The journey of a widowed Southern lady stranded in the Mid-west surviving the
perils and pearls of grief, adult children, grandchildren, writing, retirement, and assorted crises.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Texan Wins Controversial 'White Man' Scholarship - FoxNews.com
I found this highly amusing for a couple of reasons. For years there was an advertisement on television for the National Negro College Fund. Wonderful program I am sure but it offends me because of the hypocrisy. When we saw this commercial my husband and I would wonder what would happen if someone started A National White College Fund to assist whites only. We speculated that it would be called racist and be attacked by the left wing.
I wish Jerry was here so we could say "We were right!" and have a laugh over it. If I had money to spare, I'd actually donate to this scholarship fund! Seriously! I'd be called a racist simply for that reason alone. "Oh, yes, I donate to the "White Man Scholarship Fund". I can even see people being fired for it!
We live in a world where racism is a matter of perspective. You remember the guy who recently said I treated the white clients with more attention that I did him? I told a friend this week that if it became necessary I have two black female clients who have sent me cards stating I was the best case worker they've ever had.
The difference in all of those cases is in what the person wanted to see or hear. I treated them all the same but one wanted to get special treatment while the others wanted fair treatment. Two said thank you while the other stomped his feet and waved a race card.
"Kirk to Enterprise. There's no intelligent life here. Beam me up, Scotty!"
Friday, July 1, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Nearly There.........
So, every year they spend a lot of money getting a clubhouse at a local park where the is swimming... with lots of other people I do not know. Last year I took a deck of cards and Carolyn and I played Uno. A few others drifted over and joined us. Carolyn shares my feelings about these things.
I guess we are just no friendly. But maybe that isn't true. Our senior aide will be leaving tomorrow. She told us today that she could always count on a laugh coming from either Carolyn's office or mine. That is nice. She called us Mutt & Jeff. I laughed and told her I'd not heard that in many years. Mutt & Jeff was a comic strip in the "funnies" for a long time. Two guys, one very tall and the other very short. Carolyn is tall and I'm average. But I guess we are funny. Other staff do laugh at us a lot. Still, for someone who's only known us a year to say that is flattering.
Anyway, I'll probably, I hope, be able to slip away around 3 p.m.
Tonight was the writer's meeting. We have four there. Two others were away. I've written up the meeting on the The Writers' Asylum blog for those who are interested.
I'm headed for bed very soon. I got a relatively good sleep last night but woke at 6 a.m. That is an ungodly hour but I have to get up early tomorrow. Dave's brakes went out on his car. He has to have a way to work. So, he'll take me, got himself and I'll pick up my car before I leave for the picnic or after I get back. He works 9-6 and I work 8-5 So it is a juggling act.
I'm headed for bed and the weekend. A 3-day weekend! Yipee.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
A Nice Break
Vernon, IN. That is only 30 minutes from here and we arranged to meet
for lunch. It was nice to see him, even for a short time. I don't get
to see him as much as I'd like because the distance and because he is
always on the road. He drives a big truck.
I came back to the office and tried to get some paperwork done. I've
not had a good couple of days. In fact, the week has not been very
good. Part of it is things at work but I know part of it is me.I have
just been down and last night I simply sat and watched t.v. shows on
Hulu. I picked Sarah up from daycare after work and dropped her off
and went to Joann fabrics to get some trims for her skirts, then I
went home. My original intent was to cut skirts out but I just found I
had no desire to do anything.
I don't have the terrible bouts of crying anymore. But in some ways I
wish I did. Now it is this awful empty feeling where you want to cry
but can't. I had such a rough couple of days at work. I remembered
several years ago under my old boss how things got terrible and I'd go
home to rant and get it off my chest. Jerry would sit and listen and
ask questions or offer sympathy. Sometimes I'd get annoyed at the
questions. Now, my stress pours into the air surrounding me and
darkens it. Coming home on Tuesday I was overwhelmed with the
realization that I'd only added to Jerry's misery with my gripes. He
couldn't fix it for me, hated that I had to work, hated not to be able
to take care of me. It must have been horrendous to sit and listen to
me and be totally helpless. It had to have simply cut him to the bone.
Tonight I'm very tired and on my way to bed. I've had a long day and
I've found that it is one of those days when I seem very confused,
unable to focus, and even my speech seemed affected during the move
briefing. I couldn't get the words to come out right. I felt very
stupid but I knew it was because I just was not all there.
Anyway, I'm off for now. Tomorrow night it the writers' meeting.
Lately I've been tired and not really able to focus on the meetings as
well as I would like so I hope tomorrow I'll find myself less tired.
Monday, June 27, 2011
End of a Busy Monday
I had lunch after this and went in to work at 1 p.m. and was so busy dealing with computer problems and records that I needed to process. One client called my boss and said I'd treated him differently than I had the white people.... that I had not given him as much time as I did the white folks.
Half my co-workers are black, as is my boss. You'd think my racism would have surfaced after 13 years. My boss told the guy that he worked well with me but he'd pass along his concerns. He did in an email to me. My opinion was that he thought he'd get special treatment if he used the race card. I told my boss that because the man had made the complaint I'd no longer discuss anything with him alone and all phone calls would be witnessed and he'd have to appoint the person to be the witness since I didn't want the man saying I'd chosen a white person over a black. I then made a call to the man with a black co-worker present and told him that all further contact would be witnessed. He never even acknowledged that he's made the complaint!
I had to call his landlord who is another black co-worker and told her about the problem I was having and to give her details she needed on his file. She laughed and said, "I guess I must be white!" She is a big girl and every time she sees me she hugs me.
There is a saying in the department. "Don't tic off the case manager." Every one I know tries very hard to assist clients with problems but when you get a client who lies on you just to get special treatment, you just lost your advocate. We do not attempt to get even. We don't have to. We all know that at some point that particular client is going to be in trouble with their housing. We'll be waiting.
When the day ended in a flurry, I came home to spend the evening with Dave, Becca, and Sarah. It was nice. They had not been over in awhile and I enjoyed it. I ironed the fabric for the next round of sewing.
Now, it is time for beddie-bye. I'm tired and my back is not happy for being here. Hope you all are doing well. I have posted the link to my sewing blog. I have, at this point, only posted what is currently posted here so it won't be new stuff. But I'm looking forward to putting up some other things as I do them. I just counted and with the multiply blog, I have 9 blogs but only about 4 are open and active. Still, it is a lot. I wonder if this means I'm published?
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sarah Said...
Raging Rain, Raging Pain
Thursday, June 23, 2011
You Can Look It Up
Please take note of WHO is making all the decisions about WHO gets health care. No, I don't know if it is true. You can look it up but I find it highly enlightening.
Obama Care Highlighted by Page Number
THE CARE BILL HB 3200
JUDGE KITHIL IS THE 2ND OFFICIAL WHO HAS OUTLINED THESE PARTS OF THE CARE BILL. Judge Kithil of Marble Falls, TX - highlighted the most egregious pages of HB3200. Please read this........ especially the reference to pages 58 & 59
JUDGE KITHIL wrote:
** Page 50/section 152: The bill will provide insurance to all non-U.S. residents, even if they
are here illegally.
** Page 58 and 59: The government will have real-time access to an individual's bank account
and will have the authority to make electronic fund transfers from those accounts.
** Page 65/section 164: The plan will be subsidized (by the government) for all union members, union retirees and for community organizations (such as the Association of CommunityOrganizations for Reform Now - ACORN).
** Page 203/line 14-15: The tax imposed under this section will not be treated as a tax.
(How could anybody in their right mind come up with that?)
** Page 241 and 253: Doctors will all be paid the same regardless of specialty, and the
government will set all doctors' fees.
** Page 272. section 1145: Cancer hospital will ration care according to the patient's age.
** Page 317 and 321: The government will impose a prohibition on hospital expansion; however, communities may petition for an exception.
** Page 425, line 4-12: The government mandates advance-care planning consultations.
Those on Social Security will be required to attend an "end-of-life planning" seminar every
five years. (Death counseling..)
** Page 429, line 13-25: The government will specify which doctors can write an end-of-life order.
HAD ENOUGH???? Judge Kithil then goes on to identify: "Finally, it is specifically stated that this bill will not apply to members of Congress. Members of Congress are already exempt from the Social Security system, and have a well-funded private plan that covers their retirement needs. If they were on our Social Security plan, I believe they would find a very quick 'fix' to make the plan financially sound for their future."
(Such bills are available for review at the congressional websites. On a lighter note, it is nce to know that nursing homes will be a thing of the past.")
Monday, June 20, 2011
My Bed is Calling
Anyway, I hope to finish them up tomorrow night. Then, it will be another round of cutting out I hope by the weekend. I will cut out as much as I can and leave it in a nice neat stack ready to sit and sew together. One day of cutting usually can result in a month of items to sew.
I've discovered I must get a very good chair. I'm using a lawn chair... not the folding kind. The plastic kind that actually look like chairs and they sit pretty good, too. But not for sewing or computer work. Once I get the study emptied and ready to sand, I'll bring the desk chair in here.
There is so much to do and I have so little functional time to do it in. And sometimes recovering from what I do takes longer than the project takes. That sanding job is no fun. And cleaning it up, well, that is a terrible mess. If I don't do it correctly, it will be all over the house.
Ok, I've put it off enough. I have to go to bed. It is now scream at me and it is quite difficult to ignore.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
What A Difference Chocolate Makes!
What I think is that my blood sugar is not regulated. The fact that a chocolate bar made me feel better is not a good sign. But it was a good chocolate bar!
I've been rearranging things getting read to work on the study. The spare room is crowded but not useless. Today Mike and I moved bookcases and printers. I went and bought new glasses. They had a 2 for 1 deal so I have a backup pair.
I like the blue pair a lot. Makes my green eyes turn blue! Happen when I wear blue clothes, too.
The other pair a a tortoise shell color and I like them as well but for some reason they are not as comfortable as they were in the store. Still, it is the first time I've had a back up pair of glasses. I have an old pair I'm going to have turned into work glasses. Be nice to have that!
I am in a writing and sewing mood. I'll have videos later relating to the sewing mood. The Writer's Asylum meeting on Thursday night and Doug's challenge seems to have spurred us all a bit. If I can keep this clarity my writing will be back on track.
It has rained most of the day and it was really a lovely cool morning. The afternoon it cleared and warmed up but it is now cloudy again as night approaches.
I'm almost in awe at how much better I feel today. I woke with pain in the joints of my hands and my neck is bugging me a bit but other than that, I'm pretty good. I am running out of steam a bit. It is just now 7 p.m. and I'm going to get a hot shower and take my medicine and see where the moment takes me.
I have some video surprise coming up on the Multiply site. I say this because my blog is cross posted to a couple of other platforms.
I'm headed off to fix something to eat. Fried chicken from Buy-Low and field peas from the freezer. I love, love, love field peas!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Asylum Meeting
The meeting went well and I've posted all about it on the Asylum blog. I'm too tired to reiterate. Feel free to visit the Asylum and read all about it.
Actually some interesting stuff there now. I'm impressed.
Doesn't take much.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Slow Row Up River
I did have a bit of a melt down last night. I'm still tired today because I sat up too late. I must go to bed earlier tonight. I say this frequently. I feel like sleeping is such a waste of valuable time. I've always felt this but as I have aged, my body tends to disagree with me, in various ways, and to punish me if I ignore the demands. So, I have to sleep more. Besides, when I don't get enough, I get even less done.
I've had hiccups off and on all day and it is quite annoying.
I've been listening to a set of cds Becca gave me by a fella called Lou Tice of the Pacific Institute. Motivational speaker. He has some good ideas. Not new but good. He's on YouTube. As a result of listening to these cds I started to do a couple of the things he suggest. One is positive affirmations. I've practiced this in the past with surprising results. Before you go to sleep every night, say these positive affirmations to yourself. For example, tomorrow will be a good day, I will accomplish .... (you add what you want here). As I said, I've done this in the past. Can't hurt. Actually, I've had several rather calm days and I think it is because of that. So, I'll keep trying it.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Nervous Minister
A member of the flock raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that."
The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly: "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes."
Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?"
The member of the flock said, "I sure could."
"How would you do it?"
"With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Six of One, Half Dozen of the Other
I had fun reading this but at the end I had to laugh. America has Hollywood. England has the Royals.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Setting Sail
I had a bad time with this vacation. The first five days I could not get myself directed. I sat in this house and became more and more depressed until finally I had to get out. I went to the fabric store and bought patterns, fabric, and thread. I came home and managed to get two days of sewing before I practically collapsed with this cold. From Friday until Tuesday, I was more or less immobile. I couldn't breath. I sneezed and my nose ran. I wiped it so much it became raw. And my emotions became as raw as my nose. I cried for no reason and for every reason for days and nights.
I want to say I can't remember feeling so dark in spirit but that wouldn't be true. The last two and half years have been filled with days of such darkness that I don't want to remember. Keeping the blog has been a good thing in this respect. I have been able to go back in time in a way I would not have been able to had I not written it down. I don't go back often. There are some experiences you simply do not want to relive. But now and then, for some reason I find myself looking at entries from those darkest days. These last days have been very dark. I almost looked forward to going back to work.
The analogy has been with me for some time now of drifting on a huge ocean. In one post I mention islands of happiness in a sea of misery. It still holds true, at least for me.
Wednesday morning I was reading the daily devotional that is always near my chair but which I forget at times. I can't remember what I read at the moment but I remember the feeling that nothing makes sense to me anymore. I feel as if I'm adrift on a great sea and I have no idea which direction to steer. My ship, Life, seems to have come to a halt and the sails I set hang limply from the mast. The sea is glass. And as far as I can see, there is no land.
When you are drifting in the doldrums you have little to do except twiddle your thumbs. Blowing the sails will do you no good and only make you dizzy. You need a stiff breeze fill them up and push your bark forward. So, one searches for help in strange places. I went back to study the charts. In this case, my blogs.
Despite what you may think, I still believe that God is always in control. When the storm blows me off track, it is because there is some place I needed to go and my sails were set in another direction. We're creatures of habit and stubborn. Sometimes the only way we'll change our course is to be blown out of it. I believe I've been blown way off course. I've been struggling to chart a new one.
When one is far at sea there are no landmarks, no light houses. The ocean is a shifting landscape of waves and whitecaps, clouds and sky. When far from land, ancient mariners plotted by the stars. There were times, though, when there was no star to steer by, when the heavens were cloaked in darkness and the winds died and the ship was becalmed. And yet, even during the darkest of nights, when clouds hung heavy and there was no wind, the seamen knew that beyond the darkness, somewhere above, the North Star still hung steadfast in the heavens. They had only to wait for the return of the winds to sweep the heavens clear, look up, get their bearings, and sail on.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Stars and garters
Indiana Police Search for Missing College Student Lauren Spierer - FoxNews.com
I do not know what is wrong with this world. Well, I do, but I can't fix it. Pray for them to find this girl. There is also one in N. Carolina that is missing, a nursing student. Went to get something from her car while working and never came back. These are not girls practicing risky behavior. They are, according to everyone, hardworking college students described as very good students, smart and pretty, well liked by everyone.
I honestly do not know what kind of mind it takes to do these things. Subhumans. Animals, and that's an insult to animals.
Sorry if that sounds harsh and uncharitable but these creatures are a blight on society and a disgrace to the human race.
Hypnotist's On-Stage Injury Leaves Three Audience Members in a Trance - FoxNews.com
Saturday, June 4, 2011
I Wanna Learn to Sew
Friday, June 3, 2011
The End Approaches
I did do something totally selfish. I actually went totally off the rails. Most of you know I don't usually splurge on much for myself. I mean, a car is about the only thing I seem to really buy for myself. And that is a necessity. Wouldn't have done that if some nut had been watching where she was going. But other things, well, look how long it took me to actually buy a laptop! I talked about it for two years on the blog before I finally bought it. In fact, Jerry and I had discussed it that long and not until the fall after he died did I actually do it. That is the last expensive thing I bought. Until the car, of course. I've been talking about buying one of those ginormous t.v. sets you put on the wall for over a year now. But have just kept putting it off.
So, today I went shopping. Would you like to know what I bought?
No, not a television.
Yes. I did. It will arrive on Tuesday. This will be the fourth machine I've ever owned. I started with my grandmother's Brother at age 11. It was a great machine. Jerry bought me my own Singer machine when we were stationed in Frankfurt Germany in 1978. I had put it on layaway when I found I was pregnant. The day I came home from the hospital from a miscarriage he picked it up and brought it home for me. I have a photo of me cutting out things that week. I had left Mama's machine, to my eternal regret, with daddy and I have no idea where it is now but I think my mother has it. Jerry learned to sew on that machine and would put his own patches on his uniforms. He liked doing it. That was all the sewing he did of course but he did that. I kept my first Singer for about 15 years, too. Jerry bought me the 2210 below in the early 90's and I used it a lot but after college I gradually stopped sewing except for minor repairs. Once I gained weight it was not as much fun because altering patterns is a lot more work and I got frustrated with it. Until then I didn't have to alter the patterns at all. I will now.
I thought about buying a machine all day yesterday. My old machine is working but it is well over 15 years old. It is one of the first micro-computer machines they came out with. Jerry bought it for me after we moved here in 1990. He was still in service because he bought it at the PX in Ft. Knox, when my sister was stationed there. I have had to have it serviced several times over the years but it still works.
When it begins to drop stitches I know it is time to service but with that costing over $60 a pop, it become less and less of a bargain. I've had it serviced about 7 or 8 times all together. So,I just decided I wanted a new one and since I didn't get that trip to England, I figure this will appease me. I've already started saving again from my trip and will be banking vacation days as well. I'm going to have to do a lot of sewing to make up for the splurge. Besides, I've let this particular hobby wasting for too long. Sarah can reap the benefits... well, if I sew for myself so will I.
I plan to go back to work on Wednesday so won't have much time to play with the new toy for a few days but I am hoping that in the evening I'll put it to use. And my work week will only be three days.
I have discovered several things about me this week. I'm not a very happy person anymore. I always thought I was rather happy. I liked my life and doing the things I always did. Somewhere it changed and became a chore. And work is not something I remotely enjoy. I liked being at home and taking care of my family and home. The things that gave me joy and a feeling of security disappeared over night. When I had to go to work, Jerry hated it and I thought he hated it more than I did. He didn't. Much of the stress I feel is from my job. The rest is from my children. I worry about them constantly, more so since Jerry died, and particularly Mike.
I'm pretty certain that nothing can fix this whole problem. I am a "learn to live with it" person. "Like it or lump" it we used to say as children. I knew what that meant then. I don't now. Suck it up, get over it and all the usual cliches. Life is what it is and I suspect we don't have any control over it. I've heard it said we can control our happiness. If that were true, Jerry would be in the next room. Mike would not be a concern. I'd be planning on how we spend the weekend. Happiness is not in my control. Neither is sadness. It is what it is. So, guess the vacation wasn't a total loss.
Now, I'm going to work on that second skort. I also have some other stuff to do, such as paying bills. I forgot it is the first of the month. House payment due. {sigh}