getting through another day.

So, what am I doing today? I went to the bank at 9 and was done by 10. I came home, played a game on the computer for 2 hours, paid a couple of bills, read emails and blogs. Then I realized I had not eaten all day and decided I better do that. I loaded up the computer and headed to Panera where I have consumed the aforementioned items and here I sit. Small booth I picked is not terribly comfortable and it isn't quiet here. The staff are cutting up and laughing on the other side of the wall. Still, it isn't unpleasant. I don't actually want to leave.

The writer's meeting is tonight at 6:30. I'm glad although lately the group has been small. I know that three of them will be there, maybe 4. Melina is, of course, away at college until the holidays. Cassie says she'll only be by for an hour. Kathy, Loraine and Doug say they'll be there. So will I. I believe Kathy is bringing the cake tonight, the wickedly triple chocolate from Sam's Club. Decadent.

I have to get a plan for Nano. I'm making plans now for the plotting and planning meeting. No idea what I'm doing there, not being a good plotter. However, I find letting people talk about their ideas helps. And often others can offer insights. So, that's scheduled, tentatively, for the 22nd. The 28 is the Meet & Greet here at Panera. That's my birthday, too. A celebration of sorts. Note to self: remember to get name tags for that night. I'm hoping Panera is dead that night and we have plenty of room on the off chance 50 people show up! Fortunately I'd spread it out over two hours. Plenty of time to chat and eat and leave. Be nice to have a real room but there are just not that many places here that offer such facilities. Maybe, if we can get an established, consistent group we can make better arrangements but I'm not going to make huge plans for a uncertain number of people.

All right, I need to move on now. I need to head home. It is going on 3 p.m. and the living room must be straightened before the inmates arrive.

Astounding Website

I googled "crazy events". Yep. 

I'm shocked I've never run across this site before, being the ultraconservative that I proudly proclaim. I'm going to read more when I've got time but just the first few items surprised me. Not only are the articles surprising, they provide a link to the articles they get their info from. http://endoftheamericandream.com/

Warning: This is not a site liberals will be interested in. In fact, some conservatives don't want to hear it either.

Rank Has Its Privileges

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an older man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.

"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."

Drifting Into Saturday

It feels that way. I had a good sleep last night. I took one of those patches and cut it in half and then half again. These patches are about 6x8 and I was using a whole one on my back and taking a half one cutting that in half again and putting it on my knees. It was working great but my neck and arm and hand were just terrible.


On Thursday night I had a frightening episode where my right pupil dilated to nearly twice the size of the left eye. I could FEEL it! I didn't know that was happening at first. For two weeks I'd have a problem driving with my glasses on. I simply found it very difficult and I didn't know why. I kept having all that pain and my head hurt and well, I won't bore you with a repeat of the blogs. I even asked two people if they ever heard of such a thing. Both said no. Well, Thursday I was reading and notice I couldn't see very good. I could see but it wasn't right some way. After finding I couldn't look at the computer, I held something over each eye and realized my right eye was not as clear as the left and was uncomfortable looking at certain bright objects. I looked in the mirror and gasped.


I was scared to death. I've had a pupil dilation before. About 8 years ago I had double vision about 2 hours in that eye and never did figure out what caused it. Since then, I've had mild dilation once or twice. This was more pronounced. I called my wonderful eye doctor. He actually puts his home phone on his answering machine and his cell! He only asked that you call those in a medical eye emergency. This was for me. He asked me several questions and said he thought it might be a migraine and to call first thing on Friday and they'd get me in right away. I called my aunt and asked them to pray for me and they did. Then, since I could do no more and could not read or use the computer, I went to bed.


Friday morning I was at my doctor's by 9 and was taken in immediately. I had a mild headache then because of the neck and shoulder. Everything else was, of course and thankfully, normal. He said again it was probably a migraine. But he checked thoroughly inside my eye with all kinds of light and lenses. I always joke at my normal exam that I leave his office tired. Emergency exams are only slightly different. I went back to work but that neck and arm still hurt and I figured it was the cause of the headache.


Last night I took the large patch I used on my back and cut it in half and decided to see if that worked as well as a large one. I then took the half and cut that in half and put it my neck. I am pleased to report that my neck is much better this morning. Although sitting on this sofa is definitely part of the problem. I need to get a new living room suite.


So, I began the day a bit better off. I have some things I have to do. I want Mike to come over and help me but he has running he wants to do and I don't. So, not sure it will all get done. I'm going to pay the bills as it is first of the month. I still haven't heard from my bank about the refinance. I'm getting antsy.


I'm trying to organize the meetings for NaNo. Not hard since the Library has someplace reserved every day but Sundays which are bad for me anyway. I think I'm simply going to look for those nights when it is after I get off work and make that the official meets and let the other stand for anyone who wants to get together at other times.


The meet and greet is scheduled at the moment for 10/28, my birthday, 6:30 to 9 at Panera. This is the best for me and the location won't have as many people at night. I'd like to do it somewhere else but there just isn't any place I can "reserve" space for possibly 20 people. The time will allow people to come and go as they like and they'll be tempted to buy food and drink, which helps. The time is also an effort to allow some of the more distant to get there after work if necessary.


O.k., I'm out of here. I have some things to get at Lowe's with the rest of my gift card. I also want to go by Value City and look at a living room suite. And... I need to get Mike to see if he'll help me with that wall. I want it fixed a month ago!


Everyone have a nice weekend. Today it is beautiful outside.

Past the Hump

I am much better today compared to Monday. I still have some minor pain but it is minuscule compared to the past weekend. I got my doctor to prescribe those medicinal patches for both my back and my knees. She did. Now I can put them on both places at night.

Today, my knees don't hurt much and my back and right leg are still good. I suspect that as a result of those improvements my left neck shoulder and hand are down to about a 2 on the 10 scale. You know the one that goes from :) to :O.

The weather is absolutely gorgeous and I'm annoyed I'm locked inside. I really would love to be off tomorrow. I don't want to take off only because I can see me needing the time later for some insane reason.

I've been busy posting dates and locations on the NaNo calendar for my region that show the dates, times and locations the library has reserved rooms for writers. I'm only up to the 15th! Well....I am having to do it on breaks.

I've scheduled the initial meet and greet for October 28th. I have no idea who will show if anyone. I may have to reschedule that as it is also Halloween weekend and Boo at the Zoo is going on and probably other assorted celebrations for the dubious holiday.

It is nearly time to go home now and I'm really anxious to get out of here. I have got to finish Sarah's skirt. I've been sick for over a week and just not able to sit at my machine with the pain in my joints. It is very upsetting with all that stuff piled there waiting for me to create something. I sat in a chair for days, doing nothing but watching television shows. I hate that.

But I am caught up on my shows and even found a couple of new ones.

I've done no writing to speak of, not even the blog. I don't know how I'm going to manage to writer 50,000 words in next month. I'm trying to get my head around it and see if I can actually put together a plan. Planning, these days anyway, seems far beyond me.

I'm very tired this afternoon but then usually after a huge bout with pain I am exhausted for days. I need to sleep and I need to stop getting to bed late. There was a period over a year ago now, where I was going to bed no later than 10:30 and I was actually doing pretty good. I need to get back on track for that. It would probably help me.

All right. I'm heading out in 15 minutes to go home. Not sure I'll be back on today so have a lovely evening. Tomorrow is Friday and supposed to be just as pretty as today. I do like fall in the midwest. About the only season I do like here.

NaNo Approaches!

It's Official

I am now the ML for Evansville NaNoWriMo. Wow!

Um...now what?

Moanday Passed Me UP

I must say that Moanday missed me for the most part and by the time
you read this so did Tuesday. I didn't feel great when I got up Monday
but neither was I miserable. The day was blessedly uneventful.

Carolyn was back at work on Monday also, but was so busy we hardly saw
one another. I was glad she was back but I've got myself in a routine
that I am in my chair until I'm hungry and then go to lunch which is
much later than she likes to go. We did go a bit later but not as late
as I would have liked. I like lunch around 1 p.m. What I discovered
during this time was that I work better in the mornings than the
afternoons. So, I may have to start going to lunch alone more often as
my days seem more productive and I don't get as stressed once the work
is out of the way.

I was very depressed most of the weekend. It rained endlessly but I
like rain for the most part. I had no desire to do more than read the
blogs this weekend and I think I left a few comments. I still have the
panorama feature and can just click down the list and read them. I
also  worked on Sarah's skirts - there are two, and started a second
baby shawl, this one for my neice, Alicia.

I don't know Alicia very well. I've only seen the child maybe half
dozen times in her life. She's 17 and managed to get pregnant. What
can I say....my brother and Alicia's mother are divorced and have been
a while. They have four children all of who are absolutely wilder than
elephants. I don't know the others at all....well, I've seen the boys
three times at family gatherings. They were well behaved during those
times. but I think on a daily basis they have issues. They've been in
foster care a couple of times. The youngest is probably learning
disabled and has kidney problems. The twins (middle children)are ....
a problem. Alicia, the oldest, is also a problem. My sister was foster
parent for Alicia and the youngest for awhile. She refused the twins
because they tend to act violently at times. Alicia was constantly
sneaking out and going wild. She was finally sent to a group home,
which she promptly ran away from and was placed with my mother... do
not know the moron who thought that was a good idea!  Eventually, she
was sent away from there. Only the younger child stayed with my sister
for a short time. To be fair to those children, they had the most
atrocious parents and it is like raising dogs. If they aren't treated
well, loved and nurtured, they become vicious creatures with a desire
to devour everyone they meet. They are all, except Alicia, back with
their mother who is one of two reasons they are messed up. I'm not
being mean... I only speak the facts.

So, I did a shawl for Kayla's baby. I felt that I should at least do
one for Alicia's baby. God knows the kid will need all the help she
can get. It is different in pattern and color from Kayla's but is is
really lovely. I don't know if she will care for it or not. I hate to
think all this beautiful work will be dropped on the floor somewhere
and walked on. I've been tempted to just buy her a nice gift because I
am falling in love with this shawl and don't want to think of it being
discarded. But it seems wrong to do that. I may reconsider and give
this as a gift to someone else and buy her something I'm not
emotionally vested in. I'm still debating. Anyway, I'll post photos
soon of all of it.

I totally forgot this post and now it is Wednesday and busy as the
last two days. I don't mind busy. It goes faster. I'm getting ready to
go to lunch in a bit with Inmate Loraine. We're meeting at Panera
Bread. The salad is good and it is a nice place to meet.

Weather is cool and very cloudy with patches of blue here and there.
Not enough blue for me. Yesterday was beautiful outside and I longed
to be out there.

I'm going to get my house refinanced if I can. I decided this week. It
will lower my payments considerable since the interest rates are so
low. It will lessen some of my worries, in fact, after I talked to the
bank yesterday I felt so much better just considering it. I haven't
got the deal wrapped up yet. I still have to do the application and
they have to approve it. I was having a hard time deciding if I wanted
to do it. I finally decided if this is the right decision the
everything will go through without a hitch.

Heat will be installed tomorrow morning. I went with the cheaper unit
even though I'm a bit leary of it. I just don't want to spend a huge
amount of money right now. I'll purchase a warranty for it and if
anything goes wrong, that will cover it. In fact, I'm going to get a
home owners warranty. My sister had that and when her water heater
went out they replaced it at no charge to her! So, home warranty on
all appliances soon. Most are new but you never can tell what will
happen.

Next... pain levels are nearly around a 2 or 3 on a scale of 10. I'm
wearing that patch they gave me for my knees on my lower right back!
The pain in my leg has radically diminished, although I still get
shooting pains and some cramps. I just take a acetaminophen for it.
I'm using the liquid on my knees because it works as well as the patch
if I do it three or four times a day. It did not work on my back as
well. Not sure why. I've started putting it in my neck the last few
days to see if it helps with that pain. I think it does. So, I've been
getting some much better sleep and can turn over more often.

The bad news...I probably have severe arthritis in all those locations
and they are major joint locations that affect my mobility.

But I'm thankful for any relief at this point that allows me to get some sleep.

I'm going now. Work is rudely screaming my name.

Nearly There!

The weekend beckons! I'm at Thursday and running full tilt to Friday. I have been so busy this week that I have not blogged since Monday! I've gone home every night and watched t.v.! All my shows popped up on HULU at one time and I'm playing catch-up. I don't think they will be online more than a couple of weeks and there were 25 on my watch list last night. LOL, veggie time.

Thirty-two years ago today the most exciting thing in my life happened. Michael Courtney Maddox arrived at 5:09 a..m. He weighed in at 7 lb 14 oz and was 21 in. long.

It has been my greatest privilege to have spent my life with Michael. No matter how difficult the journey has been for both of us, Michael has continued to smile through it all. When my life blew apart, Mike was there to hold me up and help me through the long months of gathering up the pieces. He may think he's a failure at many things but his greatest success has been as a son.

Happy Birthday, Michael!

My sister is having surgery to remove that stint as we speak. I am out of days so I couldn't take off but my aunt and uncle are at the hospital with her. This is supposed to be a same day surgery so we are expecting her to be released this evening.

Sarah came over last night for a few hours to visit with her Poppy and Uncle Dale.She absolutely adores my aunt and uncle. To clarify, she calls my uncle Dale, Poppy. But she calls my aunt Phillis, Uncle Dale. This is confusing and highly amusing to everyone but she's done this since she was probably two. She got them confused and we've never dared try and correct her. She's corrected me a few times! Uncle Dale (aunt Phillis) would be furious if we did, she loves it. The story behind this is that on a visit Sarah was asked to identify people, I believe around the table. She named them all until we got to my aunt. Then she said, "I don't know what they call her but I call her Uncle Dale." And Uncle Dale is it.

Moan Day, Not So Much

The day started rather blandly and ended up wet. Poured down most of the afternoon. The week is supposed to turn cooler and I have no heat yet. I have two estimate and believe it or not, the higher one I'm inclined to go with. Only because the product is a better grade. I can't mess around with an item so costly to replace. In 15 years I suspect it will cost $7000 to replace.

Work was rather uneventful and probably because my boss was out. Lots less running for everyone. Tomorrow I suspect he'll be back and the day won't go as well.

I've spend the evening sewing on a skirt for Sarah. I'm not pleased with it. Must get my act together and do better. It is cute but the waist band is not what I planned and I'm annoyed. I got in a hurry. Still, it will do.

I'm off to bed now for some much needed sleep. The last several nights I don't feel as if I slept well. It felt as if I was just dozing. Does that make sense? Not a deep sleep, but one of those just beneath the surface sleeps that leaving you feeling cheated. Morpheus is a fickle devil.

Omissions

My appointment as pastor coincided with the church's appeal for aid for victims of a hurricane.

Unfortunately, on my first Sunday in the parish, the center page of the church bulletin was accidentally omitted. So members of the congregation read from the bottom of the second page to the top of the last page:

"Welcome to the Rev. Andrew Jensen and his family ... the worst disaster to hit the area in this century. The full extent of the tragedy is not yet known."

A Better End to Moan Day

You know.... that's is such a good pun! Moan Day. The first day of the week and everyone of us gets up moaning and I spend a good portion of the day moaning. 


Believe it or not I don't actually like being that person. I kind of get sick of it, as I'm sure do most of those around me or reading me. Too much like my mother, something I have never desired to be. I've realized that I'm not a terribly happy person and probably won't ever be again. No very optimistic of me, I know. But honest. With myself. I have several names for me but since I try not to make a habit of name calling I won't share them. I really don't like who I am now and have been for a long time... say at least 7 years. Life got tough, I got wimpy. 


I had Sarah after work tonight. We had a nice time in the back yard. She played in her sandbox and then caught fireflies. As it grew dark she didn't like it anymore. When I was a kid I loved it when it got dark outside. I could stay out for hours. I usually was with siblings or friends but even alone I was never afraid of it. I'm still not too much. I was for a time after Jerry died. Wouldn't sit out there at all. I've gotten better but the bugs have,  too. 


We came in and she insisted I read the Bible to her. She does that now and it is very odd to me. She's just turned five but for over a year she has asked to have the Bible read to her. Not a children's Bible story book or a child's Bible. The grownup version. Becca says she asks her to read to her, too. I've had two children, 6 siblings, two younger cousins that were like siblings, about a half dozen assorted nieces and nephews. I've read hundreds of books upon request. I once read Treasure Island, the long version, not a kids book, to my cousins (about 5 & 7 at the time & I was 15) and did pirate voices. Took a couple of weeks! Not once in all my life have I ever been asked by a 5 year old to read the Bible to them. It is not their first choice. Nor their last!


So I did. I don't think she cares what part you read to her. I think I could read Numbers and she'd listen! 

A Day in the Weekend

I just spent the entire weekend watching Firefly and was sad when the last episode aired. I have the whole series, which was only one season. My sister has the movie and I should go and buy my own copy so I don't borrow it and give it back. It is such a great story. I get so caught up in it that I can't stop until it is over.

I didn't do much else over the weekend but start two denim skirts for Sarah and play games online. Oh, and I'm over half done with the baby shawl I'm making. I'll have to get photos for you or a video. It's been a bit challenging because I start a row and find myself doing the previous row. It is a row of shells and then the base chain to do the next row of shells. But I forget and just keep doing shells. I'm better now. Not doing that as much but still enough to frustrate me and annoy.

At the moment, I'm doing nothing. I'm tired and I think I'll just get my shower and go to bed. The day did not go as I had hoped and I'm feeling under the weather. Nose stuffy, throat scratchy, headachy. Sarah has been sick all weekend with a cold and Becca was also not well yesterday. So the season has started.

Hope you have had a better one.

Group Calls To Ban Pledge Of Allegiance At Massachusetts Schools, Citing No Educational Value | Fox News

Link

What an OMG moment this is! I'm so mad at this piece of crap I could spit nails. This moron doesn't even know what an oath of allegiance is! A pledge of allegiance is a statement made by the citizens of a country to swear loyalty to that country's law, liberties, and fellow citizens.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America AND to the Republic for which it stands, ONE nation, UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE with liberty and just for all.

This is not rocket science, you idiot. Here is the idiot version just for you: I swear to be bound by the laws of this Republic and defend her without hesitation to insure all people enjoy her liberty and justice.

No educational value?

Again, what an idiot! He doesn't even know his own country's history. It is teaching our children that they are expected to honor, respect, and defend this nation and its citizens. It is an sworn OATH not a poem. Allegiance:. 1. (1) : the fidelity owed by a subject or citizen to a sovereign or government (2) : the obligation of an alien to the government under which the alien resides

2

: devotion or loyalty to a person, group, or cause

HELLO anyone home? OWED by the citizen or alien resident! And if teachers are not educating the children on this point, they're also idiots! I got that when I was educated... in Southern schools, by the way, which are reportedly some of the worst in the nation. Every Redneck in Dixie knows what the Pledge of Allegiance is! Wow, but they don't in Massachusetts! At least in this guy's neighborhood.

I'm still shocked that the President of the United States can't even recite it. So, I don't care what religion you are, what color you are, what your name is, or what office you hold. If you don't want to say the Pledge, I respectfully suggest you GET OUT of my country. The last thing we need is another traitor to the nation.

Frankly, if you go anywhere else, you'll be expected to swear allegiance to that country. Please go. Some loyal citizen needs your job.

Jilly's DPT: Labor Day

This is the after effects. I'm beat. I went to the picnic with Mike and Sarah.She is here with me now but I'm really tired. We left Mike at the church. He just called and he has a ride home. That will help me a lot. I am just worn out for some reason. I'll take Sarah home when he gets here. The church gave me a microwave for Dave and Becca. They have a truck of appliances they are going to sell to raise money. I asked how much it was and told them I wanted to buy it for them. Bro Phil gave it to me. So, saved some money there.

I'm just so tired. I ate too many sweets and starches. But there wasn't much else. I had green beans and some baked beans (they were Bushes Baked beans - I buy the same brand LOL) and a hot dog. I tried some chicken and dumplings but someone had forgotten to season them with black pepper and I didn't see any. Banana pudding was good but that pretty much topped my system. The only low carb on the menu was those green beans. There was a lot of pasta stuff and tons of desert. The church furnished hotdogs, hamburgers, and steak. There is always plenty for everyone so if you're not carb restricted, you're in food heaven. Unfortunately, I wasn't.

I think I wasn't expecting how depressed I was going to get. I don't want to do it again. I thought sure it would be different this time. I have avoided more and more such events for the same reason. They are no longer things I enjoy. Going to family events alone is simply not enjoyable. I do like seeing Sarah have a good time but as soon as she was done we left.

Of course, I did nothing but walk around with Sarah. She played a fishing game and got a prize. She also won the egg toss! The egg she and Libby were using just never broke. Libby is 3 and Sarah is 5 and they tossed that egg like a baseball. It hit the ground and bounced. It was weird. Not a crack.

I doubt I'll do the picnic again. It is far too depressing. I didn't know what to do with myself and there are mostly family members together. I chat with different ones but well, I don't really share a past with anyone there so there isn't much to talk about. It isn't that they aren't courteous but it pretty much socializing with strangers. I don't do it well. And I am not in any condition to play games. It was a bad idea to go because it simply served to remind me I'm a square peg in a room of round holes.

I'm going now. I am going to work on the baby blanket some more. I'm about halfway. So, at the rate I'm going I should be done with it in about two weeks. Then, I'll start on something else.

What a drag this blog is. Back to work tomorrow.

Labor Day Monday

I'm not laboring at all. I'm sitting here in the living room looking out at a dismal cloudy day. I do not want to go to the picnic since it is far cooler with no sun out. It is currently 63 F! I won't be doing any running. Had planned to sit in the shade and watch the games and crochet while chatting.

I'm going but I'm probably only going to stay for lunch. Mike will want to be there all day and I may just drop him off and come home and pick him up later. I'm going to call him.

I'm a bit annoyed. I don't get out much as it is. I was looking forward to this. I'd rather have 90 degrees and sun than 63 and clouds. This is more than likely going to set off some joint pain if I get too cool. So, not sure now what I'll do.

It is ten now so I have to decide soon. I don't know if Sarah is going or not either.

I woke up with quite a bit of pain and that has become the norm. I'm not resting well. No, there doesn't seem to be a solution since I have no idea what is causing it. I am going to talk with both doctors about a sleep study. Something is wrong when I sleep.

I'll be back later to post my Labor Day photo. Not sure what it will be. Did more reading on Boomerang. You get to do 10 free advance posts a month and if you want more, you have to subscribe and pay for it. Sooooo, I can use the 10 free. I'm not paying for it. Sorry I wasn't more clear about that. I just discovered it this morning reading on the site. I figured I better read up on all the features. It is a nice one. However, if you use Microsoft outlook, that feature is installed. But you have to go online for it to work. Window Life Mail also allows you to send later and you can use gmail with it, so I'm going to look at it. I simply use gmail online now for everything because it is just easy.

All righty, off to see what I can see. Have a nice holiday if this is your holiday. If not have a great day in the mines.

Odd Sunday

I went to church this morning with Mike and my sister, Phyllis. We had lunch at Grandy's and I came home to sit and crochet. I had an ocular migraine around 3 p.m. that freaked me out. I felt fine, no pain or warning. Then, while I was doing a crossword puzzle I began having trouble reading the clues. There were spots in the way and I couldn't see the letters clearly. Next came the weird neon lights in my right eye, around the outer edge of it. I had a flashing blue at the top of the eye and a swirling blinking one to the out edge. Joining these were a zigzag, blinking, black and white line.

I called my eye doctor, bless him the best one in the whole world. He gives his cell number and his home number on his answering machine! I felt so bad since it is a holiday calling him but he called me back in under 20 minutes. Listened to me tell him what was happening and told me it should pass off in another 20 but if it did not to call him back. He said if I had any symptoms that persisted I should go immediately to the er. He said he'd been in his office a little while today and could see me if I felt he needed to.

This is not unusual for him. He's wonderful.

It did pass of in about 20 minutes and I was fine. This is the second time I've had this kind of migraine. It terrified me then, too. I get concerned about being in the car when this kind of thing comes on. Last time I drove to his office from work and it was so scary.

After the lights went out I watched a program on Xfinity online.

Tonight I discovered I got Jilly's DPT screwed up a bit. I did Tuesday's on the third, did the third! I think I've mucked it up a bit but I'll get on track. Ran across another tonight for the end of the month. Considering this is my first time doing the DPT I figure I can mess up a bit. I've already got about half of them!

Now, I'm going to use the Boomerang feature for Gmail and send them ahead so I won't have to worry with it. One thing I discovered it it doesn't work in Firefox, although the site says it does. It works in Chrome, which is good because I'm quickly learning to like it for a lot of things. It is so fast!

Hope you all have a great day tomorrow. I'm planning on going to the church picnic with Mike. It is supposed to be sunny and in the 70's and this will be perfect weather to be outside for ball games and volleyball. I am hoping to take Sarah but she's been under the weather today. Her mother says too much cake.

Good night!

The Case of the Delayed Post

No, I'm not writing a mystery... at least not one with that title. It is a pretty good title for a Perry Mason story, though. No, I'm going to experiment on the blog with a plugin called Boomerang. I am supposedly able to send my post through my email at a later date. Since Multiply does not have a feature for this, I've had to improvise. So, here goes.

We had Sarah's birthday party tonight at her house. After the party, we went to the pool and swam for about two hours. Everyone had a great time. In attendance were me, Mike, my sister Phyllis, Dave, Becca and her parents, Sue and John. And of course, the birthday girl. If you have not already done so, you will find the video already posted... if this delayed post worked, that is. 

Also, by now there are photos in the albums. 

I'm off to bed now. I'd like to be able to go to church tomorrow. Everyone have a great Labor Day weekend if you're blessed enough to be in America. It is the last official summer holiday. 

Someone Left the Door Open

I'm at work but it appears the guards are not watching! I will have to make this quick. I had started a post but my whole system locked up and I lost it all! This one will not be as long.

I woke this morning and was achy all over but I have this baseball sized spot in my lower back just to the right of my spine. It feels as if said baseball struck me there. I had problems all night with it and getting up and down reminds me it is there.

Other than that I feel fair to middlin'. I was late to work because getting going this morning was a bit difficult. However, I'm here, shoveling and while they aren't watching, taking a break.

I was so tired when I got home last night that I lay down and got a brief nap, about 30 minutes. When I got up I spent the evening finishing Sarah's little dress and then I did some crochet and watch television shows on the computer. The crochet is a baby blanket for my neice's baby. It is due in a few months and I have to really hustle to get it done. I should be done in a couple of weeks if all goes well and I can keep up the current pace. I'll post photos soon.

I have a writer's meeting this week and must find things that I can have as treats. I've decided to simply avoid white foods i.e. potatoes, rice, bread, things that contain processed sugar, and sweets in general. We'll see how I hold up. Certainly won't hurt me. I was worried about limiting my carbs too much but ran across a website with a post from a biochemist who disagreed with someone who said low carb diets were bad for you. When I began to read the posts I got depressed but that entry really gave me some information that was helpful and educational. She rebutted quite well. Here is here response. If this is, in fact, the case, the low carb diets are the only way for the population to stay healthy. It is also probably why Daddy never had heart problems, high blood pressure, or other common problems. He did not eat junk food... except

"As a biochemist, I am going to have to respectfully disagree with some advice you received here. The ketogenic diet is not unhealthy as long as you are not a type one diabetic. In the absence of carbohydrate, research has found that fat is eliminated from the body via fat breakdown byproducts called "ketones," hence the name ketogenic diet.

Fat storage, and arteriosclerosis: Fat cannot be stored, or build up in arteries, in the absence of carbs, therefore a high fat diet is only harmful when and ONLY when carbs are present. In the absence of carbs in the diet, the glycolytic pathway, (the pathway that metabolizes carbs), is greatly slowed to the point that the body cannot get enough fuel to survive from this pathway. Therefore, the body turns to a pathway called, "beta oxidation:" the fat burning pathway, to provide its fuel. The fat is broken down into ketones which the body uses as fuel. The brain can and does use ketones for fuel when glucose is absent. The heart prefers ketones, and actually uses them exclusively, as does peripheral tissue.

About muscle wasting: the ketogenic diet actually prevents muscle wasting, b/c the pathway that breaks down muscle for fuel is the very pathway, (the glycolytic pathway), that has been shut down. Muscle wasting can only occur when a person restricts calories during a low fat, high carb diet. Muscle wasting cannot occur in a low carb diet, because it is impossible to burn amino acids for fuel in beta oxydation. Therefore, the proper ketogenic diet WILL burn only fat, and preserve muscle, AND it is not harmful for a healthy individual. Nonetheless, before embarking on any diet, you should see your physician first.

Regarding ketoacidosis: ketoacidosis, the dangerous phenomenon where the body's pH becomes too acidic to survive, is not the same as ketosis, and it ONLY happens in type one diabetics. Ketoacidosis CANNOT occur in a person without type one diabetes, b/c of metabolic pathways that would be too long to discuss here. What I will say is that healthy individuals pee and breathe out all excess ketones, thereby the body maintains it's healthy pH. Type I Diabetics cannot do this, and the ketone production runs amuck. A healthy individual cannot go into ketoacidosis.

The other facts: Every night while we sleep, the body fasts and burns ketones for fuel. The heart must have ketones to survive, as ketones are its only fuel source, and so a good 8 hours sleep is paramount to a healthy heart. The worst thing a person can do is eat carbs before bed.

Done properly, as any diet, the ketogenic diet is safe and effective. Again, check with your physician to make sure you should be on a diet in the first place.

So, that said, I feel better about it.

Last night I finished Sarah's little dress and will get photos as soon as possible. I also started on a baby blanket this past week and am about halfway. It is going to be pretty I think. Again, I'll put photos up when I can. I spent last evening watching television, crocheting and working on the dress.

Tonight I will continue on the dress but I need to work on some of the writing stuff. It's been a crazy summer and I see it passing so quickly. I have so many things I'd like to do and just not enough time. Work takes most of it away from me. I have to rest sometimes so that takes more. Not much left for the things I really enjoy. Not sure if I mentioned going swimming with Sarah on Saturday. I'll have to tell you in the next post.

I'm getting ready to shut down for the day. It has been rather slow. My co-worker friend, Carolyn has her surgery tomorrow on her back. My writing friend, Loraine has surgery as well on Friday. These ladies are special to me so just keep them in prayer.