Trend Setting by the Numbers

Ok, there has to be a trend here. Let's review.

1. Jerry has back surgery Dec 1
2. Dave & Becca have to move back in around the middle of December.
3. Dave & Becca can't make their car payments and I take the car over.
4. Jerry falls and breaks his hand.
5. The car broke down and had to be repaired.
6. The breaks on my other car need fixing.
7. The phone company says I have to pay Dave & Becca's phone bill since we had it under our account.
8. The washer breaks down at last. We knew it was going to happen since oil as been pour from beneath it for 6 months or more.
9. Our medical expenses are averaging $250 a month, nearly one week's pay for me.
10. Jerry still can't work.
11. David's hours were cut.
12. Becca still can 't work.
13. My mother is in the hospital with kidney failure.

What do you suppose will happen on the 1st of April?

Monday Memories

Do you know that Monday repeats? It does! It is here again. I could swear that it was Monday... just last week.

I moved furniture on Saturday in my living room and cleaned it top to bottom. I also cleaned mopped the floors in the living room and both bathroom. The whole house smelled better. Every time I walked in lately the house smelled bad and I could not find what was causing it.

So Sunday I was in terrible pain. RA is bad enough but when you move furniture... well, let me just say that I had a hard time finding a place that didn't hurt! I sat in a chair all day at the computer because that mean I didn't have to move anything but my arms.

Today, I am back at work and mostly my legs hurt. So maybe by tomorrow, everything will clear up. I am not counting on it but hey, I might get lucky!

I am so homesick lately. My brother, Bill, came through last week and spent the night. He drives a truck and was in town making a delivery. It was nice to see him. We visited and it was nice just being with him. I miss him a lot and he comes for a visit once in a blue moon. In the 18 years I have lived here he as been in my house two times.

It made me just want to see home again. There is no one else to see really so I don't know why I feel that way. Jerry and I are talking about a trip to Andalusia to see his brother and sister and maybe we can run over to Mobile to see my aunts and grandmother. My mother is in Florida and I could run by there on the way home. But this would mean about 5 days travel and that is no fun for me. Actually, I'd just like to site-see in a couple of places!

I never see any of my family unless I go to them. Except for my Aunt and Uncle, they come visit once a year and it is so nice. Right now they are visiting Austraila. I try and get to their place every year or two. We tell each other we are the only family we have. It is a joke, of course, but seems very real.

I used to have a big family. I was the oldest of seven children but they lived with our mother but Bill and I lived with our grandparents (Mama & Daddy). The others are only half brothers and sisters never really cared as much for me as I did for them. Maybe because they had each other. Anyway, the emotional attachment was greater for me than them. However, I discovered that when people stay away long enough, you stop missing them. You feel sad for what was lost but that is about it.

All the adults my life was centered around are dead now. The only person I have never stopped missing is Mama. I think about her every day. Somedays I miss Daddy, too.

And we aren't going there today because I have to work! The 15 minute break is over.

Junkyard Living in the State of Depression

Yes! Yes! Yes! Another Friday is here. I survived another week! Can't believe it. And I am much better tonight. Bit ticked off but much better. Do ya'll think I stay that way?

I do feel better but I had a bit of help. Prayed first and then was remined by a voice at my shoulder that I have several nutritional supplements that I have not been taking in ah... well.... awhile. Alpha lipoic acid, B complex, Ginko Biloba, Gensing, Milk Thistle... all good for insulin metabolism. But one is St. John's Wort.

Goodness, yes, I get depressed. You couldn't tell? People with my disorder are already chemically unbalanced. That's CHEMICALLY unbalanced, I said! They can suffer from depression brought on by imbalances in their insulin. Basic chem.

Years ago, oh about nine, I became so severely depressed that I was suicidal. Talked to God; talked to my doctor. God was the only one who listened. He told me I had a great mind and could figure this out. I agreed with Him. So, I went to the library and checked out a dozen medical books on women's health issues. I started researching for causes of depression. Did you know that lots of things can cause depression and it is not all demonic? Really! Diet, lack of sleep, stress, and many health conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure, hormone imbalances, menopause . . . well, you can see the list is long.

So, once I found potential causes in myself, I began self-medicating with nutritional supplements based on my extensive research. Bad diet can cause depression but I had medical problems on top of financial stress (we were both unemployed for almost two years), on top of family crisises. I was a mess but with much prayer, proper nutrition and more prayer, in six months I was a new woman. I took St. John's Wort for three years beginning with one pill, 3x a day and by the third year was down to one pill, once a day.

Then one day, I went off them all together. Never had another episode, except when I am very stressed and short of sleep, both of which make each other worse. But in the last two years now I have taken SJW once and then only for about three days.

But about Wednesday, the big guy standing at my shoulder said I should take the things I knew were good for me and would help me feel much better in a couple of days. This week I have taken it again. In two days I am feeling much better and have slept better. And the lights are back on, dim, but on.

I am sure there are those out there who will have their own idea of depression but save it. I don't care. I know what worked. And tonight, I am living proof that once again listenting to that quiet voice at my shoulder is always a good thing.

WARNING: Herbal supplements can have severe side effects and may interact with some medications. NEVER take an herbal supplement until you discuss it with your doctor and with a pharmacist. I suggest you obtain a good book that will give you thorough information on supplements and herbal medicines. I did not discuss taking herbals with a doctor because the doctor was not listening when I talked about my depression. My repeated statements that something was wrong were ignored and I got sicker.

Not until I changed doctors did I find one who was very open to natrual medicines and worked with me. I was "well" by the time he saw me and his comment was, "Whatever you are doing is working so I don't want to mess with it." So, do your research and if your doctor will not discuss it with you, find another doctor. Expensive prescriptions with dangerous side effects are not always necessary.

You MUST not take St John's Wort with any other anti-depressant medication! Seek medical help if you are severely depressed. My way is NOT the best way. I had no choice. I had to find help where I could or die. As for prayer, it will help you get better and/or help you find the strength you need to seek help. It certainly won't hurt you... unless you have bad knees. But a pillow works wonders for that.

Bloggy Mountain Breakdown

The two post prior to this one were actually done Thursday night and then Friday around noon, respectively. I tried to post them both when I did them but the system kept telling me there was an error. It was nerve wracking, let me tell you. I am still new at this blog stuff and I have no idea of the havoc that can result from one misspent message. Is that how you spell misspent?

I kept getting a message that said an engineer was contacted and would check the problem. Never one to trust engineers, (everything ends up on a diagram that even other engineers can't read) I had my doubts. But I guess he did because now it is working and I actually did three post!

I am tired and I am going to bed. No late night carousing on the web tonight.

The Long Road Home

It's Friday. Is there any day more lovely than Friday? Friday, 5:00 p.m. is the loveliest time of the week. When I reach that place, there will be dancing and music. I will hear choirs singing.

Friday, 5:00 p.m., the end of the weekly journey to Hell and Back!

I am hours from there.

I hate long drives.

Searching for the Oasis

The struggle to survive seems so very exhausting at times. You look for places to lie in the shade and sleep for just a few minutes so you can continue the journey but the desert surrounds you and there is no water in this land.

You look for a different road to turn and there is no road at all. The desert wind blows sand in your face, and scours you mind and heart. You can't build here because when you try and lay the foundation for a shelter, the winds shift the sand and your walls come down. You are raw and broken, and so very tired.

So you continue to trudge through the drifts. Hoping, hoping so hard for a place to rest, for a green oasis where cool grass will refresh your eyes and cool water soothe your parched throat, and you can lie back and close your eyes in the shade for just a moment. Just until strength returns and your heart quiets. A place where all the world is quiet for just a moment and you can forget.

I only know of one thing to do but I still feel so defeated that even prayer seems a failure. Did you ever reach a place where you looked up to the face of God and said, "Let me rest. Let me just put my head here in your lap, for a little while, and rest. Give me peace so that my soul can rest. I am so weary and I just want to rest."

I have.

Some Days Life Is A Challenge

I am on my lunch hour. Eating in the office. I hate doing that but the lunch was free and since they say there are no free lunches I thought I should take advantage of an apparent one.

I usually have to get out of the building because I need a break from the stress. Today, I am doing that by blogging. Have you seen how many I have done in three days. That is what stress will do to you! I said in a very early post that this was my opportunity to rant. I think I have proven it.

Did you ever get so sleepy that you could literally slide off your chair into a puddle? I feel that way now, after eating. That is not a good thing. I have metabolic disorder called insulin resistance. Not diabetes ... yet. It is a precursor. I think it is getting worse but can't be sure. I take a medicine called metformin that aids in insulin utilization. I could tell the difference immedialy after I started taking it. But now, some days, I don't know.

Diet is a major factor in diabetes. I try not to eat a lot of sweets, but I do eat some. Sadly, despite what the "experts" would have you believe, it is NOT cheaper to buy foods that are good for you than it is to buy food that are bad for you. You go try and buy ground beef. The leaner the meat the higher the price. And go try and buy a sugar free desert item. Higher than the one with sugar. Try buying fresh fruit and vegetables. Way more than canned and the cheapest canned is nasty! We all know that the nutritional value of canned is very poor when compared to fresh. So, if you have a metabolic disorder they would rather you be on medicine... which cost more than food!

My biggest problem is not enough physical exercise. I need to move! But there are too many things I want to do, too many thoughts I want to think, too many books I want to read! I don't have time to exercise. And then there is sleep. I just never get enough, ergo, I am sleepy at noon!

So, today I am trying to stay awake, think positive, and get a lot of stuff done. Some days life is a challenge, isn't it?

Fitting End to an Unfit Day

It's over. Today, or rather yesterday now, is over. What a day. But in some respects it was good for me.

My little run in with my little co-worker was good. I was so distressed when that happened that I closed my office door and just prayed about it. I wanted to brain the brainless. But I prayed. And moments later I got an email from a wonderful lady that gave me some comfort even though she had no idea of what was happening.

I email her back and told her that her message had helped me and I explained, much briefer than I explained below, what had happened. I asked her to keep me in her prayers. I went back to work.

In the mean time, later that afternoon, another co-worker came and told me that she had asked the thoughtless one "what was that all about". Co-worker #1 told co-worker #2 that she had made a mistake. She had failed to read an email that would have explained what was going on. Of course she could have asked but she didn't. DUH! Did she come to me and say she was sorry for her behavior? No. I guess that would make her look bad.

Will she apologize? She might. This is not the first time she has done something like this. This is the third such incident with her in the last six months. She did apologize once before. Even if she doesn't forgiveness is required but I doubt I will ever see her the same way again. How foolish people are and how careless of the things that should be valued. Until recently, I had considered this coworker a friend. Today proved how much she thought of me.

Ten minutes after this happened I checked my email and I had a reply from my email friend. She told me she had prayed for me immediately. She had even written her prayer in the email and sent it to me. And the issue, for me anyway, was already resolved before I knew she had prayed over it.

Needless to say, but I will, I sent her a quick reply to say that God is good! And confirmation of His control is wonderful when you are stressed. I needed that confirmation to lift up a very beaten spirit.

God IS good.... all the time.

Is the World Filled Idiots?

I am trying not to allow nasty people to control my life but some days it is difficult. I had a co-worker come into my office while I was doing some work. She began to berate me because she did not like the way I was doing it. Her reason was that "you're trying to make the rest of us look bad". How stupid is that? Standing in the hall ranting because I was working.

If you have enough time on your hands that you can walk to my office and scream through the doorway about how my working is making everyone else look bad.... How difficult it is? I am last on a long hallway... everyone but the director is at least two offices, an exit hall, and stairwell away from me. When 5 people on this hall are gone, now one can hear me if I am in trouble.

Here's the deal. We have to send out approximately 200 packets a month. We generally do this in the kitchen as a group either in the a.m. or after lunch. No time is ever set we just meet and do it. We also share phone duty because we are short staffed and my duty today was at 9:00 a.m. Some people just don't like doing the packets and will straggle in but it doesn't matter because those doing it just do it.

But this morning, a bit before 8, I was getting water to have at my desk and I saw the packets on the table and thought I'd just get them done. Another coworker did all the letters and lables yesterday. So, I picked up the packets and brought them to my office, got envelopes and sat down to stuff them.

While I was doing this, a second coworker stopped by and asked if she could help. I said sure but I want to do them at my desk. I stuffed, she stampped the return and we both then put on address lables for approximately 165 packets. That left only putting the letters in the envelopes, lables on the files, and letter copy in the file! So, is this a problem so far? I didn't think so.

During the process, the crazy co-worker came in, actually stood in the hallway and wanted to know why I had come to my office with all the packets to stuff them. I said I just wanted to do it and sit at my desk. She proceeded to tell me I had no business doing it that way, everyone was supposed to do the packets. Her comment was that I would go to my supervisor and make everyone else look bad for not helping. I explained I had not asked for help and I was not the person in the department who carried tales to the director. I had simply chosen to do the envelopes early at my desk and what was the problem! She accused me of trying to start a fight! My response was that she came to my office, I did not go to hers.

She continued to rant and rave about how it made everyone else look bad for me to do them like this. I informed her she could go pick up the letters and files and sit at her desk and do them if she wanted to.

Incidentally, this is the same moron who was on phone duty the day my husband broke his hand and she was too busy to leave the desk and let me know I had an emergency phone call. Yet she has ample time to leave her office to rant and rave at me because she doesn't like the way I am working! SHE might look bad.

Someone tell me exactly what this is all about. Is the world filled with idiots?

Road Rash of The Soul

What weekend! Rain, thunder, lightening. It was wonderful. I love storms and could sit and watch for hours. I have a story on my website called Out Running the Storm. The site link is at left.

For some reason I am at a place where it seems the road has ended and I have no where to turn. And I just drive around in circles. I can't explain it better than that. Sunday night I went to church early so I could go to the prayer room. Sometimes, often in fact, prayer is the only thing that helps. It was one of those times when I felt like someone who has just wiped out on a motorcycle... you know, road rash of the soul. If I close my eye, I can visualize vast quantities of my inner self stripped of skin, bruised, scrapped, raw, and unable to pick myself up. And I want to scream in pain.

The trip to the prayer room did help. I did pray, for me and others but the strangest thing happened. I suddenly found myself praying, "Hide me." Yes, I was saying over and over, "Hide me." It was very strange but I realized it was what I wanted so much that it hurt. I just want to slip off somewhere and hide, put my head on a pillow and curl up in a warm, dark cave and feel that someone else was worrying about things outside. I wish it were that simple. Yes, I feel better but road rash takes a while to heal. And I still have to find the road.

I also suffered from a migarine that started on Saturday and lasted until Sunday afternoon. Believe it or not, a cup of coffee helped! I usually take Imitrex but unfortunately, at the moment, I am not able to pay the co-pay on it and so have nothing to take. Spring and fall are the worst times of the year for me in regard to migraines. I seem to get more during those times than any other.

I am a bit annoyed at myself, too. I have not been writing lately. I got back on that history board and totally derailed. I am also behind in sewing for Becca. I have several things cut out and ready to sew. Must get those done this week. She won't have any clothes if I don't.

Now it is Tuesday, and my post is a day late. I gotta get back in a groove! I hope this week is uneventful.

The Clocks are Ticking!

Ok, everyone, look up. See that little bar with the baby? That tells us approximately where we are on the baby scale. Isn’t that cute? Another way to tell time.

Speaking of time, if you look to the left you will see the list of months in which I made a post. Did anyone realize this is the fifth month since I started this blog? I certainly didn't. I can't believe it has been that long. It feels like a few weeks ago but looking at that list tells me I am wrong.

It goes back to that time dilation thing I mentioned in an earlier post. A moving clock runs faster than a stationery one. I am telling you, that Einstein was a real genius. It is an interesting theory and one I seem to be able to prove at the drop of a hat! I find it utterly engrossing to think that a little thing like gravity can affect time. And the Bible mentions this fact. “One day is as a thousand years with the Lord.” God’s time moves at a different, and faster, rate than ours.

Gravity: Grave consequence; seriousness or importance[1] ALSO The natural force of attraction between any two massive bodies, which is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. [2]

We don’t have the luxury on earth to pick the amount of gravity exerted on us. We can’t adjust it. There could be serious consequences with more or less gravity. With less gravity we weigh less (yahoo!), can run faster, jump higher, and our joints just might last longer. More gravity would mean we would be heavier, have difficulty running, jumping, and could be crushed under the weight over time.

Yes, gravity can affect your whole life. Choices with consequence equal problems, exerting a force against you. The farther you are from the problem, the least amount of force it exerts on you. We all know that worse a situation gets the slower the clock moves!

According to Einstein, everything is relative. We may be stuck on planet earth at the moment, but we choose the level of gravity we live in. Gravity = Problems x distance. G=Pd Whoa, dude! Algebra!

Notes:

Einstein’s Universe by Nigel Calder – a good book for a novice with a basic background in earth sciences that did not include physics (like me). Explains a lot of good stuff about Einstein’s theories that are truly awesome when contemplated from a Christian viewpoint. And they were easy to understand. Does take a bit of time to read unless you are riveted by physics, even though it is a slim book of less than 150 pages. Me, I get riveted by anything that has to do with time, creation, and stars. I fumble around in the morass until I get some sense.

Also, any book by Hugh Ross, Ph.D. in astral physics AND the founder of Reason’s to Believe. His books are tremendous for Christians who believe there is a scientific foundation to creation that can be supported by the Bible. This is NOT for short time span creationist. He believes in long creations days. When I say long I mean in terms of time, thousands of years. I pretty much agree with him and believe the Bible supports that belief.

[1]Excerpted from American Heritage Talking Dictionary. Copyright © 1997 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
[2]Excerpted from American Heritage Talking Dictionary. Copyright © 1997 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Feeding the Jackass

Today on my job we are doing client recertifications. It is always a busy time because we see about 150 people in one day, individually. There is tons of paperwork to complete and shuffle. I work in Section 8 housing. I am a caseworker. My name is not Friday.

Basically, I manage a caseload of nearly 300 tenants and I process the paperwork for all of them. I am also the landlord liasion for all landlords participating in the program. There are approximately 900 of them. I manage all their files. I am very good at what I do. No one else wants to do it, so I must be. They pay me fairly well for the job. They don't pay me enough for the job hassels.

I also give landlord orientations twice a month to familiarize new (or confused) landlords with the program and to help them understand what they can expect of the program. It helps some and there are a couple who have attended several briefings and still don't get it. They aren't paying attention to what I say unless it involves how much money they can get. These are the people who have problems with tenants later and call me to whine for half an hour on how the latest tenant catastrophy happened. I listen, offer help if I can, and silently tell them they should have listened more in the briefing instead of dreaming of dollar signs. You won't get rich as a Section 8 landlord.

And I am the general computer bloodhound. I am given a problem with a computer or software and I sniff out it out. If I can figure it out and fix it, I do. If I can't I call Tom. He is tech support. He gets paid for it. I don't.

My job is interesting sometimes. Sometimes it is not. I work with some nice people. I work with some jerks. If they read the blog they can decide where they fall. I am not here to make friends. I am here to feed my family. I don't really care if someone is a jackass, as long as they don't get in my way. I don't have time to feed hay to the jackasses in the world. I have work to do.

Ya'll have a nice day now. I have something better at home but I was too tired to post it last night. I'll get it later tonight. Maybe.

Anyone get the impression I am not having a good day?

Relative Success

When I started thinking about creating a website for myself it was just a passing fancy, messing around creating a site using programs designed for that. In my case, I used Microsoft Office Publisher. During my play, I had an idea that I could do one for my church as well. So, I did it and actually posted it first. It was nice but the side effect of that was I wanted to do it better. So, I used what I learned to do my own site. And I was pretty pleased with it, even while thinking it was silly. At my age! Then, I wanted to do it better!

So I did updates, scronging the web for ideas and fancy scripts and codes to play with, new little gadgets, moving stuff around, adding and dropping pages. After the second update I had added some of my writing to my personal site. I got compliments and requests. Then, I wanted to do it better! So, I did.

I found that the programs just didn't give me the creativity I wanted. I realized that the problem was I didn't really understand how to work with the codes. I decided I had to learn to create the pages from coding so the writing pages would look better and I could make other changes within the program formated pages. Two birds, one stone.

So, I cruised the web for sites to teach me, I printed off manuals. And I did it. I learned the basics and created some pretty, simple pages. I think they look beautiful. Nothing fancy, just nice and focusing on the writing rather than gadgets. Ah, but then, I wanted to do it better. So now, I am looking at style sheets and thinking I have to learn this next. I still rely on my good old Publisher to do the heavy work.

In the midst of learning html and creating pages, I decided on a blog. You are seeing the results of that. I love the learning process but it became a struggle. I almost quit a couple of times. However, tenacity is my secret name. It was whispered in my ear by God just before my birth.

He gave it to me because He knew I would need every ounce of it to get through the muddle people made of my life until I could take the reins myself or give them to Him. I realized early that He steered much better than I do. Occassionally, I take the reins back, just because I want to get better at it but He is a master charioteer. Riding next to Him has been an awesome experience.

I realized yesterday, when I saw the sonagram pictures below that I was having fun at all this. I am in the middle of turmoil, stress beyond imagination, pain nearly beyond endurance, broke most of the time, and frustration at my inability to fix it all. But I am having fun!

My oldest son recently visited my website after the recent update. He said "Wow, Mom, you have accomplished so much in your life!"

I had to step back and think about what he said. "What accomplishments?" I asked.

He said, "You have two grown sons who are married and on their own, you have two websites, a blog and your writing is on the web. What more could you want!"

In a couple of sentences he had boiled my entire 50 years down into its simplest terms. I can't write that well! And his view was a bit overstated. But just the fact that he stated it so succinctly annoyed me. He was complimenting me and I was annoyed by it!

I was forced to ponder life and my successes. I don't know that I have any. But I realized a couple of things. I dreamed of them. I worked at them. Some I attained, some I have not. It seems failures far out number the successes. The important thing is that I keep trying. Mama would have said it is the little things that are important. And Mike had seen right to the core of my life. I don't know whether I will be a published author or not. I don't know if my sites are a success. I don' t know if I will ever have a car that doesn't leak or stop in the middle of the road without warning.

I do know that it is unthinkable to stop. The road is a ribbon running through hills and valleys with hidden curves and bumps. I am in a red convertible and the top is down, the sun is high and the wind is filled with the scent of pines. Today the road is mine.

It's a Real Baby!

Yahoo! Baby pictures are here! I have attached a copy of my first grandchild's picture. Isn't it adorable? These were taken this morning! If you click on the picture you will open one that is a bit larger. Use your back button to come back to this page.

We don't know if it is a boy or girl yet because it is too early to tell. But they said it could be left handed. You can see the left hand just below the word "Hi" in the picture. During the sonogram it kept moving the left hand to its face and didn't move the right hand at all. Becca was so worried she asked if it had a right hand. They laughed and showed it to her.

The left handed idea is not too farfetched. Becca is left handed and both grandmothers (her mom and I) are left handed. So, the odds favor it. There is not anyone in my family that we are aware of who was or is left handed. I am the only leftie in the Gilmore, Browder, Patch clans as far as I know. Neither of my sons is left handed. Strange, huh? But my son married a left handed girl who everyone thinks looks like my daughter!

Get this. The due day for above baby is between September 12 and 16. My due date for my other son, Mike, was September 12. He was born on September 22! We are hoping that that this baby will be born on Mike's birthday too. Every kid needs an Uncle Mike and to share a birthday with him would be awesome for both of them.

I think once we saw today's photos we all got excited. Becca said the baby was very active on the sonogram and the nurse said everything looked great. They also gave her some more medicine to help her not be so sick. Today she felt wonderful. She is such a fun girl to have around when she feels well.

I am going to bed now!! Really! Isn't it cute?

Monday, Monday

It seems that every time I think something is going to get better that something else happens to prove I am wrong. I don’t know what it is. I don’t believe in luck but it seems of late that dark clouds seem to follow me in mass.

On Monday, Jerry fell in the yard, onto the patio. He broke and dislocated his two middle fingers of his right hand. He had a small break but it was in a place where a ligament was attached and the bones broke through the skin causing what the doctor called an open dislocation. The exact piece of bone where the ligament was attached, the volar plate, is what broke off. The doctor put the fingers back in their proper place, sewed up the open wounds on the palm side of his fingers and sent us home. I had three hours sleep that night. I spent Tuesday morning at the orthopedic doctor’s, had lunch, then spent the afternoon at the rehab waiting while they put a splint on him. I went home and spent the evening playing nurse and fixing supper. I tried to take a nap but Becca was sick and needed something and I had to get up. So, I didn’t make a further attempt until midnight.

I was so sick today, Wednesday morning, that I just could not get up and go to work. I slept until 10:30 and was sluggish until about 2 p.m..

Since Monday afternoon, I was also angry because I was at work when this happened and my family had to call five times before they could get the moronic girl on the switchboard get someone call me to the phone. Actually, I was on the phone with a client. She told them she just didn’t have time to fool with it.

Tonight I am going to go to bed on time well, for me anyway. It is now 11:00 p.m. so I better get to it. Next post will contain some positive substance!

Whine Tasting Weekend

There is no point in moaning about it. I am going to state emphatically that I will never be a good blogger! I just don’t appear to have whatever it takes to keep it going. Actually, I started a post yesterday and something happened to it. Now, I am starting over.

I always put the blog last on the to-do-list and it shows. The last month I have spent time creating new pages for my website, updated and posted updates to the two sites, cut out the fabric for 4 maternity skirts and one blouse and made two of the skirts, gone shopping for maternity clothes for my daughter-in-law, I have worked 40 hours a week, and done housecleaning on the weekends. My RA has been very painful and I have worked in pain. There is no relief for it, so it seems.

I take 500 mg naproxen sodium twice a day for the RA and it usually takes the edge off. This month, the pain has been an endless expanse. Friday night, finally, I took a doxepin. I was prescribed this antidepressant about 15 years ago for migraine headaches and insomnia. It helps balance the serotonin in the brain. It worked wonders and I didn’t have to take it every day, only as needed. In the last couple of years, the doctors want me to take it every night before bedtime to help me sleep better and keep me from having so many headaches. I have not done that but I discovered Friday night that my pain was less on Saturday morning than usual. By the evening, it had worn off. So, I took another Saturday night. Today is Sunday and the pain is just as bad as it has been for weeks. I am tired of making the effort.

Everything is pushed aside for pain. I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to write, and I don’t want to be around people. I have to pretend everything is ok or I am a whiner. I have to smile when I feel like collapsing in the floor and screaming or I am depressing to everyone around me. I want to cry but the cistern where they are stored is dry. It doesn’t help at all. Even writing this sounds like I am complaining. That makes me feel worse.

I got so angry last night with Jerry because he had done nothing while I worked overtime yesterday, Saturday. He was supposed to do several things and none were done. He sits in the chair all day, drugged out of his mind on morphine. All his trips are in his mind and he doesn’t even know it.

They are weaning him off Lortabs with the morphine. They have already stopped the Lortabs and upped the morphine. I expect them to start reducing the morphine in a few weeks. He took pain meds for two years for the problem with his back. And he is an addictive personality. He has lost 30 pounds since his surgery but morphine takes away appetite. I have no doubt that once they take him off the drug that he will gain it back.

He was not supposed to pick up anything heavier than a gallon of milk for three months but that doesn’t mean he can’t do other things. He never gets out and walks like they told him. He just sits in his chair and sleeps with the television going. That’s why I know the weight loss is not natural. I have told him he is supposed to walk but he won’t do it. He has taken two walks since December to the end of the street once (two houses down) and another about twice that far.

I guess I am just worn out. I stopped feeling appreciated years ago and I have learned to deal with it as a part of life. I stopped taking my sense of worth from everyone around me. But you get tired, you know. Trying to make sure all the bills are paid, that there is enough food in the house, that the house is clean, and that repairs are done, taxes filed, and appointments are kept. I am doing everything and frankly, some things are beginning to slip. I no longer care if the kitchen floor ever gets fixed, or why the washer is pouring oil by the gallon on the rotten floor in the laundry room or if the spray nozzle ever gets screwed back on, if the leak around the side door is dealt with, or if the cabinets in the garage are ever installed. Today, I want to walk and see what else is out there. Tired doesn’t begin to encompass it.

Oh the Woes of Everyday Life

Has this been a busy time for me or what! So true. I thought for a bit that I would have to just cash it in and not do the blog at all. But I am not a quiter and will continue to try. I don't know if anyone is even visiting! It says I have had 32 visits but no one says a word. Better no word than "You stink!"

I just posted the latest update to the church website. Please drop by and take a look. I love doing the websites but they take so much of my time when I do the updates. It took me two weeks to do this update and once it was posted, I had a problem with the photo page and had to take another week to find a slide show that would take a lot of photos and still load with some speed. I don't know if I succeded but take a look and let me know.

My website is next on my list. I am going to do a major overhaul on it. It was my very first expriement with website creation and since I have gained greater knowledge I am eager to update it. I do get a lot of compliments on the writing so I will be featuring more of it. I would love to do this stuff for a living.

Becca is as sick as a dog with "morning sickness" that she has most of every day. She has been to the ER three times to be rehydrated. They have been giving her meds which have not worked well. If you know of any good remedies, let us know!

Dave had a bug two weeks ago and was sick all of that Saturday night. The following Monday, Jerry appeared to have it. Only Jerry has been throwing up for the last week, off and on. I was getting ready for work Friday morning and he was in the other bathroom being very sick. He came down the hall and I told him to call his doctor. It was about the nth time I had done so. I also asked him if he was doing this all day every day ,as it seemed like it to me. He said no and then he looked at me and said, "I will be glad when she has that baby." I lost it then and laughed for about five minutes.

My Rheumatoid Arthiritis flared up this week and it was a terrible week but Friday was horrible. The pain in my legs, knees, shoulders and hands was the worst it has been in awhile. Not sure what triggered it because I take 500 mg Naproxin sodium every day. I am supposed to take it twice a day but it is hard on the stomach and so I play conservative with it. Have to keep antiacids handy even then and be sure to eat when I take it. Yesterday, I felt as if I had had no medicine at all. And last night I fell over a basket and caught myself with my hands. Pain is relative... to the abuse you place on your body.

Haven't worked on my writing as much lately because of the website updates. Hope to be back on track with that soon. I have stuff brewing in my head that needs to be on paper.

Also have been crocheting again this week. Working on the hair bun holders. Becca says I should sell these. I will have to upload a picture of one. And I decided to do a baby blanket and I might try a baby sweater or something.

Today I have been paying bills and now I must stop and do the bank statement. I dread that because Jerry and the debit card are not coordinated well. There is always about $100 missing in the register when I try and reconcile it. So he is not to use the debit card except when he absolutely must. Now, he just writes more checks.

I shall sign off now and hope to dash off another post soon. Today, life is grand. But be careful, it can turn in a moment.

Time Dilation & The Dishes

I am not going to apologize! I have been truly busy and so I have no reason to feel guilty. But I do. I wanted to do this blog but it just is not going well. I can’t find time or I can’t find topic. Very annoying.

Today is a holiday and I am off from work. I have found that the amount of things I have to get done increases exponentially in direct proportion to the amount of time I have off work. I think it is in the opposite direction. So, I end up with more to do than I have time to do it.

I did manage to clean most of the house on Saturday and do laundry. But I have to do dishes from Saturday through Sunday. I don’t have a dishwasher. On Sunday I spend nearly 6 hours in church. We generally go out on Sunday to eat so I am home approximately 4 hours during which time I am tired and try to rest and prepare for evening service. There is about 2 hours spent on getting ready for each service and another hour in the evening getting ready for bed. Then I usually spend an hour or two on the computer. So that leaves about 8 hours for sleep maybe. Sunday is a busier day than any of my work days!

There has to be some law that governs this but I have not found it written down. I wonder if this is like what they call “time dilation”? You know, the idea that moving clocks move at a slower rate than stationery ones. This would have to be something similar. If anyone comes up with a name, let me know!

I have dropped off the history board so I will stop spending huge chunks of time on that. I liked it but one can only talk so much on a single topic before one becomes redundant. Redundancy is boring. I met some nice friends on the board and I hope they keep in contact. I just need the time spent there for other things.

I found out last week I am to be a grandmother. I will have to think about it and give another post on it. I have been trying to garner some excitement but have not managed to do it. There are reasons. One being that I feel much too young to be a grandmother.

Well, the dishes await and so does breakfast!

Much Ado...

I am trying to find my way through the morass of internet entertainment I am now involved in and it is not easy. I spend about 2 hours answer things like email, groups I belong to, and this blog. I need to update two websites, the church site and my personal one.

It came to me in the evening yesterday that I might be spending valuable time posting to a blog, updating a site, and participating in banter on boards that could be better used in writing that novel I keep putting off working on. I do work on it but allow myself to be distracted. It is kinda hard to ignore someone wanting assistance to get up after back surgery. And the boss would not approve of my using job time to write my novel. At least. . . I don't think so. Mmmm.

Anyway, I am going to sit down and work out a plan. I have to limit something. Since I have an eight hour, five day a week job and have to keep house and have church a couple of times a week, I am going to have to work hard to find the extra time. Or I could let something go. Maybe I could give away someone.

What puzzles me is why, when it seems to be going well, and the writing is flowing, that I just get distracted with living and doing other things I find less enjoyable? I have no answer. I doubt anyone does. I don't know if it matters.

So, today it will be brief. I am tired of messing with all of the stupid things I mess with to no point. I am obviously looking for answers in the wrong place! If there are way to structure my time that will still leave me with an unstructured feeling I would love to know about it.

Happy New Year!

I never make resolutions. I call them lies dressed in fancy clothes. But I would like to do a lot of things better next year.

I want to: pray more, go to church more, be kinder, love more, write more, travel more, sleep more, enjoy life more, be more compassionate.

Would those be resolutions? No. I don’t promise I will do any of those things. I just want to.

This comes as I have been pondering my Christianity lately. Several people have said some things in the last few months that really irked me. No, actually, I think they offended me. They also made me realize that I am not loud enough. So add, I want to be a louder Christian. Today, I am ranting and you don't have to like it or agree! Much of this was written as the new year came in so beware. If you are not a Christian, you might want to leave now.

No, I did not tell these people they offended me. They wouldn’t believe me nor would they care. They don’t want to hear what I think or what I have to say about my beliefs. My views, as a Christian, have no merit.

That is why I have a blog!

Here’s the thing that bugs me. Have you ever noticed how non-religious people love to rant about how wrong you are and how right they are and how they know exactly what is wrong with you and the world? How, if you would just listen to them, all your problems could be solved. And all your problems are religious.

Yet, when it is your turn to respond to their claims to try to explain how and why you think and believe the way you do they don’t want to listen to your response or your opinion. Because nothing you say could possibly be important, factual, good or right. You, the religious person, don’t know yourself because religion has blinded you to the real world and therefore, you must be told how to fix your life.

You, a religious person, could not possibly have the wisdom, the insight or the intelligence of non-religious people. Nothing you think or believe could be right because you are tainted . . . with religion. You, the religious person, must keep your mouth shut and listen to the elitist intellectuals. You, the religious person are an idiot and the non-religious is the only person with divine knowledge!

Check the barnyard because it is overflowing with that stuff.

Let me see now. Intolerance. They keep saying religious people (read Christians) are intolerant. I wonder now… my thesaurus and dictionary… wait, here it is:

Dictionary: Intolerant: Unwilling to tolerate differences in opinions or beliefs, especially religious beliefs. Unable or unwilling to endure or support[1]

Thesaurus: intolerant, close-minded, mean, narrow, narrow-minded, small, small-minded, unfair.[2]

Really?

It crosses all genders, races, religions, nationalities, national and international borders and, educational levels. But wait!

Does the above described behavior sound like tolerance, the thing all non-religious people say they possess in vats?

Tolerance: 1. The capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others. [3]

Not agreement with or acceptance of, but recognizing and respecting the beliefs and practices. Wouldn’t you have to listen with courtesy and allow a difference of opinion to be called tolerant?

All right, now, let me clarify something else, for me if no one else. I was told not too long ago (by an imbecile of gargantuan proportions that I only know slightly) that Christians are responsible for all the wars. I did not respond because, well, how can you respond to such an idiot? That is just so strange.
Anyone read Foxx’s Book of Martyrs? I can’t relate the butchery the book relates nor the time span it covers. But the let me give you a clue, Christians are the ones being killed.

Wasn’t it the Christians who were fed to the lions in Rome just because they WERE Christians?

Then, there were the Protestant Christians who were burned at the stake, beheaded, drawn and quartered, boiled in oil, hacked to pieces, flayed alive, generally killed in the Inquisition in Spain and France, Britain and various other countries all over the known world have had similar purges. Why? For the European continent it frequently resulted when Protestants would not comply with the Roman Catholic Church, which during those times had become a political entity run by emperors and kings of those countries.

(Note: This is NOT a reflection on the current Catholic Church, which still has even more serious problems with its clergy than with the masses. They are not the only ones, all religions have similar problems because humans inhabit the churches and the pulpits. We are all trying to get to the same place but it is not easy for some of us. Gee, would that be a tolerant response?)

Russian Christians disappeared because they were religious and worshiped something besides the communist party! They were a threat to domination by a political machine. Even the Russians knew you couldn’t battle God so they just got rid of his agents. Happens all the time.

Hitler and his cronies killed more people in captivity than anyone in history! Six million Jews (a vast number of them believe in and worship One God but some were just Jews of no religious persuasion) and half as many Christians killed in the gas chambers of the Third Reich. He said it was because they were all intellectually inferior!

And please, let’s not forget the unholy war Islam has instigated against all Christians and Jews in the 21st century in an effort to exterminate them. They say so openly! No Christian group I can recall has ever done anything remotely like that.

However, this is not the first time Islam has done this. Byzantine ruler, Leo III, stopped the Muslim advance at Constantinople around 740 B.C. In France, Charles Martel led the battle and stopped them. Yes, it took a war of global proportions. Surprise! By the way, they were seeking world domination then, too. Yes, I heard about the Crusuades and it was the same war.

There have been a few “Christian” fringe groups out there with an insane leader wanting to take over the world, or his part of it. I think Waco comes to mind, and Jonestown. Does anyone who is a Christian really believe those people were practicing Christianity? Jones was drugged out of his mind and was certifiably psychotic. He had brainwashed hundreds of unfortunate dysfunctional followers. Some of his inner circle did actually get away. They didn’t like Kool-aide and had no brain to wash but they knew when to run.

As for Waco, the Federal Government came in and put a stop to that “Christian” group. Whether or not he was insane, Uncle Sam made an assault against a self-styled “Christian” group who had not made any serious threat against anyone outside the group. Still Uncle Sam had a duty to tell them what they believed and how they should behave because, well, a Christian group of any ilk couldn't actually know.

It was true that they had re-written the Book and set up their on version of Christianity. It didn’t match much of anything in THE BOOK. Of course, it wasn’t about that, because Uncle Sam was telling them that they were not thinking what they were thinking. They were thinking something else, and Uncle Sam knew what it was and it was wrong!

But the non-religious won’t let you say any of that, because they can read minds. They know what you are thinking. You aren’t thinking what you think you are thinking. You are thinking something else, and they know what it is and it is WRONG!

They have the answer to all of life’s problems. Since mostly un-Godly people have been in charge for most of civilized time, I’d say they have not gotten their message out very well. Of course, if you try to say differently, they will resort to belligerence or out-right violence. It's ok when non-religious people resort to violence. Because they have a good reason.

Give me a break.

Oh yes, I did not say non-Christian, I said un-Godly. You can call yourself a Christian and have absolutely NO Christ-like behavior or ideals whatsoever. I could name a roster full but that would just bore us all.

Now, I don't care if you agree or not. Your opinion has no bearing on my views and as such can have no valid point and so would be a waste of time for you to share it. I know exactly what you are thinking and you are wrong. No response is necessary.

You see, I am practicing my intolerance level. And I feel pretty good about it.

Seriously, have a Happy New Year!

Source for Definations:

[1]Excerpted from American Heritage Talking Dictionary. Copyright © 1997 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
[2]Excerpted from American Heritage Talking Dictionary. Copyright © 1997 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
[3]Excerpted from American Heritage Talking Dictionary. Copyright © 1997 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.