The Price of Praise

Rendered Praise

See, I made this challenge for myself on my Rendered Praise blog. I had the idea for it in the middle of the night and figured why not. I write a bunch of stuff anyway, so make it worthwhile.

As soon as I begin, I realized it was the right thing to do. It felt right. It went so smoothly that I was able to do a post ahead. This helps if I'm having a pain filled day and I can't write. I won't miss a post. I find I like being a day ahead on something. In theory, this could be a post for that blog, but since the next ten days of Render Praise are devoted to praise, it wouldn't work. Since I constantly whine here, this works.

As with any project I've ever done for God, and that whole blog is directed to Him, there are rewards and penalties. The reward is that I like the more positive feelings it has evoked. I find I'm thinking of new ways to give praise instead of focusing on what is "wrong" and things to complain about. No, this won't save me nor make me perfect. It doesn't mean I'm more special than anyone else. I just feel better in my brain.

Of course, I mentioned penalties, too. The first penalty I've experienced is the meltdown I had today while doing the next post. I have no explanation for it. I just fell apart in the middle of writing and had to walk away. I came back once I'd regained some control and finished it, but I'm not exactly "right" at the moment. There is an edge to the afternoon that cuts each time my thoughts move in specific directions. Even writing this post is a challenge to my body and mind. I'm exhausted and feel as if I've hit bottom. I'm not sorry I made the challenge nor do I want to quit.

I've always known that praise is an empowering item. There is a book by a guy named Merlin Carouthers, who wrote Power in Praise. If you've never read him, I would encourage you to find a copy of the book and read it. He also wrote Prison to Praise, equally good. If you want a life-altering perspective of praise he provides it. I read it nearly 40 years ago and I've not forgotten his name or the name of the book. The truth is, praise is the only life saver you have. It doesn't mean you have to jump up and down or run around the block. These are impossible for me now with my hips, knees, and feet feeling broken most of the time. You don't have to scream, cry, or use a bullhorn. Praise is not just a way of talking. Praise is a way of thinking.

You may be sick and everyone who looks at you may think you're dying. You may be wracked in pain and unable to move without hurting. Praise can be uttered anytime, anywhere, under any circumstances. If someone thinks the only place you can praise is in church, in a certain manner -- they're wrong. David wrote dozens of Psalms while watching sheep, surely the loneliest job in the world.

Paul and Silas were alone in the deepest part of the jail to ensure they couldn't escape and their only companion was the jail keeper. They were not comfortable. Yet, they sang and praised God. Not because they were happy or excited. There was no church music, no praise team, no congregation to pump them up. Have you ever seen a real dungeon? Can you picture the smell of filthy bodies, rotting food, human excrement? I suspect in some part of their mind, the knew they had to do something to get their mind off their situation. We've all been there. It is why we crank up the stereo so loud the neighbors have their heads out the windows considering calling the police. Or we load up on our drug of choice. It is because want to think about something else. We're not interested in praising God in the the middle of our mess.

Jeremiah, one of my favorite prophets, was up to his armpits in mud when he came up with one of the most comforting praise passages for grief-stricken widows I've ever read, anywhere. It is marked in my Bible in red with a pink bookmark. I've read it hundreds of times in the last six and a half years. It always makes me cry uncontrollably. Why would I read it? Because someone understood what I feel in ways I never thought possible and they are able to tell me how great God is in the middle of it all. And I want to know that.

I called upon thy name, O Lord, out of the low dungeon. 

Thou hast heard my voice: hide not thine ear at my breathing, at my cry. 

Thou drewest near in the day that I called upon thee: thou saidst, 

Fear not. O Lord, thou hast pleaded the causes of my soul; thou hast redeemed my life.

So, even in isolation, it is possible to simply praise God for being. And despite the penalties, I'll do my 10 Days of Praise. I suspect other penalties may be waiting, but I won't borrow from tomorrow that which will be here soon enough. Instead, I'll just think about how I can give Him more praise today.

Wednesday Wonder - Just Me

Monday, Monday

Never let it be said that all Monday's are created equal. Last Monday was an awesome day. This Monday, not so much. Sarah was up until midnight with a belly ache and I had to get her into her doctor this morning, bright and early. I came home, after dropping her off at school, because bellyaches only occur at night. I know this is true because I had the same thing last week.

Anyway, on my return I had a raging headache. I had to take a pill for it and spent the rest of the day in the recliner, checking the phone now and then for emails, which I then had to answer. Sometime after two or three I think the headache was better, but my neck and upper left back feel as if I've been beaten with a bat. I used my tennis ball, but the pain in the trap was so bad, the ball hurt. Using the ball on the right side of my back told the tale. It didn't hurt and it felt good to roll the tennis ball along the muscle.

Sarah came in from school and when I asked her if she got in trouble today she danced around the question for five minutes. She thought I had seen her Class Dojo (message system between parents and teachers). Joke was on her - I had not. She finally told me why she got in trouble. She had talked during class and lost a point. I grounded her for the rest of the week and took her tablet, which she may not get back for some time. This was the second time in a week she's felt the need to chat on the job. The last time she was grounded for a day. I informed her that since she felt it was crucial to talk when she should have been working, she could do her school work this week when she'd normally be talking to her friends or playing.

So, for the next week she will be doing math worksheets, extra ones instead of games, toys, and friends. To give her credit, she didn't complain after the first 20 minutes, during which time I had to endure whining, complaining. and bemoaning the fact that she didn't know how to do math. She's in the 3rd grade. She knows.  She finally figured out that I was serious and nothing was going to change. Then she blew the subtraction. Badly. She'll have it down in a few weeks but at the moment it is her nemesis.

I wonder who actually gets punished when kids are grounded? I never believe in grounding. Never got grounded in my life. I got spanked but not a lot. The key to spankings is that you learn not to do the things that get you spanked. There were consequences. So, I followed the rules and as a result, my life was relatively simple and straightforward. Despite an alcoholic parent, I didn't starve, feel deprived, or suffer neglect. I had a large extended family and we had great times. I was clothed, housed, gifted, loved, and spanked. Amazing that well that turned out for me.  I'm eternally grateful.

I didn't have to ground the boys much. On the rare occasions they got in trouble, they got spankings. Which, incidentally didn't kill them, crush their spirit, or make them impotent. They were just as sassy afterward as before. And we had great fun during their youth. They never got arrested for criminal behavior. Never attacked old ladies on the street. Never raped, murdered, or robbed anyone. Cause Mama was waiting home with a paddle and feared neither police, judge, or CPS. And if you wanted to come home, you better keep your nose clean and keep a civil tongue in your mouth. If you can't don't let the door hit in the butt you on the way out.  The one time Mike threatened to call the police if I spanked him, he was 10 or 11, and I walked over, picked up the phone. I looked him dead in the face and said with no trace of a smile, "Would you like me to dial it for you?" He never did that again.

Sarah is a different child. She's fairly easy going. She does her things, I do mine. The trouble comes in when she is forced to remember that I'm the adult and she's the child. She's confused by that, I think. I'm Mawmaw. I'm fun. I'm silly. I'm kisses, hugs, and giggles. I'm not the stern old lady who has a paddle and isn't afraid to use it. I'm not the woman who glares at her when she gets sassy. I've rarely glared at the child more than half-dozen times in her life! That woman she doesn't get. Until she does. Then she is as good as gold. Has she fooled me? Sometimes she thinks she has, but not usually. As the sister of six, mother of two, and aunt to a few more there isn't much that fools me.

At the moment, she's got another stomachache. It is bedtime of course. And she didn't eat the supper I gave her at 6. So, of course, she's starving and that's why her belly hurts. And it probably does. I've fed her but I've given her a promise, something every child who has ever lived in this house knows I only do with the gravest of intentions, that at 6:30 a.m. she will get one wake up call. If she fails to answer that call promptly, there will be consequences. I hope she knows I mean it.

Now, it is my turn  to go to bed. I've had enough. I have a long day tomorrow.

The Gift of a Day

I was going to post yesterday, but it was such an astounding, awesome, and amazing day that I simply didn't have time. 

If you've been keeping up, you know that I've been sick for a while, especially the last week. I even had to go to the ER last Saturday night with stomach problems. They did a CAT scan of my abdomen and found a nodule on my lung. Lab work revealed low potassium. I went in for a stomach ache. 

Well, yesterday when I got up, I felt as if I'd stepped into someone else's shoes. I wasn't sick, didn't hurt, and had all this energy. I had no idea why but I ran with it.

Sarah and I were up at 6:30 and I got her on the bus by 7:45. I dressed and headed to the cemetery to walk. This would be my first walk since Spring. I managed to get 1.2 miles but that was all I could do. My left leg, hip, and ankle were bothering me by then. 

I came home and got to work. First I spent about an hour on reading my Bible and devotional. I haven't done that for a while because reading anything was like walking in a fog bank and I was just too sick to sit up.

I started folding the three weeks worth of towels and sheets that were piled on the spare bed. I piled the three weeks of street clothes on my bed to force me to deal with it before bedtime. I had no idea at this point how long the energy burst would last.

For the rest of the afternoon this is how it went: I folded the sheets and towels while watching television. While I was busy with that, I also washed and dried three loads of new laundry. I folded another load of sheets and towels from this week. Then, I worked on my new crochet project, which you see above. I wasn't sure about pattern and structure but finally decided on rows using the Lacy Wave Stitch from my favored book. I like these colors together. I thought about adding a mint green to it but decided not to. 

I think I'll call it Ocean Sunset. The colors in the photo are very close to the real colors. This is another gift. I love doing crochet for others. I rarely do any projects for myself. I was going to buy new yarn but realized I had this yarn in my stash. I will probably have to buy some more blue, but that's cheaper than the +$30 it was going to cost for new yarn. However, the yarn I saw in the store is really pretty.

Hobby Lobby has a HUGE selection of yarns and has now become my supplier of choice. It takes 6-8 skeins to do a useful throw/afghan. If you want a blanket size afghan, you will probably need twice that. Depending on the kind of yarn used, a skein can cost $3.00-$7.00, some even more. This means a crocheter can sink a lot of money into one project.  The yarn plus man hours involved mean a typical afghan could have a monetary value starting at $100. If could be higher, depending on the size and complication of the item. A set of 4 of my cozies would cost in yarn and man hours around $30, not including the hard coaster inserts. So, if someone gives you a gift of a crochet item, any item, it isn't a cheap gift. 

I digress, of course. I crocheted an hour or so, until Sarah got home at 3:45. By then the only laundry left was on my bed. Sarah and I worked on homework for an hour, she kicking and screaming all the way. Then we worked on preparing supper. She helped quite a lot with this project. Setting the table, putting ice in the glasses. Her doll, Abby (formerly Isabella) joined us with a meal of her own. Once that was done, I did dishes and Sarah, who was grounded from everything for the homework fiasco, played in her room before getting a bath. 

Around 7 I realized I'd used up all my spoons. For the uninformed, this means I was running on empty. I called Sarah in and we attacked the clothes on my bed. I had already put my things away before calling her. Now she put her clothes on hangers, folded her shorts and underwear, and helped me put them away. By 8 p.m. she was tucked in her bed and out like a light. I should ground her more often. Of course, she was so tired because the night before it was midnight before she went to sleep. So, after getting up at 6:30, by 8 p.m. she was obliterated. 

I slumped on the sofa watching television and giving myself time to wind down from an extremely busy day. I stopped for a few minutes to tell God how very thankful I was for the day. It was the first time I felt like ME in a very long time.

Today... I won't be walking or doing laundry. I'll be doing bank statements. Oh, joy. . . 

I TOLD You I was sick!

FreeDigitalPhotos.net

So, I went to the doctor today for my 3 month follow-up. The doctor had emailed me that my white count is down. If you're unfamiliar with how your immune system works, you white counts is like an army. When an invader (infection) attacks your system, this little army comes out with guns blazing and attacks the invader and in a healthy person, destroys it. Until 20 years ago, I never got very sick.

In a person who has Rheumatoid arthritis it isn't that simple. They give you drugs that are used to fight cancer to suppress your immune system.  Sometimes these drugs actually make you sick. For example, they can cause decreased white counts. You can get sick with an infection and there are not enough of those soldiers to fight the invader. You can actually get cancer and other deadly illnesses without those little white soldiers. I've never had a low white count in my life.

So, I have to go back in four weeks for more lab work to see if there have been any enlistments. If there aren't and it is the same or worse, they will stop my RA meds.They have to or I could end up in serious trouble.

Admittedly, she said it wasn't very bad but her face told me she wasn't happy with it. Stopping the meds is not a good thing. Within two days it will be very ugly at my house.

Solution? The white count goes back up and I can continue as before. The white count stays the same or worsens and I am introduced to a new med. Arava. This medicine is not something I've wanted to take. She doesn't want me to take it, hence the unhappy look on her face. If the troops are still AWOL, we have no choice.

Arava stays in your system longer than methotrexate. If I have a reaction to Arava, I will have to be given another medicine to clear my system and it possibly won't completely clear me. It can stay in my system up to two years. Side effects can be long term and fatal.

That's where we are now. Although I don't want to take the metho.... a bald head is better than dead. The next step for me, if I don't take Arava, would be biologicals and they definately don't like giving that out. Reactions to biologicals are most certainly life threatening. Humira & Enbrel are the two choices.

I don't know what to do. I've prayed for a medicine that would work. Plaquanil worked for me for over 10 years, until I got the Epstein Barr virus. That wrecked my immune system. Plaquanil hasn't worked since. I now take both Plaquanil and methotrexate. Neither has worked sufficiently. I've gone from taking the initial 4 - 1mg pills of metho. to 8 - 1mg pills. She wanted me on 10mg injections and I insisted that doses be raised incrementally until I reached a level that worked. My caution is probably a good thing if the metho has caused the white count problem. I think she was relieved today. She said she was glad I wasn't on the higher dose.


My doctor did try to encourage me. She talked about how the medicines were necessary because it wasn't just my joints that were being affected. RA is a systemic disease. You may think it only affects the joints and cripples a person. You see it as twisted hands and crippled feet. It doesn't affect just joints. It affects heart, lungs, liver, and all tissue. Some days, my skin hurts. I have knots beneath the skin on my thighs the size of what we used to call logger head marbles. Think walnuts. They don't go away and sometimes they hurt. I get rashes that itch and take a long time to heal. My eyes get dry and itch and I can hardly see. My mouth gets so dry my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. I get mouth sores. I get up and my finger joints feel mushy and hurt. My feet feel as if I'm walking on railroad gravel. My knees don't want to work. My hips lock. I hurt in every conceivable place.

So, that is what I'm dealing with on a daily basis. Add the deadly medicines and it makes for a nice invasion. And now the army is in retreat.

I guess I'm asking for you to pray for me. I need a medicine that will work and not kill me. If the other medicine will work better than what I'm taking and won't make me sicker in other ways, I need to do that. Of course, I would love a complete remission. But I no longer know how to pray. I will be honest. I've prayed all the prayers anyone could possibly pray and that I know to pray. I'm now worse off than I've ever been since I was diagnosed. The patches are now potentially worse than the disease.

What's Happening In My World

You know I am always looking at the flow of my life and how it is working. If life were a clock, I'd have assembled and disassembled it many times over. Sometimes it works better. Other times, not so much.

The current week has been hectic. Sarah started 3rd grade on Monday. She came running into the house after school yelling she loved it. I hope the romance last but we all know how relationships can turn on you. Her most exciting thing was "no homework". She thinks this will be a permanent thing. I haven't had the heart to tell her that the paperwork I read wants her working on things at home. We're going to have to create a "chore" schedule just to keep her encouraged.

I've done more crochet this week than I have at any one time in years. I've made several items and started on a new one last night.I really enjoy making these coaster cozies. I have six of my own and they work better than anything I've ever used.

They're designed to fit over the round stone coaster you buy at Walmart on aisle end caps. They come with a wooden holder but once the cozy is on it, they won't fit in the holder. I don't care. They're pretty and you can stack them. They look really nice on the table and are functional. Pretty furniture you worked hard to create or buy should be protected. I think I'm going to make a doily to match them.

 When dirty, you pull them off, wash and put them back on. If you have extras, you don't have to wait for the laundry to get done. The ones at right are a gift for someone. The yarn is Hobby Lobby's I Love This Yarn. It is a new cotton they've created to replace the Sugar n' Cream brand. I actually like it much better. It is a bit softer and easier to work with on small items. They have a ton of colors, too.

The other items I finished last night is the "rug" I was working on from yarn in my stash.Photos do not do this yarn justice. It is so beautiful. I do wish it was softer but it just looks gorgeous. As you can see, the item is not really big enough for much but a throw rug. I just used all the yarn I had left from a previous project. It is really warm and I almost considered it as a lap throw but it barely covers my lap and falls just below my knees. Not really enough to bother with when I have larger throws to hand.

This is a Red Heart Yarn, as I've mentioned before. I loved making this but by the last round, I was getting bored. I used no pattern, just started crocheting in the round and when I finished a row, I figured out what I wanted to do on the next one.I tried to vary the rows. I have some that are single crochet, some double crochet, and some treble crochet. There are a couple of chain rows, and V stitches as well as a couple of mixed rows: double crochet and chains.

It wasn't hard but I made mistakes here and there. Once it gets this big, counting stitches is so tedious but for fans and shells, you have to have the right number of stitches to make it work. A couple of times I had to pull out several inches and work two stitches together to correct for miscounting. For the most part, only an expert might find my errors but this isn't to sell or give away. I'll use it. I am considering buying a  backing to put on it and make it slip resistant. Originally, I was going to put it in Sarah's room because these are the colors we have in there. However, if you saw her floor on an average day, you'd know it would be wasted on her.

I started on another coaster cozy using a small ball of yarn, left over from a sweater I made for Sarah. I think it will be really pretty. It is an extra so I can wash some one of my others. I am also making it in a brighter color.

I've written a little. I have to get the short story done now. So, I'm going to try and spend the rest of the week doing that. I'm behind in reading but I've been also been busy straightening out the chaos resulting from getting rid of the large computer desk and clearing out Sarah's room to repair the ceiling. Her room is more or less in order. There are a couple of items still to move but nothing major.

It is the stuff I took out of the desk that presents problems. I had no idea that desk held so much! And so much that I hadn't even looked at in ages. I found Jerry's driver's license, our military IDs from years ago, his USI student ID, and his VA ID. All had his photos on them. I found old letters he'd written to me when he went to Germany. They'd been stored in a scrap book I had in the book case that was in Sarah's room but is not in the den. They were very personal and I had to smile at how foolishly romantic we were. They were just sappy and drama ridden. Very "soap opera" to me. Did other young couples write such letters? I don't know.

For a brief moment, I remembered that girl and I longed to be her again. She was filled with so much life and she knew how to have fun. Jerry and I had so much fun. We had a lot of the same problems most couples have but more than anything, we had an amazingly good time. And I think it is that which makes life so very hard now. I'm not having fun. Sarah brings me so much joy and the days with her are almost as much fun as what Jerry and I had but it isn't the same. There is this huge void that I no longer believe can ever be filled or bridged or repaired. I want it to be, more than anything. But the reality is it is impossible to ever be in that place and time and to be that person again. Two people died on January 29, 2009. They just didn't bury me.

I won't burden you with more sadness. I'll leave you with a Sarah story.

Sarah is growing up. Recently, she found she had hair under her arms. Obviously, all girls go through this phase but she is a bit young. She'll be 9 in a few weeks. However, we had to deal with the issue. Although the problem wasn't great, it was noticeable, particularly to her. So, I informed her I'd shave the hair off for her and show her how to do it so when she was capable of managing she wouldn't be nervous. We discussed how this would mean it would have to be done all regularly after this. Anyone knows the sooner you start shaving legs and armpits the worse it gets. But you can't just leave it.

Anyway, we took care of it. In seconds it was done and Sarah said, "That fast?"

I just grinned and said, "That fast."

I left her and went to the kitchen. She must have gone to the mirror because the next thing I heard was Sarah shouting, "I'M YOUNG AGAIN!"

I laughed and asked her what she meant.

"I'm young again. Only old people have hair under their arms."

Y'all have a great day.

Current Projects

Have I posted since I got back from Arkansas? I can't remember. I've been sick most of the last week. Today is the best I've felt since the 1st of August.

I started this beautiful project about three weeks ago and did about a dozen rows and put it down. I started working on it again today and I am so thrilled with how it looks. There is no pattern. I make up each row as I go. The plan is to make a small throw rug out of it. 

The yarn is Red Heart and I think this is called Fiesta. It makes a beautiful piece. I've used it before to make a throw for a friend. I had plenty left over to do something else and this is from that stash of leftover yarn every crocheter possesses. 

Red Heart is not known for its cuddly soft yarn. It tends to be a bit scratchy but is very warm in the winter and you can use a fabric softener bath to soften it up a bit. I've made a couple of throws out of it. As a rug it won't matter if it is soft. 

I took this photos early this afternoon. Currently, the piece has grown by at least three or four more rows. I may put rubber backing on it if I use it on the wood floor, but I'm thinking Sarah's room next to her bed. There is a 5' by 7' carpet in there but it is neutral and this would be a beautiful color accent on the rug for that sunny room and it wouldn't slip. It should be nearly three feet in diameter by the time it is done. 

I just love looking at it. It is like sunshine.

For the last three weeks I've also been making washcloths as a gift. They are really pretty and I'm making a few extra for myself. This stitch is called the up and down stitch and makes a nice texture for the cloth, much tighter than previous ones I've made. The tighter texture will be nice for the bath. This is Sugar & Cream cotton thread. Generally, this is used for handbags and other crafts, such as these cloths.

I love making things to give away. I must put yarn gift cards on my Christmas and birthday lists. Only a couple of people buy me gifts these days but if I ask for specific places I usually get them. 

Now, off to the shower and then back to the projects.

Chores

I have returned. Arkansas was lovely and it was a relatively peaceful week. Hardly any pain at all. I slept well. I got to see my son and his family and spend time with the Grands. It was a great week. My aunt and uncle and sister went with me to help drive the 12-hour trip. Everyone had a good time and it was evident. Sarah has a birthday party while she was there and that was fun.

I'm tired this morning because I didn't get enough sleep.

Before I left we worked on finishing Sarah's room and it looked beautiful. We walked her in with her eyes covered and she seemed thrilled. She wants to move things around a bit because she's decided she doesn't like where her bed is. She was very sweet. "I don't want to hurt your feelings, Mawmaw..." Of course, it didn't. It is her room. So, we'll be changing that and getting her things unpacked and put away.

I have piles of clothes in my and Sarah's room to put away.

My uncle helped with painting and even painted the trim and doors in a couple of other rooms. He also painted my front door. I bought some blue paint. I think I'm the only one who likes it. Besides, if I get tired of it, I can paint it a different color. I love paint. Bright, beautiful colors just bring so much cheer. Sarah's room is like sunshine now. It was so dark before but I never noticed it because I loved the red paint.

I have to put the light up in Sarah's room.

This week we must prepare for school, which begins on the 10th. She needs skirts and shoes and a book bag and a few more supplies. I bought some but not enough. She needs leggings for when it gets cold. I need to check her winter coat, too.

I have to finish the first draft of my Anthology story.

Now, I'm off. As you can see, there is a lot on my plate and this doesn't tell it all.

I'm tired just reading it all.

Update to Morning Blog 07/15/2015

Thursday Update

Spoon Theory: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

A New Paradigm

All of you know that since I retired I feel as if I'm wasting time. Lately, when I count the things I've been doing, I almost start to think it probably isn't wasted time at all. I've come to the conclusion that this is one of those timey-wimey thingys that Dr. Who talked about. Bear with me as I elucidate why I'm in this state of mind. I apologize if some of it seems repetitive.

For more than three decades, I worked to a schedule. I got children up, dressed, and off to school or some function. I cleaned house, cooked meals, did dishes, made clothing for three people, remodeled rooms, refinished furniture, and went to church three times a week. I also read copious amounts of books, taught myself to crochet, and wrote in my spare time just for fun.

I went to college (in my 30s) where this continued while carrying a full load as a history and journalism student. I learned to structure my time and use a calendar during this phase and it was a habit I carried into the workplace upon graduation. A short war came during that time and I dealt with teenagers and an absent husband. I went to work and for 20 years I continued the pattern, but I sewed less and stopped crocheting.

My husband became sick and there were bouts of work and hospital time. I got sick and I still worked and took care of my home and cooked, cleaned, and did laundry. Children came and went with spouses. I read when I could and wrote when I could. Then, my spouse died and I learned that I had to kill bugs for myself, take out the trash, cut the yard, trim hedges, repair broken windows, handle car repairs and plumbing issues ....on top of my income producing job. There was also drama from grown children, a grandchild, but I stopped reading as much. Still, I managed to get it all done, although some things took longer than I'd have liked.

My own illness forced me to quit my job. Suddenly, I couldn't get anything done. Laundry piled up. Housework seems beyond me. I need repairs I can't do. I can't carry things that I used to be able to carry. I can't sweep or mop for long. But thanks to the riding mower, the yard still gets cut. Writing is going better, but I know that one bout of an RA flare will wipe that out. Compared to the amount of work I used to do, I'm basically useless, at least, that is what part of my brain tells me.

I needed some validation so I glanced back over the last month to see how much time I've wasted. I use apps to keep track of my time these days, along with that trusty calendar. Rescue Time and Grammarly give me reports showing how I've spent my time. The goal is to reduce waste.

Grammarly reports that from June 1 until July 5 I wrote 38,356. I'm stunned. I can't believe that, but it also includes Gmail, Facebook, G+, Blogger, and any items I responded to online. I rarely use it for writing on my computer because I have to upload it. I don't do that. But that's a lot of writing.

Rescue Time clarifies this in terms of time. On writing programs: Blogger, Open Office, and Scrivener I spent 39 hours. I'm pleased with that but it could be better. My goal is a minimum of 2 hrs per day. I've only managed to average 58 minutes per day. On Social Networking sites: 36 hrs. I have to reduce this even more, although, RescueTime calculates that I've averaged only 30 minutes a day. For July only, I've spent 8 hrs on writing pursuits and 7 on social networking. This doesn't include Gmail.

For June/July: I've also crocheted one Barbie dress and one throw. I'm working on a second throw and a dish towel. I've read about 4 novels. I read my Bible for about an hour in the mornings. I have done laundry weekly and have gotten better at putting it away (I hate putting laundry away). I wash dishes every day by hand ( I hate dishes). I've cut the yard weekly. I've watched a lot more t.v. but while I'm crocheting, not just mindlessly sitting. I never did that anyway. I always read a book during commercials, but there are no commercials on Netflix.

I've walked 1.5 miles about 4 times in the last month. I've had two writer's meetings. I'm working on 30 short stories in 30 days, and the anthology story. I'm preparing a workshop for the writer's group meeting in 2 weeks. I spent a day taking people to doctor's appointments.

It all looks good on paper, doesn't it? Yes?

No. When I look at this the Alpha part of my brain tells me I'm not doing anything important. Alpha says I should get the rooms painted. I should clean every day. I should consider getting a part-time job so I can do something besides sit in the house all day. It tells me I sleep too much, even though I'm severely fatigued and in pain. Most days I need a nap of about two hours. Pain is not an acceptable past time. If I got up and moved around I might not be fatigued. Life is too short to waste in that fashion. I need to exercise more. I'm spending too much time on writing and a writing group and not on really important things, like fixing drywall and painting walls. If I went to work I'd have the money for paint. I might even be able to pay someone to paint for me and allow me to do more real work. I should probably volunteer for something, too, you know, to make me a better person.

Yes, this is a real conversation. Stop looking at me like that.

Now, the Beta part (for want of a better term) says I'm constructive. I'm creating useful items for other people. Throws for gifts, doll dresses for Sarah, dishcloths for gifts and myself, study guides for the church school. I can write all I want at last. I can go to lunch with people I like and who seem to like me. They come to visit me, too. I can run a writing group. I can walk when I want, even in the rain. I can take a trip if I want to visit family (well if I had the money, which Alpha says I'd have if I found a job).

After writing this, it occurs to me that our brains are wired this way over time. We are not born drones.  We're created as playful beings and we come into the world wired for learning play. We spend the next 20 years playing and learning, generally with great joy and excitement.

Gradually, the  playing stops and we learn some more. We learn we have to work. No one is happy about this, by the way. Most of the joy and excitement begins to drain away through the holes in our head. Still, if we want to be able to play, less frequently, we have to work more frequently. So, life and college rewires our brains to this new concept of work. We work more so we can have more toys but less time to play.

We find we must structure our days to fit around this phenomenon called work so we can function effectively. We throw ourselves into it with verve and can-do spirit. We get calendars and clocks, something we had no use for in childhood. We sync our brain to these items by getting up day after day, at the same time and going to the same place day after day. We check the calendar to be sure we aren't missing something. We become slaves to time. And if something goes wrong - the clock breaks down, the calendar gets lost, our spouse dies, or we lose our jobs - we lose our sense of purpose and direction. We become zombies who can't function without a handler. We're worn out and old and no longer remember what play is.

That's where I am. I've realized that I have to start over and rewire my brain to a new paradigm. This is traumatic. Really, it is not a good feeling at all. In fact, my brain is resisting the process. I don't know how to not to do things. The old construct states that for adults, play is non-productive. It does not contribute to the betterment of individuals, society, or the world. Play is wasteful and directionless. To be a real person with value, you must work. You must produce to be useful and you must do it forever.

It is a very difficult process to rewire your brain to do something you spent years teaching it not to do. With each project, I have to tell myself that what I'm doing has purpose and value. I've been trying to adjust for seven years to a new way of life without my spouse. It has been hell. Really. Now, I am forced to readjust that life once more, to something else.

I'd really like to just sit on the beach.

That'd just be a waste of time.

Winding Up the Week

 What a busy week it was this past week! I finished two crochet projects. The throw I was working on for someone's birthday. The throw is made with I Love This Yarn from Hobby Lobby with a size I hook. The pattern is one from a book of 61 different squares for a sampler. I just picked one and made it bigger. I've used that book for several items I've made by simply picking one of the squares.

I also made this little thing at the left. It came out so lovely that I want to do another one. It is a dress for Sarah's Barbie doll. I think next one will be white and a long version. I also have a pattern for a Victorian travel outfit that I'd like to try.

I have to tell you, this is tedious. Yarn is much easier to crochet once you know how. Although, I learned to crochet on thread, it has been years and it was more like the stuff you make wash cloths out of. I don't recommend you start with this particular kind of thread.

The variegated thread is size #10 and the needle is 1.7 mm. Yes, that is very small.  The thread is just a bit bigger than quilting thread, which is slightly larger than sewing thread. The needle... I think a pen head about the same as size as that hook. I took my time and finished it over the course of a couple of weeks. I was so thrilled with it, despite the numerous errors I made and which I can immediately find. You could too, but not in a photo. Still it is for play and not a showcase.

I started a new project last night while watching t.v. with Mike. It will be another throw, made with Red Heart Yarn in with several colors. It is an interesting pattern I found online and wanted to try. They made a baby blanket with it but mine will be larger at least as large at the one pictured above. This new throw is going to also be heavier.

Red Heart yarn is a bit scratchy and I don't like it. They do have a huge variety of colors but it is really not a cozy up yarn. I don't mean it is impossible to have next to you but there are now other yarns much more cozy against the skin. Most are competitively priced, are far softer. When my batch is of this rougher Red Heart is gone, I probably won't buy anymore of it. I did recently find a Red Heart yarn that is softer than their most common yarn so if I can find the colors I want, I may try that. I bought one super sized skein in white to try.

I also made a personal blog challenge 30 Shorts in 30 Days. I'm done three so far and this is shaping up to be fun. I even made a button to put up when I'm done.  I'm also working on my anthology story for the writing group.

I'm trying to get my ceiling replaced. I've got mortar joints that need repair and I'm waiting on final estimates for both jobs. In fact, I got the last one for the mortar joints today. So, I hope by the end of the month those will be done. Mike and I have to tear out the ceiling next week in preparation for the new one.

I will be going to Arkansas the last week of this month to pick Sarah up and bring her home before school starts. I've missed her but I dread having to get up at 6:30 every morning. Time is just moving so quickly. She'll be 9 in less than two months.

I'm going to get done with this post now and go work on the new crochet project. This coming week, I'm hoping to organize some things and become a bit more productive. I want a schedule back in place before Sarah gets back. It will keep up both on track.

I posted my 3rd short story of the month called The Fourth. I hope you've all had a great 4th of July.

Results from the Facebook Fast

Courtesy of Pixabay.com

My Facebook Fast ended yesterday and I'm rather sad. I liked being off Facebook. It did wonders for me to be able to ignore it and I found myself with far less wasted time. I complain about being nonproductive and I knew that Facebook was a huge part of the problem.

Let me be very clear here. This is my problem. If you can sit in front of facebook for hours on end and feel useful, good for you. If you don't spend but a few hours a month on it, that's wonderful. I view it as a problem. I'm an information addict and it is easy for someone like me to get sucked into "info dumps". That's a place where there is unlimited data with a varying levels of value. The problem is you have to sort it. That takes time, wasted time.

While I did cut down dramatically - from 51 hrs in May to 24 hrs in June - that is still too much time wasted on Facebook. Twenty-four hours spent on anything that doesn't profit me mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or financially, is a waste.

So, with that in mind, I still have to do something. I downloaded the Block Site from the Chrome store in mid-June to aid me in avoiding Facebook and it did help. I was able to override it when I needed to go in for group items or to check on my family. I will continue to use Block Site to control my access and time on Facebook. Even with it, there were a few days I spent far more on FB than was necessary. One day I spent 7 hrs. No one paid me either.

I noted that the worse I felt, the more I was apt to go to Facebook and I didn't feel better when I got off. When I was busy with crochet, reading, writing, working in the yard, or the house I had no desire to even bother with Facebook. But, once on Facebook, I immediately lost track of time and was sucked into the vortex of sludge in the stream. Yes, sludge. I needed a shower after my swim most of the time.

When I realized the draws, I started paying more attention and evaluating what I was seeing, rather than just reading what friends and family posted. There is a lot of garbage that I'm feeding my brain. In general, I tend to read scientific, historical, educational, crochet, or craft items most but on Facebook nothing is arranged in any order and you have only two choices, Top Stories or Most Recent. So one is forced to swim through all the other debris to reach the items that most interest you.

Traditional advertising gimmicks serve as hooks to pull you into things that look interesting. Recently, I found an article of historical photos that I saw months ago. I have now seen it four times under different headlines to make it look like a new post. Also, videos are a problem if they aren't on YouTube. You may want to see one video but are pulled onto a site which has three videos playing in the sidebar that you can't turn off and you can't find the mute button on. These are time sinks and bandwidth devourers that take forever to view.

One of the problems is that if you have a very diverse group of "friends" you're going to get a lot of junk. We don't all share the same politics, religion, and fashion sense. This is the major flaw that I see in Facebook. There is no way to control your content unless you eliminate people from your contacts. You get the good with the bad, the ugly with the beautiful. I've been unfollowing people in the last week. I like the people I have on my list and I don't want to penalize them for their opinions but I also don't agree with some of it. There is only the follow button that gives you any control at all.

Courtesy Pixabay.com

I started comparing my time on Facebook with G+ during my fast. I'm on G+ drastically less than Facebook. The 51 hrs in May on Facebook .... 5 hrs on G+. For June -  FB = 24 hrs: G+ = 5 hrs. Huge difference.  Why? What was different?

1. I don't have a lot of family on G+ but that isn't much of a factor because I'm rarely conversing with them on Facebook anyway. I do read their posts but not a whole lot.
2. I actually have more connections on G+ than Facebook. This is due to the way people connect to you. But they don't seem to post as much "stuff" so I'm not wasting time shuffling through it.
3. Facebook is a random stream of stuff with no organization, no way to organize posts, no way to find a post once it is months old. G+ is organized by interest, communities, and circles. You still have to sort, but they have a tag system, too. If I want to post something about crochet, I have a label for that. If I want to visit the communities I'm in, I select Communities. I can create labels, collections, and everything is sorted under them. Finding things takes way less time and there is less chance of getting sucked into useless items. 
4. There is more focused, educational, and well-written content and less Buzz Feed, and fewer post with the endless redirect links to the content. There are also fewer links to sites with huge quantities of advertisements and bandwidth sucking content. There is some of that but far less than Facebook.

The reason for these could be because FB has more people. I don't care. I'm never going to talk to a million people, let alone 4 million or billion or whatever the last census said. I'm sorry to say, and if you get offended you can unfriend me from Facebook, but it appears that the level of education is at the upper end for G+. I'm linked to things like Neuroscience,  Health, History Channel, Scientific American, Time, TED, PBS, NPR, Nature, and Bible Gateway. That's the kind of stuff I like to read.

Facebook caters to millennials and teenagers, ergo, the content is geared to that: clothes, jewelry, loudmouthed videographers, every pet known to man, children, and food. There's more but to avoid becoming even more offensive, I'll stop there. Yes, there is some of that on G+ but quality far exceeds quanity there.

The net result is that it takes far less time to go through my G+ stream and read the items of interest, targeted to me,  than it does to wade through the stream on Facebook and sort out the debris. Facebook's idea of "target" is to put ads up they think will suck you in.

Yes, I'm arrogant. But I appreciate structure and order and I like feeding my brain amazing stuff.

Overall, I've learned a lot about myself through this 30 day Facebook Fast. It was important. It matters what I feed my mind and soul. I'm not happy being controlled by social media. I intend to retain my independence and to guard my brain against the effects of the sludge. If I fail to do this, it is no one's fault but mine.

I can choose to fill up on cute cats, funny dogs, adorable babies, and insulting articles from both sides of the political and religious fences. I'm sick of it all. Alternately, I can read good books, make beautiful crochet items, make repairs to my house, write stories, mow the grass,  watch movies with Mike, or just sit on the patio. I've decided for me, that is far better than swimming in cesspools.

Day 28: Facebook Flop? Sort of........

Although I've flubbed my 30 day Facebook Fast,(I know I have two days left) I have cut down on the amount of time I've been spending on it. I'm going to have to continue to battle I suspect. I'm using a site blocker in Chrome now. I'm fairly faithful to myself but at times I've  had to turn it off so I can go in and that is annoying because I don't want to. Honestly, I'm about ready to just chuck the whole thing. Let me explain.

I don't subscribe to newspapers. I do not have cable television or local television. I do not wish, desire, or covet either of these things. I had them for years. I suffered from severe depression and worry. I still battle those diseases. When I dropped those, I found life was not filled with a million negative images and words. I have not missed them.

Facebook, in my opinion, is worse. Particularly since it gives the impression that the whole world is insane. I don't particularly believe that but it looks that way on the inside. And the insanity is highly contagious. And keeping up with the news is worse than depressing. I'm not surprised that some folks go off the rails and start doing horrible things. A steady died of having the mess out there shoved down your throat all day, every day is unhealthy. The problem with this country... don't get me started.

I will keep using the site blocker and spend as little time as possible on Facebook.

So, what have I been doing this week?

• I've been finishing the crochet throw I've been working on. The skein of yarn you see on the throw is my last skein.
• Starting a crochet dress for one of Sarah's Barbie dolls. 
• Trying to repair a ceiling. Semi-successful.
• Researched all morning for a drywall contractor to replace said ceiling. 
• Called a dozen this morning and sent emails. No one answered or they didn't want the job. Mike started calling and got three appointments!
• Trying to find someone to do some masonry work. Got three bites.
• Contemplating the tall grass that needs mowing and trying to decide when to cut it. Not today as it rained again. Maybe tomorrow. 
• Watching Bones from the beginning on Netflix. While I crochet, of course.

• Working on River City Writers stuff: 

1. free seminars/workshops 
2. my short story for the anthology 
3. the agendas for meetings
4.  scheduling meeting places
5. creating in polishing my seminar presentation for July. 
6. Oh, On Thursday I took a friend to her doctor's appointment and Mike to his. 

My friend had a procedure that took from about 8:30 until about noon. Mike's appointment was for a final check of his leg. His appointment took just as long as that procedure! The office was bursting with people. We are usually in and out in 30 minutes. So all day at medical facilities but at least it wasn't for ME! The result is I am nearly finished with the throw.

I'm not sure I've been very productive, but I'm sure tired.

Day 26: Ceiling Problems

Day 25: Do You Ever Wish for an Uneventful Day?

Courtesy Pixabay

I know it sounds silly. On those days when nothing is going on, I'm so annoyed because there is just nothing of interest happening. Even this retirement thing is a pain. I've had the devil of a time trying to learn to be retired. You'd think it would be a breeze. It isn't.

So, I was going to repair the ceiling and wall in Sarah's room while she was gone and repaint the room. It was a simple job. Scrape off old paint, patch a few rough spots, sand down drywall mud, paint. Really, as home repairs go for me, this was a piece of cake. After all, I didn't have to reinvent the wheel. 

LIES! LIES! LIES! 

I started scraping the paint. It was old damage from when there was a leak that we were unaware of. It had bowed the drywall and caused the paint to begin to flake, although it never came off the ceiling. No biggie. I scraped off the first chip, maybe the size of a half dollar. 

That. Is. Mold.

I scraped off another flake, larger this time. Oh no. Crumbles of what appeared to be sand fell on my hand. Oh no. That's a hole. I scraped an area about 1 ft x 8 in. The hole you see near the wall is all the way through the ceiling and large enough to put a man's fist through. 

Now, this isn't my first rodeo, folks. If you're read this blog for a more than a decade, you know that home repair for my family is a unique and .... exciting event. I refer you to How to Install a Faucet

This was not going to be a simple project. This was major repair the required a 2x3 ft section of the ceiling to be replaced. Why so large? Because there is mold on the damaged section. I don't know how far under the paint it goes. Because the drywall bowed from the leak and although dry for years, it is still bowed. I won't be able to patch an unlevel surface with a small section of drywall. I have to cut a patch wide enough to fit between the rafters and long enough to eliminate the bowed section... about 3 feet. 

To facilitate this, Mike had to go in the attic to remove the insulation from the area. My insulation is blown in and it will fall all over us when we remove the section of the ceiling. It was about 150 degrees in the attic. My roof is low. Mike is 200 lbs. He was nearly ready to faint in the 15 minutes he was in the attic. 

I've already heard that he should have waited until night to do that. Unfortunately, I have to sleep and I doubt the attic would have cooled below 100F before 3 a.m. He can't go in my attic in the middle of the night without help and someone to supervise in case of emergency. So, we settled on a 15 minute time frame to get in and out. Of course the vents and supports and the low roof served as blocks in his passage. He's a big guy. We elected to remove only enough insulation to allow us to take out some of the damage drywall and then try to move the rest when we take out the ceiling. Fortunately, I learned some things during the process. 

As I stood on the ladder with a light stuck through the hole so he wouldn't waste time searching for the area, I figured out how to repair this with the least amount of trouble and without having to go back into the attic to do it. And it will be perfect. In fact, if the section is longer than I anticipate, It will be no problem, except I'll be the one having to hold the thing up. I'm not sure how that's going to work. 

Mike lay on the couch with a wet cloth wiping himself down and drank 32 oz of water. It took half an  hour for him to recover. We went an got lunch. He did his laundry at my house and before he went home, he stuffed a plastic bag in the hole to keep the heat from coming through. 

I am going to write. Tomorrow, we're going to work on the ceiling and I have lunch with my writer friends. Thank goodness! Thursday, Mike goes back to the orthopedic doctor to see where he stands. (No pun intended.) Friday, I hope we're done with the ceiling. 

I'll think about the next step after that. 

Day 19: Facebook What?

The Blahs 
I will admit I fell off the wagon this week. I've had so much pain in my hands and a hideous headache all day yesterday that all I could do was sit and stare at the computer, which didn't really help at all. I finally took sumatriptan around noon and it finally cleared out around 5 p.m. I lay in the recliner for three hours with something over my eyes and an ice pack, both of which did not help. I had Pandora set to Relaxation music. I've used it several times and it is amazing. Still, I'm not sure if it was the medicine or the weather but the headache left. It rained around the same time.

Spending Money
Today, I had a dental appointment for a cleaning this morning. Cha-ching $200. No dental insurance yet. They told me dental insurance was nearly useless since it didn't pay much and if it cost me more than $400 a year it would be a waste. Well, yeah! But what if i need a root canal or extraction or whatever!

Balanced Diet is So Important
You may have noticed the sandwich in this post. That is my lunch. And breakfast. I didn't eat before going to the dentist. I just want to point out that this is a completely balanced meal. Bacon, lettuce, tomato, bread. All four food groups plus whatever mayo falls into... maybe dessert. I was famished and remember again why you shouldn't skip meals. But it was good.

Fastbook What? Flop?
I pointed out in my title that this is day 19 of the Facebook Fast...  which has rapidly degenerated this week. I've been on Facebook too much, particularly since FAST denotes not getting on at all!  My state of mind has not been good. The weather has been pretty much horrible most days - hot, wet, cloudy, hot, wet, cloudy. Too uncomfortable to go out for long. My hands have been very painful and made any writing and even crochet painful. the headache presented visual problems. Yard work was out of the question. I was exhausted for days for some reason. I mean several days. Yesterday was a monster headache  that even my pill had trouble with most of the afternoon.

Light at the End of the Tunnel
I was finally able to continue work on the crochet throw I'm making for someone. It is really coming along and is so pretty. I really like the Hobby Lobby yarn "I Love This Yarn". It comes in a lot of colors and is so soft and warm. I found out this is called Seaspray

I've used three skeins and it is already about 24 inches deep. I have three more skeins left. The width is probably a yard and a half. I think it will be a perfect t.v. lap throw.

That about wraps up the morning. It is 1:35 p.m. now and I'm headed for a nap. I've started needing one about this time every day and I've decided to stop fighting it. I was going to write but since the better part of the day is gone and I'm feeling sleepy, I'll wait a few hours to get to that.

Have a great Humpday and hope the rest of the week is downhill. For those of you in Texas and other areas affected by Bill, do we need to send a boat? I have some duct tape and a tarp.....

Day 17: A Bit of This 'N That

Today has been one of those days when nothing got done. I mean really nothing. My sister's car had to go to the shop at 7 a.m. and Mike, bless him, came over and we picked up her car and took it to the shop. We both came back to my house and both of us crash landed. He lay down on the sofa and I went back to my bed and slept until 10 a.m., something I never do. Aside from the oddity, it was great sleep. The problem is, I slept two hours yesterday afternoon and went to bed around 11:30 last night, so I shouldn't have been that tired.

If you saw yesterday's video, you know I spent my time crocheting and watching Netflix. I'm watching CSI:NY. I watched it the first season it was on but stopped in the second season. I think that is when Jerry died and I turned off the cable. Although CSI: Las Vegas is my favorite show, I never cared much for the NY one and I absolutely hated the Miami show. Still I love Gary Sinise in anything so, I'm going to watch it again. It passes the time when I'm tired.

I had a lot of problems with my hands yesterday. Could hardly crochet. It stormed late in the evening and my hands were better this morning after I got up the second time. They've begun hurting again this afternoon and a brief shower began a little while ago. So unstable weather, as usual is a factor in inflammation.

As for today, after we both woke up, we kind of just hung around trying to figure out why we were so tired and then we went to Sonic for lunch. Mike has shopping to do today so he brought me home and went off to do that. I spent the rest of the day reading until I finished the book I had started yesterday. Then I messed around with my photos, posting some I forgot about.

Sarah is having a good time at her Dad's. I can tell when I talk to her, however brief the calls are. She's just so busy.

I'm going now to download a new book and work on my crochet. I keep thinking I'll work on my writing but at the moment, I just don't want to do that. The crochet is going well, but it is difficult with the pain in my fingers. I suspect that is another pleasure that is soon to be gone.

Good night to you.

Day 16: Saturday Catch Up

Day 14: Working My Fingers to the Bone... It Hurts

I've been doing yard work for about a week now and I'm taking the weekend off. Mike helped me with the weed trimming... finally. I got the yard cut again. Today he came early and we put dirt, a weed barrier, and cedar mulch around the front of the  house. Water backs up against the foundation when it rains and I have always had a concern about that. This is my attempt to prevent some of that by raising the areas directly against the house. Don't know if it will work but it can't hurt.

Besides, it  looks better and will make grass cutting a bit easier here since the mower can't really get close to the house. This is on the west facing part of the house. I want to continue it along the south side, that's the corner nearest you in the photo, and continue along the back (east side) of the house. I just think it will look better and maybe will help keep out mice. 

They've torn the house next door down this week. The large shovel you see is filling in the huge hole where the basement used to be. It has taken three days of shoveling dirt and they're still not done filling it in.  I had no idea it has such a large basement. It was as big as the house as far as I could tell. It must have been very dark down there as I never saw a single window. 

I felt bad for the owner. This was the house she grew up in and her mother, now deceased, left it several years ago to enter a nursing home. It has been empty, although filled with stuff until they knocked it down. She was a hoarder. Even after they removed truckloads of items, it was still stacked to the ceiling in places. 

It will seem strange to not see it there. I suspect they'll sell it and someone will eventually build on it. If I had the funds, I'd buy it but it takes all I can do to manage the property I have now. And it would raise my taxes anyway. It is a lovely tree filled lot. 

I've had a rather good week physically. There has been very little pain and it is one reason I've pushed so hard to get this outside work done. Mike and I stopped at noon today because by then the heat was just unbearable. I came in and showered and we went to lunch. When I got back home I hurt all over. I just piled up in the recliner with a Snuggy and Pandora set to Spa music for three hours. I had to take something for my sciatica and I actually think it eased the pain in my hands just a bit. Not sure about that but it seemed they were better. It is back medicine so maybe not. 

I couldn't go to sleep because I was in pain, but I did doze off and on. Around 5 p.m., I took two extra strength acetaminophen to take care of the rest of my pain. I'm feeling much better now, but I have taken something to help me sleep and will go to bed in about an hour. After I rested a bit, I did a bit of crochet while I watched a movie. Now, I think I'll go back to it and find something else to watch. 

Did I mention it is day 14 of the Facebook fast? I will admit that I've gone on a few times because people keep emailing me or I need to send a message to someone else. I don't like it. I haven't missed it and what is shocking is when I get on I realize how very much I don't like Facebook. I don't look forward to going back to it. I've downloaded a Chrome extension called Block Site and it allows me to block specific sites and I can block said site during specific hours. Yes, I can turn it off and I have twice. I'm being honest about my lapses but despite my sense of failure, I'm doing rather well. My Facebook hours are blocked from 8 a.m. to 7  p.m. at the moment. So, no getting on during working hours. I can change that, but I'm not going to at this point. 

I think this is a good extension. I can block one site or multiple sites. There is a password feature but if you forget your password, you're kind of stuck. So, with my lengthy list of passwords, I'm not taking that chance at this point. However, I think it is a great feature. I know it works because twice earlier this week I clicked on the FB link. I put a redirect command in the blocker and it takes me to my Gmail page. So, it worked. I'm a fairly faithful person and I'm good at keeping my commitments most of the time. I've fallen off the wagon a few times this week, but I'm not going to throw in the towel. 

I've had to tell Mike twice not to use my account to send messages because it is logging my productivity time also. My Rescue Time logs all my computer activity and my productivity is up 62%  since I went off Facebook. That doesn't count my offline activity. I was shocked at the difference. I went from 32% to 62% in two weeks.

I"m signing off for the night, I think. Hope you all have a great weekend.