The journey of a widowed Southern lady stranded in the Mid-west surviving the
perils and pearls of grief, adult children, grandchildren, writing, retirement, and assorted crises.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Sick and Tired
I called TJ a few nights ago and he is coming up this weekend. My intention was to have him finish up things like repairing some drywall damage in some of the bedrooms, painting doors and walls, and any other odds and ends. I called last night and he said he'll take a look at the shower plumbing. It wouldn't be so bad but the plumbing that was originally in the wall was perfect. I paid to have the shower put in in 1991. It was copper and nothing was wrong with it. I don't know why they ripped it out but now, the pvc is falling apart in there. If TJ can't fix it, it will cost me a small mint to get a plumber. over $500.
It just doesn't end. I'm sick. I'm tired.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
What a Mess
I really wish Sue still lived nearby. I might be able to get it sorted out. Frankly, when I look around, I can't figure out what to do. It is all so confusing and messed up that I'm just over whelmed.
I have to be at court at 7:30 for jury duty. I am hoping they will decide I'm either too stupid or too smart to be a juror. While it would be an interesting thing to do, (I've never done it before) I do not know if I can sit all day an listen to a bunch of lawyers yap at one another. We'll see.
I have too much work waiting to miss a day to be truthful. This is just one more lousy aggravation. I decided yesterday, I'm not going to worry about getting caught up there until January. Why kill myself to hand the job to someone else all neat and tidy and a month ahead? I've done 12 years at this job. I've been given every dirty job no one else wants to do. So if I get shuffled out, the favored can figure out what to do with it all.
Have to go so I can eat before I go to court. I'm really tired and my back is hurting this morning.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Decision of the Day
I stepped into the Pen and looked around. It was nearly empty at the moment, only a few writers here and there, pounding away at their laptops or frantically writing with pen on paper. I winced at that. I could think of nothing more painful than having to write that way these days. It was a thing I no longer did without pain.
"Good Morning, Madam."
I gave him a small smile and slid onto the bar stool. I stroked the top of the shiny bar, enjoying the cool feel of the finished wood. "Morning, Serge."
He placed the coffee in front of me and waited. I sipped and remained silent.
"You'll regret it, you know."
I nodded. "I already do but I think it is probably for the best."
"You could change track, go in another direction, start over."
I laughed. "You sound like everyone else for a change. That's unexpected."
He shrugged. "Hey, in here I'm who you want, no, who you need me to be."
"Well," I said, "today, I need no pressure. I need to be able to go home and go to bed without worrying about word counts. I hate the stupid story. It was a bad choice. There is no story there. I'm just writing meaningless crap. I don't want to write like that. There is too much else to do that matters."
"Do it for the pleasure."
"That's just it. I'm not having fun with this. When it stops being fun it is time to run." I looked at him. "I do not know if I'm going to ever write anything else. I've felt this coming for a while now. Something happened to me. I don't know what. I just know I can't do it. Not this time. Maybe never."
"Get some rest before you make a final decision," he said, wiping the bar between us.
I laughed. "Rest? They carry that at Wal-mart?"
"Major construction is done. Your brother has gone home. House is empty. Now rest."
Shaking my head and pushing my empty cup to him, I said, "Maybe that's the problem. For a little while, I had someone in the house to talk to and laugh with and do things for. There was sound in the house. You know, I remember saying once that happiness was islands in a sea of misery. You sail from island to island, only allowed to stay briefly at any one of them. Life is a series of losses. We learn to accept them and sail on or we go nuts and drift aimlessly in that sea. I can't afford to go nuts. I need a port."
"Madam, will I see you next year?"
I laughed. "I'm not a prophet nor a seer. Unlike some people, I do not know what comes next. I don't know if you'll see me tomorrow. But I'll be around. If I feel like it I may pop in during the month. But storywise, I'm pretty much finished."
He nodded, reached out and squeeze my hand. "Vaya con dios, amiga."
I slid off the stool and smiled. "Hasta luego, querido."
The door of the Pen closed quietly behind me. I sighed and sailed down the street.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Sunday Again Passes with a Monday Chaser!
Sunday Morning
I'm always thankful for another day, particularly when I get an extra hour sleep. But my body didn't notice. It woke up at 5:52 or 6:53 the old time and the same time I wake up every morning. I went to the bathroom and then I lay back down but was up by 7:30 the new time.
I woke up missing Jerry. I pulled out the computer to read emails to forget how I was feeling. It is only slightly successful.
Another NaNo day is here and I'm still behind... but I did do some catchup last night. I finally had to stop because I couldn't keep my eyes open. My doxepin with the Melatonin is very effective, more so than the muscle relaxant, in fact. I'm probably very deficient of Melatonin.
Now it is Monday again. I'm so tired. The time change has really messed me up. No matter when I go to sleep, I wake at the same time. Now... an hour earlier. I fought it this morning.
I had a virtual write-in last night and was able to get my word count up but it is still not where it is supposed to be. I hope to catch up more tonight and maybe by tomorrow's write-in at the Library I'll be where I need to be.
Randy is getting the little things done. I believe all the outside work is completed. The yard is getting cleaned. I cleared off the back patio yesterday and will be considering how to rearrange the paving stones for summer. He made back steps that are movable so when I take up the patio I can reset the stones under the steps to level them up.That will be really nice. I may pour a small slab of concrete there to really get it stable. The steps are really nice. I can even sit potted plants on them because he made them wide. I'll get photos after the clean up this week.
He will be working inside today. Getting the laundry floor cleared, finishing the bathroom sink and cabinet and trim. And final plumbing issues. Nearly there.
Oh, I really hate for him to go. It has been a mess and stress but having him here has been such a comfort and a help. It will be very lonely without someone to sit and talk with in the evenings. And someone to make me laugh at silly stuff. The other day he was working in that laundry room. I told him he has such a gift for building and that I believe that his talent was a gift from our grandfather, who was a master builder. He looked at me and deadpanned, "I wish he'd been a banker." It is that kind of humor that he handles everything.
I keep missing Jerry so much. I went by the cemetery yesterday. I just wanted to go so badly. Never a good idea. Will it ever, ever, ever stop carving a hole in my chest to see his name on that stone?
Must get back to work. The day is loaded with work and I'm tired so I have to keep moving.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Short Week Ends
The floor wasn't ready, the sink wasn't ready, the toilet wasn't ready. But he is getting there. I swept and mopped the kitchen and hallway. They were simply beyond bearing. Every surface of the kitchen was covered in something. I cleaned it up. At least I could make coffee this morning. He's nearly done with the outside. He and Mike were taking trash to the dump as soon as they got the trailer loaded. If I'm lucky, more will be completed by the time I get home.
Tomorrow, I'm going look for a washer/dryer. I'm disgusted because there probably won't be one as low as I was getting that set. We'll see. Has anyone had those stack units that were built together? You can't separate them. Everyone says they are a lot of trouble. But they are cheaper.....
I have a headache and don't feel well but I'm 3418 words in the hole.Tomorrow is the 10,000 mark - where I should be. So, tonight I must get the word count at least in half to avoid a major problem tomorrow. Remember 1667 a day? Add that to my current deficit. That is what it will be at midnight if I don't get it done. The daily total is not hard if you do it but once you start losing ground it is not fun.
My story sucks. I've written myself out of a plot. Ok, so A= Jack and B = Nicole each get letters from a dead C = Wendy (best friend to the B and fiance to A) C has been dead for at least two years. So what? LOL, really so what?
Riker's Mill has become a millstone. Seems easy to set things there. I know the town. Sort of. I know the people... four stories are set there. So what?
My point is WHY? I know HOW it could happen, a valid reason that has nothing to do with malice. But C met an untimely end in a car wreck. Okaaaayyyy. So what?
I need to talk to Doug. He's good at working these things out. He really is an evil, conniving, mercenary. I always find it makes sense after he'd instructed me in mayhem.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Dust is Settling....
The laundry room floor is ripped out and most of the wood for the new floor is down. I won't put on floor covering until later when I can do the kitchen. I'll get some kind of mat for the room and go with it. Cutting the old floor out made a huge mess in dust.
The new washer was standing in the laundry room and the new dryer on the new porch when I left this morning. He moved those water pipes and drain across the room (about 6 feet) and fixed some problems with the drains.
That is something the plumber was going to charge $1100 to do. It took Randy about 1.5 hrs and $20 in materials and another trip under the house. There is running water in the bathroom, a toilet and vanity. There is a window to frame out before the shower can be used and some caulking.
The house outside has only a few more touches to be done. I suspect by the weekend at the latest, most, if not all will be finished and Randy will be flying south.
I'll miss him. He's so funny to be around. But I will also be glad to get my house in order. That may take a while. It is absolute chaos and confusion. I can't find anything. Everything is covered in dust and stuff sitting around.
I've had time to write but mentally I'm not with it. I'm now 2085 words down. That is 1667 for today and my shortage of 418. Not bad under normal conditions but not a great start. I'll catch up only if my story takes off.
What I've learned is that I do not like my environment disrupted. It is extremely stressful. The confusion around me caused a mental confusion that is even more scary. Not being able to structure that environment sent me into an emotional meltdown I couldn't understand or control. I did not like it. Going to bed with things out of place and waking to them out of place and coming home from work with them out of place was profoundly nerve wracking. For it to last weeks,well, by the end of the second week I was in a bad way. Read the blogs, you'll see it. Disorder prevents my functioning on virtually every level. This was not a happy finding. If I can't fix it, I can't function.
Now, the end is near and no one, positively no one, is happier than I. But it will take me weeks to get things back together.
Now is when I need the vacation!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
NaNo Count and Other Stuff
Randy is tearing out the laundry room floor. We have to pick up the new washer and dryer today so we have to have a floor to put it on. It is just nuts how everything is done in this house. Floors glued on top of floors! Nuts. Anyway, I don't think it should take more than today. I hope. I pray.
Now, into the breach. I wish I could do more to help Randy. He's working so hard. Say a few prayers for him.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Keep 'em Coming!
TJ was standing looking down at Randy on the ground. Randy was half under the house. TJ said, "Don't go in the bathroom! It's stopped up. It is a mess in there!" That was an understatement. Fortunately, it was contained in the toilet.
I had to take my sister, Phyllis, to work this morning at 5:30 a.m. I went to the bathroom before I left and I noticed it was sluggish. We've had problems with that toilet for years so I thought I'd come back and plunge it out to clear it. I didn't beat TJ to the bathroom this morning. It was ugly.
After they got the lines cleared, they found that that toilet is not properly vented through the roof. So, they have to fix that.
I also found that Mike's habit of lowering the blade of the mower resulted in his chopping off the cap on the clean-out line in the front yard. My clean out was open, probably resulting in something getting in the line and blocking it.
One more in a long series of disasters. Dear God... will it ever end?
I will deal with the bathroom floor another day. I'm not happy and it is too late to deal with it now. Jerry and I laid the last one. I laid a floor in Phyllis' rental unit. I can lay a floor in my bathroom. It isn't hard to do. It is labor intensive. Thankfully, I know how to run saws and drills. That will be a project for the summer. They will put a floor in the laundry room today or tomorrow, put on the final piece of ridge cap, finish the gable on the north side, and hook up the plumbing. As for the rest of the bathroom, I don't know.
Nano has officially started. I went to the Meet & Greet last night and it was very nice. Nine of us showed up. There were three 14 yr olds, three college students and three of us over 30. So, a good balance. Five of the nine I knew already and two I was familiar with. Altogether, we enjoyed it, I think.
There are scheduled write-ins at the library and I'll try and get to some of them. The daytime hours are out but there are three evening ones. So, I'll try to do those... if this mess is ever straightened out.
I have no idea what to write, if I'll write. The desire just isn't really there. Anyway, I've said I'll try.
All right. I have to dress now. I think I have to go to the supply store . . . again.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Junkyard
My house is a nightmare that I can hardly deal with anymore. The stress of it is reaching critical proportions and I just need to be out of it. Just since Wednesday it has become even more of a mess. I should have left the laundry room alone but the inspector is coming tomorrow and it isn't good. I wanted to put the floor in there yesterday. I could have had it in. It is a 4x6 room, but they keeps telling me they'd get it. I need to do something constructive instead of watching it fall apart. Now, the washer is outside and I can't wash clothes or put anything that was in there away.
Three of us started cleaning the bath to see where things stood. The tub was covered by grout that was nearly impossible to get out because it had lain for three weeks. The drain was stopped up by grout. They've had to go under the house and take out the drain that Brandon put in and have to redo it. The floor is not good. Tile is not level. Brandon laid the floor. Grout is coming out around the unlevel tiles.Randy said he helped but my sister said she saw Brandon laying the floor.
I should have left the bathroom alone. I just had a hole in the tub that I was dealing with and now, I see other things that will be a bigger problem in the end. Cracks where they shouldn't be cracks, uneven tiles, grout coming out. And the plumbing a mess. And I've not even started to use it. I've had to take the pedestal sink back because it wouldn't work in that box of a bath. I have to find some kind of vanity or something. We should have been able to tell this at the first.
I'm really upset about the floor. I had a good floor in there, it was level because Jerry and I made it level and put vinyl on it. They ripped that up and put concrete backer board on it and the tile isn't level under the toilet area and in front of the sink. I got so upset when I saw it I just fell apart. I've spent a lot of money on this and that bathroom was the primary reason. It isn't right, any of it and I can't afford to do it over. I should have stepped in sooner and gotten rid of him. Randy assigned him jobs and so far what he was supposed to do has not been right.
I'm just so upset by the bathroom problems I can't think. I don't see NaNo happening. It is impossible to work in this mess, to think straight. My study is all over the house more or less in boxes. I am staying in my room as much as possible but even it is crowded and cluttered. To get 5000 words would be a miracle and 50,000 is beyond comprehension.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Saturday
So much so that my aunt and uncle are leaving today after lunch. I haven't even gotten to visit. I put 100 miles on my car yesterday just running around and I was so tired last night. They were exhausted, too, I think. I guess I should have canceled the whole thing but it just didn't occur to me.
I want my house cleaned up and I want this mess gone. I'm so tired of it and I still have no shower. That is the most frustrating thing. I don't feel like the bathroom will ever get done.
And now I think I need to get the floor in the laundry room ripped out so it doesn't have to be done later. It is horrible.
They whole place is horrible.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Good Morning Vacation
Did I tell you that I have a new front porch?
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
My Friday, Wednesday
I'm having a rather mild pain day. I'm supposed to get a shot in my hip around noon. I don't know whether I want to or not. It isn't hurting much and so I'm hesitant. The shot hurts. I've taken my doxepin two nights in a row and slept fine. Dry mouth is the only issue I have with it. I keep water by my bed but since I don't wake up it doesn't help much. LOL, at least I'm sleeping. Rather well. If it would make me sleep this good all the time, it would be just fine. The effect seems to lessen over time so I'll have to see. For now, I welcome the sleep.
Everyone says I must do NaNo. I had no idea people could be so pushy! LOL, but I'll start it. I don't know if I'll finish it. If I can keep my head as clear as it is today, I might just pull it off. We'll see.
Oh, I'm so very tired of all the crap everywhere. I can't believe I'm having company this weekend! My poor aunt and uncle will be stunned at how crazy it is. I hope Saturday is a beautiful day because we could all be outside and spend the day together.
I went home at lunch and took Carolyn with me. I had to go see the porch. Oh my! It is going to be beautiful and such a HUGE porch! I can't believe it. My Sarah was there and hugged me and kissed me and showed me her red boots... "wellies" Jilly and Katey would say. They were just so cute and shiny. She will have a blast in them. Phyllis, my sister, bought them for her.
Everyone was on the porch when I got home. They were all so tickled about it. I gave Randy a hug. He grinned that toothless grin and said "You got your porch." He is just the best brother. Carolyn said it was a good decision to put the porch on it. I am amazed at how different my house look. It is amazing. I will get photos either tonight or tomorrow.
I went and got the shot in my hip. Hurt like. . . . well the devil knows. She used numbing medicine in it to keep the pain from the shot to a minimum but it was still horrible. However, it is numb at the moment. She said it might be a few days before the cortisone kicks in and if it doesn't work, we might have to do it again. It seems that sometimes the needle isn't long enough and the medicine doesn't get in the right place.
Ok, I'm going now. Don't know when I'll be back. I'm taking my Doxepin around 6-7 p.m. so I get plenty of time to sleep it off. I'll be to bed by 9 or 10 at the latest. I can't wait to be able to sit on my porch! I'll bathe in the sink for that!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tuesday, One to Go
I hear the bathroom is nearing completion. Two people have called today to say Randy was working on it today. Since it stormed this morning he couldn't work outside so maybe the bathroom will be ready by Saturday? Actually, now I'm more excited about the porch...
I took a doxepin last night. Slept great. O.k. why do I always stop taking it? It does help me sleep well. I don't get any weird side effects except a craving for sweets... which I have generally anyway. I had only a little pain when I woke up. After about a week, the slight tired hangover will dissipate. I can't remember why I didn't take it... oh... I needed the SJW for depression. I don't take enough Doxepin to affect my mood. You can't take two different antidepressants. Still.... we'll see. I'll try and take it for the next three months and see what happens.
Home soon and across town to shower. Maybe I can do the spit bath thing tonight. That's where you bathe in the sink.... ugh. I hate it. I don't see how folks did that all the time way back when! I want a long hot shower or a long hot soak up to my neck!
Nearly time to go home now. I'm going to start getting things sorted and put away. May be back tonight. May not.
Monday, October 25, 2010
It Wouldn't Be Monday, Would It?
I went in and told the girl I had blood sugar problems and that I might be having a diabetic reaction. She sat me down.. 30 minutes later, they came and got me, stuck my finger. Blood sugar was 97. Within normal limits. I went back and waited another 30 minutes. Then they did a blood draw from my arm. I was sent back for another 30 minutes. During this time the sweating and shaking subsided and the nausea calmed a bit but I still felt horrible. And I was exhausted!
At 8 p.m. they took me back and I sat for another half hour. The doctor came in and talked to me, they ran an EKG to rule out a heart attack, which had not occurred to me but the symptoms are the same. My EKG was just fine. I waited another 30 minutes and he came back. They wanted me to have a shot of phenegren but since the nausea was nearly gone why bother! I was sent home around ten o'clock.
I went home, still sick, and went to bed. I'm so tired today. My stomach is still not happy with anything. I am going to get some more metal to wrap the wood, get a shower at Becca's and then home to bed. I am so happy about my house but I wish I could be off to help more. But OH I wish the bathroom was done. LOL
Friday, October 22, 2010
Job Woes
I've been expecting it for a couple of months now, ever since they began to drop people from the program. Fewer people getting housing assistance means fewer people employed to process it. This is the change they promised. Billions on stupid stuff and in foreign countries while housing for low income people is cut every year for Americans.
Now, with the Executive Director leaving it is not an unusual scenario. She was making way too much money since she's been here. I think they told her they would not continue to pay her =$100,000. She had an apartment she didn't pay for, she has health coverage. Worked an average of 4 days a week, leaving on Fridays to go back to her Illinois home and returning on Mondays. Cushy job that cost the taxpayers a bundle.
They would of course like for us to find other jobs. We were told to prepare our resumes and the boss would be happy to give us recommendations if we "didn't want to wait for the decision". He didn't say it but the truth is that would be easy for them. They wouldn't have to pay unemployment on several people at once. I will stay until they take the key to the back door.
There is no one near retirement. I'm one of the oldest in the department. There are a couple a few years older but most are under 50.
I appreciate any prayers you can garner on my behalf. I am immediately looking for ways to cut my spending until I know what will happen. If they lay me off, I would draw unemployment for a bit and I could substitute teach but there's no money in that at all. And the insurance I have is vital. Never mind that there are virtually NO jobs out there. Now would be a good time for that rich guy to knock on the door and say God sent him. LOL. Ok I have to make jokes here. Seriously, I don't want a rich guy... or any guy for that matter. I'd like Jerry to come home now. It won't happen. . . ever.
I don't find my self in a panic over the concept of no job. I think there have been so many blows in the last two years I just can't think about another one at this point. I sort of expect it, I guess. I'm sitting wondering why it took so long. I've managed to stay afloat because of my job. The thought of no job... it is just one more in a long string of bad things happening. They say when you hit bottom there is only one direction to go. I haven't hit it yet, I guess. I was kind of hoping for a ledge to break my fall.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
More Problems 2
Mike had a job for two weeks. He only worked twice. They fired him yesterday. He is in a spiral. Downward. I had to leave work and go to my house and make him go home. He was causing problems related to the people I had coming out for the electrical issues. This is the second time this week he's caused problems at the house. I feel bad for him about the job. But it wasn't a surprise to me. He's terribly disappointed and upset. I'm just tired.
I started the new medicine the doctor prescribed for me last week. It is Trazodone, an antidepressant he thinks will help me sleep. It doesn't work as good as my doxepin does. He says it is for the depression and to help me sleep. I may or may not take it. I am not supposed to take my skelaxin with it. I woke up hurting in my neck and shoulders because I didn't take the skelaxin. I don't know why I bother to go to the doctor. It is a waste of time and money.
I looked it up and it is a fairly mild A.D. but I'm not sold on its ability to help me sleep. It made me drowsy but Doxipen literally makes me fall asleep. Eventually, the effect decreases so I will be interested in seeing if this too decreases since it is not nearly as strong an effect as the other medicine. And the combination of Melatonin and Skelaxin makes me more sleepy that this stuff did. I took neither of those last night. I feel it this morning.
They are not going to be able to finish the roof in the back until this weather head is installed. So it will come to a standstill. I am hoping doing this rewiring may actually help with my utilities. If there are wires that are fused on the Vectren side, how do I know how that affects my power consumption? What idiots they are. They came and checked the line and on the places they found a break in the insulation and on the fused wires they simply taped it with electrical tape! I'll have to take photos of that.
O.k. I guess I have to get to work. I have a pain in my neck and sitting here is not helping. I may just go back to my regular medicines. This stupid to do this to myself.
Monday, October 18, 2010
More Problems
So, another expense but certainly not unimportant. I guess it is better to get it fixed now than run the risk of losing my house. I'll feel safer with all this done. I'm just frustrated by it all. It was really getting bad I guess and we just didn't have any way to fix it. We never would have either.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
On the House Top
After I got up and dressed we went and picked up the lumber necessary to attach the metal sheets to the roof and I just got back with that. It is a beautiful day in the neighborhood, sunshine is really glorious and the fall foliage is probably at its peak. It isn't going to be a long color season I don't think.
Right now it is 67F and perfect for sitting outside. I'm going to get Becca and Sarah in a few minutes. Dave is working out of town today at a concert. He has the part time job with a security company. It isn't enough money to live on but it is something.
Things are moving but still slowly. But then there are only two of them. I am hoping Becca will do some cleaning for me and help me get things a bit more orderly. I'm astounded at how very distressing it is. It is the first time in a long time I've actually felt better at work than home. Crazy.
I am taking photos today as things progress. I hope to have some of the new roof up by dark so you can see it won't look like a barn with this metal roof. For now, I'm going to get some laundry on. I am hoping to go to El Charro for lunch. Depends if I can get over there before three. I'd like to sit down and enjoy some time outside before it gets cold but I don't think I'll get it today. We'll see.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Late Night...Early Morning?
I must tell you a Sarah story. Her uncle Randy was going to sit down and eat tonight and he told her she could sit in the "princess chair" and eat, too. She patted the chair next to her and said, "And you can sit next to me." We were all amused at Her Royal Highness. No one has to tell this one where the power lies.
Randy got very tickled at her when he picked up a stuffed animal and handed it to her later. She told him she didn't want it because it's mother dressed it funny.
She is going to miss them when they are gone. She loves her uncle Randy and Brandon. If you check out the remodel album you can see she's got them wrapped around her tiny pinky.
Night.
New Photos Added
Remodel - Thru Sunday 10/15/10
Friday, Too!
Progress is being made. I will take photos either tonight or tomorrow and post them. Randy planned to go home by Monday but he won't be done by then. Do say a prayer for him because he has had problems with his blood pressure this week and really wasn't able to do much for a couple of days. We were very worried about it. He forgot to bring his meds with him but I believe my sister-in-law mailed them and a few minutes ago he said they had come in the mail. I'm really glad. He is just working so hard and he never complains about anything.
I am going to stop for now. I'll try and get on later. Things have been a bit insane with us running all over to get showers. We still have no bathroom. LOL, but the roof and siding is going up really well. So, I'm fine ... well, I'm o.k.... well, I'm dealing.
Oh, the hip is a bit achy this morning. It was very cool last night and I had to turn on the electric blanket. Thank goodness for that! It helps a lot with achy joints but the hip is a bit rebellious. I'm using that medicine and if I can remember to keep putting it on throughout the day it might be even better.
I'm outta here for now! Look for photos soon!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
On Top of It?
I've been doing the 4x a day thing with the Pennsaid as the doctor instructed. The pain in knees, leg, hip, and neck seem to be a better, particularly the hip. I'm telling you on Saturday I wanted to be put down like an old nag. The weather is damp this morning but I'm not in a tremendous lot of pain.
I have to pick up the new medicine tonight. I may not take it until tomorrow night since I do now know how it will work. I can't afford to miss work because I over slept.
Everything is, of course still a mess but there are areas I've managed to regain some slight order and that has helped me emotionally. I've been surprised with myself about that. I'm worse than even I thought. No wonder David is so OCD! And Mike! Poor Sarah, we see tendencies in her as well but she has two OCD parents so it doesn't bode well for her.
I was going to blog last night and do a video blog but I just didn't feel like doing it. By the time I got home from my shower, I was ready to hit the sack. I'll be getting more photos soon of the progress. I did post a new challenge. For October any Challenges I post will they will tend to be Halloweeny.
I have to go to work now. I am so glad it is Thursday. I am eagerly awaiting Friday. And Saturday will be greeted with great excitement.
As one governor once said, "I will be back."
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
A Dog's Mistake (In Doggrerel Verse) by A. B. Paterson
He was just a wand'ring mongrel from the weary world outside;
He was not aristocratic, being mostly ribs and hair,
With a hint of spaniel parents and a touch of native bear
He was very poor and humble and content with what he got,
So we fed him bones and biscuits, till he heartened up a lot;
Then he growled and grew aggressive, treating orders with disdain,
Till at last he bit the butcher, which would argue want of brain.
Now the butcher, noble fellow, was a sport beyond belief,
And instead of bringing actions he brought half a shin of beef,
Which he handed on to Fido, who received it as a right
And removed it to the garden, where he buried it at night.
'Twas the means of his undoing, for my wife, who'd stood his friend,
To adopt a slang expression, "went in off the deepest end",
For among the pinks and pansies, the gloxinias and the gorse
He had made an excavation like a graveyard for a horse.
Then we held a consultation which decided on his fate:
'Twas in anger more than sorrow that we led him to the gate,
And we handed him the beef-bone as provision for the day,
Then we opened wide the portal and we told him, "On your way."
I like poetry. I was reading it as a child, began writing some by the time I was a teenager, and to this day, I still love reading it. I ran across this poet looking for something else. He writes about Australia. He is probably best known for "The Man from Snowy River" and the Australian anthem "Waltzing Mathilda". Here is a link to a site containing other poems by him.
A. B. "Banjo" Paterson Poetry
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Lunch Break
There is something about a new door on a house that is so exciting. I can't explain it. I like new doors. I loved putting in the door we had on the back of the house. And the new door on the main entrance, which has no lites or windows of any kind. If I ever replace that door, it will be something fancy now that I'll have that nice gabled entry.
The old back door was known as a cross-buck door = window in the top and a cross panel on the bottom. (photo on the left)
The tile in the bathroom is nearly done. There were a few problems with some of it. I'm not thrilled with the way I had it done but it is what it is. I'm getting a plumber to install a new faucet on my sink. The old one is shot but the new one is exactly like it. If I ever get the kitchen done, that is one thing less that I'll need.
So, that is the the way things stand at the moment. More as the situation develops.
Is it Only Tuesday?
My doctor is giving me a new medicine to help me sleep. Some kind of mood altering thing. Says I'm depressed and anxious. Give the man a blue ribbon. Sometimes I really don't like my doctor. Probably means he's fairly good at his job.
No, it isn't finished. They have started putting siding up. And the gable is almost done. The roofing is ordered and supposed to be in on Thursday. I have two new doors going in today and two new windows in the den. One window is coming out. Since the door will have a window I won't miss the one we remove. And I'll have another wall to utilize. That room has no unbroken walls so placing furniture is a pain. Now, I'll have one long wall with nothing but a door in it.
I am not feeling good at all. I hate all this running after work. I went home and put away two weeks of laundry. Mopped the floors I could get to because they were a mess and I can't stand it anymore. I'll have to take off to do anything about real cleaning. But, I get my birthday off this year and I am taking the 29th as well. I just asked Marques and he said it was fine. So, with that to look forward to, maybe I can accomplish some things at home.
All right, time to get to the real work. Break is over.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Monday Madness
I think I have to go buy the doors today and windows for the den. They are installing siding today. The gable is finished. They were working on the bathroom, too. I ordered the roofing material and it will be in Thursday. Yes, progress but still my house is a debris field after an atomic blast. I'm hurting all over. I'm not getting enough sleep because I am having to go get a shower somewhere else. It is nearly 10 before I get home after three of us shower.
I still have a headache. I don't know why. Tired, tramadol, stress, nerve pain, muscle pain? Whatever. I'm not going to be fit for NaNo if I don't start getting enough rest. I need a week of nothing.. no worries, no stress, no bother.
I may take another weekend away somewhere.... with a heated indoor pool.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Word for the Day
It is a word. I read it in my Webster's Dictionary. I assure you it is a very good dictionary. Has everything in it... well up to 1978. But just look how many words that is...
Friday, October 8, 2010
FRIDAY!
I tossed and turned last night, rethinking my whole decision to rip out a fairly good bathroom I only needed a tub, really. I am so stressed about everything. I don't know if any of this is a good idea. Everything is upside down. The bathroom seems like a total wreck. Of course it isn't finished but mentally, that isn't registering. Will I really like this change? What if I hate it?
The awning is lying in the front yard. The living room was freaky this morning because it was so light in there! Took me a minute to figure it out. Can't believe how dark it was for so long. I never thought much about it. It just was. With the window opened, the room looks totally different... and junky. I'm going to get new living room furniture as soon as order returns. I'm junking everything, I think. There is too much debris in my life.
I hope at some point this will be funny. I doubt it.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The Insanity of It All
Tile began going up today. It really looks nice. Randy stopped tiling around lunch because he wanted me to decide how high I wanted the decorative band. He also added a touch of his own. Diamond shaped tile above and below the band. I think it will look really pretty. He can cut the large tiles into four squares and turn the squares onto a point and line them up.
Watching all this I realize how very talented he is. There is no waste and he takes great care in his work.
Once the bathroom is done, they can work on the roof and siding and I can clean this mess up inside. I so need to get rid of a ton of junk!
We resolved the cabinet in the bath problem. My floor to ceiling hall cabinet will be modified. The bottom half of the cabinet will be divided and closed off. Half of it will open into the bath for towels and wash cloths and other items. The other half will open into the hallway and continue to be home to my bedding. This is an ideal solution using space that is already used but more efficiently.
I'm getting ready to turn in now. I've had a long day and evening. I will be glad when we can get a bath without having to leave the house.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Second Day of Demolition
I also had to get faucets for the tub. The old ones were worn out. I still have a leak in the second toilet. I think the seal is worn out. We'll get a new one tomorrow.
The insurance adjuster came out and looked at the roof. I have enough to pay for the stuff to do the roof. Randy and Brandon will put that on for me. The metal roof is out as no one does the metal sheets for do it yourselfers. But that's ok too.
I'm all "het" up about this disarray. I can't stand the confusion of everything everywhere and dust coating everything. The effort needed to clean it will be herculean!
The green "rock" is up and waiting for the tile to go up. The window and tile will go in tomorrow. I really can't wait to see it.
Getting rid of the debris is a problem. I haven't figured it out yet and must by the time they start on the room.
It is midnight. Morpheus is calling.
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Walls Came Tumbling Down
I suspect they will get a lot done tomorrow. The claims adjuster will be here tomorrow to look at the roof. Randy will talk with him about the roof.
We are running the tile right to the ceiling. I just want as little maintenance as possible in there and I think that will be the best way to deal with it. The moisture level can get high and the tile will help with that, I think. There is no insulation in the outside wall and he will be putting that in there as well, so the warmth factor should be better.
Dust coats everything, even though I closed the bedroom doors I found dust on the headboard, night stand, and floor. So, it is a safe bet the bed was coated. I will change the sheets tomorrow. Tonight, I'm headed for bed. I wish I could be around to see how it goes but I'll check in at lunch.
We went to Dave and Becca's to shower and visit for a short time. Miss Sarah flirted shamelessly with Brandon, my step nephew. He is such a nice young man. Brandon seems to still be a good boy. I've only seen them maybe three times in the last 15 years and I think the older boy has gone off the rails a bit and so has the younger daughter. I was talking about the backyard camping trip we all had on the Labor Day weekend when Princess Diana died. We were at my mother's, all of us and our children, my aunt and uncle - a passel of about 15 people. We camped in her backyard, cooked out and just had a good time hanging out. The kids all played well together. Brandon, the middle child, was seven at the time and he's 20 now. He told me he remembered it and from the sound of his voice I think it was a good memory. I'm glad. I always loved those children. Those days will never come again so it is nice if he has good memories of it.
Lights out now. I will be posting photos eventually. And more as the project progresses. If things continue to move this fast, it won't take three weeks. Brandon says he can't wait to get on the roof. He likes roofing. I can't wait for the whole thing to be completed. I can't stand the chaos of stuff everywhere! I feel hemmed in by it but there is not alternative.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Sunday Passing
I should apologize for the depressing posts I've been putting up. Maybe I should close those off. I don't like them myself. I hate revealing all that at times. But from the beginning of this whole mess I felt it was very important for other people to see the reality of this process. Most of the time, we never get even a glimpse of it. I never had a clue. Now that I do, I can think of so many people I might have dealt with differently had I realized. The woman at work who's husband died a couple of months ago and I have talked quite a lot. One day I told her for months after Jerry died, I would put my face in his clothes hanging in the closet because I could still smell him on them. She started to cry and blurted out, "I did that!" After she regained her composure, I apologized for upsetting her. She said, "No, I thought I was the only one and I thought it was crazy!"
I've decided to take off to go get the tub, tile, and other stuff in the morning. I also have to get the permit based on the cost of materials. I can do that on my own. My brother will have to go with me to get the materials. I picked everything out yesterday.
I can't believe it is happening. I keep expecting to wake up and it all be a nice dream with no substance.
I'm tired and maybe I should try an sleep for a while until they arrive. They will be so tired but tomorrow is only one day. I suspect when they get started, it will be a whirlwind of activity.
I went to church tonight with Mike and Sarah. She is just such a joy. We went to McDonald's after church, of course, and while we waited for Mike to bring our food she smiled at me and said, "You're my best buddy." When I dropped her off at home she called, "Come get me Thursday." LOL, we have no idea why Thursday.
I've got my NaNo account updated and ready to roll. I need to start outlining my idea so I've got something to work with. I suspect I'll have time in the evenings but with two males in the house who knows.
I've never lived with this brother since he was a kid. And that was only briefly when Jerry and I were living with my mother and four of my siblings to help her make ends meet. He was a funny kid but rather quiet as kids go. That or I was just an older married sister too busy to notice him. I hope not.
At any rate, both my sister Phyllis and I are thrilled he is coming. She's going to help me feed them by cooking. Becca said she will come over and cook, too. I know that sounds silly but I don't expect them to eat the way I do. I don't eat at night! They'll be hungry with all this work. And I won't be home all day. So, they'll need someone to help with that.
I think I will call it a night. I'm really tired.
Voluntary Prison
On the way home today I had two realizations. One, dreams do not come true. It is a lie... not a myth. A lie. Two, I realized that I really no longer want to leave my house. I do not like getting in the car and leaving the yard. I cry when I leave and cry when I come home. I cry at the thought of going out of the house every morning to my job. I cry when I get up. I cry when I go to bed. I manage to get through my work day without falling apart but I'm so tired when it is over. I just want to go home and not come out again.
I don't like going out and seeing how very empty the rest of the world is and how pointless it is. I didn't like shopping before, now I detest stores. At least, I can sit outside here if the weather is nice but it is too cold for me today and will probably remain so for six months. So I'll stay in my voluntary prison. It will be a fairly nice prison once all the repairs are completed.
I don't think as much when I'm here. I watch a lot of old t.v. shows and lie around. I'm so tired most of the time I can't do much more than that anyway. Half a day of cleaning house and I'm done for on any given day. Right now I feel exhausted and I'm still not done with getting things ready for house guests. I have felt this way for a few days now. But when I go to bed, I don't rest. There is no position in the bed that doesn't hurt and so my sleep is never very good.
I'm tired. I already said that but it is true.
Solitary Sunday
I don't think I slept well. Woke with feet, knees, hands, and neck hurting. It was cold in the house. I don't know what it got down to last night but it is currently 54 at 9 a.m.I guess I'll have to break out the electric blanket so I won't ache so much.
What am I going to do it this gets any worse? There isn't anyone to rely on for anything.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
At the Starting Line
I dropped in this morning and found that the boards have been wiped. The forums are open. Don't forget to go update your profile with your time zone, participant/winner info, and download those lovely badges to show off on your email and websites.
If you have never participated in 30 days of madness, I encourage you to give in and try it. Anyone who loves to write should try NaNo once. You'll be hooked for life and discover a lot about yourself. Of course you'll make lots of friends along the way, too.
So, keep your eyes on this spot. The madness begins November 1st.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Downhill
We do not have maintenance men to do our moving. We have to do it ourselves. This means you have to know how to use a screwdriver and be able to move 100 lbs. I've been on the floor on my back beneath my desk most of the day. First taking it apart. Then, moving it. Then putting it back together. I will get photos for you all next week. I like it this way actually.
I had my desk in front of the window when I first got this office and moved the desk to a corner. It was hard to see the screen and I had to face the window. You can see photos of my office before today's change in layout in the albums. Actually, my keyboard tray won't work in the right place this time either but I'll rig something later for that. The other reason I wanted it moved was I hated my back to the door. My boss never knocks and I'm not allowed to shut my door. So he is eternally coming up behind me. I hate it. Of course he goes through our desks, too. Everyone knows it but there isn't much we can do about it. Not sure what his purpose is.
Anyway, it is almost time to go home and I'm going to finish it up. It was so very dusty and dirty in here. Our vacuum doesn't work well either. The wheel keeps falling off. I could bring mine from home for a day but don't see why I should be responsible for bringing my own equipment to clean their offices.
I'll pop in later. I'm so happy it is Friday! I hope I do not feel all this moving tomorrow!
Friday Has Arrived
The writer's meeting went well last night but I hate I was so sick. I felt as if I wasn't able to put my best into it. But it was nice to sit and talk to my friends and share some of their excitement.
I hope everyone has a productive Friday. My Brit friends are already well into their Friday and it will be almost Saturday there by the time I get home. I may pop in later today if I find myself taking a break but. . .
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Writers' Asylum Inmates Plot
We talked a bit about what we aren't doing, what we want to do and NaNo approaching.
We did a writing exercise with a "progressive story". Cassie started a story, handed it off to me. I wrote the next bit and handed it off to Doug. It was fun and interesting how a small gray mouse, wearing a straw hat with a feather and plaid suspenders and named Theodore S. Muse came to life. I asked Cassie if she has time, to transcribe the story and share it with the other members. If I can I'll share it here.
The next formal meeting is set for Thursday, October 21, at 6:30.
We also set up the 14th & 28th as online meetings for anyone who can be online.
We enjoyed our meeting a lot. Even with just three we had a good time. That progressive story was amusing and is a good way to get the synapses firing a bit. But I got to tell you, I'm really not feeling very good. I do have some kind of bug. I just feel sick constantly. I'm going to bed now and hope that in the morning I'll be better.
NaNo is coming: 32 days = 4 weeks & 4 days!
Ron's Challenge
During our visit last night, Ron tossed me a challenge. Actually, it is the above site where there is a writing contest posted regularly. I haven't had time to do more than skim it but NPR is a reputable entity so I am posting it here for my online writing friends.
I may try this when the next round opens up. It looks fun. And who know....
Tell Me It's Friday!
You have to understand something. I don't get "sick" when I'm sick unless I'm really very, very sick. I never throw up and if I do, get me to the hospital because I'm really ill. No, I just feel like garbage. My stomach has bothered me for days. I've had headaches, lethargy, and a general all over ache. I need to lie down... badly.
I just went to lunch with Carolyn. We went to Bob Evans and I had potato soup. They have the best potato soup in the world. Small squares of potatoes sitting in a thick cheddery soup with crumbled fried bacon and scallions on top. Mmmmm, Sabrosa!
Anyway, it was good. And I had banana bread. That's delicious, too. But I still feel lousy. I'm annoyed by it because I have writer's meeting tonight. Last thing I want is to entertain but I don't want to cancel. I've been looking forward to this for two weeks.
I may just have to leave early and try to rest for a few hours. I don't know.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
A Nice Evening to Watch the Leaves Fall
We came in at 8:30 because it got too cool for me. Being from Michigan, he is a bit more cold blooded. But I think it had even gotten to him. He drank a pot of coffee. He brought the coffee and we made it here. Dunkin' Donuts apparently sells ground coffee. I don't usually drink coffee at night so he had that 12 cup pot to himself. I told him he wouldn't sleep tonight. He says he has trouble sleeping anyway. With that much coffee in him, it is no wonder.
He just left about 30 minutes ago and I'm now showered and in my bed blogging before I turn out the lights. I vowed to myself to try and get in bed earlier tonight and see if I can rest. I felt sick most of the day. I still do not feel well but I did have a lovely visit with my friend.
He flattered me. I'm the only woman he likes to talk to. LOL, I don't believe it but he swore it was true. Apparently, I don't annoy him. I told him it was because I overlook the things that annoy me in him. He agreed that was probably true.
I needed the laughter. When he left he told me that we needed to talk more often. I agreed. Good friends are hard to find and when you do, you shouldn't forget to keep in touch. Having people come here to spend an evening talking and laughing does more for me than any pill. I feel better when they leave.
Tomorrow night is the writers meeting. I don't know how that will go. I hope it will be good. I'm sure it will. I like my writing friends. I'll tell you how it goes.
Now, bed. I'm tired. Stomach still doesn't feel good and I wasn't much for eating today. I had salad at McDonald's. I couldn't finish it. It just didn't taste that good to me.
Hope you all have a good evening.
Wednesday Winds Down
I'm tired. Very tired and I just don't feel like sitting in a restaurant eating food that I don't feel like eating. I've not felt well for two or three days. Actually, last night and this morning I felt sick on my stomach. I don't know why. I thought when I got up I was going to be sick. I got better but lunch, a salad at McDonalds, was not good at all. I have no desire for supper. So, I'll fix a pot of coffee and we can sit and chat.
I do not know if I'll be back on today. Probably not. Once my guest leaves I'm going to bed.
I did hear today that my brother should be here Monday to work on the house. Hope so! I want to get it done.
Hope you all have a good evening.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
What Day Will It Be?
At the moment, I didn't have a good morning wake up. My upper back was hurting and my knees. I'm cold and I really wanted to sleep in for about another hour. The central unit has been off since Sunday. The temp inside is 70. That has become too cool for me since Jerry died. Not sure why but I was always was cold-natured anyway and bundled up in the evenings. Seems worse now is all. I'll be breaking out the electric blanket soon I suspect. I could wrap up but the weight of the blankets hurts my knees and feet. But I do love to snuggle under lots of blankets.
I'm finishing up my breakfast while I do this post and then headed to work. It dawned on me that I have to feed my brother while he is here so I need to sit down and come up with a couple of ideas. I don't cook anymore, remember? So, I suspect I'll be cooking these casserole meals that go a long way. Must remember to invest in disposable plates, utensils and cups.
I lay in bed last night and did nothing but watch Perry Mason shows on Hulu. I still love the show. And I listened to an old Abbott and Costello radio show. They are still funny. I wonder if the ever imagined they would be funny 70 years later?
I have nothing else to say.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Things I'm Looking For
I'm looking for a good sleep. I'm here, tucked up in my bed... well, on my bed. I have decided to call it quits for today. I'm glad the day is done and that I don't have to face Monday for another week.
I'm looking for a good idea to blog about. I'm not sure I have a real blog in me tonight. I need to go over and start plotting my nano idea but I am not quite ready. I usually like an idea to simmer a bit before I try and put it on the page. If it is any good it will hang around and expand. If it isn't it fades.
I also am looking at ways to generate the drive to write. Haven't found it yet. Must look under the bed.... whoa, maybe not a good idea. Never seen those before... wonder ... hmmmm.
I'm looking for a million dollars. I didn't lose it. I'm just hoping to find it.
I'm looking for other things to do after work that will take me out of this house for a short time in the evenings. I don't want to join the Y again. I don't actually like it.
I'm looking for something to make my hair grow. Since Jerry died, I've lost about 50% of my hair. What little is growing back is white. I don't mind white. It's just a lack of color, pretty much reflects my state of mind and life.
Did you know that stress and aging causes the body to produce an excess of amount hydrogen peroxide in the scalp and this in turn causes hair to turn white. It bleaches it. Stop the production of peroxide and you stop your hair turning white. Simple. I suppose I'm looking for a way to stop the HP production. At the current rate, I expect to be totally white in two years . . if I have any hair left.
I'm looking for ways to cut utility cost. I want OFF the grid! B@$#@^&! I hate Vectren.
I'm looking for way to get the repairs done very cheap.
I'm looking for a tall, dark haired man with dark blue eyes. He used to live here.
Barack Obama: the Great Unravelling of a One-Term President? - Telegraph
Finally, some optimistic news! From the foreign press, no less!
I always get annoyed by the American press. Seems they feel they MUST make our current leaders look good, even if it means covering things up or blaming the previous leaders. LOL, that is not the case in the foreign press. The delight in pointing out our warts. And we should want that in our country. Warts are contagious. They multiply exponentially.
One term? Dear God, from their lips to your ear!
You don't have to write and tell me how much you love our current president and how wonderful he is. I can read that in OUR press. Although, a 42% approval rating would indicate that our press is sadly misinformed.
What I found most telling is the comments. People are pretty much the same the world over. Spite, bitterness, racism, nationalism, ignorance of other cultures ... only the locations change. One comment makes it appear that all blacks are carrying guns and knives and involved in violence. This could not be further from the truth! There are many productive and law-abiding blacks, just as there are some whites involved in gun carrying gangs. Of course we have a growing population of illegal aliens from Mexico in gangs and with that lovely Nafta crap they just drive in on big trucks loaded with the stuff.
Ok, don't get me started on that. I'll be getting mail. Anyway, found it refreshing that someone else doesn't like our administration. All I can say is someone better come up with a super candidate soon. We may have to elect an out of work CEO. There are a lot of them since jobs went east, west, and south.
The Correct Answer
Here is the original excerpt.
"We've got people on sight giving on sight demonstrations about native animals, food and gardening, spear throwing, teaching them all about the culture, first hand."
"We've got people on site giving on-site demonstrations about native animals, food and gardening, spear throwing, teaching them all about the culture, first hand."
The word sight refers to vision. the word site is a location.
Here is the link to the article if you want to read about the event. It was poorly covered as far as I'm concerned. This is an event with 10,000 in attendance in two days? http://www.14wfie.com/Global/story.asp?S=13219906
Oh My! It's Back!
It is 55 degrees! I believe the sun is shinning but I got up first this morning, so he's lazy.
I hate this time of year where it gets dark earlier and stays dark longer. Daylight savings time doesn't do a think for the winter or summer. You can't make a day longer or shorter. It does it all by itself.
I'm dreading the cold months for what it will cost to stay warm. I really hate it. Someone suggested a fireplace insert. I don't have a fire place and I doubt I could do the wood chopping anymore. I did a load of that as a teenager. We had a wood stove back when I was between 11 and 15. I cut wood a lot, with an axe.
Now, I'm at the mercy of the utility company. We are higher than any place I've checked and there is no alternative. It is really horrible. And so many will have trouble keeping their power on when these bandits jack up the rates again. They do it about ever six months.
O.k. off to the mine to shovel. Please say a pray for me today. I get very depressed on Monday's. I don't know why but going to work is very difficult. Hope you all have a great Monday.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
What's Wrong with This?
Educational Program Assistant Corbe Ashby says, "We've got people on sight giving on sight demonstrations about native animals, food and gardening, spear throwing, teaching them all about the culture, first hand."