Thursday, March 3, 2011

A Small Experiment

This is Thursday. You all know I got a new medication, Ativan, on my
last doctor's visit. I started taking it over the weekend. It stopped
the anxiety I was feeling. I only take it at night, despite his
prescribing it twice a day. I have to work and it won't allow me to do
that. However, I did not take it on Monday night. I had to see, of
course, if and how well it was working. One looses one's perspective
when you are this far on the bottom. There are no windows in a well,
just a skylight. So, I elected to not take it .

I was fine on Tuesday and even Tuesday night. I was a little stressed
because the news of Jerry's cousin's husband dying but I was aware it
upset me talking to her. Had it been anyone else I might have fared a
little bit better but there is an emotional component with Deirdre
because I've always loved her and I felt her pain so badly. She had
such a rotten childhood and was pregnant at 16. She later found a man
who was good to her and they have a son, too. But she has terrible
health now. Her husband sat down on the bed and simply fell over dead.
He'd complained of chest pain for two days! {sigh} I don't know. Men.
She has no money except disability, no home, no place to go. Her son
is in the military. Their son is at home with her. It can be much
worse ladies than I have it. I did not ask her about funeral expenses
or anything else.

Wednesday I was o.k. but feeling a bit pressured in the afternoon. Not
unduly I didn't think. But when I got home, I didn't feel well and I
wandered around. Sarah came over for about two hours. While I enjoyed
seeing her I still felt bad and when she left I was barely able to
move. For days I've found myself absolutely exhausted to the point I
could hardly walk by eight p.m. I mean falling over, unable to keep my
eyes open and head up exhaustion. I have been so tired it was
frightening. Last night I sat on the edge of my bed and contemplated
that pill. AI was concerned at how tied I was. I did not want to take
it but I was at a point I knew it was going to be a bad night. I
finally took it and turned out the light. I had to call Becca and have
her talk to me for about half an hour so my mind would stop circling.
I think I went to sleep as soon as she hung up.

They also changed my blood pressure dosage. I'm taking an extra pill
when I get home. Then, my regular dose a 9 p.m. My bp at 10 p.m. last
night was 118 over 77! I haven't been that low in decades. This
morning it was 128 over 88. Again, almost normal but low for me.

So, now wondering if the exhaustion is the increased BP meds. If so,
I'm not sure how to handle that. It doesn't do that to me in the
morning so I'm thinking not. Anyway, I'm recording these events so
I'll have a record for the doctor.

I feel fine this morning, a bit tired but fine. I could take a nap if
offered one.

The insurance adjuster called me yesterday. He said he'll see the car
in 3 to 5 days and get back with me as soon as possible. Geico is "da
bomb". They have been super nice and on top of this from the
beginning. I am duly impressed and I don't impress easily. Everyone,
every call they are courteous and answer questions without acting like
they are doing you a favor.

Now, back to the mines. I'd like to have a clean desk by 5 p.m. ....
if I don't fall asleep.

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