Lost in the Chaos

Mid-December and I still have no idea where I am! 

What a year! I've been unwell about 1/3 of the year, maybe a bit more. My RA has rampantly misbehaved and forced me onto steroids for a month. I had a horrible stomach virus that sent me to the ER. When have they not? 

I wrote a lot but finished nothing. I crocheted a lot and finished most of my projects, but I still have a major project to complete this week. 

David moved back home, got a job, and will move into his own apartment in January. He's doing well. Mike started working with a roadside service and is doing well, despite having some severe stomach problems that we can't identify yet. He's due for tests in January. Sarah came home in January 2024, but left in December. Her mom moved back after having a stroke that left her in a wheelchair and is paralysed on her right side. She's in therapy and I've helped by giving her rides to the doctor's office. Sarah will live with her, I think. 

I know other things happened, but those are the high points. Other chaos was probably minor.

I've been reading my Bible more. Studying it a bit more in depth. I began writing a Christian based project. We'll see. The RA flared, and I stalled out on it. I got past that, had a short section that just lit me up, wrote it down and a week later realized it stunk. Par for the course. I'll be working on that. 

I've moved things around a bit because David needed a closet, storage of his personal items, and items he bought for his apartment. This cramped us quite a bit. Once he moves out, I'll be painting the spare room and making it a sewing room - again. I plan to buy a simple roll-away bed for any company I may have and eliminate the twin I have in there. 

That will open up the den/dining room again. I feel I'm running a hostel, but you know, God answers in strange ways. I had financial problems at the end of last year, and two people moved in. It has helped immensely. I'm never going to be back on a sound footing. I can't work and retirement doesn't pay well. 

This could be the last post for 2024. The next couple of weeks will be hectic. So, I'm going to close this post with many thanks for anyone who has followed along, stopped by because you wanted to or by accident. I love writing the blogs. They are an outlet and blogs found me several friends in the early days. These days, few people comment, and the Google platform doesn't tell me who most visitors are. But thank you whoever you are and wherever you are. I'm in several places, so check the icons at the top and visit me. Let me know you came from here. 

Merry Christmas everyone. Christmas Day is one that Christians reclaimed to symbolically celebrate the day of our Savior's birth. He wasn't born on December 25th, and frankly, we have no definitive date. But we chose to celebrate Jesus coming to earth on the 25th. As for me, I celebrate Jesus every day of the year because every single day belongs to God.

Let's Forget the Past

Let's Forget the Past

When's the Prayer Meeting?

I was reading my Bible Sunday morning and ran across a verse that I don’t recall ever reading or hearing preached. The verse is interesting to me because as I read it, I was led to some other interesting verses that set me to thinking about prayer.

Many people often ask when to pray and how often or if they should pray at all. One would think that, if there was a specific scripture in the Bible that comes close to an answer, then everyone, every Christian, would be plastering it on the wall in a fancy plaque, embroidering it onto pillows, cross-stitching it on fabric, wearing it on a shirt, or writing about it in a book. And yet, I don’t know of one book out there that answers the question, “When should I pray?”

Yet, there it is in Exodus, summed up in two verses. The minimum daily requirement is twice a day.

Exodus 30:7&8
7. And Aaron shall burn thereon sweet incense every morning: when he dresseth the lamps, he shall burn incense upon it.

8. And when Aaron lighteth the lamps at even, he shall burn incense upon it, a perpetual incense before the Lord throughout your generations.

As far as I can recall, Jesus never told his disciples how often to pray. He gave them a formula in the Lord’s Prayer on how to pray but he didn’t say a thing about how many times a day we are to pray according to that formula. Could it be that Jesus, knowing this scripture was there, expected everyone to know how often they were to pray?

I decided to do a search of the word “incense” in the Bible in an attempt to better understand how it was being used. I found that incense, in scripture at least, seems to represent prayer and there are many Old Testament scriptures that mention incense, hundreds, in fact. I recount only a few here that I felt were important and support my theory.

Leviticus 16: 13 describes praying for mercy. “And he shall put the incense upon the fire before the Lord, that the cloud of the incense may cover the mercy seat that is upon the testimony, that he die not: . . .”

Exodus 30:27 mentions an altar of incense. That would be an altar of prayer. In Numbers 7, the formula for the dedication of the altar is described and one of the things mentioned is an offering. “One golden spoon of ten shekels, full of incense...” This is an financial offering given with prayer.

Next in Numbers 16, God was about to destroy the people because they were mad with Moses and talking about him. The day before God had destroyed Korah and his family for the same offense. The Hebrews were scared to death then, but the next day they were complaining about it. God had just about had enough of this whining bunch of wimps who couldn’t follow directions without someone drawing a picture. Here is what He tells Moses and Moses acts quickly to save the people.

Numbers 16: 45-47 45.
45. Get you up from among this congregation, that I may consume them as in a moment. And they fell upon their faces.

46. And Moses said unto Aaron, Take a censer, and put fire therein from off the altar, and put on incense, and go quickly unto the congregation, and make an atonement for them: for there is wrath gone out from the Lord; the plague is begun.

47. And Aaron took as Moses commanded, and ran into the midst of the congregation; and, behold, the plague was begun among the people: and he put on incense, and made an atonement for the people.

When I read this, I felt the sense of urgency that Moses must have felt. He’d had several conversations with God. He had seen people struck down and swallowed up. He knew what that one statement from God would mean for Israel. He and Aaron acted quickly and interceded on behalf of the people with fiery prayers, not just in the temple, but by running among the people with burning incense. Total destruction of Israel was averted.

In 2 Kings 22 Josiah is king and the priest comes to him when he finds the book of the law in the house of the Lord. The book is brought to Josiah and read to him. Upon hearing it, he is so upset he tears his clothes, a sign of grief. The book revealed to Josiah that the nation had not been keeping the law. He sent his priest to talk to a woman who lives in the college. Whoa, dude! An educated woman preacher! Who said it was a male dominated society?

Here is what she said to them in 2 Kings 22:15-17
15. And she said unto them, Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Tell the man that sent you to me,

16. Thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will bring evil upon this place, and upon the inhabitants thereof, even all the words of the book which the king of Judah hath read:

17. Because they have forsaken me, and have burned incense unto other gods, that they might provoke me to anger with all the works of their hands; therefore my wrath shall be kindled against this place, and shall not be quenched.

(Note of interest: she doesn’t even call the King by his title or name until she is repeating what the Lord has told her. She refers to him as “the man” -- an educated woman, unimpressed with titles.)

Josiah sets about to destroy every place where incense has been offered to other gods! He purges the nation of false priest, religions, and gods.

Psalms 141:2 also emphasizes that incense represents prayer in scripture.

Psalms 141:2
2. Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.

Prayer is important and in scripture it is compared to incense drifting up to God. The lifting of the hands is a sign of surrender. So this verse could be said to signify surrendering to God and petitioning or worshiping him. When should you do this?

Exodus 30:7&8
7. And Aaron shall burn thereon sweet incense every morning: when he dresseth the lamps, he shall burn incense upon it.

8. And when Aaron lighteth the lamps at even, he shall burn incense upon it, a perpetual incense before the Lord throughout your generations.

How you pray is important. What you pray is important. Who you pray to is important. And yes, when you pray is very important. And if you want to pray more than twice a day, it sure can't hurt you.

• Footnote: One of the few places in the Bible where one is told “when” to pray is in 1st Thessalonians 5:17 -- Paul said to “Pray without ceasing.” Seen in light of the Old Testament events surrounding the use of incense, one can understand the importance of his instructions. For a perspective on Paul’s  verse, https://renderedpraise.blogspot.com/2008/01/time-place-to-pray.htmlto read “Time, A Place to Pray”

Another Unproductive Day - At Least I Wrote

 I sit here, wishing I could get my head clear and recover some energy. No matter how much sleep I get, it seems I’m always short. I need to do some real writing but can’t focus enough to do anything productive. I’ve been doing crochet and I enjoy it but even that is difficult. I had to rip out rows last night several times and recount stitches. I finally gave up around midnight. Frustration was high because I rarely have to rip out that much. 

Until recently, I wasn't aware that in crochet they refer to ripping out stitches as FROG. I don’t know why. When I looked it said when you rip out stitches, people think it sounds like a frog saying Ribbit. I will have to pay attention next time. To me, it sounds like wasted time. 

I’m still practicing on this iPad keyboard I bought. It works well, although a bit small. I frequently hit the wrong keys, and the backspace is difficult to reach. It’s close by, just incredibly tiny. Still, I notice I’m getting better at it. I miss my documents here. I can write but anything I’m working on is on the PC. Still would like a laptop but my money won’t go that far these days. 

What I should do is exercise. My body is going to lose any ground I made when I went to the gym regularly. I can already tell some of my strength has declined. 

I have been studying my Bible more and trying to pray more. I missed church on Sunday because I overslept. I’m so tired all the time, and that’s worrisome. I can’t shake the fatigue. Whether I sleep five hours or 10, it doesn’t seem to matter. I wake up tired. 

I’ve been drinking Tart Cherry juice for a week now. I do have less inflammation than I had a month ago, but I took steroids for three weeks. Of course, I didn’t get a tremendous amount of relief from that. I was still pretty fatigued, and I had joint swelling. Right now, I have no pain to speak of, not even the hand that usually hurts. I’d been having a lot of pain in my hand prior to this last week. Even steroids didn’t seem to help with that. The hip pain that had driven me to ask for steroids went away after I finished the steroids, but it took several days. 

I hope and pray the juice works as well as the hype says it does. So many things haven’t worked. I’ve experimented so much on myself out of desperation that I am considering adding “lab rat” to my resume. 

I believe I am done with this post now. I have done nothing, so I have nothing to write. Sarah will be home on Saturday and I’m glad. I cleaned the house on Tuesday and hurt my back and my other hip. I can't vacuum and sweep. They just kill my hips and back. Once finished, I have to rest for hours until the pain lessens and I have no energy left for the day. 

So I wish you a blessed day. Keep in touch, please. It’s a comfort to know people are out there. I don’t know why you stopped by, but I thank you. There’s less loneliness when I write. And if I see someone else was here, it lifts my spirits. So thank you.

A Bottle of Whine

Happening this week: Existential Crisis!

"An existential crisis is a period when a person questions the meaning of life, their purpose, and their identity. It can also involve feelings of confusion, anxiety, and stress that can disrupt a person's normal functioning and lead to depression. " This paragraph is AI generated.

Well, it happens a lot. It's incredibly frustrating. I'm not actually aware that this is what it is until I stop to examine it. They say it's good for us to have "crises" but personally, I don't see the value of it.

Meaning of life? I have no idea. Purpose? I thought I knew. I was wrong. Identity? Well, I know who I am but I'm not sure it matters. Normal functioning? I'm past normal these days. Into my 30's I could hop a fence in one jump. Now, I have trouble walking to the fence. I'm two years shy of 70. So, what's normal?

I found this: "persons of higher intellectual ability are more prone to experience existential depression spontaneously," from Existential Depression in Gifted People.

Again, not sure what the value of that is. I'm pretty smart, so I've been told, and maybe that is a gift, but it took a lot of hard work on my part to get to that point. And if having a higher intelligence doesn't protect you from anything, there's not much benefit to it. Well, except maybe make more money, but I know crazy folks who are geniuses.

So, that's where I am.

Here's the thing: I'm tired of crises. No, I think I'm sick of them. Death, taxes, children, bills, and, I'm sorry, people. The game of life is no longer fun. I couldn't stand that board game when I was a kid, but my siblings loved it. I expect I was wiser than my years by a stretch. There were things I knew about life and people no kid should know. Life could stink. And that was likely my first existential crisis.

For almost a year now, I've been sick off and on. Joint pain, muscle pain, massive leg cramps at night, trouble walking, and extreme fatigue. These have been my only companions. Sarah came home in January and helps with housework, but when I try to make my bed, I have to stop in the middle of the process just to breathe. I get out of breath when taking the garbage to the street. And yes, I've told my doctors. No. They said nothing. Really. They moved on and never asked for another thing. I believe it's an underactive thyroid. I've got weak nails and my hair has been falling out for a while now. Yes, I've had the basic test, and it's normal. Although there are additional tests, no one proposed them.

So.... moving on.

Finances have been disastrous. Repairs and more repairs. However, if God wills, there's light at the end of this tunnel. I got help from some out-of-state Christian folks to fix the bathroom problem and took in a boarder. I still have a dozen things that need repair. But my days of doing that type of lifting and fixing are over. I simply don't have the strength now. Even Sarah has noticed.

So, here we are, at the end. Please, have a seat and here's the knife for the cheese. I think you've had enough whine.