Thursday, May 7, 2009

What's Marked in My Bible, #14

2 Chronicles 30
17. For there were many in the congregation that were not sanctified: therefore the Levites had the charge of the killing of the passovers for every one that was not clean, to sanctify them unto the Lord.
18. For a multitude of the people, even many of Ephraim, and Manasseh, Issachar, and Zebulun, had not cleansed themselves, yet did they eat the passover otherwise than it was written. But Hezekiah prayed for them, saying, The good Lord pardon every one
19. That prepareth his heart to seek God, the Lord God of his fathers, though he be not cleansed according to the purification of the sanctuary.

Don't know when I found this or what I was studying but it struck me for a particular reason. We presume to tell people the "method" by which they are to be saved. I believe a specific way and I hold fast to that. But, here is a place where there were some in the congregation that were not cleansed according to the required method. The amazing thing is that the penalty for such a thing was death. You could not enter the congregation uncleansed.
Yet, they were allowed in and Hezekiah prayed for their pardon. Verse 20 says that the Lord hearkened to that prayer and healed the people.


Job 2:10. But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.

Good and Evil is from God? There is another verse in Psalms that also states this.


This next one is for Jilly: It is the source of a common saying.
Job 3: 25. For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.

I found the following verses amusing and marked them.

Job 12:1. And Job answered and said,
2. No doubt but ye are the people, and wisdom shall die with you.
3. But I have understanding as well as you; I am not inferior to you: yea, who knoweth not such things as these?

Translation: You're the man and when you're dead there won't be anyone with intelligence around to tell us what to do. I'm as smart as you are and I'm as good as you. In fact, everyone knows this stuff!


What's Marked in My Bible, #13

2 Chronicles 7:14. If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

True prosperity is not gained by donations to the right preacher. It is gained by humbling ourselves, prayer, seeking God's face and turning from our wicked ways.

And for those wondering why we have wars...

2 Chronicles 16: 9. For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him. Herein thou hast done foolishly: therefore from henceforth thou shalt have wars.

The whole chapter details how Asa had purchased aid in war from other people rather than relying on God to defend Judah. The results of his lack of faith in God is a curse of wars.

Helloooo?


Then along comes Jehoshaphat who saw a great multitude rise against Judah. He "set himself to seek the Lord and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah."

The results?
2 Chronicles 20:7. Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the Lord with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; to morrow go out against them: for the Lord will be with you.

Not marked but interesting -> verse 30. So the realm of Jehoshaphat was quiet: for his God gave him rest round about.

What's Marked in My Bible, #13

2 Chronicles 7:14. If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Amen.

Pain, Pain, Go Away....

Don't come again another day.

Nursery rhymes are fun.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

What's Marked in My Bible, #12

II Samuel 7:14 I will be his father, and he shall be my son. If he commit iniquity, I will chasten him with the rod of men, and with the stripes of the children of men:
15. But my mercy shall not depart away from him, as I took it from Saul, whom I put away before thee.

A promise of faithfulness.


II Samuel 21:20 And there was yet a battle in Gath, where was a man of great stature, that had on every hand six fingers, and on every foot six toes, four and twenty in number; and he also was born to the giant.

Remember the earlier post about the Nephilim and children of Anak? This is very probably one of their descendants. There are several giants mentioned in this book, all related to one another, brothers I believe.

I Kings 22:21-22 And there came forth a spirit, and stood before the Lord, and said, I will persuade him.
22. And the Lord said unto him, Wherewith? And he said, I will go forth, and I will be a lying spirit in the mouth of all his prophets. And he said, Thou shalt persuade him, and prevail also: go forth, and do so.

God sent lying spirits to stop destroy Ahab.

Pray for My Brother-in-Law

My sister Roselynn emailed me today to say Russell, her husband, is in the Gainsville, Florida burn hospital. He is going to need skin graphs. At this point, I don't know exactly how serious this is. She said they are keeping him sedated when they clean the leg.

You may know that cleaning burned skin is torture for the victim. So sedation is a must. Russell is also diabetic and the risk of infection for a burn in general is high. For a diabetic, it is even higher.

Russell is like one of my brothers and we all love him very much. Please keep him in your prayers for a full recovery. He will have to miss quiet a bit of work because of this and they are worried about money.

I'm sure she will post information on her blog as she has time.

Monday, May 4, 2009

What's Marked in My Bible, #11

1 Samuel 9:9 (Beforetime in Israel, when a man went to inquire of God, thus he spake, Come, and let us go to the seer: for he that is now called a Prophet was beforetime called a Seer.)

Just an interesting verse to me. No special reason.

1 Samuel 10:6 And the Spirit of the Lord will come upon thee, and thou shalt prophesy with them, and shalt be turned into another man.

1 Samuel 15: 22b & 23...Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams. 23. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.

1 Samuel 15:29 And also the Strength of Israel will not lie nor repent: for he is not a man, that he should repent.

1 Samuel 16:7b . . .for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

I do not think these need explanation but if you have a question, you can ask.I would suggest reading the entire chapter where the verses are found to discover the point. I know the stories and these verses are the whole point of the story.


What's Marked in My Bible, #10

Judges 14:4, 6b, 9

4. But his father and his mother knew not that it was of the Lord, that he sought an occasion against the Philistines: for at that time the Philistines had dominion over Israel.

6b but he told not his father or his mother what he had done.

9. And he took thereof in his hands, and went on eating, and came to his father and mother, and he gave them, and they did eat: but he told not them that he had taken the honey out of the carcase of the lion.

Again, the whole chapter is a good story. These verses revealed that Sampson plotted the destruction of an entire nation, right down to the woman he knew would betray him. He never told his parents anything about what was going on.

What's Marked in My Bible, #9

Judges 13:18b Why askest thou thus after my name, seeing it is secret?

I no longer remember why I marked this. I suspect it has something to do with wondering why the angel did not reveal his name to Manoah (father to Sampson). But remember that verse earlier that said the secret things belong to the Lord and the revealed things to us? That might be a clue.


What's Marked in My Bible, #8

Judges 1:6 But Adonibezek fled; and they pursued after him, and caught him, and cut off his thumbs and his great toes.

Please remember that these are scriptures in the Holy Bible that I have marked over a period of 40 years. They all have or had meaning when marked. Some are what I believe are profound truths, some are interesting stories, and some are oddities. All from my perspective. You may take them seriously or not.

This is one of the oddities. It is a good story if you read the whole thing. In fact, the book of Judges is a very interesting book. Lots of stuff in this very short book. The next is of import to me for a very good reason. Who can guess the reason?

Judges 3:15 15. But when the children of Israel cried unto the Lord, the Lord raised them up a deliverer, Ehud the son of Gera, a Benjamite, a man lefthanded: and by him the children of Israel sent a present unto Eglon the king of Moab.

And this is important for another reason. Can you guess this?

Judges 4:4 And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.
Judges 4:9b for the Lord shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman.

If you guessed the first woman Judge in Israel, you are right. And the first woman assassin. So, for those who believe in women keeping silent and not teaching... read verse 5, which, incidentally is not marked in my Bible.

5. And she dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in mount Ephraim: and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment.

Judges 11:1-40 I had to write a paper on whether or not all promises should be kept. This chapter was the basis of my premise that "Yes, promises must be kept." I hightlighted verses 30, 31, 32b, 34, and 35. I've posted the entire chapter here for those interested. This is a very good story, by the way. One question that came up in class was did Jephthah kill his daughter or did he simply put her away in confinement. I believed he put her away because the laws against killing ones children. Most of the class believed he actually killed her as a fulfillment of his vow. You make your own assessment.

1. Now Jephthah the Gileadite was a mighty man of valour, and he was the son of an harlot: and Gilead begat Jephthah.
2. And Gilead's wife bare him sons; and his wife's sons grew up, and they thrust out Jephthah, and said unto him, Thou shalt not inherit in our father's house; for thou art the son of a strange woman.
3. Then Jephthah fled from his brethren, and dwelt in the land of Tob: and there were gathered vain men to Jephthah, and went out with him.
4. And it came to pass in process of time, that the children of Ammon made war against Israel.
5. And it was so, that when the children of Ammon made war against Israel, the elders of Gilead went to fetch Jephthah out of the land of Tob:
6. And they said unto Jephthah, Come, and be our captain, that we may fight with the children of Ammon.
7. And Jephthah said unto the elders of Gilead, Did not ye hate me, and expel me out of my father's house? and why are ye come unto me now when ye are in distress?
8. And the elders of Gilead said unto Jephthah, Therefore we turn again to thee now, that thou mayest go with us, and fight against the children of Ammon, and be our head over all the inhabitants of Gilead.
9. And Jephthah said unto the elders of Gilead, If ye bring me home again to fight against the children of Ammon, and the Lord deliver them before me, shall I be your head?
10. And the elders of Gilead said unto Jephthah, The Lord be witness between us, if we do not so according to thy words.
11. Then Jephthah went with the elders of Gilead, and the people made him head and captain over them: and Jephthah uttered all his words before the Lord in Mizpeh.
12. And Jephthah sent messengers unto the king of the children of Ammon, saying, What hast thou to do with me, that thou art come against me to fight in my land?
13. And the king of the children of Ammon answered unto the messengers of Jephthah, Because Israel took away my land, when they came up out of Egypt, from Arnon even unto Jabbok, and unto Jordan: now therefore restore those lands again peaceably.
14. And Jephthah sent messengers again unto the king of the children of Ammon:
15. And said unto him, Thus saith Jephthah, Israel took not away the land of Moab, nor the land of the children of Ammon:
16. But when Israel came up from Egypt, and walked through the wilderness unto the Red sea, and came to Kadesh;
17. Then Israel sent messengers unto the king of Edom, saying, Let me, I pray thee, pass through thy land: but the king of Edom would not hearken thereto. And in like manner they sent unto the king of Moab: but he would not consent: and Israel abode in Kadesh.
18. Then they went along through the wilderness, and compassed the land of Edom, and the land of Moab, and came by the east side of the land of Moab, and pitched on the other side of Arnon, but came not within the border of Moab: for Arnon was the border of Moab.
19. And Israel sent messengers unto Sihon king of the Amorites, the king of Heshbon; and Israel said unto him, Let us pass, we pray thee, through thy land into my place.
20. But Sihon trusted not Israel to pass through his coast: but Sihon gathered all his people together, and pitched in Jahaz, and fought against Israel.
21. And the Lord God of Israel delivered Sihon and all his people into the hand of Israel, and they smote them: so Israel possessed all the land of the Amorites, the inhabitants of that country.
22. And they possessed all the coasts of the Amorites, from Arnon even unto Jabbok, and from the wilderness even unto Jordan.
23. So now the Lord God of Israel hath dispossessed the Amorites from before his people Israel, and shouldest thou possess it?
24. Wilt not thou possess that which Chemosh thy god giveth thee to possess? So whomsoever the Lord our God shall drive out from before us, them will we possess.
25. And now art thou any thing better than Balak the son of Zippor, king of Moab? did he ever strive against Israel, or did he ever fight against them,
26. While Israel dwelt in Heshbon and her towns, and in Aroer and her towns, and in all the cities that be along by the coasts of Arnon, three hundred years? why therefore did ye not recover them within that time?
27. Wherefore I have not sinned against thee, but thou doest me wrong to war against me: the Lord the Judge be judge this day between the children of Israel and the children of Ammon.
28. Howbeit the king of the children of Ammon hearkened not unto the words of Jephthah which he sent him.
29. Then the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jephthah, and he passed over Gilead, and Manasseh, and passed over Mizpeh of Gilead, and from Mizpeh of Gilead he passed over unto the children of Ammon.
30. And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the Lord, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands,
31. Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering.
32. So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the Lord delivered them into his hands.
33. And he smote them from Aroer, even till thou come to Minnith, even twenty cities, and unto the plain of the vineyards, with a very great slaughter. Thus the children of Ammon were subdued before the children of Israel.
34. And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she was his only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter.
35. And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes, and said, Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the Lord, and I cannot go back.
36. And she said unto him, My father, if thou hast opened thy mouth unto the Lord, do to me according to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth; forasmuch as the Lord hath taken vengeance for thee of thine enemies, even of the children of Ammon.
37. And she said unto her father, Let this thing be done for me: let me alone two months, that I may go up and down upon the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my fellows.
38. And he said, Go. And he sent her away for two months: and she went with her companions, and bewailed her virginity upon the mountains.
39. And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed: and she knew no man. And it was a custom in Israel,
40. That the daughters of Israel went yearly to lament the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite four days in a year.

I believe the story proves the important of being careful what you say and what you promise. If you are not willing to stand by your word, keep you mouth shut.






Sunday, May 3, 2009

What's Marked in My Bible, #7

This first one will amuse those of you of some faiths and offend those of others. I apologize to both... I didn't write it, I just highlighted it in the Book.

Deuteronomy 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.

Oh, this was my favorite when I got married. I used to laugh and tell Jerry he was sinning by working that first year.

Deuteronomy 24:5 When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.


And I think this is for all those who buried the Law.....

Deuteronomy 29:29 The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.

For ever is a long time......



What's Marked in My Bible, #6

The source of an old saying and an old truth. I said once before I was going to make a list of saying that came from the Bible. You'll see a lot of it in these postings.

Deuteronomy 8:3 And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the Lord doth man live.

What's Marked in My Bible, #5

I didn't highlight the subsequent three verses but they explain this in more detail. Shed innocent blood defiles the land and can only be redeemed by the shed blood of the murderer.

Numbers 35:30-31

30. Whoso killeth any person, the murderer shall be put to death by the mouth of witnesses: but one witness shall not testify against any person to cause him to die.
31. Moreover ye shall take no satisfaction for the life of a murderer, which is guilty of death: but he shall be surely put to death.

One witness can't condemn a person to death. An interesting concept that shows the patriarchs were not fools but understood the risk of a single witness testimony being suspect.

And we are not to take any pleasure in the death of the guilty.

Deuteronomy 6:4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is One Lord:

Deuteronomy 6:13, 15, 16
13. Thou shalt fear the Lord thy God, and serve him, and shalt swear by his name.
15. (For the Lord thy God is a jealous God among you) lest the anger of the Lord thy God be kindled against thee, and destroy thee from off the face of the earth.
16. Ye shall not tempt the Lord your God, as ye tempted him in Massah.

What's Marked in My Bible, #4

Numbers 32:23 ....behold, you have sinned against the Lord; and be sure your sins will find you out.

My Mama used to tell us this every time we got up to something.

Interestingly, as I was reading this chapter to make sense of the verse, I found another that I may mark.

Numbers 32:6 And Moses said unto the children of Gad and to the children of Reuben, Shall your brethren go to war, and shall ye sit here?

It is an interesting chapter. Reuben and Gad have elected to not cross the Jordan River in to the promised land. They, instead, they looked around and say the land of Jazer and Gilead, that is was a place for cattle and since they had a multitude of cattle, they went to Moses and told him they would stay where they were.

Moses got a tad upset. He said they were just like their fathers who had brought back a negative report of the land and had discouraged the people. They eventually agree but tell Moses first they will build defended cities for their women and children to stay in.




What's Marked in My Bible, #3

I wonder if this needs explanation....

Exodus 20: 3, 4, 7,8 12-17

3. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
4. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
7. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
8. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
12. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
13. Thou shalt not kill.
14. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
15. Thou shalt not steal.
16. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
17. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

What's Marked in My Bible, #2

Genesis 6:2 & 11

2. That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose.

I've often found this verse fascinating! So much so that I've done several researches regarding it and the Nephilim, the beings referred to in this passage above. This intermarriage is not mentioned again but there is another scripture that refers to the descendants of Anak who were giants and residing in the Promised land before the Hebrews came. They are said to be the Nephilim. There is much debate about this verse among scholars of the Bible and about the Nephilim specifically. I won't go into it but if you Google them you will see what I mean. Some of it is way out there. But once you begin to read the more reasonable information, it is interesting.

Verse 4 indicates the children of the union between women and heavenly beings became mighty beings. I read a paper by Derek Prince, a minister whose work I like reading, who made the claim that the Nephilim are very possibly the beings referred to in Greek and Roman mythology. We know these are legends but in every legend there is a grain of truth. Having read these myths as a child, I realized that it made more sense for these to have been the people mentioned in Verse 2 and 4 of Genesis. Separating the facts from fiction is more complicated because of the time span. But it is fun to think about these mysteries.


11. The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence.

I always found this verse very interesting because it is so current. I marked it many years ago.

What's Marked in My Bible, #1

Genesis 4:20-22
20. And Adah bare Jabal: he was the father of such as dwell in tents, and of such as have cattle.
21. And his brother's name was Jubal: he was the father of all such as handle the harp and organ.
22. And Zillah, she also bare Tubalcain, an instructer of every artificer in brass and iron:

This was marked many, many years ago, in that first "real" Bible I mentioned in the last post. Jabal and Jubal and Zillah were the parents of all cattle farmers, musicians, and iron workers.

I don't remember if there are other such statements in the Bible but I found this one interesting as a young girl. You see, talents are generally inherited through a bloodline. Those who have musical talent with stringed instruments are a descendant of Zillah. If they are skilled in working with metals, the are a descendant of Jubal. And remember all the wandering cattle farmers around the world who have made fortunes? Wow!




Sunday Morning Pains

I didn't go to church this morning. Today, physical pain is the issue. I overslept and felt as if someone had run over me. I'm a mess. It gets better over the course of the day once I am up and if I take it easy, but it always destroys the last hour or so of rest, which is always one of the most beneficial.

You know, church is the hardest for me? I can hardly bear to go. I look for the spot my husband would stand during praise service or where he sat during preaching (we always sat on the third pew but if I'm behind that pew I keep looking at the third one.) He isn't there and it is terrible. He so loved church and I always did, too, but now, I can't bear to be there. But I want to go so I am ripped up every time I leave.

And I have no idea what else will set me off. I will feel great but hear a song from my earlier married life and feel as if I'm dying. Or I see photo of someplace we've been. Couples holding hands, laughing, talking, at lunch together.

Even m walking through a store he loved to shop at last night was horrendous. I went to The Family Christian Bookstore to purchase a new Bible cover and tried to shop. I went to the bookshelves to look at books and felt I couldn't breath then went to the back where the Bibles and covers are. I looked for maybe 30 minutes but found nothing and just had this depression set in.

I left when I couldn't find what I wanted. Then, I went to The Vineyard, another Bible store down the street a few blocks. I found a pretty cover and bought it but the experience was not enjoyable. He loved shopping at these stores and at both I have memories of our going there. I bought him gifts for Birthday's and Christmas there, on occasion. He liked the ties and coffee mugs.

I found a Bible I asked them to put on hold for me. I hate buying a new Bible. I know where everything is in my old one. Jerry bought me this one, too. He'd bought several over the years so one isn't really more special in that sense but this would be the first one I've bought on my own in many, many years. They will hold it for several days. Since I have a new cover I may just keep my old one. The cover is wearing at the spine. I suppose that is a good thing, to wear out a cover. The spine is worn off at the top and bottom. I always get Bonded Leather and Jerry would fuss about it. "Leather is better. It won't do that," he'd say. "Yes, I know but it cost twice as much." I'd argue.

That's probably why I've worn out three in about 40 years. I still have the first "real" Bible I ever got. I won it for bringing the most people to Sunday School. The whole front cover is off it. I used it until after I married. Jerry bought me another in 1980 and that cover wore out, too. I'm on the third now. I can't remember when he bought it because he didn't date it but it was after we moved into this house in 1990.

I have many passages marked in my Bible and always have to transfer them to the new one. They are things I go back and read often. I think I may start a posting theme called What's Marked in My Bible. That might be interesting.

I am going now to find something to occupy me. When my mind dwells on Jerry too much the day grows very dark, no matter how good the memory. At this point, no memory is very good for me. They are all knives stabbed into my chest.


Saturday, May 2, 2009

Plans?

Cheryl asked me if I had any Saturday plans. It feels as if this is one of those days where I can't function. I can't find a thing I want to do except sit. I know I will get moving soon but at the moment, everything takes too much effort. I have coffee cups for three days in the sink. Can't figure out why there are not dinner plates. Did I eat out? I guess I did.

I don't seems to cook anymore. A sandwich or cereal or whatever I can find to get me by. I hate eating out alone so I have probably been taking one of the kids. I think... no, yesterday I had a burger alone in the car while shopping.

I had planned to do some yard work but everything here is wet. Grass is getting tall and I can't cut it wet. Such an aggravation.

The house is not terribly dirty but there are things I need to do. I'm wanting to throw things out and slim down the contents. I did find a lovely sofa yesterday that I may buy later in the summer. Not too large and not too small.

I realized a minute ago that the furniture I am buying now will probably be the last I ever buy. I have no children at home to wear it out. Sarah behaves very well. One person won't even make a dent in the furniture over the course of several years. So, I better buy something I truly love because I'm stuck with it forever.

It is just that none of this is even remotely interesting to me. I always loved doing this stuff but I usually had Jerry helping in some capacity. We both loved working on the house. Now, I don't really care if it is ever fixed, or painted, or decorated. I can't do most of the work alone and it is just too much effort to figure it out.

The scene of Scarlett at the bottom of the stairs makes a lot of sense. "I'll think about it tomorrow."

Rhett's makes even more sense. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

No, I have no plans.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Where Has My Mind Gone?

I went to Value City Furniture and ordered the dresser and nightstand that matches my bed. It will arrive on Tuesday. Jerry and I had planned on buying the matching pieces of this bedroom suite when we bought the bed three years ago but it was just so expensive we couldn't afford anything except the bed. We kept planning to buy a dresser or armoire every year but at nearly $1000 for the dresser it was insane. The armoire was about $700. That isn't a bad deal since this is all wood... none of that particle stuff covered in wood look contact paper or plastic wood. Real wood with dovetailed drawers.

It is a small bedroom, and we knew we could only buy one piece, not both. But we never did. We never had the money.

Today, I decided to go and buy one of the pieces. As I walked through the store I was afraid they no longer carried it but I finally found it and the sales person who assisted me was someone I knew. She pointed out a smaller dresser of the same design and color that was half the price! It will be a perfect match and I was able to buy a nightstand, too! Both were less that the larger dresser. I am so thrilled but so sorry Jerry and I could never afford it. And they will take up much less room than the current dresser and nightstand.

There is much I do not talk about here. There are so many things to regret. So very, very many. I try and not think about them. But it is difficult when faced with the quanity. I think the best I can do is tell you to spend it now. Do it now. Go there now. Whatever dreams you have together, make them right now. Because when one of you is gone, the other will suffer terrible regret, regret so deep and so painful that you can't sleep at night, you can't eat, you can't think of anything but what might have been, what is lost.

I can spend every penny I have doing all the things we wanted to do. Completing all the plans we made. But there is little joy in the thought and little joy in the doing.

Normally, I'd say watch your pennies, pay your bills, secure you future. But never mind. Instead, lose you mind now. Tomorrow won't be filled with regrets for what you missed or lost. You'll have warm foolish memories to fill the hollow places and let you smile through the tears.